Somebody I Used to Know
by newsgirl83
Summary: Grieving the sudden death of their parents, Damon and Elena are forced to face their past choices and mistakes. Take a wild a journey through 20 years of their lives...together, apart and everything in between.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I'm back. I'm **_**still**_** honored and amazed by my responses to Her Mother's Eyes. So thank you, again. But…I love writing too much to stop there. I wanted to start this one as soon as I could because I have so many great plans for Damon and Elena in this one. It's AU again, and begins with a prologue and chapters to follow leading up to that point…and then some. Same story **_**format**_**, but that's where it ends. This one's different. It's quite a change in personality for these two. We're looking at our favorite couple throughout a course of several years. They have a LOT of history to get through before they can deal with new challenges brought into their lives. We're going with them.**

**Hope you like it. I'm so excited to get this going. Please, let me know what you think. Reviews are awesome and they really, really mean so much to me. Many of you know that from reading HME.**

**Here we go again, readers. Hold on tight!**

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><p><strong>Somebody I Used To Know<strong>

**Prologue**

Damon leaned his head back against the shower wall and let the water soak into his neck. The stream was hot and hard and it worked to wash away the sweat from moments ago. But no amount of water could eliminate the feeling of _her_ on his skin. His blood still _burned_ from her. He'd been stupid, he told himself. How could he have _let_ himself do it? He'd lost himself in her, for a few hours. But it had seemed so_real_. She'd said _his_ name…over and over again…moaned it wildly, as if it was the most important name on _earth_. She'd pressed her lips into him hard and rough and strongly, as if she'd been waiting a _lifetime_ to be with him. Maybe she had…but she'd never admit it now…or at least not without taking a few jabs of guilt at him first…

No, by now the woman that lay naked and tangled in his sheets was probably disconnected, once again…if she was even still there. He'd seen it, for a moment...that familiar flash in her brown eyes. _She'd _been there…not the usual fucked up version she'd turned into so long ago.

He feared what she'd say…or what she wouldn't… Things were too complicated to ignore _this_…but he _knew _she would. She always ignored what was best for her. He'd learned that years ago…but he could still_wish_…

Grief and alcohol could really screw with people. They shouldn't be mixed…especially with _them_. One minute he could easily remember why he didn't talk to _her_ anymore…and the next, they couldn't rip each other's clothes off fast enough. He could only blame their grief and the _alcohol_ for so long… he was a grown man now…he _knew_ what he had done. He'd chosen this…it was his own _fault_ he was about to be disappointed once again.

She'd been hot and warm and felt _so_ good. Years of pent up _everything _were released in that heat…but it was only temporary, he was sure. That tension, that anger and bitterness would build back up, just as fast. Even at the peak of it all, he'd kept their past in the back of his mind. He couldn't forget…

He turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his waist, walking out into the hotel room once again. She was already dressed and the bed looked like nothing had happened. The sheets were pulled over the pillows and she was zipping up her boots. Frankly, he was surprised she was still there. She looked completely fine, to a stranger's eye. Her makeup was smudged and her curled hair laid flat in some places…but emotionally she looked untouched.

And it broke his stupid, naïve little heart. Even now.

She was far from the woman he used to know… and he absolutely should _not _have just slept with her. But for a sliver of a moment she'd tricked him. She'd _looked _like the Elena he knew so long ago. She looked like she still needed him in every way… but he should've known better. That sweet woman left years ago. Now she was coarse and jaded…she'd built a little fortress around herself long ago…but he could still remember when he was allowed in.

He knew what _her_ problem was. She held everything against him and changed _everything_ about herself in the blink of an eye. But she'd gotten it all wrong, back then…and she still had it all wrong. But he was older now, and wiser…

_His _problem, he knew, was that he wanted so badly to believe she was still in there, that girl he used to think he might have loved. Her face was the same. She was breathtakingly gorgeous…the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She _always_ had been. But her innocence was gone and all he could see was ice. Her deep brown eyes looked at him widely, but now it was as if they saw nothing. He used to see something close to _love_ in them…and he'd have done anything for her. Who was he kidding? He still would. But she was so far gone now…

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" he hadn't said anything to her since the night before. It was early now…too early to argue…too early for bullshit and lies.<p>

"Fine…why wouldn't I be?" Her eyes were blank and he realized the girl he once knew had crawled back into a hole and gone away again. At least for that moment. He _hated_ when she did that. She was shutting him out.

"Don't be like that. You can't pretend…." He frowned. "They're _dead_…Elena. They aren't coming back. This isn't a dream, it's a real life _nightmare…_" he caught her eye for a moment. He used to have a way, he remembered, to get her to break...to get her to _feel_… "You can be cold and distant toward me, but you loved your parents, _and_ mine…" he should've just stopped when he saw them coming…the moist drops in her pretty brown eyes, but he couldn't. "For Christ's sake we just _buried _them yesterday."

"I'm fully _aware_," she said, her eyes filling with tears, but not for him, he knew. In the grand scheme of things what they'd _done_ was nothing compared to their real problems…

He had to remind himself not _everything_ was about him and Elena.

All the anger, grief and regret _couldn't_ exist between them. There wasn't room for it if they wanted to succeed…

"And what _we_ did, last night," he shook his head. "It wasn't right…we shouldn't have done that..."

"It was just sex," she shrugged. It was always just sex to her, he knew. She hadn't been in a committed relationship since…ever. "Now it's over and we can go back to how things were."

She could just be so infuriating sometimes. Even _ten_ years of _nothing_ hadn't changed that.

"And what exactly does _that _mean? How things _were?"_ He laughed sarcastically. "You mean like _yesterday_ or do you mean like in high school?" He shook his head. "We can _never_ go back… our parents are _dead_…you and I are a pile of _shit_ that's been untouched for _years_…yet you're completely fine just pretending nothing happened?"

"If that's what it takes to get us through this, yeah…" she said seriously. "Look, we fell into bed because of _grief_. We were _drunk, Damon…_ I get it. It would _never_ have happened otherwise, right? You're right…okay? We shouldn't have done this… not if _this_ was going to be the result…"

"I agree…but not for the same reasons. _We_ were drunk, yes. But that's not why I shouldn't have slept with you. I think you know what I'm getting at, here…we haven't even spoken in two years, and that was practically _nothing…_ and all the sudden you're in my bed…"

"You didn't exactly _stop _me…" her hands were on her lips and she was getting that _pout_. She'd had it since she was little. He remembered the first time he'd seen it. It was _those_ memories, _those_ feelings that he couldn't fight off. It was _those_ moments that made him still want her.

"I know," he swallowed. "Because I wanted to believe you were still in there, somewhere."

"Don't start all that again, Damon...okay? Maybe it was goodbye sex, I don't know…" her fingers toyed with the buttons of her coat.

"It didn't feel that way. It felt like you wanted it just as badly as I did. Besides, you can't have goodbye sex without having regular sex first. This isn't exactly what I envisioned as the morning after our first night together. As soon as it was over, you shut me out again. _How_? How can you pretend something like _that_ between us couldn't mean anything?"

"You didn't _want_ me _ten_ years ago, if I remember it correctly. It can't mean anything because the second it does, it gets messy all over again. We're adults. We can have sex and leave it at that. Trust me, it's better that way."

"No, we can't. Maybe some people can, but not you and I," he smiled angrily. "And we aren't doing this anymore. You just admitted you thought it was a mistake, Elena! People who know each other for twenty years can't just randomly have drunken sex and forget it ever happened. Especially not in our condition…But you've forgotten a lot about us, haven't you? A decade of absolutely _nothing_ between us has really wiped your memory…"

"Well we're in for a shitload of problems, then, aren't we…." The words fell out of her mouth rapidly. "Because we don't have a _choice_. We have to see each other every day. It's what part of owning a business together _means…_"

"That's exactly why we shouldn't have done this. I regret last night," he said sadly. "But not for the reasons you'd think. I thought I saw someone different last night," he shook his head, disappointed. "I thought I saw the _old _you. _That's _who I slept with. I wouldn't _regret anything _with _her." _He swallowed, he _knew _he was being harsh, but he thought it might strike a chord with her. "But I was wrong…the old you really _is _gone and I am sorry that it happened like _this_. Twenty years of knowing someone is _too_ long to just have a one-night-stand, regardless of the circumstance…"

"It wasn't a one-night-stand, we know each other." She said, offended. "You throw that term around so loosely…I don't have _one night stands!"_

"Maybe not anymore…" his voice rose in accusation and hurt. He put his hand in the air and began counting on his fingers. The gesture was familiar to her, and she almost smiled. _Almost._

"One, you could've fooled me," he began, "If my memory serves me right, the reason we stopped talking is because of your little one-night-stand. And two, yes, we _were_ a one night stand, because I _don't_ know you anymore. You're as good as a stranger to me, and it _won't_ be happening again." He meant it, but he wished he didn't. He never wanted to feel that way toward her. But all he could feel was jealousy…even so many years after the fact….

"You had no right to call me out on that. You and I _weren't_ together. It's not my fault you're still upset. You said you didn't want me." She started rifling through her purse, looking for her lipstick.

Didn't _want_ her? She was so very wrong about _that_. It was more like couldn't _have_ her…_shouldn't_ have her…

"No…I said…ugh, Elena, it doesn't _matter_ what I said. You read everything wrong. Now you're acting like a closed up _bitch_ who won't so much as look at me when you talk to me." He swallowed and his heart dropped into his stomach. He could be mad at her, furious even…but he shouldn't have called her _that._

She bit her lip and stared at him, willing herself not to cry. _He_ was the only one who could break her down, and she knew _that_. But he wouldn't. She was _too_ strong and she had to stay distant if she wanted it to remain that way.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to call you that…" he tried to explain, but it was all too late. She frustrated him to know end…but he'd never intentionally _really_ hurt her.

"No, I get it," she laughed sadly. "That's how you see me….after twenty years, _that's _all I am to you, because you can't get _past_ something so _stupid_…"

"Stupid to you, maybe…" he shook his head. "You made bad choices that I couldn't agree with."

Her eyes locked on his, and he saw something sad in them, for just a second. "You see…you blame me for everything. You carry around this 'woe is me' attitude, but you're your own demise, Damon. Face it. We had sex. We screwed everything up. Now we have to go to work tomorrow and pretend it didn't happen because otherwise this business _is_ going to tank. And that's not what our parents wanted for us…now _is_it?"

He stayed silent, unsure of what to say. He couldn't read her at all, and he absolutely _hated_ it. "I have to go, Damon," she said without even a flash of hurt in her voice. How could she act like this? He'd give_anything_ to have the old her back…_really_ back…

"I wish you wouldn't," he walked toward her, pleading. "I heard it in your voice, you know. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. You're terrified," after all the hurt, after all these years, he still found himself trying to _beat_ this… "Of _this_, of _us_…of the business…"

"I'm not afraid of anything. That's the way it has to be. We have a _lot_ to live up to…._this_ is our legacy, Damon…"

* * *

><p>"And <em>this<em> is Damon," Giuseppe Salvatore guided his little dark haired son in front of him. "He's your age, Elena. Eight." Elena had never seen eyes so clear and blue. They were marvelous, even to a little girl. "You should've met _ages_ ago..."

She reached out to shake his little hand, as her dad has always told her to do when meeting someone for the first time. He shook it goofily and the two kids were soon giggling and waving their arms up and down in a crazy hand shake "I'm Elena."

"You're cute," he said seriously. He could be a charmer, but he meant it.

"You're eight," his dad reminded him.

"Thanks...?" she smiled, blushing a little.

"Yep, you were right, they'll get along just fine," John Gilbert said, patting his dear friend on the shoulder. "Good thing, too, because they'll be spending all summer together from here on out."

"I'm still nervous about this whole thing," Miranda Gilbert said softly. "What if it doesn't work? You and Giuseppe get the most _random_ ideas sometimes, but a bookstore? How will you compete with the large chains just down the block? This is _not_ New York and you guys are _not _kids anymore."

"Honey, you worry too much. Have a little faith. This town _needs_ a place like this and we're just the guys to run it. I love books, Giuseppe's a great businessman… it _works_…"

Miranda's eyes floated over to the two little heads popping out on opposite sides of the books shelf aisles. Elena took off down one aisle and Damon caught her right on the other side.

"Don't run!" Arianna Salvatore called out. Her son could be so rambunctious sometimes. And while she was discouraging him, she was happy to see he could make friends with someone so quickly. He hadn't exactly been _friendly_ since his little brother had died last year.

"Got _ya_," he teased. "But you run fast, for a girl. You almost knocked all these books over. Then we'd be spending _all summer_ cleaning up…" he stuck his tongue out.

"You're a troublemaker," she said seriously. "I'm a good girl. I _never_ get in trouble, so you better watch it." She could hear her mother's laughter in the background. She pictured her rolling her eyes. Elena was_great_ at convincing people of the things she wanted them to believe.

"Yeah well if you're gonna be _my_ friend, you've got a few things to learn, too." He raised his fingers in the air and began to list them. "One, don't tattle. Two, don't go around pretending to be all goody goody and stuck up, and _three_… have fun!" He ran up to her and tried tickling her sides, but she clawed him off quickly, laughing.

"It's good to see him smiling," Giuseppe said to John. "Stefan's death came down hard on all of us, but especially him. Elena could be good for him…and she seems sweet."

"Our daughter _can_ be sweet. But she's stubborn, too." Miranda said.

"Feisty is more like it," John laughed. "But it's time they met. We've lost too many years, Giuseppe." The old college friends had moved to separate parts of the country after graduation and married woman the other hadn't ever met. But when Stefan passed and John lost his job, the two men wanted a _change. _They'd taken on a new endeavor.

That project, that crazy business that had started on a whim had grown. It had _prospered _beyond anything they could've initially imagined. And because of it, their families had grown to love one another. It was the reason Damon and Elena had spent endless days and endless _nights_ as children and teenagers together...

But Arianna's life was cut short. She would die from cancer three years after that bookstore was opened. Her cancer hadn't only _killed_ her…everything about the Salvatore and Gilbert dynamic changed after that. Some of it wasn't for the _good_... And in turn, _everything_ about Damon and Elena _had changed_, too…

It was a catalyst...even _now_...

They loved that little bookstore. But they'd never have guessed, when they'd die in a car accident going to a business meeting about its future. All three parents…just…_gone_, like that.

* * *

><p>Now as Damon looked at Elena, his heart <em>ached<em>. Everything that had happened between them in the last twenty years had led up to _this_ moment. They'd practically grown _up_ in that bookstore…they had a responsibility to take care of it. But all he could see was the broken, screwed up version of the girl he used to love but could never have. He'd _had_ her last night… but he wished now, that he hadn't. It hadn't been the way he'd always wanted. He'd pictured her laying in his arms all night and all morning...not throwing on her boots and walking out the door nonchalantly. He was _Damon_, for God's sakes. He wasn't like the rest of them she'd...

He stopped himself from thinking about _that_.

Everything was toxic. But she was right, they _had_ to try to get along. Everything that happened _before_ couldn't ruin this now. It was too important.

He'd never really understood how his Dad could put the business before his mother, those few years before her death. Damon wasn't sure he'd _ever_ really been in love with anyone _but_ Elena so long ago. If things had been different then, things would be, _could_ be so different _now…_

But they weren't.

"Pretend all you want, but I won't. We had sex and it _could've_ meant something…if you let."

"And it could just mean _nothing_ if _you'd_ let it," he poked him in the chest. It reminded him for a moment of how she _used_ to tease him, back when they were teenagers. He shook it off. "I'm going back to my room. I'll see you tomorrow, at the lawyers…"

"Yeah, sure…" he frowned for a moment, and nodded as she closed the door behind her, pulling her little rolling suitcase behind her. She didn't stop to look back at him over her shoulder, like she used to so long ago. Maybe it was better that way. There was just no getting through to that woman right now, he knew. But he would, someday. Stupidly, he'd let himself _try_…she was in there, somewhere… the girl he _used_ to know. And he'd find her again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there we have it. It's a shorter chapter than the rest will be, most likely, but it's fitting as a starting point. I have to lay down a foundation with bits and pieces of story that won't completely give the whole plot away. Please let me know what you thought. I'm so curious to hear your opinions on this one. It's always nerve-wrecking starting a new story, but I've got big intentions and high hopes for this one. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has already added this story to favorite and alerts, and for all the wonderful reviews. Awesome. Here's chapter two. We're going to break it down a little and see some small samples of their lives as early teenagers and learn a little more about how things **_**used**_** to be versus the way they are now. I hope you'll see the dynamic **_**changes**_** that have occurred within Elena throughout the years…but I'm waiting a little while to use past snippets to get into what **_**really**_** happened to make her so disconnected. We'll also learn why they couldn't be together, in a few chapters. I'm really looking forward to writing it because the reasons are heartbreaking. I hope you enjoy and stick with me. I so very much appreciate it! Thank you! **

**This chapter uses the first verse of the title of this story, "Somebody I Used to Know" by Gotye. I'll be using pieces of it here and there throughout the story. **

**Thanks!**

**Somebody I Used to Know**

**Chapter 1**

"**Now and then I think of when we were together****  
><strong>**Like when you said you felt so happy you could die****  
><strong>**Told myself that you were right for me****, ****But felt so lonely in your company****  
><strong>**But that was love and it's an ache I still remember"**

"Mr. Salvatore, I'll need you to sign here….and here…and here," the lawyer pointed to three spots on the thick stacks of paper. Inheriting a business was a big ordeal. He _probably_ should've been paying better attention and actually _read _what he was signing. But instead, his fingers gripped the pen and glided easily across the line, etching his name forever in the books as the new part owner of _The Book Nook_.

"And Miss Gilbert," he opened his mouth, but she just nodded and signed. He watched her out of the corner of his eye…she looked empty, but he saw the tears filling in her eyes. One dropped on the pages in front of her and his brows sunk. Though he sat next to her, they'd kept it professional and hadn't said anything to one another the entire time. But now it was done and he couldn't help but feel an ache in his chest for her tears. His heart was just too big…it kept too much of her in it, even when it shouldn't anymore.

He opened the door for her and they walked out into the hallway. She didn't want him to see her cry, but she didn't have the strength to stop. He pressed his hand against the wall in front of her, stopping her from turning away from him.

"Get out of my way, Damon," her voice cracked.

"No," he said simply. "Not until we straighten a few things out here."

"In a hallway of a lawyer's office? Besides, what's left to talk about?" she wiped her tears. "We can get on with it….as I said last night. You're the one making this into something more than it needs to be."

"Come on, you're _crying_, Elena. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you're _not_ okay."

"And now you're so concerned about me. You're not responsible for me, so you don't have to worry. I can handle it. You're my _business _partner. Business partners don't dote on each other all day long. So stop…"

"_You_ stop…When we walk out this door, Elena, _everything_ changes. We own that place, now," he cleared his throat. "We have to _try_ to do this together, or it'll never work. So quit with the 'I don't give a fuck about you or anything' attitude…because frankly I don't buy it."

"Maybe this is wrong. Maybe I should've just sold my half of the business…" she eeked out nervously, the words flying out of her mouth to avoid any _pain_. "Then you wouldn't have to deal with this."

"We both know that wasn't an option. That place is too important to both of us. We grew _up_ there, Elena. We can't just give that place away to someone who it means _nothing_ to. We need to _try_…"

"Stop holding everything against me and we'll be fine," she said honestly. "If it'll help you, you can forget you even know me…pretend we've never met…"

"As if I could do _that_…" he said softly. "Come on, Elena. There are serious problems and issues between us but I could _never_ forget what we used to be…" he swallowed, locking his eyes with hers. "Neither can you…."

* * *

><p>"Who's that?" Elena squinted out the big picture window of the bookstore. "I've never seen <em>her<em> before." She slid the yogurt coated spoon into her mouth. She had been concentrating so hard on the girl crossing the street that she hadn't even noticed him come up behind her.

"Who?" he said in her ear and she jumped, nearly spitting the yogurt out of her mouth. "Jumpy, I see…" he waggled his eyebrows when she rolled her eyes. He smiled at her for a moment. They were thirteen years old, but he already knew Elena meant something to him. She stayed friends with him through everything. He could _tease_ her relentlessly, but she was always there for him. She never got angry or silly like the _other_ girls their age. He liked having her around.

"Are you even paying attention to what I'm…" she turned not expecting to see him still looking at her gently. She froze. He was doing it again…just _watching_ her. Lately he'd started paying a little more attention to her than he used to. She met his eyes and he looked down. "That blond girl walking across the street," she turned back to the original subject and pointed out the window.

"Oh," he squinted against the sun. It was a hot, bright day in August. "Not sure…but she's coming this way…" he ran over to the counter and leaned against it, as if he was actually _doing_ something.

"What're you doing?" Elena frowned. "You know what our parents said about messing around with the stuff on the counter. Their paperwork and stuff is up there."

"Don't _worry_ about it, okay?" He smiled. "Let me work my magic, will you?"

Then every thought that had entered her brain about the subtle difference between that seemed to exist between them lately faded away. It was in her head, she told herself. He was trying to impress someone else.

The bell to the front door clang and the tall, thin, blonde girl walked in. She looked older…maybe by two or three years, and her fancy black heels clicked on the tile flooring. Elena swallowed back her intimidation. She watched her friend's eyes narrow in on that blonde's little figure….

It bothered her….but it shouldn't. It's not like _she_ wanted to be with him or something. They were practically still kids. But she didn't like the idea of his pretty blue eyes looking at another girl that way. She was afraid of what would happen…afraid she might one day not be the most important girl in his life. It was bound to happen, she knew…one day. But today was _not_ the day…

"Finding everything you need?" Damon leaned across the counter, his thin, lean arms stretched out in front of him. Elena couldn't bear to watch him humiliate himself. This girl looked to be about 15 or 16…she wouldn't be looking at a guy _his_ age….

"I'm new in town," she smiled, pulling her big black sunglasses to the top of her head. They rested neatly in her soft, light blonde hair and revealed her big eyes. "I'm actually lost. I'm looking for the Southside Bakery…I'm meeting my dad there for breakfast. My parents…ah…I won't bother you with all that….can you tell me how to get there?" She seemed confident, but Elena noticed her voice fluctuate a little when she met his blue eyes. Who wouldn't waiver?

"What's your name?" He smiled devilishly, and Elena pressed her hand to her forehead. This was brutal. "I'm Damon Salvatore…" That was it, she couldn't take it anymore, she had to busy herself with _something, anything…_ She found her way to an area where she could still hear them and see them, but they couldn't see her.

"Rebekah Mikaelson," she said sweetly. "Nice to meet you, Damon. I'm a little…embarrassed that I got lost…but…"

"_Nice to meet you Damon," _Elena muttered under her breath, mocking the girl as she put a few books away on the shelves two aisle over. Damon cleared his throat and Elena froze. He'd heard her.

"Who's that?" Rebekah asked, frowning in confusion. She'd seen the pretty brunette walk around the corner and hadn't thought a thing of her until she'd started to grumble under her breath.

"That's my friend, Elena…don't mind _her_…" he lifted his voice a little to ensure she got the message. He didn't want her messing this up. She was supposed to be _helping_ him with this kind of thing. Instead she sounded almost bitter….

"I see…well, okay then…" she started. "Don't mean to interrupt your work…." She started to turn on her heels, but he stopped her.

"Of course you're not interrupting. You're a customer. One who can come back _anytime_ if you'd like. My Dad owns the place…so I do, too…kind of. I will someday," he was pulling out the big guns now. "But here," he handed her a piece of paper he'd used to scrawl out some directions to the bakery. "And my number's on the bottom…in case you get lost again," he winked.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Maybe I'll see you around at school. You go to Mystic Falls High?"

"Uh…next year," he admitted, ashamed that he was younger than her.

"I'll be a sophomore this year," she smiled. "See you around. Thanks for the directions." He watched her walk out, smiling. He'd succeeded, in his own mind. He hadn't even stuttered _once_ during the whole thing. He was getting _good_ at this…

_Too _good, Elena thought.

She slammed a few books down on the counter around his hands, unnecessarily, and almost hit his fingers on a few separate occasions.

"Easy," he backed up, holding his hands in defense and smiling. "What's got you in such a bad mood? You almost ruined it, a minute ago… what with your muttering…" he watched her eyes darken and he swallowed dryly. Something was wrong. "So much for _helping_ me get girls."

In her opinion, he was all too concerned about girls at the moment. She missed having the best friend that used to just hang around and watch movies and read magazines. The thought of other girls getting his attention in anyway was…unsettling, even then.

"It's just…I don't know. Something about her bothers me…" she said seriously. "Something's not right…"

"Why? I actually made an impression on her. You should be _happy_ for me…talking to other girls." He held his hand out for a high five but was met with a blank stare. He dropped it and shook his head. "What? I can't talk to other girls now? You're a girl. I talk to you." He always was a little more mature for his age. He just _seemed_ older. She shouldn't have been surprised that he could make an older girl smile like _that. _

"Yeah, well…we're friends. It's…You can," she said slowly. She didn't want to give away that she'd felt _jealousy_ just then. She still hadn't admitted to herself that she was developing feelings other than friendship for Damon. There was too much greatness between them to go _there_. And she was _only_ thirteen. She had tons of time to _go there_. It was just…she'd always known one day he'd like someone….she just never thought she'd feel like _this_ about it.

"You're my_ best_ friend, Lena…" he smiled, his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. Butterflies buried themselves in her insides and she pulled back, awkwardly. Nope, _definitely_ not ready "I don't want to have to hide things from you, okay? I want to be able to talk to you about this kind of stuff. God knows I can't talk to anyone else, especially not Dad…" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"I know," she sighed. "And you can. I'm just…I'm sorry. You can _always_ talk to me…I don't want you to pretend around me…ever. We always tell each other the truth. Promise."

"Always," he smiled. "That's what I like about you, Elena. You get it." And she did. She always heard him better than anyone else, he knew. She actually listened and gave her opinions. She didn't ask for much in return. If he had to pick one person to know for the rest of his life, he'd pick her _hands down_.

"So, tell me the truth…" he tried to lighten the moment by waggling his eyebrows again. "Pretty smooth move of me to put my number on that sheet, wasn't it?"

"I guess…but she's too old for you. You need to just relax a little," they were in a battle of him saying a smarmy comment and her rolling her eyes. It was comfortable and normal. They'd grown up the last six years behaving that way.

"Think she'll call?" he stared into her brown eyes. "Would you if you were her?" He shouldn't have asked that question, she knew. It brought up too many ideas….made her think of too many possibilities that _weren't_ possible.

"I think she'd be lucky to have a guy like you…in a few years, maybe." She patted him on the shoulder. "But for now, you're stuck taking relationship advice from _me_…" she stuck her tongue out at him and he tried to pinch it.

"You've got the _pointiest_ tongue, it's creepy." He joked, moving to grab it again and she backed up into the wall, laughing as he got closer.

"Hey, guys," John said seriously. "What'd I say about moving stuff around in here? These documents are important. You can't be messing around in here…you can't _lose _anything in these folders." Elena rarely saw her Dad get agitated. It _worried_ her. She knew he hadn't spent much time with her mom lately…it was probably wearing on him, she thought.

"Sorry, Pa," Damon smiled apologetically. He'd called him "Pa" since the second day he'd known him. He couldn't call him dad, but he couldn't call him "Mr. Salvatore, either. They were just _too_ close…too much like family. So he'd settled on 'Pa.' "Guess what? I think I got us a new customer."

But John's real concerns had more to do with how touchy feely the two teens had become in the last year. He'd make up _anything_ to go in and check on them at random points throughout the shift. They were supposed to be stocking books, not running around_…flirting_…as he saw it. Nothing had happened, he knew…but he saw Elena looking at Damon a little _longer_ these days. It wasn't that he wasn't a nice kid. He was a _great_ kid. He was practically a _son_ t to him…but it didn't mean he wanted to think of that boy and his little girl like _that_. Maybe someday….

"I think you're done for the day," John said seriously to Elena. "Elena, go home. Tell your mother I won't be home for dinner tonight. The tension in their house had been building. Elena was young, but she wasn't stupid. She _knew_ something was wrong.

John and Miranda Gilbert had the model marriage. They never let anything come between them, but lately, he was working later and her Mom didn't even seem to mind. And while it terrified her, in the back of her mind, she'd held onto that idea that maybe one day things wouldn't be so great anymore.

* * *

><p>"You're making me really uncomfortable," her voice almost broke now, as his arm still pressed in front of her. He was too close and the air was too thick. "Yes, I'm upset. Of <em>course<em> I am. I just signed papers to inherit our parent's bookstore. Don't you see…it means they really _are_ gone…in every way," she could break down about _their parents_, but not about _them_…and that bothered him. But he'd take any piece of emotion she wanted to show. It had been too long. "But that's it."

He moved his arm out of the way, not wanting to push the issue anymore. "When will you be moving back home?" He'd been afraid to ask but he knew he had to. They had to work the business stuff out together. He needed to figure out when they could find time to meet up again. They could run a business together without being there at the same time. There were ways _around_ having to get along, he knew.

"Next week sometime. As you know…the move is coming sudden and I had to practically beg my landlord to get out of my lease early. My roommate's saving my ass right now. The landlord is letting him pay a little more and letting me out of the lease without subletting. Call him a good Samaritan. Either of them…" he realized. "And I have to find a place in Mystic Falls, still."

"A total uprooting," he nodded. "You're coming from big city life back to backyard barbeques. Those are big changes for you in lots of ways." He thought he could maybe throw in a little conversation that _didn't _directly relate to them. But didn't _everything_, somehow? "I'm glad I left the city when I did and came back home." He admitted." I would've missed it too much, if I would've stayed."

But he and Elena both knew the reason he _really_ left New York and NYU. It didn't have anything to do with missing home. It had everything to do with _them_.

"The place is poison to me," she said sadly. "I'm better off where I blend in. Maybe that's why I like the big city life. I didn't _know_ everyone and they didn't know me. No one expected anything of me just because of who I am. Not like Mystic Falls."

"At least admit something to me…before we get into all of this," he pled. "Say it and I'll drop _all_ of this. I won't mention _us_ again." His eyes dropped on her lips and then back onto her eyes. "I get that you don't care now, or anymore…but you _did_ for a while…longer than you _wanted_ to…didn't you?"

"Can't really put a time frame on something like that, Damon," she raised her eyebrows and her face scrunched up a little. "The point is, no matter how long it _did_ matter… It doesn't now. It's over."

"You may not see it this way, but you were selfish." His voice was gravelly now. "You think when you made a complete 180…when you just dropped everything that it was only to hurt _me._ But I'm not the only one who lost you. You lost _yourself_, too."

"There's a difference between losing myself and changing the way I was to move on," she walked past him. "Life is ever changing. I can be, too. So, we're done then?"

"Yeah…we're done." He shook his head. He'd told her he wouldn't bring it up again, but he knew he would, after a while. After things were settled and she could _remember_ the way it used to be. She'd remember soon enough, when they were back in their little safe haven of the bookstore. That place was magical. Every single good Elena memory had happened in _that_ store. And _that's_ why he couldn't just sell his half of the business. It would've been easier, maybe, to just move on and really be done.

But she hadn't just _changed_ little things about herself. She'd gone from the sweetest, innocent girl to a hollow woman who didn't attach emotion to anything. There had been period of times in his life that he'd actually blamed _himself_ for what happened to her. But he learned, as he got older, that she'd been the one to ruin her. He never pushed that alcohol down her throat. He hadn't helped her get into all those random men's beds countless nights of the week. But he'd seen it…. Until he just _couldn't_ anymore. It hurt too much to see the wrecking ball swinging into the life of the most important, beautiful woman in his life. And once the _real_ Elena had abandoned him in all ways but physical presence, _he'd_ been the one to move back home.

In the back of his mind, he'd been spinning the thoughts of having to reconnect with her again. He never thought they'd have to just take over one day because their parents _died all at once_. He'd pictured it being when they were older. Not that 28 was young, but their wounds were still open, in ways. That raw feeling of the very moment that changed _everything_ ten years ago still burned inside of him. Ten years was a long time, but it wasn't long enough to get that image out of his head. Hell, _forever_ might not be long enough to erase it.

And that's what he had to remember now, as he started this big endeavor. He couldn't go back and change what happened. If he could, maybe he'd have explained himself a little more… but he was 18 then and not the best with words…

Yes, he'd told her they couldn't be together, but she hadn't really listened. The reasoning behind it all was so much deeper than just not _wanting_ her. He _wanted_ her…more than anything. She should've known that…he thought he proved it to her….it had almost happened….

But instead, she'd simply just tanked. She'd gone off the deep end and become someone else. If the only relationship she ever actually could picture herself in would _never_ happen, why should she ever want a relationship _again_? It was easier to just have fun. She could get what she wanted without attaching herself, without getting hurt. Instead, she left trails of men behind her…with pieces of their heart and their self-esteem shattered around them…starting with Damon. Hurting him had actually hurt _her…_ but then it got smoother as she went along with men that didn't matter so much. She was a monster when it came to that…because it was easier than _loving_ anyone again.

* * *

><p>"You should ask Kol to come to the movie tonight with us, Elena. I know he likes you," Damon suggested as she dug through her locker after a rainy day their Sophomore year of high school. "He'll say yes."<p>

"You just don't want me to feel like a third wheel, right?" she swallowed nervously. "With you and Rebekah."

She didn't really want to invite Kol. He was cute and all, but she didn't really think of him that way. But it might help alleviate some of the discomfort of having to watch Damon try to put the moves on Rebekah right _next_ to her. Ugh.

"It's not even a date, Lena." He shook his head. "If it were, I wouldn't have asked _you_ to come with. We're just friends," he leaned his head against the neighboring locker. "After two years she's still not wooed, I guess. But she'll see the magic soon enough. I'm not worried."

Elena thought she might see it, just a little.

"She's 17, Damon. You've gotta watch it. You're not even 16…" she shook her head and a bitter look crossed his face. "I'm just trying to _help_ you_,"_ she added. "You don't have to get all grumpy."

"You just assume I'm in it for the sex. I've never even _kissed_ a girl, Elena. Like I'm gonna just try to jump her," he whispered. "By the way, that secret stays _here_." His eyes widened. Her mouth went dry at a little thought of him kissing _her._ "However, I overheard Kol saying something in the locker room about how much he'd like to kiss _you_…" he informed her. But even _he_ felt a little sad about that.

She was his friend and he should want her to be happy. He liked Kol, he was a _good_ guy…but Elena was _his_…in a way. He had to protect her, always. He'd never have guessed back then that the biggest thing she'd need protection from would be the broken heart he'd deliver her.

"Yeah well no one's kissing _anybody_ until I hear it myself. I don't even know if I like him. I can't just go around kissing random guys because they want to kiss _me. _Self-respect and all that." she smiled. "Besides, you act like these senior guys you hang out with actually _like_ me."

"Please, who are you kidding? Of course they like you," she was gorgeous and he _knew_ it. Everyone wanted her. He was quick to put most of those fires out before she even found out about them with a few clenched fists and dangerous looks in that locker room.

"I'm not popular, really. I get along with everyone… why would they pick _me?"_

"Because you're _nice_, Elena." When she stepped back with her bookbag he closed her locker. "Not many girls are these days. And you're _beautiful_," he saw her cheeks turn pink.

"Really?" she was fishing for more from him, but she'd only get a little more that day.

"I have the most _beautiful_ best friend on the face of this earth," he patted her shoulder and she felt that friend zone creeping up again, shoving itself between them. "And that's why I only tell you about the _good_ guys that want to kiss you. Not those other douches," he half smiled.

He had to get over the fact that he might be slightly jealous. He and Elena couldn't go there.

"Thanks, but I'll decide who I'll be kissing, okay?" She smiled.

"Yeah, okay," he laughed. There was no convincing her, sometimes. Their endless conversations in the bookstore had proven one thing. She was an open book to _him_…but she wasn't so quick to trust others. He'd never broken her trust, then…and he was afraid of the day he would…even if it was an accident.

* * *

><p>The memories of her gentle looks and pink cheeks still remained fresh in his mind. And now, as he parked his car in front of the bookstore on his way home from the airport, his heart started to palpitate at the thought of what was to come. They'd made their arrangements for the business in New York City, with their fathers' lawyer friend from college and he'd flown home an hour ago.<p>

It must've been the city…the feeling of loneliness in the seas of people that wandered in the streets. He may not really _know_ this harsh version of Elena, but at least she still _looked_ the same. She was still hot, he knew. No matter how much she broke his heart he'd always be attracted to her. He couldn't help it. And when she'd sat at that bar next to him and did those shots in _grief_…well, he'd taken it too far, he knew.

Their biggest mistakes, their grief and drunk-induced sex had taken place in a room at the hotel of the bar they'd been drinking in. They'd booked _two_ rooms…but they didn't need both. They should've. Better yet, he should've called her a taxi and sent her home to her flat. Maybes if he had, he could look into her eyes without hearing her moaning his name, now… He pushed the thoughts out of his mind now and focused at the little display window of the bookstore.

The reflection that stared back at looked a mess. While he was still handsome and well put together, he knew his insides were jealous and ugly. She was working her way back into his head after all these years of escaping that feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had the keys….he could easily just go in now and start organizing things the way he wanted to…

But for some reason, he wanted to in as new owners for the first time with _her_. Milestones, as little as _those_ could be all the difference. The magic that used to float around in there when they were kids probably hadn't left. And while he'd been in and out of that store countless times in the last ten years, she hadn't set foot in there one time in the last two years. There was no way in hell he'd miss the familiar look on her face when she saw the place she loved so much. Maybe, even for a moment, he'd see _her_ again….

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Chapter one is in the books. Elena's a hot mess... I have to admit. I decided to let us inside her head a _little_ in this one, but I wanted my main focus to be on what he's feeling first, as he's the one who's so desperate to save this lost cause he once loved. I've got plans to explain what's going on in her head in the next chapter or the one after that. We'll see how it goes…but right now, I'm really enjoying going this way with it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm updating fast today because I'm going to have a weird work schedule for a few days and might not get a chance if I don't take advantage of my time off. Thank you to my readers and subscribers, and en extra special thanks to my reviewers. I would love to hear from more of you as these chapters continue. Your feedback is golden and so very appreciated. I'm a broken record but it's all very sincere. **

**Our main, big scenes in this chapter are in the past. They were fun to write and make me want to write more and more as this goes on. After you read it I hope you'll see what I mean ;-) **

**Thank you!**

**Somebody I Used To Know**

**Chapter 2**

Kol's lips pressed into her roughly and strongly in the backseat of his car. They were sixteen and he'd just gotten his license. Elena's shirt was bunching and his hands were sliding up the smooth skin of her sides. She pulled away quickly, coming up for air and moving her head from under him.

"Okay…" she breathed, "We have to stop," she sat up and wiped her swollen lips with her wrist. Her lipstick was everywhere… And all she wanted to do was find _Damon_. He would fix this. He would fix _her_.

"Come on, Elena…" he tugged her back down. "We just got started."

"No," she shook her head and tugged her zip sweatshirt back on and throwing her hair up in a ponytail. "We're done here tonight. Take me home."

He pulled her wrists tighter until she whipped her arm away and opened the car door, "Dammit, you're hurting me," she shoved herself away from him. And Damon had said he was a _good _guy. _This _is what she got for trying to date someone she never really liked to begin with. She'd just thought if she couldn't have Damon…she could have _someone_. It would be easier, maybe…to see him with his hands all over Rebekah if someone's hands were all over her. But that was a _stupid_ way to think, she knew now.

She walked away from his car and he just stared at her from the backseat, his shirt half off and his face smeared with her red lipstick. She walked for miles before she'd even cleared her head of the situation she'd just experienced. Hands were going places she wasn't ready for them to _go_…but if they'd been _his_ hands…maybe…

Rebekah had no idea how lucky she was to have him.

"Oh my _God_, Elena," he put his hands on her shoulders, taking in her appearance. She looked worn and tired. And when he saw the scratches on her arm, he _knew_. The tears in her eyes told him _everything_…"I'm going to _kill_ him," he clenched his fists. "Jesus, Elena…" he frowned, wiping the smeared lipstick off the corner of her lips. It was drizzling rain now and her mascara was starting to run even more than it already had. She was a little raccoon. _His_ little raccoon. And he'd be damned if he wouldn't fix this. "What did he do…" he gritted his teeth.

"I ran," she swallowed. "I got out before anything happened. One minute we were kissing and the next my clothes were coming off and…" he winced. He felt guilty that he'd been the one insisting she go out with him…even if it was just to clear his own conscious.

"I thought you said you'd never kissed him," he furrowed his brow. This wasn't the time to bring that up, but the words were coming out in fury, suddenly. He was actually _angry_ and he didn't know why. He wasn't angry with her…no. He was devastated that someone had put their hands on her when she hadn't wanted him to.

"I _hadn't_…" she swallowed. "That's why it was so awful, Damon. Our first kiss_, my_ first kiss and it was in the backseat of his junky car. The springs in the seats were poking my back…it wasn't _anything_ like it was supposed to be. It was awful," she shook her head, disappointed. "And then he just got _mean_." She remembered, sadly.

"No one will _ever_ hurt you again," he promised her, still holding her shoulders. "Got it?" A single tear rolled down her cheek and fell onto his wrist as he'd moved to wipe them away. "That isn't the way your first kiss should've been…" he closed his eyes. "I'm _sorry_."

He let his hand slip onto her back and led her down the street and back into the bookstore. He'd made her tea and sat for hours, letting her just think out loud. It was moments like that when he realized he'd never find a better girl than Elena Gilbert.

* * *

><p>He pushed open the door to the bookstore and stopped in the entrance. It still smelled familiar, like old dusty books and worn paper. The last time he'd been there his Dad had told him he was <em>proud<em> of him…for everything he'd overcome. Would he be proud of him now, would he do a good job running this place? The place that had been _everything_…

Of course he would. But would he, would _they,_ John and Miranda, be proud of _he and Elena_ now? Or would they be _terrified_ of the decisions they'd made days ago? In the gaps of time where there was no _Damon and Elena_, their parents had avoided that topic altogether. They loved them both, separately…but when they were in the same room two years ago, it hadn't been good.

But he looked out the door frame now, as she stood on the other side, just staring. Walking inside would finalize it all. God knew she wasn't strong enough for this. She couldn't stand on her own two feet, though she pretended she could. But he was looking at her now, with a look of encouragement that she hadn't seen in ages. He was strong, she knew. He had overcome death _three_ times in his family…all within a period of 21 years. He'd lost _everyone_. He had no family…not really. He had a few cousins, but they didn't talk. So how was it that he could walk in there so easily? She knew it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't just _abandoned_ the place, as she had. He'd been just down the street from it for the last ten years. She hadn't. This place held ghosts. She'd been too afraid.

"Are you coming in?" he asked calmly, not accusing her of anything, not pushing her. Frankly, he was afraid of doing _anything_ wrong. Just getting her to come with him that day had been an accomplishment. Her eyes floated along the pictures on the walls, the old wooden shelves loaded with books she'd touched a thousand times. And in the center of it, he was standing there, _waiting_ for her. It was so telling, so symbolic, she knew. On the inside she saw it…even if she didn't want to anymore.

She simply nodded and walked in slowly. It looked exactly like it used, warm and cozy, with knickknacks and old photos…photos of _them_. A photo of their four parents hung behind the counter, and a big picture of Damon and Elena as kids, reading on beanbag chairs hung next to it. She hadn't remembered it before.

"They put it up a few years ago," he said softly as he stood behind her. "Nice, isn't it? We were cute kids." It was so quiet in the room there wasn't an audible sound other than his voice. And it _was_ a nice picture. They'd blown up the original photo and made it artsy. They'd made the background black and white and kept the kids in color. They couldn't draw the color out of their kids' pretty eyes.

Those were the easiest times in her life…when she didn't have to worry about anything. His mom was still alive…her parents were still married, back then. None of _that_ had happened yet. She and Damon were the picture of innocence when they were 9-years-old.

But their innocence was drained so quickly. Once it started it was hard to stop. They weren't _kids_ anymore. Life held real challenges in it; it required decisions. And when they were 16, the challenges began.

She touched her lips as she stared at that sales counter….and she remembered _exactly_ how it felt back then….

* * *

><p>"Okay, I'm <em>trusting<em> you guys," John raised his eyebrows at them. He focused on Damon to make sure he understood _exactly_ what he meant. "And you're _not_ staying here all night…just to be clear. You're going to reorganize everything for inventory and leave," It was the summer before junior year. Damon had been dating Rebekah for almost two months and Elena had gone out on a few dates with Kol, after much convincing.

It was almost as if he _needed_ her to date someone. He couldn't have a girlfriend without her having someone, too. He couldn't think of her alone…

"No worries, Pa," he waved him off. "It's what…10 p.m. now. We'll be done by…eh, 1 a.m.? And then everything will be ready for inventory tomorrow and we can all sleep soundly."

"I'll be waiting up, Elena," he cleared his throat. "_Just_ so you know…"

"God he's weird," she frowned. "And only getting weirder. He's been extra paranoid about everything lately," she watched him scribble some numbers down into a notebook.

"So…how long do you think it's _really_ going to take to get this all done? I mean, we're almost done already…why did you say it would take til 1 a.m.?" she bit her lip, fixing her eyes on the muscles that had developed in his arms. His t-shirts were fitting a little tighter than they used to…

"Because we need some Damon and Elena time, obviously," he smiled. "How long has it been since you and I have just gotten to hang out alone? We're always with someone. I miss you, I miss _us_," he smiled at her.

"Well seeing as Rebekah's always stuck to your side," she raised her eyebrows as if to say 'I told you so.' "It's kind of _hard_ to get you alone."

"Oh, Lena…" he reached over and touched her hand. It was a small gesture but it sent a shiver down her back. "Don't be _mad_…" he gave her a puppy dog face. "I know you hate Rebekah…"

She shook her head and looked away. It was happening again…that familiar flutter in her belly. Anytime he looked at her like _that_ she had this incessant urge to just walk him into a wall and kiss him and _that_ was dangerous. He was _practically family_. "I hate that she gets all your attention," she admitted. She had to say it. She'd kept that little piece of information inside of her too long. It was eating away at her soul.

He swallowed. She was right. He and Rebekah had spent every day after school together and it _didn't _leave any time for him and Elena. He saw her at the bookstore, but they were always so busy during the day hours.

"Are you _jealous_…_E_lena," he teased, emphasizing the 'E' and grinning widely, but he stopped when he noticed that she actually _was_. She looked _sad _for a moment. But then she covered it up, just as quickly.

"Come on," she walked away, "Focus. My _Dad's_ gonna kill you if I don't get home in time." He closed the notebook and looked her dead in the eyes. It had been two months since her incident with Kol and he'd barely been there for her. He felt _sick_ about it. And in this moment, her eyes were shining with nervousness and shame. She was _afraid_ of what she'd said to him. She jumped up on the counter and paged through a book, her back to him.

His eyes floated to the curves of her body…her thin waist and the little frame of her shoulders. She was absolutely gorgeous…and his brain started ticking to places and ideas it shouldn't have. Guys with girlfriends shouldn't think of their best friends like _that_…

He couldn't stop his feet from moving with conviction. He was tapping his feet, willing himself to change his mind about what he was about to do. There was still _time_. But hadn't he already spent enough time trying _not_ to think about her in that way? If he hadn't had Rebekah…

And then it happened.

"Don't change the subject," he whispered softly, from behind the counter. But she wasn't sure why. They were alone. He could've talked as loud as he wanted…but there was something about the tone of his voice when he spoke to her that made her heart jump a little. She'd been _horrified_ to be alone with Kol in a car in the middle of the _day_, but she was _thrilled_ to be in a dark little bookstore with Damon in the middle of the night. "Something's bothering you…" he walked around to the front of the counter and stood in front of her legs that dangled in front of her. "I know _that_ look. You look like you just got kicked in the stomach."

"It's just…I'm sorry I said anything to you about Rebekah. She's your girlfriend and I have no right to feel like that. I guess I'm embarrassed that I _do_…"

"Feel like _what_?" he asked putting his hands on her knees. There it was again…that surge of everything that hit her body when he touched her. The blood pumped into her cheeks and she prayed it was too dark for him to see.

"Jealous," she said honestly. "I'm jealous that you look at _her_ that way," she swallowed, her heart was pounding hard, wild, fast. "You have all these great things happening in your relationship and then there's_ me_, little Elena…always in the background... can't even be _kissed_ for the first time decently without almost being…"

"No," he shook his head. "You can't really _think_ that way…do you? You think she's more important to me than _you_ are?" He smiled lopsidedly. "_No one_ is. And that little piece of _shit_ Kol deserves more than the kick to the nuts I gave him in the locker room a few months ago.

"She's your girlfriend," she swallowed. "Of course I think that. And Kol and I…"

"No, don't even say it was your fault. Your first kiss was ruined because that idiot…" he squeezed her knees now and she almost lost it. His blue eyes were digging into her, begging her to read between the lines. She _had_ to. He couldn't say the words he really wanted to say out loud. It would _ruin_ everything. He needed her to get that she was _everything_ to him. Rebekah…she was just a girl…just a distraction. But Elena _didn't_ know. He'd never told her.

"Well I still can't change it. It'll _always_ be this way…a horrible memory." Her eyes drifted down to his pout. Was it getting closer to her, or was it her imagination? His hands grazed up the front of her thighs careful not to seem sexual, and worked their way up to her hips. She was shaking now…not understanding what he was doing. Why was he standing between her knees? Why were his hands holding her tightly, and why was she so incredibly turned on by all of it? God Dammit.

"What are you…." She swallowed, her heart was thumping in her throat. He was gorgeous in the dim lighting. And it wasn't her imagination, he _was_ getting closer. "Damon…"

"I know I have a girlfriend," he whispered, looking her right in those shaky, dark eyes. Was that _lust_ he saw registering in them? No, it couldn't be…he'd have to ignore _that._ His brain had imagined it before…but the real thing was scary. "But you're my very _best_ friend and I feel you've been cheated…on a real first kiss…and…" his hands went from her hips to the sides of her neck. His thumbs could feel her wild pulse beating in her neck and he smiled. "And if you'd let me…I'd…" His thumbs grazed over her chin lightly now and one went to run along her bottom lip. She could barely breathe…it felt so good.

She nodded slowly, knowing everything that was happening in that moment was so very wrong. Had he wanted it, all along? Is _that_ the reason he'd said it would take so long to finish working? And his lips pressed onto the corner of her mouth slowly.

"Your first kiss, Elena," he said moving his lips to the other corner of her mouth. "Should weaken your knees…" his breath was hot against her and he smelled like fresh cologne. He still stood between her knees and if he looked straight ahead, he was level with her collarbone. One of his hands went down to rub that bone gently with his thumb and the other one touched her cheek. "If you were standing now…would your knees give out, Elena?" She nodded.

Why was he _doing _this? This wasn't okay…he had a girlfriend…she kept telling herself. But it was _amazing_ and she didn't want him to stop. He was torturing her. He was _teasing_ her. He'd always been so very good at teasing…

"Good," he smiled before taking her bottom lip between his and smoothing a sweet, gentle kiss on her. He kept it gentle and real, no tongue. She was just his _friend_ after all…and this…well this was just something he needed to do…just once. She welcomed his lips and felt herself wanting more of him…but she kept it in check, and when he pulled away, she'd looked him right in the eyes. She felt like she would _die_ if she never felt those lips on hers again. If only it had been her _real_ first kiss…. Nothing, _no one_ would _ever_ beat Damon. He'd ruined any other man for her….and it would stay that way…even _years_ later. Even after the knockdown, drag out of it all.

But what she didn't know was that something _shifted_ inside of him that moment. He'd gone from _thinking_ Elena meant more to him than a friend, to _knowing_. Everything about her in that moment had been amazing…her hot breath, the feel of her skin…her warm, pouty, pink lips, now swollen from his kisses. His head was screaming at him, cursing at him for what he'd just done. He'd just screwed up _everything_. There was no denying that he wanted her. When her lips had been with his, he _knew_ things were going on with his body that would _very easily_ give away _how _much that kiss really meant to him…

But she didn't comment on it if she noticed. She was too busy looking dazed and confused and overall weak. She'd let him kiss her… but he was _just_ her friend….

"Oh my God…" she shook her head after a minute of just _staring_ at him. She put her face in her hands and covered herself from him, mortified. "Damon we just…you just _cheated_ on Rebekah…"

"No I didn't," he swallowed, but his voice sounded more like a question. "It wasn't like that, right? I was just helping you, I…." but what his body and his brain were telling him was that he _indeed_ had just cheated on his girlfriend…and he wanted to do it again…and again…and…

"So it meant nothing?" She swallowed. She couldn't believe _that_. She'd felt something from him.

"No, it _meant_ something, Elena," he quickly expelled her concerns. "But you're right. I _do_ have a girlfriend. One time is _one_ thing. She doesn't have to know about it…"

"Oh God…" she wailed. "Now I'm a secret, too… I'm _killing_ your relationship and it's only been a few minutes."

"Stop," he smiled. "Haven't you always wondered what it would be like if we kissed? Well, now we know…so we can stop wondering, hm? It was just a step in our relationship, right?" He tried to justify his feelings, but there was no coming back from this one. "Did I just…are you mad at me for kissing you? Did I hurt you?"

"No…I'm not _mad,_" she blushed. "I'm _floored_ that you did it…but I'm happy. It was…" She had to make a choice. She could tell him she wanted him again…or she could just let it go and stop talking about it. It would come up again one day, she was sure. A kiss _that_ hot that _didn't _involve tongue couldn't be ignored. She was certain.

"Good because I can't let something like this come between us. But I just wanted to say something, just so you _know_," he backed away from her and she jumped down from the counter. "Don't ever let _anyone_ tell you you're a bad kisser. If they do, they're _lying_…." His eyes said everything his lips couldn't…and she understood too. It wasn't good timing…but maybe one day….

They'd filed and sorted through stacks of paper for another hour and before they knew it, they were seated together in a big bean bag chair next to one another, leaned up against the wall in the kid's corner. Their eyes were heavy and the numbers were all starting to blur. The clock on the wall above them read 12:45 a.m. but all concept of time was fading fast.

"When we're older, Lena, we'll remember nights like this," he yawned, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled into him, sleepily. Her head fell onto his shoulder. "Big, scary nights like these…when we're the only people in the whole world who could understand _this_ and _why_ it's scary…"

"I'm not afraid of what I feel," she mumbled. "Not for you." And then she was asleep. The unspoken words that floated between them, in between their dreams, told him everything. One day, when they were older, _she_ would be the one for him. But now…what they had, their amazing, one of a kind friendship that had been built up for almost 9 years was far too important to mess up. She got it, too, he thought.

But in reality, she didn't. She fell asleep praying he'd wake up in the morning, march over to Rebekah's house and break up with her. He wouldn't. Nothing would change regarding Rebekah…but he'd look at Elena with a little more _wonder_ from then on, always knowing how amazing it felt when he'd let himself just _feel_ for her without worrying about anything else. Those few, blissful moments would haunt him, he thought.

But it wouldn't be long before their lips would tangle again. It would get messy quick…_really, really_ messy. It would be a crazy, fucked up situation that would end up sparking the very beginning of the _end_ of anything and _everything_ he'd had with Elena. But he couldn't know that then, as he fell asleep with his best friend in his arms.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" John stormed through the door of the bookstore at 3 a.m. He'd waited at that kitchen table, impatiently, for an hour and a half longer than his time for her to be home before he'd gotten his car in a complete rage and driven, angrily to that bookstore. Oh, she was in for it. John Gilbert was a _very_ stressed man. This was _not_ what he needed….his little girl breaking curfew. She wasn't even 17 and he'd allowed her to stay out to help _his_ business. What was wrong with him? Sometimes he found himself so far gone in his work that he didn't see what it was doing to his family. They all _loved_ that bookstore…but what had it done? It had driven a wedge between Giuseppe and dying wife…and now everything that was happening between he and Miranda…. Had it all been for work?

That bookstore was magical…but only if it was handled correctly. If it was handled wrong, it could lead to complete and utter destruction. It could leave broken hearts in its wake…

So when he pushed the door to that bookstore open and found his baby girl sleeping in the arms of Damon on the floor, papers scattered all around the counter as if….

"ELENA GILBERT!" He shouted, "Do you have any idea what time it is?" He didn't want to yell…and honestly, he was relieved to find her here instead of in a ditch somewhere…but still…the way it _looked_…

She jumped, pulling her sweatshirt over her shoulder and standing up and away from Damon. Damon turned red for a moment and stood up, nervously. He furrowed his brow, creating little lines in his otherwise smooth forehead.

"Pa, I'm sorry, I…we got tired. We lost track of time…"

He watched as John scanned over the counter. "It's a mess in here…care to explain. We have inventory in the morning."

"It's all done…it's…" Elena stuttered. But John's gaze focused solely on Damon. His eyes read 'you better watch it…' and Damon heard it loud and clear. He knew better.

"Get in the car," he said, his eyes still on Damon.

"Don't be angry with her…." Damon pled when she'd walked through the door. "It's my fault. All of it."

"What's going on with you two?" He asked seriously, needing answers. Damon felt _bad_ for him. He knew John was hurting…knew he and Miranda were _struggling_, were hanging on by threads. He'd heard Elena crying about it just days before. He didn't want to hurt this man. But what he didn't know was _why_ John couldn't help but feel anger looking at him. He'd learn, in a few years. He'd finally understand why things had blown up between his best friend's parents…and it would ruin _everything_.

"Nothing, so don't worry," he assured him. "I'd never hurt your daughter. I'm sorry we broke your curfew. It won't happen again."

But it would and _worse_ next time.

* * *

><p>"I think we should keep the kid's corner, don't you?" he walked over to it, plopping down on one of those bean bag chairs. "And these are still the most comfortable seats in the house."<p>

"Sure," she smiled weakly. The memories were infesting her…they were forcing her to feel. Even just being in that building with him was breaking her down, slowly, steadily. When she looked at the beautiful boy in that picture and the man he'd become, she knew he'd grown up _correctly_. She knew all about the relationship he'd been in sincetheir failed attempt at _something_. He knew someone else called him 'baby' and cooked him dinners. She knew he'd even put a ring on that woman's finger a few years ago…but it had come off before any vows were exchanged. She hadn't asked why. She wasn't sure she could _handle_ knowing.

The reasoning behind their 'break up',' if you could call it that, didn't even _exist_ anymore. Nothing that had stopped them from _starting_ anything openly was still in the way. If they'd just _waited_ awhile, everything would've cleared up and they could've just been together, she knew.

But they hadn't waited. They'd exploded on each other and then she'd gone and shut herself off from him _completely_. He'd made attemps, here and there throughout those years, but she'd never let him in. But she'd found herself in his bed a few nights ago…and she'd said it wasn't a big deal.

But when she'd gone back to her room that night, she'd soaked her pillow with tears of regret and pain. It wasn't because she regretted sleeping with him. It was because she said it hadn't _meant_ anything. But if she let her head spin around it enough, she knew it _had_…if even a little bit. It meant that she wasn't completely _lost_ on him. But what hurt the most, more than any pain she locked inside of herself, was the fact that she'd let him _believe_ it. She'd walked out that door letting him believe he'd just become another notch in her bedpost….and there were a _lot_ of notches. _That_ was cause enough to cry herself asleep and pray she wouldn't still have swollen eyes in the morning.

"Lena..." he stood up. "You look _sick_." Her heart broke at his pet name for her. She used to love it when he called her that...

"Just tired," she sighed. "My head's been all over the place. I think what I need is a big cup of coffee," she smiled weakly.

"Best idea I've heard all day," he smiled, happy that she had said something to him without biting his head off. "I'll go next door and grab some. You still like it the same way, right? Two cream, two sugar." She nodded. She wasn't surprised he still remembered, but it was still nice to _know_. He pushed through the door and she fell onto that red bean bag and stared at that picture, willing herself _not_ to cry.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter was fun to write. I needed a little DE action. I like the angst but what's the point with a little treat every now and then? So we kinda see what's going on with Elena **_**now**_** regarding the realizations she's making. I have big plans to explain exactly what happened that blew them apart. This little confusion about the kiss and him having a girlfriend is **_**not**_** it. It's bigger than that. Thanks for reading! Please review! **


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi, again! I'm so excited to keep writing these chapters that I just can't stop myself. Today I was supposed to be sleeping in the day so I could work a twelve plus hour day overnight and instead I was thinking about my characters and plot line….what can I say? **

**We're getting close to a big part of the story here. I know it's somewhat early on, but because my memory flashes are just bits and pieces, I'm not worried that it will be rushed. I'm happy with the pace I've set. **

**Thank you to my reviewers! Hope to hear from you soon. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used To Know<strong>

**Chapter 3**

"So where's Damon?" The woman asked, placing a cardboard box on the counter, nearly knocking over Elena's coffee. Her dark, wavy hair fell down to the middle of her back and her brown eyes bore into Elena's. Her stomach clenched. She knew this face...she'd seen her once…_two years _ was Katherine, Damon's ex-fiancée. She couldn't forget it, simply for the fact that she'd always thought she resembled _her_.

"He was out running an errand. He'll be back any minute. Is there something I can do for you…_Katherine…_" She moved her mug of coffee to the other side of the counter. The woman's eyes flashed as her name came out of Elena's mouth. How _dare_ she try to pretend she knew her.

"Don't even get me started on what _you_ could or _could've_ done," she said angrily. "I'm here to drop of the rest of Damon's stuff. It took a year, but I finally found the rest of his shit…" she shook her head. "It's probably better he isn't here, anyway…." The woman's voice was raspy and she was beautiful. For a moment, Elena felt a certain bitterness toward her, thinking of how this woman had nearly had a _life_ with Damon. She almost _married_ him… "I see it didn't take him long to find you again, did it?"

"Okay, you and I have been in the same room _one_ time before this. We are _not_ talking about anything regarding Damon and I…and honestly, I don't care to hear about Damon and _you_, either," he raised her eyebrows. "I'll give him the box…you may leave now."

"Hm…well if you're going to react like _that_ then maybe I _will_ stick around to see him…" she smiled devilishly. "I may have lost Damon to a _ghost_, but at least I know I can get under your skin about it…." Elena cringed at her words. She could _gather_ what Katherine meant. If she really let her mind go there could figure out that _she_ was that ghost….

"Lena, I got us some breakfast and some more…." his hands were loaded with bags, so he'd pushed the door to the store open with his back. Lately, Elena had been a little nicer to him. He was hanging onto that…hoping. So he'd decided to do something special and get them their favorite breakfast from when they were kids. He wanted to _surprise_ her. But he'd been the one surprised. The last thing he expected to see when he walked back into that store was these two women staring angrily at each other. Things with Kat hadn't ended well…

Elena couldn't _help_ it. Something about the scene playing out before her was therapeutic. It was an awful way to think, she realized. But she'd thought and done a lot of awful things before. At least this one actually made sense.

Damon set the bag on the counter, frowning. His eyes peeked into the box and he opened his mouth to speak to Katherine but she interrupted any sensible thought he had. "I _told_ you," she laughed snottily at him before she picked up her purse and headed toward the door. "Have fun with him, Elena."

He threw his head back for a moment and squeezed his forehead. He exhaled, but Elena could only stare at him now. "I didn't think I'd be seeing her again anytime soon,"

"Bad break up?" She asked seriously, not letting any emotion seep out of her voice.

"You could say that," he dug through the plastic bags, pulling out some bagels and cream cheese for them. He saw the corners of her lips turn up in appreciation. Blueberry cream cheese. Her favorite.

"What happened?" she dared to ask. It was the first time she'd actually showed interest in knowing anything about him in _years_. Maybe it was for selfish reasons, but he'd take anything from her at that point. "You were _engaged_, right?"

"Ugh…." He scrunched up his nose, not wanting to relive that right now. How could he explain the events that led up to the cancellation of his _wedding_? "That's a story I only feel comfortable answering very vaguely with you at this point…" he closed one eye and waited for her reaction. He shouldn't have even cared, really, _how_ she reacted. She'd made her choices years ago.

"She wasn't who I needed her to be," he swallowed. "We got through most of the engagement…then at the dress rehearsal…I…panicked." She watched him intently. "I couldn't marry her. I didn't_ love_ her enough. It was all wrong."

"You must've loved her enough to propose," she chewed her bagel lightly and Damon noticed how her little pointy tongue flicked over the cream cheese. He cleared his throat. Dear. God.

Thankfully he was talking about a very _unsexy_ point in his life. He could concentrate on the _unsexy_ fact that he'd broken up with a woman because he still loved Elena, so that he didn't have to think about the fact that the very _sexy_ Elena was in front of him right now…

"It was a natural step…let's just leave it at that for now, okay?" he smiled, begging her to drop it, and the bagel."Point is, she's still pissed and I'm still sort of embarrassed that I let it get so far without any indication that I wasn't ever going to go through with it."

"Then why did you…?" She moistened her lips and his eyes caught on them.

"Enough, okay…?" He winced and she stopped pushing the subject. She knew he was a sensitive guy. She knew his heart was fragile…

Elena had been in the 'friend zone' when Damon had broken up with a girlfriend before. But back then, she'd been excited about it. Now the thought of him cancelling a wedding over _her_ made her sick. Sick with guilt and sick with anxiety….sick that the butterflies were trying to get back into her stomach but she wouldn't let them in…

And she wasn't even in the 'friend zone' anymore. She was in the 'we had hot random drunken sex and we _still_ don't get along' zone…

"Sorry…" she said simply, but she wasn't sure about what part. She was _sorry_ for a lot of things when it came to him. But that two syllable word was enough to give him hope that she was starting to tear down those icy walls she'd built up between them. She hadn't even said it with gentleness, really. But she'd said it. An _apology _had left her mouth. She hadn't apologized for anything in a _long_ time.

* * *

><p>"Are you seriously just going to <em>leave<em> now?" Rebekah asked the 18-year-old shirtless Damon that rolled out of her bed. "I don't have class for like four hours…." He'd gone to visit her at college in Atlanta. "We won't see each other for another _month_…." She furrowed.

"I have somewhere to _be_," he unbuttoned his jeans and walked toward the shower. She was a sophomore and lived in an apartment with a roommate who was _rarely_ home. They'd had plenty of time to do _whatever_ they wanted _whenever_ they wanted. And they had. "And I have school tomorrow. It's not a hop, skip and a jump away to get home, you know."

"I wish you'd reconsider and come _here_ for school next year. We could spend every night like _last_ night and every morning like this…without the goodbyes." The sheets were wrapped around her tightly. She was a goddess, he knew. And she'd been his first a few months ago. But a part of him was still left so unfulfilled by it all. It hadn't formed some unbeatable, unbreakable emotional connection between them like he'd always thought it would. He'd thought if he'd just slept with her maybe he could just get _Elena_ out of his head. But it hadn't worked.

"I've been accepted to NYU. I'm going there, you know that. And it'll be fine, okay?"

"You're going with _her_," she raised her eyebrows. Elena and Rebekah were _always_ jealous of one another. If one was fine, the other was jealous or angry about _something_. And Rebekah didn't even _ know _about the whole kissing stint from two years ago. He'd kept it to himself because things with Elena had just kind of _stayed_ still. _Mostly_. Maybe he should've been flattered, but instead he was sick about it all.

"Bex…" he felt almost _badly_ that she was so worried about it all the time. He didn't intend to act on anything anytime soon. But intentions are _one_ thing…

"You guys are a little too close for my liking," she admitted. "I don't see you nearly enough but when I _do_ you're always talking about _her. _For God's sake she's basically like _family_ to you," she frowned. "But that's okay… she can pine after you all she wants. You're in _my_ bed…"

"You're being really mean about her," he said honestly. He pulled a towel around his shoulders and turned on the shower. "I gotta tell you, it's a real turn off. You know she's important to me."

"I get it…but I don't want her to be more important than _me_," she admitted. He'd heard_ this_ before, in so many words…from Elena. His blue eyes focused on Rebekah and his heart just about broke with what he was about to do. He'd like Rebekah for _years_. They'd been on again, off again for five years, after all… the shower would have to wait. He walked back to the bed and sat down on it, placing an arm across her sheeted body.

"I don't want to lie to you anymore," he said carefully. "And I'm afraid of how to say this because I do care about you…" her eyes filled with tears but he kept going. "I _do_ feel something more for her…."

But the simple, devastated reaction he thought he'd have from her was anything _but_. Rebekah was stable…he'd expected her to just start bawling and seem like some lost puppy. It was stupid of him to think.

She shoved him off her bed and pulled the sheets around her higher, covering her chest. "You say that to me _now_? After we've _slept_ together for two months? You couldn't tell me that _before_ I told you I loved you? Nice, Damon. _Really_ nice. Get the fuck out." She pointed at the door. "For all I know you've been banging your _sister_ on the side this whole god damn time…."

"She's _not_ my sister," he bit out. "And it isn't _like_ that. I never cheated…I…" he stopped himself there, not wanting to have to get into the kiss. If they were breaking up, why bother telling her and riling her up more? "Look, this would have _always_ come between us, Rebekah. If not now, then sometime in the future…because no matter what, Elena will _always_ be a part of my life. A _big_ part. And I'm not sorry for _that. _I _am _sorry that I hurt you and led you on…"

"Just go, Damon…" she pressed her lips together to keep from cussing him out any more. "I should've _known_ better." He walked to turn off the shower head but she cut him off. "Leave it…I'll get it…just…just _get out_…please…" He pulled on a t-shirt and zipped his jeans, pushing through the door of her apartment and tugging at his hair as he walked to his car. He looked like a complete crazy man…and he had a plane to catch in an hour.

* * *

><p>Something in him had finally just <em>snapped<em>. The tension that was strung so tightly between he and Elena in the past two years wasn't going to just loosen up on its own, but having Rebekah around had made things so much easier. It was when she'd left for the college a month after he'd kissed Elena that things had gotten rough. But he'd let it go practically untouched for two years. Two, agonizing years without one single word about it.

She'd let her eyes linger a little longer on him at times, and he hands seemed to find his more than they used to during conversations or scary movies…but they hadn't kissed or mentioned what those touches had meant.

She'd gone to dances with boys and he'd watched them like a hawk from across the room. He's seen those boys hands glide down her back and rest right above her ass.

He'd cut in, every time, and held her just a little tighter and closer to him than the other guys had. He was holding onto the hope that she'd still feel like he still felt…and that one day, when all the messes of high school were nearly over…he could finally just _tell her_.

All the while that he'd pined for Elena, he'd spent countless hours on the phone and on the plane to stay connected to Rebekah. They'd worked side by side at that bookstore every day and every night, each pretending they weren't dying to lose themselves in one of those bean bag chairs… and just _be_. So what was he waiting for?

* * *

><p>And then one day…about a week after he'd come home from breaking up with Rebekah…it happened. It was a chilly fall day and the leaves were changing colors on the big trees outside that big picture window of their store. She walked in the door with a white scarf wrapped around her neck, her body covered in a black, tight fitting pea coat and her legs in tight jeans. Her hair was twisted and pinned up in the back of her hair and her cheeks were tinted with the slightest of pinks from the wind.<p>

It was dark out and the street lights shined in on her hair when she stood in the doorway. She was moving in slow motion, he thought. But it was his imagination. Everything with Elena had _always_ been in slow motion. Not anymore…

He was leaned against the counter. He'd been waiting for her to come, that night. He'd asked her at school if she would meet him there. He said he had something important to tell her. ..

She smiled when she locked eyes with him and she met him at the counter. "What's so important?" She was eighteen, too. Ten years...they'd known each other for ten, _crazy_ years. But the look in his eyes was different that night. He was looking at her _wildly_, almost.

She knew he and Rebekah and broken up, but she didn't know _why_. She assumed it was the distance, or because they'd be even further apart next year at NYU…but it had nothing to do with that and _everything _to do with her.

She leaned against the counter, next to him and let her eyes fall on the magnificent man in beside her. But he was walking in front of her, standing so close. There were barely four inches between them and her back was arched against that counter. She wasn't afraid, just really, really confused…

"I rushed over here right away after I turned in my article at the newspaper and…." She began to undo the scarf but his hand found it first and unraveled it. As soon as it was gone his hand was on the soft skin on the back of her neck and his lips were pressing into hers _hard_. It was a demanding and fiery kiss, so very different than their little first kiss two years ago. But he was wilder and older now. He was more experienced…far more so than she was…and he'd held onto this for too long. She kissed him back, meeting his hungry lips with kisses even _stronger_ than his. His hands were unbuttoning her jacket and sliding it off her shoulders and soon it was on the ground.

Her hands were tangling in his hair, gripping it roughly and tugging it. "Elena…" he gasped roughly as his lips moved down to nip at her neck. He needed to just stop kissing her and _talk_ to her, but his need was so great and her hands were sliding up the front of his shirt, scraping her nails along his abs. He shivered at the contact. "God, Elena, I've been…."

"Shhh," she put a finger up to his lip. "Don't ruin it," she shook her head just a centimeter. It was almost unnoticeable, but he saw _every_ move she made. "Just kiss me…" He pressed his hands into her hips and went down to bite her shoulder through the thin material of her wide necked shirt. At the rate he was going, she'd have marks all _over _her by the end of it, but she didn't care. She started walking him backwards into the corner with the bean bags again and the instant he'd felt his heels touch them, he tightened his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her down on top of him.

Her tongue was working its way inside of his mouth now, stroking along his. She'd wanted this for countless days. Her lips were slick and _his_ lips glided easily along hers, devouring them. It was finally happening. He was finally really, honestly, _kissing her_.

"I have to tell you," he looked at her with crazy, lust filled eyes. His chest was tight, he was almost out of breath. "I have to tell you that I've wanted to do _this_ over and over again, every day for the last two years, Elena…" he touched her cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I can't ignore this anymore…" he whispered in her ear before nibbling on the lobe. "I can't _think_ about what will happen if this goes _wrong_…

"Nothing will go wrong, it _can't_…" she panted, staring at him.

"All I can think about is how badly I want this with you…" he moaned.

Her lips were on his again in an instant. "Me too," she nodded. "I want you, too." She was holding onto his shirt with her fists, the material threatened to rip with each tug. She started to unbutton his shirt and trail kisses down his chest and onto his abdomen. She was _wild_, he thought. He'd never imagined Elena like _this_ before. She was really, _really good_ at this…

And then her hands were working down to unbutton his jeans as she kneeled in front of him. Her lips were tracing up the insides of his thighs and he _knew _what she was about to do. He sat straight up and caught her chin in his hand, holding it sweetly.

"Woah, Elena…" he laughed and pulled her back up to him. "What are you _doing_?"

"What does it look like?" She raised her eyebrows and fixing her fingers on him again.

"Come up here," he tugged her back onto his lap. "We are not doing _that_ right now." He stroked her face gently. "And it kind of scares me that you seem to know what you're _doing_ down there…."

She ignored the comment and looked up at him with a perfect pout. She looked like a hungry goddess and he needed to deny her…he needed to…

"I want to," she assured him. "I need to make you _mine_…" she growled. What had come over her? She was like a wild woman. He had to remind himself that he would _not_ let anything like that go on that night, as badly as he wanted it, too.

"I have _always_ been yours," he kissed her forehead. His words shook her completely. Those were words she'd _never_ get out of her head. "And you don't need to do _that_ to remind me how much I want to be with you."

"But she's all over you, everywhere," Elena said sadly. "I want that to be _me…_"

"You _will_ be," he promised. "One day. But today's not that day. Today's the day I _kiss_ you senseless and tell you how much I _love_ you…" his heart nearly burst at the words. He hadn't intended for them to come out so easily, but they had. It was so natural.

"You love me?" she felt all the blood rushing into her cheeks.

"I _love_ you, Elena. You have nothing to worry about…I've already forgotten her... I think I started forgetting her two years ago when I kissed you for the first time. I should've just acted on my feelings for you then,"

"We were young…we're adults now. We can _do_ whatever we want…" she tapped him on the chest with her finger.

"You are a little _minx_," he rubbed her cheekbones with the sides of his thumbs. "And that is really _hot_…but I'm sticking to it. Now come here, lay in my arms, and kiss me all night…like you love me, too…"

"I _do_ love you… I've loved you for years, Damon…before I even knew what love was…" she said sweetly. "And the idea of being here with you, like this, all night is _so_ tempting…But what about your Dad?" she whispered, blinking her pretty eyes at him.

She knew Giuseppe always came in late to work in the store on Thursday nights. He was set to be there in about an hour.

"You were about to do _that_ to me and you weren't worried about him walking in then…." He winked. "Priorities, my sweet…"

"Eh…I wasn't thinking with my brain at that point," she blushed. "But seriously, what if he sees?"

"Who cares? I don't. Do you care if he sees us together, like this? We have nothing to _hide_, do we? You know they've probably always known we'd go down this road someday. Besides, I want _them_ to know before everyone else…"

"I don't care if you don't care. And now that there aren't really _rules_ about how long I can stay out…or what I can do while I'm out…or _who_…"

"Jesus, Elena. Don't _say_ shit like that…" his heart was racing. "You're making it _really_ hard for me to remember what we're _not_ going to do tonight."

"Second rule?" she shrugged, "Don't pretend to be all goody goody and stuck up. I may _look_ like a good girl, but I've spent way too much time wanting _this..._So if you change your _mind_…" she stuck out her tongue.

He was slightly rattled at how strongly she'd come onto him. He'd never known her to be so wild. It was almost out of character… but he attributed it to what she'd said. She'd been wanting him for years, and she wanted to rid him _completely_ of everything Rebekah had ever given him. He wondered if she would so easily have done those things to other guys…her _other_ dates in the two years between their kisses… but he shut it out of his brain. She was too sweet to just throw herself around like that.

"I'm flattered you want me so badly, but we're not having sex tonight. _Any_ kind of sex. So get that cute, dirty little mind out of the gutter and back up here on my _eyes_." He kissed her gently until they fell asleep.

They woke with a start when they head some rustling in the back room. Damon wrapped his arms around her tightly and placed a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. She'd looked so _frightened_ at the sound…

"No, no one's here…." He hadn't seen them sleeping in those bean bag chairs. "If you want to meet me here in an hour…" his voice clearly. "Can you get out okay? Okay...well I'm glad to hear that… yes, okay, I'll see you in an hour then."

"Shit, we need to go…." He scrambled up his things and adjusted his clothing. He helped Elena throw on a sweatshirt and wrapped her jacket around her shoulders quickly.

"I thought you said it was no big deal," she laughed.

"I don't know who's coming. Who could _possibly_ be coming over so late?" He frowned. "This is weird and I don't like it. Part of me actually _wants_ to stick around to find out…"

"No, no, you're right. Let's sneak out the front before he can hear." She slid her boots back on and rubbed her eyes, unsticking the mascara that held her pretty lashes together.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, Lena," he kissed her on the lips gently. "Maybe we should keep it on the low until our parents know?" He had a sudden thought. Something was brewing. Something strange…

"Fine by me, as long as I get to call you _mine_ when we're alone," She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him gently. "I love you."

"I love _you_, kitten," he pinched her nose gently and she turned to walk away, her white scarf glowing in the street lights. She was beautiful and she was _his_…

* * *

><p>Giuseppe found Damon standing outside, his breath showing in the cold air. He put his hand on this shoulder and Damon jumped. "Sneaking out a girl, son? You just broke up with Rebekah…"<p>

"Maybe," he wiped his mouth to make sure none of her lipstick was still on him. "Sneaking _in_ a girl, Dad?"

"Excuse me?" His eyes tightened. Damon had meant it as a joke. He didn't really think his father was seeing anyone…but why _was_ someone coming over so late?

"I was just _kidding_. Don't get so angry," he elbowed him. "See you tomorrow. I'm going to bed."

"Yeah…" Giuseppe smiled awkwardly. "Call me when you get home. I need to ask you to check something there, quick…"

But there was nothing to check. Once Giuseppe had found out Damon was _on_ to him, he'd scrambled to come up with an excuse to ensure he actually _got_ home before _she_ came over. He didn't need Damon being involved in this one…

"Yeah, sure thing, Dad," he smiled weakly, wishing he had a more open relationship with his father. Maybe then he could've told him that the woman he so desperately needed to be with, who he'd snuck out was Elena. Sometimes it felt like John was closer to him than Giuseppe. At least _John_ got _angry_ with him when he did something stupid.

* * *

><p>"Don't be sorry that I almost married someone I didn't love," he shrugged as if it was nothing. "If you're going to be sorry for something, Elena, be sorry that you're a terrible liar."<p>

"Excuse me?" she felt the chill coming up again, the one that started to build that wall inside her again. She'd almost let on that she was uncomfortable.

"Being back here, with me, in this place. It's getting to you, isn't it?" He smiled. "See, a week ago, when we first opened our doors, you wouldn't even look me in the eyes. And now we're actually having a _conversation_."

"Don't get all cocky and 'I told you so.' I'm trying to be _decent_. Is that so hard to believe that I don't completely hate you?"

"Kind of, yes," he said honestly, laughing. "Seeing as you told your Dad you did a few years ago."

She froze. Had John and Damon still been so close, after everything that fell out between them? She remembered when John had looked at Damon as if he was the devil's son. In John's eyes, he was. His friend had _become_ the devil to him….

"I don't hate you and I never did," she admitted. It was a start. "But it doesn't mean we're friends again, so don't start on me with that…and the whole _sex_ thing…you're the one who carried me to that bed and took my clothes off…"

"Because you _begged_ me to," he reminded her. She knew he was right. She _had. _Her eyes buckled for a minute and he felt a sense of success. Maybe a little wall was coming down. Maybe…

"You know, Elena, you are _so_ closed off that it's horrifying. One minute you look at me like you remember _us_ and the next I'm a stranger again. Frankly, I'm sick of it. When you figure out which one it is, let me know, okay? I'll be in the back sorting books." He smiled roughly, pleadingly. "I try to be nice and try to get along with you but I guess you're just not interested. And don't come back there and start shit again. I'm done arguing with you today."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Elena almost seemed desperate, didn't she? My intentions are to show that she's always had this slight issue with control when it comes to Damon and wanting him, but it never really reared it's ugly head until they were at this point in their lives. The secret is she still **_**has **_**that issue. That's why she's so stubborn…because she's out of control and she can't get it back. Soon I'll reveal a major piece to the puzzle of why they blew apart. I hope you stick with me. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: There was no better time or frame of mind to be in than I was when I wrote this. My crazy work schedule has provided a chance for me to write this completely sleep deprived. I think it worked out better this way. I just kinda went with how I felt about them and how wanted us all to see this start of the blow up. I spent a lot of time thinking about exactly what I needed to include in this chapter to the ball clearly **_**rolling**_**…but still leave a little room for surprise for my coming chapters.**

**In the middle of a flashback, you will see some bolded text. I've chosen to do this to emphasize a conversation held by a different pair of characters within a scene. This sounds confusing now, I know. But you'll get it. I hope. **

**Thanks for everything. Please review because this chapter is a big one! I hope you enjoy.**

**Last but not least, my plan is to use the Gotye song "Somebody That I Used to Know" for this, mainly, but for this chapter, I just keep hearing one little part of a very familiar, classic Madonna song...**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used To Know<strong>

**Chapter 4**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"Romeo and Juliet,<em>**

**_they never felt this way I bet..._**

**_ So don't underestimate my point of view"_**

**_-Cherish, Madonna_**

* * *

><p>"Why are you soaking wet on my doorstep at 2 a.m.?" Damon grumbled, staring at her with wary eyes. Something was definitely up. Her hair was dripping wet, some curls clumping from what he assumed was the sudden downpour outside. Her clothes clung to her tightly and he saw little goosebumps on her skin. She looked <em>cold<em>, uncomfortable. He sighed and moved aside to let her into his apartment. Since she'd moved back to Mystic Falls, she'd been to his place all of _one_ time, and it had been to return the cell phone he'd left at the bookstore.

She stepped inside without saying a word, and his eyes fell to her feet. She was in _heels_, of all things. He rolled his eyes, but a sick feeling sank in his stomach. This scene was all too familiar. He'd seen her like this before, but she'd been walking out of a random man's apartment, _carrying_ her heels, when she was 19 years old.

But now she looked anything but the picture she had back then. Tonight, she looked desperate, defeated. He saw the square little wet marks the bottoms of her heels had left in his carpet. Her arms hung on her sides. Her eyes were weak, deflated. He swallowed. His mouth, dry from sleep, couldn't link up enough with his brain at this hour to say a thought that was appropriate. If he wasn't careful, he'd end up insulting her, or worse, falling all over her…

"The power went out at my house," she frowned, staring at him in his sleepy, grumpy state.

What was he _supposed_ to say? And you're wet _why?" _His fingertips pushed into his eyes, trying to wake himself up. He'd gone to bed only two hours ago. He was in that deep state of sleep and now he'd be up the rest of the night, he was sure.

"I walked here." He frowned. She _walked_ two miles in the rain? He didn't like the sound of _that_. Even if she _did_ bother the living shit out of him sometimes, he still worried about her out late by herself wandering around _alone_. After all, he wasn't the one still driving the wedge between them. "My garage door wouldn't open because of the power and I lost the key to the lock, and…"

And she'd shown up at _his_ place. He wasn't sure if this was a _good_ thing or a dangerous thing. She shivered a minute, as he pondered what the _hell_ to do, and that familiar urge to protect her found itself creeping back up into him. He'd make a mental note to not be such a pushover around her in the future.

The reason he'd been up in the first place was because she'd been bothering him. Then when his brain had finally relaxed for a few moments enough to get into a good state of sleep, there she was again.

"There was an accident by my place. Someone hit a trafflic light and _bam_," she snapped her wet, cold fingers. "No power for Elena. I called the electric company and they have no estimated time it's going to be returned," she sighed. While she'd explained, he'd fetched a towel from his linen closet. Years ago, he would've stripped her out of those wet clothes himself and wrapped that towel around her little body…but now the simple gesture of _giving_ her a towel seemed like a big deal.

He didn't _have_ to help her, he knew. He could've easily just told her to get out. But he knew _nothing_ was easy when it came to Elena and he always ended up helping her by default. He didn't have it in him to watch her cold and shaking, even if she _had_ been rude to him earlier.

"So you figured you'd show up here," his fingers automatically pressed into the coffeemaker and he grabbed down two mugs. He'd be up awhile, he knew. She didn't look like she planned to leave anytime soon. "Because there's no way I _wouldn't_ let you in, right? Even though it's in the middle of the night?" If she was going to use words to bite at _him,_ he might as well _bite back_.

"I didn't know where else to go. I didn't _have_ anywhere else," she stood in his kitchen ringing out her hair. Her clothes were still sticking to her and she was still shivering.

"Ugh," he sighed deeply. He couldn't help _but_ help her. "Go take a shower…" he sat down at the kitchen table and rubbed his hands flatly over his strong face. "I'll find you something to wear while we wash your clothes and dry them…"

"Thank…" she started, staring at the man who appeared completely stressed as he sat in that wooden chair with his head in his hands. She was the cause of his stress, she knew. "Thank you."

"Its fine…" he said seriously, not really wanting her to get into it anymore just then. "I won't pour your coffee until you're done…" he knew she took epically long showers. Maybe he'd be lucky enough to catch a few winks at the table while he waited. But he'd be kidding himself if he _really_ believed that. His brain would be cussing at him for remembering the way she looked when she was soapy and warm.

When Elena made it out of the shower and found the clothes he'd laid out for her in the guest room as he said he would, her heart froze. They were _her_ clothes. Her pair of jeans and _her_ dark red, wide necked shirt. She hadn't seen them in _years_. Her throat tightened with what she knew was emotion left untouched for ages. She knew exactly when she'd lost these. She _didn't_ know why he still had them...but she wasn't angry about it. She was surprised. Several random guys for her and a fiancé later for him, he still had _these_ clothes from _that_ night…

She tugged them on and was happy they still fit the same. She'd kept her same thin frame she'd had as a teenager, but she'd gotten slightly curvier and _fuller_ in some areas. He hadn't minded. When she walked out to the kitchen to thank him again, she found him face down at the table. She could _swear_ she heard him snoring. A small smile spread across her lips…the kind that reached her eyes. He wouldn't see it now…wouldn't see that tiny moment of familiarity that rested on her face. But he knew from seeing it every now and then, that it looked _good_ on her.

She poured herself a hot mug of coffee and sat down across from him at that table, just _watching _him and listening to the sounds of his sleep. That was the thing about Damon, she knew. He always looked so comfortable and happy when he slept. He was always warm and soft and cuddly. Not like the loosely, cold arms of the other men she'd slept with. She'd been falling asleep randomly with this man over the course of twenty years. There was no way to beat the way _that_ felt.

She knew she wouldn't get to feel it that night. She'd been too mean to him…and too cold and rough. But would she ever feel it again one day? Why was she even thinking about it? She didn't even deserve the kindness he was showing her by letting her storm in his house in the middle of the night, she knew. Maybe she was just too good at using him, but she wished it wasn't the reason she'd wandered here. She'd come to him because she knew he would make her feel better. She was a selfish, detached bitch that hadn't felt safe and warm in a man's arms in more than ten years…

She'd done it to herself, he said. But he wasn't completely innocent either. When she pled with him to reconsider, so many years ago, that what they were faced with _wasn't_ the end of their world, he had completely shut her out without a second thought. And while in a way she always knew he _would_ if it came down to it, she'd hoped _so hard_ that some trigger inside of him would just set off and he'd just let things go back to the way they were before they _knew_….

* * *

><p>"Well, I think we're going to head over to Caroline's," Elena said calmly, as she lied through her perfect, white teeth. "The three of us have a Spanish project we have to do."<p>

They hadn't found the right time to share their relationship with their parents yet. And there was something so _fun_ about sneaking around. But it wasn't a game…

Giuseppe fiddled with the lock to the door and opened his car door. "That's good, actually, because I won't be home tonight either. Can you find your own dinner, Damon? I have something going on tonight." Damon smiled, happy to see his father going out again…even if he _was_ still being completely vague about it all.

"Oh yeah, we'll probably order a pizza or something, don'tcha think?" He raised his eyebrows at Elena, but his eyes told her they had _other_ plans.

"Yeah, it's fine Giuseppe, don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow after school for my shift," she waved as the man got in his car and drove away. As soon as they were sure he was gone, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Damon's hand curled into hers and squeezed it. "Nice lie, baby," he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. It was dark and they were behind a tree. No one would see them. "So it sounds like he _won't_ be home after all. I guess we can go to my place, then." He wrapped his arms around her, closing the distance between them and pressing her back up against that tree, kissing her neck.

"Well then let's go. There are far more comfortable places to be doing this than _here_," she laughed. "And well…we'll be alone so anything _else_ that happens…" she let her tongue slide along her lips seductively and his heart slammed in his chest. They'd been messing around without _sex_ for almost two months. Tonight was the night. Tonight she knew she'd lose her virginity to the only man she'd _ever_ love; her very best friend.

So when they got to his house, they'd barely unlocked the door before clothes were being torn off and she was walking backwards to that familiar bedroom she'd played in as a child. Together they'd played super heroes and teacher and everything else little kids play. But they weren't kids anymore, and tonight that room would hold completely _different _kind of magic.

His cool hands were sliding up her sides in a frenzy, and he pulled her dark red shirt over her head. His mouth was sucking on her shoulders, biting a trail of wild, marking kisses on her smooth skin. He lifted her up against the wall and kissed her stomach, just below her ribs, holding her legs around him. "I love you so much, Elena," he whispered as he looked into her beautiful, chocolate eyes. She looked like she could _die_ she was so happy to be there in _that_ moment with him.

She dug her nails into his shoulders trying to get him as close to her as possible. She needed to feel him. Her heart was about to burst. "I love you…" she messed her hands in his hair. They had gone through every milestone in life together and now he was going to give her the greatest gift of her life, she knew. When she was little, she knew she wanted to know him forever…but now, she knew she needed to _love_ him and be with him like _this_ forever, too. Anything else would just be wrong.

They had done _things _before….things her mother would probably cry about if she knew…but Elena found consolation in knowing she would always trust the man she'd done them with. But now, after so many years of tension and love, they were about to be united as one. Nothing could change her mind about him. _Nothing_.

"Make love to me," she pled as he held her bottom and carried her up to his bedroom. "Please," she bit his earlobe and he answered her hungrily by holding her tighter and walking up those stairs a little faster.

"Try and stop me," he teased, throwing her down on the bed gently and crawling on top of her. He kissed her wildly as she pulled his t-shirt off and managed to wiggle off his jeans. He was in a pair of black silk boxers on top of her and she was in her lacy, black underwear. They were losing all sense of self control. They hadn't wanted to be in control. Not _that_ night…

**They hadn't shut the door to the bedroom. And when the voices in the hallway…the voices that _weren't_ supposed to be there heard moaning and screaming and laughing from voices that were too _familiar_ to them….**

**"I thought you said Damon and Elena went to Caroline's," the woman whispered in Giuseppe's ear. "You think it was a cover so Damon could sneak a girl in? Would Elena really help him sneak some little girl in here to sleep with?"**

**"I don't know…but I told them I was going to be gone, too. I wouldn't doubt he found some new girl to hook up with and brought her here. Damon's not exactly _innocent_. It's something we'll have to deal with. I hope you're ready for that…when it's time…"**

**"I am," she whispered.**

Damon moved to nip at the skin above her breast, tugging at her bra strap and she moaned his name, clawing her nails into his scalp. "Please, Damon…." He looked up into her eyes and smiled devilishly. His cheeks were red, and his lips were swollen from her kisses…

They couldn't see or hear anything but each other as he went to slide down her panties. They couldn't hear or see _them_ walking in….

"Oh my GOD! ELENA?" Miranda screamed. Never in her wildest, scariest dreams would she have guess those sounds were coming out of _her_ daughter…

Elena shot upright, Damon hovering above her still _more_ than visibly _happy_ to be there… but once Elena's eyes came into focus, she saw what was unfolding before _her, _too. And it was worse. It was way, way worse than anything she and Damon had done or were about to do.

Miranda cringed when she caught her daughter's attention. Her baby's eyes were lust filled and dangerous. She looked thoroughly roughed up, wild and _grown_ _up_, her mother thought. And this was _so_ much more wrong now….

"Oh _MY_ GOD," Elena screamed immediately. Miranda was half undressed, too, and Giuseppe's hands were frozen on the skin under her shirt where they'd been roaming before they'd walked past Damon's open door and found _this_. She'd been halfway up to Giuseppe's room to commit the same act…only _she_ was a married woman….married to the best _friend_ of the man she'd been cheating with.

"Elena, no…What the hell…what are you doing? You're naked, you're… you can't, no, you're…." she stuttered. It was all too much….

She was absolutely mortified.

"What am _I_ doing, Mom?" Her cheeks were crimson with anger and embarrassment. "What are _you_ doing? You're cheating on Dad with Giuseppe? You're…" and all the sudden it hit her like a crazy wave of sickness. Not only was her mom cheating, she was cheating with the _father_ of the man _she_ was in love with. "I'm trying to have sex with my boyfriend…" she cried. "And you just made that a _whole_ lot more complicated than it _ever_ needed to be…"

Damon rolled off of her at that and tugged his shirt back on over his head and pulled his jeans back on. Her words were the proverbial bucket of cold water, killing _any _bit of lust in that moment. This was about to get messy really, really quickly…

"Don't talk that way to me," she scolded her. "You're _sleeping_ with Damon? How long as _this_ been going on?"

"We've been together for two months," she said proudly…but Damon could hear the terror in her voice. The panic was setting in. She was on the defensive.

At first his eyes were on Elena, but then they shot to Giuseppe's. He'd never, in his craziest, _nightmare_ s, have guessed the woman his father was swooning over was the mother of his girlfriend.

"I'm not a _kid_. I can do this if I want to. I _love_ him, Mom… And _that_," she motioned between the two parents, "What you're doing is wrong and sick and…does Dad _know_? Oh my GOD, Mom…."

It seemed to be all she could say. Her world was crashing down before her and she hadn't even started _processing_ what this would mean for her and Damon. Right now, all she could think of was her _Dad_.

"We're getting divorced…in a month… he knows I've been unfaithful…"

"This is bullshit," Elena said quickly. She wasn't sorry for feeling that way either.

"How _long_?" Damon bit out at his father. "How _long_ have you been _fucking_ Miranda, Dad?"

"Damon, watch your mouth," he warned him, but the guilt was hitting his stomach. "That is completely inappropriate." Elena squeezed his hand, praying it was all a terrible dream.

"Maybe, but what _you're_ doing is worse. Now answer me, please…." He growled. "How _long_? Were you with her when Mom was sick? You're the reason John and Miranda have been having problems, aren't you?"

"Son…" he tried to explain, but there weren't words for this. "No matter what I say it's going to sound bad. I can't defend this to you without it sounding…"

"Just _tell_ us, please," Elena begged, wrapping that silky black sheet around her mostly naked form. "You _owe_ us this…."

"No. We weren't together when your Mom was alive, Damon. It's been two years," Miranda said simply. "We've been seeing each other for two years. We _love_ each other…"

"I don't _believe_ this," Elena got up, shaking her head. "The divorce you just mentioned isn't even _final_, Mom. For some _unknown _reason, Dad keeps putting it on hold…" she reminded her. Miranda was flushed, sick-looking. "You make me _sick,_" she spat out, tears running down her cheeks. "Dad's done nothing but love you and this is how you treat him…" her words were slicing right through her mother. "And _you,_ Giuseppe. My Dad is your _best_ friend. Does that mean _nothing_ to you?"

"Elena, stop. We're going to sit down and talk through all this. Just calm down, please, sweetie…" but Elena shook her head angrily in disbelief.

"We were going to tell you," Miranda said the words quickly, but her voice was shaky and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the state of undress her daughter was in.

"I find that hard to believe. The only reason you're telling us know is because you _have_ to," Elena screamed. "This could've carried on _forever_. What if you _never_ told us? What if Damon and I got _engaged_ one day and…." She swallowed her tears back. They ran hotly down her throat, hurting her. "Would you have ruined the wedding? Would you have broken up for _us?"_

Miranda just stared at her daughter, out of words.

"Then how can you expect us to break up for _you_?" She screamed. She could've shattered glass with the anger in her voice. It scared Damon. He was _scared_ for her.

This was wrecking her.

"Well it's not that way. We're the parents, you're the kids. This is the way it is. I'm sorry you're hurting, but I can't talk to you when you're in _bed_ with Damon looking like _that_, Elena, so get _up_, get _dressed_ and let's go. We'll talk about this at home."

"No, we're talking about it right here and right now," she rivaled her. Her arms were flying around angrily and Damon barely had the strength to settle her down. She was getting wild, crazy….

"Damon's a part of this too, and Giuseppe. All we need is _Dad_ here and the whole fucking happy family would be here…" she cried.

And it was the icing on the cake of destruction, those words. _Family_. What Miranda was about to say would everyone in the room into a black hole that most of them would never really beat out.

"We were going to tell you because we're getting_ married_, _Elena_." she said seriously, staring into the desperate, broken eyes of her little girl. "As soon as the divorce is finalized, we're getting married."

Damon's hand fell off of Elena's back and he threw himself back on the pillows that were in disarray across his bed. Elena couldn't breathe.

"Get out of bed now, son," Giuseppe said. "You can't be doing that with the woman whose about to be your sister…."

"I loved her before you loved Miranda," he bit out. "Thanks for ruining it…" He kissed Elena on the cheek, wiping a tear off as it rolled down. "We'll talk later, I promise."

"Damon, wait…" she begged, tugging at his bare arms.

"It's _okay_," he smiled weakly. He had to be strong for her. He could see how badly she was breaking down. This night, this amazing, perfect night they'd dreamed of sharing for what seemed like a lifetime, would now go down in the books as the _second_ worst night of their lives. The first was yet to happen… "Go home with your Mom. Get some rest."

"I love you," she said, nervously, praying he'd say it back. But when their parents just stared at them, he couldn't process what it all meant. "I _need_ you, Damon…"

"I'll call you later," he repeated. "It'll all be okay."

No 'I love you.' Nothing.

But it wouldn't be. Because picking up the pieces of a hot mess like that wasn't so simple. She was about to be his _sister_. He was so very much in love with her, and had been for so very long. If only he'd acted on it sooner…if only they'd just told their parents early on before things had gotten so crazy and deep with them, maybe this transition would be easier. He'd _done_ things with her that he could _never_ do again. And he hadn't done the things he'd wanted to…. And now, it seemed…he'd _never_ get the chance….

He loved her, but he couldn't be with her like _that_ anymore. It wasn't right. But how could he convince her? She'd looked at him with a heart _full_ of hope and dreams. She'd looked _certain_ that he'd completely agree with her that this wasn't an issue. She _trusted_ him with everything and he loved her with everything he had. They had loved each other first…it was true…but no matter what they did, it couldn't change the fact that they were about to be related…and that it was so, very wrong.

Yes, they were old enough that they wouldn't be living under the same roof or anything strange like that…and yes, some people might've thought it was perfectly fine for them to date and have sex and do all that regardless of what their parents were doing. But not him. He was _angry_ with his father and with Miranda…he loved her, too, for all these years. But he still _loved_ his dad and wanted him to be happy. He'd had a hard lot in life…and he didn't want to make things any harder than they already were….

But someone would always get hurt. Years later, he'd wish he would've chosen to hurt his Dad. Because after seeing the path of self-destruction that _one_ little confession had set her on, he'd _never_ really get her back….

They couldn't be together at family events, holding hands. They couldn't be at the same school and _dating_ and _sleeping _together when they knew their parents were doing the same thing in the room next door. For God's sake, if their parents were _younger_, they could have a half sibling…. Ugh….

He was absolutely, positively heartbroken. But he could handle being hurt. He was more concerned for _her_. She'd looked like she was about to explode. She looked hollow, she looked sad…empty. She _hadn't_ looked like Elena. And he'd hated it.

* * *

><p>"Your coffee's getting cold," she smiled weakly at him. His eyes were batting open, blinking to find a clear image of the beautiful woman in front of him. "But you looked so peaceful."<p>

His eyes scanned over her hair and saw that it had dried. She was in the outfit he'd laid out for her and she looked as amazing in it as the first time he'd seen her wear it. She'd never taken it home that day because she'd been in such a mood she'd just thrown on a pair of _his_ sweatpants and one of _his_ t-shirts and gone home. But he'd saved them. He'd washed them and folded them and stored them in his dresser. One day, in some way, shape or form, she just might need them again, he'd told himself. And she had.

"How long was I out for?" his coffee was _indeed_ cold. "Ugh, this is terrible." He cringed, spitting it back into the mug. He caught her _smiling_ at him.

"Long enough," she nodded simply. She wouldn't tell him where her memory had taken her while he was sleeping, or that she'd wished, for a moment, that she could crawl up next to him and go to sleep too. She'd ruined everything when it came to that. He may have made _his_ choices back then, but she'd done far worse in the aftermath. She knew it. And one day, she'd admit it to him. But not that night.

"Thank you for letting me come in and clean myself up. You didn't _have_ to, I realize." She folded her arms and tucked her head into the crook of her elbows, looking up at him.

"I was just trying to make you mad before when I implied that I shouldn't have let you in," he sighed. "I was tired and crabby. You and I both know I wouldn't let you freeze, Elena."

"I know…but I shouldn't just assume, either. Sometimes I think I take advantage of _this _and you," she swallowed. "This is weird situation we have between us." …" he was surprised to hear some truth in the sound of her voice. "

"As long as I know you're not doing this," he frowned, pausing, "any of _this_ to actually _hurt_ me…we'll be okay. But I need you to start being real with me. We don't have to be best friends, or almost siblings or anything like that at all, anymore. If that's what you really want. We can just be partners. But if it isn't what you want, Elena. You need to tell me. Please, stop shutting me out

"I'm not trying to hurt you anymore," she frowned. "But I'm kind of sick of walking on eggshells around you," she said sleepily. "Sometimes I wish I could just be myself without being afraid of what you'll think of me."

The words registered in his head and they actually made _sense. _He'd spent so much time thinking about how she'd been shut off and distant and he hadn't really thought about what she thought of him. She'd said the other day that she never hated him. So what else was she holding back?

"I know I'm not the way I used to be. I know I'm not _little_ Elena, your best friend. And I'm not your _Lena_, either…not really. You call me that, accidentally sometimes, but it's not the same. I'm not that girl, anymore. And I don't think you can accept that. Something _cracked_ between us, Damon, and it's _never_ going to be the same." He was _shocked_ that she was saying anything about feelings without shutting down. But he'd listen. He was sleepy as hell, but he couldn't miss this. Couldn't miss the slightest chance that she might sneak out again…

She was being honest. She knew she couldn't be who he needed her to be…but part of the reason she was struggling to get along with him was because she was fighting a ghost. She was trying to out_do_ a woman who didn't exist anymore…and she'd _never_ beat her. She was his angel then, and now his eyes screamed 'devil' when he looked at her. Why couldn't he just accept her for who she was _now_? She wondered. It was all he'd ever get….

"But I'm _trying_, here. It may not seem like it, but I am. I know that perfect little picture you had of me is ruined forever. I _know_ I made bad choices, back then. But what can I do about it now except tell you that I _realize_ what I did was wrong? I'm not who I was in college, anymore. I know I've closed myself off to you and that you don't realize that. I know I'm doing a good job of locking you out…Maybe it's because I know that I can't be the girl you're so desperately looking for. And I'm sorry that you're never going to find her," she breathed. Were his eyes _shaking_? They were doing _something._ "I can't be her…but I _would_ like to be _me_," she sighed, a tear rolling down her cheek and her voice starting to shake.

He hadn't realized…. He swallowed dryly, his heart thrumming in his neck. She was actually _crying_ and it was for _him_. She hadn't said anything about still loving him or about wanting him. She'd simply expressed that she wanted to get along. In the long run, it seemed like a simple request. But when he'd been waiting for _ten_ years to hear her say _anything_ relating to them….it was enough.

"Okay," he looked at her seriously and reached out to touch the tear that rolled down her cheek. It happened naturally, and it didn't feel awkward. It felt like something he needed to do…needed to give her, somehow. "Okay, I'll try….but you have to try to be _honest_ with me, Elena. Please."

She nodded, her eyes were loaded with heaviness.

"You can stay tonight," he said to her softly. "We have to be to work early tomorrow anyway and by the time we're done there, your power will probably be back on."

"Thank you, Damon," she said humbly. "I know I've changed….but I think you're still as kind as you've always been," he smiled, heading to the guest room. "Goodnight,"

"Night," he said, furrowing his brows. He was _baffled_.

He wasn't sure what happened, but he liked it. It gave him _hope_. What did he _want_ from her? Was he content being her friend? He didn't think so. He still _needed_ her that way…the way he had so many years ago. It may have just been sex to her, the night they buried their parents, but it had been more than that to him. It had been a completion of a feeling he'd been _lacking_ for so many years.

Maybe they'd fallen into bed because it was the first time it actually felt _okay_. How terrible, he knew. That the second their parents weren't mixed up in a crazy, broken love affair…the very minute that they were _really _free of it all, they'd finished what they'd started years ago.

She'd had _sex_ with him, but he'd _made love_ to her….

But he couldn't go to bed thinking of all that _now_. Not with her in the room next to his. Not with her smelling so nice and looking so pretty….

Tonight he'd just let it be. It was easier that way. It hadn't felt this easy in years. She'd felt it too, it seemed.

There was some sort of _calm_ between them then…and they both knew they'd do anything to hold onto it, even for just that night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm totally emotionally drained after this one. But I'm so happy that I got it written. This is one of the big chapters of this story, but there are bigger ones to come. This is what sets everything in motion…but the reactions they have and the **_**choices**_** they make in the aftermath are what tear them apart. Can't wait for it! Can't fix what isn't broken yet, right?**

**Thanks, guys! And Sandra and Carol, you were **_**so**_** onto me. I read the forum post and I just about squealed that you were making guesses on my story. I love you guys for it. It means you care about my story and my characters and that makes me feel like I'm doing a good job. So thank you. **


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm excited for this one. Past and present will blend together and we'll see changes in Damon and Elena during **_**both**_** periods of time. I'm so curious to hear what you think about this path our favorite couple is taking. We're going to see Damon's point of view most of the time in this one, with a small selection dedicated to Elena's thoughts. I planned it this way for a reason. Elena's the big mystery. Damon's an open book, for the most part. We need to work up to her thoughts. It's more fun that way…**

** Some of you have said you've fallen in love with this Damon. We're going to love Elena, too…eventually. I promise. **

**Thanks to my faithful reviewers, and I look forward and hope to hear from new ones, too. Thank you!**

**Somebody I Used to Know**

**Chapter 5**

"**You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness****  
><strong>**Like resignation to the end****  
><strong>**Always the end****  
><strong>**So when we found that we could not make sense****  
><strong>**Well you said that we would still be friends****  
><strong>**But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over"**

**-Somebody That I Used to Know, Gotye**

* * *

><p>"And the big, red dragon shot blazing fire at the knight. The knight backed up, holding his shield high in the air. The dragon didn't <em>remember<em> him. 'Dragon, you're all grown up…but have you really forgotten me?" **Damon's eyes smiled and his arms flailed around with expression as he read a book to a group of ten kids in the children's corner.**

'"We were _friends_…you were my _best _friend, dragon...' the knight pled, sadness in his eyes**.'" Damon held an imaginary shield in front of him. He could really get into reading to the kids. He continued telling the story**, " The dragon stopped the fire and stared. He _did_ remember."

Some of the kids cheered and clapped and Damon smiled at their reactions. It was _amazing_ to see these little people so connected to stories the way he used to love them. And to _this_ story...

Kids were too involved in electronics and video games these days, he thought. He'd always hoped if he'd have kids one day that they would love reading, as he had. Books had done a _lot_ for him. And _this_ book, "The Little Red Dragon," had been his sanity, his sounding board in the years when _she_ was not. It was his stability. He was the knight.

"Can we read _another_ one Damon? Pa-_leeeease_" a little blonde girl jumped up and down. She must've been about six, he thought. Sometimes, little things like this in life made all the bad just go away. "Or maybe Elena can? Pleeeeeease!"

Elena smiled from behind the counter as she watched him. While she'd been totaling their sales for the day, Damon had been _doing_ something about it. He was reading these stories, _branding_ the fact of just how _awesome_ life was with books, in the small, impressionable minds. And it was absolutely wonderful. He looked happy.

This was how he'd done it…this was how he'd dealt with everything while she was gone, she realized. He hadn't gone off and drunk himself into a stupor…he hadn't done the crazy things_ she_ had. She'd tried _everything_, good and bad, to get him and _it_ out of her head…but it had never worked, not really.

Damon had come home from New York and to this bookstore. He'd been _faithful_ to their family, when she hadn't. He'd faced their demons, their biggest fears about what was happening to their parents…and he'd done it _without_ her, because he didn't have another choice. She'd abandoned him. She'd spent so many years saying he was the one to walk away from her. And it was true in the physical sense. She'd pushed his buttons so hard, she'd gone too far, tried _too_ hard to lash out at him that he'd just dropped out of school and found peace in Mystic Falls.

Now that she was older she could understand it, a little better. Back then it had just been about him leaving _her_ and _her_ pain. She hadn't wanted to be his sister. It was easier to be _nothing_ to him. She hadn't had it in her to realize _why_ he was clinging so desperately to the idea of family. How easily she'd forgotten that he'd lost both his _mother_ and his _brother _in a span of 4 years. His Dad was all he had left, when it came to actual _blood_. Elena and Miranda…they would be his family, too now…and as much as that _hurt_…he _needed _ family.

He needed her to be in his life. He couldn't just go from loving her like _that_ to nothing. But she couldn't go from loving _him_ that way to loving him like a brother. It would all be a lie. Elena hated liars.

Her phone rang and she jumped back from her thoughts. Her lips turned upward when she saw the name that flashed up across the screen.

"Elijah! Hi." She closed the notebook and walked to the back of one of the aisles of books, sliding down and pressing her back to the side of it. Damon snuck a glance at her for a moment, wondering why she suddenly needed privacy. But he cleared his throat and began reading again.

"How are things going, Elena?" He asked calmly. "It's been almost a month since we've talked,"

"Things are…interesting. I still feel completely _empty_. I hate it. I spent so much time _hating_ them...and now they're gone. My Dad was really the only one who I still had a relationship with."

"Regrets, sweetie," he smiled through the phone, but she could feel it. "They aren't worth your time or your energy. Your parents, _all_ of them…they all knew you loved them. So don't worry so much, okay? Just be yourself and enjoy your own life."

"Sometimes he makes that really hard," she swallowed. "Against my better judgment I always end up thinking about how it was…how it went wrong…the decisions _I_ made…"

"You need to talk to _him_ about it. You've told me it all a million times. I love being your friend and being there for you…but it's all _lost_ on me. He's the one those words will actually _mean_ something to."

"You're a _great_ roommate," she sighed.

"_Former_ roommate," he corrected her. "And I miss you, too, if that's what you're getting at. My new roommate isn't as pretty, that's for sure. And he leaves his socks and cereal bowls all over the place." He chuckled. "But the _good_ news is, you can stop missing me for a little while because I'm planning a visit to 'Ye olde Mystic Falls,"

"When?" She smiled, biting her lip. It would be so good to have a little piece of the _good_ life she'd led in New York. Damon had only seen it as evil and sinful. He'd never known that she'd come out on the other side. She'd been too bitter to explain.

"In a week. Do you have room for me to stay at your place? It can be like old times. If not, I'll just find some hotel…"

"Don't be silly, Elijah…" she said as Damon walked around the corner to ask her a question. "Of _course_ you can stay with me." She hadn't said it that way to be malicious. She was genuinely happy that her good friend would be visiting. It would give her a chance to stop feeling so unreal for a while. "I'll be at the airport to get you…I'm too excited to let you just take a cab…"

Damon waited for her to end the call. He probably should've just walked around the corner and let her finish her conversation but he didn't. He waited. He didn't know _who_ Elijah was, but he was obviously someone important to her. He was _nosy_.

"Bye Elena," he said happily. "Relax."

"See you soon," she hung up her phone and stood up from the back of the aisle. "Did you need to ask me something, Damon?" Okay, so she wasn't just going to come out with it, he realized.

"The kids were wondering if you could read them a story. Sarah over there said you looked like a princess and she'd always wanted a real princess to read her a book and…." He was saying what he meant to say but the words were coming out fast and emotionless. His brain was still working overtime to figure out who she was talking to…_who_ was coming to visit. _Who_ was Elijah? He couldn't be a boyfriend. She'd slept with Damon a month ago. _Elena wouldn't cheat_ on a boyfriend if she'd had one…she _hated_ cheaters….

"Sure…" she grabbed a few books off the shelf. "Hmm…which _one_?" Her eyes fell to the one in _his_ hands. The book he'd just finished reading…what _was_ it? "By the way, what story did you read them? I don't remember that one…"

His hands tightened on it a little. She _didn't_ know. She slid it out of his hands, and they loosened as soon as she stepped closer to her. His mouth went dry. Should he be _embarrassed_? No, this was a big part of his life. This was something _good_ he'd done. He should be _proud_ of this…

"The Little Red Dragon," she read and then her eyes froze at the byline. "By Damon Salvatore," her eyes looked up at him in shock. "Damon…you published a _book_? Oh my God…" she smiled brightly and his heart stopped. "You never said…" but she stopped. When, exactly, was he supposed to tell her he was a published author? Before or _after_ they had regrettable sex?

"I wrote it five years ago. It was finalized and published two years ago," he smiled, somewhat sadly.

"This is _amazing_," she assured him. But she hadn't read it. She didn't know the story, other than the bits and pieces she'd heard him read. She didn't know that _she_ was the dragon. The nasty, fire-breathing dragon who had amnesia…. "Leave it for me to read later?"

He almost said no, but what was the point? She _should_ know...

"Sure," he nodded and exhaled deeply. "But right now those little kids want you to read them a story. So how about it? Pick a good one." She smiled and walked to the beanbags. The little kids gathered around her and listened intently. And he listened, too….waiting to hear the magic of a _story_ come out of her mouth. She was a beautiful storyteller.

He could remember back to all the times they'd sat and read stories together as kids, being _extra_ silly at the silly parts. They'd done voices for characters and made faces and laughed until it hurt their stomachs. It had been so simple and made so much sense.

* * *

><p>That's why it hurt him so badly to break her heart. He hadn't <em>wanted<em> to end it. He'd wanted to hold onto her forever. He wanted to make her _his_ so badly, in every sense of the word. He didn't want to be her brother…not really. But if that was the way it _needed_ to be, then he'd be it. And that would be it.

The familiar 'cling' of the bell rang as he opened the door to the bookstore far after closing time. He'd promised to meet her there, and he'd originally intended to beat her there so he could get his head on straight. But she'd been waiting for an hour. She'd been sitting between shelves of books in the aisle, her feet pressed up against the ones lining the bottom shelf across from her. The aisles were narrow, but she fit. When she saw him walk in with a bouquet of roses her heart soared. For a minute there, she'd thought this was going to end badly. Hmf.

"They're beautiful, Damon," she smiled, taking the fire and ice roses out of his hands. Their deep red insides shone through their light outer petals. She'd always loved roses, best, he knew. She went to kiss him on the lips and he'd answered her with a quick peck before he stepped back. His brows started to buckle and his mouth became dry.

They were a gift of peace...but they were sending the wrong message. He was already hurting her and he hadn't even started...

It had barely been 24 hours since they'd been caught. They'd been at school all day together but he'd shown no indication of his feelings. They'd gone to class and eaten lunch with their friends as if nothing had changed. But the sad look on Damon's face now spoke a thousand words.

"We need to talk," he sounded serious and it shook the shit out of her.

"I don't want to talk," she walked up closely to him. "All we _do_ is talk…" she let her index finger glide up his chest and tug at the neck of his shirt. "That's our _problem_…" She took his chin in her hands and got up on her tiptoes to kiss him, but he jerked away.

"Elena, please," he was in misery as enough as it was…he didn't need her to remind him how hard this was going to be. "Please…" he pulled away from her completely and went to sit against the shelf of books across from where she'd been. The tears were already filling her pretty eyes, and she swallowed roughly. She still held onto the hope that this might not turn out so badly, and resorted to sitting in the same spot she had been before. And they sat there, opposite from one another, against those shelves.

"You know I love you," he had to be brave, strong. One of them had to and he knew it wouldn't be her. Her reaction the previous day had proved _that_. "I love you _so_ much… I have _always_ loved you…"

"And I love you, so what's going on here?" her voice was hardening. She felt the bad vibes coming. They were knocking at her heart.

"I was hoping this could be sort of mutually agreed upon…" he bit his lips and lowered his eyebrows in concern. "Considering what we're facing…. You know we can't be together anymore."

She dropped the flowers and he gulped. It was such a defining moment. He'd played it through his head over and over so many times…but he'd never gotten it right. It _wasn't_ going to go right…

"What?" The word shot out of her mouth. She sounded sad, hurt…

"We're going to be brother and sister," he started. "This is…we _can't_"

"Stepbrother and sister. Not blood. This isn't incest, this isn't _wrong_ Damon." Surprisingly enough, she still sounded stable.

There was nothing _actually_ wrong with it. She was right. But he knew in his heart that it would always feel wrong to _him_. He couldn't do that to his Dad. He couldn't put him in that awkward situation…even if he'd messed up.

"It _is_," he replied. "I love you, Elena…but we _have_ to end this," he tried to remain calm. "If I have to spend the rest of my life as your step-brother, I can't _feel_ this way about you. We need to stop, now, before we get in any deeper. We can still be friends if we just stop _now_."

"I'm already all the way in," she cried. "I can't possibly love youany more or any less than I do right now, in this moment," tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"I _know_," he put his head in his hands. "But you're not seeing the big picture. It's easy _now_. We're young. We can bounce back from this…we haven't been together long. But think about a few years from now…after our parents have settled in. Imagine if we stayed together and in a few years we broke up….after we'd had sex…maybe even after kids, Elena…." He swallowed. "It would be _worse._ It's better now, that we haven't taken it that far."

"So now you're _happy_ they interrupted us and we never slept together?" Now she was getting angry. How could he just _say_ that so nonchalantly?

"Yes," he said sadly. He meant it…but not in the way she feared the most. "It saved us from hurting even more than we already are. If we were never going to be together…if we were doomed from the start and we'd shared that connection…"

"That's a load of bullshit," she laughed. "That was the single biggest moment in my _life_ so far, Damon and it was _ruined_. I was going to lose my virginity to _you_."

"And it's a good thing you didn't,"

"You don't mean _that_," she clenched her fists. "And if you _do_, maybe you weren't the man I should've lost it to, anyway. If you're just going to _regret_ it…Would you rather it be someone else?"

He ignored her comment. Of course he didn't want to think of her in bed with someone else. But he knew what this decision meant. It meant they would be with other people. They wouldn't be _one_, ever…

"I can't look at you in twenty years and still _want_ you, Elena," he cleared his throat. "We're going to break up and we're doing it now before it gets harder."

"We are _not_ breaking up," she stood up now, staring down at him on the ground. "You told me you loved me. You said it _first_ for Christ's sake…I've never been in love before. If you didn't mean it you shouldn't just throw it around. You're breaking my _heart_…"

"I _do_ love you," he shook his head. "That's why I'm doing this. I'm saving you pain, Elena."

"It sure doesn't feel like it," she shook her head as he stood up. "It feels like you're siding with _them." _Her voice was getting louder now, shakier.

"He's my _Dad_, Elena…" he should've said it more carefully than that…maybe started out differently. But instead, she read it as a big 'fuck you' to herself. "And she's your mom. It's sick and gross…you're _right_," he paused, moving his hands up to his forehead. "But they are our _family_."

"So they're more important than me, I guess," now she was losing it. She'd gone from hurt and upset to full on _pissed off_. She shrugged her shoulders and her eyes blazed.

"Come on," he furrowed his brows. "I can't even believe you're making me choose sides. Are we in third grade again?" But when the tears fell faster, he knew he shouldn't have been so sarcastic. This was killing him, too…but he knew, in his heart, that it was what needed to be done.

"Great, now you're going to be mean to me, too. Guess you're taking on that older brother role already. Nice job, captain." She spat. He was barely more than two months older, but she needed to say _anything_ that might make him understand how _stupid_ this whole thing really was.

"Elena, just _stop_…" he placed his hands on her shoulders and stared at her, willing her to settle down. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he already had. If only she would just _understand_…. "Family is _important_ to me. My Dad is all I have _left._" He swallowed. "I can't abandon him and I can't go against his wishes."

"So it's easier to abandon _me,_" he was right. She _didn't _get it. She didn't get it at _all._

"I'm not abandoning you. We'll still see each other all the time. We're still going to school together next year and it'll be like old times….when we were just friends." His points were not helping him, he knew. But he was reaching for something, anything to get her to calm down.

"I don't _want_ old times," she said through gritted teeth. Her eyes were foggy and she could barely make out his blue orbs. If she could've, she would've seen his tears, too. "I want _you_."

He moved his hands gently on her shoulders, hoping to soothe her. But the gesture only added fuel to the fire that was already spreading inside of Elena. She shoved him away from her, pushing him hard, angrily.

"Calm down," he pled. "Please, I just want us to get along. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm just being honest," he held his hands up in defense, hoping she wouldn't take another swing. "I'm not going to change my _mind_, Elena. I will feel like this in three years. It's not going to just melt away… I can't hold onto something that feels _wrong_ to me. It's only going to hurt you worse, and it's going to hurt _them."_

**But later in life, he'd realize he'd been wrong…he **_**wouldn't**_** forget the feeling. He **_**would **_**still want her….**

_ "Fuck them," _she laughed. "They ruined _everything_. They ruined my parents' marriage…they ruined _us_…next they'll ruin this bookstore."

"They are our _parents_," he said sadly. "We can be mad as hell at what life has given us, but we cannot disown them for this."

"I could," she almost couldn't get the words out. "I'm angry enough."

"I _can't_," he shook his head. "That's where we're different. I'm clinging onto any concept or idea of family I can _get_, Elena. And you, you haven't had it so bad in life so I guess I can't expect you to really understand…"

"My parents are getting divorced," she yelled. "I'm not living under sunshine and rainbows here," The walls of that bookstore had heard so many…but it had never heard the anger, the desperation in Elena's voice that it did now…

"My mother and my brother are _dead_," he shouted back. "Divorced isn't _dead_, okay? You can still have a conversation with both of your parents. You can still see them, even if it's separately. But the only conversations I have with my mom and brother are one-sided. Everything's a hypothetical question…'how are you, today, Mom?' I'll ask her grave," he gave an example. "But I have to make up my own ideas for her answer because I'll never really get one," he _needed _her to understand. "I thought you understood…but I guess you'll say anything to hurt me right now…"

She just stared, crying. She was too selfish and too exhausted to even try to get this.

"I think my Dad is a complete idiot for what he's done. We don't always get along…but I _need_ him. I need his support. I need to be there for him. We're all each other has."

"You had _me_," she bit out. She was hollow. She was an empty shell. She had nothing left inside of her but pain.

She was losing her grip. She was losing her _control. _She always needed to be in control. And just then, she wasn't just losing control of _him_, she was losing control of herself...

"I still _do_…" he reached out to touch her again, but the fire lit up in her eyes and she shoved him so hard he lost his balance and fell into the rickety old shelf of books behind him, knocking the unit and hundreds of books on the ground.

He stared in disbelief. She'd gone too far. She wasn't herself…there was no use in even pleading with her anymore that night. She needed rest. She needed time and space. She'd understand….eventually…he thought.

"No, you _don't_," she shook her head, smiling angrily. "I think you're saying these things to me because you think they'll make me angry enough to just forget you."

"That doesn't even make sense, Elena. I don't want to forget you and I don't want you to forget me…or us. We'll always know we loved each other….we'll always have each other…"

"So, I'm supposed to just watch you walk down the aisle with some other _bitch_ one day and be okay with it? Hell, I'll probably have to be the fucking maid of honor, since you're my brother and all…"

"I tried to be nice about this, Elena…but you're out of control now. You're acting like a child."

"At least I'm showing _emotion_ about it. You're cold as ice. It's like you're telling me we ran out of milk so you're going to be late coming home from the store…_that's_ how emotionless this is…"

"I'm barely keeping it together, actually…" his eyes narrowed. "But one of us has to act like a grown up here, and God knows it isn't _you_…" he looked behind him at the books on the floor. "I'm not about to get into this anymore. I can't have you knocking more shit over. This is already going to cost our family money."

"You say 'our family' so easily. I know you're short on family members…" it was a hit below the belt, and she knew it…but she pressed on anyway. She was hurting, he should, _too…_ "But trust me, I'm the last person in the world you want as a sibling…" she laughed strangely. "I will _never_ see you that way. In fact, I'd rather spend the rest of my life _hating_ you than have to be your sister and still love you…" she cried. The words hit him hard and his stomach gave in. He could literally throw up, right there.

"Go home, Elena," he said calmly, bending down to pick up the books that had fallen. "Get some rest. Spend the weekend _away_ from me and from this. Give yourself some time. It will all be okay, I promise."

"You said you loved me…" she yelled. She was the broken record again.

"Stop…." His voice was achey, broken. Couldn't she just _stop_? This was _killing_ him…

He'd practically loved her since the moment he'd first met her. They were young and maybe it was different back then…but as he grew, he would learn that there could never be another for him. And now she was off limits…what was he _supposed_ to do….?

"But if you loved me, you couldn't stand to be in the same room as me without wanting to kiss me, touch me…" she frowned. "But you're acting as if that part of your brain, that part of your heart that you _say_ loved me has just shriveled up and died. I don't get how this is just so easy for you…"

"It isn't," he bit back. "I never said any of it was easy. I just said it was the _right _thing to do. Not everything in life is easy. We may as well learn that now. Go _home_…I'm going to stay and get this all straightened out. No one needs to know what happened here tonight."

"Aren't you the hero, big brother…" she threw her jacket back on and wiped her red cheeks. "Just so you know, when I walk out that door we're _nothing_ to each other… this is your _last_ chance, Damon."

"I wish you wouldn't…." he said softly. "It doesn't have to be so black and white."

"It is for me. There is no grey area when it comes to my feelings for you. I love you and you don't _want_ me. You don't _care_. It's not _worth_ it to you…. So I guess you've made your choice. You can forget all those things you said about spending family holidays together because I won't be having any part of it…. I'm done with this family. I don't need it."

"You don't even know what you're saying…" he laughed out of anger. "Go _home_,"

"Your loss," she shrugged and pushed through the door roughly. The bell 'cling' sounded in his head for hours later.

He _still_ associated that sound with her running out of the door that day. It was the day he'd lost her. He wouldn't know it back then, but she meant everything she said. He figured she was just angry and upset and overreacting. But he was wrong. Elena would stick to every single thing she'd threatened….

She would hurt him even _worse_ than she had when she'd left. He would see sides of her he'd _never_ have imagined possible. And it would forever break his heart. And even though he knew they were _her_ choices, there were times when he couldn't help but think he'd pushed her to them…

* * *

><p>But the stabbing feeling stopped and he snapped back to the present when he heard her voice squawking from across the room in that kid's corner. She was flapping her arms like a bird and cawing. She was shaking her soft brown hair around wildly and the kids were <em>giggling. <em>She looked _beautiful_ and silly all at once. He remembered that story…the one where the little bird was learning how to fly for the first time. They'd read it hundreds of times together as kids. They'd_ loved_ that book. And she had chosen _it_ out of all the books in their bookstore. It had to mean _something_.

His feet were walking toward the kid's corner with wild abandon. He was a _magnet_ to her, to _this_. He was on auto-pilot. Something in that _moment_ had set him off. He knew what he needed to do.

"Well, little bird, you need some practice," he said the familiar words of the text, changing his voice to sound like an old man's. "You can't just expect to get everything you want the first time you try," he remembered the dialogue in that book as if it were ingrained in his _soul_.

Elena froze for a moment, too unsteady to continue her reading. Her heart was beating quickly…too quickly. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears. She locked eyes with him for a moment and he nodded, reassuringly. She knew they were doing this for the kids…but something about the look in his eyes made her believe it was for _them_, too.

"Squawk, squawk…Mommy said I'm a big bird now…I _have_ to fly…" her voice became small, in character. "But I'm so _scared_ to try…" she restarted, inhaling nervously.

"And you _will_, one day_. One day_, just when you've given up hope, given up _trying_, you'll flap your wings one more time and it will _work_. Little bird, one day you will _soar_." He smiled at her and a single tear rolled down her cheek. It would go by without the children noticing…but he understood her tears. This was _impossible_. He never thought they'd be _here_ again. He never thought they'd be on the same wavelength…even for a minute.

But it was the second time it had happened that week.

He didn't know who Elijah was or why he was coming…but he knew he needed to find out. _Someone_ had managed to get along with her when she'd been so lost…. Maybe he'd _saved_ her…

She couldn't have just chosen that book for no reason. There was _so_ much meaning behind those words. And though he'd been in character just then, he wasn't just the old man. She was the little bird, and he was willing her to understand just what he'd meant. One day, it would work.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So the falling out has happened…but Elena's spiral into the darkness has **_**just**_** begun. In the coming chapters we're going to find out what happened with Miranda, Giuseppe and John. See DE go away to college…and see Elena absolutely lose her mind. I'm excited. How about you? **

**Thanks for reading. **


	7. Chapter 6

** A/N: Holy Wow…this one got crazy long, crazy fast. I didn't even realize. My fingers kept going and I decided **_**not**_** to separate this into two chapters. It needs to stay together to keep its intensity. It's a gradual descent…from bad to worse. These are the beginning stages of their college experience. It's the beginning of the freak out…but it's not the end. She's still confused, but she won't be for long. Not after this chapter. It's the **_**last**_** chance before it all is gone… before she's too far gone…**

**Personally, I love writing them both. Damon is just Damon and Elena...while she's doing it to herself...there's something so tragic behind her mindset. **

**There is a lot of stuff here. Some of it's heavy, some of it is light. Unfortunately, the heavy stuff has to outweigh the light for the time being. They were in a bad place back then, but watch for the baby steps in the present scenes. They make all the pain worthwhile.**

**I've seperated some of the past scenes by lines, too. The first and last scenes are present, but the meat and potatoes of this one is the past. **

**Thank you so much.**

**Somebody I Used To Know**

**Chapter 6**

* * *

><p>"Did you bring the mail in today?" Damon asked, chomping on a carrot stick. He'd just finished putting away a new shipment of books they'd received yesterday. Several old books were swapped out for new ones with brighter colors and thicker, more durable bindings. He had <em>plans<em> for their bookstore. _Big_ plans.

"Expecting something?" She raised her eyebrows and handed him the pile.

"Absolutely. I know it'll come…it's just a matter of _when._" He smiled.

A month ago his confidence would've come off as cocky, but now… she smiled softly at the little arch his eyebrows made. He looked like a kid in a candy store. There were definitely gears turning in his handsome head…

His confidence often fell to the wayside when he looked at her. Some days her eyes were pretty and strong and understanding. And other days he still saw the hollow Elena. Which would it be that day…when he'd share his dreams with her? He had to take a chance.

"I've been thinking. We need a niche. We need something that will really set us apart from the big chains. It'll give us staying power…" he sorted through the stack, tossing aside the junk mail.

"We're doing pretty well as it is. Making _changes_ might not be the best idea," she changed out the display of books in the big picture display window. "This place has always been amazing this way. Do you remember how our Dad's brought it up from the ground? Those first few months were rough…but then suddenly, it just picked up. I'm afraid of what will happen if we do anything to change what they worked so hard to create. The locals love it here."

"It worked for them. But what are _we _the _best_ at? You and I…we're different than they were, Elena. When you think back to our biggest successes since we've taken over…what have they all centered around?" He let her think for a moment but was too excited about his idea and just blurted it out.

"Okay, time's up," he licked his lips. "Kids, Elena. We are _so_ good with kids. I love reading to them and I've seen how you are with helping them choose books. You are _so_…" he stopped. He couldn't find the words to describe it without making her uncomfortable. "What if we turn this place into _just_ a kid's book store? What if we only had to focus our energy and time on what we love and got rid of the whole lot of inventory that's dead weight…We could get rid of all these boring, old books that no one touches and make room for really, really good kid's books. We could bring in new authors and get them exposure…"

He was smiling so brightly…how could she say _no_ to this? She couldn't. He was right. It was a _brilliant_ idea.

When she nodded, he felt a little more relaxed, but he carried on, telling her his ideas. He needed to share his dreams with her. He'd waited _so_ long…and she was _there_…_listening._

He was so excited, so _certain… _it was almost _hypnotizing_, she thought. He hadn't looked that happy in years…not since they were kids.

He took a deep breath and continued. "You're right. Our Dad's _made_ something of this place. Let's make something _more_ of it. You know we can…_I_ know we can. If we try, if we actually work together and don't let all that other stupid stuff _ruin_ this…this could be _amazing._" It was a great opportunity and it was a great service to the community.

"We could have authors come in to do story reads…and we could set up _real_ reading circles…scheduled ones. Someone could work with kids that struggle with reading…maybe even _you. _I've _seen_ you with them, Lena…you have no idea how _amazing_ you are with them…" His eyes were practically _melting _and her stomach was doing somersaults at how absolutely _adorbable_ it was. For a moment, she felt like she really _was_ home.

That thought didn't really scare her. Maybe it should've. She hadn't felt that _fuzzy_ around him since they were teens. But it felt nice and warm and _safe_. She'd tell herself not to overthink it. Overanalyzing had always gotten her in trouble. So she'd let it be and _listen_.

He inhaled wildly. "Elena, _say_ something," he was nervous. He thought she was going to say it was a bad idea. He was banking on that disinterested eye roll…that smarmy 'ppft' sound she always made before she implied something was stupid. But it never came.

"You've thought a lot about this…" she smiled proudly. "It's sweet, Damon."

He hadn't realized she'd complimented him. He was too busy worrying…so he kept pushing his points, willing her to understand…

"We need to solidify this business… so our kids can have this place, too, one day" he continued with the fire he'd started with… but then he froze as soon as the words snuck out of his lips. He worried how she would take what he'd said. He hadn't necessarily meant _their_ kids _together_…but he hadn't _not _meant it, either. In some of his most wild, far-fetched dreams there were little blue eyed Elena's running around that book store.

"I didn't mean _our_," he motioned between them, "kids…" he sighed. "It was just a general statement that came out wrong and…"

"I get it," she nodded, holding in a smile at his awkwardness. She knew what he meant and she didn't need to turn it into a fight or another misunderstanding. She didn't want to fight with him anymore. The past month had really been settling.

"You can stop trying so hard to convince me. I _love_ your ideas, Damon. You're a planner…it's…" she sighed. "It's good." she smiled sweetly. "This is very _assertive_ of you. You really care about this place…they would be _proud_. _I'm_ proud."

She was? Had she really just been proactively _nice_ to him? He blinked a few times to make sure she was real.

"I _love_ this place. I always have. But now I think I love it even more. Now that it's _ours_," he admitted. The words echoed in her ears…cementing _something _inside. Something she couldn't quite understand. It was something like _comfort._

He'd been absentmindedly flipping through the mail as he was laying his hopes and dreams out on the counter to her. But when his eyes caught on a thick, pink envelope, he smiled.

"Here it is!" He waved it in front of her. She grabbed it out of his hands to read the script lettering on the front.

"Hey, that's mine," he swiped at it but she held it away from him.

"It says "Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore" my name's first. It's mine too." She teased. It had been a really long time since she'd _teased_ him. But it had been a long time since he'd encouraged her to.

"It's only polite to put the ladies' name first, duh," he winked. "But go ahead. I'll _let_ you open it. I already know what it is anyway."

"Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore are cordially invited to the Mystic Falls Small Business Dinner, Saturday, January 24th at 7 p.m.'" her eyes widened as she continued reading. "Owners will have the opportunity to promote new services and interact with other local owners to ensure the best for the community….' Damon what is this?"

"I went to a council meeting last week when I got the idea. I wanted them to know we aren't just in it for the money." he explained. "I proposed my plan and members of the community loved it…" He swallowed. "Since we're the owners no one has to vote on anything…I just wanted to give us some exposure, you know? I want to help the community. One of the locals, Mrs. Flowers, is in charge of organizing all those fancy schmanchy parties they have in town. She practically _begged_ me to go. I told her to send an invitation and that we'd _see_…" he waggled his eyebrows. "This is going to be so good..."

"Wow…" she licked her lips, letting her eyes roam over the scripty text again. She found it disturbingly _sexy_ that he'd gone to this trouble… "I'm…" Her voice didn't even fluctuate _once._ He was left to wonder if she was impressed or upset that he'd gone ahead and done this without telling her.

"I probably should've discussed it with you before I went crazy. But I got the idea and I couldn't stop thinking about it…" he admitted. "Are you mad? This business _is_ half yours…"

"No," she half smiled. "You have a great idea and you should be proud and take the credit for it. "You've always known what you did and didn't want." She said simply. The words somewhat sliced into him. He knew there was a bigger meaning behind them, but she didn't seem to be being mean on _purpose_.

"So…this _dinner_ thing…" he started…

"I think we should go. Absolutely," she tucked it back into its thick envelope.

"Maybe you could bring Elijah…." He said, swallowing. Elena's eyebrows folded. He sounded almost sad about it. He hadn't asked her about Elijah even once since he'd heard her on the phone. But he hadn't forgotten, obviously. "And I could scrounge up a date somewhere…some old local lady or something…" his lips fell lopsided. "I'll just turn up the old Salvatore charm and…"

"Elijah will be _gone_ by then. He's only visiting for a week. And he's got things to do while he's out here, anyway," she was staying vague. She wanted to see if he would _ask_. She didn't want to play games, but lately she was getting weird vibes from Damon. She wasn't sure what his intentions were, exactly. At first he said he just wanted them to get along. But then he'd go and sound the tiniest bit _jealous_ about something, every once in a while.

Elena had a lot of soul searching to do. Years ago, she'd told him that she'd never love him _more _or any less than she did in that moment. She'd said a _lot_ of things the night she'd lost him.

* * *

><p>Her heart had been completely torn in two. She was eighteen years old and it was the first time she'd really felt <em>pain<em>. She had lived a relatively peaceful, easy life. She hadn't _lost_ anyone back then. She'd never been to a funeral, never felt that sick and empty void in the pit of her stomach.

And suddenly, she went from _never_ feeling it to _always_ feeling it. It consumed her so entirely that soon she couldn't remember feeling any other way. She remembered loving him…but it didn't feel _good_ anymore. Before, when they'd been happy, it was the greatest thing in the world. But then, in the blink of an eye, it had changed. The idea of feeling that deeply again for someone completely terrified her. She never wanted to be in love again. Love was for fools and for the dreamers. Maybe it worked for some people, but it would never work for her again. But it didn't change the fact that she was just _so_ lonely….

Secretly, she'd wished it had all just been called off. If there had been no wedding…maybe they could've just seen this as a roadblock. It all could've just been a terrible mistake that they'd fixed before the damage was finalized. Her heart was hanging on by a thread…but she would've still taken him back the second he said the word.

But there _was _a wedding. It was quick and informal and she wasn't there for it. They'd gone to a Justice of the Peace. Damon had been there, and although Miranda wished Elena would've been _her_ witness, she had to call her own sister to do the job. Her daughter had no interest in celebrating.

Her Mom had a new last name…and _that _meant she'd never become Elena Salvatore. She'd never get that honor.

It would be an _honor_…even her pieced together heart knew that.

It was easy to pretend that she hated Damon. But she never actually did. She hated what he made her feel, and despised the fact that she couldn't help_ but_ feel it. She didn't know how to deal with the constant _hurt_. Every time she saw him she was reminded of how he just didn't want her. She dropped her shifts at the bookstore and they were forced to hire another worker to replace her hours. Damon, however, worked at that bookstore until the day they left for college.

Going to New York University was going to be Elena's _escape_. She needed to get out of Mystic Falls. She couldn't stay there forever…that _life_ that _place_ was not her future. Damon might be going to NYU, too, but New York City was big. They didn't need to have _anything_ to do with one another.

"Got everything, baby doll?" John asked, sighing. He and Elena had been living by themselves for a while. Miranda moved out as soon as Elena and Damon found out about the affair.

It had put a _great_ strain on the business. The animosity between men who were once as close as brothers was thick and torturous. John had always known Miranda was unfaithful…but the fact that it had been with Giuseppe had almost been enough to make him sell his share of the business. Years later, when he'd _try_…he'd never get the chance.

He'd held onto it out of pure principle. Giuseppe had already stolen his _wife_. He wasn't about to get the whole business, too. They were smart men. They could operate that place on separate days…it didn't have to be about who'd gotten the girl…

But now Elena was about to leave. Things were easier when she was around. They'd made a little life together, even with as hollow she'd become. She didn't laugh much, didn't smile anywhere even close to as often as she used to…but she was there, with him. She still loved him. She still supported _him_. And she couldn't see the parallels of it all back then…but her family _did_ mean something. He picked his Dad…but she hadn't just walked away from hers. It was different, yes. Her dad wasn't the adulterer in this situation. But as far as she was concerned, they would never really be a _family_ again. It might be one of her biggest regrets…dismissing how strong their bond could've been if she'd just have let it…

"Yeah, I'm set to go," she wrapped her arms around him loosely. She couldn't get out of there fast enough…

"I'm going to say this because I need to…but I already know what you're going to say. I don't think you should drive up alone. Why don't you ride up with Damon? I can bring your car up sometime and fly home."

"Are you kidding me?" she laughed. "I can't be in the car with him for that amount of time. Dad, _no_. I'm driving myself. I'll be _fine_. I don't need him to help me."

"_Damon_ didn't cheat, Elena. He's not the one to be angry with,"

"Mom left us…_Damon_ left me, Dad. I know I'm young and we weren't married and it doesn't even remotely come close…but it's as close as I'll _ever_ get to loving someone like that. He has killed love for me. I don't even know how you can defend him. Months ago didn't want me anywhere _near_ him."

"I love him like a son, Elena." It was probably the worst time to drop information like that on her. Now she'd leave thinking her feelings didn't matter most to him.

"Ugh, don't say things like that. It hits too close to home," she swallowed back the sick feeling.

"He isn't his Dad. At first, I had trouble separating the two…but Damon has his head on straight. Someday you'll understand, sweetie. You grew up with him…how can I not care about him? I'm sorry that he hurt you, but honey, pain is a part of life. He was trying to do the right thing…you'll get over him. You'll find someone new, when the time is right. And he'll move on, too."

"I don't want to love anyone else. I _hate_ love. You, if anyone, should know how I feel. He's not your son._ I'm_ your daughter and _I'm_ the one hurting. He made his choice and he's apparently _fine_ with having Mom living with them. I don't need him, and I don't need you defending him. I'll call you when I get there. Okay?"

"Okay," he nodded, afraid to push it any further. The emptiness in her eyes frightened him. He could only hope good would come from her going away for a while. She could reinvent herself at school. She could forget about this pain, if she had to.

College had changed his life. If he'd never gone, he'd never have met Giuseppe… he'd never have his bookstore…but he _might_ have his wife.

Elena was _trying_ to be independent. She was absolutely _done_ needing people. Her heart would never break again, if she could have it her way. She'd do anything and everything in her power to make sure she never cared again.

She really thought it would work.

* * *

><p>But the first time she'd run into him on campus, in <em>his<em> dorm building of all places, the dark cloud shifted over her again. He was in a group of people, talking to a girl and _laughing_. A sandy blond, muscular guy stood next to him with green eyes. They were _nice,_ that guy's eyes…but they weren't Damon's. If she'd been a stranger, seeing Damon for the first time, she'd have _loved_ his eyes.

But she couldn't love his eyes anymore. When they looked at her all they saw was his _sister_, she thought.

She wanted so badly to ignore him…to just keep walking and avert her eyes from his. But he stopped, right in front of her.

"Excuse me," she said, trying to push past him. She was clutching her books close to her chest. She was going to pretend she'd never met him…that he _seeing_ him there didn't bother her. "I'm trying to go to my lab partner's room to study if you'll just…"

"Hey," he said softly, trying to stop her. She looked pale, sick. "You don't look so good," no one in the group would know what they were…what they _used_ to be…

"I need to go," she shook her head. But Damon wouldn't move his arm. He couldn't let it go. She was about to walk away again and they'd have accomplished _nothing_.

"Dude, let her go…she doesn't want to talk to you. What's the big deal?" The green-eyed man said. "We have to get back anyway. I told Jere we'd be around for wings and beers later. That was like four hours ago…"

"Fine, yeah," he sighed, moving his arms as if he didn't mean anything by what he'd said. "Take care of yourself," he said to her but she barely heard as she ran down the hallway to meet Luca for their project.

"Do you know her? She's _hot_…wow," the man said, looking back over his shoulder. Damon's stomach ached. He knew how hot she was. He thought about it every single day….still…

"I used to," he shook his head. He didn't have the heart to explain it. It wasn't a conversation to have in the hallway when he was holding a six pack of beer. "Come on, Mason... let's get those wings."

"She's not _that_ hot," the tall, light brown haired said snottily, slinging her little arm through his.

"Andie…" Mason laughed. "You are _far_ too high maintenance for me. Try hard enough and maybe Damon will give you a chance…" Mason knew a lot about his roommate. He knew he was nursing a broken heart…but he didn't know why and he didn't know just how bad it was.

"I'm not available," he reminded her. "Not right now." He _wasn't_. Not in his heart, not in his brain. The only woman he wanted _anything _to do with at all was Elena. And that wasn't going to work. "Now are you gonna be one of the guys tonight or not? I hope you brought your wet naps because if you're _that_ high maintenance you're not going to like the amount of sauce on these wings…" he changed the subject.

Elena hadn't ever made it to Luca's room. As soon as they'd turned into their dorm room, she'd slid down the wall and gritted her teeth. She was _mad_ at herself for feeling something. It was easier when she didn't see him every day. The time she'd been at school had actually been okay. She didn't really have friends and she spent a lot of time in her room…but she could see _he_ wasn't moping. He seemed completely fine. It wasn't _fair_.

* * *

><p>She ran into him at one of the restaurants on campus one afternoon. She'd been eating her salad and he'd plopped down right across from her. It was empty around them, no one could hear.<p>

"Eating healthily, I see," he cleared his throat. Small talk was better than _no_ talk, he thought. They'd been away at school for three months and she'd successfully avoided having a conversation with him that lasted more than two minutes. They usually ended badly, but he'd kept on trying…

"Go away," she whispered, bitterly, staring at the lettuce. "Why are you bothering me?"

"I'm _checking_ on you, Elena. I've tried calling you five times this week. Your _Dad_ tried calling you. You can't just ignore everyone."

"What do _you_ care? What part of this don't you get, Damon? We aren't _friends_ anymore. We aren't _anything._ You and my dad can be friends. Leave me out of it."

"You don't have to _like_ me. Just _answer_ me when I call you. You're so closed off…you're _scaring_ me." He reached out to touch her hand. "Just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't still worry."

"I don't need a babysitter. I don't want to talk to you so stop calling. I don't want to _see_ you…so stop following me around like a lost _puppy_" she bit out. Her heart was heavy. Something massive was sitting on her chest and she couldn't breathe. She couldn't understand it then, but later she'd know. It was _guilt_. "Just leave me alone…" She picked up her tray and walked across the room to sit at another empty table. He'd stayed seated for twenty minutes, just staring. How could she go from loving him, _crying_ over him…to _this_? She was angry, he understood, but the least she could do was acknowledge him. They'd _loved_ each other…

He'd texted later her that day. "SORRY," but she wouldn't respond.

A week later, "ARE YOU OKAY?" Nothing.

A month later, she she'd pulled out her phone after a night class, and she'd seen a text from him. "I MISS YOU," it read. It didn't help her feel better. It made it _worse_. How dare he. He wasn't allowed to _miss_ her. He was the only reason they weren't together…

"DON'T," She texted back and gripped her phone so tightly it threated to crack. He couldn't do this to her now. He made his choice.

After countless days and nights of pushing him away, she'd finally lost it. She wasn't supposed to keep seeing him everywhere she went. She was supposed to be able to forget. She _hated_ herself for it. She could say the meanest, cruelest, most _untrue_ things to him to try to get him to leave her alone…but he just _wouldn't_. Why would he be trying so hard if he didn't _want_ her?

So maybe he'd changed his mind….

Once the thought seeped into her mind, it poisoned her. And after a few days of obsessive thoughts of him….she'd snapped. Instead of studying she'd go back to her dorm and cry. She was absolutely pitiful and it was absolutely _tiring_. She didn't _want_ to hurt anymore. Hadn't eight months apart been enough? She'd worked so hard to convince him he meant nothing to her. Shouldn't she be able to convince _herself_ she didn't love him anymore?

Soon she found herself cracking open a bottle of vodka in her dorm room. It went from _one time_ to two times to every night that week. She'd do a few shots and then she'd cry. She'd do a few more…and laugh. She didn't _know_ what she felt. She was torn in two…angry and sad…but really, just lonely.

She'd pull out pictures of him and tear them up…then she'd tape them back together and tuck them under her pillow. She was a hot, hot mess. Though she seemed hard and angry on the outside, and always on the defensive, on the inside she was a puddle of sick emotions. She was begging God to make it _stop_.

Her roommate, Bonnie, would come home to find her sleeping in a pool of vomit more than once. Her studies were failing. She was going for business, but at the rate she was drinking, she'd fail half the classes in her first semester from simply being absent.

"Whoever broke your heart deserves a firm kick in the nuts, honey," Bonnie said as she sat on the ground next to her drunk friend. "But you can't be like this. I'm_ worried_ about you. You can't _drink_ this much You're not even _socially_ drinking. You're drinking because you're hurting, honey. This is the fourth time this week you've been blasted out of your damn mind when I've come home. And that's not counting the time I saw you dumping rum in your coffee before you left for physics class."

"Oh, Bonnie, you're a party pooper. I like it," she coughed. "I feel good. It's _easier_," Bonnie was getting fuzzy in front of her.

"And you feel like _shit_ in the mornings," she reminded her. She'd liked Elena from the beginning. They'd been randomly picked to be roommates, even though Bonnie was a year older. At first Elena was just quiet. But now she anything _but._ She'd become careless with her studies and she was wild.

"No I don't…I don't even get hung over anymore. It works for me." She tried to stand up. "I'm almost nineteen. I'm supposed to have fun, Bon. You said you wanted me to be happy. So let me be happy. No one _wants_ me to be happy…"

"So it's fun to drink by yourself and cry? Yeah, that sounds like you're _really _happy, Elena." She said sadly. "And it's fun to throw up everywhere? Because it's not fun for _me_ to have to wake up and change your bed sheet every night and make sure you're still _breathing_. I _know_ you. You're stronger than this. You can be happy in _other_ ways…"

"You could drink with me," she smiled. "Or we could go out to a party. You're right, drinking alone can be boring. I think I'll stop after tonight. It could be _way_ more fun…"

"No, I'm _not_ contributing to this. In fact, that's it. I'm throwing all the alcohol away and I am not bringing more in. And if you don't knock this off, you're _going_ to need help. More help than me sitting here pleading with you to get your shit together. I don't want this to become more of a _problem_, Elena."

"My problem is that I'm in love with my _brother," _she yelled, sticking her head out her dorm room, sending her voice down the hallway. She'd gone from being the giddy drunk to the angry drunk in less than two minutes. "And he doesn't want to have sex with me," she yelled louder. A few heads popped out of their rooms in confusion and Bonnie pulled her back inside.

All the ignoring…all the nasty words she'd said to him were failed attempts to stop loving him. But it hadn't worked. That _text_, it had _ruined_ her.

"Oh God. Elena, you're lucky I know what you're talking about… but you can't go around saying stuff like that to everyone else because they _won't_ get it. Someone's probably calling the police by now…"

"It's okay, he doesn't want me anyway. Actually, did I say I loved him? It's more like I can't stand that I love him…but he text me and there's a _slight _chance he _does_ want to have sex with me…" her head was spinning. "So I think I have to find out," she hiccupped. "I have to do something, get out of my way," she tried to shove past her.

"Oh no you don't," she held her back from walking out the door. "Get your butt in your bed. You are not marching over there and doing something _stupid_. You're drunk off your ass and you're going to regret anything you do."

"What are you, my _mother_?" She laughed. "I'm _fine_," she wobbled. "He wants to text me and tell me he misses me then he deserves this," she smiled. "Make sure I make it out the door without falling, I think my heel is on backwards," Bonnie slapped herself in the forehead.

"God, Elena… I'm about to call you in. Don't go wandering around on the street. You're going to get hit by a car or worse…someone's gonna pick you up thinking you're a _you know_," she stopped.

"Oh ye of little faith," she laughed and then stopped, momentarily losing her train of thought. "I'll be home later. _Much_ later. Don't wait up," she waggled her eyebrows. Bonnie would end up following her the entire way to Damon's room. She'd stand down the hallway and watch Elena bang on his door and yell and make a scene. She knew Elena had a mind of her own, but she wasn't about to let her wander around drunk, alone.

"Open the fucking _door_, Damon," she yelled. She pounded until her fists turned crimson. But she was numb. All of her. "I know you're in there. I saw you on the messenger…"

"Excuse me. Is there some kind of _problem?" _The hall's RA asked, rubbing his eyes. "You can't be disturbing everyone at three in the morning. Who are you looking for?"

"Damon Salvatore," she yelled, banging on the door. "Open _this door! _You want me to pay attention to you…well _here_ I _AM!"_

The RA was just about to tell her to leave when Damon's door cracked open. He had been asleep. _Dead_ asleep. "Elena…_what_ are you _doing_ here? Do you know what _time_ it is?" He nodded his head to tell the RA that everything was fine.

"Yeah, I do," she said boldly and as his vision cleared and he woke _up_, he could see that she was completely drunk. "It's time for you to let me in there. I've only been pounding on the door for five minutes. I thought you'd sent that text and then changed your mind _again_. You're _good_ at that." She pushed at his chest with her index and middle finger and he flinched.

"Jesus, Elena…" he led her in his room and Bonnie watched him close the door. Whatever happened, happened, she guessed. She'd done her part to make sure her friend didn't _die_ on the way over. But she couldn't protect her from things she did to her_self_.

"How much have you had to drink tonight?" He wouldn't be mean. He wouldn't bring up the fact that he was _hurt_ that she'd been so absent and cruel. She didn't need anything else to give her reason to drink _more_ that night.

"A lot," she smiled wickedly and sat at the edge of the bed across from his. "Trust me, if I was sober, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. But somehow, if I'm _not_ sober, you don't seem so bad…you should like it that I'm drunk. You know what?" she licked her lips. "You're still sexy as _hell_…"

He'd ignored her comment. She was _drunk_. She didn't know what she was saying or doing. The Elena he used to know would _never_ show up like this in the middle of the night. And the Elena that had stormed out of his life and shut out their family eight months ago certainly wouldn't be calling him sexy…

"Were you at a party? Are you okay? Do you need help or something?" he frowned. Her breath and her clothes just _stunk_ of alcohol. He was incredibly _sad_ for her. She'd been so disconnected from him for months that he had to walk on eggshells around her. But now she just smiled at him and she looked like she was _happy_ to see him. He couldn't understand.

"Elena, _what? _I don't know what that means…it's really early in the morning and I don't get why you're here. It might make sense in your head, but to _sober_ people, you look _crazy_. Give me a clue here. I'm not psychic."

"I wasn't at a party. I was at home. I was doing some _thinking_. I saw your text from a month ago and I read it a few times. The thinking turned into drinking and after a while, I think I got what you were saying. You miss me." Wasn't it obvious? She really _was_ wasted.

"Of _course_ I do," he said gently. He was afraid to say the wrong thing. "You completely ignore every attempt I make to talk to you. When you _do_ acknowledge me, you only say hurtful things. I'm _alone_ here, Elena. I'm trying to reach out to you because I _need_ to," he swallowed. It was all wrong. He shouldn't lay out his feelings when she was drunk. Her reaction wouldn't be real. But he couldn't _help _it. "I need my _friend_…I need _you_…"

"You're being stupid," she shook her head. "You're trying to hurt me."

"I'm _not._ No one even really _knows_ what's going on with us…do you get how hard that is for me? I can't talk to anyone but our family. I get that you need time to yourself…but if _this_ is what you're doing in that time, I can't agree with it. You might not care about me but I can't _stop_ caring about you. I miss you, the _old_ you. My _friend_, Elena."

"Oh please, you don't know how I spend my time. No one does." She shrugged. "But you still miss me. Guess what? Sober me wouldn't say this, so make sure you listen closely. I miss you, too." She stared at him for a minute before she got up and wobbled over to him. She nearly fell over and he reached out his arms to catch her.

This would be it…her very, honest to God last _try_. "So if we both miss each other maybe we should _do_ something about that…" Her lips were on his and it was hot like fire. She hadn't kissed him or barely _touched_ him in eight months. He was poison. Through the bitterness of the alcohol he could still taste her sweetness. She was warm and she physically _felt_ like Elena… But he couldn't let himself do it because it _wasn't_ really her.

"See, you still like it," she whispered sensually, putting her hand against the front of his pants. She smiled against his lips.

The desperation pouring out of her…the drunk, crazy desperation… It would terrify him. She'd kissed him and kissed him and tugged at his t-shirt…he'd all but lost control and _let_ her, just once. But he stood _firm_. He'd made it…and he didn't know it never be faced with it again….

He snapped out of it in an instant. Thirty seconds of _that_ was both too short and _too long_ for him to handle…

She couldn't throw herself at him like this. But she wouldn't...not after this...

"Lena, stop…Lena…_ELENA," _he slid her off him, firmly but gently. He didn't want to hurt her. "What are you _doing?_ One minute you hate me and the next you're all over me…"

"I thought when you said you missed me you meant you wanted to sleep with me now. Maybe we should…just so we could see. I'm still a virgin, you know. You could still have that…" he was sitting on the edge of his bed and she climbed onto his lap, straddling him. "Better act fast."

"Oh my God," he put his head in his hands. He knew he should've pushed her off just then…but the man in him left her there. It was sick and wrong and absolutely contradicted everything he was saying to her about what they couldn't be together….but he still left her there.

He'd sent that _text_. But he'd never meant for it to be like _this_.

"Elena…don't…we are _not_ sleeping together. Okay? It's like that's all you can think about. Sex. It's not a big _deal_, Elena. You need to listen to me. I'm tired of saying this. I shouldn't have to anymore…we aren't together. I don't. want. to. have. sex. with. you." He separated the words. He wished he could've been nice but she was too drunk to accept kindness. He had to be blunt. He had to be harsh. He couldn't do this. He couldn't have her in his room begging him like this. He was _too_ weak for her. He'd vowed _not_ to go there and he was working really hard to resist her. But he'd soften, toward the end…afraid of the repercussions his harshness would have. "I'm _Sorry_, sweetie." He touched her cheek. "I don't want to hurt you more…but you just don't seem to understand what I mean when I say I miss you." He was so lucky Mason was gone for the weekend. He did _not_ need to be witness to this drama.

"Don't call me sweetie," She got off his lap. "I'm not sweet. You'll see. Sweet has gotten me nowhere. Up until this point, I still _loved_ you. But now I can stop," she hiccupped. "Guess this drunken trip here served a purpose after all. I didn't get what I wanted but now I know. You're really done. You've lost your last chance. I told you before that it was your last chance but I guess I'm just generous and wanted to try again. So don't text me and imply that I still mean something to you when I obviously don't."

He was right. She thought she wasn't important to him because he wouldn't sleep with her. She was so very wrong. How had she sunken so low? Friendship meant _nothing_ to her, anymore. With Damon, she couldn't separate love and sex. She loved him so she wanted him. But when she'd finally realized it would _never_ happen…the separation came quickly. She'd never love again. It would _just_ be sex.

"Ugh…wait. Elena…you can't just walk home like this. Come here," he steadied her.

"Don't touch me," she frowned. "After tonight, I don't want you to talk to me. I don't want you to _follow_ me. Go _away_ and stay away."

"I _care_ about you. You're my…you know what you are." He softened going to pull her in for a hug. But she jumped away from him and shook her drunken, woozy head.

"Yeah, I do," she laughed maniacally. "I'm your sister. Now are we _done?"_

He cringed at her words. If he _ever_ saw Elena like this again he'd be making a call home. Her _father_ needed to know what was becoming of his little girl.

"We're done." He said sadly. "But I still want you to know…if you ever need anything _other_ than what you came looking for tonight…I'm here. If you ever need a friend…"

"Whatever," she shook her head and closed the door behind her. Damon would watch out his window and make sure she got into her friend's car before he'd climb back into bed. He'd lay and stare up at the ceiling for hours, never falling back asleep. He knew Elena was angry with him and _sad_…but he didn't think she'd ever become self-destructive about it. That woman that had just walked out of his room was _not_ Elena. She was her pretty little body without a soul. It was the first time he realized that he'd never see _her_ again. But it wouldn't be the last. There would be _so_ many more instances that would push him to the edge. He could only try to help her so many times before it just hurt too much…

* * *

><p>Elena reached up on her tiptoes to put a book on the top shelf. Damon caught a glimpse of her back and that little little red dragon tattoo. He smiled...his thoughts swirling. But she broke them when she said,<p>

**"**Elijah's my old roommate, Damon," Elena said after a few minutes of them loading more new books onto the shelves. He stopped and turned to her a moment, ready to hear what she was about to say. "A year after you left…after I moved out of the dorms before junior year, I met him."

"Oh, I…" he pressed his lips together awkwardly. He wasn't sure how much he should ask. He didn't know if he really wanted to _know._

"He's a good _friend_," she emphasized, not really elaborating anymore.

"Sure, okay," he shrugged. But he felt his insides breathe a sigh of relief. A part of him had slightly panicked at the thought of another man actually _meaning_ something to her. While he was happy she'd found someone she could rely on, it also made him sad. It was selfish of him to expect her to just be on her own after he left.

Years ago he'd have done _anything_ for someone to come pick up her pieces as she broke…because there was no way she'd let _him_ do it. In all of the moments that he'd tried and tried to be there for her…be a friend…be a _brother_…he'd only propelled her further and further away.

He knew she'd been through countless men…but none of them had lasted more than a night or two. Most of them he'd never learn the names of because _she_ could barely remember who they were. Most of them. She'd lost her innocence in a blur and no one could give it back…

"About the dinner," she cleared her throat. "Don't pick up one of those local old ladies, okay?" she smiled softly, teasingly. "I think it would be nice if we could just go. It's our business. Our dream. We should do this together."

His face went from calm to worried in a millisecond.

"Elena…" He exhaled quietly. He was nervous. He stared right at her and could swear he saw something change in her eyes. She looked _kind_. She looked _okay_. He could almost see _her_.

"_Da_mon," emphasizing the D. She widened her eyes, teasingly. "What, don't you _want_ to go with me?" She put her hands on her hips. So now she was just okay? It couldn't be that simple. He wasn't sure what had happened in the ten years they'd been basically estranged. He'd seen her _once_ and she was indifferent then. It hadn't seemed like anything had changed…they hadn't gotten worse but they hadn't gotten better….

But spending every day with her felt good. She'd asked him to let her be _her_, not some ghost. The first step was to stop assuming she was always going to stab him in the back…and start believing in her. He could tell…it was what she so desperately wanted. Trust…faith.

"Yes, of course I do," he nodded quickly. "But I'm afraid you're going to freak out and change your mind and this is going to blow up into a big drawn out ordeal. We're doing so _well_…" She frowned a little. She looked _disappointed. _Her pretty brown eyes had _dropped_. "But if you're sure," he'd take a shot. He'd risk things blowing up, even if it meant they might regress, because the look she'd given him had been so _Lena_.

"I'm sure," she said seriously. He'd been kind to her. He was _trying_. She was slowly realizing, with each passing day, each little moment, that he really _hadn't_ stopped caring. Even after she'd pushed him away, even after she'd done and said things that any _other_ man would've never forgiven her for. But he wasn't any other man. He was _Damon_.

"As business partners," he reached out to shake her hand. He felt _nerdy_, but he wasn't sure what else to do in that moment.

"As _friends_," and instead of shaking his hand, she folded her fingers in between his for a second and squeezed his hand before letting go.

Friends. Damon was sure he'd never heard a better word come out of her mouth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *Sigh* I'm so curious to see how this one went for you guys. Both characters were in such disarray back then. He loved her but thought he couldn't. She loved him but didn't want to. Thoughts on Damon here? And Elena? I can't wait to get the next chapter going.**

**Elijah's coming…**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: As sad as this is, I am most excited to deliver this chapter to you all. It's the heartbreaker….**

**I don't have much to say about it because I hope it will speak for itself. I hope it's powerful enough. Even I felt things toward characters I didn't think I would when writing this…**

**We're going to read Damon's book in this one...right along with Elena. **

**I know I promised Elijah in this one...but I decided this one NEEDS to go here. Now. This is where Elena is in her head. We need to know...**

** Elijah will come next chapter. Sorry for those excited, but I hope this chapter is big enough that you'll forgive me ;-) **

**And I'd love to hear your thoughts, too. Please share them with me by reviewing. Follow me on Twitter newsgirl1983 for sneak peeks and update status…**

**Thank you!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used To Know<strong>

**Chapter 7**

"_**But you didn't have to cut me off**__**  
><strong>__**Make out like it never happened**__**  
><strong>__**And that we were nothing**__**  
><strong>__**And I don't even need your love**__**  
><strong>__**But you treat me like a stranger**__**  
><strong>__**And that feels so rough**__**  
><strong>__**You didn't have to stoop so low**__**  
><strong>__**Have your friends collect your records**__**  
><strong>__**And then change your number**__**  
><strong>__**I guess that I don't need that though**__**  
><strong>__**Now you're just somebody that I used to know"**_

_**-Somebody That I Used to Know, Gotye**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Long ago in a village, a strong little knight was lonely. Many important people in his life had gone away. He had a hard time making friends…but one day, he met a little red dragon. The dragon was small and kind…and though it tried, it wasn't always brave. <strong>_

"_**Come here little dragon, I will be your friend," he said. "We will always be together." The strong little knight and the red dragon laughed and laughed. They played and played. And one day, they grew up. The strong knight made new friends… and the little dragon got nervous. He didn't want the knight to forget him….**_

"_**Don't worry, little dragon. I still like you best," he assured him. "Nothing…no one will change that. I promise." The little red dragon lowered its head and rubbed it against the strong knight's chest. The strong little knight had never cared about anyone as much as his dragon.**_

_**The knight's new friend was nice, but he realized he only wanted to play with the dragon. The little dragon was **_his._** "Don't worry, little dragon. I love you. I will never let anything hurt you. I promise." **_

"_**You can't be friends with the dragon, son," the strong little knight's father said, one day. "It's not right. I need you. Dragons and knights can't be friends…."**_

"_**But I love my dragon," he said sadly. "And you ruined it. You ruined everything."**_

"_**I'm sorry, son." The strong little knight was sad. He loved the dragon, but he loved his dad. **_

"_**I'm sorry, little dragon. We can't play together anymore." The little red dragon cried and cried and cried…he looked up with sad eyes, begging the strong knight to change his mind. But he wouldn't.**_

_**The little red dragon got angry. He huffed and he puffed. When he saw the knight, he blew fire and smoke. "Please, dragon…don't be angry…" But the dragon was. **_

_**The little red dragon played where he shouldn't have. He fell off the town wall and bumped his head….the little red dragon couldn't remember who he was. He didn't remember the knight. He didn't remember anything….**_

* * *

><p>A tear fell onto the page and Elena closed the book. She was propped up in bed, tucked under the covers. It was 1 a.m. and her chest <em>ached<em>. This wasn't the first time she'd had to stop before the end. She'd picked it up and tried four times now…each time getting a page further, but never to the end. She was terrified of the end. She was terrified the little red dragon wouldn't _ever_ remember. She was scared that the strong little knight would never forgive him for what he'd done….

* * *

><p>Damon turned the knob of his dorm room. He'd had a long day, but he felt <em>good<em>. He'd handed in a paper that had been weighing on him for a month. He'd met a friend for lunch and he was going home for the weekend to help John with a big event at the bookstore. It was one of the first times in a _long_ time that he hadn't let thought of Elena bring him down.

"Woah…hey," Damon said as he shielded his eyes. Mason was coming out their suite's bathroom, naked. "What the _hell_ are you doing walking around here like that?"

"Uh," he walked back into the bathroom and slipped some clothes jeans on. But Damon's eyes were focused on the lump in his roommate's bed. There was a mass of chocolate brown hair across Mason's pillow…and a little foot stuck out from under the olive bed sheet. On the ankle was a little red dragon.

"Oh, sorry," he gathered his things into his duffel bag, averting his eyes from the scene.

"It's fine. We're done," he stretched. Damon could see scratch marks and nips across his roommate's chest and back. Damon frowned. _That_ was an interesting way to put it.

"Class…..sy," Damon's breath caught in his throat as the brown haired woman sat up. His heart dropped…and his stomach threatened to empty itself all over the floor. She was wrapped in that olive bed sheet…her hair was wild and her lips were swollen. Her eyes looked _vacant_ but he swore he saw tears. He swallowed nothing. The air inside of him was hot and dry as it sailed down into his stomach. He was speechless… he'd never, _ever_ seen her like that. She looked raw and sexual and…crazy. She looked like a grown woman…a _wild_ woman…

"Elena," his eyes buckled. He could die…right there. He could just keel over. He didn't have asthma, but it felt as if he'd never breathe again. His lungs were caught in a vice and it was going to squeeze him until they just gave out. She'd done it. She'd finally done it. She'd slept with someone and it wasn't him. It was his _roommate_.

He didn't have the right to be angry, he told himself. He'd pushed her away time and time again. He'd told her he didn't _want_ her. He knew she'd go off and sleep with someone, _someday_. For Christ's sake, it was all she could _think_ about. But he didn't think he'd ever have to _see_ it. He didn't think he'd walk in on her…like _this_…

It _hurt_ like _hell._ He swallowed, his hands sweating. Time was passing and he was breathing but no sounds were coming out of his mouth. His jaw hung in that half-open state when he locked eyes with her. She snuck on a red hooded sweatshirt with a ripped neck and leggings and swung her legs out of the bed. All the while, Damon's head was spinning.

Love. Pain. Elena. Sex. Virgin. Mason. _Fuck…_

"Alright baby, you gotta go," he slapped her on the ass and she squealed, laughing. "Out, out out… I've gotta shower…"

_Really?_ Damon thought, cringing. He was just going to make her leave? He just took everything from her in one fell swoop and he didn't even seem to _care_…

But neither did she. She was void.

"Bye Mason," she lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek, making sure to watch Damon out of the corner of her eye. "Thanks." She smiled wickedly, when she saw the broken look in his eyes. She was being a malicious _bitch_ and it felt _good_, she thought. If he was going to hurt her, she was going to hurt him right back. She walked right past Damon and Mason's cologne drifted off her skin. It burned Damon's nostrils…someone else _on_ her.

"What the hellwas _that_, Mason," his heart nearly burst from his chest. He was looking for answers and he needed them immediately.

"_That_ was me being a man," he smiled. "God she's hot…" Damon's fists clenched. "And _I _was her first." That was all he had to say?

He felt heat in his stomach. Twisting, burning heat. He knew what it was. He wasn't just being protective. He wasn't just angry that he'd just walked in on his sister after having sex… That burning feeling was _jealousy_ and _emptiness_.

"So _what_, you're like _with _her now?" Damon frowned, his voice giving away his anger.

"No," he shrugged. "It's not like that. It was just sex."

_No_, it wasn't. Mason had just taken Elena's biggest gift… and all he had to say was _it was just sex_. "She said she wanted to get it over with. I was happy to oblige…but let me tell you…she was _good_…_so_ good."

Shit.

Damon shook his head, a bitter smile on his lips. "You're an _ass_."

"What, you _care_? I thought you'd support this. We're buddies," he raised his hands in the air for a high five that would not be returned. "I scored."

"She's important to me," he cringed. "And you're treating this like she's just some random chick that landed in your bed."

"She _is_," he furrowed. "Jesus. What the hell, Damon? I get that you _knew_ her. But you didn't seem to care when I said she was hot before. And I figured if it actually _mattered_ to you she wouldn't have _done_ it."

"It matters…" he said seriously. "It matters that you slept with her and not ten minutes later kicked her out of the room…it matters that you don't even realize what you did…"

"Everyone's gotta lose it at some point. You act like you're mad it wasn't _you _that did the job…" he laughed, but his words and his cocky attitude would come to a screeching halt when his roommate opened his mouth.

"I _loved _her…" he bit out loudly, sourly. "I _love_ her…"

They stared at each other for a moment…both unsure what to say. Damon had just admitted something he hadn't meant to…and Mason had just sincerely _fucked_ up.

"Aw, shit…" Mason exhaled, plopping down on his bed. He didn't want to mess with his buddy's girl.

"But I _can't," _he swallowed. "Because she's my _sister,_" His knuckles turned white. "Our parents got married and ruined it. And she _hates_ me."

It wasn't the fact that he _needed_ to be her first. He'd told her 'no' just last week. But he'd never thought it would happen like _this_…

"I'm sorry, Damon…I didn't know…" Mason's green eyes looked sorry. He could believe him. But it didn't change the fact that he'd been so casual about it. He hadn't held her afterward. He didn't _love_ her. He meant_ nothing_ to her. But that was what Elena _wanted_. She didn't _want_ feelings. She wanted attention.

Damon understood that Mason didn't know…

But _Elena_ knew, he realized. Elena had been to Damon's room before. She'd seen Mason. She _knew_ they were roommates and she knew Damon was due home from class. She'd done it on purpose…he was sure of it. She was going to lose her virginity and she was going to make sure he _knew_ it. She made sure he knew _just_ what he was missing out on…

"I _know_ you didn't…" he tossed the remainder of the clothes he was packing in his duffel. "But you didn't have to be a dick to her...she may _look_ insensitive, but she's not. She's broken…."

* * *

><p>Mason Lockwood…the man with the green eyes. Elena had seen him at a party the night after Damon had rejected her. She knew who he was and <em>what<em> he was to Damon. And she knew he thought she was hot. He'd whispered it in her ear by the drink table. In her broken, angry state, she'd schemed. She'd taken it as a golden opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. She'd give it up to the one man who had a connection to Damon. She'd leave all emotion out of it, she told herself. She'd get it over with so she didn't have to cry and wish it was with him anymore. She had to accept it _wouldn't_ be him…and once it was done…she could forget…she could stop wishing…

"Wanna go back to my place?" He whispered after they'd talked for a few hours. Elena was sober that night. Bonnie had made sure she hadn't had a sip before she left the house… she'd had one drink at the party and then quit for the night. Bonnie had warned her…and she would _try_.

She wanted to believe she didn't _care_ what Damon thought about her. But the fact that she had gone out of her way to make sure Damon would walk in on it proved otherwise. She wanted him to hurt…she _needed_ him to hurt. She knew she wasn't getting him back….it was _pointless_ to hurt him. But she was just too angry, just too far gone….

"Not tonight. But call me," she grabbed his phone and entered her number.

So when he'd called she'd made sure to ask if Damon was going to be gone. She wouldn't make it obvious. And when he'd said he'd be gone until 2 p.m…she dragged it out a little longer than it needed to go. She'd dilly dallied before they'd started…partially out of nerves…partially to make sure _he'd_ see her when he got back…to make sure _he_ knew what she'd done.

Mason hadn't been gentle and he hadn't been sweet. He wasn't _mean_, but there was no emotion coming off him at all. His eyes were too green and his hair was too light. He didn't call her 'Lena' and he didn't say he loved her. He _didn't_ love her. He wasn't Damon.

And it was gone.

She'd hurt him. She'd seen the look on his face when he saw her in Mason's bed. She'd succeeded. And hurting him felt _good_…but not as good as she thought it would.

He'd see her again…more than he wanted to. She'd walk down his hallway, carrying her heels…her hair _everywhere_. He'd hear his hall mates talking about her… _everyone _had had her. Everyone but the _one_ man who actually deserved her…the one man she actually _wanted_.

She was hurting herself more than she was hurting him. It didn't get easier with time. The second and third time she'd slept with random men she still wished she was looking up at _his_ eyes. Each time they were a different color…but they were never blue. She couldn't sleep with anyone with blue eyes….

She'd gone to parties. _Lots _of parties. And while she didn't drink alone anymore, she still drank. Not into oblivion…and not to hide the pain. She told herself she didn't hurt anymore. She didn't need to hide from anything….

"Get off there, Elena," Mason pulled her down off the pool table at a frat party on a Thursday night. "You're going to fall."

"You sleep with me once and you think you can tell me what to do? If that was the case then there are about five other guys in this room who can tell me what I can and can't do, too." She smiled wickedly. "I like it up here. I can see everyone…and everyone can see _me,_" she was pulling off layers of clothing. At first it was the shirt over her tank top, but then it was her shirt…and her jeans….

And she was in lace in front of them all.

"Now, get down. What are you _doing?_" he tugged at her wrist. He may have been a one night thing, but now he felt responsible for her. Not because of what he'd _been _to her, but because of who she was to Damon. She was fragile…and Damon was right. She really _was _broken. "You're _tipsy,_ Elena, and you're in your underwear…"

"What else is new?" She laughed. "Nothing you haven't seen before. Don't worry…I know when to stop."

"Apparently not," he climbed up on the table. "If anything happens to you…" he whispered.

"You _care?_" she frowned. He hadn't even cared when he'd slept with her…

"_Damon…Damon _cares. Now get down before I call him." He pulled out his phone, threatening to dial. She swallowed. She didn't want to see him…

"He doesn't care. Go ahead, call him," she shrugged indifferently, but she prayed he wouldn't. But Mason thought about it. He _should_ call Damon. He should tell him to get his ass over there and all _her_ ass home. But he knew she would just hurt him all over again. And it was easier to see _her_ hurting than his roommate. He got down off the table and shook his head. There was no convincing her. He went to dial and for a moment she panicked…

But he didn't need to call. Damon was standing across the room. He'd gone to meet his friend before they were going to hit another party when he'd seen _her ._He'd stayed away…tried to keep his distance. She had _really _pissed him off when she'd slept with Mason. The way she'd handled herself was tacky and slutty and _not _her…

He'd stayed away because he couldn't stand to be that close to her…but he couldn't be away from her. She was so fucked up…he couldn't just let her _do_ this… She hurt him…but he loved her.

He walked over to the pool table silently. On the outside he looked calm, collected. But he was an inferno inside. What had become of her…his little friend…his lover…his _family_…

He got up on the table and stared at her. She shook her head and laughed. "What? Jealous?"

"Get down…" he said calmly. "Get your fucking clothes on…and get down…now, Elena."

"Someone's mad…" she pointed to him and a group of people laughed. Everyone was staring now. The music had stopped and it was just _them_. Damon and Elena….silent, angry tension pulsing between them….

"I am so not kidding with you," he warned her. But she just stared.

He was so _mad_ at her.

"I'm disappointed in you," he put the shirt over her head. "You're acting like a slut, Elena. You are _better_ than this. If you want to hurt me go ahead. Hurt me. Call me names, whatever…but don't do this to _yourself_. You're only hurting _yourself…_"

"I'm not embarrassed. I know I'm hot. You're one of the only people in this room that actually wants me to put my clothes back on. What's wrong with you? Oh…I remember. You're my _brother_…you can't see this…."

"Quit the shit. We're not arguing about this. You know what? Fine. Right now I _am_ your brother…and I'm telling you to get your god damn clothes on and go home. Go to bed. Or _I _will take you home and put you in your bed."

"No," she shrugged. "Get this kid out of here," she yelled to some of the frat guys. "He's bothering me."

Damon just stared. She was only hurting herself. She had no idea what she was doing. These men weren't anything to her…she was just looking for attention because she wasn't getting the kind she wanted from him. But they'd only give her bad attention. They didn't think of her like _he _did. She was a slut to them…a chance at a good night. But she was everything to him….

He was hauled out of that party. He could've gone back in…but he didn't. She didn't want to be saved.

What was she proving? Absolutely _nothing_. She'd realize it…much later…when he was gone.

How many times could he save her? He'd tried and failed _over and over_ again. Any effort he made was squandered. She didn't _want _to be saved. In the course of four months, she had just stopped _caring._

* * *

><p>He'd gone to a club with some of his friends for a birthday party. When he'd agreed to it, he didn't know what kind of <em>club <em>it was. He didn't know there'd be naked women serving alcohol to people with fake Ids. He wasn't a prude by any means…but his stomach turned at the idea of these women just shamelessly using their bodies. Why would anyone do it?

Why would _she_ do it? When he saw her, walking around in barely _anything_ with a tray of shots, standing over men who were tucking dollar bills into her g-string….he lost his mind. He could only bite his tongue for so long. She might hate him forever but he wouldn't sit by and watch her use herself like this…

And to think it was all because of him…

He'd actually believe that for years….

He wasn't calm this time, when he walked over to her. He took off his jacket and he wrapped it around her shoulders. She hadn't seen him at first.

"Hey sweetie, wait your turn…" she smiled…but when she saw those baby blues, her face turned cold. "Only a pervert comes to a place where his sister is naked."

"I'm going to ignore everything you're saying to me right now. I'm going to ignore the fact that everything you're doing is to hurt me. Like I said before, I don't care. I care about _you_. What will make this stop? Why are you _like _this? You're _beautiful,_ Elena. Don't use your body for _this… _You're so smart…you're _better_ than this…"

"I like it. And they like it. I get paid good money…and I'm not better than this. If I was, I wouldn't be here. Would I?"

"This doesn't have anything to do with money. You're _lonely_. You want attention."

She was. She missed him. She missed _them_. She wished it had _never_ happened. It would hurt less to have never known him than it did to feel like _this_….

"Not from you," she bit out.

"Maybe not…but you're never going to find what you're looking for here. No one here will love you."

"Neither will you so don't be a hypocrite. And you're here aren't you? What are you _looking for?_"

He hadn't been with anyone since Rebekah. He wasn't _that_ guy. His head was with Elena in every way…he couldn't _be_ with anyone else. He'd rather be celibate than be a _liar_…

He'd pushed her away, but he hadn't wanted to. He'd felt _obligated_…but it was fading fast.

"You don't know what you're even saying," he shook his head, zipping up his jacket around her. "You're not going to meet someone special…who will give you the right kind of attention…love you…in a sleazy bar that you have to be _naked_ to work at."

"I don't want love. I don't need it. It's not _real_."

"Yes…" he stared at her. "It _is_. Don't pretend you didn't love me."

"I was a kid, I loved you…"

"It was _only_ a year ago…"

"I was stupid…." She laughed. "It got us nowhere. It's over. I'm _over _it. I'm over you."

"I'm not trying to convince you to love me. I'm trying to convince you to love yourself enough to stop this shit, Elena…" He put his hands on her arms, praying she'd _listen_.

But she didn't. She closed herself even more.

"You know what? I'm working. I can't talk to you right now," she unzipped the coat and handed it to him. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd leave. You're really bothering me."

He pulled at his hair. He was beyond frustrated and she was beyond ridiculous. Why wouldn't she just _listen_ to him? All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his jacket, take her to a corner and plead with her to just _listen_… but he didn't. He told his friends he had to go. Seeing her like that…so _unlike_ his Elena…it was sick…_he_ was sick about it…

But he'd wait outside, until she was dressed and leaving her shift. She was wrapped in a soft, fleece coat and had on jeans. Her overdone makeup was wiped off and she looked young, innocent..soft and sweet. He sighed. She played with his emotions…but he couldn't get enough of her…

She was too much and not enough all at once. But he needed her.

She stopped in front of him and he was surprised. He'd expected her to just walk around the roadblock he'd created. But she stared at him, with her big, brown eyes. And she looked _wrecked_.

"Please…_leave me alone._ I'm begging you."

"I'm asking this because I need to know," he breathed deeply and it mingled in the cool air in front of him. "What will _fix_ you? What can I do?"

"You can't do _anything_. I. don't. want. To. Be. Fixed. I don't want you," she looked serious. She looked _convincing_. "I don't want to be saved…and I don't need _you_ saving me."

"You're lost, Elena. You're gone…and I need to help you. I _need_ to, please…" he begged.

"You want to help me? It's for you, is it? It's all about you…our breakup, _this_…" she laughed. "You say I'm selfish but you're the selfish one. You need to fulfill some role, I think. You feel obligated to 'save' me… but the person you're trying to save is a 'ghost.' I'm not _her_," she emphasized. "You want to save me so badly?"

"Yes," his eyebrows furrowed. "I'll do anything,"

"The leave me alone. Don't ever talk to me again. You wrecked me. _You_ broke my heart. You made me this monster that you say I am. The only person I need saving from is _you_…"

And she walked away. He'd fall to his knees on that dirty ground and he'd stay there for hours…and then he'd get up, go to his dorm and pack up _everything_. He was done.

He dropped out of school. He'd go to that bookstore and work with his father and his stepmother and John. It was a last ditch effort. She said it would save her if he left her alone…but it would save him, too.

It would save him from the simple fact that no matter how he tried…he never _could_ save her. He'd _failed. _He'd failed at loving her enough...he'd failed at _everything_...

He'd never weep that much again in his life. Not even at his parents funeral ten years later. This was Elena's funeral. The girl he loved was as good as _dead_...

* * *

><p><em><strong>The strong little knight didn't <strong>_**know**_** the dragon anymore. **_

"_**Little dragon, stop it. You're going to hurt yourself,"**__**he pled as the dragon walked along the city wall ledge again. He'd fallen so many times…and the strong knight had watched it **_**every**_** time. **_**He didn't want to see it anymore. He cried.**

_**The little red dragon hadn't learned**_**. **_**He didn't learn **_**anything**_** from falling down again and again. **_

"_**Come home, little dragon, please…I'm your friend…I **_**miss**_** you…I know I said we can't be friends…but I was **_**wrong**_**."**_

_** But the little red dragon wasn't little anymore. He was grown and he played with other knights. Knights that were mean to him….so the **_**strong**_** little**__**knight left. The dragon didn't want him anymore. He didn't need him.**_

_** But one day, when the dragon was grown up…he came home. The castle was being attacked. As much as the dragon was angry with the knight for pushing him away…he knew he needed to help the castle and its people. He'd blown his fire at the enemies. He'd destroyed them along with the strong knight. They'd worked together…they'd **_**saved**_** it….together…**_

_** The knight was confused. T**__**he big, red dragon shot blazing fire at him. The knight backed up, holding his shield high in the air. The dragon didn't **__**remember **__**him. **_

_**'Dragon, you're all grown up…but have you really forgotten me?**__** We were **__**friends**__**…you were my **__**best **__**friend, dragon...' the knight pled, sadness in his eyes**__**.'**__**" **_

_**The dragon stopped the fire and stared. He **__**did **__**remember. **_

"_**I'm just glad you came home…I never forgot you dragon. I love you..." The big red dragon tucked his head down to the knight, rubbing it against the strong knight's chest. **_

"_**I love you and I forgive you…."**_

She'd read the first few pages so many times…she'd heard bits and pieces of him sharing it with the kids…but she'd never heard the end. She'd never made it there before that night…the night she told him she wanted to go to that dinner as friends.

Now she knew. She was the dragon. He'd said in the book what she'd never _let_ him say to her in person.

He forgave her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! So curious about what you thought of this!**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: The Elijah chapter! I enjoyed writing this one for the fact that we see Elena interacting with someone other than Damon for a change. We're going to see a few of their interactions that helped Elena along the way.**

**And we're faced with something new in this chapter that might come as a surprise. I changed this chapter around so many times it's ridiculous. But this was the final decision. I have plans, no worries. Thank you for reading.**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 8 **

"I need to take a shower," Elena smiled. "You two have fun….and _get along," _she raised one eyebrow at Elijah, but shot him a small smile. It was good to have someone back in her life that didn't make her feel nervous all the time…or guilty.

"So…." Damon scooted to the edge of Elena's couch. So…she'd left him with a man he knew absolutely nothing about. The one fact he did know was bittersweet. Elijah had somehow been able to do what Damon could _not_. Save her.

"So, she's not exactly subtle about us needing to get to know each other," Elijah smiled. "That's Elena for you. Always does what she wants."

"Yeah…you got _that_ right," he chuckled, but it wasn't out of amusement. It was out of pure confusion. Elena had picked Elijah up from the airport not forty-five minutes ago and she was already setting them up for awkward conversation.

* * *

><p>She needed that shower…she needed to be <em>alone<em>. Her head was spinning...and her stomach was, too. It was barely 8 a.m. and she'd already been to the airport and back. Damon had insisted on coming with for some reason…lately he _always _did.

But it didn't bother her, not really. Ever since she'd read that book, she couldn't look him in the eye without _hurting_. Sure, she felt a little more emotional than normal, but that wasn't the only reason. She was _sorry_…for all of it. But she couldn't bring herself to break it down enough to really explain it to him. They were finally on a decent level…and now _this_….

The pure honesty in the moment that she realized he _forgave_ her…for everything she'd done…was impossible to process. But he was Damon, and he'd always been the most insanely sweet, aggravating, and _confusing_ man on the planet. She'd pushed and she'd shoved him…literally...but it seemed he'd never given up hoping. He'd made his own ending to that book…and it was _happy._

Maybe the still loved her? Maybe he had never _stopped_. Every time he'd put distance between them, he'd always sounded so wounded. If he'd truly just stopped loving her, wouldn't he have finally, one day, given up? Yes, he'd walked away….but the man in the neighboring room had _not_ given up on her. She knew it.

Now the water poured down fiercely against her skin. It mixed with the tears and they circled down that shower drain together. For a time, she never thought she'd be _there_ again…so close to him and to everything that had changed her life forever.

But the lights were fading in and out under that shower head, and she was struggling to stay on her feet. She propped herself up against the wall so she wouldn't _fall_, and she cried for _them_. Her heart could burst at the thought of amazing he was….how could he just forgive her? After _everything?_

But would he forgive her for _this_…it wasn't really _just_ her fault….

She'd been waiting for Elijah to come…it was supposed to be a bright spot in this whole messy ordeal. But now she didn't even _care_ that he was there. She loved her friend…she _missed_ her friend….but now…with _this_…she didn't need distractions. Now she couldn't pry her thoughts away from _this_ for even a moment….

"I'm _sorry_…." She whispered to him, although he could not hear. She turned off the water and let her body slide down the wall.

She knew her life had gone off the rails…but she was _better_. By some miracle, this had _never_ happened with any random man. God had saved it…if she had to see it that way. If it was going to happen to her, unexpectedly, it was going to happen with _Damon_. She was always meant to be with _Damon_….and now there was a chance that their union would be personified….

But she was going to hurt him again, she knew. He didn't _want_ this. Not with _her_.

They were barely friends again….

When she'd created that divide, she'd meant it. And once he was gone, ten years ago, she'd done everything in her power to make sure _not_ to hurt anymore. But every time she'd pushed her limits, it had become clearer to her that he was _right._ Her ascension hadn't come easily…and contrary to what she thought, she _couldn't_ do it by herself. At first, she didn't even see the problem… but then _he'd_ come along. Someone who _wasn't_ Damon…_wasn't_ the man who'd made her hurt. And he'd made her realize just how far she'd gone.

"So we finally meet. The _two_ men in Elena's life who _haven't_ slept with her," Elijah said sadly, but smiled awkwardly.

Damon closed is eyes and let his chin fall into his hands on his knees. "Refresh your proverbial twitter feed, my friend…"He sighed. "I slept with her."

"What?" Elijah's eyes became wide. Elena hadn't shared _this_ with him…and for good reason. She knew exactly what he'd say. He'd tell her these were _not_ baby steps….

"After the burial…" he winced. "As if things weren't messy enough. Now I have _that_ to pile on top of everything else. I'm having a hard time, here. Sometimes I don't know _what_ she's doing…"

"Damon…I know we don't know each other _at all_. But we both know Elena in some way shape or form. I never knew her when she was little, when you _loved_ her." He cleared his throat. "But I knew her after you left...when she was scared and lonely and desperate. But she isn't like that anymore. I saw the transition…and I'm going to tell you something about this _new_ version. She is amazing," he smiled.

* * *

><p>For the first time, Elijah was faced with the man who'd broken his dear friend's heart. But the version…the <em>story <em>she'd told him of how Damon didn't _care_…it didn't match up with the man sitting in front of him. This man looked hopeful. He looked like Elena meant _everything_….

"Daddy," she whispered, tears evident by the scratch, strain of her voice. "Daddy I'm in jail."

John Gilbert swallowed. "_What_?" He'd never heard a more devastating sentence. "_What _do you _mean_ you're in jail, Elena?" Damon's eyebrows lowered. He'd was on the other side of the bookstore… _heard_… How couldn't he? John was _screaming_.

"I was arrested an hour ago…I need bail…they'll let me out…"

"Why were you arrested…honey…."

"Underage drinking," she paused. "Public intoxication," she said sadly, "vandalism…" she swallowed.

"Shit, _Elena_!" He yelled. He was furious. He was furiously _disappointed_ in his little girl. "Ugh…" he knew this was probably her only call and that she didn't have much time to talk…but he had so much to say after not seeing her for almost a year.

Damon had left right before the end of her freshman year of college. She'd stayed in New York with Bonnie all summer and gone back to school. He'd visited her once, against her wishes, during Christmas of her Sophomore year. She loved her dad, but _he_ loved _Damon_. Anything remotely related to Damon was poison.

She hadn't seen her Mom and she hadn't asked about her once. For all she knew, she was off cheating on _this_ husband, too_…_

Her family had been a disappointment to her...but, she'd never wanted to be a disappointment to _them_.Since she was a little kid, she'd wanted to make them proud. And now…after she'd worked so hard _ruining_ her relationship with them…she couldn't help but feel that little girl creeping up inside. She needed them to miss her. She needed them to love her. And they did, but she couldn't see it…

Now she was begging, crying on the phone…his little girl. Even the most disappointed, devastated father didn't want to think of his little girl in jail….even _if_ she deserved it…

"Please come, Daddy…." She hung up the phone. "I'm _sorry_."

Their relationship was _struggling _but he was the only one she'd actually hold onto.

John slammed the book store phone down on the counter angrily. He pressed his hands down on the counter and gritted his teeth. He felt like a _failure_ as a parent. She was twenty years old….she shouldn't be in _jail…_

Elena made _everyone_ feel like a failure….everyone but herself.

"It's not your fault, John," it was as if Damon could read his mind. He hadn't seen Elena in over a year…but he knew. Nothing had gotten better. If anything, _everything_ had gotten worse.

"I should've seen this coming," he shook his head. "When I saw her at Christmas…I should've told her I was disappointed. I shouldn't have let her think it was _okay_ to be so closed off like she is…but I was just so afraid to comment on her lifestyle…I was afraid she'd push me away and hate me…."

But he'd have gladly pushed her buttons if he knew she'd end up in _jail_…

"She isn't mad at you. She's not trying to punish _you_, Pa. She's angry with me. This is my fault. I pushed her away. I told her we couldn't love each other…" he plopped down on the bean bags. His head in his hands.

"Elena's bullheaded. She's like me. You can't tell her what to do. She thinks she's being _controlled_. She needs to be in control, always…" he shook his head. "This is _her_ fault. These are _her_ choices, Damon." He stopped as he saw the broken young man in front of him. Damon really _loved_ her, he knew. And in another lifetime, his little girl would be happy, healthy and in _Damon's_ arms. But life was cruel…life mixed her up. And now she was gone from everyone…

"You're a good brother," he patted him on the back. It was an awkward comment. This man, this twenty-year old _man_ in front of him, was like the son he'd never had. When he'd found out about Giuseppe and Miranda when the kids were 16, he'd looked at Damon like he was the devil incarnate… but it faded. He hadn't _wanted_ Damon's hands on his baby girl….but now he knew…Damon's arms were the only ones that could've saved her, before she lost her mind….

John had said the words he was _supposed_ to say in that situation…not the ones he wished were true. What was the sense in wishing and praying for something that would _never_ come true?

"I'm a _terrible_ brother," he closed a book. "I'm still in love with her, John." His eyes flicked over to a few pictures of them hanging on the wall…them at the beach as kids…one of them on the homecoming they'd pretended _not_ to be dating for…

"I know," he said and his words stilled Damon. "I love my daughter…but Damon, I love _you_, too. And Elena…she's not good for you. For your sake, son…_stop_ loving her. Be her brother… be _happy_. She needs to save herself. She won't _let_ you. Don't spend the rest of your life waiting for her…."

She thought she'd never come back. He didn't think, when he lowered John's casket into the ground, that she'd be holding his hand….

"So you're going…right? You're going to bail her out?" his voice tried _not_ to break. He was indescribably pained by her actions. He was gone and she was _still_ doing it to herself.

So what was the point of him leaving her last year?

"Of course I am…against everything that I should be doing…I'm going. Sometimes it feels like she'll _never_ learn…" he clenched his fist. A tear fell down his face. There had been _too_ many tears shed for her stupid action over the years.

"Sometimes I think the only way we'll get her back is at her _funeral_, Damon," he eeked out before he pushed through the door.

But she _would_ learn. She sat in that jail until he could drive from Mystic Falls to New York. John would bail her out. She'd pay tickets, she'd serve community service. She'd get off _too_ easily…that was just the way it worked for Elena Gilbert. She was given so many chances…

But this time, she'd make something of them. She'd been screwing around for two years and it was time she realized she didn't have to hurt herself anymore. He was gone…what was the point?

"You're being let off easily, Miss Gilbert. I hope you realize that and take this seriously,"

The brown haired man stood in front of her, leaning against his desk. She nodded. She knew what he meant. She'd be spending her summer before the junior year of college doing community service at _several_ places. A halfway house, a drug rehabilitation center…

"I will," she sighed. She was absolutely and positively alone.

But she wouldn't be alone forever. Her first day on community service at the halfway house she met Elijah. He was tall and handsome and powerful….and he was in charge of making sure she did her time. He was only a year older than her working with the group as part of his school credits.

One day he'd be a police officer…one day all of _this_ would be worth it, he knew.

"Gilbert, you're falling down on the job here. You have to bring all these women their meals. You can't just plop down on your little behind and let them starve." He frowned as he saw her head down on a desk. She was _tired_.

"I get it…I get it," she got up. She'd already done the dishes, picked up their trashes, helped clean their rooms….

"Get _going_. Push it. You're not here because you _want_ to be, I assume…" he barked.

"No," she swallowed. He had the power to make this so much worse.

"You put yourself in this situation….the things you've done with yourself. But it's time you realize you're the _lucky_ one. It could be _you_ in this place, for _real_."

"No, I would never let myself get here," she laughed, shaking her head. "I like sex…not drugs." But her words bucked a little…as she remembered _almost_ faltering.

"Really? Because the attitude you have about turning your life around _sucks_," he pointed out. "You don't have any self-respect. You lack drive, you lack determination…"

"You don't even know me," she spat out. "You watch me walk around here all day…that's all you know about me. You bark orders and laugh when I get too tired to _do_ them…"

He sighed. Bitter workers weren't supposed to be this pretty.

"I know who you are. I know where you work…" he leaned against the door frame. "I've been to that bar several times."

"Okay…so now I'm being bossed around by someone who's been staring at me naked for hours on end. Yeah, _this_ is fair…" she rolled her eyes and pulled her hair out of her hair tie.

"My Dad _owns_ that place," he said seriously. "I know what he makes his women…_you_…do"

"Oh…." She frowned. She wasn't usually embarrassed by her job. Normally she just felt numb…couldn't care less what people thought of her outside of the bar, because she never had to dealt with any of them. But Elijah was different. He was a man with a head on his shoulders…and he thought so _little_ of her. Somehow…it _mattered_. It made her want to defend herself for the first time in more than a year.

"So I know what you're doing with yourself. It's my _Dad's_ place, but I don't agree with it. I just have gone there to give him some stuff a few times…and I've seen you and I've seen the way you act."

"You can't be talking to me about my personal choices. You're a _leader_ here. This isn't your business. I'm of age to do whatever I _want_ to do with myself," he couldn't get the best of her. _She_ was in charge of _herself_.

"Except you don't _want_ to do it," he smiled sadly. "I can tell when I see your face with those men. They disgust you. And you are underage to be drinking. I know my father isn't too strict about that…he might even encourage it…" his eyebrows folded.

"Thus…" she swung her arms to show off her orange jumpsuit. "I'm stuck here with _you_."

"Correct," he nodded, but a small smile spread across his lips.

"Fine, get out of my way," she sighed, pushing him gently, "I have people to feed…."

* * *

><p>There was something snarky about Elena Gilbert. Elijah could see something familiar in her. She was sassy and wild…but inside…she was a beautiful, sore woman who was trying to stand on her own two feet. Someone had hurt her…badly.<p>

But he'd started a fire in her…one that wouldn't just fade out quickly this time…

By the end of the first month, he'd started calling her Elena. She'd done her job and she'd done it well. She'd _seen_ things…sick women…rehabilitating drug addicts…and it saddened and _angered _her.

She didn't _want_ that for herself. She'd seen that they were _weak_…but they were _trying_ to be strong. If she kept on the path she'd been treading on, she wasn't sure she could _be_ that strong…

She didn't think she had that _will_ inside of her.

A woman _died_ when she was there…two months into her community service. She'd snuck in cocaine…she'd taken too big of a hit…

And Elena was devastated. She wept for the woman…and she wept for _herself_.

She'd almost done it once…at the club. It was lined up for her and she was leaned over, ready to go….but then she _stopped_. Something in her told her no. She wouldn't admit it then, but she knew what it was. It was the image of Damon.

"Come on pouty mouth," Elijah teased. Things had lightened up between them considerably. He actually _cared _about one of the workers…usually they were just a means to get credit for school. But _she_ looked so _sad_…

He wasn't a big, mean leader that he'd initially seemed to be. He'd never seen anyone act like _her_. Most of the workers were hard, rough…but she wasn't. She was just hollow.

"You're gonna get tears all over your little orange jumpsuit thingy…"

"I see you've been in the business long enough to know the correct terminology," she smiled lightly through her tears. "And aren't you supposed to be more professional than this?" Elena frowned, "I could turn you in for favoring me…" she let him lighten the mood. She needed it..for once.

"And then I could tell them that I let you skip _two hours_ worth of _work_ today because you were crying," he walked up behind her and moved her hair to the side. She was sweet…she was a beautiful, broken mess of a woman.

She didn't need anything _else_ to go wrong. "Would you?" She blinked her pretty brown eyes and he sighed. She had a way…."Would you really tell on me? I'm working really hard here…forgive me for actually _caring_ about something for the first time in…."

"Shhh," he whispered. "What exactly did you do to get here? You're kinda sassy but you don't look capable of much wrong. I know my Dad's business is skanky…but it's all legal…other than your drinking…"

"I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you that," she reminded him. For some reason, he _relaxed_ her. He could joke with her…and it didn't make her angry.

"Okay…and I don't have to keep our little secret here either then," he pulled out his phone, pretending to dial. "This could get me in some serious _shit_. Maybe I should just crack the whip like I do with everyone else…"

"Fine. I left work and a guy who'd been hitting on me all night was sitting outside by his car…I'd had a little too much to drink…my _boss_ doesn't really care about the whole underage thing…but that's another story…." She stopped. "The guy told me I was a slut. He said he wouldn't be surprised if I got raped one day when I left work. I got scared….but worse…I got angry. The next night, when I saw his car again, I bashed in all the windows….I poured paint all over his seats…."

"Why? Elena, you could've just said he threatened you," he cringed. "You didn't have to do that."

"Because I wanted to be the one with the last word…I wanted to be in control. And I was…but after it was done, I learned it wasn't his car…" she swallowed. "I had downed a twelve pack of beer and vandalized some poor woman's car because I _thought_ it was his. The police pulled up as I was taking some crazy swings with a Louisville…."

"Wow. You are…okay, I'm officially afraid of you." He backed up, his hands in the air. He was teasing her, but she answered him with sincerity.

"And you _should_ be," she nodded. "I wreck every man I know. And I _know_ a lot of men."

"Elena…I'm _kidding_. Take a joke…" he said gently. "I know we don't know each other. But I can tell something about you. You're a _good_ woman. This is _fake_…isn't it? Something happened to you to push you this far." He was _sweet_, actually.

"I loved someone and I couldn't have him…" Elijah just stared. "I know, it's a _shitty_ reason to fall off the rails." He hadn't said a word…but being _there_…in a place where all these people had _worse_ issues… it made her situation seem immature….

"Love hurts…but _this_…what you're doing…it hurts worse. Did you see those women at Madge's funeral? They didn't even _care_. They _knew _her, Elena…but they were so wrapped up in their thoughts about how they need a _fix_… you're _better_ than this."

She'd heard those words before. They were familiar and they were frightening. But Elijah wasn't Damon…she didn't think of him like _that_. He was more of a _mentor_.

"You don't know me," she said quickly, on the defensive.

"I _want_ to," she reminded him of _her_. The sister he'd lost to drug overdose. No, Elena wasn't there. He didn't even know she'd _almost_ started it… but she was sad and dangerous in her own way. She was self-destructive…but she was raw on the insides…completely bare.

"I don't do relationships, Elijah…" she warned him.

"I don't do casual _sex_, Elena…" he laughed. "This isn't about that. For once, you need to understand…not _everything_ is about that… I want to be your friend."

"You're my commander," she shook her head. "It ends here."

"It doesn't have to," He squeezed her hand.

And they _were_ friends. He never told them that she didn't complete _all_ of her community service time. He didn't tell them he'd let her leave early five times because she was crying….

He had a weakness for her. She didn't even _understand_ the woman she could be, he knew. He'd catch glimpses, here and there, of the way she worked with those women. She was _kind_. She was gentle. But the moment she'd walk away, she'd put on that little tough face that said she couldn't care _less_.

But he would get in her head, and by the time her community service had been met, _mostly_, Elijah and Elena found excuses to hang out. Silly, unimportant things. He wouldn't overwhelm her… He needed someone to help him pick out sunglasses. He needed an opinion on a new car. He found little ways to make her feel important again.

* * *

><p>And by the time she was 22 she should've been ready to graduate. She wasn't, however. She'd lost semesters worth of time doing everything <em>but <em>studying. But slowly, she'd found herself wanting to try. Elijah had pushed her. He'd believed in her….and slowly she began to believe in herself.

Elijah had _broken_ through to her. She wasn't perfect…and she wasn't _old_ Elena. But she was _better_, _happier_. In the past two years he'd known her, he'd seen changes. Good changes. There weren't nearly as many men leaving her room at night…

But every now and then…she still struggled.

He'd gone to her bar, watched her serve drinks to men who ogled her in twisted ways. He hadn't gone to see his dad…he'd gone to protect _her_. It wasn't like he loved her. He just cared about his friend…

But that night she'd knocked on his door, bawling.

"I can't _do_ this!" She screamed, pulling at her hair. "I can't _be like this_. Elijah…it almost happened. I saw it in the women's room of the bar again….a dusty line of white, sitting on a little mirror. A line of crack…just _sitting_ on that mirror. I couldn't think straight. I've never done it…but something about it was just so _intriguing_… but then, out of the _blue_ I got a text from my Dad. It said my Mom was in the hospital…"

"Tell me you didn't," he pled, holding her arms. The police officer in him was coming out. He'd just been sworn in two weeks prior. And here she was, admitting she'd almost done _drugs_ to a cop…to _him_…

"I _didn't_. I wanted to…but then I got to thinking about Mom…and I got to thinking that I'm a _shitty_ daughter. I'm _shitty_ because I still don't want to see her…and she's in the _hospital_ , Eli," she called him her nickname for him. The tears ran down her face in wild streams…and he held her… "They think she has breast cancer...and I'm too _stupid_…"

"Shhh, you're _okay_…you're _strong_, sweetie. If you weren't… you'd have done that line." He bit his lips.

"Do you even realize how screwed up this is right now? You're a _cop_,"

"I'm your _friend._"

"It's your job to enforce the law…and I'm dancing on the edge of breaking it _all_ the time…" she cried.

"Then _stop_," he pled. "Stop and we won't have to worry about any of that anymore." She nodded against his chest. "Be Elena. Don't be _her_," he lifted the blue hair extension hanging from her pretty brown hair.

She could've done _anything_ but stay at that dead end job that brought too many temptations in her path….she needed to break _through_….

It was the final straw, the one that broke the camel's back. She wouldn't be that camel anymore. She was done being _fake_ and she was donefeeling sorry for herself. If someone said something to her at work that rubbed her the wrong way, she dealt them attitude right back. She'd finally admitted that she'd hated her job. That admittance alone was progress for her.

"I saw a job opening at the coffeehouse yesterday when I bought breakfast," he smiled. "They're hiring part time, nights and weekends. You could _leave_ that place, Elena…."

"It's not enough money to pay my rent. I _have_ to stay there."

"I know…but if you insist on _not_ using your degree…I insist on you not wasting yourself in that hell hole anymore. What would you say if I said you could move in with me?"

"I'd say no. I'd say you can't save me. You think you can…but I'll wreck everything. I haven't had a real friend in years," she smiled. "I'm bad at it."

"I don't think so," he smiled. "I think you've just forgotten _how_. You are the single must stubborn woman I have ever met. That _sucks_…but you know what? _Keep_ that. Be stubborn…but be stubborn about _good_ things in life. Be stubborn about doing something to change yourself. You _can._ We've know each other for two…I _know_ you, Elena. You won't wreck me._"_

"You're kind of smart…" she smiled. "And you don't make me feel like everything I do is wrong…I like that. But _why_? You know where my choices have gotten me."

"Because you have to believe you can change. You have to want to change. You're right, I _can't_ save you. Only _you_ can save _you_. And _only _when you're ready. So, move in with me. Get this job. Fix yourself."

"Okay," she agreed, sighing softly. He made her feel like she was in control of her future. Damon…he'd always begged her. He'd always put himself in that _role_… the 'save the damsel in distress' role. She didn't_ like_ that. He had hurt her…broken her heart…taken _everything_ from her…and then he was going to back pedal and try to _save_ her? No. It didn't make _sense._

* * *

><p>She wouldn't get it until years later…but she didn't need saving from him. She needed to realize that he was just as sad and broken as she was. He was just better at handling it. He'd spent months reaching out to her, but all she'd done was intentionally hurt him.<p>

He hadn't gone off and slept with random women. He hadn't wanted attention from other women at all. He'd gone _home_. He'd helped their family make something of the business...the business that would be _theirs_ one day…

When she was 24 and she finally _did_ graduate, Elijah was still there for her. John went to her commencement service and he begged her to move home…but she wouldn't.

"Is Damon still there?" She'd asked.

"You know he is, honey,"

"Then _I_ can't be."

The conversation ended there…and it wouldn't come up again. He'd _die_ before she'd ever contemplate moving back.

She'd come around again…some version of herself. In the eight years she lived with Elijah, she'd found a way to just _be_. She didn't have to cry about Damon every day. She felt bitterness toward him…but he couldn't control her feelings anymore. And once she realized that she'd waste her life being angry at someone who couldn't even _hear_ her anger anymore, she just stopped. She stopped thinking of him. She stopped dreaming of him. And when she talked to her Dad, she stopped _asking _about him.

She'd see him again…when she was 26. She'd see his blue eyes staring at someone _else_…

* * *

><p>Now, Elena patted her mouth with a wash rag, her lips absorbing the cool water. Her knees were cold, sore from the floor. She'd nearly fainted in the shower…it had all gone black and white…<p>

And then she'd thrown up again and again and again…

But she'd put on that tough little face _for_ them. She wasn't ready to face this yet...

"Well, boys," she came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her hair, smiling as if she hadn't just nearly _died_ in the bathroom a minute ago. "Bonded yet?" She had a short, black silk robe around her and Damon's eyes crept up to where it stopped at her thigh. He swallowed. Elijah watched the whole scene play out knowingly.

"And _then_ Elena wore these crazy pink, I'm talking _flamingo_ _pink_ pants with this bright yellow…" Damon smiled knowingly at Elijah as he heard her approaching behind him. "Oh, _hi_, Elena."

He loved how calm things had gotten in the last week. It was _lighter_ between them. For now…

"Funny," she stuck her tongue out at him, plopping down next to him on the cushiony couch. Her leg pressed up against his and it was _warm_.

"I was just telling Elijah about your fashion issues back in 1995," he teased. "But _my_, you've turned it around…"

"And you're _laughing_," she chuckled at Elijah's reaction. She felt _good_ that they seemed to get along. She was nervous about Elijah meeting him. He'd spent eight years knowing him as the man who'd ruined her life. But nothing about this moment was ruined.

"Do I even want to _know_ what else you talked about?" she pouted

"Pouty mouth,"Elijah winked.

"Oh we talked about a lot of things," Damon shrugged. "All about _you_."

"Yeah, I guess I'm the last man standing," Elijah smiled, teasing her. He _could_ tease her about this…somehow it was okay. Because he knew she wasn't that woman anymore. She'd stopped sleeping with random men by the time she was 24.

Elena's eyebrows arched and her eyes bugged out of her head. She looked at Damon. She knew _exactly_ what he was referring to. "_Damon_…you _told_ him? You guys aren't supposed to talk about _that_. You just met! You can't talk about sleeping with me…"

But she couldn't be mad. It was going to come out, eventually, anyway….

"Lena, when two men like _us_ know a woman like _you,_ we share a common thread. We get each other. And if you're gonna shower for an hour and abandon us in here…we're _gonna_ talk about you." He frowned for a minute. "What else would we have to talk about?" She was warm, sitting next to him. He felt _honored_ that she'd chosen to sit next to him, instead of her dear friend.

"Why _were _you in there for an hour, anyway?" Damon frowned.

"I'll tell you later," she swallowed, her eyes floating to Elijah. What? He couldn't know? Damon felt almost _happy_ about that.

"Okay," he sighed. "Guess I'm the one that gets to know the secrets now." He waggled his eyebrows at Elijah.

"_Any_way," she cleared her throat. "Elijah, I know you have a lot going on this week. But I was hoping we could spend some time together. I'd really like to show you around."

"Of course, sweetheart," he reached across to touch her knee. Damon flinched. Everything Elijah had told him pointed to _friendship_…so why was he touching her knee like that? She smiled at him, but moved her knee away. _Phew_.

Elijah would be staying there for three whole nights. Three _long_ nights…probably touching her knee or _worse_… it was a _small_ house…

"Elena…a word…" Damon motioned to the kitchen with his thumb.

"I said _later_," she hushed him. "What are you plans for the rest of the day, Eli?" She sipped on her water, praying she wasn't going to have to run out of there again.

"Actually I was going to lie down for a while…tired from the early flight and all," he looked at Damon, who gave him a weary but appreciative smile. He really _couldn't_ get a read on him.

Elena's eyes pressed hard into him, trying to _read _in between the lines. He wanted them to talk. Elijah _always_ wanted her to talk…

"Fine," she shrugged, tugging Damon's arm and pulling him off the couch. He let her drag him into her bedroom. A bedroom…of _all_ places. _Really_?

"Okay, spill," he said, leaning his hand down on her dresser. "Something's up with you. You're acting all _funny_…"

"Compared to _what_? You don't exactly understand my personality, Damon…" her heart was pounding. How much longer could she hide it?

"I'm _trying_ to," he swallowed. "All week you've been jumpy and nervous, Elena. You've been leaving the store several times a day…so tell me. What is it? Are you _seeing_ someone?"

"No," she laughed. "I'm not _seeing_ anyone. Trust me."

"I do. So what's going on? If you don't want to tell me…I guess I'm not that surprised. I don't expect you to trust _me _or anything…."

Elena fell backwards on her bed, her robe opening and revealing her flat stomach. He looked away. "That's the thing, Damon," she stared up at the ceiling. "I _do_ trust you."

She realized she could trust him the moment she finished that book…. And it was a good thing, too…she needed to not _deny_ him, not _disappoint_ him….

She didn't think she loved him. But she _needed_ him….

"You do?" He walked over to the bed, staring down at her eyes. She patted the spot next to her and tugged her robe around her a little more tightly. He sat down listened closely.

"Yes," she said simply. "I know you won't _hurt_ me. I know you're trying to help me." The words were slamming straight into his heart. He'd waited forever to hear those words from her. They weren't romantic or breathtaking or memorable in any _normal_ sort of way. But to him, the idea that he wasn't hurting her anymore was _enough_.

"I will _never_ hurt you on purpose, Lena," he smiled sweetly. "Whatever it is…it's okay. You have no idea how amazing this is to me that you're with me, _here_…" She looked up at him and the flash was there…but he worry, too. He _hated _it. She had hurt him time and time again…but he hated _every _second that she was in pain…

This woman was Elena. Not a pieced together version, not a ghost. She was just Elena. And realized, he _loved_ her.

The excitement would soon turn into shock…but not _terror_.

"I forgot my birth control," she closed her eyes, her voice shaking "When I flew back to Mystic Falls for the funeral…and when we flew to New York the same night…..I forgot it. I missed _three_ pills, Damon."

"Why didn't you say something? He fell backward on the bed. "I would've used…oh my _God_, Elena." His stomach flipped. Now _he_ was going to faint. He had never _not_ used a condom with a woman. But it was Elena…and she drove him _wild_…and he was drunk…

There was no excuse…not really.

"I'm afraid to talk to you about this. I _trust_ you…but I can't talk to you about that night, Damon We can't talk about feelings and all of that. I'm nauseous enough as it is….I can't take it…"

"I already know what you think about it. It was just sex…" He sounded sad, as he remembered. She noticed and it struck a chord with her this time. When he'd yelled at her about how she was a closed up bitch the morning _after_ they'd slept together, she hadn't _cared_ what she said to him. But now that she was with him again, in the same place, she couldn't help but spin backwards to a time when she _never_ wanted to hurt him….

"This isn't the main problem here, Damon. I'm not just telling you I forgot my pills because I randomly remembered it _now_…a _month_ and a _half_ later. "I'm _late_, Damon."

"It was one night," he frowned. "Are you sure it's _mine_…."

Oh Shit. He should _not_ have said that. She was _sensitive _about _that_…. He wanted to back pedal so badly, but he didn't know how.

"Yes, if I'm pregnant this baby _is_ yours. I haven't slept with anyone else in _four_ years. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm not _a slut_, Damon." Her eyes buckled. "Not anymore."

Four years? He dropped back. He hadn't _known_. That was _quite_ the dry spell….especially for someone who slept with four guys in two days at one point…. But once she'd stopped, she'd really _stopped_.

"Elena…" he swallowed. "I'm sorry, I…"

"And it wasn't just _one _time that night. It was _four times_," she reminded him.

"So…you're…" he started, gently, nervously

"I don't know…I just spent half an hour throwing up in the bathroom…I'm dizzy…I'm hungry…I'm late…"

"You're pregnant, Elena," he propped himself up on his elbow, watching her lip quiver.

"We don't _know_ that for sure. I might have the flu…I might be stressed out…"

"Do you really think that's the case?" he looked at her little body…the idea of the changes it may make swirling in his head. He'd _done _this. He'd hurt her _again_…

"I _want_ it to be the case," a tear rolled down her cheek as her head lay on her pillow.

"Because you don't want my baby…"

He _wasn't _surprised that she wouldn't want his kid. She didn't want _any_ kid, he was sure. She had barely gotten over being a kid herself, it seemed. But it still hurt. Years ago, when they'd been crazy in love, he'd _thought_ of their kids. Hell, he _still_ thought of their kids…he just thought of them as scome crazy pipe dream that would never happen. He knew she wasn't ready…she didn't _love_ him.

But she seemed to love _herself_ again…

It was still so unsettling, the thought. But he was jumping to conclusions. They weren't even _sure…_

"Because we weren't ever supposed to have _sex_…let alone a _baby_, Damon," she snapped up into a sitting position. "If I'm pregnant I've ruined _everything_," just as she yelled, she felt the rotten sensation creeping up inside of her again. She covered her mouth and ran to her bathroom, barely making it in time.

"You need to take a test, Elena. Just how late are you?" He mumbled, walking after her slowly, watching her hug the white porcelain. She hadn't heard anything he'd said. She was too busy retching, her face white and clammy with sweat. He kneeled down beside her, moving her hair to the side, holding it back. He rubbed her back.

"We haven't even fixed _us_. We can't have a baby," she put her head down on the seat and cried.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There it is… just when things were getting easy, they get another curveball thrown at them. I had dropped a few hints earlier, but I don't think anyone caught on. Like I said, I have plans for this one, so no one panic! Please review and give me your thoughts. I am not sure how this one is going to go over…and frankly, I've edited it so many times….**

**In the coming chapter we are going to take a spin through Damon's head and see what happened to him in the time he was away from Elena. We know about Katherine and the book…but we don't know how or **_**why**_** he ended it with her. We will soon. And we have a dinner coming up, too. **


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you for the great responses for my last chapter. I was nervous about that one Big changes. We will learn a little about Damon's past in this chapter…what happened two years ago…why and how it ended with Katherine…**

**We'll see Elena's internal redemption regarding her mother….**

**This main portion of this chapter s place over just a few hours. The back story is important, but the strides made in the present are the main event…**

**I hope you enjoy the mini-flashback at the start. It's so telling. **

**After that we'll start in on a conversation that's been going on for hours...and by the end, we'll feel the difference. **

**I bumped this up to M because of some content in the coming chapters. Profanity, _other_ scenes...it's just the right thing to do. I hope you stick with me regardless.**

**Thank you! Please let me know what you think!**

* * *

><p><strong>"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over<strong>  
><strong>But had me believing it was always something that I'd done<strong>  
><strong>And I don't wanna live that way<strong>  
><strong>Reading into every word you say<strong>  
><strong>You said that you could let it go<strong>  
><strong>And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know..."<strong>

**-Somebody That I Used To Know, Gotye**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 9**

"_I swear, it's what they said," a suddenly knowledgeable, ten year old Damon's eyes were wide…very wide. "Why would I make it up? Go, now, check a book!" He pointed wildly to the informational area of their store._

_ "No!" Elena blushed. "Stop," she walked away from him, scrunching up her nose. "Ew."_

"_Well…how else would a baby get in there?" he whispered loudly so she could hear then ran after her._

"_It's still gross. Stop talking." _

"_Parents don't seem to think so," he shrugged. "Maybe when we're older,"_

"_You are not doing that to me," She walked away, blushing. "Ever."_

"_Well I'm not letting anyone else do it to you, so…."_

"_Do what?" John walked into the front of the bookstore._

"_Nothing," Elena said smiling. "Love you, Daddy." But John knew that smile. She had a devilish smile. She'd be trouble when she was older…and that little _boy_ would have everything to do with it….._

* * *

><p>She was nuts. She was absolutely <em>nuts<em>, he thought.

"Drink water, _please_," Damon pushed his palms into his eyes, stretching the skin below them south. "You're going to feel _worse_ if you don't." They sat in darkness on her bedroom floor, their backs against her bed, shoulders touching.

"No, I'm not drinking or _eating_ anything. _Nothing_ stays down." She sounded _drained_.

"You're starving our child," He'd been there for too long, his wording wasn't as careful as it had been a few hours ago. His voice was almost sing-song…he was teetering on delirious. He had patience but this woman was _ridiculous._

"Our _potential_ child," She tipped her head backward and her hair spread across her purple comforter. "There might not be one."

"There is one," he sighed. "There has to be…I _think _there is. But if you'd take a _test,_" he emphasized, "We'd know." He turned to her, his eyes wide, exhausted. "I'm about to stick your hand in a glass of warm water in the middle of the night and dip the stick _myself_ here, Elena…." It was 2 a.m. and they'd gone back and forth for the last two hours.

"_Don't_ be an _ass_," she snapped back. "You try throwing up all day and all night and then tell me how motivated you are to do anything. I just want to sit still until the world is done spinning…then I want to crawl into bed _alone_," she raised her eyebrows, "and go to sleep….you may _go_ now…"

But he hadn't... He'd _stayed, __he'd begged..._

* * *

><p>She'd felt better for a while, after she'd first told Damon. She'd wiped her mouth and put on a brave smile to visit with Elijah. She'd skipped all meals and left for brief periods of time, but no length of time that would strike up questions from him. She'd made good on her word to show him around town. She'd taken him to shops and shown him the bookstore, where a reluctant Damon worked and watched with <em>envious <em>eyes.

They'd talked about old times…but _not_ about Damon.

But Damon spent the day losing his mind in that book store and _out_. She'd told him he couldn't go with them. But how could she think he could just be _alone_ with this…with _these_ thoughts? He needed to know. He needed to link himself to Elena and _beg_ her. He needed to prove to her that she could trust him enough to _talk_ about it without making jabs or crazy assumptions. This was _bigger_ than anything. It was bigger than the bookstore, bigger than their parents' love affair…bigger than _anything_ that had happened with them. But did she _get_ that?

He wasn't so sure. She'd _told _him. She could've kept it inside until she knew. She could've yelled and screamed and thrown things at him…she could've blamed _him_…but she hadn't. She hadn't looked angry…just scared and unsure. What she _didn't_ know was that she didn't _have _to be. He wasn't angry at all.

He'd gone to work, but with reluctance. Elena insisted she needed the entire day with Elijah and he didn't exactly have back up staff. He was too afraid to suggest she take it easy. Trying to suggest anything to her that involved her losing control of a situation _never_ went over well. He wanted to make her happy, but _he_ needed to be with her. Elijah was a _nice_ guy, it seemed. But he wasn't the one who should be by her side when she was going through _this_. He wasn't the father. And now Elijah would be staying at her place and Damon would be _alone_.

He'd slept alone in his apartment for over a year…since he'd ended his engagement with Katherine and they'd moved out of the home they'd bought. It had _never_ been a problem. But _he_ was the one afraid now. Something would happen to her, he thought…or Elijah would be there to help her and he wouldn't…. he was _jealous_, _envious_…he could admit that.

From the very second that word had left her lips, _pregnant,_ he was in it. This baby…this little _him_ or tiny _her_ would be a _blessing_. The timing was all wrong, and the circumstances were _ridiculous_…but if they'd created a _life_ he would be _happy_. He loved this potential baby.

So he'd gone to the drug store after closing up the store early, and bought her a pregnancy test. He _knew_ it would sit unopened in her cabinet that night, but the closer it was to her, the easier it would be to convince her. She didn't have to do _anything_…just pee on a stick for God's sake…

The sun had set and Elijah crawled into her guest bedroom for the night. Elena stared at her crackers, willing herself to eat them…eat _something_…and then she'd heard it; an incessant banging on her front door.

"You silenced your phone?" he looked like a crazy man. "I thought it _died_, I thought you were in trouble….Jesus, Elena….I was worried sick. You can't just…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about this anymore today. I had a _good_ day. Now let me be nauseous and cranky and you go home. It's _late_. You shouldn't be all riled up like this over me."

"Well, I _am,_ okay? I'm not leaving until we know," he sipped his water. "You can't just tell me you think you're carrying my child and then that's it. You need to _know_. _I _need to know. You need to take _care_ of yourself,"

"Let me sleep," she pled. "Go home."

"Can I just stay here…. Let me just stay a few hours. I'll sleep in the hallway if I have to…" Anything, anything to be by _them_.

* * *

><p>And there they were pressed against the foot of her bed...hours later, finishing the conversation that had started so many hours ago.<p>

He blinked a few times. "I'm going crazy. Why won't you take the test?"

"Because we haven't even talked about _us_," she was tired and weary and didn't care if she sounded weak in that moment. "I can't know I'm pregnant and feel like _this_…" Tears were in her eyes and her voice was shaking now. She was about to unravel.

"It's okay to feel afraid, Elena," he reached across to move some hair out of her face. "I wouldn't expect you to be dancing around celebrating."

"There are so many things wrong with us, Damon," she shook her head. "I just want to look at you and not feel _anything_…." She admitted.

It stung. It hit him hard, at first. But then he read between the lines. She hadn't admitted to feeling _anything_ before…bad feelings were better than nothing. It meant she still _cared_. His eyebrows crumpled at her words and he looked down. She was right. There was so much bad between them, still. The light moments they'd experienced in the last week had been a nice change of pace…but he hadn't known she'd left the room to throw up or cry….

He'd seen little changes in her. She smiled more, and teased him more. Something had changed…but he wasn't sure why. He was too afraid to ask.

Elena hadn't worked up the courage to tell him she'd read it. The Little Red Dragon had sparked too many emotions inside of her already hormonal body. She needed _days_ to process her actual thoughts. When she finally had, she was faced with a completely _new_ situation that was even _harder. _

"What _do_ you feel?" he had to ask. He didn't expect to get reamed out, but her tough little body had been pushed to the limits and her heart was about to combust. He forgave her and she _knew_ it…but if she said anything _now_…now that there was _this_…he'd think it was just because she was pregnant. He'd see it as an obligation on her part. "You said you wanted us to be friends."

"I _do_…." She swallowed. "This version of you is _kind_ and nice and…not at _all_ the way my crazy teenage head thought you were….but I _can't_ change how this all happened. And I can't change the fact that no matter what I did, I _loved _you. No matter how hard I tried back then, I couldn't force you out of my head. Everything about you made me _sad_. I'm _angry_ because of it," she started. His eyes dug into her, hanging on every single word she said. "I _want_ to be friends, but I'm still harboring _so_ much from back then. My head has never processed things easily…especially not things that nearly _killed_ me."

"Just let it all go…we can be friends…we can _do_ this baby thing. Are you still angry with me? For breaking us up…for pushing you so hard?" It was a stupid question. Of _course_ she was.

"You have to understand what this is like for me…." She continued. Her voice was raspy, dry. He handed her a bottle of water with pleading eyes. After a moment, she'd taken a sip. "I have spent the last ten years avoiding you because I thought you didn't care about me anymore. I come home when our parents _die_, and whatever does or does not still exist between us is already a problem. Now I might be _pregnant_ with your baby…a man who I _destroyed_ my life over…" Now the bitterness was surfacing.

How could he _begin_ to tell her how wrong she was? Maybe he'd have been blunt if she had been in a normal state of mind and it wasn't 2 in the morning. But now any word he said could _break_ her in a heartbeat. She'd actually brought up _emotions_…he couldn't ruin this…not when it was so rare….

"I didn't want you to…" he swallowed. "I _never_ wanted you to get hurt. I was trying to help you. It went all wrong….we were _kids_…Elena. I was _afraid_…"

"Don't you see how _crazy_ this all is, Damon? Ilost my god damn _mind_ because you didn't love me. I drank, I had sex with random men…I almost did _cocaine…_I _went _to _jail. _I'm lucky to be alive._" _Damon closed his eyes. "And it was all because you didn't love me. Do you know how unhealthy that is? You were my _disease_. Do you _know_ what I had to overcome to get over you? I worked _hard_….and then you go and fuck me four times in one night and I'm knocked up and stuck all over again…with a man who doesn't love me…."

Wrong again.

But he couldn't say it. She was angry and tired and _sick._ He wanted to hold her…to wrap her in his arms and let her cry and sob and scream at him. Maybe she had the _right_…but she'd begged him to sleep with her the night of the burial… and he'd said no so many times. He didn't want to say no anymore. He wanted her and he could have her. So he did. And now there was _this_.

"Lena, honey…." He reached out to touch her hand but she pulled it away. "Calm down it's not good for the baby…" His eyes were soft, they held _affection_.

"I'm _tired_. I'm _so_ tired, Damon. Please don't look at me that way. Please…"

"How _can't_ I?" the tips of his fingers snuck on her hand again, resting there as it was balled into a tight fist. "You're _miserable_…that makes _me_ feel miserable. _I_ did this to you."

"Don't be sweet to me. Don't call me honey or baby or 'Lena… we are _not_ there. And I'm too worn out to be having any kind of conversation with you like _this_. I'm not taking the test tonight. I'm waiting….I told you my reasons and I'd like for you to just respect them."

"You went around with Elijah all day. You weren't too tired to spend time with him," he had to say it quickly. He was biting his tongue about so many _other_ things at the moment. Jealousy. "But you're too tired to take a three minute test with _me_…."

"He doesn't make me feel bad," she swallowed. "And why should _you_ care anyway?"

"Because _I_ wanted to be with you all day. I've never been more _alone_ than _today_. You just told me this morning that you might be carrying my child…I_…" _he smiled in agony, "ever since that moment…I can't stop thinking about what it would be like…"

Elena's eyes dipped. She was confused. "Why? You _want_ this….? Why would you want a baby with me when you don't want _me?" _

Couldn't he just answer the question? No….

"I know you went through a lot in those ten years…but I did too. I hurt _too_." He smiled sadly. "I dealt with it in different ways than you. But I never stopped hurting. Not really. I'm _still_ hurting…but I want to be _done._"

"You were going to _marry_ someone _else_," she reminded him. "You were happy. _That's_ the kind of situation you have babies in. _Not ours_. Ours is a screw up. I forgot to take medicine…we'd never be having a baby if…."

"I wasn't happy with her," he swallowed, interrupting. This was going to be big. He _needed_ to breathe.

"I saw you. You _were_." His eyes had _smiled_ at Katherine. And they'd looked at Elena with complete and utter sadness and regret. He'd looked at her as if she was _dead_.

"You saw the beginning. _I _saw the end. I failed. I was a great fiancé…but I would've been a _terrible_ husband. I never wanted kids with her, Elena. I never wanted _her_…" he swallowed back the emotions that were threatening to wash over him.

He'd never forget that day he saw her for the first time in 8 years. It hadn't happened in an ideal circumstance, hadn't been a Hollywood moment where they'd bumped into each other randomly at the coffeehouse. Elena had come _home_ for her mother. Miranda was diagnosed with breast cancer when four years before. Elena hadn't bothered to come home _then _and it had gone away…but suddenly life came to a screeching halt when it came _back._

* * *

><p>"I'm here to see Miranda Salvatore," she said, her voice shaky. She hadn't spoken her mother's name since it had changed. It sounded <em>terrible<em> coming off her lips. It tasted _bad_. Elena had beaten her demons. She had faced the fact that she'd been a bad daughter for too long… she could've lost her mother four years prior and she would've missed it all because she was too wrapped up in avoiding _him_.

She was stronger, now. She _knew_ he would be there, but she couldn't _care_ about that. She couldn't let _him_ be the reason she stayed away from her family. She'd practically disowned them the minute Miranda walked in on them in bed… but the thought of really _losing_ her mother…losing any chance of reconciliation was too devastating and scarring to risk.

She'd walked into her mother's hospital room to see she was asleep. No one was there. They'd all gone for lunch in the cafeteria. No one _expected_ her to come. Her dad had sent a text message telling her, but she'd never responded. He may have lost his wife in a terrible divorce, but he'd always still _love_ her…and this cancer that ate away at _her_ ate away at _him_.

She'd sat down next to her mother's bed. Miranda looked _tired_. _Really _tired. Not the kind of tired when she was a kid and she'd spent the day running around after her. Not the kind of tired like after you've had a really, really long day. She looked _dead_ tired…like she was ready to just _give up_.

"Mom," she swallowed, tears rolling. "I'm here mom. I can't…I love _you_, Mom…" the words weren't coming now, just the tears. Her throat was hot and thick and she was _so_ full of regrets. How could she have _done_ this? How could she have let a _man_ come between her _family_? A man who didn't _want_ her… a man who was a _part_ of that family….

The door had opened and in walked Damon, smiling and laughing. She caught the side of his face. His eyes were oceans and she nearly drowned because he wasn't staring at _her_. He was staring at someone else…and she was holding his hand.

The lopsided, familiar smile faded from his lips the moment he saw her. His breath caught in his throat and he let out a small, almost silent gasp. His lips meant to move and his mouth meant to say 'hello' but instead fall he could do was say her name.

"Elena," it rolled off his lips like a sweet melody. She was there…in front of him, holding her mother's hand. Katherine's hand squeezed his tightly, sending a reminder that she was still there. She knew she was his stepsister...but she didn't know the toxicity that flowed through her boyfriend's veins because of her.

Her eyes were frozen on his girlfriend. Brown hair, brown eyes…it _hurt_…but she wouldn't admit it. Eight years had come and gone without any means of communication between them. She wasn't going to let him or _them_ walk in here and make her regress. She hated how she felt when she saw the woman smile at him. She was too toothy and too fake. But Damon must not have thought so. He laughed at her _stupid_ comments and Elena saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye. He looked mesmerized.

It wasn't like she hadn't seen him with women before. He'd dated Andie before her, and he'd smiled and done all the required boyfriend business, but it was never so deliberate. Those smiles felt like attacks. Those laughs deafened her. They would echo in her ears and remind her how she wasn't good enough. A random bimbo _bitch_ was…but not _her_.

"You came home," he swallowed. "Mom would be…" and there it was. _Mom_. Not Miranda, not _you_ mom. Just Mom. She _hated_ when he referred to her as that…it made it all too real. "She's glad you're here."

"She hasn't woken up. She doesn't know," her voice sent the butterflies into his system.

"She knows. She knows her baby's home," he was being too sweet and she was being too quiet. It made her _angry_. He couldn't be this way and hold _her_ hand. She was _over_ him. She didn't _care_ what he did or _who_ he did….it wasn't her and that was what mattered. It made all the difference.

She didn't seem so _broken_, he'd noticed…but she wasn't herself. Time had worked its way onto her features, but they had only become more beautiful. She'd lost her innocence so young…but her face was fresh. She was a _woman_ now…not a girl. She'd done and seen things he didn't even _know_…

Katherine cleared her throat. And Damon took a breath. "This is Katherine, my girlfriend…." He smiled, but there was an _emptiness_ in his chest. Elena took a minute to respond. Of course she _knew_ this bitch was his girlfriend….but she didn't need to _hear_ it. He didn't need to rub it in her face.

The stupid part of it all was that she could get mad that _he_ had someone else….but she'd thrown countless, meaningless men in his face all the time back then. Now the air was thick and laced with anger and stress…

"I'm glad you came home for her," he said and she jumped. He was standing behind her at the water fountain and he'd startled her. "She misses you."

"Please don't pretend like we're okay, Damon," she begged. "I haven't been able to come home for eight years because of you…"

"That was _your_ choice. I'm not going to just stop living so you can come home. I'm not going to give up this book store so you can have it one day. You can hate me all you want, Elena, but the facts are always going to be the same. We're _family_. Your came home for your family."

"Everyone has a family member they wish they didn't have," she shrugged coldly and she mouthed "you."

"You're in there somewhere, Elena….but I just can't _see_ you anymore…" he shook his head bitterly and walked away.

"Have a nice _life_," she bit out and walked out of the hospital door.

* * *

><p>He was done, he told himself. No more wishing, no more pining. He had a woman who loved him at home. <em>She<em> wanted him. _She _needed him. _She _didn't look at him like he was the complete end of her entire world. He needed to realize what he had and what he'd _never_ have. At that point, when he was so far gone…it didn't _matter_ who it was. As long as it stopped him from wanting _Elena_. Eight years was just too long to wait.

And he didn't….

Miranda would heal again…she'd die in that car accident before the cancer could take her away… Elena would never see her mother alive again. She hadn't woken up the entire visit. She was convinced her mother would _die_ not knowing she loved her. She'd die thinking she'd failed as a mother…and Elena couldn't let go of the repercussions of _that_ decision.

But she couldn't bring herself to try again. She never called her mother...she chose wrong.

Elena wouldn't see _him _again, either, until their parents died….but she would leave her mark.

* * *

><p>She'd looked at her phone a few months after she'd gone to Mystic Falls. Her head was still heavy, but she was pushing through…<p>

"DAMON'S GETTING MARRIED" Her Dad had sent her the text two days ago but she still found herself scrolling through her messages to find it. It _mattered_. She didn't want it to, and she'd nearly thrown her phone out her fifth floor apartment window when she'd seen it the first time, but it _hurt_.

He'd spent so much time just trying to be her brother, her friend, that he had completely missed the boat regarding what _she_ wanted. She was a _kid_ when they dated and when they broke up. She'd made irrational, life-altering decisions because of a teenage romance gone wrong, she told herself. But as time passed and she continued to _heal_, she realized just why she'd acted out so badly.

She'd finally known something she wanted and then suddenly it was gone. Her parents' marriage was gone. Damon was gone. Mystic Falls was gone. And because of it _she_ was gone….

Damon was getting married to someone else. It was done. She didn't have to think about it anymore.

They'd set their wedding date for a little less than a year after they'd gotten engaged. Damon would be 27 a few months after he got married. He had to pick a best man, and the one man he would've picked only made it hurt _worse. _John. So instead he picked Mason. They had an awkward friendship after the Elena mishap, but there was an understanding that it was just that _a mishap_. It shouldn't have anything to do with him marrying _Katherine_ or having his college buddy stand up for him…

Everything was fine until John walked up to him a month before the wedding. "Got a text from Elena…" he paused. He knew Damon's reaction would be epic, so he waited.

"Really?" He frowned. "At least she talks to you."

"Yeah…I felt like I had to tell you but I'm not really sure how you want to take it. It said "TELL DAMON CONGRATS FROM HIS SISTER."

"I'm pretty sure that was sarcastic," Damon cringed. "But at least she cared enough to say anything at all…I thought she'd never talk to me again."

"Damon…" he inhaled slowly. Broken records ran in the family.

"What?" He smiled. "I'm _fine_," he touched his shoulder. "Look at me, Pa. I'm _fine_. I'm marrying Katherine next month and everything will just be _over."_

But that text scared the shit out of him. It _rattled_ him. She hadn't tried to say _anything_ to him in eight years, aside from their small, terrible conversation at the hospital. It was like she was twisting the knife. Did she _want_ to still hurt him? What was the point? And _how_ could it _still_ hurt so badly after _eight_ years?

"Are you sure about this Katherine thing?" Mason asked. "I support you…but I was looking for a pen the other day, and I saw them, Damon. The fact that I saw pictures of Elena lying around under your keyboard leads me to believe something else is going on…"

"Nothing is. Those are old," he shrugged. "I forgot about them." He lied.

* * *

><p>He'd written his book when he was 22, but it hadn't been published until he was 26. The minute he found out Elena had been in jail his brain started working. He needed this. It was a sort of <em>therapy<em>. His little friend meant so much more than she knew…and though she'd probably never read it, he needed to document just how much she meant to him. He needed to keep it for himself.

Katherine had seen him sitting up for hours while he was finalizing it. He'd type away this 'nonsense' story, as she called it. She didn't _get_ it. She didn't get the symbolism, at first.

Elena _was_ his Little Red Dragon. He knew the beginning and he'd written it so many years ago… but he'd waited until he was 26 to finish it. He needed an ending; a _good_ one. And an ending had come to him after he'd seen _her_ again. It was a dreamer kind of an ending…one where everyone gets along and the hurting stops. He didn't believe it would happen in real life…so the Dragon and the Knight were the best he could do.

Suddenly he was in complete and utter 'beast' mode. He panicked when he'd seen her with her mom, and he'd doubly panicked with that text. It was an awful reminder of the life he'd never live but that he'd been stupidly and selfishly hanging onto for _years. _He'd been a mess for days afterward…freaking out about absolutely nothing. Little things, _stupid_ things were driving him crazy. The way Katherine set the dinner table, the way she turned the sheets down at night. It was wrong. He couldn't understand why. In the back of his mind _she_ was suddenly just _wrong_.

"Come to bed, Damon," she'd said, tugging at his hand after undressing. "I miss you."

"I'm not tired. I…I have things to do, Kat."

"Come on, sweetie. You've had 'things' going on for a week now. What's the matter? You've been staring at the computer for all hours of the night and then sleeping on the couch for days…"

"I said I'm not tired," he pulled at his hair anxiously. "Give me a break,"

"You're too angry. Something's wrong. Did I do something wrong, Damon? Please, tell me. I _love_ you…we're supposed to be in that stupid bliss stage right now."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong," he sighed. "I'm just…it's nothing." He bit his lip and furrowed his brow. "I love you, too. I'm just…I need to finish my book. I want to send it off to be published…but it's just not _right. _Something's missing. What kind of kid's book ends where the main characters just aren't _friends_ anymore?"

"You finally got an ending?"

"Yeah…_finally_," he sighed. But it would be _theirs_….

* * *

><p>They'd mended it then, but the squabbles happened again and again. Each time, a little piece of Damon was knocked back into place. For reasons he could never admit, he'd begun to realize it just couldn't work. So why did he let it get to the rehearsal dinner?<p>

Katherine got it eventually, the meaning of the Little Red Dragon… but not until the wedding was called off…She understood that the characters in his book were more than made up creatures. They were his life. And that book's ending would be the end of _her_ life, her _story_ with Damon…..because the knight forgave his dragon….

On the night before the wedding…after they'd gone through the rundowns and were at the rehearsal dinner,_ it_ happened. Mason stood up to do a toast rundown, different text to keep the element of surprise, and the world _unfolded_.

"On this good night, we celebrate with my dear friend and college roommate and his lovely bride to be. Damon is a man of _decisions_. Its something great about him…something I envy. He and I have had our ups and downs through the years, but I've always known him to be a man of his word….And he's chosen one woman to love his entire life…this _one_ woman…" His words were fading and Damon's eyes were suddenly locked in the crowd.

Sitting at the table directly in front of his was John. An empty seat was next to him with a place card that read ELENA GILBERT. He'd invited her…but he knew she wouldn't show. He'd later find out John never even told her….he didn't want to _ruin_ Damon's wedding…

But now, Mason's words were running like wildfire out of his mouth, "One woman to love forever and make a life with. Have a _family_…grown _old_…"

Damon could only see John. His eyes…_her_ eyes. They were the same…not in color but in _fire._ John was staring back at him with _serious_ eyes. Eyes a father would give his son. He'd spent so much time _discouraging_ him when it came to Elena…he was trying to protect him from any more pain. Elena reigned with terror and Damon was _always_ the victim.

But John's eyes were _her_ eyes and they were locked in a stare that spoke _volumes_. He was silently begging him to _make sure_ this was what he wanted. Not because he was siding with his little girl at the last minute, but because he genuinely loved _him_. And if he married Katherine, he'd _never_ be his real son…

Katherine was fading and the truth was coming undone. Elena…he wanted _Elena_. He wanted the broken mess in college, the numb girl he'd seen last year…anything, any version…he just wanted _her. _He loved her…and he'd wait forever…even if it was the worst decision of his life.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't marry Katherine. Not when he felt like _this_.. He was about to lose any chance he'd have with her. The woman next to him would be a Salvatore… Elena would _never_ be his wife. Soon Damon's eyes filled with tears and John's became a mirror image. Two _grown_ men crying over the same thing…fighting for the same _broken_, cause. Elena.

"I'm sorry," Damon spoke up, interrupting. "I'm sorry Katherine, I can't…. I can't do this."

Giuseppe frowned and Miranda gasped, but Damon's eyes couldn't look toward them…couldn't _feel_ or _say_ what they had caused in his life. He _loved_ them…but he'd wished, in that moment, that he would've just did what Elena said and chosen _her. _

"WHAT?" She stood up, throwing her napkin down. "This better be a joke. There better be some kind of flashdance about to happen in here or I better be on some awful candid camera show…or this is because of _her_…"

"It's not a joke," he said sadly, loosening his long tie, "_I'm_ the joke."

He'd walked over to John and hugged him tightly. He said _nothing_ but John heard it loud and clear. He still _loved_ her. In that moment he knew, no matter where life took him, _Damon_ would always be _something_.

He'd never live to see the wonder those two people he loved so much would _make_….

* * *

><p>Damon scooted up next to her now, the hostile, pretty women next to him on the floor. He slung his arm around the back of her shoulders and leaned her tired head on his shoulder. She was done fighting for that night. She was tired and <em>drained<em>. It wasn't over, she knew. Once she took that test they'd have to talk about what it meant. They'd have to talk about _them_…_really _talk. All she'd done that night was yell and complain…but she hadn't realized he'd heard the secret words she'd hidden behind her hanger. He'd heard she still _cared_….

"You're _angry_, you're _bitter_, I get it. I hurt you more than I will ever really know, I'm sure. And you hurt me, too…but we can't hurt our _child_ because of it. I'm sure you never saw yourself in this situation…"

"I've spent years being _terrified_ of this situation," she admitted. She _let_ him rest her head against his shoulder. He was warm and _familiar_ and _Damon_. "I've slept with so many men…I can't even count them. Do you know how ashamed I am of that?" He didn't. She'd thrown it around like she'd _wanted_ to do it. But after all this time, she could admit she was wrong.

"Shhh," he tucked hair behind her ear. He wouldn't say 'I told you so' to her tonight.

"I always thought I'd get pregnant one day. I deserve it with the way I act," she yawned. The sleep was settling in. "I just never thought it'd be…."

"Me," he _did_ understand. "The one person you actually _don't_ want to have a baby with. You'd probably _rather_ it be with some stranger who you didn't have a past with, hm?" He stroked her hair gently. It wasn't true in the least, and he knew it. "Or someone you actually like." He swallowed.

"No," she snuggled in. "I'm all fire and brimstone…but it's all smoke and mirrors…it's all _fake_…" she closed her eyes, slowly the truths were leaking, "I'm a bitch to you because it hurts to care and it shouldn't," she was mumbling now. "But the truth is if my potential accidental pregnancy _had_ to come true…I'm glad it was with you. It feels _less_ accidental…I mean, what are the odds? You always said you wouldn't let anyone else do that to me…." And she was asleep, drooling on his shoulder. He'd have left her there for hours, snuggling her in close, holding her tight so she could stay warm…but he thought better of it. She would be sore and achy if she slept on the ground all night. He slowly picked her up in his arms and laid her down in her bed, tucking her under the covers.

"Damon…" she mumbled. "Stay. I'll take the test in the morning."

"Thank you, Lena," he smiled and walked back to resume his spot, sitting with his back against the foot of her bed. But he couldn't sleep well…not after what she'd just said. She still cared about him, he was sure of it.

She hadn't admitted much, not that _she_ loved him or that she missed him. But she'd indicated that she'd felt more than she'd originally pretended to feel. They'd had sex. They'd _probably_ made a baby…and now she needed to take the test and let him _prove_ to her that no matter how bad their past was, no matter how _bat shit_ crazy this situation was… he could love her, love this baby, for the rest of his life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know! We still don't know if she's pregnant….**

**I needed to sneak in Damon's history with Katherine..and their brief meeting when they were younger. It's important to know where Elena's been in her head in terms of Damon in the two years since they'd seen each other. And I needed to share just **_**why**_** Damon knew he couldn't marry Katherine. His moment with John was so raw in my head…the love they have as an almost father and son, both grieving for the same lost cause that was Elena….**

**It makes their death so much more tragic. Thank you for reading. I might have some gaps between updates because my work schedule is crazy this week. But I'm so fired up for this and will do my best to work on it because I love doing it so much. **


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm sneaking in an update even with my crazy schedule, but I'm positive there will be a bigger gap before the next one. Not too long, though…**

**This is a very defining, emotional chapter. It takes place mostly in the present, with one reference to a past scene. I've done this on purpose. It's the first time we haven't had a major flashback…but there's good reason. This chapter is all about who they are to each other _now_, regardless of and in _spite_ of who they used to be. They need this and I needed this for them, so I did it.**

**Really…this one is big. So I would truly, honestly appreciate feedback. I've been getting great feedback and I really am grateful. But this one is particularly big in its own way…even if it's not THE chapter we're all waiting for.**

**Thank you.**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 10**

"You know what I like about nights like tonight?" a seventeen year old Elena crashed onto Damon's bed. He'd just gotten home from seeing Rebekah at college for the first time. "_This_," she pointed between us. "The feeling I get when you've been gone for a really long time and you come home." She kicked off her shoes and crawled under her best friend's covers.

She'd been sneaking into his room to snuggle with her best friend for weeks. Something about just being with him was _right_. But she knew she was wrong…she knew Rebekah would be upset if she ever found out. But she had nothing to worry about, really…Damon didn't love _her_…she thought.

"Oh yeah?" He smiled, sneaking under the covers next to her, still fully clothed.

"Yeah…when you're gone and something really _big_ happens…I just start thinking about how much I want to tell you…and then I start thinking about how much I wish you'd been there for it._"_

Damon propped his head up on the pillow, his elbow leaving an indentation. "So basically, what you're saying is, you miss me," he pushed in her nose. She was giving him that _feeling_ again. His eyes found her pretty lips and he squandered the sudden want for her that was creeping up inside of him. He couldn't have those lips again. He couldn't be in a _bed_ with her for much longer...she had to stop coming over and _torturing_ him like this...

"I _always_ miss you," she pulled away, blocking her nose. "Ow, that _hurt,"_ she squeaked loudly. "Quit it."

"Shhh, they're going to realize you're in here if you don't keep it down." He pressed his hand to her mouth and felt her soft lips against his hand. Heaven.

"Who _cares _if I sleep in here? It's not like we're _doing_ anything. You have a girlfriend," she reminded him.

"Yeah, well tell your Dad that," he pointed out. "Girlfriend or no girlfriend, I'm still a guy and you've _still_ been sneaking into my room several nights a week. Don't you think they'll catch on one day? Think of _that_ awkward conversation..."

"No, they leave too early for the book store," she teased. "If there's _anyone_ to worry about it's _Rebekah_…you know, your _girlfriend_," she smiled. "Pretty sure she wouldn't like how close to me you are right now. Close enough your morning breath might kill me tomorrow," she pouted, teasingly.

"I don't care what she thinks really," he smiled. "You're right. Nights like these are perfect. Laughing...laying like this, talking to you after being away for days at a time. It's nights like these I realize how much _ I _miss _you_, too…" Damon smiled and pulled her closer to him. She nuzzled into his neck and closed her eyes.

An unexplainable, but _certain_ peace existed in those moments. Seconds, minutes that would stand the test of time…would outlive the storm to be _remembered_….

* * *

><p>Damon sat on the ledge of the bathtub, elbows on his knees, index fingers digging into the corners of his eyes. This was it, the defining moment. His feet tapped nervously on the tile and his fingers clawed into his jeans. He was absolutely <em>nervous<em>.

Elena was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling and _crying_.

"I can't watch this…" she'd said nervously. "I can't be in here. I need to lie down. I'm going to pass out…"

"Go," he smiled sadly. "I will sit in here for three minutes and come out and tell you. Then we'll sit together and work something out….okay?" He put his hands on her shoulders. "It's going to be _okay_. I _promise_ you."

* * *

><p>His heart was racing. Images of moments in his <em>future<em> flew before his eyes, holding his baby…hearing its first words…playing games…._Elena_. She was there every time, not just to drop off the kid for the weekend. She was always with _him_.

This baby was a little miracle, a union of two people who'd loved each other for a lifetime but just _couldn't_. Everything that was so wrong about them being together in his eyes really never _was_. He loved her and that was enough. He just hadn't realized it until it was too late. But he got it now.

He was certain they'd already have two kids, maybe three, if he'd never broken her heart.

But this was _one_…one tiny little baby forming inside the sweet stomach of a woman who'd been the biggest part of his life. For years, Elena was the reason for his emptiness…but these tiny moments since she'd come home had started to fill in the holes….

She wasn't _her_…wasn't his sweet, innocent little twelve year old friend. He'd always love that version of her, but she was gone, he knew. And he was partially to blame for _that_. But she'd killed that version of herself years ago. But this new version, the one he'd slept with…the one who was bawling her eyes out on her bed in the neighboring room…he loved her, too.

He hadn't let himself at first. He was so in love with the girl she _used_ to be. So much so that when he thought about his relationship with Katherine, he'd come to realize he'd never really loved _her_ at all. He'd loved the idea of loving someone who he could _have_. But she wasn't Elena and she never would be.

This new Elena had been a barrier between him and his _old_ Elena, at first. But one day it clicked. She was _nice_ to him. She could _tease_ him and she could bicker with him. She made him _happy_ just by being around. He'd found little reasons to follow her around, _be_ with her. She hadn't seemed _too_ annoyed, but she'd definitely noticed he was around more than he was _away_.

And now this. He'd never thought he'd find out he was going to be a father by watching the stick himself. But if this was what it _took_, he'd do it. She was falling to pieces in the other room. He wanted to go out there and pull her into him and _love_ her…but she wasn't _there_ yet, in her head. He wasn't sure she ever would be…and while that _scared_ him, he accepted it. He would love her. He would wait for her. And one day, when she held their tiny little baby, she'd look at _him_ like she remembered, too.

The timer went off and Damon's journey to the sink began. He was grinning from ear to ear the whole way, ready to pick up that stick and be a _daddy_…a daddy to _her_ baby. He never wanted to be a dad to anyone _else's_ child… His eyes focused on the stick and he squinted, holding it up to see the lines. He took a deep breath and frowned, scrambling for the instructions. Two lines. It was supposed to be _two_ lines. So why was there only one? She must've done something wrong...the instructions said there could be errors if it was done wrong…she'd just have to take another one…right?

"No…it's wrong, it's wrong," he whispered, slamming his fist down. "God _Dammit,"_ He looked up in the mirror to see the tears in his eyes. No baby? No tiny toes? No little nose? It was _crazy_. What kind of man _wants_ an accidental pregnancy? _This man_. _Him_. Because it was with her….

It had _nothing_ to do with what the baby would've done for them. He would've loved him or her entirely separate from their situation. This baby wouldn't have been super glue for them. They'd still have needed mending… but it didn't change the fact that he was_ heartbroken_ that it wasn't real.

She _had_ to be pregnant….she _had_ to be...

His eyes threatened to fill with tears. This baby hadn't even entered his radar until 24 hours ago and it had become his entire world. He'd thought of nothing but that little child _since_…and now he'd come to realize it never existed….

She'd be ecstatic, he thought. He'd have to go out there and tell her she _wasn't_ pregnant and she probably _would_ dance around and celebrate…because nothing in her voice or eyes indicated she really _wanted_ this baby. She'd been terrified to take the test because it was going to forever bind her to a man she thought didn't love her…she'd said she'd be 'stuck.'

He didn't _like_ that. She wouldn't be _stuck_ anywhere with him. If she wanted to go he couldn't stop her, but….

No, he didn't want her to go. He didn't want her to see this as the final straw, a chance to really get away and never look back. For three minutes he'd been planning their future. Now a minute had passed since he'd known there was a good possibility that _that_ future _didn't _exist. She wasn't pregnant and he was _devastated_.

No baby. No little outfits. No first words. No _Elena_.

He never thought he'd be _sad_ about something like this. But he _was._ She wasn't just any woman. She was his _everything_. Every single good memory he'd had in his life had involved her…and every single bad… but that was the way love _worked_, he knew. They just hadn't found a balance…

But she'd never let him love her now, he thought. Now that there was no baby, she'd just close back up and _he'd_ be on the receiving end of the 'no' this time…

He turned the knob of the door and stepped quietly into her room. She was face down on her pillow and he found a spot to sit next to her. He placed a palm gently on her back and rubbed from the small of her back upward to her shoulders. She turned her head enough for him to see she'd soaked through her pillow.

"Hey," he whispered. "Lena," he wanted to curl up next to her and let his tears soak the pillow too. But they'd be crying for different reasons, he knew. She'd be happy…he'd be _wrecked_.

"So do we buy the fat pants now or do we wait a few months," her voice quivered. She was trying to be silly…trying to act like this wasn't _terrifying_ her…the idea of them being _three_.

He let his head fall on the pillow next to her, feeling the warm tears soak into his cheeks.

She looked at him with waiting eyes….every moment in her life could change with just one word….

He reached into his jean pocket and pulled out the stick holding it up so she could see. "It's a no," he couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice. "You're not pregnant."

"_What_?" she sat up wildly, "I'm not?" He cringed at the small smile that spread across her lips. It _hurt_. She really hadn't wanted that with him, he thought.

But he didn't know _why_. It wasn't that she didn't want the baby. She'd been more relieved than upset that she wasn't pregnant, at first. She was afraid her little, dirty body couldn't carry a child...not after the life she'd led. She was afraid of what a baby would do to _them_. She was afraid of the _crappy_ mother she saw herself being. And now...she didn't have to be afraid of any of that...

"Not according to this…" she read the devastation in his eyes and it _touched_ her. But then her wheels started turning she nearly went into panic.

Her momentary relief was crushed in a heartbeat.

"What's going through your head? _Talk_ to me, Elena," he was afraid. The look in her eyes shifted and a distant, afraid Elena was starting to sneak out.

"Well if it's not that…if I'm _not_ pregnant, then what the hell is wrong with me?" Her voice broke, her eyes widened. She had always just resorted to thinking she _was_ pregnant. She hadn't had time to worry about what else it could be. "I've been throwing up for over a week, I can't eat, I'm dizzy...my body is _not right_."

"It's probably the flu or something, like you said," She sat on that bed, fiddling with the threads on her afghan. She was starting to break.

She shook her head and bit her lip, "I'm two weeks late, Damon." _Now_ she was scared. "What's the _matter_ with me?"

"Two weeks? Elena…" he frowned. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he squeezed his forehead with his hands. He didn't want to be upset with her right now. She didn't need that. She needed support. He could tell by the weak look in her doe eyes. "I want you to go to the doctor."

"I hate doctors," she admitted. "I'm _afraid_ of this…I only go once a year and that's to get my prescription refilled for the year. Otherwise I don't go."

"You don't have to be afraid," he whispered. "They'll _help_ you."

"Yes I do. One of these times I'm going to get checked and they're going to realize something. Suddenly I'll find out I have some disease or cancer or HIV or…don't you understand?" she cried. "I'm a _slut_. I'm dirty…Damon. I've had a _lot _of men and some of them didn't use protection. And I let it happen with you…and now…"

Damon's heart broke. He didn't want to think of Elena with so many men. If he'd just…if they'd never broken up, he'd have been her _only_ one, he knew. He'd never, _ever,_ have let her go. Now she lived in a world of _fear_ and he had no idea _what_ to say to that…

He cared that she was hurting but he _didn't _judge her on it _now_. What was the point? He could't go back and rip her out of those men's beds…he'd _tried_…and _that_ definitely hadn't worked. So these thoughts bothered him but they didn't _matter_. She wasn't a slut. She was an angry, hurt woman who'd let herself get twisted up in hundreds of men to get _one_ man out of her head. _Him_. He wasn't angry with her…just disappointed and _afraid_. He couldn't lose her…

"That's _over_. And you're not a _slut_, Elena." He swallowed. She wasn't. She was just way, way far gone back then, he knew. The little girl he'd grown up with had protected her body, taken care of herself. She'd never have done this if she hadn't _lost her mind. _

"Do you know how many men I've slept with?" she bunched her knees up, resting her chin on her knees. "In six years I've probably slept with 200 men, Damon. I'm not exaggerating. Some once, some twice…but never more than three times. Business men who came into the bar, college students, random guys I met at a party…_anyone_ who could make the pain go away for a little while…" His stomach bottomed out._ This hurt_.

"200 men and none of them ever got me pregnant. We used protection, most of the time, but there were enough that something could've happened… and now…" tears rolled down her face. "I've had 200 men and you've had four women…" she frowned. "That makes me_ feel_ like a slut."

"Four?" He crinkled up his nose. "No, not four."

"Yes, four," she shook her head. "Rebekah, Andie, Katherine…me…am I missing someone?"

"_Andie_?" a look of confusion spread across his handsome face. "What are you talking about?"

"You dated Andie. In college. I saw you with her _all the time_. I just assumed you were sleeping with her…the way she was hanging all over you. The first time I saw you her and Mason you were talking about chicken and…"

"I _never_ dated Andie, Elena. She was my friend. We hung out, yeah…but she was just a friend. I missed _friends_. I didn't have many…and none of them compared to what I used to have with you."

"This whole time I thought…" she frowned. Some of her desperation had been fueled by jealousy from a misunderstanding….ugh…

"I never dated anyone in New York. I was too busy worrying about _you_…" He explained.

"I'm…sorry…" she said. She didn't give an explanation about what part she was sorry for, but he understood. It was a general apology that would be elaborated on at a later time, when tears weren't flowing for a baby that didn't exist.

"And none of the others, not even _Katherine_, ever had me like _that_… with nothing between us...just _bare_. So I'm sorry, too. I should've worn a condom. I shouldn't have just done that to you over and over again without one. This isn't the right time to go into why I did or what that night meant, but we _do_ need to talk about that. Right now we need to take care of you. Or…_you_ need to take care of you…and I'd like be there with you if you'd let me."

A small sound came out of her mouth as she sighed. He was letting her take care of herself…

"I think I would've been a bad mom, anyway…I didn't even know how to love my own mother…how could I raise a baby?"

"You're so wrong about that, no offense," he smiled lightly. "You loved her and you would be an _amazing mom. _And someday, I think you will be…when it's right."

With him? She wondered. Is that what he meant, or was it just another general statement that he used to back pedal when he'd said something that crossed the line? She wasn't sure.

"I'm too much of a mess to be a mom…I think I'd be one by now if it was going to happen."

"If it's meant to happen it will. But don't go rushing around claiming it would be a bad thing if it _did_ happen. I see you with those kids at the store. You're wonderful….and your Mom…don't think we didn't have conversations when you went back to New York…okay?"

"You talked about me?" She bit her lip. Was it a good or bad thing?

"She died in that car accident…but she _knew_ you were there to see her long before that. She knew you were sorry, that you loved her. She was _free_ when she died. They all were…" he paused. That was enough heavy conversation for now. The air was already so tight….

"I'll go with you, to the doctor," he swallowed, changing the subject. "You don't have to be alone with whatever this is…or _anything_. I'm not going anywhere, if you don't want me to. We're all each other has now…"

He wasn't pushing it. He knew she needed space, _options_.

Those words scared her and freed her at the same time. She'd been waiting forever to hear him say them…but it was years later and things were different, _ruined_… somehow they still sounded just as amazing as she always knew they would.

"_Why?_ I'm not anything to you now. There's no baby, you're not _obligated_...we're business partners."

"You're right, I'm _not_ obligated. But I _want_ to go with you. I'm scared for you, too…I _need_ to know you're okay…" his fingers slowly crept over to her hand. He was surprised when she was the one who tightened her grip on _him_. That hadn't happened before.

Her heart was breaking. For a small second she _had_ wanted that baby to be real. She'd never shown it, never admitted anything but absolute fear to him…but when her eyes started to water she knew he could read her as well as he'd always been able to.

He'd _always_ known her…every part of her…even the scary, bad parts. Even the hollow, bitter, _bitchy_ parts. And he'd never once abandoned _her_, like she'd always said he had. He'd pled with her, he'd _begged_ her. She'd been the one to force him away. The only thing he'd abandoned was the pain she was causing him…

"You're not just my business partner, Lena," he stared in her eyes and he felt her hand tighten _again_. He continued. Hand squeezes were _everything_…"You know that, _right?_" she swallowed and looked at their hands and away from his gorgeous, distracting eyes. She let him continue without nodding, without _breathing._ "Baby or no baby….I'm not done _here_," he swallowed, pointing between them. "I'm not done with _us_. I'm not sure where we're going, Elena…but I think we're going _somewhere, _somehow. Do you?"

"Yes," she answered seriously. Her quick answer surprised him, but he didn't allow himself to think about it too much. He had things to say and he needed to say them quickly, _too_, before he lost the courage.

"And to be honest I _am_ walking on eggshells about everything around you because I'm terrified you're going to shut off again…" he inhaled slowly and watched the change in her eyes. "We're a lifetime away from what we had…but it doesn't mean we have to have _nothing…"_

Her eyebrows dipped and her breath caught for a moment. She was afraid if she said anything, it would come out as a massive _sob_. He was doing it again. He was looking at her like _that. _He was reminding her of all the things she _loved_ about him through the years…and more. He'd made her lose her mind, yes. But that feeling of _love_ had stayed, in some way shape or form, in the back of her head the entire time. Now it was personified.

Sweet Damon, _her_ Damon wasn't just a memory anymore. He was in front of her, holding her hand, and saying things that threatened to melt the ice that had thickened between them throughout their estrangement.

She'd understood from the moment he'd heard she might be pregnant that he wanted that baby. He'd never actually elaborated on _why_, but she thought she knew. It would've been crazy and wild and terribly timed…it was an accident…but it would've been so much more, she knew. That little baby would've sucked all the bad away, it would've had the best characteristics of both of them…it would've humanized the amazing love that once lived between them. That baby would've been _their_ love.

The baby wasn't real….

But Damon wasn't gone in the blink of an eye like any other random man with a pregnancy scare would've been. He hadn't danced and sang and celebrated. When there was suddenly no baby, there was still _them_. There were still _feelings_. They hadn't sprung to life from a sudden obligation. Maybe they'd never really _left_. Reading his book had raised them to the surface, slamming these feelings back inside of her hard and fast….

She hadn't expected that. Those semi-tender admissions the night before, when she'd been so tired and so weak and afraid hadn't just happened because they were supposed to share a union. Those feelings were still _there_…she still wanted to _fix_ _them_…even if it was just for _them_ and not for a baby.

Now her stomach was flipping again, as it had when she'd seen him for the first time in two years, at the funeral.

* * *

><p>It had been cold, windy. He'd walked out of his car <em>alone<em>. She'd heard from John that he hadn't gotten married…but it was still a _shock_. There was no ring on his finger when he walked up to Giuseppe's casket. He looked sad and scared and alone…and for a second she'd felt sad for him, too, knowing he'd lost the very last of his family. All he had left in terms of family was _her_…and she'd still have done anything to rid herself of that title. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes and her stomach bottomed out. He was gorgeous still…he was single, she knew…and he was looking at her as if she was the only person left in the world that meant _anything_….

She'd acted on that feeling…and look what had happened.

* * *

><p>But long ago, the young, sad naïve Elena hadn't realized the power that existed between them. Before she'd gone off the rails, she'd never had to hurt about much at all. So she'd executed her <em>hurt<em>, her need to feel _pain_ by blaming him. She'd been jealous, mad about everything. She hadn't understood how he could just stop loving her at the drop of a dime. What she didn't know was that he never _did_ _stop_.

"I'd like it if you came with me, "she said slowly, "to the doctor."

"If you're that worried about it, wait awhile. See if you get your period...but don't wait too long. If you're not better in a week and you're _still_ late, we're going."

"The dinner's next week...I can't miss..."

"I'd gladly miss a dinner if it was for a doctor appointment or because you were too sick to go,

"But you're so excited about the book store and talking to the community and..."

"I love that place, yes," he smiled. "But _you're_ more important to me than it will ever be," his words were hitting her wildly, like a ton of bricks. They were _amazing_. She felt the fluttering in her stomach begin to rise.

"I..." but she couldn't respond to _that. _Instead she'd just go on talking about the doctor. It was easier. "I'm sorry if it's bad news…Damon. I think _I_ deserve what I have coming…but you don't. We didn't use protection that night, and now I've hurt you _again_…"

"I have something to tell you," he touched her chin and lined up her face with his eyes so he could stare right into them. He hadn't done that in ages. It felt _good_. "I'm afraid of saying it, but I can admit that," he smiled and swallowed. "When I saw that negative result, I was sad." He admitted. She tried to look down but he brought her chin up again with his fingers lightly to look at her again. "It isn't because I'm so desperate to be a Dad. It isn't because I wanted to have control over you, or to force you back into my life."

"Damon," she stared right into those oceans.

"Please, let me finish," he pled. She nodded. "That baby _wouldn't _have _fixed_ us, Elena. If anything, it would've made things harder, I think. We would've been forced to work together, to get along. If any feelings would've surfaced I would've always wondered if they were real or because of the baby…" he pressed his lips together, wording the next part carefully. "It wasn't for the symbolism or for the fact that it was just always meant to be…I wanted that baby because it was going to be _ours_."

"I…" She looked like she needed to say something. It wouldn't have been bad, and it wouldn't have been epic…but whatever she was going to say couldn't happen before he finished his feelings.

"You don't have to say anything. I know I'm pushing my limits here. I should probably close my mouth and quit while I might still be ahead. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad we're doing _this_ with the book store. I'm glad we're living this life…as fucked up as it is sometimes. And this might come as a bit of a surprise, but I _missed_ you. I missed _us_…any form of us."

"Me too," those two words were earthshattering to Damon. They started to stitch up his weakened, sad heart.

"I am just _so_ glad to be here with you, right now. Even if we're sad and scared and _drained_. In seven weeks, you've gone from my sister and ghost of a friend, to my one night lover, to my business partner, to my friend, to the potential mother of my baby to…_this_…"

"What's this?" she asked nervously, her cheeks turning pink.

"I don't know," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand was _warm_. "But I'd like it if we could try to find out. Slowly, with time…"

"Okay," she nodded sweetly, enjoying the warmth.

There wasn't anything sexual about the moment. There were no indications that love was going to be involved…or that it wasn't. There was simply a _new_ Damon and Elena…a new version of the old. These two adults had been through hell and worse, together and apart. They'd held every title that they possibly _could_…except parents.

But now they were just Damon and Elena. Their names could be uttered together and the earth _wasn't_ going to split in two.

And that was enough.

"You know…its _crazy_," he said, laying his head back down on her pillow. She turned back to look over her shoulder at him. His hands were folded behind his head and he looked vindicated…for just a moment…

"What is? That we're not pregnant? That I might be sick…that we're _here_ twenty years later and nothing's the same?"

"The power of parenthood," he sighed. "Everything between us happened because of our parents. We became friends. We became _more_ than friends because of_ their_ business. We _broke up_ because of our parents…we had _sex_ because our parents died. They're gone and now nothing will ever be _because_ of them again." He frowned, but stopped the second he felt her lay down next to him and rest her head on the crease of his right elbow. "It's just…weird."

This was _right_. This feeling of lying with her calmly and doing absolutely _nothing_. This moment was better than the crazy, drunken, partially _angry_ sex they'd had almost two months ago. In _this_ moment, she wasn't pretending. She was completely and utterly _Elena. _

"So everything, from here on out, depends on us." She smiled. "We can be ourselves now. We can beat whatever is out there and whatever is inside of me….and we can make something of that book store. Everything we do will be because of _us_." She sounded hopeful for the first time in a long time.

It was because of him. She'd gone from excited that she wasn't pregnant to _heartbroken_ about it the minute she'd realized how _he_ felt. It wasn't that she'd never wanted the baby. She'd just been afraid of hurting him again…

"I want to talk to you, one day…really talk." He suggested gently.

"I know," she smiled. "But not today, okay? Right now I just want to lie here like this… like old times when _nothing _could hurt us. Just for now, Damon. I want to forget everything bad that's happened in the last 24 hours…I need to. I can't let something like that hurt me…"

"You won't. You're _strong,_ Elena. I know I barely know this version of you, but I know you're strong now…I like it."

"You're wrong," she whispered, her hand reaching out to rest in his again. For a millisecond he was afraid the ice princess was about to come back and take away _this_ Elena. But then she smiled sweetly and placed her hand in his again, slowly.

"You know me," she smiled at him, sweetly. "You _always_ have."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Whew. *Sad* I didn't want to do it…but I had to. I wanted that baby, too, I think. But Elena needs this scare…she needs to realize what she wants in life. She has to realize Damon is still important to her and that it has nothing to DO with obligation. Thank you for reading and for your thoughts. I'd love to hear reactions on what you think is going on with her. Look for clues and indications! They're in there somewhere. I know I can't wait to write that chapter. :-) **

**The next chapter MAY possibly be the doctor appointment, but I might sneak one in between. I'm planning a funeral/burial flashback as well. We're creeping up to the BIG NIGHT, so hang on tight!**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: We've got a sneak in chapter again…but it was important. If I had an outline of how this story goes, I'd have edited a thousand times by now just to stick in these little, but significant moments. But real life is like that…sometimes things happen in the strangest, little ways. It's that way in their world, too, so bear with them :-) And me, pretty please? :-) **

**Thanks for all the feedback. I really appreciate it! Please let me know what you think by reviewing! **

**This chapter has a mini flashback to a few days before, but is mostly a present chapter again. It is mostly dialogue...that's the key to this one. **

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know <strong>

**Chapter 11**

"So I'm thinking green on _this_ wall," Elena patted it gently, "And like a yellow or something over there…" she squinted, "or maybe cream…yeah, I like cream…" She bit her lip and nodded. Yep, definitely cream.

Damon shook his head and smiled. She'd been talking about colors for the last two hours. _What_ colors, what _shade _of colors….things he couldn't even see a _difference_ between. And he wasn't sure how, but he'd almost forgotten _why_ she was going so crazy about it. He'd told her they'd paint that day. Their little bookstore was about to get a face lift before.

"I think you're too worried about interior design right now," he laughed for a moment without looking at her. His eyes focused in on the papers in front of him. Numbers and statistics were blurring together as he was losing concentration. "We need to go over some of the notes for the dinner. Our speech and whatnot…" he raised his eyebrows. "Some of our main points…" His heart slowed as he saw their sales had dropped in the two weeks. He needed to get serious…he needed to concentrate, eliminate distractions. And she needed to help him…because lately, _she_ was the distraction.

He'd wanted to help her and spend so much extra time with her in the last few weeks that they'd closed a few early hours some days and made the decision to stay closed all day on Sundays. He was glad he'd done it, but now he had some big fish to fry. He had to turn this place into his _dream_ with less money. And what it the early closing _hadn't_ been the reason they'd done worse? They couldn't _fail_…

"That's fine, I have energy. We could make a night of it." She shrugged, sipping her white soda and cringing. It didn't feel so good going down.

"There isn't time for that today. You know that. We have actual work here." He looked down at his notes. He'd edited his speech so many times it was almost completely different than when it started.

"I thought you said I could pick the colors today," she frowned, the moisture appearing in her eyes. "You don't have to be so mean about it."

"We can't," he didn't look up.

"Aw, come on." Her voice was starting to go…but he didn't notice at first. He didn't _think_ he was being a jerk…

"You _come on_," he smiled and looked up.

Were those tears? Was she seriously _crying_ over this?

His smile faded quickly and he walked over to her. "What's with the puppy dog eyes? That's not even fair right now." He shook his head. "It's _decorating_. It's not the end of the world if you can't do it today, right?" He tried to be gentle, but he didn't know what to do or what to say….

"I wanted the pictures, and I wanted to have it done so we could show them at the dinner. It's _for_ the dinner…." She tried not to her little drops fall. She _hated_ this…feeling pitiful and sick. She'd been trying to convince him she felt better…but she couldn't even convince herself. She knew what it meant. She'd need to make that doctor appointment sooner than later. That _alone_ was enough to make her cry. She _still_ didn't want to go.

"You thought we were going to stay here all night and paint so you could have pictures? Elena, honey, there are _computer_ programs for that. It's called Photoshop. We can design it without all the manpower…" he teased, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Fine," she sniffed and walked away. "Forgive me for trying to do something fun for a change."

A change? Wasn't working in the bookstore fun _enough_? Besides, she'd never really shown any interest in doing anything outside of work. He could tell she didn't feel well, but she'd gotten _lighter_ since the pregnancy scare. Things were easier between them. There hadn't been one defining moment…it had just _happened_. Suddenly the fog of anger and regret them was clearing. Damon worried that it was too good to be true. Once they talked, _really_ talked, he feared her walls would shoot back up and he'd be blocked out forever. Once she knew he never really stopped loving her, it would _change_ things. It could go two ways, he knew. He just wasn't sure which one it would be.

"Oh God…come on, Elena," he walked over to her. "What's going on? You're not seriously crying about this…" he bit his lip. _Stop talking_, he told himself. _Quit while you're ahead_.

"I don't _want_ to be crying over this. It's stupid. But I just _am_ okay? I don't feel well, and I was looking forward to this…and…things have been so irritating lately."

"I'm sorry I told you we'd paint today, okay? I _forgot_ we had so much to go over. The dinner's in four nights, Elena." He sighed when he saw a tear rolling down, finally.

The familiar cling of the bell rang as Elijah walked in on them. His quick pace slowed when he got nearer. They were _arguing_, he thought. This couldn't be good.

Elena swept a tear away from her cheek her lips turned upward at him. "Hi, Eli. Surprised to see you here. Figured you'd be at the airport by now." Their last interaction hadn't been so easy. She was happy to see him there smiling at her now.

"Mom asked me to stay longer," he frowned. "Are you…okay?" his thumb brushed over cheek where the tear had left a shiny trail. "What's all this now?" He smiled sadly and kissed her cheekbone. "_Crying_?" he shot her a knowing look and she shook her head.

"Don't start," she begged him. "Not now…okay?"

Damon's heart dropped. _This _was not okay. He knew they were friends but he had no business butting in _their_ business and doing _that_… it was like he thought Damon wasn't capable of helping her…and they _obviously _referring to something he didn't know about.

He cleared his throat and Elena turned to him, a question in her eyes. He seemed _jealous_, she thought. If painting could make her emotional….

"Damon, I think we need a word," he cleared his throat back.

"Eli," Elena warned, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt. "Behave yourself."

"Its _fine_," Damon's eyes widened and he stepped into the store's back office.

Elena leaned her head against the counter. She did _not_ need this. She didn't need them talking about her. Her eyes scanned the papers and she saw the red figures. They were _failing_….

And she was crying over paint swatches.

"Why is she crying, Damon?" his voice was hard, serious. His hand pressed up against the door to hold it shut.

Elijah and Damon had gotten along when they first met…but that was before Elijah saw Elena's sudden changes. She may not have been obvious to others, or even to _Damon_, but she was slowly becoming a puddle of goo around him. She was extra emotional…

He liked Damon when he wasn't a threat to her sanity. But these days….

"_That_ is between Elena and me. I'll handle her, okay?" he shot back. "And you can settle down with the whole kissy kissy thing, hm? It's not really necessary."

"Why, jealous?" He smiled, knowingly. Elijah's intentions weren't to steal Elena in the slightest. He just loved his friend and he'd protect her when he needed to. He'd do _little_ things, just to test Damon. Just to see how _serious_ he was…

And she'd deny it up and down, but after knowing her for eight years, Elijah he knew Damon was her biggest demon and he didn't want her to regress.

"You're her friend but you're awfully touchy feely on her, don't you think?" he frowned, he wasn't giving up until he had some sort of response.

"It's our relationship. We were roommates," he reminded him. "You can trust me, Damon." All kidding aside. "I lived with her for ages and we never even came _close_ to sex, okay? I don't know what you're doing with her. I don't know if _you_ even know what you're doing with her…but you better be careful and you better go slowly. She's strong but when it comes to you…she's _weak_."

Damon swallowed thickly. Elijah's words were powerful in ways he didn't even know. "I _know_ that," he nodded. But he didn't know what Elena had said to him in the last few days. He didn't know the conversations the two friends had shared.

* * *

><p>"Elena, what's going on with you?" Elijah walked into her kitchen. "Damon slept over here last night, I know he did. You two went in that room and you both came out in the morning."<p>

"Nothing happened," she shook her head. "You don't have to worry. Everything's _fine_ between Damon and I. We're friends again." He didn't need to know _why_ Damon slept over…the crying…the everything…

"So you talked?" he sipped his coffee. "You talked about what happened?"  
>"We talked…not <em>exactly<em> about what happened. But we will. I'm just…ugh…I can't tell you right now." She bit her lip and smiled. This one was _their_ secret. Something she'd only share with Damon. No one needed to know she thought she'd been pregnant last week.

Shook her head. "We have it under control," she smiled. "It's different now."

"So you aren't mad at him anymore for breaking your heart? You're just going to forgive him and that's it. You're going to just pretend like you didn't just go through _shit_ for all those years…." He worried…but his list was getting longer…it almost made him sound jealous, too.

"I'm mad at him, Eli. Of _course_ I am." she frowned. "But I can't be angry forever. I don't _want_ to be. I'm really trying. Why does it seem like you _want_ me to be upset with him? All this time you've been telling me to just walk away and forget him…_why?_"

"He's no good for you," he said simply. "I'm worried about my friend. Isn't that allowed?"

"So it's nothing else then?" She asked seriously. "You've never seen me with a man I've cared about…and definitely not with _him_," she inhaled slowly. Her feelings for Damon were a _completely_ different category… "Are you jealous?"

"I've always thought you were pretty," he winked, "But you're my _friend_. I'm not jealous in the way you think I am. I'm worried I might lose you. I'd _miss_ you if you just disappeared. We have a history, too." he admitted.

"I'm not going anywhere," she smoothed the hair on the back of his head. "I'm not that girl anymore. I don't just give up when it gets hard. I can _have_ two men in my life, in very different or very similar ways and _not_ have a meltdown."

"Damon and I are nothing alike," he reminded her. "You wanted nothing to do with him. You were sure of it for _years_. You told me to remind you of this if it ever became a _problem_. This is a not so gentle reminder."

"Elijah…please…" her mouth was dry.

"I see you look at him, Elena. You were tough and brave when you were so far away from him…but you're near him again and I can't help but think about what happens when you _do_ talk. You can't do that stuff again…you can't fall off the rails,"

"I _won't_," she shook her head. "Elijah…look, you're my friend and I love you like a _brother_, but please don't tell me what to do about him. I can't…I can't _not_ care…" she frowned. "I have to see where this goes…I can't let him go…"

"Why not?" he pushed.

"Because I just _can't_, okay?" she was yelling. "You're really upsetting me and I don't feel well. This isn't a game of table tennis. My answer is the same. Stay out of it, _please…"_

"And if he breaks your heart…" he warned and she sighed, relaxing. She couldn't let herself get too worked up. She'd be even sicker…

"He _won't_…" She was tired of arguing. Really, tired. She plopped down on a kitchen chair next to him, setting her palm on her cheek. She sounded so certain, so _sure_. "I'm a big girl. I can handle it. We're _friends_…."

"Who had sex," he reminded her, "not that long ago and without any sort of inhibition."

Oh, she remembered…but she didn't need to think about it.

"Okay we're done now," she laughed. "I know what I'm doing with Damon, okay? And we're not _doing_ anything…especially _that_, right now…" She sipped her water…but the nausea came on quickly. Elijah was _there_…but he was surrounded by tiny black and white dots…

"Right now…?" Elijah spit his juice back in his glass. "Elena, I'm sorry but this is crazy. You spent years crying over him and now you catch one little glimpse of the man and you're done for. He's getting in your head and he's twisting you up in there…"

"Untrue," she shrugged. "My head is on perfectly straight. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up." She rushed out of the room and met the tile floor again. It was a friend she _didn't_ want.

"You have the flu?" he followed her like a puppy to the bathroom.

"Yeah," she nodded slowly. He didn't need to worry about her any more than she already was. It wasn't the flu, she was _sure_ of it. It was something else. Something _scary_, she thought. _She_ didn't want to know, let alone tell anyone else.

Suddenly things were just _weird_ between them. He wouldn't accept that Elena wanted try something, anything with Damon, and he was about to leave. If she felt better, she may have tried to clear the air…but she didn't.

"I hope you feel better. I need to visit mom again, before I go," he said softly. She looked up from the bathroom floor into her friend's eyes. "I probably will leave afterward…but _Elena_," he scrunched his eyebrows together. "If he _does _try to break your heart, don't forget yourself…"

"I could _never_ forget myself," she smiled. "Not anymore."

* * *

><p>But now she sat with her head in her hands, staring at those numbers while Elijah and Damon's voices were rising in the backroom. It sounded like an argument…about her.<p>

"Thank you for everything you've done for her, but I'll take over now," Damon voice was serious, possessive, almost.

"If she'll _let_ you," Elijah charged back. "Like I said, I don't know where you think you're _going_ with her, but you're not going to get anywhere with an attitude like _that_ about her."

Damon swallowed. He knew Elijah was right. He couldn't go from being her friend again to being like _this_ in an instant. "I know you have a history…but we have a _bigger_ one. It involves two kids who loved each other more than _anything_. I'm sorry, but you can't come between this anymore."

"If you hurt her, I _will_ kill you," he raised his eyebrows. Damon wasn't sure if it was a joke so he just sent him a lopsided smile right back.

"You're a cop, so I believe you actually _could_…but let's pretend you didn't say that. I'd like to get along with you. You're obviously important to her… I'm not trying to take your place…stop trying to take _mine_…_"_

Elijah nodded. "And what place is that?"

"There aren't words to describe it," he admitted. Elijah would haveto settle for that one.

"She's crying because I won't stay up all night with her and paint this place, okay?"

"That's all?" He smiled, though he tried not to show it in his eyes. He still needed to be that wall for her…he needed to prove to Damon that there was someone else watching over her…

"That's _all_, I swear," he put his hands up.

"Well then if that's all you better suck it up and just do it," he suggested. "It seems silly, but if those are the kinds of things upsetting her these days, I'd say you're _lucky_."

It was true, he knew. But _Elijah_ didn't know the half of it, he figured. He hadn't once mentioned the pregnancy scare. Elena was in a whole lot of hurt and sickness. She was _worried_ constantly. Her brain was frying over the facts she couldn't make sense of. _Nothing_ made sense.

Maybe he _should_ just give her this… if that was all she needed to calm her down…

"I agree with you, I think…" Damon's voice was questioning. "But, um, two's company and three's a crowd, if you catch my drift…."

"I'm leaving today anyway. Just stuck around longer to visit my Mother a few cities over. But don't you dare forget what I said. If you want to take care of her, _do _it. Don't think of yourself and what you want all the time. Like _last_ time," he arched his eyebrows. "Think about how your decisions and what you _do_ and say affect her before you go off and do something stupid again…like sleep with her."

"Woah, come on. I was just getting along with you for a minute," he winked. They walked back into the lobby area of the bookstore to find Elena hunched over and _asleep_ on the counter.

"Elena, I'm leaving for real this time," he touched the top of her head, rubbing it gently. She blinked a few times before wrapping her arms around his neck. Damon watched with envy. He realized something. It was completely _stupid_, but he hadn't even hugged her yet since she was back. He'd done everything else to her…but not the simple gesture of a hug. But it would have to wait. If he hugged her now it would just be awkward.

"Goodbye, Elijah," she smiled. "Thank you for coming. And really I'm _fine_,"

"_Good_bye, _Eli,_" Damon said in a sing-song swoon. "It was so nice to meet you," he teased.

"Don't patronize me," he laughed.

"But seriously…" he stretched out his hand. "I've given you a lot of shit, but only because I care. Thanks for everything you've done." Elena's eyebrows dipped at the words. What had they talked about?

As soon as Elijah was out the door and the bell was dong clanging, Elena was running to the bathroom to throw up again. And again. It kept _happening_. Something was so wrong…

"I thought you were feeling better," Damon slid down the door of the bathroom, listening to her sounds of pain. He swallowed nervously. He was being strong for her, but each time she got sick he became more and more worried. He was just as nervous about calling the doctor as she was.

"I was, kind of. But not as well as I've been playing off while he's been here." Her voice was scratchy, irritated. It sounded like it _hurt_ to say anything.

"So you _didn't_ tell him about…you know?" Bringing up the baby had been hard, but he couldn't help but do it. He hadn't forgotten in just a few days. He didn't _want_ to….

"No, I said I have the flu. We can't _all_ be paranoid about this. I'm paranoid for all of us as it is."

"Me too," he swallowed. "I think you need to go to the doctor." He said it carefully to check her response. He didn't want to push her, but he _needed_ to about this…

"But the dinner…." Her voice broke. She knew he wanted to go to it so _badly_.

"We'll go to the dinner if you're up to it. But if you're not…we won't." He shrugged, and though she could not see his caring eyes, his affection was evident in his voice.

"You can still go," he could hear her spitting into the toilet between sentences. She had nothing left to throw up.

"I'm not going without you. If you're in that bad of shape you aren't going to be by yourself. Not because I don't think you can handle it…but because if I'm at some dinner and you're here _throwing up_ your dinner…I just can't have fun there…" he frowned.

She smiled through the door, but he couldn't see. All he could hear was the toilet flushing and her hands being washed. He moved out of the way and stood up just in time for her to open the door. When she came out she was pale, clammy, _sick_…

"Better?" He asked, frowning.

"For now," she sighed. "Ugh…this is _so_ irritating," she whined. "I can't do _anything_…"

"Sure you can. You held your own in there for a long time," he reminded her. "He had no idea."

"I'm sorry I was so stupid about the paint," she admitted. It was nice to hear her admit something so quickly. The old Elena would've just pretended the situation didn't happen. But he didn't _want_ an apology. He wasn't _angry_ that she wanted to paint. He'd just been frustrated about the store. He'd told her she'd always be more important than the store would ever be…he had to remember that.

"It wasn't stupid…I know you don't feel well and you need a distraction," he smiled. "So," he pulled out some paint swatches he'd hidden in his pocket when they found her sleeping. "Vanilla Bean Cream or Creamy Dreamy Cream?" He raised his eyebrows. "What the _hell_ kind of shades are these? They look the same?" He held them up to the light.

"Really?" She smiled. "You're really going to let me paint in here tonight?" He saw some pink roll into her cheeks. It suited her. She looked _young_ for a minute.

"Really," he said, and in a heartbeat, before he could process it, her arms were around his neck and she was holding him tightly in an embrace that had been needed a _lifetime ago_.

His arms squeezed her gently, not too forcefully. He knew she was sick, but she smelled so much like _Elena_ and she felt so warm and familiar. She was soft. She slid away after few seconds.

"But we have a lot of stuff to move and a lot of organizing. It's going to take hours. We _may_ be here all night. We're going to need hydration," he explained.

"Yes," she ran into the other room, organizing the brushes and rollers.

His eyes widened. "You have everything here already? What, did you buy like ten different colors of paint in case?"

"Maybe," she smiled. "What? I might have changed my mind." She shrugged. It was nice to see her smile and tease him. It was _so_ nice. Elijah had been right. This, these little moments, were what she needed. She didn't need a train wreck of a situation tearing through her in order for her to come to terms with _them._ They needed to talk…but it didn't mean they couldn't have fun before.

"Vanilla Bean Cream," she nodded. "It's wonderful."

They spent hours taping up the doorframes and draping paint cloths over the shelves, careful not to wreck anything.

"You're awful at this," She teased as she watched him roll paint onto the wall. "You're making a crazy pattern. The kids are going to see this and they're going to know it wasn't me."

"Maybe I'm doing it on purpose. I could be artsy," he teased. But really, he'd never actually painted anything before…

"No, you really _can't_. I remember art class in seventh grade. It was bad, _really _bad, Damon."

"You said you like that picture I drew for you," He frowned. Was she serious? She thought he was bad? He smiled. It felt _good_ to talk to her like this…about old times…_really_ old times…

"I liked it for me…but it wasn't art fair worthy. Sorry to hurt your feelings so many years after the fact," she stuck her tongue out. "But I thought you deserved the truth."

It was getting very late, and their defenses were slipping. They were falling into the familiar.

"Hey, you haven't thrown up in like three hours!" He pointed out. "This distraction is working."

"Three hours isn't that long," she squinted.

He scooted to another area of the room and found a little scribble in marker behind one of the shelves he hadn't yet moved. He squinted to get a closer look, but he could read it as plain as day once his eyes came into focus.

**ELENA AND DAMON**_**, 2000.**_

"Come here," he waved her over. She stepped through the room, over paint cans and roller pans. "Look at this." His fingers rubbed over the text sweetly, though he'd never seen it before.

"I wrote that," she smiled. "When we were sophomores." It was a good memory.

"Why?" He wasn't sure if he was crossing some invisible line, but he was going to try. She was talking to him…and he _had_ to try little things here and there…just to see…

She swallowed and he watched the effort her neck made at that gesture. It was a thick swallow, filled with emotion. The type of gulp a person does before they say or do something really, really important…

"Because I loved you," she said slowly. Her words shook the earth. He took a deep breath and continued. She'd _referred_ to loving him the past and hadn't said one smarmy remark about it.

"In 2000. We weren't even together…other than the kiss…" he breathed. That had been a beautiful moment in his youth. He was in over his head about her after _that_.

"I wrote that before you kissed me," she admitted. "Months before. I remember it because I hurried up and scooted the shelf over so you wouldn't see when you came in. I was a kid and I did silly things like that. But now, it doesn't seem so silly. It's a good memory."

"I'm glad it is," it was one of the first times they'd actually gone back and forth about something in their past that wasn't negative. They could argue with the best of them, but this…this was different. It was something like nostalgia… "If you loved me then, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew I couldn't," she shrugged. He wasn't sure he should keep pushing it. He was getting the answers he wanted, but how many questions did he get before she snapped? The more he asked, the closer he'd get to his real questions…

"You were my best friend and you were dating someone else. I thought you wouldn't want me. I thought you wouldn't love me back," she said seriously. "And in a way…"

"Shhh…we're not talking about when we were _seniors_. We're talking about when we were _sophmores, now_" he stopped her. He wanted her to know his feelings without associating it with the big break up. "I did love you back then. _I_ should've said something, too. I lost interest in Rebekah early on…I just…if we would've dated earlier than we did…maybe…"

"Okay," she stood up, away from the wall. "I'm thirsty." He let her change the subject. It _was_ getting too close for comfort.

"Let's see…I have water, coffee, juice..." he smiled.

"After the figures I saw on those stats sheets, we might need hard liquor" she commented.

"I don't think you and I should be drinking together any time soon," he said. She caught on quickly. How long could they go without talking about it?

"I don't know…" she smiled and he almost blushed. Was she actually referring to _it_? They hadn't even talked…certainly she wasn't referring to them doing _that_ again… she was sicker than a dog and still angry. She couldn't be talking about that.

He picked up his paint brush and slathered on some paint, ready to take it to the wall as she sipped her coffee. He felt a cool stream of paint slide onto his finger.

"You know, I could _really_ go for a sandwich, but I'd probably just throw it up," she said as she turned to face him.

"What's that on your face?" He said seriously, scrunching up his nose. "Seriously, there's like," he smoothed his paint covered hand along her cheeks, "_paint all over it_,"

"Hey, Damon, what the _hell_?" She put her hands on her hips and touched her cheek. "What's your problem?" She laughed, wiping off the paint.

"My problem is that its now almost three in the morning and we've been painting _all_ night. Maybe it's the fumes or something, but I just feel _crazy_. I feel like laughing with you…things have been so serious… I miss laughing…"

She picked up the roller and stroked it down his face, coating him in cream paint, too. She smiled, waiting for his reaction. He pushed the paint away from his eyes and opened them. His blues paired with his lopsided smile was enough to make her keel over at that time of night.

Moments like these were simple and fun. They made it easy.

"You're a little punk," he laughed. "You're feisty. I like it."

"Yeah well," she sipped her coffee again. The little happy moment faded away as she thought about _just_ how feisty she'd been. Her smile died and she plopped down onto a beanbag. "I'm still afraid to go to the doctor." She admitted.

"I know," he sat next to her. The beanbags were so much lower than he remembered.

"But you are right. I need to know what this is, so I can fix me."

"Do you think we'll ever fix _us_?" He sighed. It was a shot in the dark...but he took it.

"Yes," she nodded seriously. "I've been thinking about it. Our friendship now is fragile. I feel like we can only say a few sentences to each other before it gets too hard."

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it right now. You don't feel well and you're tired…" he looked at the woman next to him in that familiar beanbag. It was hard not remember what they'd done there so many years ago.

"Maybe we should start," she blinked at him. "Before we go to the doctor, I think we should start talking. If something terrible is going on with me, I'd never forgive myself for letting this just live between us all this time. I want to straighten the air _before_ we find out."

He sighed, wiping his face with a damp washcloth. Did he have it in him? How could he even begin to think about everything he wanted to say to her? And how could he do it without saying he loved her….?

"I'd like to say something," he breathed. "I know this may not make a difference now, but it would have then, so I need to say it.."

She frowned but he reached out and touched her hand gently. She waited in silence, with baited breath. She was _afraid_…

"I'm sorry that I didn't let you make your own decisions back then. Maybe if I hadn't pushed you so hard you wouldn't have had to make the ones you did…." It was a big thing to say, but he needed to say it. "But it killed me to see you doing those things…" she blinked a few times and just listened. Her heart was fuzzy and the butterflies were trying to beat out the nausea. She was angry with him, for everything, still….but she didn't want to be anymore…

"I didn't think it mattered to you what I did….but I wanted it to," she swallowed. Her voice cracked. "Every stupid, shitty decision I ever made was because of you, for your attention. I pretended it _wasn't_...but everything _was_. And I got it, but not in the way I wanted. You were too much my brother and I just wanted _you..._it hurt too much..."

"I _know_…." He said softly. "But I can't take responsibility for your choices. You made them because I hurt you, but it's not _my_ fault." He needed to be honest with her, but he really didn't feel like arguing…

"It's _not_ your fault that I started drinking and sleeping with random men, I'll give you that. I made that choice. But it is your fault that I felt like _crap_…" she frowned. They were bashing things out…but it didn't feel angsty...it felt therapeutic….

"I never meant to make you feel that way. I tried to hang around…I missed you…"

"Your hanging around was the problem. We _loved_ each other, Damon. I mean really _loved_ each other. I was drowning in you and then you just pulled up and left me." Now the words were harsher. "How could you think I would just be okay with being your friend?"

"Because we were _friends_ first," he said honestly.

"You told me you didn't want me and then you were in my face _all _ the time...rubbing in how great you are..."She didn't she didn't say how great you _were_. It was still there.

"I was afraid of losing it because of something our parents did. If we couldn't be together, I still wanted us to be _something_…" He reached out to touch her hand but she pulled away.

"It doesn't work that way," she laughed, bitterly. "You were the most important person in my life. Everything I love happened with _you_. And then in an instant it was gone. My heart couldn't handle not having you that way. The thought of you being my brother made me sick."

"I know…that's_ why_ I had to break up with you, Lena…" he frowned. "I _thought_ I did, at least….he started." She stared at him, willing herself to just listen and not get angry. This was _hard_ to talk about…

"But when it was done, I was angry," he admitted for the first time. "It was the wrong choice."

Her eyebrows tilted. What had he just said?

"Years later when I met Katherine and she saw your picture I _lied_." He swallowed. "She asked who you were and I said my stepsister. I didn't elaborate any further…ever. But our parents did…she found out and she was _angry_..._really_ angry. She found out after you visited your mom two years ago. And then things got tough. We worked through it...but not enough..."

He'd lied to his fiance?

"You never told her we…"

"No, I didn't want her to know...because it killed me to think of my feelings..." he swallowed. "And it was the second biggest lie of my life," here it came. She looked at him with pretty, wide open doe eyes. The sick girl faded into the background and it was just Elena.

"The biggest lie I ever told was to myself. When we broke up and I was so certain that I'd be okay…I told myself I could stop loving you…but I couldn't. Every day I saw you at school was torture…but I knew I'd made my decision for a reason at the time."

"So you _did_ want me? All that time? All the times I threw myself at you? All the times you sent me those texts that made me feel like garbage?" her voice was angry, hurt. This wasn't the sweet moment it was supposed to be…

"I _did_ want you," he frowned, nervously. "That's why I'm sorry…I made the wrong decision when I broke up with you. But I couldn't admit it then. All I could see was _them_….but years later, on the day before my wedding, I knew…you were right. I picked the wrong person to side with…I missed you."

Her stomach was twisting from anger and nausea and regret. She couldn't even _hear_ the sweetness he was sticking in between the hurtful truths. She hadn't even heard he just admitted to not getting married because of _her_.

"So all of it was for _nothing?"_ She spat out angrily. "I just slept with random men for _nothing?_ You wanted me that night…I could've lost it to _you…._ I would've never…." She looked at the ceiling before she pushed herself out of those chairs.

Suddenly the fingers were pointing at him again, but instead of anger he just felt _sick_.

"I'm sorry but I have to tell you now," he said sadly. "I owe you the truth. I realize this makes everything you suffered through for nothing…" He stood up in front of her. "I'm sick of hiding this."

She was mad at him for what he'd done or _not_ done back then…but she wasn't mad at him _now_. She didn't look at him like he was about to tear her world in two. She was just…sad, really. He was trying to be honest, and she was shoving it off like it meant nothing. In reality, it mean _everything_ to her. But her emotions were too weak for her to get her real feelings across appropriately.

"And now I'm probably fucking _dying_ from a disease I got from one of those men, Damon," she was shaking. "I would've never slept with _any_ other man again, if I'd ever slept with you back then…" She was so _weak_...

It was the truth. She knew she'd be married to him right now if she'd never fallen off the rails…if their parents hadn't ruined _everything_…. He swallowed at her admission. Although she was angry it was still a big one. She'd admitted she wanted forever with him. But could he be surprised? If he'd been nothing to her she wouldn't have fallen so far…

"I don't think so," he swallowed. "Wouldn't you already have issues with that? You said it's been four years…" he was trying to be careful. He needed to change the subject. It was too hard…

"Well then what the hell else is it? Look I know we need to talk, and I know I wanted to try…but now that we started I need time to process this before we say anything else. I think I feel differently about this than the way I'm acting…I… it's just…"

"I know. I hurt you. It's the only way to say it. But I'm _sorry_ and I regret it and I don't want to hurt you anymore. That's why I have to be honest here. I care about you…"

"You care about the old me," she smiled knowingly, but she knew _nothing_. "The one that's dead somewhere….the one who probably overdosed somewhere in an ally…." He frowned. "Yeah," she said seriously, "It could've been _that_ bad, Damon…"

"I care about the new Elena, too," he said softly. "But to the little old, Elena who _might_ still be in there a tiny bit...I'm _sorry."_ He wiped another area of paint off her face. "And I know we have to deal with our _old_ selves before we can even _touch this_," he pointed between them. "But I want you to know that I won't choose wrong this time. No matter what happens with us, I'll always choose what's right."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahhh! I know, it's not the doctor appointment, but like I said, it's a sneak in chapter. I have to build up to that, though some of you already have suspicions about what it may be. I say nothing ;-) Thanks for reading. This one was a transitional chapter for me. They have been making strides lately…it's time some truth came out. However hurtful it may have been…in the long run…she gets it…**

**Thank you. **

**We ARE going to see the doctor appointment, the dinner, the funeral…etc…coming up. I promise! **


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: This chapter has been somewhat anticipated for a while now. Some of you have been waiting and I've been waiting for the right time to share it with you. It's now, I think. **

**I've used some back to back flashbacks in the middle, one right after the other…just to emphasize the absolute **_**changes**_** that have happened between Damon and Elena in the span of those 10 years. It's black and white…completely different… and we'll see the bitterness Damon felt toward Giuseppe coming to a head… **

**Some realizations will be made here, too… I'm not so sure Elena really _regrets_ anything she's done with Damon since she's come back. We might see hints of that...**

**Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy this one. Please review and let me know!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 12**

"And we'd like to thank everyone in Mystic Falls for supporting our business," Damon cleared his throat. "Many of you have been faithful customers to our store for the two decades it has been in existence. To you, it's a family bookstore. You've shopped it for new books, local and historical books, and maybe for children's books…but you've never shopped it like _this_." Damon pulled out their presentation boards filled with photos of their newly designed store. Cream walls with colorful quotes from kid's books lined the walls. They'd stenciled in silence for _hours_ after their big talk….but they were _proud_ of their work.

Elena had watched him work…this man who'd just laid it all out in front of her. He'd revealed one of his biggest regrets, but she couldn't help but worry she hadn't answered him the way her heart _meant_ to. He _regretted_ everything. _Everything_.

So had he regretted sleeping with her, like he'd said he had? He didn't know _half_ of what was going through her mind that night.

But her heart broke as he'd stenciled the final quote above the door inside their store.

"_**I never forgot you dragon. I love you..."**_** –**_** Damon Salvatore."**_

She'd cried over paint colors, but that quote was just too much for her little fragile heart…She'd left the room for hours, needing to be alone with her thoughts and her fears. She needed to really think about everything he'd said...realize what it meant. He didn't stop loving her back then…

But Elena _beamed_ as their presentation continued, now. "This is more than just a bookstore for Elena and I," he looked at her and smiled, "many of you may remember seeing us playing as children behind that counter. We worked there for countless hours when we were in high school. Every hope and dream came from that bookstore when we were kids, and from reading. Our parents gave us a _legacy_ in that store," he wouldn't mention what _else_ their parents did to them…this wasn't about _their_ decisions. Today was about the _future_. He continued,

"We want to give _your_ children the same thing…a universal love of books. We've remodled our store to be focused _just_ on kid's books. This is good for the community and will build good relationships among neighboring communities who _don't_ have these type of stores. They, in turn, may shop at _your _businesses. It is good business for _us_ and _great_ business for Mystic Falls," he straighted his tie. He was in a shiny silver suit that made the blue of his eyes even _bluer_, Elena thought. She smiled and reached over to squeeze his hand. He'd _done_ it. He'd made it through their speech. He'd been _terrified_ of messing it up…but he hadn't.

"Good job," she leaned into his ear and to his surprise, she placed the smallest kiss on his cheek. Her lipstick left a little mark and it came off on his finger as he touched the spot. A smirk formed on his lips and he lowered his eyebrows at her quickly in surprise. She was _smiling_. Was it _hot_ in there?

"Thank you," he was thanking her for more than just the words of encouragement, she knew from the look in his eyes. Something was there...she knew. But it had _always_ been there. She'd just never let herself _see_ it…

The crowd applauded and they took their seats. That _something_ hung in the air. It had just been a little peck on the cheek. Elijah had done it to her days ago…but it felt so different. She looked at him with watery eyes… the need to say_ something_ was building quickly…but their moment was stolen.

"Well, if it isn't the Salvatore family," a thin, brown haired man approached their table and Damon frowned. "_Elena_ Savlatore," he narrowed his eyes on her, the looked down to her ringer to find nothing. He didn't _want_ to be mean to her anymore…

"I'm not a Salvatore, Kol" she managed out, but her heart hurt a little at the confession. More than it should _have_…

It hurt because she knew she would've been a Salvatore, if things had been different...

"You're the very last person I want to see right now," Damon's voice was quiet, but pointedly _angry. _"What part of the kick to the nuts in high school didn't you get? We don't want to see you."

"We're all grown-ups, right? That's all water under the bridge, isn't it, Elena?" He moved to touch her hand. "I always knew you'd run off to be with Damon, anyway. That's why I just _assumed_ you were his wife by now." Kol's family had moved away from Mystic Falls before they'd turned 17. He never knew what happened.

So why was he back now?

"And why are you here?" Elena said, pulling her hand away awkwardly. He didn't need to touch her anymore than he already had in his life... Her voice sounded scratchy and Damon slid her water over to her. She hadn't taken a single sip all night, he saw. He could only _imagine_ the way her stomach was swirling if she wouldn't even drink _water…._

"You aren't the only one who took over their family business, _Elena_. I'm running my Dad's coffee shop down the street…He owned it but had someone else manage it while we moved away. When he got sick, he moved back and managed it himself. But now he's become _too_ ill to run it…" So much _death_ and sickness. Elena absolutely _disliked_ Kol, but she could understand a sick parent…

"Sorry to hear about your Dad," she managed. "But I don't really think we have anything to talk about so if you'd just leave us alone," her voice sounded polite, but she was on edge. She was _better_ than this...and she'd been through things that were just as bad as that _that_...she'd caused them herself. But she was sixteen the last time she'd really seen him…she'd _respected_ her body back then. How quickly things could change…

"Right…well, we're fellow Mystic Falls business people…so if you ever want to work on a promotion together…parents of those kids might want coffee…" he frowned. He knew he'd violated Elena years ago. He knew she couldn't stand the sight of him…but he was alone now, too, and there was something about having sick parents…a sort of common bond…

"Apologize to Elena and we'll talk about it," Damon said seriously. "You know what you did."

Whoa. Elena swallowed. This was awkward and didn't need to be happening at a _business_ dinner. They'd just given a great presentation…he didn't need to go and make a scene…

"Damon…" she watched his eyes change, soften at the tender way she said his name. It was a warning, but she was sending it with so much gentleness…

"No, he's right. I'm _sorry_, Elena. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. I was a young kid. I couldn't accept that you respected yourself too much to do _that_…" The words were swishing in her brain, _hurting_. He had _no_ idea just how far she'd let her self-respect _drop_… "I was a jerk."

"Thank you," she tried to smile, but her stomach was swishing again…she covered her mouth and pushed out her chair, nearly tripping in her heels as she ran to the bathroom. Something was different this time. She went pale _fast_…. Something was _wrong_…

Damon stood up in a rush, throwing his cloth napkin on the floor and running down the hall. He pushed his hand against the hard, oak door of the women's room, willing himself not to rush inside and find her.

"ELENA!" He pounded his fist hard against it. "Are you okay?" He waited a moment but he heard _nothing_. The door was thick but not _that_ thick. He knew what it sounded like when she threw up. He should've heard _something_…retching…_something_… but the silence deafened him…

"ANSWER ME! SAY SOMETHING!" He waited again. "Lena…" After another thirty seconds of nothing, he pushed through the door to find her unconscious on the cold, white bathroom tile in a stall… she was in a pool of vomit. There was a sudden tightening in his chest…a sudden panic. He was barely breathing and _he_ was seeing spots from the anxiety… he'd be the next one to pass out just from _fear_…

But he pulled it together. He _had_ to call for help.

"Oh my _God_, _Elena…" _he swallowed, tears already falling down his face. He punched '911' into his cell phone.

"My girlf…we need _help_. My friend passed out. She's breathing but…she's been sick and…" the words were falling out of his mouth in clumps. He didn't even think they made _sense_…. There was a rollercoaster of emotions racing through him…he was scared, angry, confused…regretful…

He should've _made_ her go to the doctor right away, but he'd been so _afraid_ of pushing her… he was worried she'd shut herself off from him again. He'd been so worried about letting her make her own choices. But now _this_ had happened. It would've been better for her to be _angry_ with him for being so insistent if it meant _this_ wouldn't have happened…. He held her in his arms and begged her to wake up…

"Come on, baby…" his voice was breaking, his tears falling down onto her red dress. His biggest fears were coming true...It couldn't be _real_. "I'm _sorry_, Lena…I'm so sorry we didn't take you in sooner…I'm sorry for _everything_…" But she said and _did_ nothing. She lay still in his arms, her eyelids covering her big brown eyes. He'd never wanted to see something more in his life than those _eyes_…

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose someone _else_…let alone _her_. Not her. They were all each other had left. She was never just his sister…he _loved_ her. He'd _never_ stopped. And he hadn't even gotten to tell her, to _show_ her, for real this time, that he never _would _stop.

She couldn't just die thinking he didn't _love_ her... he was jumping to wild conclusions, he knew...but he didn't care. All he could do was panic. They didn't even _know _what was wrong with her...maybe she was fine...but...

She wasn't supposed to be _sick_…he pressed his fingers into his forehead and _squeezed_. She couldn't just come back to him, _be_ like this with him and then jut _die._ She was just unconscious, he told himself. He was worried about _that_ moment…but horrified of the test results to come. He'd thought it was nothing bad…but now his opinion may have changed….

This woman who was limp in his arms was _not_ leaving him. He'd run her to the hospital himself if the damn ambulance didn't hurry up.

That cold, old bathroom was almost completely silent. Damon's sobs and sniffs were the only sounds echoing off the walls in the moments they waited. He cried for _everything_. For the moments that had been ruined for them as teenagers…for the horrible, sad moments he'd seen her in college…and for the moment he feared they'd never have…if this was _real_…

The other business owners in the other room were _clueless_ to the scene unraveling on that cold bathroom floor. A man bawling as he held the seemingly lifeless woman he'd loved for a _lifetime_ in his arms. _Anyone_ who walked into this would've felt _bad_, seeing him this way…but if they knew Damon and Elena, they'd know it was a bit of a _greater_ tragedy.

Elena, please…" his hands shook as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. He wiped the vomit from her lips with his sleeve. He didn't _care_ how expensive his suit was…

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. It was _warm. _How could she have passed out so quickly? She'd barely made in the bathroom in time…

"_Why?"_ He looked up. "_Why _are you _doing_ this to me?" He yelled to the sky. "You can't _have _her…she's _mine_…you can't let her be sick, God..." He kissed her hair again. "Anything else…_anything_ else but this…" He felt wild and selfish and _crazy. _

Time was melting away slowly and he felt _hollow_. Everything had been going so well with them. They were friends again…they had a future, he knew….

"I _just_ got her back! You can't take her away from me...I saw _her, _my _old _Elena...but I _love_ this Elena..."he sobbed, his nose burying in her hair. "I love you, Elena…I _do_…I need you…please, baby…don't _leave_ me…" He breathed, but the gasps were taking over…he was _shaking_. "I can't be without you..."

They were words he needed to say and words she needed to _hear…_but she'd never remember it…

He knew it now. She _was_ more important than everything else… he let her do any silly little thing she wanted if she came out of this _healthy_, somehow…He'd let her paint whatever she wanted…_whenever_ she wanted…he'd never take her for granted again.

Their parents _had_ been the reason behind everything…he realized it long ago and he'd even mentioned it to her before. But the truths just kept creeping up into his head. Everything they'd done had either brought them together or pulled them apart.

In his sad, lonely brain, as he held her, he couldn't help but see how their parents had given him one last gift…they'd done it _one_ more time…and they'd done it right. They'd _died_…but it had brought him _her…._

The minutes passing felt like _hours_. Where the _hell_ were the paramedics? How could it have happened? He'd gone from extreme joy to complete devastation in the blink of an eye. It wasn't supposed to happen like this…she was scheduled to go to the doctor in two days. But she couldn't wait…she was too weak…

Then the door was banging open and men were filing in with medical equipment.

"Sir," the paramedics were lifting her onto a stretcher in a flash as soon as they'd arrived. There were men Damon didn't know _taking_ her away...away from him… He stood up, an empty feeling in his stomach. He knew she needed to go…but the separation _ached_. They couldn't just _take _her…

"Look out, I'm coming with…" He pushed past an EMT. He brushed past his thick jacket and grabbed her hand. "I'm coming in the ambulance."

"Just a minute, give us room," they blocked him away, pulling his hand away. "She needs to be still…you're shaking her…"

"I'm…just _get out of my way_," he moved back, holding her hand again. "I'm _coming_ with," he repeated.

"Are you family?" the blond man asked.

"She's my sister," he huffed. It was the first time he was _happy_ to say that…

"Okay," he opened the door and Damon hopped in. They'd placed the oxygen mask over her pretty mouth and she looked _weak_…lost… his heart clenched in his chest. He'd never been more scared in his life. He'd seen his _mother_ sick…he'd seen _her_ mother sick…but Elena was _so_ much more than that. Somehow she was _more…_ _This_ single moment was the most _terrifying_ moment in his life…

He'd always been afraid of this…always thought she'd wind up sick, broken, dead…but never like _this…_not when she had turned herself around. Not when she was making an effort to fix herself and _them_…it wasn't _fair_…

She'd been _gone_ for years…but never really, honestly gone…not like right now where he couldn't _reach_ her. She'd always been there, somewhere. He could've at least _found_ her, talked to her, if he wanted. Right now, he'd even take the sad, crazy Elena….even if she yelled and screamed and cursed him out. As long as she was _okay…_

His father had worried about his stability in the aftermath of their Damon's return home. He'd said things that _sparked_ things inside of Damon…give him reason to _hate_ his decisions even more than he already did…

* * *

><p>"Talked to Elena lately?" He closed a notebook on the counter of the bookstore. A 19-year-old Damon's headphones were pressed firmly in his ears. He wanted to block out <em>everything<em>. Coming home hadn't exactly been the way he'd dreamed he'd spend his young years…but it was all he _could_ do. She'd forced him away…he _couldn't_ be with her…she _hated_ him…

Giuseppe tapped him again, pulling an earbud out of his son's ear. "Damon…"

"What?" he frowned. Ever since he'd come home, seeing his father had cut into him a little more…he'd rather spend his time with _John_ than _them_….

"I _said_, have you heard from Elena lately?"he frowned.

"I wish you'd stop asking that," he spat. "Of _course_ I haven't talked to her. She _hates_ me, Dad."

He didn't have to resort to bad habits to deal with his pain, but it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows when he first got home, either….

"Your sister, she's…" he sighed, but Damon cut him off.

"Don't you_ dare_ call her that," he bit out. "You know this is a fucked up situation…you _know_ you screwed this up for me…do you know what's _happened_ to her? She's _gone_…"

He was a _hypocrite,_ he knew. But he didn't _care_. He spent all this time telling Elena she was making wrong choices…that they were _her_ choices…but he'd come home and blamed himself…and _them_…for everything for years. It was _everyone's _fault...

At first he'd been all _about_ supporting his father's decision. When he'd broken up with her, he thought it was for the best. But after he'd seen her _fall_…after he'd seen her completely fade into her surroundings, he'd changed his _mind_. He'd chosen _wrong. _He loved her and he wanted her...but she wasn't _in _there anymore...

* * *

><p>He knew it the instant she showed up drunk on his doorstep at school...she'd confirmed it <em>so<em> many times. He loved her…and she was breaking his heart by hurting herself.

He'd seen her briefly after the pool table fiasco at the party. Her pain was still evident, though she'd never admit it…

"Where are your shoes?" He drove up next to her and wound down the window. It was 8 a.m. and she was barefoot walking down the street.

"In my _hands_," she lifted them up, waving them around. "Don't worry," she pouted.

"I _am_ worried," he slowed his pace to match her walking. He was barely rolling now. "What are you _doing_ out here right now? You're barely dressed and you're bruised and…what the hell is _that_? He pointed to the tattoo on her back. He frowned. "_Another_ dragon tattoo? I saw the one on your ankle but…" he frowned. "It looks _infected_…Christ, Elena…" He stopped the car and ran out to stop her. "_Why_ are you getting these tattoos…and _where_ are you getting them?"

"I like dragons," she smiled. "They're fierce, but they're _imaginary_. Like me. I'm all in your imagination, right? I'm not _real_ anymore…I'm a sick, twisted fantasy…" she waved her hands in front of her, mocking him. "Baby sister's _gone_…"

"What the hell are you even saying?" He looked into her red, foggy eyes. "Are you high?" He grabbed her shoes out from her hands angrily. It wasn't a joke… "Why do you smell like tequila and pot, Elena? Are you _drinking _again?"

"Never mind, Damon. I was in a room with a lot of alcohol and a _lot_ of pot. I'm sure some got in my system somehow. But that's not really anything for _you_ to be concerned with. Now give me my damn shoes," She yelled.

"Oh, you're getting them back," he yelled. "On your _feet_," he knelt down and lifted her foot into her strappy heel. "God these are _ridiculous_. What's with all the straps and buckles…ugh… Why do you _wear _these? They can't be comfortable…"

"I look sexy in them…don't you think? Oh _wait_….you don't. You know, any _other_ man kneeling by me wouldn't be _yelling_ at me…" she winked. "He'd be moaning _because_ of me."

"Uh, _Elena!" _He fastened her other shoe and stood up, backing away. "Does _everything_ have to turn that corner with you? Can you just _not_ say things like that?"

"You want to get in my face and _protect_ me all the time and I'm _sick_ of it, Damon," she tripped on her heel. "I need to show you how ridiculous it is. I've said it a thousand times. Go away. Now, leave me alone. I'm walking home."

"I'll give you a ride," he swallowed sadly. He wanted to _cry_ for her. He'd plead for days afterward that something would change…but it just _didn't_….

"I'm sure my _Mommy_ would want you to save me…but sorry, I _can't_ be saved. I don't _want_ your attention…" but it was all lies. It was _all_ for his attention. All of it. "I'm fine."

"One day…when you're over whatever _this_," he pointed, "is," he paused. "You'll wish we were still friends. One day you'll want to fix this."

"No I won't," she lied. It was killing her, but it was _easier_ to just pretend. If she pushed him hard enough, he'd crumble and he'd beg her to take him back, she thought. But he never did…

He pushed the shirt up on her back and rubbed his finger over the tattoo. Her skin was hot, inflamed. "God…this is _definitely _infected…we need to get you do a doctor."

"Fuck, Damon…don't _touch_ it. I had a guy do it last night in his basement. He did pretty well, didn't he? It looks like the other one. Did I mention I _love_ dragons?" She was _definitely_ at least a _little_ tipsy, he knew. "Now stop stalling and touching me, and go away."

"You're gonna _die_ one of these days, kid," he bit out. "I can't stand by and watch this," he shook his head. He was angry…then he was sad. He wanted to push her away, and in the same breath, pull her into his arms and tell her he loved her. But he couldn't…he had to _stop_…

"Yet you still _do_," she spat out. "You're still following me around. You're still watching me from afar. If I didn't know better I'd say you still loved me."

"Stop…" he warned. He'd lost his one chance to say 'yes, you're right. I _do_ love you.' And once it was gone, it would be _years_ before he'd get the chance again. And that would change _everything_.

"You don't want me and I don't want you and we'll _never_ be _anything_, so get over it. _If_ I fell over and died right here…would you even care?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? Am I talking to a wall? Haven't I been begging you for months now to get yourself together? You're the one who doesn't care about _me. _ Of _course_ I would care if you died. That's what I'm _saying_."But then he closed off, so angry, so broken.

"Just so you know, I don't _care_ if I die," she shrugged. "I don't have anything to live for anyway. Now that you're a dick to me."

"Don't say shit like that to me. I don't want anything to happen to you," But she was in school for something, he knew. She couldn't be there for _nothing._ She was in there, she _had _to be… "You don't want to die and I don't _want_ you to die..."

"Then why won't you love me?" She asked, roughly.

He looked really hard at her….but he couldn't _see_ her. "I can't love someone I don't _know_…." It killed him…he'd regret it _forever_….

"I may as well be dead, right?" She smirked. "Your precious little girlfriend/sister, _whatever_ I was, isn't in this body anyway." She paused. But he was back pedaling _fast._ He wished he hadn't said he didn't know her…he didn't _mean_ to make it worse…

"What, why do you _look_ like that?" she asked, snottily. His face was pale, he was _sad._

He shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have begged…but he had to try…He was weak. It _wouldn't_ be the last time he'd plead. He'd do it again, over and over… But he needed this…now…

"You confuse me so badly…you don't' even know…I…don't leave me, Elena…" he pled. "I don't care how _ridiculous_ I sound begging you… I know you're in there. _Please_, I need you. I need you to come _back_. I miss my friend. You can _still _come back…just get in the car..."

"Bullshit," she shrugged. "You're just afraid of what you're turning me into. You don't need me. You never will, right? You made that choice. Let me make mine. I'm done here, how about you?" She waited for a response.

"Yeah, I guess so…" he licked his dry lips. "Keep your shoes _on_," he warned, slamming his car door and driving away, leaving her to cry as she walked in the dusty trail…

* * *

><p>He'd have given anything to save her back then…save her from the pain and suffering…save her from herself. Maybe he could've if he kept on trying…if he'd been honest with her, with himself, with <em>them. <em>

But now, when she actually _would_ want him to save her…he could do nothing. He was useless.

He sat there and stared at her, the memories flashing through his brain. He'd said so many things to her, he'd pushed her so hard…. But now, she looked so _innocent_. He wasn't sure who he loved more…his little friend or _this_ version of her…she'd come so far…_beaten_ so much. He'd forgiven her…and she didn't _hate_ him anymore. They _needed_ to fix this…

She'd been sent to the emergency room and given some fluids. They'd said she'd been dehydrated…that she'd thrown up so much and she'd had nothing left to keep her going… They ran countless tests on her…poked her, prodded her… all while he watched in complete freak out mode. He was surprised they'd let him stay while they stuck her with needles and IVs…they said he should go get some rest…but he'd begged them enough until he'd gotten his way…

He sat in a blue chair on her bedside, staring at her.

"But it's bigger than just dehydration, isn't it, doc?" He whispered when they'd told him she needed fluids and should be waking up soon. "She's been sick for weeks…"

"That's something we need to discuss with miss Gilbert, sir."

"I'm family," he swallowed.

"There are laws. I'm _sorry_…"

So he'd waited. He'd watched her eyelashes flutter in her sleep. She was _fighting_ something. Was she fighting to see him again? Was she fighting for _them_?

She moved slowly, starting to wake about two hours after she'd been admitted. She turned back and forth a few times and reached her hand out. She immediately felt his hand on hers and blinked her eyes open, clearing her vision.

"I'm in the hospital," she managed. "What happened? Oh, God…" she frowned.

"I found you in the bathroom…you'd thrown up everywhere…you were unconscious. I thought you'd hit your head, but you were okay," his eyes were red and puffy, she noticed. He'd been crying. _For her_. "Elena, I've never been more _scared_ in my life…you looked so…I'm…"

"I'm okay, right? Did they…did they do tests on me?" Her voice was dry. She looked at him as if she needed answers. She needed _him. _His emotions were so rampant…he felt like he could _die_…he never thought she'd _look_ like she needed him again…

"Yes, tons and tons of tests. Blood tests, blood pressure checks, the whole nine yards… you're _dehydrated, _Lena. I told you, you should've drunk that water…" he didn't want to be mean, he was just so _worried_. "They said they need to talk to you without me…but I didn't want to leave. I begged them to tell me…" His words were softening her. He was _sweet_. He was genuinely worried...he _cared_, she knew.

"You don't look so good yourself. Maybe we should plug one of those IVs into you…" her dry lips turned upward in a small smile. She _would_ try to lighten the moment, just then…just to cover the fear…

"Elena…I'm _scared shitless_ right now. You can't pass out on me like this…you can't _do_ this to me," he rubbed his two flat palms up and down his face, ruffling his hair on the uptake.

"Sorry to make you mad," she frowned.

"It's not that, I didn't mean to snap… I'm not _angry_. I'm _terrified_. I can't lose you."

She was moved by his concern. He looked like he was losing his damn mind…. It was _beautiful,_ in a way, to see him this way over _her_, she thought.

"I'm awake, I'm talking…and whatever those tests say…. It's over. I've been dreading coming to the doctor for weeks. Lucky for me, I was unconscious for it and you didn't have to drag me in…"

"Lena…" he swallowed. "I thought I wanted to know what was wrong…. I begged the doctors…but now I'm not so sure. I know, I know, I sound like an idiot. I told you last week we had to find out…but now that I saw you like this…I don't want to see you like this ever again," he laid it all out. "I _hate_ that you're hurting. Why does this always happen to _you_?" He asked, leaning his chin down in his hands on her bed. "Why can't_ I _be the one to get hurt?"

"You _did_," she whispered. "I hurt you for years. That's enough. I _deserve _this," she said. She was thinking aloud, now. "I wouldn't wish pain on _anyone_. But I don't _want_ to _die_, Damon…."

"Stop it," he shook his head. "You are _not_ dying." He stared in her eyes. "God won't take you away from me, too. He's taken everyone else I love…" his words slowed…she got it, but not really. She knew he would always love her as a friend, as a sister. She didn't know he meant he was _in_ love with her…and he wouldn't say it just then….

"I'm sorry I've been a bitch to you, I'm sorry I spent years doubting you…" she said honestly. "I can't get those years back and now I might not have any time to _fix_ us, after all. I lied years ago when I said I didn't want to fix us, Damon…you know that now, right? I wanted you so badly…I just chose _stupid _ways to prove it…I lied. But now it's different, you know… I do want something…Have I made it _clear_ what I want?" she swallowed.

She hadn't….but he was too scared to say anything that might make this _harder…_

"Miss Gilbert," the doctor came in. "I need a word with you. We need to discuss your results."

"Damon can stay," she squeezed his hand. "I need him." Damon's heart dropped into his chest again, this time from sheer _bliss_ at her words. She _needed_ him…

"I'm not sure you want your brother to be in here when I tell you this," he cleared his throat. "It might be personal."

Elena's eyes widened at Damon in question. With her eyes she asked 'brother?' and he shot back a 'had to' type of look right back at her. They were communicating with their _eyes_…as they had as children. They'd always known what the other was thinking…

"No, really. I want him in here. Go ahead. Lay it out there. What is it, doc? HIV? Cancer? Something I've never heard of…?"

"No and no," he smiled. "But there _is_ something growing inside of you…" Elena squinted at the doctor's expression. He almost looked as if he was _smiling_…

Growing inside of her? A tumor…it had to be…she _knew_ it…

"Excuse me, but we're going to need a little more information than _that_," Damon said seriously, as if the doctor wouldn't elaborate anymore on the topic. As if he'd leave it at that….

"Elena…you're pregnant." He said seriously.

Damon's jaw dropped open. Pregnant? That _fucking_ test was _wrong_? He knew it! He knew the crying over nothing and the random throwing up and dizziness weren't anything bad… she was _way_ too emotional. Just yesterday she'd cried because he wouldn't go get her lemonade at 11 pm when they were preparing for their speech.

* * *

><p>"I really need it, please. I've never wanted lemonade this badly in my life."<p>

"I'll get you some tomorrow. Settle down and focus. It's like you're everywhere but _here_ tonight, Elena. You're pacing around…what's going on? Are you sick again?"

"Don't tell me to settle down. I know what I need…I need that lemonade. I can't focus until I have it." Her tears were starting up again. "I guess I'll just go out and get it myself. But I'll have to pull over so I can _throw up_ every few minutes…"

Good God.

"Not going, sorry. We're busy here."

"Ass" she blubbered, walking into the back office. _Here we go_, _again_, he thought.

* * *

><p>It made <em>so<em> much sense….

But pregnant? Really? Once he'd picked his jaw up off the ground he couldn't help but smile. His eyes shot to her and she was frozen in her spot.

Pregnant…not dying. Pregnant…no HIV, no _cancer_…. This was _amazing_… but she was still afraid. They'd talked…but not nearly enough to have cleared everything up enough to go into this with clean air between them. "I took a test…it said I wasn't…I…" she was shaking. But she was _happy_. She wasn't just that she wasn't _dying_…this happy feeling floating in her heart was for this _baby_…

It had nothing to do with relief. Her eyes slid from the doctor's to _his._ He was grinning…wildly, crazily. He couldn't be stopped….his heart was pounding…it was almost as if she could _see_ it beating out of his chest. Her hands were sweating…

"It isn't that rare to get a false negative…trust me, you're _pregnant._" He assured her. "Miss Gilbert, you need to take better care of yourself. You can't let yourself go… you need to eat and drink…this morning sickness will go away…"

"Morning sickness?" She laughed. "Try all _day_ sickness,"

"Yeah…" Damon frowned. "It's true…"

"You need to press through it and _eat_. You need to drink water and _sleep_. You're not just taking care of yourself anymore…you have someone else to worry about now."

"I'm so tired," she swallowed. "I'm so sick…"

"Then find someone who can _help_ you. Someone likes you enough to have done this to you…" was a doctor supposed to say that? Damon's eyes narrowed and Elena blushed... "It's okay to need help."

"I know," she sighed, looking at Damon. "Thank you doctor…"

"I'll give you some time here…" he looked between them, absolutely confused. "We're going to keep you for a while…run some more fluids through you, do some more tests to make sure you're really okay. But when you go home, you'd be wise to think about what I said. Take it _easy_…you'll need to call your doctor and schedule an exam soon..."

As soon as the door clicked Damon walked over to her bed and sat next to her. She scooted up, leaning her back against the pillow. "I knew it, Elena…" he whispered. "I wanted to believe it so badly…but none of it made sense when that test was negative…"

"I'm shocked, Damon…" she admitted. "I really thought it was going to be something _bad_..."

"Are you angry with me…are you angry we _did_ that and let _this_ happen….? We were irresponsible…" he sighed. "I mean _I'm_ not…I'm happy, I…maybe it doesn't make sense. Everything's so mixed up with you and I…"

"No," she shook her head. "This could've been _anything_. I could've been _dying_, Damon. But I'm not. Instead I'm _living_…_really_ living. We made a _life_. All this bad shit that happened to me…and I still get _this_…" she touched her stomach for the first time since she'd known. She knew she wouldn't feel anything. It was too soon. But it was _in _there…_their_ baby…a life that had sprung out of _years_ of love and passion and friendship… this baby could _never_ be a burden… "I feel _lucky_…."

Her eyes were watery and her voice was thick. He was getting choked up…. They'd been through this already…thinking they'd be parents. But this time it was real. They _had_ to get themselves worked out. They needed to talk, to fight, to scream, to cry…. swear, slam doors…whatever it took….

It wasn't like they _had_ to be together to have this baby…to raise it. But he wanted to. He didn't just want this baby. He wanted _her_…

He took a chance. He let his warm hand slide up to her stomach to rest on top of _her_ hand. He stared at their hands…afraid to meet her eyes. This was _complicated_…but it felt so good…

They sat in silence for hours, holding hands on her stomach and watching her IVs flow into her body. She'd been through _hell _in her twenty eight years…but not anymore…_He'd_ never let anything happen to her again….

It was written in the stars for decades…this was supposed to happen. They were supposed to meet. They were supposed to _fight…_fall apart. And they were supposed to make this baby. It was time they realized they were _always_ meant to be a family….

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, so we know now that Elena's not dying. No cancer, no diseases. I couldn't do that to them…not when she's come so far. She's risen above so much... It would've been so epic and tragic and made for an amazingly sad story…but it's not what happened this time around A baby is epic enough without as many tears I hope you understand why she had that false reading the first time around. She needed to realize that she and Damon could **_**want**_** to work things out and be something, even if they didn't **_**have **_**to. Now that she realizes she's actually pregnant, they've already started taking steps. She knows he's not just doing it for the kid…he's doing it for her.**

**She's realizing her feelings, but he already knows what he feels. In the coming chapters we'll see how it all unfolds…the talks…the pregnancy...etc… And we'll go back in time to see the funeral, the burial and the night it all happened…. Thank you so much for reading! Honestly…. **


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: A humongous thank you for the reviews so far! Amazing, so thank you. **

**Most of you are breathing a sigh of relief, still, regarding Elena's results. Some of you are still skeptical because they are still so mixed up, and that's good. I love opinions and am so interested to hear them. **

**This chapter we'll delve into Elena's head and into a bit of Damon's thoughts and feelings about his relationship with John. John has been a central hub for both of them during the estrangement…and it's done both good and bad.**

**It's a slow and wonderful journey for them right now. **

**So please enjoy and review. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 13**

**"Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lie."**

**-"Some Nights", Fun.**

"Prego pops? Damon what are these….?" She scrunched up her nose, flipping over the colorful package. He'd said he was running to the store to 'get a few things' but he'd returned with three bags of nonsensical pregnancy paraphernalia. The more she dug around, the crazier she realized he really _was_…but it was absolutely adorable.

"They're supposed to help with your nausea," he smiled, proud of his find. "Now you can suck on those all day and you won't have to hurt so much. And look," he wiggled his eyebrows, "they come in an assortment of fun flavors." She smiled and rolled her eyes. He really was so _sweet_ most of the time.

Things were clicking into place with _this_ faster than they should've been, she knew. He was cautious and protective...but not in the ways that one bothered her.

She was propped up on his fluffy couch, her feet on his coffee table. It had been two weeks since they'd found out, and she was roughly 10 weeks along. She felt _lazy_. She wasn't sore…just _tired_. All she wanted to do was pass the time...move ahead a few months…have this kid…and stop being irritable. She wasn't even showing and she already felt awkward. The hormones were cramping her style…big time.

"How are you today?" He sat next to her, pulling out a grape sucker from the bag. "Can men eat these?" He twisted it around in his finger.

"I'm _sure_…" she laughed. "And to answer your _first _question, I'm bored. I'm _really_ bored. I'm not on bed rest…I _can_ work, you know. I'm barely pregnant…this is _nothing_," she pointed to her stomach that was starting to harden. "Maybe it would do me some good to get back in the store. My ultrasound is in a few days...I'm sure everything will be fine," she sighed. "And then you can rest assured."

"Nothing's happening at the store anyway," he sighed, throwing his head backwards. "Nothing too unusual, at least. Though I think we were a little busier yesterday than the day before." His tone rang with disappointment and worry.

"We need to hire someone," she suggested, unwrapping an orange sucker. He had to look away as she started to suck on it. It _did_ things to him. And God knows they wouldn't be doing _that_ again _anytime soon_. They hadn't even talked about the first time.

"Once I really am humongous and crabby, I really _won't_ be able to work….you can't do this by yourself." She said seriously.

"If I have to, I will. I'm not sure we can afford to hire anyone else right now. We need a _miracle_ to happen…someone _big_ to come into town and make a big deal out of our store. I'm _worried_. If I have to work all day every day…even _Sunday_…I will."

"You're going to get run down…then _neither_ of us will be any good for the other. Or our store."

"I'll take more vitamins. You're on your prenatal vitamins. Do they make those for Dads? Some kind of vitamin to give us energy to take care of the _mommy_…" he smiled lopsidedly. He _liked_ calling her that…it make him feel _good_. And it wasn't just because he felt powerful that he'd _done_ it to her…though what man didn't? It was more so that the thought of a _maternal_ version of her was just so _sexy_….

"We can't fail. Before, it was about keeping that place alive and keeping our memory of _them_ alive…" he swallowed and took a deep breath. This was a topic he was always scared to start talking about with her. "It was about honoring them and _their_ wishes." He admitted. She pulled the sucker out of her mouth and held it in her lap, staring at _it_ instead of him. They couldn't ignore the truth forever, she knew. One day soon, they had to talk.

He continued slowly, "But now…it's not just _our_ legacy. It was…for a short time. But now, all I can think about is how it's our _baby's_ legacy, Lena…" He glanced at her stomach and she looked up to see it. "I know we've only known for a couple of weeks…but suddenly it's _everything_…"

"I know," she whispered. She was still afraid. Afraid of what was happening to her body…the feelings, the changes that would happen. And though he was quick to dispel any worries she had about being a decent mother, the thoughts were still _there_. But they didn't haunt her for long.

Her mother had been a _good _mother. She'd been tough with her, strict. She'd done everything to make sure Elena respected herself…her mind _and_ her body. Damon wasn't the _only_ one she was rebelling against when she'd taken that darker path… she knew it would hurt _Miranda_, too…

And it had…it had _severed_ the connection between them.

A more awkward situation _couldn't_ exist. She'd spent so much time being cruel and cold and distant from her mother…now all she wanted to do was curl in her lap and tell her she was going to be a grandma…

But she couldn't. She was _dead_. Damon had said Miranda _knew_ Elena had visited…she knew before she died in that car accident that her daughter _missed_ her, _loved_ her. She'd never said she forgave her…she didn't think she ever would. But loving and missing her had been big enough…

Elena was a mom now…or she would be soon enough. Those tiny insecurities would bubble up and fizzle out repeatedly. One minute she feared it all…the next she knew could do it. There was a little person inside of her that would look to _her_ as she'd looked up to her mom as a child. Moms weren't perfect, Elena knew. She wouldn't be perfect either…but the damaged side of her couldn't help but think she'd be a _better_ Mom than she remembered Miranda being in those last few years. She wouldn't hurt her kid…not on purpose…

She wasn't sure Miranda really understood what Damon was to Elena back then. She'd seen them as kids, fooling around in his bed…making a _mistake…_

But if she could see them now, like this, sucking on anti-nausea suckers and praying for their business…Elena was _sure_ she'd get it. Elena and Damon were never a joke or a silly childhood romance. They were never puppy love. Their love was so real it hurt. It hurt for _ten years_…and it_ still_ hurt. But it wouldn't hurt forever. Soon she'd see it in his eyes and _know_: the days of real pain were _over_….

"We don't have to remember them for _this_," he said slowly, "even if it changed everything between us," she just listened. "That was _one_ decision, however _large_ and painful it was. But they were so much more to us before that…and your Dad…he was so much more to me than it _after_…" she couldn't help but feel the heat coming off his leg that was pressed against the side of hers.

"Dad loved you," she tipped her head sideways and looked in his eyes. "He gave you a hard time when we were kids because he knew what you'd _be_ to me someday, I think." He smiled at her confession. "It was hard for him to accept I was growing up and becoming interested in boys and _other_ things," she paused to hold back the tears. Talking about her Dad sent waves of emotions through her already emotionally unstable little body.

She continued, "He loved you so much that he didn't want _you_ to be the guy he needed to be worried about. He didn't want to get angry with you for what you'd do to his little girl…for helping me lose so much of my innocence. You were that for me, in ways...just not the way I thought you'd be…" she swallowed.

"But then when things went to hell concerning my mom and your dad…I think he had a hard time separating you from it. You supported it, Damon…you supported something that ended my parents' marriage…but he _still_ loved you." She spoke with passion. It was something she was certain about; John had _always_ wanted Damon to be his son…someway, somehow…

* * *

><p>Damon had shared more special moments with John than <em>Elena<em> had during those ten years of madness. When Damon would wake up in the morning to find Miranda sitting at his kitchen table, reading the newspaper in her robe and watching his father with lustful eyes, he'd _cringe_. All he could see was Elena…her heart breaking…her crawling into some random man's bed to ease the pain…

He loved his father and he loved Miranda. After the pain he'd been in, he wouldn't wish unhappiness on anyone. If they really loved each other, who was he to say anything? He'd made his bed and laid in it. _He'd_ broken up with Elena. His father had encouraged it…but he hadn't forced him to do it.

But John was different. As much as Miranda _didn't_ get the connection between Damon and Elena, John _did._

Once Elena was 'gone' and Damon had come _home_ again, he'd taken him under his wing. Damon spent many nights at John's talking, drinking beers… he'd wander down the hallway and end up sleeping in _her_ bed…laying on her pillow… and John knew why. It was the only way to stay close to her. He'd caught him sleeping with her picture once, but he'd never called him out on it. Damon had worked so hard to prove he'd be _okay_…

But there was no use. _Everyone _knew he'd never get over her…

Once he'd moved out of his parents' house and in with Katherine, things had changed. John became more of a _friend_ to him. Damon had always felt awkward talking about Katherine with him…being with Katherine around him. He'd drop her hand the minute John's eyes landed on them. He'd catch John's eye in the weirdest of moments and his brain would start spinning…remembering. It wasn't just the wedding rehearsal that did him in…he'd been thinking and dreaming of _his_ Elena for years…

He'd willed himself to not say _her_ name as he made love to Katherine. He was lovesick, angry, absolutely lost. But then he'd written his book and he'd found peace. In that version, his little red dragon came _home_…

* * *

><p>"You're a good man, Damon," he'd assured him. "Don't let anyone or anything make you think otherwise. One day, you'll talk to my little girl again. One day she'll realize what she's given up where you're concerned. And I know you'll take her back. I know you'll love her as if nothing happened, because that's the kind of man you are. I hope I see it. I hope I'm there when she finally realizes. I know I told you to forget her…but I know that isn't going to happen. I just wish there was a way you could be happy with her <em>memory<em>…in case she never comes back." It was the night before the car accident, and the last time he'd talk to John before he died. "You've always been her savior. And you'll always be a son to me, regardless if you're with her or not."

"I love you, Pa," he hugged him. "And you know you're right. You know I'll love her for the rest of my life, no matter if it's good or bad for me. I can't love anyone else…I've _tried._ _That's_ the kind of man _I _am…"

* * *

><p>Now Elena stared at her feet, wiggling her bare toes.<p>

"I have regrets, you know," she fumbled through the bags of baby stuff he'd bought, pulling out a back support pillow and smiling. She put in her lap and rested her hands on it, folding them nervously. "I know you said she _knew_…but I wish I would've talked to her when I called _that_ night...and I should've told my Dad I loved him the last time we talked…. A part of me _knows_ it, Damon…I may have been miles away, but I _killed_ them…"

* * *

><p>John had been holding the wheel tightly, forcing himself to remember this was for <em>business<em>. Miranda had come along, too, for other reasons…their relationship was _strange_. It hurt like hell to see his _great_ love in love with another man...and his best friend at that… but her sickness had weakened his anger. He loved her, _them_, too much to live in hate forever. He'd go to the conference, he'd share his ideas with them…and while they'd be in New York…he'd planned to go to his lawyers and finalize the papers. He'd planned to sell his part of the business….

Oh the difference it would've made…if Damon and Elena hadn't shared that business…

John's cell phone rang and he'd answered it when he'd seen Elena's picture flash up on the screen. "Hi, baby."

"Hi, Dad. Listen, I know I said I was thinking of coming back home next month for a few days, but I've changed my mind. Elijah's friends aren't coming over anymore and I don't feel like I need to necessarily leave the house…"

"I wish you would. I miss you, you know?" He sighed. "But I'm happy you called. We're actually up in New York right now…I have something to tell you, but I can't right now…maybe we could meet up somewhere? We'll only be a few minutes away from your place, I'm sure…"

"I really can't, Daddy. I'm busy."

"Oh…okay, sweetie." He said sadly. She hadn't even let him come to _her_.

"Okay, well, I should go, I just wanted to tell you I wasn't coming. I didn't want you to think I'd just stood you up…I'm just…I'm not _there_ yet, Dad. It's stupid, I know. It's been how many years…but I just can't be around him…"

"Maybe someday, sweetheart," he'd said, ending the call.

Miranda sat in the back seat, teary-eyed and regretful. _She _could've called Elena, too…she shouldn't have waited for her daughter to apologize for not supporting her marriage…it was _never_ going to happen. Maybe if she'd taken the first steps, Elena wouldn't have walked the horrible path she had. Instead, all Miranda could do was be embarrassed about what her daughter had done. She'd spent so much time complaining about the daughter she barely knew anymore, but when it came right down to it…she'd lost hope in Elena. Elena wasn't the _only_ one who'd abandoned their relationship….

But with each treatment it became more real. Her chances were slipping away...

"I want to talk to her, John," she said, her voice shaky. Being _sick_ had changed everything...and once she'd found out Elena had visited her, she'd become hopeful. But she, too, hadn't called. It was a mistake on _both_ their parts that they'd never reconnect… but something inside her in _that_ moment begged to talk to her baby again. "I miss her,"

"Miranda, I don't know if that's a good idea right now. She sounded distant…and you're not feeling so well…maybe when we get back and things settle down," John was kind, through the pain. They might not be as they once were, but they'd _always_ share a daughter. "You might say things you don't mean to each other. It might get worse, if that's possible."

"Give me the phone," she leaned in crazily, swiping to grab it. "I need to talk to her. I need to tell her I'm dying…and that I want to see her…" She was out of her seatbelt and halfway up the front of the car when John turned to tell her to sit back down.

"You're distracting him, Miranda," Giuseppe said. "Calm down, honey…we'll pull over if you don't feel well. Maybe we should take a break from driving. We've been driving all day…"

But she wouldn't listen and John _wouldn't_ pull over. He couldn't…not before she blocked his view and he swerved off the bridge…

And while Elena and Damon would never _really_ know what had caused the accident, she'd always know she'd talked to her dad just moments before… In her head it _had_ to be her fault. _Everything_ was.

* * *

><p>"You absolutely did <em>not<em> kill them," he frowned and shook his head. He wrapped his arm around the back of the couch, above her head. It didn't touch her, but if she'd lean back just a little, she'd be wrapped in his warmth. "You need to stop blaming yourself for everything."

"What?" She whispered. Hadn't he wanted her to admit her mistakes, drown herself in misery for awhile before it could just be better?

"I'm glad you want to be accountable for your mistakes, Elena…but you don't have to blame yourself for things that were going down hill _regardless_ of your actions. You and I didn't _make_ our parents fall in love with each other...we didn't split up your parents…and _you_ didn't kill your parents. They died because it was their time," he assured her. "And it was time for _this__. Us_ again..."

"But I _abandoned_ them, Damon. I abandoned all of you…and I let them think they didn't matter to me. I mean, my Dad knew I loved him…but I wasn't as soft and gentle as I used to be. And I know why. It's because I always knew _you_ were so embedded in him, too. You say he reminded you of _me..._but all these years, he reminded me of _you_."

She stared into his clear eyes. He didn't have a glimmer of anger or resentment in his eyes. While she could tell he'd really _heard_ what she was meaning to say, she could appreciate that he didn't seem to dote on it for too long.

"They'd be proud of us…of _this_," he touched her stomach. "It sounds _crazy_, I know, to say our parents would be happy their kids accidentally got pregnant. But I think if they were alive to see this baby growing in you and were alive to see it born…I think it would bring some sort of calm. They weren't _crazy_…Elena. Your Dad was devastated when you mom left him…but he never hated her. He _missed_ her." He smiled sadly. "She was the great love of his life, and my _father_, he was the greatest friend he'd ever had…it was _messed up_ and _painful_…but when your Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, everything changed," A small, pained sound escape from Elena's lips. Her Dad had never told her _why_, or _how_ they'd stayed connected….she'd always wondered _how_ they'd managed to _all_ be in the car the day of the accident…

Damon continued, "He involved himself in their lives again. They'd still run the business together, just on opposite days…but suddenly, in the blink of an eye when she got _sick_, he realized he couldn't just forget her. He didn't want to. He wanted to be her friend, to be her support. And my Dad _let_ him…it was almost like an apology…though they never crossed that bridge that _I_ know of. It would never be the same as it _used_ to be…but they could co-exist. _That's_ how they could all be in the same car the day they died. Miranda was going to a specialist while they were going to the conference….They died together, Elena. They died a _family_…"

Elena felt the tears coming. They came so _easily_ these days, but these weren't over silly things like the realization that her favorite jeans wouldn't fit her in a month. These were honest to God tears that had needed to be shed ages ago. She cried for them. She could free herself from this torture, if she'd let herself. One day it could be a distant memory, not a daily thought. "I think I'd like to go back to see them," she swallowed. "I have some things to say…and I think we should tell them about our baby."

"I'd like to," he smiled. "I have a lot to say to them, too. Things I was afraid to say at the funeral…at the burial. But something's different now…and I know why," he moved his hand from her stomach up to her cheek. "It's because we can talk like this without arguing…we can go see them together and do this _together_….all _three _of us. I'm not alone with it anymore. You were _there_ before…but you weren't."

"I know," she reached up and put her hand on his wrist, holding it on her cheek. She didn't want him to move it.

"I was surprised you were even there…to be honest," he swallowed, treading on high water... "But I figured you wouldn't let your Dad be buried without being able to say goodbye. When the police called me…all I could think about was _you_…" he moved his hand away from her cheek to line up her chin with his face again, as he always used to. "How you'd react, what it would _do_ to you…how you'd be in _more_ pain…"

"I'll tell you one thing," she smiled. "I didn't think when I walked into that funeral home that I'd feel like _this, _like I do now…" she could feel her heart in her throat, and she'd barely said anything at all...

She was slowly letting go…she was letting him see the way she was feeling…it was _beautiful_. Her feelings were important to her, now. She wanted him to feel them, _too_. Eventually she'd work up the courage to find the words to explain what they were. But she knew he was starting to see…because he smiled every time he looked at her now.

He called her _Lena_ and _honey_ and all the things she'd begged him not to, years ago. But she couldn't get enough of those words now….and pregnancy hormones weren't the reason for it in the _least_.

* * *

><p>It was cold and windy the morning of the funeral. He'd <em>seen <em>them… he'd identified the bodies. They'd needed Elena, they said, to identify John…but she wouldn't show…she didn't want to see his _face_…so lost, so gone. He was her _Daddy_…she didn't want to remember him like _that_…

But she'd pushed through those glass doors…she'd forced herself to face her demons…to face Damon, the man who'd more or less _kept_ her from wanting to reconnect with her family for all those years. She'd walked in…and right to John's casket. His picture rested on top of it and she'd fallen to her knees, clutching it. He'd watched her, from across the room. She was _beautiful_…he was certain he'd stopped breathing for a few seconds. The walls were starting to close in on him and he knew what he had to do.

He'd walked up behind her, wanting to crumple on that floor with her. Their _family_ was gone. All the sadness all the pain between them didn't have to _matter_…couldn't they just forget…just for a few days? Was he allowed to touch her shoulder, hug her? Was he allowed to hold her _hand_? This wasn't about _them_…this was about what they'd lost…together. All the poison could just go away…

He'd spent years feeling _sick_ about her. He'd wanted her…he'd _needed_ her…but he'd never reached out to her again. Not after he'd seen her when they were 26. She'd become dangerous after that. She'd almost looked accessible. She looked _neutral._ She didn't look wild or lost. For a second, when he'd walked in on her holding Miranda's hand, she'd looked like her old self. His stomach had bottomed out and he'd felt the butterflies. Just like that, with the snap of two fingers, he _wanted_ her again…in every way.

Seeing her like _that_ had made him question everything. She was a ghost before…but then, suddenly, she'd walked back into his life, if only for a few hours…and she'd messed with his mind.

At the funeral, she'd given him that feeling again…those urges. She gave him the need to pull her into his arms, to comfort her. But it wasn't a brother's love that wanted to help her. And it wasn't _that_ type of comforting he'd give her the next night…

"Elena," he'd whispered, crouching down next to her as she kneeled on the ground in front of the casket, tears pouring onto the glass of John's picture frame. She'd looked at him with the eyes of an _angel_….eyes that had looked at pictures of him for years, but hadn't really _seen_ him…not like they did in that moment. _She_ was there…

She couldn't form words. She could only stare at him with tear filled eyes and _wonder_ at his amazing calm. He was _strong_…so much stronger than she was. They'd both lost so much and it had happened so quickly. Right then, it made her realize how much she'd taken for granted. She'd had a family she didn't want to have anything to do with, until it was too late…

"Daddy…" She was that little girl again, his little friend…so _afraid. _Damon had spent years protecting her, putting band aids on her scraped knees, holding ice packs on her head when she'd bumped it on the playground. That was just _it_. He'd _always_ saved her…it was why it hurt so badly when he hadn't been able to in school.

But now, he could _help_ her…just with a few words, just for a few minutes…she'd let him in…

"I _know_…." He squeezed her hand.

She'd gone to Miranda's casket too. She'd cried and _ached_…but she hadn't _really_ let go of the pain. She hadn't really understood what it meant to lose that connection.

Now she got it. This baby, _her_ baby, was so little, so _new_…but the thought of suddenly not having it made her _sick_. She never wanted to lose that baby…and she'd _never_ push it away…ever…not even if it made bad decisions in the future…not even if it lost its way for a while…

* * *

><p>"So you're really bored at home, huh?" He smiled lopsidedly. He looked at her with soft eyes, wanting to know what she <em>honestly<em> thought. He didn't want to overdo the coddling, but he was afraid she'd get worked up again and something would happen…

And as somewhat threatening Elijah seemed at times, he was right. Elena needed _her_ time, _her_ choices. If she wasn't allowed to make them, she might make worse ones.

"_So_ bored," she sighed. "I think I've read four books this week, Damon. That's a lot for me these days. And I didn't even read them straight through, I got up and walked around and tried to stay busy…I _want_ to go back to work. I know you said I should wait another week…but I think I'm more stressed out about _not_ working than I would be if I were there. I feel the _same_...not worse, not better."

"Okay," he smiled. "But only if you drink lots of water and actually eat this time around. I'm going to buy a mini fridge just so you can keep your stuff there. _Healthy_ food. Salads, fruit…none of this peanut butter chocolate cake _crap_ I saw you eating earlier…and you _wonder_ why the baby makes you throw up." he winked.

"It was good. _So_ good." She sighed. "You know what? You're an overprotective baby daddy," she teased. His mouth curved into a smile so easily…

"Ugh, do _not_ call me that," he laughed and the color in her cheeks rose a little at his smile.

"Fine," she bumped her shoulder into his, "You're an overprotective _Daddy…_" she stuck her tongue out. "Is that better?"

"_Much_ better, and I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very _much_."

"You just _fell_ into this role so quickly," she scrunched her eyebrows up in surprise and smiled. "It's only been two weeks…we haven't even had the ultrasound but you're so..."

"The _baby_ is _real_, Lena. So why should _I_ wait to be real about it? I've thought a lot about this...spent a lot of nights _not_ sleeping…can I say something?" He paused.

"Of course you can," she liked it when they talked like this. She couldn't pinpoint the moment that _that_ had changed. She used to think these emotional talks were all just a way to bring her down…to _guilt_ her about what she had and hadn't done back then. She'd closed herself up so quickly at the first inkling that it might get _too_ emotional…but now she needed his words, _wanted_ to see into his head and feel what _he_ felt about _all _of it. Whatever _that_ may be…

"I didn't have a _bad_ childhood. I had a hard one…I lost my brother when I was little, I lost my mother…and my _dad_ somehow lost himself _with _her…but it was a _decent_ childhood. It wasn't a _dream_ childhood, though, the type you read about in kid's books where the mom and the dad and the little kids play together all day and support each other through everything. Those parts of books were always the _biggest_ parts of the fairytale for me…because they were so unrealistic. My time with you was the best part of being a kid..."

"I'm sorry," she said sadly. "I know what you mean…but my family's happy ending didn't get ruined until I was older, of course…" she sighed. He wouldn't let that little reminder stop him from what he needed to say.

"But my time with you..._that's_ what made it worth it. Whatever we have now, whatever is going on...it's because of our past. I'm not a random man who got you pregnant and now is falling all over himself trying to pick up the pieces. I'm trying to pick them up because we _need__to..._ It wasn't as easy to just _shed_ those feelings, Elena...because we aren't just random teenagers who met at school and had a massive falling out. It wasn't like that at all. We were _always_ family...before the marriage made it _real_...back then it was fun to think of us that way...then suddenly once _our_ love was real...it was a nightmare to think of us as siblings..."

This man was _amazing_ with words, she knew. It was no wonder he'd won over the hearts of kids and parents' alike with his book…

"So no, I didn't have a typical fairytale childhood...But I _want_ that for our baby," he explained seriously. "I know it's going to be hard for a while. You and I are talking like this…we're making legitimate _progress_, I think…" she smiled. "But Elena… we have a long way to go. And we _have_ to do it. If we pretend like nothing happened and just _start_ something…or stay friends or…I don't know…whatever happens…I'll never be content until we've talked." He couldn't believe he'd referred to that _something_ with her. And she hadn't freaked out…

"I know," she nodded. "I think we should plan a night where we can talk," she blew out a mouthful of air, absentmindedly. "We could close the store on a Saturday and stay up all night…hash this out."

"That _doesn't_ sound good for the baby," he warned. "Or the mommy…or _me_, who am I kidding?" He shrugged, smiling.

"Because you're _so_ _tired,_" she teased with a pouty face. He opened his mouth to defend himself and she put her finger against his lips to hush him. "I'm _kidding_, Damon. I know you're tired. Did I not just say you were going to be worn out and be no good to any of us?"

Her fingers felt smooth on his lips. Her fingernails sharp against his pout. He remembered the last time she'd hushed like like that. It was 10 weeks ago…

He put his fingers around her wrist and pulled it down into his lap. Those thoughts were _not_ happening right now.

"But you're right, Elena. We need to lock ourselves up somewhere and _talk_. I hope there won't be a lot of yelling, though, because if we're _here_, my neighbors get really crabby…"

"I can't promise I won't get upset. I have a lot to say to you…a lot to get out," she explained. "We better not do it here. Your neighbors don't need to hear a crazy pregnant lady crying all night. Mine already have to deal with it. It's not easy having to get up and stumble to the bathroom or get motivated to do anything right now. I've always _hated_ crying…"

Things weren't easy for her, he knew. It was easy for him, to buy her things, make sure she was okay during the _day_...but at night, she was alone...scared with her feelings.

"Would you consider letting me help you?" He asked sweetly. This was the moment when he'd show her he'd support her, through everything. "I know you can handle yourself and you can support yourself and the baby…but I'd like it if I could help you somehow."

"You just bought me all this stuff," she lifted the bag. "And as soon as you leave I'm going to sit here and try to figure out what a sleep sheep is." She laughed, raising it in the air.

"It's so the baby can hear soothing _sounds_, duh," he smiled, "_When_ it can hear, that is. Not for a while…but I couldn't resist. And I thought maybe you could use it, too…and if you don't, I _definitely_ will, because sleep these days…" he started rambling, feeling somewhat embarrassed at his random shopping spree. Half the things weren't even applicable right now…

"You're thoughtful," she stood up, mirroring his motion. "I tease you, but only because it's _kinda_ cute when you get all pouty" she admitted. His heart was _pounding_ at this. She pinched his cheeks and he caught her hands in his. "You're _sweet_ to me, Damon. Even though I don't deserve it."

"You deserve it," he smiled. "And we'll see how cute you think I am when I suggest when I'm about to suggest…" he sighed, nervously.

"Would you ever consider letting me stay with you? Or staying with me?" he held his breath. "We could stay in separate rooms and I'd give you your space. You wouldn't even know I was there…unless you wanted me to be there..." he suggested.

"Not right now," she smiled sadly. "I love everything you're doing…the cute little baby stuff you got and everything you're doing for me…but I need space, still. I _care _about you, Damon. Right now it _is_ all rainbows and sunshine…but it can't just go from day to night like that without a little dusk in between. We need to talk before we fall into _anything…" _

"So you've _thought_ about it…." He breathed. He didn't mean to jump to any conclusions, but his heart was talking before his _mind_ could _think_.

"I have," she nodded, her face staying serious now, not showing any indication of it going either way. "Of course I have. I'm pregnant with your child, Damon. We'll always be _something_ now…no matter what." Her lips turned upward, but his turned into a frown. He loved their baby but this wasn't just about _that_. He needed to talk to her about _them._

But his fears were stilled. She walked up to him and smoothed a piece of stray hair against his head and smiled. "But I think I'm starting to realize, through _everything,_ we might have_ always_ been something _anyway_…baby or no baby. I just had to come _home_…"

Miraculous words...so tender from her lips. Her honesty was beautiful.

"Don't rush what you're not ready for, Elena…" He didn't want to say it, but rushing her would be _worse_. He couldn't have her kissing him and saying she loved him and then start running the other direction as soon as she woke up and realized what she'd done… He didn't want _any _of that, unless it was for _sure_ this time.

"Already did that, right? But we'll be _ready_ for this…" she frowned a little, touching her stomach. "We need to talk about _that_, too, you know." His eyes focused on her stomach. It was so flat right now…but he could picture it in a few months. If it was real _now_…it would be really real then…

"I'm okay with staying up all night Saturday night, if _you_ are. Maybe we could go to the cemetery when we close up the shop, then grab some dinner and go back to the store to talk. But the minute you look sick or start getting tired, we're going to sleep. No arguments."

"Deal," she smiled. He reached out his hand to solidify the deal, but as his arms spread open, he felt her fall into them. She lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek again, as she had the night of the dinner. He could get used to _this_. "Thanks for being an overprotective Daddy. I give you crap but baby Salvatore and I appreciate it."

She walked into the kitchen and peeked into his fridge. "So, when do the cravings start?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There it is: a peek into Damon's head during the gaps; a little insight into his relationship with John…and why it was the way it was. If anyone understood **_**that**_** type of love it was John. Look what he had to go through with Miranda, and yet he still loved her AND Giuseppe after what they'd done. It's so parallel to Damon. It's a dangerous kind of love…but DE have always teetered on the edge in this story.**

**So Elena wants something with him, but she's not naïve enough to believe it can happen automatically. They'll have their talk, they'll have their ultrasound and all that fun stuff… there's lots to see **

**Thank you!**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter has been clawing away at me for awhile now. It's a bit of a tease to the big one. We start off with the burial and will flow into their big Saturday events. We'll finally see what got them into that bedroom...and they'll start to talk about their biggest mistakes...**

**The structure of this chapter is designed to show the extreme differences between them now versus 10 weeks ago. We'll see how they were with each other versus how they are together now. We've slowly seen the changes happening, now they just need to talk.**

**Elena shares a special, much needed conversation with someone in this one. It's important and it might be the best part of it all...**

**Thanks for your thoughts!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 14**

It was cold, windy again. The air was damp, thick. It had started to rain as the service had ended...even the _earth_ mourned their parents' deaths, it seemed.

"So that's it then," Damon's hand was pressed up against a tree in the cemetery. His eyes were fixated on three mounds of dirt. Three mounds that would soon mold into the landscaping and be topped with headstones… three reasons his world would _never_ be the same.

The service had finished 45 minutes ago but they hadn't moved. He was afraid to do or _say_ anything to her. So instead, he _stared_…

When they were kids, he'd never thought they'd see this day together…never thought they'd _lose_ everything all at once, and be left to fend for themselves in the heap of shit _they'd_ created….

His face felt tight and sore from wincing, from holding back the crazy sobs that wanted to erupt from his chest. He'd held them in for _her_…the woman he hadn't seen in two years. She was kneeling, her black, sleeveless dress rising as her legs rested in the damp grass and dirt. Her tears were falling onto the mound above John, making muddy pools. Her sadness, her biggest regrets were _soaking_ into that ground…

Damon's eyes cast over to his _mother's_ grave. Her plot was settled, worn. It had been _years_ since he'd lowered her into the ground. But now his parents would be together again. Giuseppe had been buried between Miranda and Arianna. It was a _strange_ situation. Their parents had bought burial plots in the same area of the cemetery together as soon as they'd bought the business. The realization of just how _long_ she'd been gone _hit_ him. So much had happened…he'd _grown up_.

If their parents could've seen them then, they'd have wanted them to forget _everything_ and move forward. Elena wouldn't be that fallen angel and Damon wouldn't be the savior who hadn't done his job…

But even _angels_ knew it wouldn't all just melt away so easily…

"I think I'd like to stay here a little while," she managed to say. Her voice was scratchy, worn and tired from _not_ holding in her sobs. Her throat felt swollen with emotion. For once, she was _spent_ when it came to him. She didn't have any desire to make a smart ass comment or to push his buttons. She didn't want to guilt him or make him feel like he was to blame for the life she'd led. She just wanted to ignore it, just for a little while…until things settled down. They didn't have to address it, not ever. Any thought of _feelings_ would bring even more pain…

They could pretend they didn't know each other, maybe… They could work side by side, or she could sell her portion of the business to someone or to him. He could have his fairytale job. She didn't need to be reminded of what that place had _done_.

"I have a better idea," he crouched down by her, small, thin body. She was tinier than he remembered. "Why don't we get out of here?" He wasn't sure what he would get himself into by suggesting they leave, but she was getting to him. He hadn't seen her in two years. She seemed distant, but every now and then he'd see the flicker of his old friend…and he was _grasping_ for it. "We have to be in New York in two days to meet with the lawyer. But I don't feel like hanging around here right now…I need to _go, _Elena."

"I _live_ in New York. Of course I want to go back as soon as possible. But I know it's only for a short time. Soon I'll be _forced_ to come back here, change my life…" Her chest was tight with emotion. She'd be _forced_ to deal with her _feelings_ was more like it…

"Let's not talk about that right now, hm? We're hardly _there_, Elena. They're barely in the ground…how about a little reprieve from the drama, just for tonight? How about for one night we don't look at each other like _that_," he pointed at her frowning face.

She didn't understand _why_, but he was being _nice_ to her. He hadn't said one negative thing toward her all day or at the funeral…he wasn't pushing her away at all. She'd spent years trying to convince herself _and_ him that she didn't need him or didn't want to have anything to do with him…but one single phone call and three dead parents later…she didn't have the _strength_ to lie to herself anymore. She missed him. She was _relieved_ to see him there, handsome and _single_. He didn't have to _know_ that…but she was. A tiny part of her felt _crazy_ that she could just snap right into this. He _couldn't _know what he did to her…she'd spent ten years trying to get that smile out of her brain…

"Fine, for tonight," she agreed. Maybe they could grieve their parents like a _normal_ family for once. Maybe none of the poison that flowed between them had to matter…

"We should leave tonight," he scrunched his eyebrows in concern.

"I'm not interested in hanging out with you," she said seriously. The words _sounded_ bitter, but inside she reminded herself _not_ to fight. She'd become so _accustomed_ to biting his head off any time he got _close_ to getting under her skin. She didn't want to _feel_ like this…not tonight. She didn't have it in her… she'd abandoned them, she thought, the least she could do was keep calm.

"Okay, well…I'll get a hotel somewhere, you can go home…we won't have to rush around so much to get there in time. I don't want to be in Mystic Falls right now…come on, Elena…" his eyes begged her. He wasn't sure it was _okay_ for him to let himself be so open with her, but he _needed_ her back. He needed to mend them, and quick. If they were ever going to run their business, they couldn't _act_ like they had for a decade.

He'd thought by now he wouldn't need her…but not a day went by that he'd been able to believe it would ever happen…

_She_ was reminding herself to be _nice_, but he was remembering to keep his head on straight. She'd actually let him _comfort_ her for the last few days…but it didn't mean _she_ was back…right? Did the _death_ of the problem _erase_ the problem? He didn't _think_ so…

"I'm going tonight. Whatever _you_ do, you _do_, I guess," he stood up and brushed off his black pants. "I guess I'll see you in a couple days then, at the lawyers."

"Sure," she wiped her eyes. She felt it…her heart clenching…the familiarity of _needing_ him. She'd convinced herself for years that she wouldn't _ever_ feel so strongly about him again…he'd sent her into a downward spiral she almost hadn't pulled herself out of… but he was _Damon_…and being there, with him, mourning the last of their family had calmed her frustrations, somehow…

He made her _angry_. He made her _sick_. She watched him walk to his car and suddenly she was up and walking quickly to him, her heels sticking in the mud. She wasn't sure what she felt...

She just _followed_ him…

* * *

><p>But now, ten weeks later, a <em>smile<em> graced her face. She wasn't _happy_ to be talking to her parents graves instead of _them_, but it didn't hurt _quite _as much this time. She had _good_ news to share with them.

"The headstones look nice," she smiled, tracing her finger along the letters that spelled her mother's name.

"They were just placed," he nodded. "Feels final," he sighed. "Do you think they can see us from up there?" he squinted and raised his eyes to the sky. The sun was setting now.

"Maybe. Maybe they already _know_ they're going to be grandparents," she placed a rose on her mother's grave, and then walked over to sit by her dad's. "Can you picture him holding our baby? I don't know whether he'd be awkward or _amazing_ about it." She remembered her dad going into sheer panic the first time she'd mentioned sex.

"Amazing, for sure. _My_ dad, on the other hand, he'd be fumbling around all over the place. I'm sure of it. But he had a soft spot for little ones once he got used to them…so I think in time he would've been great."

"Would you mind if I talked to my mom alone for a minute?" She exhaled. This was a _good_ thing, he knew. She wasn't shutting him out. She just needed time, space. He shook his head and smiled, walking over to sit against a tree again. He couldn't hear a _word_ she was saying, but he knew it was _beautiful_.

"Hi, Mom…" she swallowed. "There are things I wish I would've said and would've done differently, Mom. I wish I wouldn't have let my problems with _you_ affect my relationship with Damon…and I wish I wouldn't have let my problems with _him_ affect my relationship with you… it was a vicious cycle that wasn't ever able to end until it was forced to," she sighed. "I'm not sure I will ever understand how you could cheat on Dad, especially with _Giuseppe_. And I guess I'll always be upset that it broke our family. But mainly, my regrets come from _my_ decisions. One of us needed to take that first step, Mom….but we were both too stubborn to do it, I guess.

"I know I was a bad daughter…" she felt the tears flowing. "I made a lot of hurtful decisions to hurt _others_ and I ended up hurting myself. I let a man come between us, but so did you." She was wise, wiser than she'd let on. She'd had _years_ to process the whys and hows…but she hadn't shared her insight with anyone other than Elijah. He'd kept her secrets…then begged her to remember them every time she looked at Damon…

She touched her stomach and smiled. "Something's happened, Mom. If you were alive I might be petrified to tell you this…but then again, if you were alive this probably would've never happened. You might already know this…but I'm pregnant. It's _his_, Mom." She paused, catching her breath as it jumped in her chest.

"I've made a lot of bad decisions…I _know_…" she wiped a tear. She looked over her shoulder at Damon who was picking blades of grass, waiting. He was doing some thinking of his own, she knew. "And the circumstances that it happened under might have been a mistake…but I _don't_ regret it," She needed to be honest with her Mom…even if it was too late. She could admit it to herself and to her Mom…it was simple enough… But how could she ever put into words what she really _felt_ about him…about _everything_?

"I've loved him for years, Mom…I_ know _you didn't think it was real when we were kids. You once said I didn't know what love was…that I was too young, hadn't experience enough of life to '_get it_.' So I forced myself into a _lot_ of life, things you and _I_ both wish I hadn't…and you know what? I _realized_ something. I _always_ 'got it.' It's still there. I _still_ love him…just as much, maybe more…"

"Damon's a _good_ man. He's a _grown_ man, Mom. He could run away, he could push me away and make me feel bad for everything I've done to this family, _to you_…but he hasn't. He's taken responsibility for _this_," she smiled. "We both have. I feel like I have to try so hard to convince you of this…but really, I'm sure you're up there smiling, knowing everything I feel but cannot say. You probably see everything the way it's _supposed_ to be…without any hurt or pain, right? It's probably so easy to line Damon and I up and fix us in _that_ world up there where you are…. But he and I _aren't_ perfect here… we have a _lot_ to work on. I'm a guilty party, but he's not innocent…" She swallowed.

"But that's the _thing_, Mom…I don't _care_ about that anymore. We have to talk about it just to clear the air…but I _can't_ let it haunt me anymore. Once it's done, it's done. I need to realize what I'm losing out on…" she looked back at him again. He'd stood up and brushed the dirt off his pants again. "He's amazing," she sighed.

"But I need to tell him that in my own way. I need to prove to him who I am _now_….show him that I'm invested in working on this. I could talk to you for _hours_, Mom. But I'll save some conversation for next time. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I'm sorry. We'll never be _alive_ and on the same page about what happened…but in that perfect place you live in now, maybe you can see that I wish we could be. Thanks for listening…" she trailed off, waving him over.

Her tears had dried in streaks on her cheeks. He waited for an indication of what had just happened, but she simply nodded. "I'm okay," she assured him. He walked over to John's grave and tucked a picture of the ultrasound in a holder.

"You really can't see much, Pa…but it's there. The little heart is _strong_, and…" he sighed. "We'll bring you a better one in a few months when you can actually see it." Elena's heart fluttered at the scene before her. Damon still wanted to share everything with her father…even _now_…

"I think I'm ready to go now, if you are," she said. "I think we should bring dinner to the bookstore…I don't really want to sit in a restaurant and be _nervous_ the whole time we eat…" he could appreciate her honesty.

"As long as you eat I don't care _where_ we are," he assured her, patting her on the shoulder. "And don't be _nervous_. This is _good_. This is _exactly_ what we need."

This time, they'd walk away together. She'd put her hand in his and walk _with him_….

* * *

><p>They'd done this before. Ten weeks ago they'd left those graves and embarked on a whole <em>different<em> type of night.

"Scotch, straight up," Damon said, slamming his hand on the bar counter. "Actually, get _tw_o ready. I'm going to the need the _second_ in _a_ second," he frowned.

"Bad night, huh?" the bartender asked, his eyes shifting to the woman walking in the door across the room. He smiled, but Damon hadn't caught it.

"Bad _decade_," he swallowed down the first drink.

He'd boarded that plane with Elena…he'd watched her across the aisle, crossing and uncrossing her legs the entire time. He'd had too much time to think whatever he wanted about her without having to face her. He hadn't spent this much time _near_ her in a long time. A decade's worth of bitterness didn't change the fact that she was deadly attractive and he _loved_ her. And now, every reason they'd ever had for ending it had just faded away...

She was infuriating, but she was _powerful_… he needed to relax, he knew. He downed his first drink.

He was going to have to learn to be near her every day, if she kept her part of the business… "Three people _left_ my life and one very confusing one walked back _in_." He spun the empty glass and moved to take the next. "Confusing and _sexy_," the alcohol was already doing it's job on him. He was confessing.

The bartender had just opened his mouth to respond when Damon heard someone crashing into the bar stool next to him. A mass of brown hair fell onto the counter and she scooted herself in to the counter. "A long island," she ordered. "Actually, _two_. It seems we're drinking in _twos_…" she pointed to Damon's empty glasses. She looked out the corner of her eyes to see him staring. She'd changed into a silky strapless dress. It was 9 p.m. and she looked like she was ready to stay out for a while… and he was ready to _watch_ her for a while.

But the real question was, what was she _doing_ there?

"What?" she frowned a little and her heels clicked into the metal rungs of her stool. She licked her lips as the bartender slid her drinks to her.

Here it came, she figured, the _scolding_…

"Elena…." He stared into her eyes, shooting her a warning. He'd seen her drink before. She could get _wild_, crazy. The last few moments that he'd _begged_ her outside of her bar to reconsider the way she was living had _not_ turned out well. Maybe _this_ night wouldn't either if he didn't let her do her own thing...

"I'm a big girl now, Damon," she sipped her drink, pulling the lemon up to her lips, her mouth forming squiggle at the tartness. "I can handle my alcohol." And she'd need it, she thought, if she was going to make good on the promise she'd made to herself. He'd said he wanted to forget. But she'd taken it completely _different_ than he'd meant her to.

"Can you?" He started to press her, but immediately backed off. _Forget_…

"Yes," she nodded. "Klaus," she called the bartender over. "Two shots…you know what I like, right?" she smiled, winking. She'd play the _dangerous_ game again…the one where she'd shamelessly flirt in front of Damon, praying it would have some sort of affect…

"Klaus?" He said quickly. "What, you're on a first name basis?" Damon frowned, pushing his empty scotch glasses to the side. She shrugged as Klaus slid two shot glasses toward her.

"I _live_ in New York, Damon. Does it really surprise you that I know people?" She fumbled in her purse, looking for her lipstick.

"Well you worked in a different bar so…" he stopped when she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you don't have to baby me," she took a shot. "I haven't forgotten where I worked. How could I? The interesting part, though, is that _you're_ bringing it up. Didn't you just say you wanted to forget all the drama, just for tonight?"

"Is that second shot for you, too?" He asked. "Hm…."

"Don't get all goody goody on me now. Jesus…" she took a long draw from her Long Island."It's rule number _two_," she held up two fingers, _"_after all." She smiled. "You should know. You're the one holding me to them."

She wore a wicked smile as she teased him. Referring to their childhood was a _weakness _of his. He reminded himself _she_ wasn't there…_Elena_ wasn't there…this woman in a thin, grown version of her body _wasn't_ her…. through the alcohol and _want_ he _had_ to remember...

But no matter how hard he tried, he just kept _seeing_ her… _Her_ eyes, _her_ little smile. It was deadly. They wanted to forget everything _bad_ for just one night? _Fine_, he thought, _as long as it's not too hard to deal with tomorrow._ She'd be going home and he'd be going up to his room to sleep off the alcohol. Everything would be _fine_.

But when it was all said and done, he'd forget she wasn't_ his_ Elena. He'd end up grasping at loose ends, reaching for her…praying by some miracle he could get her back…

And _she'd_ forget he _was_ Damon…she'd pretend it meant absolutely _nothing_ to her…tell herself he was just a random guy…she didn't _love_ him…only she _did_...

Really, they'd _both_ be liars that night.

"Fine," he shrugged. "You want to be that way?" He knocked on the bar top. "Four shots of vodka, _Klaus_," he looked at her and wiggled his eyebrows. As he was looking, Klaus cleared his throat and Elena nodded discreetly.

Damon did two and pushed two toward her. "Under one condition," he smiled. "For every _shot_ you take, you have to answer a question. _Any_ question I ask."

Elena bit her lip and stared at her shots. Did she want to play these games with him? Not really…but she needed to be tough and stand her ground. She had to prove to him that she could hold her own…that she didn't _have_ to let him affect her…if she didn't want him to…

"Sounds fine to me," she shrugged. "I've done…three shots in the last ten minutes now. Ask away." She turned toward him, her elbow resting on the countertop.

Damon rubbed his hands together. He'd had _more_ drinks than her. "First question, what the _hell_ are you doing here right now? I saw you take a cab to your apartment."

"Um…didn't want to go home," she sighed. "Not in the mood to talk about _feelings_, blah blah. My roommate is all about me talking about _feelings_…"

"Girls usually are," he smiled, oblivious. He wouldn't learn her roommate was a guy until weeks later. Elena laughed wickedly, but he didn't understand.

"So you came _here_…of all the places you could go," he swirled his ice in glass, staring at her other shot. "New York's a big place, Elena…" He looked to see Klaus on the other side of the bar and grabbed a bottle of vodka, taking a big gulp. Elena's eyes widened. "Your sexy little legs brought you _here_," he smiled. Whoops.

"I thought you weren't allowed to say my legs were sexy," she arched an eyebrow.

"I'm allowed to say whatever I want, that's just it," he smiled. He'd flirt because he _wanted_ to, _needed to_…"Now I get another question... "You mean to tell me it has _nothing_ to do with the fact that _I'm_ here?"

"Okay, so maybe it does," she shrugged, taking her shot. "My turn, you've had plenty to drink. I definitely get a turn."

"That was a vague answer to a very important question," he teased. "I should get a redo."

"Aren't you _whiny_?" she touched his thigh, steading herself and he stilled. "You can ask me for a redo next time. Now it's my question."

"Why do you _care_ that I'm here?" It was a good one, she knew. She stood up and walked in between his bent knees. She was in close proximity…he could smell the alcohol and her perfume mixing together…floating into him…remind him of _her_…

"Because…I was _trying_ to get away from _this_," he pointed between them. "And now you've butt in and I can't get away from it at all. Not that I mind, really….if we're _forgetting_…but I have to wonder, goody goody or not," he paused. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yes, I booked a room, if you really care," She took the bottle of vodka out of his hands and took a sip. His eyes scanned up her torso, watching her neck adjust as she swallowed the alcohol. He should stop her, he knew…she said she was okay but he still doubted. He should've sent her home in a cab…called it a _night_.

But he _wouldn't_ stop her. He wouldn't stand in her way, _be_ in the way again. It would make it worse, he thought.

"No need to worry about me getting home," she smiled. "I'll be here _all_ night." She was saying it that way on _purpose_, he knew. She was still the _crazy_, Elena. So why did he want her? He wanted to _screw_ the crazy Elena right out of her...make her realize who she really was. He'd seen her cry at the graveyard. She _was_ in there...

But they'd play these wicked games. If only they'd just have been _honest_ with each other...

Her voice was raspy, sultry, he knew. She was _wiser_, more experienced now. She wasn't that young girl, waiting for him to take away her innocence. Her innocence was long gone…

She rubbed her red lips together and set the bottle on the counter, "And you shouldn't _steal_, it's _naughty_," she slapped his hand as he tried to reach for it. Her tone set him off... he was about to forget everything and back her into a corner somewhere...that's what she wanted, wasn't it?

He'd flirt, but he'd keep his intentions inside himself. She'd end up _begging _him again...but it wouldn't take much...

His hand gripped her wrist and he looked into her brown eyes. She was _fuzzy_, but she was _pretty_. He wasn't sure if the alcohol was _helping_ or hurting him right now…"If you want more alcohol you should've just _asked_," she smiled. "Klaus gives me all my drinks for free."

"Does he now?" He bit back. "What earned you such perks?" She was barely a foot away now.

Elena raised her eyebrows and Damon knew instantly. She'd _slept_ with him. It was a punch to the gut and he backed away for a minute, taking a deep breath.

"Does that _bother_ you, Damon?" She traced her finger from his shoulder, up his neck, resting it right below his ear. "To know I've slept with all these men but never _you_?" She pouted a little and he felt himself stir. She was _winning_…

He was slowly winding around her little finger…and she would _have_ him…

It wasn't malicious, for once. She simply _wanted_ him and _he_ wanted to forget. It made perfect sense…she could help him forget the shit between them _very_ easily, if he'd let her…

"Yeah, it does," he said honestly, but his head was spinning. He was admitting things, _flirting_ with her. He was walking a thin line…

"Interesting," she smiled, "But I guess it's nothing new, is it? You've never wanted me to have any fun…" She was falling into _those_ ways…those dangerous looks, dangerous words. She hadn't slept with anyone in _four_ years. She wasn't that girl anymore…the one who got drunk and fell into bed with _everyone_. But she needed to have _fun_ and _forget…_ She didn't want to be serious. Damon didn't know her now…he didn't_ have_ to know what she was like…not tonight…

She knew he probably saw her as the topless server, the wicked girl who'd slept with his roommate. She was a _challenge_.

He grabbed for the bottle again and took a draw. "All that fun…without _me_," the words were coming from _other_ parts of him…not his heart…not his brain.

"I tried," she reminded him. "But you were too good for me, I guess," she teased. "Didn't want me."

"Don't start with me, Elena," he shook his head. "I'm too drunk for this."

"Someone can't handle their alcohol. And _you_ were worried about _me…_" She pulled at his tie, loosening it. She hadn't touched him like this in years…playing with his collar, standing so close to him. And he wasn't doing anything about it. He wasn't using that warning tone now. He wasn't reminding her that he was her brother…

"This might be the part when we stop asking questions and I go to bed," he stood up, wobbling a little. "You should too, you look wrecked."

"You've never really seen me wrecked," she winked, biting her finger. "That isn't allowed either," she whispered in his ear. She felt the shiver flow through him. "But if you're going to get all _cranky_, you _should_ go to bed. I don't want to deal with you tomorrow if you're gonna be _cranky_." She pushed at his chest. "Tomorrow the real world hits. Tomorrow we have to be grown-ups…but I'll tell you a secret, Damon. I don't _want_ to grow up…" She shot him the pout that she _knew_ would do him in...

She knew what she was doing...The alcohol was flowing through _her_ veins, but not nearly as much as his. He didn't know it, but only _half _of her shots were actually alcohol. Klaus knew exactly what she meant when she said she knew what she liked…one shot of water, one shot of alcohol. But _Damon_ didn't need to know that.

She didn't want to be so wasted that she wouldn't remember that night, if something _did_ happen. He was looking at her with longing eyes. She almost felt _guilty _that he was more drunk than she was. But she didn't have to pretend to be drunk. And she didn't need to be _drunk_ to remember _why_ she still loved him…

So instead she'd be the floozy for him..._act_...

"Don't remind me of what _that_ means," he shook his wobbly head. "You know, I don't think I'm actually done _drinking_…" he snuck the bottle under the side of his suit coat. "I'm just done drinking with _you_."

"Meanie," she stuck out her tongue. "See if I care if you get up to your room okay. You're all wobbly," she laughed. "What room _are_ you in, anyway?"

"215," he smiled. Holding his arm firmly down on the bottle so it wouldn't fall. "Take a left at the elevator doors. I'll…um, I'll be awake for a while, if you need anything…"

"Yeah, sure…" she smiled dangerously. She willed herself to go to her room…and she _did_. Her head was pounding with thoughts. She was being torn in _two _over it. Could she do like he said and just _forget_? She was sure he didn't mean random sex…he probably meant just be friends. But the only way she could _forget_ any kind of pain with him was to have him…as _sick_ as it sounded. She had to try…

An hour and a half later, her hands were throwing clothes into a smaller suitcase and she was dragging herself down to room 215...

* * *

><p>That night had gotten them <em>here<em>, she knew. And as much damage as it had done, it was _worth _it...all of it. There may never have been cause to reconcile if their parents hadn't died. They may have _never_ made this life...

Elena's back pressed up against the wall. She'd just finished a pouch of raspberries and was staring at the quote above the door. Her eyes were threatning to water, but she could just pass it off as hormones, if she had to.

It was time, she knew. Honesty _had_ to happen. No matter what.

Damon's back was pressed against the back of the counter, his feet lined up with her hips. It was 10 p.m. and they'd been sitting there for two hours. They hadn't really gotten _anywhere_…

"Maybe this was a bad idea," he sighed. "I have some _serious_ questions to ask you…and I know you're going to get worked up about them."

"I know…that's why we set this _up_, remember? I'm _fine_."

"I don't want to _hurt_ you…or the baby…." He frowned.

"You know what? Put the blinders on from about here down," she held her hands at her chest level. "Don't look at my stomach, or lack there of…" she smiled. "We're _fine_. We're talking. We're _not_ rescheduling this…"

He gripped a clump of his hair in his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes. "This is going to be blunt…" his heart was pounding. "There are things I _need_ to know from you…some of them are personal. You may not understand how I can be so nice to you and still _feel _these things. But they are _eating _away at me, Elena. I…_care_ about you so much…_nothing_ I say today will change that. This is therapy without the _therapist_, if you will…we _need_ this. But promise you understand...even if I yell at you...I'm not angry with you _now_. I'm just angry from _before_... "

"I _know_," she reached out to squeeze his hand. "Nothing you ask me is a secret anymore."

"I just don't know if I believe you…" he admitted and she frowned. "I can't just think you're going to be okay when I ask you these things. I'm…_bitter_, Elena. I don't want to yell and scream…"

"Ask," she pled. "Yell, scream, throw things, _swear at me_," she sighed. "Damon…you _have_ to,"

He took a deep breath and pushed his head against the counter, gritting his teeth. The words were coming. He wasn't going to be able to _stop_ them…and some of them might be rough on her. He prayed for the strength to stay in check…and then he started. It was almost as if he was in the middle of the conversation when he began…

"You pushed me away, Elena. If you _loved_ me, like you _say_ you did, how could you just forget me? How could you not want to be with me every second? You went from _everything_ to _nothing_ in three seconds _flat_."

"Because you made me _sick_," she said. "Every time I saw you I just wanted what I couldn't have. No matter what I did to get your attention, you didn't give me kind I wanted, the kind I _needed._"

"Sex," he confirmed. "That's all you wanted from me? If I would've just … if we pretended our parents _hadn't _just walked in on us and dropped that bomb…you would've just been fine? Because that's what it felt like to me."

"No, of course not. "

"Then how come I tried to stay connected to you in _other_ ways, but you weren't interested in me unless you were throwing yourself at me? I was just a challenge you…_that's_ how I felt. I was supposed to be the one who took your virginity and you didn't like the fact that I _wouldn't_ do it."

She blinked a few times, letting the words register. He was dead on.

"No, I _didn't_," she admitted. "You made me _angry_ about that, Damon. I was _18_…I thought I was _grown up_. I thought I deserved it and I wanted it from you. You broke my _heart_…"

"Your _heart_ didn't want that, Elena," he corrected her.

"Yes it did," she frowned. "I _loved_ you…_that's_ why it broke my heart that it would never be you. You know, I'd already lost out on being _your_ first. You were always so ahead of me…"

"With Rebekah…" he sighed. "Rebekah barely meant anything to me by that point…" he admitted. "I went through the motions, just to be a man…just to lose it, too, you know…"

"But somehow when _I_ did that, it was wrong? Why, because I'm a girl and it should mean more? It _would've _meant more if it was with you. I never wanted to lose you…"

"So when I tried to be your friend and you rejected me over and over again, then showed up at my room and threw yourself at me…I was supposed to just forget everything we'd broken up for and sleep with you because that's how it was _supposed_ to be?"

"You admitted to me just the other day that you wanted me that night," she reminded him.

"Yeah, I _did_. But the point I'm making is, you _expected_ it. We grew up together and were _everything_ together… I'm Damon and you're Elena and I was just _supposed_ to do that for you."

"_For _me?" She asked, her voice breaking. "Like it was some favor? Like I was _that_ horrible and needed a _favor_ from you to lose my virginity. Come on, Damon…I could've had _anyone_ I wanted…"

"And you _did,_" he reminded her. "You fucked my _roommate,"_ he bit his lip. He was getting _angry _now…but he didn't _want _to._ "_And you did it on purpose, Elena. I saw it in your eyes that night. You were _glad_ I saw it. You _wanted_ to shove that in my face."

Everything he'd ever needed to say was spewing out of his lips…but he felt_ bad_…

Her face became dark at the memory. "Yes, I did," she answered. "I did it to _hurt_ you, Damon. I needed you to see what you'd _done_ to me. I _didn't_ need you to be the one anymore. I could've had _anyone_. I just _wanted_ you to be it. See, you read me all wrong..."

"It was hard to separate emotions from each other back then….everything you did just _hurt_. So you picked my _friend_, one of the only friends I _had_ there, and you screwed him. You gave it up to someone you didn't even know, Elena. You knew it would kill me."

"What the hell was I supposed to do? What was I waiting for? It would never be _you_," she laughed. "And if you didn't want to _be_ that way with me, it didn't make any _sense_ to wait…"

"You should've waited til you loved someone."

"Love…" she shook her head. "That's exactly _it_, Damon. I _hated_ love. The only experience I'd had with it was with _you_…and you _failed_ me. My parents couldn't love each other enough…all the love I saw was _toxic_…" she swallowed. "I was never going to fall in love, Damon. Was I supposed to be a virgin forever?"

He just blinked. At the time he'd been so riled up about the situation that he hadn't realized her reasoning. It _still_ didn't sound like a good answer, but at least she knew _why_ she did it…

"I slept with Mason…and it _hurt_ and it was _scary_…but I pretended to be fine," she shook her head, a little color rising in her cheeks. "I did it to get it _over _with_…_I thought if it was just _gone_ that I wouldn't have to be upset that it wasn't you…I thought it wouldn't matter anymore…" she sighed. "I was waiting for you to walk in and see me…naked…_wrecked_…I thought it would make me feel good. But it didn't…as soon as you walked in my heart _broke_. I put on a brave, bitchy face and pretended I'd had the best time of my life. But after I left the room, I cried for hours…"

Damon swallowed, but held his ground. He knew this would be hard. _She_ knew this would be hard…but the woman in front of him now was _not_ the woman she was talking about. This woman was sweet and tender and the mother of his child…he needed answers, but he hated to see her cry…

"But then you just kept at it…that's what I don't get," he shook his head. "If anything, it got _worse_. If you _regretted_ Mason, why did you do it over and over again? I wasn't even there half the time…you were hurting _yourself_ for no reason."

"Yeah. I thought it would get easier…and it did…the physical parts, at least. But every time I did it, my heart hurt worse. It was supposed to _numb_ me, but all it did was remind me of what it _didn't_ feel like. You see, none of it was healthy. I didn't give a shit about _any_ of those men…my body was an instrument…not a temple. No man worshipped at it, wanted it for anything other than sex. They were done with me the minute they pulled out."

Her words were raw, rough. They burrowed down into the pit of his stomach. The thought of her just being tossed aside…not _held_ and appreciated for the woman she was scared him…even if she was crazy back then…

At least he'd _held_ her afterward…while she'd let him….

"It was _easy_, Damon. I got _attention_…but they didn't get all lovey dovey with me, Damon. I didn't have to worry about getting too attached or them breaking my heart. I didn't have a _heart_ available for them _to _break…"

"So you had _fun_," he shook his head. "That's _sad_," he felt bitter again. I _tried_ to fix this, Elena," he said sadly, "I tried to tell you that you were worth more than that, _all_ of it."

"That's what you never understood, Damon," she laughed. "You saying all of that and making me feel like I was _worth_ something _was_ the problem. You were sending me mixed signals. One minute you were pulling me toward you and the next you were shoving me off of you. I didn't _want_ to feel anything. So I made sure I _didn't_."

"You _didn't_? Not anything? Were you playing with me the whole time? Every time I begged you, every time I pled with you to stop you felt _nothing_? You kept throwing yourself at me but you felt _nothing?"_

He took a breath and reminded himself that the Elena across from him now was _not_ her…

"_Of_ course I _did_," she said sadly. "Damon…being anywhere _near_ you and you not wanting me as anymore more than a sister _hurt_…"

"How long did it hurt for?" He frowned.

"Until I got my way," she sighed. "Until you slept with me after the burial," It sounded bitchy, she knew. It sounded like she'd used him…but it hadn't turned out that way at all. No, their drunken sex _had_ meant something to her. She'd led him to believe otherwise until this point…but not anymore.

She continued, "Then it stopped hurting _that_ way…because I knew you weren't just doing it to appease me. You made it seem that way, at first...but I understood perfectly what it _meant_ to you. I _felt_ it from you, Damon...you _wanted_ it too. And when I felt that, a new kind of pain came from _that_ mess…"

"Yeah," he pointed at her stomach.

"That's not what I mean," she shook her head. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She'd have to choose her words carefully now…make sure she was saying the right things. He was waiting to hear all of it, every single word. She could make or break it, right then and there. "I..." her eyes flicked up to the quote again and suddenly she _lost_ it.

"You know what?" She sighed. "I think I need some air. Do you mind if I just go outside for a few minutes? I'm…you said to stop if I felt…" she couldn't find the words.

"No, of course," he sighed, his heart pounding again. He felt _guilty_ for making her upset.

"We're not done...we're just getting _started_. I'm sure you have a lot more to ask...and I have a lot to say to you. A _lot_..." she breathed. "I just need a few..."

"I'm _sorry_…" his eyes could've filled with tears, but he was strong, for her...for _them_... "I'm _sorry_, baby." His words weren't threatening. His stomach fell as he said them, unsure if it was _okay..._ he hadn't called her that while she was conscious...but it just felt _right_...

Then she smiled.

"Don't be," she shook her head, holding back her tears. "I'm the one who's sorry. I get it. I get _everything, _Damon," she smiled sadly, staring right into his blue eyes. "I _know_ I'm your dragon."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *Whew* The talk has started. Can't wait to finish it/get to the big scene. It's coming, I promise! I hope this one did what I meant it to do. I hope you can see how differently they are dealing with their feelings now compared to they way they used to deal with them..It was somewhat of a challenge to write, seeing as they are so different than they used to be...but it's so fun at the same time. Please let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading! Follow me on twitter if you'd like newsgirl1983 for spoilers!**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: I'm going to let this one speak for itself, mostly…so catch my note at the end for some info. No present time in this one…just the past…**

**Thanks for reading.**

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><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 15 **

"_**But I still wake up, I still see your ghost**__**  
><strong>__**Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh**__**  
><strong>__**What do I stand for? What do I stand for?**__**  
><strong>__**Most nights, I don't know anymore…"**_

_**-Some Nights, Fun.**_

* * *

><p>Elena stood in front of his hotel door, wringing her hands. Her mouth was dry, her palms sweaty. She was there…she was moments away from seducing Damon.<p>

She'd zipped her boots up to her knees and marched down the padded hallways with a tear through her heart. Sex wouldn't mend it. It wouldn't fix anything, but she was going to do it anyway because she _could. _

Soon he'd reopen wounds in her that she'd nearly forgotten.

Her little black dress fit snuggly. She'd _seen_ his eyes walking up and down her at the bar. He wasn't done with her, she knew. After all, he was the one who'd told her his room number. The ball was in her court now...he'd practically _told_ her to go to his room, she figured.

She was confident in these situations, _good_ at this. She'd done this countless times…shown up at a guy's hotel room for one thing and one thing only. She'd always delivered without fail. They'd had her, she'd left, but they always called her back looking for more. Sometimes she obliged, but not usually…

It was _easy_ then. When her heart wasn't so tightly wound around a man she didn't _have_ to feel bad about walking out the door afterward…but somehow, she'd always ended up feeling used. Funny, when _she_ was the main one doing the using.

But now she stood in front of _his_ hotel door, and she couldn't even bring herself to knock…

She was nervous now. This _wouldn't_ be like every other time. She knew, deep down, this was the only man she'd ever really wanted. He was behind that door, drunk, lonely…sad. She was about to confuse the shit out of him, she knew. She'd march in there and seduce him…and from the way it seemed at the bar, he'd probably let her.

But _why_? If she'd spent years trying to _stop_ ruining men…did she really want to ruin and hurt Damon all over again? No…it wasn't about hurting him, she reminded herself. It was about _forgetting_…forgetting everything…

Maybe she'd planned it all along. Even _she_ wasn't sure. Maybe her subconscious knew when she followed him to his car that this is what she'd do to him.

She hadn't slept with anyone in four years, by her own choice. Once it clicked, once she realized that she'd never once felt _good_ about herself afterward, she'd simply stopped. She didn't need _men_. In fact, the only man she'd _ever_ needed was Damon.

Was there any way for him _not_ to get hurt?

She pressed a hot hand against his door, watching the heat leave marks on the white paint. A hammering heart encouraged her to knock. She'd come this far but she didn't have to go through with it. She could spin around on her heeled boots and run back to her room. She could slam the door and throw herself down on her bed and grieve their parents _properly_. If they could see her _now_, they'd wonder what the hell she was _doing_…

But that wasn't what she _wanted_. She'd take his willingness to be forgetful and try not to feel guilty for what she was about to do…

The hallway seemed smaller, more confining as she waited now. It was _silent_...no familiar buzz of fluorescent lighting above her. This was _high_ class...not like the other times. Maybe it was a symbol that Damon was just _better..._

She knocked once and waited. Her little bag rested next to her on the ground, filled with everything she'd need, she thought. Another few seconds passed without any noise coming from his room. She clenched her fists tightly. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he'd fallen asleep…or maybe he hadn't ever gone to his room. He could have met up with a random woman for all she knew. All this time she'd figured he'd just be alone, crying. She figured she'd parade into his room and make it _stop_…all of it.

She hadn't been afraid of this for _years_…But now the thought of him off with some other woman, doing the things _she_ wanted to do to him while she stood teary eyed and broken at his hotel door tore into her. _She_ was the heartbreaker…_she_ was the one who did the damage…not _him_…he wasn't allowed to make her feel like this anymore. She'd _beaten_ this...

Stop _panicking_, she told herself.

She knocked a second time and waited. An elderly couple walked past her and frowned in disapproval. Their eyes cast down to the short material of her dress, and suddenly she felt _slutty. _Her confidence was feigning...she felt guilty. She looked stupid and needy, she thought. It hadn't bothered her, until she realized who she was acting like this for…

Damon hadn't wanted her to be this way…he'd wanted her to respect herself, make good decisions…sober, healthy decisions…especially when it came to him. Wasn't that was their problems were all about, anyway?

_Now_ she was panicked. Two knocks and absolutely _nothing_. He wasn't in there, she thought. She'd just about given up and walked down to that bar to find him, but a minute later, he'd opened the door.

He stood before her, his shoe laces undone, dress shirt untucked from his pants. His tie was still loose around his neck from where she'd tugged on it. He was still drunk, she knew. He was a _mess__. _

Her buzz was wearing off, but it wouldn't be gone for very long. She didn't want to be completely wasted, but being completely sober and feeling like _this_ was too much, too. He stared at her wildly, digging into her soul. She'd doubted her decision for the slightest of moments, but when his eyes turned lustful and dark, her insecurities were gone…

She moved toward him, pushing the door in a little. He stepped back as she walked him into the room. He pushed his hand through his ruffled hair and she knew she had him. Now she would _forget_. She'd forget he broke her heart and try to pretend she was just getting her way. She had to. She'd spent more than a decade wanting him. She wasn't about to _cry_ during it….

"What'd you forget, Lena?" he asked her, his eyes roaming up and down the dress again. "You know, I _thought_ I was getting off the hook too easily. You barely threw anything in my face down there. And you didn't even tell me to go away _once_," he smiled.

His jabs wouldn't hurt tonight...not tonight...

She shook her head, noticing the bottle of vodka sitting on a round table in the corner. It had lost another third of its contents since he'd brought it upstairs. This could be bad or good, she knew. His resistance was down…he wouldn't catch on to any emotions, she thought.

"Look at you," she pressed her fingers into the folds of his shirt collar and straightened it. "You're a mess, Damon…"Her fingernails were sure to scrape his neck a little and she saw the shiver race through him. He'd play it off, at first. "All ruffled and worn…" Her hand slid down the sleeve of his thin, white dress shirt. She could feel the heat from his muscled arm. It was explosive, familiar and new at the same time.

She'd touched his arms a thousand times, but never had it felt so _crazy_. A decade of little physical contact could do that to a person. But she could keep her focus, definitely…

"Yeah well, I came up here but like I said, I wasn't done drinking, so…" it wasn't like him. He never lost himself in alcohol. He was always the strong one. He handled stress so differently than she did, typically. But not that night. Dead parents and _their_ mess were reasons enough to just let go for one night.

His shoulders were arched, his body sore. The alcohol had sunk into him now, but there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to numb him from her…instead of loose and free, he was tense, edgy...

"What are you doing up here?" he asked as she slid her arms around to his back and dug her thumbs into his shoulder blades, working his muscles. Against his better judgement, he relaxed immediately.

"You said if I needed anything…" she reminded him. "But I was thinking _you_ were more of the one who was looking for something here." Maybe she could make him _think_ the ball was in his court…then she wouldn't _have_ to feel so guilty…if she didn't have to beg.

He'd been sweating, she knew. The back of his shirt was damp and transparent. He was wearing a white beater under it, but it, too was thin. She could see through it and her hands froze when her fingers traced over a red dragon tattoo…

What?

She blinked a few times and tried to ignore it, but how could she ignore _that_? It had to mean something that he had the exact tattoo she did. It wasn't the time to address it then, and it wouldn't be, for a _long_ time. He should've _hated_ that symbol…but what did it mean to him?

"You're soaked, Damon," she lifted the bottom of his thin shirt up and snuck her hands under it, pressing her warm hands into his back. Danger...danger...

She felt a twinge of something when his sweat soaked into _her_ skin, but she couldn't _place_ the feeling. Her finger nails ripped up and down his back and a small moan escaped from his lips. If only he'd just _say_ something, indicate _anything_….her head was spinning as he stood motionless...

Her hands reached around to his stomach to claw at his abdominal muscles. They were firm and tight and more amazing than she remembered. He'd always been strong, but now he was a grown man and he was ripped. He spun around to face her and her fingers stopped their motions in a flash.

"What are you doing?" His words were serious, but not angry. His eyes flicked down to his rolled up shirt and back up to her eyes in a heartbeat.

"Does it feel good?" It wasn't an answer. She knew he hated when she answered a question with another question. She'd barely _begun_ and she was already losing it…

"Elena…" he swallowed, wrapping his fingers around her wrists.

"Well, does it?" She flicked her wrists out of his grip and set his hands on her hips. She stared at him for just a moment and he stared _back_. Nothing was said with words…everything was spoken with their eyes. "I think you like my hands on you," she smiled seductively.

Did he shake his head? Why wasn't he _biting_ on this bait? Any other man's clothes would already be off by now. But he was just staring…it was absolutely unnerving.

"Hmmm… let me _guess. Y_our brain says you can't like it, but your eyes and _other_ parts of you say you _do," _her eyes flicked down to his pants and she smiled, "So which do you think I'm going to listen to, Damon? I think we all know thinking with your brain hasn't gotten you and I _anywhere_ in the past…"

Nothing. Maybe she'd lost her touch… it_ had_ been four years…

Her fingers traced up the line of the buttons on his shirt slowly. She pulled his tie off completely and threw it on the ground, then set her hands to work on undoing his buttons. He didn't say a word, but he didn't make a move to stop her, either. And in a moment, his arms would be behind him, helping her take his shirt off of him. His under tank would soon follow.

"God, you really _are_ a grown man," she smiled, taking in the hot mess before her. The back of her hand was rubbing his stubble coated face, from one side to the other. "But I see you're the silent type. Surprising, actually..."

"Elena…" it came out weak, restrained. Maybe it _was_ working…maybe he was using everything he had to try to _stop_ this. But how many times could he say _no_ to her?

"Is that all you can say?" She smiled, tipping her head. "It's nice to hear you say my name without it sounding like a profanity or something…but you're not playing very nicely right now."

"Do you know what you're _doing_?" He asked and her heart sped up.

"Of course I do," she winked. "The question is, do _you_?" Her hands ran flatly against his stomach again and her fingertips barely inched into the waist of his dress pants. Her thumb on the outside pressed eagerly at the button. She could have those off in three seconds flat if he wanted…she was _good_ at things like this…

"No, I don't," he swallowed. The alcohol was wearing off now. He needed _more_. "You're wicked, woman…" he backed away from her, walking to the table. He grabbed the bottle and emptied some more of its nectar down his raspy, dry throat.

"Oh no you don't," she pulled it away from him and took a sip herself. "You are _not_ getting completely drunk before this…" she pulled him closer to her.

There was noquestion of what 'this' she was referring to...

"But you are?" He arched his eyebrow as she hid the bottle behind her back.

"Nope," she took the bottle and poured it down the sink. He frowned and ran over as it swirled down the drain.

"_Hey_, that was mine…I needed that. I can't look at you all…like _that_ and _not_ have it, Elena. I'm too…I need to forget…"

"You don't need alcohol to forget. I've gone that route, right? We drank a little, now we're _done_." She smoothed his hair flat against his head again and rested her hand on his cheek. "I'd like to forget a lot of things, Damon…and if I drank to forget _all_ of it, I'd die of alcohol poisoning. There are other ways to forget…and I think you're thinking the same thing I am…or am I wrong?"

He swallowed thickly, his neck showing every move he made. His resistance was breaking. She stood on her tiptoes for a minute and placed a kiss on the corner of his lip, her lipstick staining his skin quickly. She hadn't felt his lips for ten years. They were warm and soft and it felt like a _memory_. Her brain was about to completely give out and let her body take over. She kissed the other side, letting her tongue flick in the corners a little. Through the alcohol and the sweat, she could still taste _him_. Home, familiarity, _happiness_...

She stopped for a second to look into his eyes. "Or am I _wrong_, Damon?" She asked again, pushing her hand onto his bare chest. He didn't say a word, but from the rapidity of his beating heart, she knew. She wasn't wrong…

She heard him inhale quickly, and before there was time to say another word his hands were on the sides of her neck, his fingertips burrowing into the hair on the back of her head and he was _kissing_ her like wildfire. It wasn't tender or gentle like the first kiss they'd shared, and it wasn't teetering on the edge of crazy like the kisses he'd given her seconds before their parents interrupted them…it _was_ crazy, really, fucking crazy...

That Damon and Elena were alive in a _different_ world, and they were far, far younger. They'd had everything to lose with one wrong move. But not anymore…what _more_ could be at risk when they'd already lost the world?

His tongue didn't give her time to think. It was twisting and twirling with hers in an instant…she had to pull away for a second just to _breathe_. This man, this Damon was _wild_. He his fists were balled up like he was about to fight something or someone...he was panting and he looked broken...as if he'd was a recovering alcoholic who'd just taken his first sip in ten years...

But now they were just _staring_ again…

"See, I'm _not_ wrong," she smiled.

"This is a bad idea," he said seriously. He shook his head. "We're not in the right mind…"but his hands were sliding up and down her arm. She wasn't _making_ him do _anything..._

"You said we needed to forget…but it felt to me like you remembered _exactly_ who you were kissing just now…"

"I can't trust you…" he swallowed. The words _hit_ her. She felt them sink in to her heart. But he was right, wasn't he? This _wasn't_ an accident or a random hook up anymore. How could it be? "But I want to…I _do_ want to trust you."

"How about we quit being so serious? Haven't we been serious enough for the last few days? It's all going to _stop _tomorrow, Damon. We'll have to deal with this shit eventually….the business…all of it…so why worry about it now, hm?"

"So what are we supposed to do then?" His eyebrows knit together hand his fingers traced up her arms. He swallowed again when he felt her moving closer.

"Exactly what we _weren't_ supposed to do ten years ago," she whispered in his ear when she felt his lips fall onto the tops of her shoulder. He kissed the bare skin, nipping at it hungrily. Her shoulder dropped and her neck tipped when he took it in his hands to bite. He had some _seriously_ sharp teeth, but she liked it. He was walking her backward to the bed now, and she smiled against his lips as they found their way on hers again.

This was it. He actually _wanted_ her… so why was she suddenly _scared_?

She'd gone this route so many times…felt her knees hit the bed behind her and everything would float away…but they hadn't even gotten there and she was scared shitless. She couldn't admit it to herself just then, but she knew why. It was the _first_ time she _loved_ the person she was about to sleep with. That emotional tie had never existed. It was purely sex with everyone else. It wasn't love, it wasn't more. She didn't have to worry about what her _brain_ would say about it or what her _heart_ would feel…

But she had _everything_ to worry about tonight…and tomorrow…and forever. They owned a store together now…

Her thoughts were pushed away by his hands sneaking up the bottom of her dress, rolling it up above her hips. His blue eyes were darkening by the second as he realized she wasn't wearing anything _under_ her dress. Bold but _genius_ move, she knew.

"What are you doing to me?" He closed his eyes. "Elena, this isn't…" he was a stubborn man, she knew. His resistance was strong...but what man would resist this, her, right now?

"You are so full of stupid questions tonight," her fears were momentarily pushed aside as she teased him. When _he_ looked weak, she was strong. One of them would always have the upper hand that night…but it wouldn't always be her. She'd lose it…she'd completely unravel …her mind wouldn't let her just forget. "We're too busy for questions, Damon," she reminded him. "You _want_ me, admit it. So quit pretending and being all rigid. Admit it and _take_ me."

"We're drunk…." He managed out.

"We're not _that_ drunk," she smiled. She'd later wish she hadn't admitted that…she'd be back pedaling… "You know what you're doing…so do it." She bit her lip.

"I don't think so," his hands rested on her naked hips, but his focus was straight on her eyes.

Now _he_ was winning. She was losing control. He was going to say no again….it couldn't be like this…he couldn't just _leave_ her like this again…naked…

Now she was pitiful. She'd never felt _sad_ and aroused at the same time. He did crazy things to her. She was desperate…that lonely feeling was creeping up inside her again. Heartache...that hot feeling inside when you know you're going to lose...again.

Maybe he _didn't_ want her…

But he _had_ to...she couldn't let this go...she had to push it, keep trying...

She looked at him with wide, doe eyes. She blinked a few times, hoping her insecurities weren't showing. He didn't have to know that she was afraid of him rejecting her again. She was supposed to be in control, here…so what the _hell_ was happening to her? She felt like a little kid who'd just been told Santa Claus wasn't real…All at once, her little heart was breaking…

"Please, Damon…" it came out sultrier than it should've, considering, but she knew he'd heard that very touch of desperation. "Just _forget_…please…" This was awful, she was _begging _him now…this had to stop…she was _stronger_ than this… "Can't we just get what we want? Just one time? Can't we break all the rules…Damon? We're adults, we don't even _need_ rules…" Her hands were moving his hands behind her, his fingertips met at the small of her back. She blinked a few times more, wide-eyed…

Silence and breathing. Silence and staring….

And suddenly, something _changed_ in him. She wouldn't know what it was, just then…but he'd thought he'd seen his old Elena…

The Elena he'd _gladly_ sleep with…

And that was it. Three blinks of the eye and his hands were on her ass lifting her off the ground and walking her to the bed. Her knees never had a chance to feel that familiar sensation of pressing against the sheets. She was already flat on her back and his lips were racing down her torso in a fury.

She felt like a teenager again…the familiar way his lips knew everything about her. Ten years hadn't changed the flicks of his tongue or the way his fingers dug into her hips bones and he worked his mouth along her thighs and in between.

No man had done it since. She didn't dare let a random man take away the _only_ thing Damon had given her….

He was on fire now, nothing could stop him. She saw the blazing lust in his eyes as he worked his way back up to her, kissing her wildly again. He was a _beast_. A frenzy… a storm of need shook through her and she couldn't focus. She couldn't _remember_ how badly he'd hurt her ten years ago or why the _hell_ she'd ever pushed him away….all she could do was say his name…

And when she'd pushed on his chest to flip him under her and crawl down his body, he'd tangled his fingers in her hair and tugged lightly. His dress pants were balled up on the ground and soon her brain was reminding her of all the ways he liked it best…it _hadn't_ changed…

"Elena…" he gritted his teeth, "get up here…" his hands released her brown locks and he tugged at her arms. Her heart was slamming again as his voice pushed through his need to say her name.

He _still_ felt loose from the alcohol. His arms were free and she felt him flip her over again, staring down into her eyes. He looked happy, she thought. For a second she almost forgot he was seconds away from _finally_ giving her what she needed.

But then she felt his fingers sliding inside of her and her brain shut down again. She gasped for a second and he smiled, covering her lips with kisses, sucking her bottom lip. "You're a wild one," he broke away from her lips to whisper in her ear. Everything was setting in motion…no time to think no time to remember what she'd _forgotten_ at home…

"I _know_," she purred.

"I'm drunk," he moved to kiss her collarbone, leaving marks up and down her torso.

"I don't care," she shook her head, stifling a moan as he continued to touch her.

"I want you," he confirmed.

"I know…." She said against his lips, clawing her fingernails into his back as he lay above her still. She'd needed to hear him say those words for what seemed like _forever_.

The passion was consuming her. She'd gone from _only_ remembering the old Damon, to completely forgetting he used to be her little friend. He was a man who _wanted_ her now. He wasn't her step brother…he wasn't the man who'd told her she'd acted like a slut…he was just Damon, a man she'd used to think she'd spend the rest of her life with….

She was in trouble, now, with these thoughts. She shouldn't be thinking of _love_ when he was inches from being inside of her. She'd never been _there_ in her head in _this_ type of moment. It clouded her judgment, made her forget….

"I don't have a condom," he swallowed…. "I never thought I'd be…with you…tonight or…" She reached her finger up to his lips, pushing the tip of her nail into the skin.

"Shhhh," she was about to be _stupid_….

She shook her head…too _stupid_ to stop him. She was ignorant but she didn't care. She wanted him…she needed him, now. She hadn't come this far to just _stop_.She was _selfish_…all the things she could've given him...diseases…all the men she'd been with….but her brain couldn't process _that_, either. If safe sex meant _no_ sex, then she didn't _care_… She'd say the three words that would change her life.

"I don't care," she shook her head and gripped his back when she felt him slide into her for the first time. She was _afraid_, as if it really _was_ her first time…what would this do? Wasn't this what she wanted? Jesus Christ…

"Damon," she purred as he moved within her as if he'd known all along what she needed. This man who'd been away from her for years, who'd been nothing but a stranger, a _jerk_, as she'd seen it was now controlling every fiber of her body. She wasn't used to this…feeling out of control. Her head was spinning…if she would've let herself, she probably could've thrown up from the nerves. His hands were pushing into her hips and his teeth were sinking into her shoulders. Her body shook and he smiled against her skin. It was wild and heated and dangerous. He was an animal, quickening his pace and sucking the column of her neck. He wasn't gentle, he was _hungry_. This wasn't the sweet, innocent love making it would've been so long ago…this was ten years of need digging into them. She was moaning his name now with every movement he made...

The stubble of his cheeks scratched her breasts as he readjusted and kissed them. "God…" he bit out. "You have no idea…" and she _didn't_. She didn't know he'd only been with four women. She didn't know this time with Elena would beat _any_ other time with _any _other woman…

"Show me," she bit out. And he did. He ground into he until they both fell over the edge and her brain was swimming in bliss. They lay silently there, him on top of her, afraid to move. Once he got off of her and his wheels started turning, he'd realize what he'd done, she thought. He'd look at her and it would make him _sick_…fucking his step sister…

She barely had time to process what _she_ felt before she was worried about what it would do to him. She could only see fear, destruction. It had been wild and rough and so overdue…but had it been worth it…or was it amazing and now it would just end? She'd felt connected to him even though there hadn't been a sweet moment about the act. It had _still_ felt better and more _real_ than any other time…

It scared her. Her quick, first impression terrified her for the simple fact that she knew she was done for. She couldn't just sleep with him and let it end there. If that had _ever_ been the plan, it hadn't worked. But she wasn't brave enough to show that side. She was _good_ at hiding emotions. Maybe she'd have to be now, even thought It was _him_. No matter _what_ he thought…she couldn't let it be real…not yet…

It would be a _mistake_ to him, she knew…the roughness. He'd probably act like he was too drunk to realize what he'd done. He'd push her away, he'd _hate_ her, blame her…say she seduced him and that she was just using him… She'd _probably_ have to sell the business and…

Her thoughts came to a screeching halt when he moved off her and lay next to her, his sweat soaked head sinking into her pillow. He was inches away from her lips and she looked down at his lips to see him _smile_. Her breath shook in her throat and her stomach fell out again….

So he wasn't angry? She didn't want to jump to conclusions, here. What man _wouldn't_ be happy after sex like that…? But no other man had simply stared at her and smiled. It wasn't that post-sex 'I know I'm amazing' look crossing his handsome features. He was almost admiring her, she thought. Mass confusion swam into her head. Then he said, "Holy _shit_," and a giggle escaped her mouth. He'd taken the biggest, scariest moment of the night and made it _lighter_.

But she was still afraid to say anything to indicate _her_ feelings. 'Holy shit' didn't really elaborate too much on _feelings…_but the fact that he still looked at her softly lifted her worries a bit.

She stared at him for five minutes before she realized she what she'd done. She was _still_ laying, in his arms, _thinking_ about it. She wasn't up, throwing her clothes on, trying to find what corner of the room her shoes had ended up in. For once, she didn't _want_ to move. She didn't want him to stop staring at her….not then, maybe not _ever…_

A simple peace...from this...quiet and _freeing_...

When she decided to speak, all she could bring herself to say was, "I'm tired." She closed her eyes and felt herself dozing for a while. He'd _let_ her. He'd let her just lay there and rest and reel in the feeling that had just come over her. Even though it hadn't been sweet…it had been more than she needed. Could she just be done now? Could everything just stop….?

* * *

><p>She was woken when his lips were tracing down her neck again. Her eyes shot open to see him moving to crawl on her again. His kisses were tender now, not wild…not needy. He was were <em>kissing<em>, healing the spots he'd bitten and marked. He was _fixing_ her…in ways she didn't even understand yet…

She'd let herself _sleep_ by him…this wasn't normal…it wasn't in the plans…and now _this_.

"Sorry to wake you…" he whispered.

"How long was I asleep?" She swallowed. "_Long enough_…." He smiled, pressing his lips on hers now, sweetly. This was...it was almost too much…

They'd had sex _once_ and now he was being so _tender_…why wasn't she prying him off of her and insisting she had to leave? Why was she leaning into him and _letting_ him kiss her this way…affectionately, not full of lust or desire. _This_ was what it would've been like if they'd shared a first time ten years ago. He was smiling…searching her eyes for something…but what did he see? How was she looking at him to make him be like _this_? Her walls were falling down and her heart was swelling and it would probably be the death of her…but this time, she couldn't care…

Two.

In a slow and steady rhythm that formed instantly, automatically, they were one again. It was happening without her realizing…she was _forgetting_….forgetting to fight the feelings, the emotions. She saw beauty in things that had never allowed it. This wasn't emotionless, raw and angry sex. This was the uniting of two souls who'd forgotten each other.

Her biggest fears were melting as his hands were brushing her cheeks. If he kept at it, there'd be tears for him to swipe away. She was coming undone. All of it, all the sickness the anger, the hurt was running and _hiding_. She wanted this…she loved him…everything that was for nothing….not if she could feel like _this_….

* * *

><p>But when she came down…it would just end up crashing again. She'd remember everything, she knew. Her heart and her brain were fighting each other...only <em>one<em> could win...

"Stay here tonight," he whispered, nuzzling the sides of her face with his nose. It wasn't that easy….he couldn't just _do_ this and think everything that had had happened would just go away…

"I don't think so," she swallowed, staring at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry for what she felt. She hadn't been able to admit to herself that she still wanted him for more than sex…not until he'd held her like this…tightly in his arms as if she were a treasure…

"Then stay a little longer," he whispered. "I…can't be alone right now." The alcohol was completely worn off. He, too_, _had come down from the surge of passion. Reality was hitting…her parents were _dead_…_their_ parents...

She was emotionally wrecked, drained. It had gone from bliss to _death_ in seconds flat. "You know what I said about not needing that alcohol?" She sighed.

"We've got a mini bar…" he snuck out of the bed, wrapping the sheet around his waist. "Take your pick," he tossed her a few little bottles of assorted liquor. "Or drink all of them…you have a high tolerance, right?" He'd said the words but not meant them the way she would take them.

"It doesn't mean it doesn't affect me," she frowned.

"Hey…Elena…" he walked back to her. "I didn't mean it like that…I just thought. I don't know what I thought…but let's _not_ think." He fell backwards on the bed. "We're good this way...just doing..."

Considering the only thing she could think about was _him_, it sounded like an amazing idea. And about 4 mini bottles each later she was being backed into the wall again.

"Ten years of nothing and now I can't get enough of you…," he said, the Jack buzzing in his veins half an hour later. Her cheeks were flushed and her back was pressing against the cool window.

"People can see," she tipped her head against the window and let him kiss her neck...she didn't _really_ care...

"No they can't…" he folded his fingers with hers and pressed them up against the window behind her head.

Three.

* * *

><p>But by the end of four, Elena was broken down. <em>Four<em> times…four shots of him and she could barely move now. Her legs were shaking, her head pounding from the alcohol. Contrary to his previous statement about her alcohol tolerance, she hadn't drunk like that in _years_….

And now the alcohol was taking its depressive traits out on her, reminding her that they _couldn't_ forget forever. It was _one_ night, and it was _over…._ It had to be, because he'd taken it too far….

They'd crashed into a brief sleep in each other's arms again…but woken suddenly only an hour later… What had they done?

He'd moved inside her like a favorite song…one she'd never get out of her head. Thoughts of it would haunt her for days…but his lyrics made no sense…

"You're perfect, Elena…"

_Snap_. Three words had _ruined_ it…

And in a blur she forced herself to stand her ground again. She'd gone back and forth and back and forth again...she wasn't even sure which emotion was _real_ anymore…

"I want you to stay," he squeezed her hands, "stay with me…please, Elena…don't go…not _now_…" The words were _too _familiar. They brought back images of her 18-year-old brother begging her to pull her head out of the pile of shit her life had become. So how could it just be gone now? Their parents were _dead_…but it didn't mean they were in the clear…

She'd been _everything_ in just a few hours. She'd been sad, scared, angry, bitter…in _love_…

But if she had to choose, just to keep her sanity in that moment, she chose angry…

She chose wrong.

She was angry that he could make love to her in the wildest and sweetest of ways…but it hadn't happened without something _tragic_ happening first. All the times she'd begged, all the times she'd thrown herself at him meant nothing…and now it was just this easy? Yes, time _did_ heal wounds…but this kind of night with _this_ man _shouldn't_. She couldn't let amazing sex and his gorgeous blue eyes fool her. He was still angry with her…he _had_ to be….

He couldn't just forgive her for what she'd done…and she shouldn't have thought she could forget what he'd done to her so long ago…

It wasn't _right_…it wasn't _healthy_…and she'd done so much to keep her from losing it again…

What had she _done_…?

"I can't stay here with you," she was fighting back the tears now…realizing in an instant one of them was going to snap out of it and this would all end…. It would be a distant memory, or a crazy nightmare that just wouldn't go away….

"You _can_…we can do this, Lena….just tonight. We can just _sleep_…" It was 5 in the morning, now. "Just…we need to…just stay…" He used the back of his fingers to stroke the side of her neck.

"Don't," she pulled her head away from him quickly and his face fell. "I should go…we've done enough…" she said quickly, the words flying out of her mouth with wild abandon. This was easy now…remembering how to shut him out so quickly….remembering how he'd hurt her…

But she couldn't lie to herself. Inside she wanted to stay. She wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms and sleep snuggly next to him, as they'd done so many times before. It didn't even have to be sexual…she just wanted to be _near_ him. But that was the unhealthy side of her, she knew. The side that would lose herself in the easiest of ways and end up even more broken than she'd _ever_ been…

No…she had to get away from him. Tomorrow was another day…tomorrow she could pretend like they were just business partners and silently die inside. Nothing good could have come out of that night…nothing….

"Elena, honey…"

"Don't call me that," she pled. She sounded bitter, angry almost. He stared at her for a minute and frowned. Something in his eyes shifted and he was _gone_…he emotionally _died_ at the first sign that he'd been wrong. He'd thought he'd seen her…but she was never there, was she? It was all an alcohol induced, grief fest…it was ten years of tension being released. That was it…

"I'm…I need to take a shower…" he shook his head, a nasty, bitter smile on his lips.

"Sure, okay." She swallowed, hating herself just then. She hated herself for what she'd done to him so many years ago _and_ now. Had she used him? Maybe…she got what she wanted…but somewhere in the middle of it all…she realized she was in further than she ever knew.

"Promise me you'll still be here when I get out," he furrowed his eyebrows again, begging for one last glance at _her_…_his_ Elena…

"I'll be here…." She said the words seriously, and she'd kept them.

She'd been fully dressed and zipping her boots when he came out that door.

* * *

><p>He'd called her a closed up bitch. He'd said he regretted it…<em>all<em> of it. How had _one_ shower just erased four times of amazing passion? Hadn't he _been_ there with her last night? He was the one who kept wanting it...

She didn't want him to know how she felt, but the last thing her self esteem needed was to hear he _regretted_ it…

They'd argued for a while, but none of it was making sense. She was barely comprehending what _she_ was throwing at him, let alone hearing him defend himself…

So now she'd put on her bulletproof vest, so to speak, and pretend it meant nothing to _her..._

"…Maybe it was goodbye sex, I don't know…" her fingers toyed with the buttons of her coat she'd found in her bag.

"It didn't feel that way. It felt like you wanted it just as badly as I did. Besides, you can't have goodbye sex without having regular sex first. This isn't exactly what I envisioned as the morning after our first night together. As soon as it was over, you shut me out again. _How_? How can you pretend something like _that_ between us couldn't mean anything?"

"It was goodbye in _emotion_, Damon….now we can just be _done_. Partners…" She was scrambling for answers…but they weren't any good. They sounded desperate and off the cuff…

He'd called it a one night stand…she _hated_ that he'd said that. She'd worked hard to shed that image, but he didn't know that…he'd have no way of knowing she'd turned that corner….

"I heard it in your voice, you know. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. You're terrified," He was right…_so_ right…"Of _this_, of _us_…of the business…" he continued.

But she was tough...she knew how to force him away when she had to…even if it hurt…

"I'm not afraid of anything. That's the way it has to be. We have a _lot_ to live up to…._this_ is our legacy, Damon…"

"Ten years later and you're still pretending, Elena…." He paused. "I thought you'd be over this shit by now… I thought our parents _dying_ would make you see what _real_ pain is about…but I guess you're still trivial and don't care…"

"You don't even know what you're saying. I'm not pretending," she lied. "The only thing I was pretending about was actually _feeling_ something for you…I'm a good _actress_…" pain, pain, pain…why was she doing this? These hurtful words were seeping out of her…dangerous, deadly lies… "It worked, didn't it? You thought I needed more than just sex..."

Stupid. Lies.

"Pretend all you want, but I won't. We had sex…a _lot_ of sex…and it _could've_ meant something…if you let."

"And it could just mean _nothing_ if _you'd_ let it," she poked him in the chest. "I'm going back to my room. I'll see you tomorrow, at the lawyers…"

"Yeah, sure," he'd said…but once she'd left, she'd barely made it around the corner before she collapsed on the ground and cried. Tears of guilt and sadness and love were running down her red face.

She'd waited forever for this night. She'd had him…she'd _finally_ had him. And he'd been everything she'd imagined and more…

But she wasn't allowed to let go this easily. Her biggest wish was suddenly her biggest mistake….

She'd slept with Damon and he was right, it had _ruined_ everything. She'd said it was just sex…that it hadn't meant anything…but it _had_. She knew it now, from the second he held her…for the moment he'd said she was perfect…she still loved him…and it hurt like hell because he never delivered on his promises…he'd said he'd loved her before and look what had happened.

She'd be stupid to just fall all over herself again because of one night of death…

She'd said she was going to her room, but who was she kidding? She'd packed her little bag and rolled it out of his room. She hadn't even needed it, really. She'd been undressed nearly the entire time…

She calmed her breathing and reached for her phone. It rang once, twice, and by the third time, she heard a familiar voice that soothed her.

"Eli," she tried to hide the pain in her voice. "I need you to come pick me up…" she sniffled, she was certain he'd heard the tears echoing in her voice.

"You sound tipsy, my dear…and depressed…not a good combo," he warned gently.

"No…I'm not drunk…anymore…I'm…I'm fine, okay? I'm just sad…." Her voice tried not to shake...

"What the hell did he do now?" He grit his teeth. Elena could hear the anger resounding from her friend. He was protective of her…especially anytime Damon was concerned.

"Nothing bad happened, okay? Just…I was wrong when I said I didn't want to come home tonight. I'll be moving in a few days and I'll miss it."

"I'm afraid you'll change your mind about him, Elena…don't be _stupid_...that man is no good for you..." but she completely ignored him and kept pleading…

"Please, Eli…I know it's early…please I just can't be here anymore."

"For you, _anything_. But if I find out that bastard hurt you…"

"He _didn't, _Elijah….but thank you, for being a great friend. I'll see you soon."

When she'd hung up her phone something clicked in her brain. She was _missing_ something. She'd completely forgotten the last three days because she'd been so upset about her parents…but it'd be fine…the chances of it were _slim_, right. And she couldn't worry about _that_ on top of everything else. What she really needed to do was go home and sleep alone in her own bed and remember _why_. She'd been sleeping alone for the last four years because no man would ever be good enough for her… no man would ever be him…

And when she'd been given the opportunity to stay with him, she'd realized…she'd never be good enough for _him_…he could never love this version of her. He was searching for a lost soul, but he'd only find a ghost….

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter is so very important to Elena's role. I said a while ago that by the end of this all, you'd love Elena, too…and after this chapter, its hard to say if loving her is harder or easier than it was before...**

**It shows that side of her we've never known. She's not a closed off bitch…not really. She's just defensive and scared. I needed to place this chapter between the last one and their big talk because we needed to see her POV before we can really understand what they're about to get into. It was a big night for them…and not just because of the baby…**

**Can't wait to share more with you. Please let me know what you thought of all this…and how you see her now that you know….**

.


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: I'd like to take a second to thank my readers and reviewers. You make this fun for me! Okay, so last chapter we saw inside of Elena's head on a night that changed everything. This chapter we'll **_**hear**_** them actually admit things to each other. There are small pieces of inner monologue, but this one is **_**packed**_** full of hard hitting dialogue that is a **_**must**_** for them. I hope you enjoy. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Enjoy the flashback in the beginning…you'll find a little one in the middle, too!**

**It's kind of a long one! Whoops! I could've gone on forever, but I had to stop for sanity reasons, hehe.**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 16**

_"**Heart beats fast**_

_**Colors and promises**_

**How to be brave**

_**How can I love when I'm afraid**_

_**To fall**_

**But watching you stand alone**

_**All of my doubt**_

_**Suddenly goes away somehow**_

_**One step closer…."**_

_**-Christina Perri, A Thousand Years**_

* * *

><p>"Can I ask you something, Mom?" Elena plopped down on her stomach on her mother's bed, watching her mom put her make up on at her vanity. She was sixteen, and she longed for the chance to connect with her mother as her parents marriage was beginning to break apart.<p>

Miranda smoothed her red lipstick across her lips and listened. "Of course, anything."

"What does it feel like to be in love…I mean, how do you know if you are?" she bit her lip and pressed her face down into the pillow, embarrassed.

"Elena…what boy has you thinking you're in_ love?"_ She sighed. "I think you're a little too young to be thinking about that kind of thing."

"I'm not _that_ young, Mom. I'm sixteen. And I'm not saying who it is. This is embarrassing enough…I don't want to get into details," she blushed.

Miranda sighed and looked into the mirror at her daughter's red reflection. She turned and sighed, walking over to sit on the bed next to her. She stroked her hair back sweetly and looked into her eyes. "There is no _real_ way to know…you just _do_. I know for me, it feels like I'm _home_ when I'm with him," but she didn't say John, she didn't say 'your father.' Elena didn't know…she couldn't know… "No matter what is happening, good or bad…I know I'll be okay because of him. He's my sounding board. I can yell and scream at him one minute if I need to…and the next I can fall into his arms and everything is okay again…" she sighed. "But love can _hurt_, honey. And if you're not careful and you fall in love when you're not ready…it can _change_ you…Love requires a certain maturity, Elena. I don't think you have that….no offense."

"I think you've answered my question," she said, looking away from her mother, moving to sit up.

"Elena, are you angry with me?" Miranda asked seriously, a worried look crossing her brow. "I'm not trying to insult you. I just don't want you thinking crazy things."

"I'm just tired of everyone thinking I'm a little kid, a little goody goody who can't do anything…I guess I just feel bigger than that. And I guess I know the answer to my question now. Sorry to bother you with my stupid little questions,"

"Elena…" She stood up, walking to the door that her daughter was about to push through.

"I know I _asked_…but I guess I just can't understand your answer, Mom. You act like love is a dangerous game that only adults can play. But I remember you telling me you were 18 when you met Dad and you instantly knew. That's two years away for me…18. So why is it so hard to believe that I can feel that way about someone now? And it's too late to warn me. I asked but I already now. I already _do_..."

"I don't want you to get your heartbroken by some little _boy_ who doesn't know what love is either. I don't want you to be dancing around clueless with the idea of _forever_ with someone who you'll probably forget about in a year."

"I'm glad you think so highly of my choice in guys, Mom," she rolled her eyes. "And you're wrong, you know. I _know_ better than to love someone who'll only break my heart. I'll never let it change me. The man I love would _never_ hurt me. But you don't have to worry…he doesn't even know how I feel," she slammed the door behind her and pounded down the hallway to her room.

* * *

><p>"Come back inside," Damon stood in the door frame of their store, watching her with careful eyes. "It's getting cold and it's late."<p>

She sniffed in her tears and inhaled, feeling her breath shake in her chest. Sometimes it was just too good to be true. Even when he'd been angry with her, he'd still reached out. It was those times when she wasn't sure how she felt. She should be _grateful_. She'd never have imagined he could forgive her. But the beautiful, colorful pages of his book told her otherwise.

She'd run away, done things that were completely irreversible…and he'd _dealt_ with it. He'd appeared to have overcome it…but he hadn't said the words. He hadn't admitted it to her. She could read between the lines, see what she _wanted_ to see...but until she heard them from him, a part of her would question _why_, how…

He looked at her with sad, knowing eyes, as if he could see just how shattered she'd become in the last few hours. Those thoughts, memories ripped through her, tugging her heartstrings until they snapped. It was a jumbled mess of love and jealousy and misunderstandings, she knew.

She'd barely made it an hour into their conversation before having a secret breakdown….and the minute she had another breakdown, he'd make them stop. The conversation would _never_ finish because she wasn't strong enough not to scream and yell…the darkest parts of her were dying to come out, but that sweet man and the _Daddy_ in him, couldn't let her…

"Hey…" he frowned when her eyes and thoughts appeared to stray, to darken. "Are you okay?" She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, ducking her head down a little as she passed him in the door frame, but his hand reached out to catch hers. Fire and ice…his touches felt soft but her brain still throbbed, ached with worry.

Ten years of nothing and now this…it _still_ didn't make sense. But it _had_ to….somehow.

"I'm falling apart…" she admitted. "I knew this would be hard, but this is so much more than I thought would happen…" she swallowed. "I thought this part of me was _dead_, Damon."

"I'm glad it isn't," he led her back into the bookstore. "I'm glad you're here with me. _Both_ of you," he smiled and touched her stomach for just a moment. "That'll never get old," his smile faded when he saw tears shining in her big eyes.

"I have a confession," her heart stilled as she spoke. The world could go black as soon as this started, she knew. She could very well just collapse from nerves. "I'm afraid of how easy this is for you…one day you're going to wake up and remember who I am," she felt her hands start to shake in his.

"Why are you afraid? If you know you're my dragon…you must know that I lo…" He stopped as her head shook back and forth desperately and she inhaled.

"Please don't say anything so final like this right now, Damon…I can't hear it right now." She didn't want to get into the most sensitive details behind his story's plot before they'd _really_ talked. She was afraid of what really understanding that book would _mean_…

"Don't shut down on me, please…" he pled. "What can I _do_?"

"You can tell me the truth…_all_ of it. Not the sugar coated versions that you think I need to hear because of the baby…not with gentle words that are going to lessen what you really _want_ to say because you're afraid I'm going to have a meltdown."

"I told you before, I _can't_ yell at you," he moved his hand up to stroke her cheek but she caught it before it ever touched the smooth skin. "You want me to be honest with you? I thought I was doing a good job of it a few minutes ago…in fact, I _was_ too rough, you had to step out, Elena…if I got louder, angrier…" he shook his head. "No, I'm sorry, I can't…"

"Then I'm leaving and we _are_ rescheduling this because I'm not in this for the PG version." Her hormones were flaring now…she was _moody_, he could see it in her eyes. "I'm not a fucking porcelain _doll_, Damon, I'm not going to break if you get too rough with me…" Angry tears were flowing, emotions from a woman who'd kept them in too long…

She'd been told by a dear friend she could _beat_ this…that she could rise above it within herself. Anytime she'd tried to break down, _talk _about how she felt regarding Damon, Elijah had just told her she was better than the 'wasted time' she'd spent worrying about him. He'd been all about her self-drive, her self-esteem and what _she_ had to do. He didn't dare talk about the whys…he held her accountable until he remembered what he'd done in terms of his sister…how she'd _died_ the night he let her _talk_ about it….he'd pushed her too hard..

After the initial conversations, he'd never let Elena talk out loud…he'd been afraid to, for many reasons…But he was _wrong_…keeping these emotions inside herself had made it worse. It was easier, for a while, to go on living as if she'd never have to see him again, never have to face her demons. But when the world came crashing down, she'd been completely unprepared for what she still _felt_…

"I'm not being this way because I think you're incapable, Elena…I don't want to hurt you…I'm _done_ hurting you, forever." His sweet words wouldn't be heard. He could've said anything but all she would've heard was that she was that she was too _weak_…

These were the things about Damon that scared her the most; his ability to make her burn up and freeze all at once. Did she have the right to be angry with him for being so gentle? Sometimes it was easier than believing she had the right to be his….

"I'm sick of being _babied_, don't you get it? You _are_ hurting me. You're not being honest with me. I look at you and I see all kinds of emotions. You're pushing back the darkness and bitterness and you're putting your heart on the front lines. How long is that going to work, Damon? You show gentleness and kindness so easily…maybe it's your nature…but you can't hide that little flicker that flashes through you when you look at me, too..." she swallowed. "I'm not a _saint, _Damon…call me _out _on it. Tell me how I've hurt you, what I've done to you…."

"No…that's over…I _know_ you, Elena…I know what you've done…I don't want to remember it, it doesn't _matter_ anymore."

"Then _we're_ going to be over before we even _start_…" she bit out at him. His stomach clenched at her words. Maybe she _did_ want something… "The minute you forget everything… _this_," she pointed between them, "_dies_….all this progress just dies. I don't know about you, Damon…but it's taken me _ten_ years to get to the point where I'm okay talking to you about this. This is _good_, it's _therapeutic_…but you're making me question why we're even trying…because after what I've been through I need someone who _understands_ me."

He frowned, unsure of what to say.

"You're too busy protecting me to realize what you're doing," her voice cracked. It wasn't easy to tell a man he was being too nice…but she _had_ to.

"And what is _that_, exactly?" He asked softly.

"You're _getting_ to me, obviously…" she closed her eyes. "If you meant _nothing_ to me I'd have left a long time ago…pregnant or not…"

"I _know_," he stared at her, his eyes sticking to the slight blush that was starting to creep up at such admissions.

"In fact, if it were any one _but _you acting this way toward me, I _would've _left by now…but for just a minute, try not to remember that, okay? Please don't use what we have between us against me…don't charm me…" She pled. "And don't _patronize_ me, Damon…please. I _hate_ this…we aren't strangers…as much as it seems like we used to be."

"So you're mad that I care enough to talk nicely to you? Come on, that doesn't even make sense. I understand what you're saying, but the last thing you need is me telling you the tale that was my _life_ without _you_…"

"I'm mad that you don't respect me enough to believe me when I say I can _handle _it. If you _want_ something with me…" her voice broke and she paused. "Then you _have_ to do this. You asked what you can do…it's your decision if it's worth it or not…." His heart was swelling at her words; he struggled to keep his head in the game when she said things like _that_.

She pulled her hands away from his, to keep her focus on what she meant. She continued, "Or will we go another ten years, this time pretending like we're fine. We'll work in our little store. Our baby will be born, and when it's ten years old you'll remember what I did to you and leave us…it'll be _worse_…" She was speaking under assumptions…referring to a future they hadn't even begun to discuss. She hadn't _let_ him discuss it…

But he could understand…he could hear what she _wasn't_ saying. She needed him too…she was just too…_Elena_…to come out with it. Her feelings were on the table, they were just under a pile of other problems…

"How could you think that, Lena…" he felt sick. "I would never do that…you make me feel _awful_…"

"So you say…but it's not _that_ hard for you to walk away when you get something set in your mind. Trust me, I've seen you do it before…" she was pushing him now, just to get things started…her pleading obviously wasn't working…now she had to break out the big guns. This was too important to walk away from. She'd threatened to reschedule but she knew she couldn't. It was now or never… "You know what? No, we're _not _rescheduling this. If I walk out that door right now Damon, _this_, right now…this won't happen because as little as I think of myself, I still know you owe me this..."

"I owe you a lot, but not this….not more pain. No." He said seriously, desperately.

"Fine…fuck you," she started walking through the doorframe. She was _supposed_ to be making _him_ angry, not revisiting _her_ anger. "You love this baby, but you don't respect me enough to do a simple thing I'm asking. You're keeping me behind glass, but you're _suffocating _me. You're making an image of me that doesn't exist because you... it's easier than dealing with what I really am, right?" She yelled. "You can love the baby without loving me….we know all _about_ broken families, don't we?" she twisted the knife. "We're _good_ at that."

He'd listened, heard the words. And all the while he'd been pushing his hands into his head, squeezing the sides and walking to the other side of the room. His eyes focused on the "Damon and Elena, 2000," that they _hadn't_ painted over, and everything came to a head…

"Fine, you want me to be honest with you?" He yelled, and she stopped in the doorframe. She'd never _really_ intended to leave… "I think it's really _shitty_ what you did to me the night of the burial….you're _right_, I do love this baby and I would never deny that I wanted it…but it doesn't change the fact that we created it in a _mess_…"

"Well we already _know_ that…" she said, rolling her eyes. He shook his head and continued,

"You say I don't respect you enough to be honest with you….but that's not it at all. I don't think you really _get_ what life was like without you. I can't be honest with you if I haven't even admitted it all to _myself_ yet…" he swallowed. "Saying these words out loud...it's new to me, too. I've danced around it, yes…but not really let them resonate. You see, I thought there was no point…"

"You dealt with things a lot better than I did," she said to him.

"That's what you think…because you were too _drunk_ and sexed up to see anyone else's pain but yours….not even your parents…." He bit out. It's what she wanted, but it _hurt_ him. He wanted to stop…but she'd begged him for this…"You were out _using_ your body, hurting yourself by fucking random men and your mother's body was withering away. She was trying to hold on and you were doing anything and everything to let go. You said you wanted to _die_, Elena…" He yelled. "Do you know how selfish that was? I get that it happened at separate times…that all that nonsense was before your mother got sick…but _still_…you _still_ were hurting yourself afterward."

She stared in silence. He could get to her deepest, darkest corners…the places the innocence went to hide when it got too hard…

"You know I feel terribly about that. You know I apologized to her…too late, but I _did_. I'm ashamed of that. You're throwing it in my face."

"You _want_ me to tell you what I feel. This is it. I don't want to do this but you're basically forcing me to. If I don't say this you'll _never_ be with me…" He froze when he heard her breath hitch in her throat. "And I can't…not again…" he shook his head, ending that little rant and starting a new one.

"I know what I felt and what I feel now…but the in between is…Elena I stopped a _marriage_ for you…knowing perfectly well you'd probably never come home….the idea of tying myself forever to a woman who wasn't _you_ was sickening…everything I did with her was _supposed_ to be with you…the family, the future…but you were _gone_…there _was_ no future."

"Why? Why did it _sicken_ you? You didn't _want_ me…at least not at that point. When we saw each other two years ago you made no move. I was vulnerable and could've been easily swayed. A snap of your fingers and that stupid ass lopsided smile and I would've been in your arms…" her voice broke, rising as if she were asking a question. "I _saw_ you holding her hand, smiling at her. You chose her, Damon. You saw me in the room and you chose _her_. You say you didn't love her, but you _must've_….to choose her over _this_."

"I _didn't_," he shook his head. "She was the easy future. The _normal_ road. I could've had her, kids, this business eventually…but I couldn't settle down. Someday this place would be _ours_," he pointed between them again, "I'd always have to face you…I'd be a married man…but Elena," he sighed, "What you're failing to see in all this is how it would've ended _anyway_. You'd have come here, we'd have worked together, and these feelings _would've_ crept up on me anyway…and then I'd turn into _him_…my _Dad_…wanting a woman other than my wife…because no matter what I did, you just kept _fucking_ with me…" he admitted angrily. "Even when you weren't _here_ you were screwing with my head…when I talked to you two years ago it was like getting a taste of something sweet and realizing you can't have it because you have a cavity and it _hurts_…" He laughed angrily. "Stupid analogy, but I can't think of a better way to explain it…"

She stared, and the words left her lips breathlessly. "So you stayed silent, then. You let me believe you were happily involved with her. And even if you _didn't _want me to know, _you _knew. You knew you didn't want her…didn't you? I'm definitely not her _fan, _but you hurt her, too. You used me to hurt her…I just don't get it. Why would you _propose_?d Why not just end it if you weren't happy?" She asked.

"I had to _try_, Elena. I didn't want to go through life lonely because my first _real_ love left me," he shook his head. "It was wrong to think I could learn to love her…"

"So why did you rush into it then? Why not wait until you knew if you could love her before doing something so big? You _had_ all the time in the world,"

"So I thought…but you scared the _shit_ out of me two years ago. I thought you were gone...I thought I was going to walk in that hospital room and hold my step mother's hand and pray for a miracle. Instead, I walked in to see _you_, and it just deepened the wound…" he laughed angrily. "I'd just thought I'd found my ending…in my book and in life. I thought I knew what I wanted. It was in my head, but not down on paper because I was afraid to write the words…" He gritted his teeth together, willing himself to say it…all of it, before it was too late. "You were dead…jail, random men…thinking of all of it was _killing_ me. I _had_ to get away….but then you just appeared and it was _back_…everything…as if you never left, as if you'd never done any of it. My heart's _stupid_ like that…"

She ignored his comment and pushed on.

"So your book….the dragon wasn't going to come home…."

"My dragon _died_ in the book, Elena…." He yelled. He pulled a copy off the shelf and flipped to a page. "Right here, right before the castle was in danger...the knight's father tells him the dragon _died_…" His eyes were shining with fear and anger. "What the hell kind of kid's book would it have been…" he spat. "The moral of the story? Sometimes, you _fail, _kids…." She could only stare. She was afraid to say anything, afraid he'd stop. "So quite while you're ahead." He slammed the book closed and flailed his arms around, continuing,

"I was going to kill that dragon because I thought it would _end_ this for me. I thought if you were _dead_ in my mind, I didn't have to always wonder if you'd come back. If you were _dead_, if these feelings were _dead_…you'd _never_ come back…if I buried that dragon, I could bury my pain." He bit out. "But then I saw you and I saw something in you that changed my mind. You were _home_, if only for a minute. You were _back_… I thought you _remembered_…"

"You make absolutely _no_ sense. If you wanted me, you should've just _said_ something." she repeated, needing to hear it…wanting the reason for its end to be _her_…"You shouldn't have tried to force something that wasn't real with her."

"The woman I saw for a minute and the woman that talked to me by that drinking fountain didn't match up. You were cold and rough and hard…I thought you were still gone…and it hurt me more, so I told myself I had to try something different to forget you. Everything else _wasn't_ working…"

"So you just gave up, again," he shook her head. She really had no place to talk about _giving up_, she knew….

"What other choice did I _have_? I was a _good_ person, Elena…I deserved to try to be happy, even if it would never really be 100%...you don't even know what those years with her were like…"

"You _are_ a good man, Damon," she breathed. "And you did deserve happiness that I couldn't give you…you chose good outlets to vent through…but you _hurt_ her, Damon…"

"What do _you_ care if I hurt her? You hate her," he frowned.

"Because I know what it's like to be in love with you and you just walk out the door as if you forgot where you were…just to be dropped like that, on a crazy whim where you didn't see it coming at all. _That's_ what it was for me…and you did it to her. That's what I mean before, how can I _know_ you're not going to get scared and walk out again? Not on this baby, but on _me_…."

"I _won't_…I'm scared right now, yelling at you…scared I'm able to feel this anger toward you that I convinced myself was gone….I just want to take _care_ of you, Elena…I'm _done _with this shit…I'm _different_ now, too." He frowned, "In small ways maybe, but I am. I _get_ it….I was a _kid_ then…"

"Keep going," she pled, staring into his watery eyes. "Please…this is _healthy_…tell me, about your book…about _why_ you changed the ending,"

"That's just it…this whole book thing…about how it's my therapy and my outlet…yes, it was…but putting those words on paper…knowing there was so much more to the story than just a silly fairytale nearly killed me." He handed her the book gently, his eyes on fire.

"I realized I had to _forgive_ you, Elena…it was the only way to set myself free. I had to forgive you…not believe you were dead. It haunted me for years before I realized that _that_ was my ending. Forgiveness. After _everything_, after all the shit we'd been through…when I thought of you hurting and sad and aching…I wanted to say I was sorry…and I wanted to forgive you for the way you hurt me. Even if you'd never say it yourself, even if you'd never apologize…I forgave you for all of it."

"How? How could you forgive me for what I did to you? The hurtful things I said….?"

"Because if I didn't I'd never be happy again." He said honestly. "I tried ridding myself of you all the time and I couldn't…so freeing _you_ freed me…I forgave you because I _loved_ you, and when you love someone like that…you'd do anything to forget that they hurt you. You want to remember the good times, if you have to move on. I thought in time maybe I'd _only_ remember my little friend, if I couldn't have you for real…" He huffed, drained.

"But every story has a backstory, doesn't it?" He smiled sadly, "The story of my dragon, and the story of _writing _that book is a whole other situation…Have you looked closely at it? Have you _noticed_ anything else about it besides _my_ name?"

Now came the hammer.

Elena searched the bylines and her eyes froze on the name of the illustrator. Her heart sank a little, knowing someone _else_ had helped him create their beautiful story…someone who'd been in _her_ place….

"I met Katherine when I decided to write that book. How twisted is _that_, Elena? I was writing a book about _us_ and wooing another woman…some fucked up therapy, hm?" Her eyes simply focused on the names…she couldn't look up at him for this.

"I needed an _illustrator_…." He breathed. "I went to a little café one day and I saw her drawing. Her strokes and lines were beautiful…and so was she," he frowned. "It was perfect…all of it. _She_ was perfect, I thought…because she wasn't _you_…" He yelled. "I could look at her and not see a monster…I could look at her and not see my _sister_. I didn't have to feel guilty about wanting to sleep with her..."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks…sobs were threatening to come out…

"We were working on ideas together one day, and before I knew it, she was in my apartment and I was taking her clothes off…" Elena let out a little gasp. "It happened fast and suddenly we were together…why _wouldn't_ we be? It's natural for that kind of thing to evolve when you work so closely with someone…." She breathed but it came out as a sob. "And at first, we were amazing. We were hot when I could forget you…those first few bits of time were what I needed to forget, for a few minutes…" She squeezed her eyes shut and walked to the other side of the room, away from him.

"Does it hurt to think of me with someone else? I'm sorry, but it's kind of funny….I mean I actually _saw_ you right after you screwed my friend…you were in countless men's beds…but I sleep with _one_ woman in ten years and it's wrong…one woman who I was actually going to _marry_…"

"It's not wrong, it's…I don't like to think about…"

"_Why_?" He said sadly. "Why can't you think about it. You want me to tell you how I feel, but you won't so much as come out and tell me _why_…." But his question would go unanswered, and he wasn't surprised. "I saw it in your eyes at the hospital, Elena…_that's_ what scared me. You looked upset that I was with her. You had no right…you shouldn't have cared, if you were really so _gone_ as you claimed to be, you wouldn't have given a damn who I was with or if I was even still around…."

"Well I _did_."

"Well thank you for at least _saying_ that for once," he gave it a second to resonate and she realized just how unfair she was being to him…forcing him to explain himself but shutting herself off. She didn't have a chance to dote on it for very long before he continued.

"But as I was saying, Katherine had done all my art before we saw you two years ago. Everything was set, I'd all but written the death scene of the dragon…but things were getting shaky after that day I saw you. She was pissing me off at the smallest of things…everything she did was _wrong_, and suddenly I realized she _wasn't_ perfect…and _that_ was because she wasn't you. You see, I made a complete 180 turn after that…just _seeing_ you set me on fire…you did dangerous things to me…"

His words were sweet, if you saw past the anger… the story of the dragon was _sweet_, if you didn't know it was true….

"Katherine found out you were more than just my step sister shortly after we saw you…my _dad_, of all people, got into the whole sob story…l" he slammed his book down. "After that she _hated_ this book. She'd already signed the contracts and she wanted success from it…she _knew_ it was a good story…but she hated what it meant once she realized I'd changed the ending…when she had to redraw that dragon, alive, she _snapped…_"

* * *

><p>"What the hell is <em>this<em>?" Katherine asked, touching the newly done tattoo on his back.

"What does it look like, Kat? I need to keep this with me…the memory of my book…the journey that got me here…"

"It looks like you're a god damn _mess_," she laughed. "It looks like you can't get over her. You have to mark yourself with her forever, is that it? You still _want_ her…you can't let go…You've been lying to me this whole time…"

"No…" he swallowed, lying. "It's for my book, not her…Kat, look at me." Panic was setting in.

"You know we're no good right now," she sighed. "Your stupid book…."

"You _drew_ for it," he reminded her, squeezing her hand. "It's your stupid book, too. But it's _over_. All of it. It's done, my tattoo is the end. I can move past it, all of it. I'm _free_. You were _happy_ I found an ending that was right…now we can be real…"

"That was before I realized why you changed it. Do you even love me…or did you just use me to be the art for _her_…a sister you could never _love_ as a sister?"

"Come on, Kat…I love you, of course I do," he frowned. "Don't question me…I have plans for us, big plans…just trust me. We're _free_…" But his words were lies. He'd freed himself, maybe…but the only way to really let go was to force himself to get away from that dragon forever. He'd gotten the tattoo so that he could always keep that pain with him, never forget _her_….but if he wanted a life, he needed to make it _impossible_ to ever want his dragon again…

Married people shouldn't want someone other than their spouse….look where _that_ got them…

"Promise me, you want me…" she whispered. "Promise me I'm not just a stand in for _her_…"

"I promise…I'll _marry_ you one day and show you," he whispered back in her ear, but his stomach ached as he realized what it meant. "I know who you are, Katherine…"

* * *

><p>"But I didn't know who I was when I was with <em>her<em>," he admitted. "Not like I did when I was with you…" he swallowed.

Damon threw himself down on the beanbag and released more emotion. "Proposing to her, setting up a life without you was hurting me, _still_…suddenly all I saw was _you_…" There were angry drops in his eyes, threatening to fall. "You walked back into my life and scared me into thinking I had to do anything and everything to drop you forever…suddenly I was rushing things just to get away from the feelings I thought were gone…but I was sleeping with _you_ in my head, _kissing _the memory of _you_… all along knowing you didn't want me…do you know what that's like?"

"Of course I do. I nearly drown myself in sex and alcohol trying to get away from you! You thought you were being a martyr, Damon…risking getting hurt to save me from myself…but if you would've just stopped and said 'I love you' to me…_I_ would've stopped everything. I was insecure, I still _am_…" she paused. "You_ wouldn't_ say you loved me. You'd say everything _but_ that…and _that_ made me do all those dangerous things more…because no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't _good_ enough for you…you _never_ chose me…_that's_ how it felt."

"Elena…"

"No," she shook her head. "I know I've said it about ten times, but it's because it was a time when we could've stopped everything...so again, at the hospital. If you wanted me…you had the chance to say something and you _didn't_…how was I supposed to _know_? I was _better_ by then. I was _human_ again…not some crazy sex monster…I was trying to get my life back on track, be _normal_…we could've tried…"

"The crazy thing is that we're yelling at each other like this about who should've just said they loved the other one first," he said slowly. "Do you see a pattern here? We're fighting because we both wanted the other person to just give in…_this _is why we don't have to fight, Elena. We're _here_ now..."

"Yes, we're here now, but I'm _terrified_ of you," she yelled. "Any minute now you're going to walk over here and _do_ something sweet or say something and I'm afraid it's going to set me off again. I don't _want_ to question why you're doing these things. I want to believe you realize who I am…that I'm not _her_. You wanted _her_ for ten years. How can I live up to that? I'm nothing like her anymore."

"Yes you are," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You kiss like her…you taste like her, Elena…" he touched her bottom lip. "You did that night. You're a little wilder than when I first taught you…but it's still that familiar sense of greatness…" her eyes flicked down to his lips and she froze. She was getting caught up again…she was _supposed_ to be upset right now…"But I know you're _not_ her, okay? I know who you are…and I like it."

Focus. Focus.

"See, the sweet…" she gestured to his hand on her hair but he shook his head, smiling. "That's what I mean. You do that shit and screw me all up thinking it really _is_ all some big fairytale."

"I love stories with happy endings," he smiled. "Don't you?"

"But I'm no princess and I couldn't be saved…I'm sorry, but this isn't one of those stories right now," she swallowed, pushing his hand away. She wasn't _done_ being angry, and he wasn't either, she knew.

"Ouch," he said seriously. "That was kind of mean."

"Yeah well that's just it. I _am _mean sometimes. You say you know me now and I might believe you, but you didn't know who I was the night we had sex, did you?" She asked seriously as his fingers still rested on the back of her head. "You slept with me because you thought I was someone else. You said you _regretted_ me…" she cried.

"I _did_," he said seriously, backing away from her again as her eyes burned in anger and hurt. "Elena, I don't know what happened that night, but the woman I had sex with and the woman who left my hotel room in the wee hours of the morning were two very different people."

"Because you were too caught up on what you _wanted_, not who was there with you," she yelled. "If you didn't want it, you could've fooled _me_," she laughed. "You could've stopped after one time, but no, you kept on _going_. You woke me up, you stared in my eyes and said sweet things to me. You made me feel like you still _loved_ me…like I was finally good enough…and then as soon as I get afraid for the slightest of seconds and back off, you're yelling at me, biting my head off and telling me I was a mistake…" she cried. "I wanted you for ten years…I wanted _that_ with you for ten years and the first god damn thing you say when I seem a little _off_ is that you regret me."

He stared in silence before he realized what he wanted to say. "That's not true. I begged you to stay with me…"

"What, for more sex? I _know_ I'm good at it, Damon…but I didn't _want_ that to be what that was about that night…"

"No…I said we could just _sleep._ You're the one who made it feel like a one night stand. You pushed me _away_. You told me not to touch you. You weren't the only one who was afraid that night. We shared something so full of emotion that had been so forbidden considering everything that happened between us….I thought it was going to _change_ things. I _felt_ things from you, Elena. I felt warmth and happiness," he smiled bitterly. "_Forgive_ me for wanting that piece of you that had been gone for so long…how can you blame me for being upset when I came to realize I was just another one of your fuck jobs. It _hurt_ me that you made it seem like it wasn't _more_ to you. I tried to show you…I know the first time was….crazy…but the second time…"

Elena looked away for a minute.

"I tried to show you what it meant to me. Yes, it was a surge of everything we weren't allowed to do for so long…but it wasn't just that for me. I was making love to the woman who I thought I'd never see again…let alone be able to _love_…" he paused, feeling slightly panicky that his feelings were coming out more obvious than he meant them to. "It was everything to me…regardless of _how_ it started or how much alcohol we'd had. But then you said it wasn't special…it was just _sex_, like every other man you've ever slept with and I realized what I'd done. I'd just thrown everything I'd worked for out the window for a night with a _stranger_."

"Bullshit," she laughed. "I haven't slept with anyone in four years…"

"I know that now," he admitted. "And that's why I understand I _wasn't_ just one of those men for you. But you weren't communicating that to me that night. You were closed up and there was no budging. You were _done_. If we'd just done _this_…like now…"

She ignored him and continued yelling.

"I gave up four years of celibacy for one night with you…I told myself I wasn't good enough, that you were going to turn me down again…so I went into my old habits, wore my sexy clothes and treated you like a stranger because that's what I _knew_…but it wasn't just sex. I was terrified of it, to be honest. I was afraid of what that would be like with you after so many years of meaningless sex with men who I didn't know. I was afraid of the emotions that would come with it. And I was _right_ to be afraid…because I still got hurt, just like I knew I would."

"So why did you do it? Why did you come up to my room and put your hands all over me? You had to know I was drunk…you had to know I couldn't resist you anymore. Not after what we'd been through the days before it…the sadness. I _needed_ that…and I needed it with _my_ Elena…that comfort, that time with you where we could remember what it was like to be _happy_." he frowned. "I wasn't going to do it, you know. I was going to turn you down and tell you to leave…but then I saw something in your eyes that made me realize you weren't completely gone…that same flash I saw at the hospital two years ago. It does me in, every time…and you're doing it right now…" he lip curled up into a little smile.

Focus. Focus.

"Because you're trying to grab onto something that isn't there anymore. You're doing it to yourself. You hurt yourself that night. I wasn't the only one who made you regret it…"

"I _know_…I get that I'm not innocent. I get that I could've stopped. But I didn't want to. I lost control with you. I _never_ let myself go like that, without being safe, without any kind of self-awareness…but the thought of you was too overwhelming to me…I'm _sorry_. All I saw was the old you."

"It has to stop. You have to stop expecting me to just wake up one day and be all better. I'm _damaged_, Damon. I have demons that will take me years to face, still…but it doesn't mean I'm a lost cause. It doesn't mean I'm not _sorry_…"

"I _know_," he repeated. It was all he could say half of the time. Those words wouldn't get him in trouble like the ones he _needed_ to say.

"I'm sorry for the way it happened, too. I was so worried that you were going to turn me down again…and you told me you wanted us to just _forget_…" she bit her lip. "But when I started to forget that you _hurt _me so many years ago, I started to _feel_ things that scared me. Little flutters, little skips…emotions I thought I'd never feel again…the second time it happened…when you looked into my eyes. I felt like you _needed_ me...like I was still it for you…"

"You won't let me say what I want to say…" his eyes softened. "What you deserve to hear…"

"You're right," she whispered. "Because I'm still afraid…I still don't' believe you won't leave me."

"Why are you so insecure?" He frowned. "You shouldn't be. You're smart and strong and absolutely gorgeous. You're a grown woman…you're a _mother_, Elena. You should be fearless like I know you could be."

"How can I _not_ be insecure? My late teens and all but two years of my twenties I've been made to feel like I'm a screw up," she shook her head. "No one else takes any responsibility for the stuff we've gone through. Mom blamed me for years, Dad sounded like he was going to a funeral every time I talked to him…all I did was disappoint everyone. And you…you were a distant memory."

"I said a while ago I was sorry, that I was wrong. I should've never chosen my parents over us. I know I hurt you…I _saw_ what it did to you. Maybe I didn't see all of it, but the parts I did see were enough to know I need to be forgiven, too….if you could…"

"I can forgive you," she said seriously, "But I'm not going to lie. I'm not like you. I'm not the strong little knight who is set _free_ from forgiveness. I guess I just require a little more time and examples. I'm _sorry_ that I can't walk blindly around, holding your hand and assuming we're going to just live happily ever after. I used to be, but I'm not that naïve little girl anymore. I _know_ what it is to love and be hurt. I know we were kids and compared to everything else we've been through, one would say a little teenage breakup is nothing…but you were the only man I _ever_ loved. And we barely scratched the surface…imagine what it would've been like now…if we'd loved like _that_ for a decade longer." She frowned. "Good love, _healthy_ love."

"I do imagine," he swallowed, afraid to elaborate. She was being so strong…he couldn't screw it up…not after she'd said she couldn't blindly fall into this with him.

"So do _I_…but I'm not a writer like you. My imagination isn't as strong. Sometimes I wish I could pretend, play _house_...like this was some story. But I know we can't just do that. This is _good_ that we're talking like this. I know you didn't want to. It's sweet of you to be so concerned about me, but I hope you understand what I need from you. If you're going to baby me all the time, this won't work." She kept referring to 'this' but she never made a move. She never said what it was she wanted...

"Okay," he nodded." And yes, you were right. I _needed_ to get angry with you…get it out there. I needed to tell you how I felt all those years." He walked up close to her and took her hand. "But Elena, when will it be okay for me to tell you how I feel _now_?"

"I think I already know," she scrunched her eyebrows a little and exhaled. "I'm your dragon…" she pointed up to the quote. "You resurrected me from the dead…You love me." She smiled. "But I want to make sure you let it settle a little, let us get into a routine with this place and with whatever we have with each other before you explain to me what kind of love that really is, okay?"

He nodded, somewhat disappointed. He'd have to settle for that right now. At least she _kind_ of knew. "So where do we go from here? The business if losing sales…I spend every day thinking of what I want for it and us…"

"This might be a bad time to ask, but would you be okay if I left for a little while?" She exhaled. "I have something I need to do for myself. It's…important."

"I'd be okay here, if _you're_ okay going…wherever you're going…" he needed to remember their conversation. He _couldn't_ baby her. He needed to let her do her own thing…

"I need to go to New York. I want to talk to Elijah. He's been a great friend, but I think there's something very wrong about how our friendship works. And I need to _tell_ him, Damon. I'm almost 11 weeks along and he still doesn't know."

"Go," he smiled. "You need to, you're right." Damon knew it could only _help_ his situation. The fact that Elijah was always in the back of her head scolding her wasn't moving things along at all.

"You aren't afraid of me being alone with him? I saw your jealous eyes when he was in town."

"Did you now?" He laughed. "Okay, fine," he winked. "But after the conversation we just had, I'm _confident_ you won't be walking out on me for him. Now go, have fun, and I'm gonna say this because I would have anyway, not because I think you're fragile…be careful. If you need anything while you're gone, please, call me. I'll watch your house, okay?"

"Thank you," she smiled. "Thank you for understanding and not fighting me on this. You asked what you could do…._this_ is exactly it. You can _trust_ me." She slowly opened her arms and walked into him, resting her chin on his shoulder. "I won't hurt you anymore."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you! Elena needs to deal with her Elijah situation. She needs to understand the way she healed versus the way she still needs to. She needs to be honest with him about everything. He's important to her, but she's afraid he'll always look down on her for her choices with Damon. We need to see this…and a lot of people loved Elijah, so I'm sneaking him in again! Can't wait to write it!**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: I am officially on vacation for a week, so I will try to sneak in a few updates! That last chapter was heavy, I know. Imagine me at work, my head spinning with dialogue for it and not being able to write it down…. I'm glad it's done. It was necessary but it didn't make it any easier to read or write, so thank you for bearing with me. **

**This one has more of a balance. Light and serious moments. We'll see Elijah again…and that'll open a whole **_**new**_** can of worms…**

**I'm so honored by the new story and author alerts! Thanks for your thoughts. I'd love to hear them, as always, but especially after this one!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 17 **

"So my mail comes late…like 3 pm. And Ethel next door gets _really_ cranky if you leave the windows open and play music too loudly," she zipped her suitcase and checked her purse for her cell phone and keys. "And I forgot to tell you…" she bit her lip. "I hope this isn't going to be a problem…"

Damon looked at her nervously, unsure of what was coming next. Considering the rollercoaster of emotions she'd put him through four days ago, he wasn't sure he was ready for any more surprises. She crouched down and reached her arms out under her bed, pulling out a fat black cat.

"This is Ms. Dimples," she waved it declawed paw at Damon and he smiled, his eyes lighting up at Elena's happy expression. "Sorry to spring this on you…not sure how you are with animals…" she gritted her teeth. "I found her walking down my street three days ago. She had no collar or tags, and when I called about her, they said there weren't any cats reported missing that matched her description…" she was starting to ramble now.

He reached out to take the cat, but it jumped away from him and scurried under the bed.

"I've been so busy trying to get everything ready for my trip that I forgot to ask you if you'd be okay watching her. I just assumed since you're staying here that she'd just be part of it…but I don't even know if you're allergic or…"

"It's fine," he smiled. "I'm not allergic, and I've always wanted a cat, actually."

"She's not very friendly yet. Can't blame her really, she doesn't know where she is or what we'll do with her. She seems to have taken to sleeping at my feet at night, though. Must be because she knows I feed her." She sighed. "Tell me…" her expression turned soft. "Are you _really_ okay with me going to see Elijah?"

"Yes," he nodded, and it was the truth. Five days ago he would've said no. Five days ago he would've been jealous and concerned that she'd go back to New York, remember everything she loved about it, and never come back. Back when they'd first taken over the business, she'd mentioned selling her half of the business….

But now he trusted her. He'd learned a lot from their screamfest the other night… a lot about her, but mostly, a lot about himself. All this time he'd thought he'd been the strong one. He'd thought he had everything under control because he hadn't resorted to drinking or drugs or random women. But Elena had pointed things out that made him feel like _she_ was the strong one.

She _wanted_ to face it…all of it, the good, the bad…she was _ready_. He'd wanted to talk, but not like _that_ and not all at once. Her sense of urgency to fix them was refreshing, surprising. It's what she _always_ did these days; surprised him.

"Don't you worry about Ms. Dimples and I. We'll be _fine_," he peeked under the bed. "She'll be sleeping with me in no time," he winked and Elena rolled her eyes. "Can I say something about this without sounding like I'm scolding you?"

"Yes, since you've put that disclaimer on it," she smiled.

"It's great that you want to help animals, and I'm glad you took the proper steps in trying to find her owners…but have you thought about your health?" He frowned. "She's a _cute_ cat, Elena," he flashed a lopsided smile. "But is she up to date on vaccines? Have you had her checked for fleas? And not to sound bossy here or anything, but you can't change the litter box. It's not safe for pregnant women…"

"There's that Daddy in you again," she smiled. "Yes, I've taken her to the vet, done the shots thing. And yes, I know about the litter box. Ethel came over to change it once already,"

"I'd be happy to stop over and help you with her," he smiled, "anything to keep you healthy."

Her smile was bright, different now. Things had been calm since their talk. He hadn't once tried to tell her he loved her, though it was times like these, when she looked so happy, that he saw just how wonderful their future could be. There'd been peace at the bookstore. He'd seen her staring at the cover of his book a few times, as if she were planning something….

"To be honest, I feel a little guilty to be leaving on a trip when you have so much over your head right now. The business, my house, and now my _cat_," she sighed. "I want to go…I _need_ to go, for myself."

"You don't have to explain, Lena," he smiled. "If you say you need to, then I believe you. And like I said before, we'll all be just _fine_. Take your trip, relax for a while. I know you love New York…the hustle and bustle."

She'd walked out to her living room and up to her picture window. Her eyes caught on the serenity of her street…kids playing baseball in the traffic free streets. Elderly couples walking hand in hand and smiling, as if they'd seen it all before. She could envy them.

"I love it here," she smiled, seeing her happy reflection in that window.

"You're a city girl," he walked up behind her, pushing his right hand against the glass and watching the scenes play out before them. "It's okay to be excited to go home you know."

"This is my home," She nodded slightly, almost unnoticeably, as if she were confirming it to herself. "It always has been," she swallowed. "I was meant to be here."

"That's how I feel, too," he smiled. "At the risk of touching on something somewhat painful," he paused. "New York was never right for me. It was always too big, too much. And as hard as I tried to grow up and discover myself there, I couldn't. You know I only applied there because of you…" her eyes caught on his in the window and she turned as she saw him look down at her. "I got into other schools."

"What?" She furrowed her brow, shocked.

"They were all far away. UCLA, Minnesota," he admitted. "Too far away from you."

"But even after we broke up, we were still in high school. You could've gone somewhere else. You had time to change your mind…you could've gotten away from me," her wheels were turning. "Why did you come to NYU?" A few days ago all she would've gotten from this information was that he wouldn't have been there to hurt her. She would've been _better_…but now this piece of info make her feel _special_…as if he really _never_ had stopped loving her. She saw that now…

"I didn't _want_ to be away from you," he said sweetly. "It's like you said a thousand times. I followed you around like a lost puppy. I didn't _need_ school, Elena. I always knew I'd be working in our bookstore. I could've gone somewhere else when I left NYU, but I just didn't want to. I didn't have it in me anymore."

"I feel responsible," she said softly, guilt dancing off her tongue.

"You're not," he smiled, shaking his head. "And I don't regret it. But I am happy that you finished and got your degree. You worked _hard_. I'm proud of that. You should be too."

"I am," she nodded. "There was a time when I didn't care about any of it. And I know I didn't _need_ that degree to run this business. But it's helping, in ways,"

"You know…I've been thinking," he smiled, still locked with her eyes. "I've been so wound up about my ideas to transform our store into this kids' paradise…and I haven't once asked you what you'd like to do with it. You're smart. I'm sure there are little things you have ideas about that you're keeping to yourself, maybe _big_ ideas."

"Maybe," she winked. "We can talk more about that when I come home," she glanced at her cell phone and her eyes twitched. "It's almost time for me to leave for the airport. I have my luggage, my tickets…purse, cell…" she looked around her surroundings wildly, all the while mist had begun to sneak into her brow eyes. Her stomach was tightening nervously, aching almost…and then she realized… she felt _sad_. She was sad to leave Mystic Falls, to leave _him_…if only for a little while. "Am I forgetting anything?" She surprised herself as she found her emotional eyes being _honest_ with him.

"You forgot to kiss Ms. Dimples goodbye," he teased, rubbing his hand gently along her arm, feeling her move closer to him. He had to lighten the moment. Her hormones were getting the better of her, he was sure. Now was the time to show her he could _be_ the man who wouldn't point out her silly problems or emotions; just understand and help her _deal_ with them. "I'll tell her you're sorry."

She laughed and walked into his chest, pressing her nose into the crook of his neck. Her tears slid down her cheeks and soaked into his turquoise t-shirt. She sniffled a little, but smiled still as his chin rested on the top of her head.

"I'm going to miss you," she admitted. "I want to go…but it's not to get away from our problems or to get away from _this_," she calmed fears he didn't even know he had. "It's not because we had that fight…it's a step in the right direction, in every way."

"I know," he kissed her head quickly and rested his cheek on it, staring at their reflection in the window. They were _beautiful_ like this…these tiny snippets of time where they could just be Damon and Elena without all the baggage it came with.

"Buy me a t-shirt or a crappy keychain?" He watched her lips turn upward and she snuggle into him tighter, nodding. He couldn't say he understood her sometimes but he was slowly learning to let her take her time. There were times when he'd look into her eyes and think _this is it…this is the moment it's all going to happen_…and there were other when she seemed ages away from being there.

But his heart could burst waiting. "I'll miss you, too," he said finally, giving her a moment to handle her confession before he gave her his most certain words. "I always do."

She smiled and pulled away from his chest and wiped the last stream of tears from her cheek. She stared into the eyes of a man she'd said goodbye to so many times, in so many ways. But never before had it felt _okay_ or temporary. This time she would come home to _him_, not a memory.

Her feet were moving closer to him now, inches away from his lips. She wanted to…she wanted to lean up and press the sweetest of goodbye kisses on his lips. But her breath caught in her throat and she felt her stomach swirling in nausea again. She wasn't sure if it was nerves or the baby…but something didn't want her to kiss him in that moment. She smiled and backed away, but the _almost_ moment didn't stand between them. There wasn't the awkwardness there should've been.

"And I'll miss_ you,_ too," he looked at her stomach and smiled, speaking to If he wasn't allowed to baby _her, _he could at least baby the _baby._ "Please drink water on the plane. The air is so dry. Call me when you get there?"

"I will," she nodded, pulling the handle of her rolling suitcase up and opening the front door. "Thanks for this. I'll see you in four days."

"Four days," he sighed. He frowned, unsure if he was being too pushy.

As she clicked the door closed, he saw a black shadow crossing the room. Ms. Dimples rubbed against his ankle, and he crouched down to lift the fat cat up, and used its paw to wave out the big window to Elena. She waved back, laughing, and for the first time in a _long_ time, he felt like everything really _was_ okay.

* * *

><p>There was something amazing about the idea of staying at her house while she was gone. He'd surrounded himself with her things before, cried silent tears into her pillow at her childhood home when they'd been just 21. But he could only find happiness now. He'd insisted on sleeping in the guest room, but she'd assured him Ms. Dimples would be lonely if she didn't have a sleeping partner. He'd laid in her bed as soon as she'd left, staring at the picture he'd seen framed on her nightstand…a crazy picture they'd taken of themselves painting at 4 a.m.<p>

Things like _that_ made him realize that as complicated as she made them seem sometimes, it was the simple moments that really _meant_ something. They were both clinging onto the silly, new moments that happened between them. They _had_ to. As much past as they had, they'd never build a future if they didn't make _new_ memories. Nothing good would rise from standing idly by…

And as much as Elena needed those four days in New York, he needed those four days to himself….to be alone with these _new_ feelings. It had been obvious to him since the burial that he would never be able to shake her. He'd wanted her so badly that he'd pushed past her wildest, darkest moments to have even a taste of what it would be like to be with her again.

She was right about _all_ of it. He'd said the worst thing at the worst time possible. And what he should've said four days ago, when they'd yelled and screamed, was that he didn't regret sleeping with her. He regretted sleeping with her like _that_, before they knew what they were doing or what they wanted. The emotions that had come out the night of the burial weren't sane. It was a jumble of want and need …of grief and pain and anger…

But now it would be so different, if it happened again. If she ever trusted him enough, if she could ever see past her insecurities and just _realize_ she was the only woman he ever really wanted, it _would_ be simple. Their bodies knew what they wanted, now their hearts and minds had to realign and life would be perfect.

Elijah had said she was _strong_, and he could see it a lot of ways. She was rough with him, _mean_ even, when she had to be. She'd gotten him to spill the insides of his heart all over that bookstore floor four nights ago…he'd said things he didn't know were still _bothering_ him. Her strength and ability to overcome her fear of talking to him was encouraging. _She_ was the one pushing him to be strong, and he was the one shutting down. She was strong. How could she think she wasn't good enough? There was _no_ one better…not for him.

* * *

><p>The scent of the city swirled in Elena's nose. Car and bus exhaust, hot dogs, cigarettes…reminders of a life well left behind. Everything was the same…the walk up the four flights of stairs to her old apartment sent flashes of pain and regret through her memory. She'd walked drunkenly up those steps at 22, as she'd fought to stop her pain. She'd ripped random men's clothes off in that dark hallway at 2 a.m. at 23, until Elijah had hauled her ass back up the stairs and stared at her in sadness. But that was <em>years<em> ago now. She didn't have to remember _that_ part of her life in New York…she could remember the good times, the times she'd spent with her dear friend, Elijah, and the life she'd rebuilt slowly.

But now that she'd talked to Damon, _really_ started to talk…she'd realized just _why_ things had been so easy with Elijah. When she'd met him, the first reasons she'd given him for her poor behavior was she was _heartbroken_. The entire foundation of their friendship was built on the idea that one man had hurt her so badly that she'd completely lost herself. And while he'd been encouraging of her, pushing her to better herself, to overcome it, she'd failed to see his encouragement had all centered about forgetting _Damon_.

Back then, she thought taking her anger out on Damon, blaming _him_ for her pain, was the easiest way to heal. Yes, she realized her actions were her own, but her was always Damon, and Elijah always sided with her. If Damon had never broken her heart, if he'd never _existed_, she'd never have sunk so low, she thought. But how could she know what life would've been like? She couldn't even get his image out of her brain long enough to pretend he wasn't real…she didn't _want_ to.

But now she had a purpose. Her visit wasn't a simple vacation. She had to talk to him…tell him everything. She needed her very best friend to know she was almost three months pregnant and absolutely, terrifyingly, in _love_ with the father. This news wouldn't sit well with Elijah, she knew. But he'd always been honest with her, even if she didn't want to hear it. She owed this to him…

* * *

><p>"Okay," she breathed, opening her old apartment door and walking right in as she had thousands of times. Her head ached with the small details…what to say, when to say it. She knew the longer she waited, the worse it would be. It would already seem as if she'd been lying to him...<p>

She thought she knew what would come from her confessions, but she had _no_ idea what was coming…. He wasn't the only one who'd be surprised.

"Hi, sweetheart," he said, jumping up off the couch and pulling her into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here…"

Elijah's world tipped off its axis when Elena crashed into his arms…his feelings were confirmed..

He was a lot of things to Elena; there wasn't one word to describe their relationship. He'd seen her as a sister and a friend, a roommate and a criminal, but lately, the idea of Elena being anywhere close to him felt _different_. She'd been away for almost three months…three _long_ months…

Now she was in his arms again and his biggest fears were coming _true_…it felt _amazing_…

They had been strong together. Every solid step she'd taken was by his side…and in the blink of an eye, her parents were dead and she was _gone_…sprinting into Damon's arms, it seemed.

Life without Elena wasn't as easy as he thought it would be. It didn't just pick up off where it had left off eight years ago, before he'd met her. Elena had been in his life for almost a decade…he'd had her nearly all to himself. It was good enough….all he needed, he thought. But his brain had been scrambling for the last three weeks since he'd left Mystic Falls…

Damon and Elena asked him several times if he was jealous and the answer had always been the same. It was _natural_ to say no…it wasn't like _that_ with her…ever. But when he'd left, he'd had a _sick_ feeling in his stomach that he couldn't identify. He knew now…it _was_ jealousy….

He'd seen her with countless men but it had never bothered him aside from the fact that she was being reckless. But when he'd seen her with Damon, the man who'd _broken_ her, something clicked. She wasn't supposed to fall back into Damon's arms so easily. She was supposed to talk to him about her feelings, yes. But she wasn't supposed to love him…she was supposed to just get peace of mind and move on. If she finally _talked_, it would be _done_. She wouldn't have to hurt anymore. She'd be _free_…

Damon was poison…if not to _her_, then to _Elijah's _ever-changing relationship with Elena….

Just when had things changed? Had it been sudden, or had it been happening all along? When did he start feeling like _this_?

He exhaled and forced his arms away from her, leading her inside to the familiar surroundings.

Elena frowned as her eyes scanned the floor, seeing socks and empty beer cans scattered around haphazardly. "Well, you've certainly let this place go," she shook her head and took her suitcase into the extra bedroom. She arched her eyebrow and smiled when she reappeared. "No pretty candles and nice paintings around _here_ anymore."

"Yes…I miss you around here. You made this place a home, Elena. Now it's just a place to rest between shifts," she frowned. He sounded sad.

They shared small talk for an hour or so before his new roommate walked into the room.

"My roommate's a good guy, but….," he said, and on cue, a blond, blue eyed man walked in carrying a bag of half eaten potato chips and beer. Elijah's lips turned upward and he laughed. "Old roommate, meet _new_ roommate."

"You're right man, she's way prettier than I am," Matt laughed, reaching his hand out to shake hers. She smiled, but the words started processing in her brain and she looked up at Elijah to see him staring down at her…differently. He grabbed a beer and handed it to Elena.

"Um, no thanks, I don't drink much anymore…." She handed it back.

"That's my girl," Elijah tightened his arm around her shoulder. "Thinking of having one myself, though."

"I thought you were on call today," Matt plopped down on the couch. "We can't have New York's Finest drinking…"

"Yeah, you're right," he shook his head. He _wouldn't_ drink…not to get her out of his head. Wouldn't _that_ be the pot calling the kettle black? But she was _dangerous_ to him now. How the _hell_ had he not seen it eight years ago? She'd been beautiful from day one, he knew. She had a certain_ fire_ about her, but he hadn't given it much thought past that….

He didn't have to ponder that for very long. He'd shown her years ago he was the perfect man. He could take care of her and let her be herself all at once. They had a _balance _that was so rare. But he'd been too concerned with _helping_ her to realize he was falling….

"Oh…" Elena frowned. "I'm sorry…I didn't know. If you need to work…"

"Don't be silly…they just sprung it on me. One of the other guy's wives went into labor so I said I'd pick it up. I hope you aren't upset that I might have to leave on your first night in…" he sighed. "Life as a cop in New York City, you know."

"Na, I knew what I was getting into when I met you. You acted tough but now look at you…eating cereal in Scooby Doo pajama bottoms," she said as she realized what he was wearing. "If the boys could see you now…." She pulled out her phone and set it to camera mode.

It was easy to have fun with him. She had to while she could, because in a few minutes, it would get too serious…

"Elena, no…" he laughed, walking over to her and wrapping his arm around her to cover the lens. "You haven't been home for more than ten minutes and you're already acting up," he teased, but he hadn't moved his arm, she noticed. Something was strange…out of sorts with him. "Bad girl."

He'd always been _friendly_ with her, but even _she_ noticed he was more touchy feely in Mystic Falls than normal. She'd thought he was just testing Damon, trying to push his buttons because that was just _so_ Elijah…but Damon wasn't here _now_…and his hands were creeping around to the front of her stomach. He wouldn't like what he found there if he pressed too hard…

She wasn't showing much, as she was small, but it felt noticeably different…

She slid away from him, giving him a confused look. Her eyes went from his arm to his eyes and she frowned, trying to understand….

Not _him_…not _him_, too…. He was supposed to be the only man who _didn't_ act like this with her….

Matt cleared his throat, noticing the sudden awkwardness. "I'm going to head out…I forgot I was supposed to meet Vicki for lunch…" Elijah shot him a glare, but Matt just shrugged and walked through the door. "Keep your phone on," he reminded him.

Once Matt was gone, Elena found herself leaning against the wall of his living room, her arms wrapped behind her.

"What's up with you?" She swallowed. "You're all…" she waved her arms around. Maybe it was just the hormones, she thought. Maybe his lingering stares and touches were all in her head. "I don't know, I mean, I've only been here a few minutes and you're already so…"

"I'm happy you came home to see me," he said calmly. He didn't_ mean_ to do it…he wasn't trying to be different…he didn't even realize, really. But _she'd_ noticed, somehow. He'd done _something_ to reveal feelings that he thought he'd kept hidden.

He was afraid to tell her. He'd seen what something like this had done to her before….but she meant something to him

"I'm happy to see you, but Mystic Falls is my home, Eli," she said simply. "I need to talk to you…but something about this moment doesn't feel _right_. You're on call and you're acting strange and…I don't want to upset you and then…I need your full attention for this. I'm afraid I don't have it right now."

"You always have it," he confirmed, smiling sweetly. "How're things?"

She sighed as he looked at her calmly. Her imagination was running wild now...but was she just coming up with things to delay what she needed to tell him?

"Amazing," she said, her eyes wide with happiness. "Scary sometimes, and a little overwhelming, but _amazing_."

Elijah frowned. Had he expected her to say she was unhappy? The last time he'd seen her she was crying over painting and now she was through the moon? What kind of friend wanted the other to be sad? A man so desperate to be her one and _only_….

"Things are happening, Elijah," she swallowed, "Big, _crazy_ things. I want to share them with you. I _need_ to…but I'm afraid. I want to be able to sit down with my best friend and spill my guts, but something's _wrong_ with you right now…you keep shaking your head, but I _see_ it. I know you…"

"Nothing's wrong, silly. Come on, sweetie," he touched her cheek. "Don't mind my crankiness…I don't want to ruin whatever it is you need to say. Go ahead,"

Her hand went up to pull his wrist down, setting it back at his side. "This," she furrowed her brows. "Why are you touching me so much?" Maybe she _was_ paranoid, she thought…but he couldn't be doing this…not with what she was about to drop on him.

"I'm sorry," he walked to the couch, plopping down on it. "I guess I didn't realize I was acting any differently…I didn't mean to…I just miss you so much…"

Elena stared into his eyes, trying so hard to _read_ him. He'd acted somewhat different when he'd visited her. They'd argued about Damon and he'd almost left with things still _bad_ between them, but they'd mended it at the last minute. She couldn't understand what had come over him now.

She stayed silent for a moment as her insides began to twist. She had to tell him now. She had to just come out with it…not make it such a big deal. This was her life now; she should be proud.

He stared right back at her, smiling. He never saw it coming…

"I'm pregnant," the words spilled out of her mouth without another thought. She'd waited long _enough_. His smile was gone in a millisecond.

"Excuse me?" He stood up from the couch, his stomach raw.

"I'm pregnant," she breathed out loudly. It wasn't the way she wanted to tell him. She wanted to sit down with him and be sweet and gentle…but he'd forced this now. He'd _made_ her come out with it like this, considering the way he was acting. He needed to _understand_…now…

"Oh, I heard you the first time…" he frowned. "Elena…." She shook his head. Suddenly his frown turned into a bitter smile.

"_What_, Elijah?" She sighed. She knew what was coming…the disappointment. He'd say she fell off the rails again…

"Nothing," he paced back and forth a few times. His head could explode from shock.

"No, it's not _nothing_. There is no way in _hell_ you're not biting your tongue right now. What? Just go ahead and say it. I know you're dying to throw this in my face for some _unknown_ reason…"

"You're better than this," he spat. "How many times have I told you?"

"That was rude," she frowned. "It doesn't matter how many times you told me things because I didn't _listen_ half the time. I thought you told me not to _listen_ to anyone but myself!"

"Just how far along are you?" He closed his eyes, ignoring what she'd just said. His brain was spinning. He got it alright…he knew exactly whose baby this was…

"Elijah, this isn't what you think." She warned.

"Oh I know what it is," he laughed. "I told him not to hurt you. I told him I'd _kill_ him if he hurt you…look what he's done."

"You _what_?" She asked, shocked. "Is _that_ what you were arguing about in the back of the store last month? You were arguing about how he was treating me? _Threatening _him?"

"That man hasn't the slightest idea of what he's doing to you. You were _good_ , Elena. You were healthy and strong and brave. You were supposed to tell him _off_…"

"These are _my_ choices. All of _my_ choices have been my _own_. I let you believe for years that I didn't get that…but I did. That was _wrong_ of me. Yes, he _hurt_ me…but he didn't do that stuff to me. I did. You know that…it's just easier to blame him. I _know_…I did, too_…_"

"I don't want to know the details of _how_ you got pregnant. The point is, somewhere along the lines he got under your skin again and hurt you. He's selfish, Elena. Look what he's _done_…"

"Why are you so concerned about what's happening with him? Didn't you always tell me it was _my_ life? That I should take it by the horns and do with it as I pleased? Well I'm _doing_ that…"

"You're forgetting that I told you it was better to just stay away from him. Now that you own a business together that can't _happen_, I know, but you don't have to _love_ him…"

He was _yelling_ at her. Elijah was _not_ a yeller. He was calm, gentle. Even when he'd been at his angriest moments he'd never raised his voice to her. He was _crazy_ now…something _was_ wrong. It made _her_ yell. Her hormones were out of whack…sometimes she did and said things she wouldn't normally do simply because she was so heightened…

He had no right…he had _no_ right to tell her who she _couldn't _love….

"God, you know…you're just so full of shit right now," she didn't want to yell, but it just came out. "You _cannot_ be angry with me for this._ I'm_ not angry at me for this…" she paused. She felt a crazy need to protect what she had with Damon. She'd _never_ felt so angry with Elijah. She continued, "No, I _didn't_ mean to get pregnant, and _no_, this isn't an ideal time or situation…but I'm _happy_, Eli." She swallowed, wishing he'd just calm down and understand.

"He's going to hurt you, Elena. You're going to lose it….he'll leave you again…"

"And suddenly you're convinced that I'm completely different and don't remember a damn thing I learned from ten years of pain," she shook her head. "Elijah, you have supported me through _everything_ and now when I need my friend, you _don't_. Why? I get that you're mad at him, but this isn't any of your business unless I make it your business. You have no idea what is happening between Damon and me."

"He doesn't _get_ to have this," he was breaking down now. "After years of you telling me _he_ was the reason you were so depressed, so frail, _he's_ the one who does this to you and you aren't _mad_." It was coming out now…feelings he'd hidden even from himself… "He nearly killed you and you're acting like this is the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"I think it is," she said honestly.

"You fucked up, Elena. Face it." He was being rough now…but it was only because it was killing him. Not now…she couldn't be pregnant. He'd _never _have a chance now… "It's a mistake," his voice rose…he was about to snap.

"It's a _baby_…" she yelled and he fell silent. "It's _my_ baby and I love it. And you can just shut your mouth about how badly I screwed up. I'm no angel and you know that." Her voice broke. "Suddenly you're all about rubbing that in my face…"

"I'm sorry, I…" he realized he'd been a little too harsh, but the idea Elena being forever tied to Damon through a child terrified him. He was selfish, just then.

"You know, you were the first one to tell me to deal with my problems, but as soon as Damon stopped being a problem and became a part of my life again, you made a complete 180. You went from being supportive of everything I did to _this_. You're _scolding_ me like I'm a three year old who colored on the wall," she frowned. "You know, you're _all_ the _same_," she laughed.

"I am _not_ Damon," he bit out. He ran his hands through his hair. "I _never_ left you."

"But you're babying me just like he did. Weren't you the one telling me not to let a _man_ tell me what to do? Didn't you spend eight years telling me to make my own decisions and that I was fully capable of knowing what I want? Well this is what I want."

"Why? Why are you suddenly so _fine_ with this? He's like a disease, Elena. I thought you were healed but I guess you were just in remission because you're sick over him again."

"How low of you to go _there_…don't make cancer references to me…" she shook her head. "You know… I expected a bad reaction from you but not _this_. I thought you might roll your eyes and sigh and tell me you were disappointed in me. I didn't think you'd have a mental breakdown and make me feel like I ruined my life…" she breathed. "Seriously, what is the _matter_ with you? I have _never_ seen you act like this."

This was it. It was coming…heartache.

He features softened and he swallowed. He walked up to her and tucked a chunk of hair behind her ear. His hand went under her chin and he held it there. "He doesn't deserve you," he said softly.

"Elijah…" she said softly, her heart was shaking…afraid. What was he doing? Why was he looking at her like that?

He'd _never_ been selfish with her…but _now_…

"_I_ was the one to pick up the pieces, Elena. I held your hand for _years_, cleaning up that man's mess…" his thumb slid along her bottom lip. "But he _wins_, doesn't he? Because he's _Damon_…that man could do _anything_ and you'd go back to him… but not me. Not your buddy, Eli…"

"What're you…?" She started as his other hand went up tuck the other side of her hair behind her other ear. "Eli…" she frowned.

"These three months have been…lonely. I didn't even know what I had until you were gone. I had eight years to realize this, but it didn't happen until it was too late…I…" he moved his finger slowly and replaced it with his lips, pressing sweetly on hers. It only took a second to process before she pulled away.

"I'm…I don't…" she frowned again. "Eli, no…stop it…"

"I'm in love with you," he swallowed. "I can't even pinpoint when it happened…but I'm not wrong. You're _everything_…"

"This is crazy! This is…"she huffed. He moved in to kiss her again but she shook her head and walked across the room, away from him.

"Ever since I got home from Mystic Falls I've been _sick_ about you. Missing you for months and then seeing you again…it fixed me. I didn't know why I was so sad. When we were together in that little town of yours I felt _better_, but as soon as I left you again…I was sad again. I was left with a hole."

"No, that's not love…you're jealous," her face was in a permanent frown now. He was speaking nonsense. This was coming out of _nowhere_, she thought. This trip was supposed to be about her standing her ground and telling her friend about her new journey in life. He'd _never_ understand her now… "You're panicking because I'm gone. You're just confused. You don't love me…you're_ afraid_ for me…and now with _this_…" she touched her stomach. "It makes it too real for you, doesn't it?"

How could she tell him she was in love with Damon when he'd just admitted being in love with her?

"I was jealous, yes…," he swallowed. "But I _do_ love you, Elena…"

"But you had the chance to tell me. I asked you if you were upset about Damon and you just threw me the usual disapproving glances about him…I didn't know you were harboring this…I would've been…"

"So it would've made a difference then? You'd want me if I'd told you then? Elena, I didn't even know it _myself_…"

"No," she swallowed. She was hurting him now, she knew. "I suppose it wouldn't have made a difference. I'm just trying to understand what happened. One minute you were _fine _and now you're _not_."

"I know! It sounds ridiculous…" he sighed. "And I'm telling you this at the worst time possible…I suppose this makes me look like I'm saying this to screw with you…to make you feel badly about the baby and Damon and convince you to come home or something…"

"Stop, please," she begged. "Don't…look, I _believe_ you. I don't think you're doing this to be mean. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. That's not who _you_ are," she smile sadly. "But I'm only going to hurt _you_ if you keep this up…"

"Why can Damon just leave you for ten years and you're suddenly back in his arms like nothing happened, but the minute I show anything more than friendship toward you act like I'm _crazy?_" he heaved.

"You're not _crazy_," she didn't want to hurt his feelings but he couldn't go on thinking this was going to happen. It _wasn't_. "But you're putting me in an awful situation here."

"Yes, it's so awful that someone who knows _this_ version of you, who has been there for you while you _grew_ and supported you, admits to feelings."

"I'm honored, really but…" it was the wrong thing to say, but she couldn't think of anything else. No man wanted to hear _that_…

"That's _not_ what I want to hear. You may as well have just said 'thank you.'_" _He spat.

"You've got it all wrong. Any woman would be _lucky_ to have you tell them you love them…but I don't feel that way about you…" she said sadly. "I'm sorry. You're a _brother_ to me…my best friend…"

"If you'd just _try_…" he pled. This felt so familiar…begging to be loved. She'd put _Damon_ in this position ten years ago…but now she understood. It's not _easy_ to break someone's heart when they're on their knees for you. It wasn't exactly the same, of course. Damon _had_ loved her and told her they couldn't be together. But the similarity existed enough for her to see it from this other side…and it felt _horrible_…

"I'm in love with Damon," she said honestly, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I know it's the last thing you want to hear right now…I know it hurts," she paused, "But I'm being _honest_. I'm not going to let you tell me all of this and pretend like I'll think about it because I won't. It sounds mean…"

"I should've known," he laughed. "Actually, I think I _did_ know. That's why I kept it at bay for so long. I couldn't _let_ myself be in love with you because you were never _really_ available. You were always with him…even when you claimed to hate him you still loved him. I'm a stupid fool who thought something might work out for me once. Nice guys always finish last, right?"

"No, you're _not _a fool, Elijah. I _love_ you, just not the way you need me to. I want you to be happy…find someone who can love you like you deserve to be loved."

"Haven't you noticed, Elena? I don't exactly _date_. My profession attracts women for a few minutes, but as soon as they realize I could _die_ every time I leave for work, it kills the whole happily ever after thing," he yelled. "But you never made me feel that way. I didn't realize it…but I think I was living a lie this whole time. I think somewhere in my head you were _mine_…"

"Don't…" she stopped him. "Please don't drag this on any longer. I love that you can be honest with me, and I appreciate you telling me your feelings…but my answer's the same. I have to be honest with _you_. It's like I said; I love Damon. It's not because he got me pregnant and it's not because he's all I know…I really love him, _this_ version of me loves _this_ version of him…"

Her words were too sweet about a man who wasn't Elijah...but she'd used this moment to admit her feelings out loud….

"So you're just all warm and fuzzy and that's it then? You're just able to forget everything and move on as if you just met." He stated. He was all about assumptions in that moment. Nothing was a question…she was out of the _question_…

"Of course not," she shook her head. "We have problems. We're together…but not _together_. I'm taking things slowly, I…I don't feel like I can talk to you about this anymore. Not after what you said."

"See…I've ruined it," he panicked. "Now you're afraid to talk to me. _This_ is why my head wouldn't let me know what I felt for you. Deep down I always knew it'd be nothing but heartache."

"Hey…" she reached out her hand to touch his.

"Don't," he snapped it away. He was _hurt_, angry. He knew he had no right. Of _course_ she was in love with Damon…of _course_ she was having his baby…

"Right now, it feels like the eight years we spent together were for nothing," he frowned. He was saying things he didn't' mean. His cell phone rang and he silenced it for a moment.

"What? How? You can't be my friend now? This doesn't make any sense! Don't you remember what we had? We were _great_ together. Great friends, sounding boards…we were everything to each other. Just because I'm not in love with you…" her words were interrupted.

His phone rang again.

"I thought it was enough, but I guess I was wrong. You have to give me time, Elena. I just ripped my soul out and handed it to you and you shot me down…I'm not gone forever…just for now…I just a few minutes…"

Ring, ring.

"Jesus, Elijah…answer your phone. You're on _call…"_

"I don't _care_…" he bit out. He was _not_ irresponsible…Not _ever._ He was the poster boy for his job. He was the go-to guy. It was then she realized just how hard she'd stomped on his heart. He was risking someone getting hurt just to argue with _her_….

"That's your _job_. You have to go. This argument can wait. In fact, it doesn't even need to happen because there's nothing to fight about. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but if you can be honest with me, the least I can do is tell you the truth, too."

Ring, Ring. Elijah sighed and picked up his phone.

"Officer Parks," he snapped. "Yes, I'm leaving now." He went to his room, throwing on his uniform and strapping on his bullet proof vest.

"Please don't be angry," she pled. "Don't leave angry."

"I have to _go_, please move out of my way." He slid past her.

"ELIJAH!" She yelled as he opened the door. "Don't be reckless," she called out. "Focus on your work. You're not in your right mind. You need to be calm, keep me out of your head…"

"Like _that's_ going to happen," he snapped. This was so _unlike_ him, and she hated it. He wasn't even listening to what she was saying. He was just angry and imagining things that didn't exist…he was being like _she_ had been with Damon ten years ago. Nothing she could do or say in that moment would've convinced him…she _got_ that. She knew exactly how it was to feel unwanted.

"Be _careful_, Elijah…" she widened her eyes. "I'll be here waiting for you when you get home." She threw in her words of support, smiled sweetly, encouragingly. She had to…there was nothing else…

"Like you care," he bit out, slamming the door behind him. She looked out the window to see him running through the doors and wondered what had become of them…

Elena squeezed her eyes shut tightly and let herself plop down on the couch. She put her feet up on the coffee table like old times and pulled her phone out of her purse.

The sound of Damon's voice calmed her shaking heart. "Hey," she smiled sadly.

"Hey you," he smiled and she could hear it though the phone. His voice lifted a 's Elijah? Is he his usual _dreamy _self?" He teased, trying to push away his concerns that she hadn't called him when she'd landed. He wasn't jealous; he'd just been worried something had happened to her.

"I'm here…I'm…things are a mess right now, but I'm okay."

"A mess already?" He blew out air.

"Something _happened_…." She frowned. She didn't want to tell him this over the phone…

"Should I be worried about you right now? I know I'm not supposed to ask that, but…" She was being _vague_ and it was hard for him to hold in the fact that he needed more from her…but he knew better.

"No, I promise, everything is going to be _fine_. There's a lot to it, and I need to share it with you…it's moments like this I wish I hadn't left…"

"Ms. Dimples misses you already," he teased.

"I miss her, too, of course. But the way things are looking, I wouldn't be surprised if you two saw my smiling face by tomorrow…"

"You just sound…I don't know…" he sighed. "I guess I just wish I could cheer you up."

"You _are_. The first thing I wanted to do when I fell apart was call you…not to cry to you or complain…just to _hear_ you," she admitted. He silently smiled, taking it all in. She continued, "This is so ridiculous. This trip was supposed to _help_, but instead it's gotten worse. So much worse…I just want to come home," All she really wanted to do was curl up on the couch with him and watch movies and relax. "But he had to leave for an emergency at work and I promised him I'd be here when he got home."

"You know I'd come out there if you wanted or needed…" he trailed off.

"I know," she smiled. "But the bookstore…and," she paused. "And considering what happened, I'm sure that would only make the situation worse. I'm going to change my flight. When Elijah gets home tonight I'm going to talk to him, but I can't stay here. I'll either get a hotel or come home. This was…this isn't how this is supposed to be…"

"Do what you need to. Ms. Dimples and I are fine if you change your mind and decide to stay. You know, we took a nap earlier and she likes sleeping by me. You might have lost a sleeping partner. I think she's going to sneak in my bag when I leave and come home with me."

"I'll never be able to say thank you enough for everything," she smiled. "You're earning some serious points right now," she smiled. "I won't forget this."

"Can I redeem them all at once or do I have to stagger them?" He teased.

"Good_bye_, Damon," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "I'll call you if I need you."

"Call me later…if you want," he missed her already. "Ms. Dimples would like to say goodnight."

"Sure, I'll make sure _Ms. Dimples_ gets what she wants," she knew what he was doing. He was using her _cat_ to say his emotions, just as he had earlier when he said her cat needed a kiss goodbye. It was cute and silly…but she could see right through it…and she _loved_ it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Some of you saw this coming, but others didn't, I think. I'm interested to hear what you think about the new changes in their relationship, and about the small progress between D and E. **

**Next chapter we'll see more Elijah…. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: This whole being on vacation thing is great! I've got stuff going for the next few days so I needed to get this one done and up because it's kind of one you can hang on for a while. It's a taste of everything and a good place to rest until the next update. There may still be some unease (you'll see what I mean) but I hope over all you'll be okay with the end of the chapter.**

**Thanks to my reviewers! Wish I could hear from more of you Reviews are like food to the fanfic writer's soul, really.**

**It's considerably shorter than the last few, but it's the perfect length for what it is, I think. Any more would've taken it too far and I'm saving some for next chapter!**

**It's another roller coaster…**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know <strong>

**Chapter 18**

"Put it down, NOW! Drop the gun…." Elijah screamed, pointing his gun at a thin man who stood with two nearly dead women at his feet. This wasn't the first time he'd seen something like this, and it wouldn't be the last, he knew. He was the calm officer, the one who kept his head clear and straight at all times; a mentor to the rookies. But his head was clouded now with resentment and regret and images of a woman he couldn't have.

He walked closer now. "Weapon DOWN!" The man smiled wickedly and shifted his gun's aim from members of the crowd on the street to Elijah. Why wasn't this man dead by now? Why hadn't they just shot him?

The man's madness angered Elijah. He was angry on a deeper level, one that prevented him from staying smart about his job…

"You think it's funny to hurt people?" Elijah yelled as the man walked closer to him. He was provoking him, making it worse.

He should've been honest and said he wasn't stable enough, but duty had to come first. It always had…except when Elena was concerned. He'd bent the rules for her years ago, time and time again, and he'd lose his calm and cool over her now…

He'd arrived five minutes after the first shootings and shoved himself to the front lines, going against orders to stay back. It took a lot to make him be irresponsible.

"Okay, officer, that's enough," his partner Zach warned. "Back up!" The shooter moved the gun down and shot toward Elijah's feet. He moved away but smiled up at the man, shaking his head.

"Oh, so you want to hurt an officer now, too?" he was only six feet away now, staring the man right in the eyes. Elijah felt careless and reckless…everything Elena had told him not to be. His frustration was making him unprofessional and stupid. "You want to make a name for yourself?"

He wasn't afraid. He was wild, crazy. All he could see was Elena standing before him, telling her she was pregnant, explaining that he could never love her. He'd yelled at her….he _never_ yelled at her… his head was still spinning…

"That's ENOUGH, Parks!" Zach yelled. "Shut your goddamn mouth and back the hell up! He's hostile. Push him too far and more people are going to _die_…like YOU!"

Elijah stepped to the side, all the while pointing his gun at the man. He shifted him away from the two victims so they were able to be tended to by paramedics. "You're _sick_, you know that? What, did you just wake up and decide today's the day to shoot people? "

He knew better. It was never a good strategy to talk to the guy. Take him down…don't piss him off…

"Don't agitate him more, officer!" they warned, but Elijah just kept on pressing. The man fired a shot into the crowd again, this time missing. "Focus, Elijah!"

"The only one who deserves to die is _you_," he walked right up to him now.

"STAND DOWN, OFFICER PARKS!"

"No…" Elijah smiled wickedly. "This fucker is mine."

"I said STAND DOWN! That's an order!" a voice shouted on a megaphone.

But he wouldn't... He'd been upset with Elena for being careless and stupid because of a _man_…but now here he was, throwing himself to dogs for the same reasons…

He breathed into the man's face. The gun was pointing right at Elijah's chest.

"You shoot me and you're as good as dead, too. In fact, there should be about ten officers shooting at you right now because of what you're doing…" he nearly spit in the shooter's face.

Elijah felt his shoulder being yanked backward and sets of arms wrapping around his torso, pulling him away from the man. Someone was brave; someone had gone in to save him when he hadn't wanted to save himself.

"I'm doing my duty as an officer!" Elijah flailed to get away from the others. "Get your hands off me. I'll take him down. Why hasn't anyone shot him yet? He should be dead five times over by now!"

"You're acting out of command and you're about to be asked to turn in your badge…" his Sargent warned. "Where's your head at?" He quickly turned away from the shooter as officers continued to work to clear the crowd and isolate the man. "You're endangering these people and yourself, officer."

He needed to be removed from the situation before anything happened. He wasn't ready to be there. He wasn't stable enough…not that day.

"Shoot him! Shoot him! He's going to…." Elijah yelled, getting away from the other officers. His finger was two seconds from pulling that trigger when someone pushed him to the ground. It was a blur. In second, a man was stepping on his wrist and his gun was kicked away.

The officers couldn't get there in time…they'd rushed but hadn't made it…

Elijah smiled angrily and opened his mouth to speak when he felt it… a surge of pain through his neck…then blackness…then nothing…

He fell to the ground in an instant and the shooter was taken down just as quickly. In a flash, fifty bullets flew into the man's body and he was gone….

But not before he'd shot Elijah. Now the messes of a man lie bloody on a stretcher in an ambulance….

* * *

><p>Elena clicked on the television, scrolling through her contact list on her phone. Her name fell on Katherine Pierce and she stared for a moment. Crazy, she knew, that she'd bothered to search her number out and save it to her phone. Why on <em>earth<em> would she ever want to talk to the ex-fiancé of the man she loved? The two interactions they had were enough on a personal level, but Katherine had something she needed. She was the illustrator of The Little Red Dragon, yes, but she'd done far more than that, Elena learned. In the time since their breakup, Katherine had worked on two other children's books and had an exhibit in the Museum of Modern Art in New York. She'd left Mystic Falls quickly and she'd apparently channeled her aggression into her work. People _knew_ her….she was loved.

She was probably the last person she wanted to ask for help, and most definitely the last person Damon wanted to see, but if she could help save their business…

Her train of thought was brought to an immediate stop as the news broke into the channel she was watching.

"**WE ARE LIVE ON TIMES SQUARE WHERE TWO HAVE DIED AND FOUR REMAIN INJURED AFTER A MAN OPENED FIRE INTO A CROWD. IT HAS BEEN CONFIMRED THAT AT LEAST ONE MEMBER OF THE NYPD HAS SUSTAINED A GUNSHOT WOUND…"**

Elena's heart stopped. Of course they wouldn't say the name of the officer right away. They never released that information until the family had been informed. But her gut instinct told her; Elijah had left to go to _that_ emergency. She'd fought with him, hurt his feelings…he'd left angry. But it wasn't her fault, she knew. He chose to act that way…if he was irresponsible, she couldn't blame herself…she _shouldn't_ blame herself….

Her mouth was dry and her heart was sick. She was panicking and she didn't even know….

She pulled on her coat and pressed her finger into the dial button on her phone. It rang once, twice, three times…

"Hey Lena," he smiled, happy she'd called. He expected to hear her beautiful voice and feel happy, but instead it was a punch to the gut.

"Damon…" her voice shook. "Something's….Elijah…I think…" she was almost hyperventilating. "A shooting…and…a cop got shot and…"

"Oh my God…you sound shaky, are you sitting down?" he rushed out the words.

"Sitting down? Are you crazy? I have to go! I need to go to that police station. I need to find out for myself, Damon! I need to find out what hospital…you don't know what happened before he left…"

"Elijah's a great officer, right? I'm sure he's fine…he's smart…"

"Accidents happen every day…and he wasn't good when he left here. Like I said, it was messy. he was angry…who knows what he did…."

"But we aren't sure about anything. We don't know that it was him! There are hundreds and hundreds of people it could be. The odds of it being him…"

"Damon, I just _know_… I just have this feeling…" her voice broke.

"I don't like this," he sighed. "Elena, I'm really trying here…I'm trying to let you do what you want and bite my tongue but you don't sound good right now and I can't sit here and pretend not to care."

"I need to find him. They didn't say where the officer was shot or how bad it is. Damon, he could be dead. You can't honestly think I'm going to sit here and wait for him to come home!"

"Of course I know you won't," he said sadly. "But I'm asking you to take it easy. The thought of you running around all crazy out there with shaky nerves…well, it just doesn't seem good for you or the baby. And I'm so far away…"

"The bookstore," she shook her head, standing on the curb waiting to hail a taxi. "You have to be there for the store, Damon. I'd ask you to come but,"

"Like I said, you come first. I can find someone to watch it…or I'll close it okay?"

"No, our sales…"

"Our _baby_…" he said simply. "And you…I'm too worried. I'm sorry. I know you don't want me to be. I'm sure you're probably angry right now that I'm saying this, but I'm saying it. I know you can stand on your own just fine…"

"You're right, I can stand on my own," she opened the cab door and slid in, "But I don't want to. I'm worried about the business but I want you here with me," she admitted. "I'm scared, I…need you."

"I'm booking a ticket online right now. Can you wait for me? Can you just wait to do all that until I get there?" It was a request, not an angry demand.

"No," she shook her head. "Call me when you get here and we'll meet up."

* * *

><p>But when Elena pulled up to his station they would give her no answers inside.<p>

"Is it him, Joe?" She sighed. She'd been to his station tons of times. She knew the other officers and they knew her. And while they weren't allowed to say anything to her, the look on their faces spoke volumes. Her fears were slowly growing. "Where is he?" She screamed. "Is it him? Is it?"

"Miss Gilbert…"

"Don't 'Miss Gilbert' me, Joe. IS IT HIM?" she was nearly hysterical now. "You know me…you know you can tell me…"

"You aren't family…." He glanced around at the other officers.

"Well you're basically telling me by _not_ telling me," She yelled. He stood up and started leading her out of the station. "If he was fine you'd have told me right away…but the fact that you're not saying anything is making it worse. Just TELL me!"

When she was outside, Joe pressed the door to the station closed tightly and whispered in her ear. "He's at the Presbyterian…but you didn't hear it from me…"

She threw her arms around him…the man who'd delivered her community service plan to her eight years ago. She'd grown to know him over the years, enough to simply see him as a good friend of Elijah, a mentor. "Thank you, Joe."

"Elena, its bad…" he warned. "Just…be ready, okay"

"Ready for what?" She frowned, pulling away from his hug. She swallowed and her tears started pouring down again. "Ready for _what_…?"

"Just say a prayer," he pressed his lips tightly together and frowned.

"That's all you've got for me? Say a prayer? Joe…." She bit her lip and pled. He knew Elena. She wasn't just a civilian. He knew she'd been a part of his good friend's life for years…a vital part. He knew she'd left New York. But he saw a picture of Elena framed on his desk. He didn't know she was the reason for Elijah's stupidity that day….

He sighed. "Only for _you_, Gilbert," he blew out a mouthful of air. "Get in," he opened the door to the police car. She smiled and he flipped on the lights and sirens, sending them through the busy streets…

* * *

><p>Damon pulled his phone out as he ran through the airport. It rang once, twice, three times…voicemail. Again. Once, twice, three times, voicemail…<p>

"Shit…" he sighed. How was he ever going to get ahold of her? He'd flown in as soon as he could and now he had no idea where to find her. His brain was swamped with crazy ideas about why she wasn't answering. Maybe she had to have her phone turned off in the hospital…maybe it was too loud where she was and she couldn't hear it….or maybe she _couldn't_ answer…

He pulled up a list of hospitals and started dialing, asking to speak to Elena Gilbert. He knew they wouldn't tell him if she was there unless he asked for her room…

His heart was pounding…the minute he'd let her go something had happened. Worrying about her, and not knowing was almost as bad as when he'd found her on the ground that day. At least he could hold her then. But it was different now; he had two people to worry about. That little baby inside of her was strong he was sure, but maybe not strong enough to deal with this…

He dialed her phone again, knowing he'd only hear her sweet voice in a message. But he was surprised when it clicked on this time…

"Elena, oh my God…are you there?" A rush of blood shot into his head when he only heard sobs. His breathing turned wild, an ache hung in his lungs as he struggled to even it out. If he breathed this hard, he was sure to pass out. The world was already turning spotty…

He plugged his ear as, struggling to hear among the honking on the street. "Elena…"

"It was him…" she struggled out. "It was Elijah, Damon…just like I knew it was…"

"Where are you? Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm at the Presbyterian...they won't tell me much. I just got here and he's in surgery…I haven't seen him…" she explained sadly.

"I'm here in the city," he said loudly. "I'm on my way…just…calm down…"

"How can I?" She sobbed. "How can I stay calm when I know I'm part of the reason he's here?"

"Shhhhh…I don't know what that means, but I'm sure you're not…" he sighed. "Listen, you can tell me all about it when I get there, okay? If he gets out of surgery…wait for me before you…"

Everything in her head told her to yell at Damon, to tell him not to boss her around…but she didn't _want_ to. Not anymore. She needed to stop the whole being independent in every situation thing. She wanted him, didn't she? She needed him…so why be so rough all the time? She should appreciate his concern…

"Okay…." She said slowly.

* * *

><p>Elena had gotten to the hospital with Joe quickly. She'd wondered why he'd been at the station when one of his men, his good friend, was in surgery…but the answer was simple. He still had work to do. He would stand by his friend through everything, but he had things to wrap up at the station before he could come and face the personal side of things. He was part of the NYPD first and foremost.<p>

"Elijah Parks," she said at the counter once Joe had dropped her off. "Officer Parks, I need to see him," she shouted at the front desk of the emergency room. "He was just brought in."

"I can't release any of that information to you unless you are family. Are you?"

"No…." she frowned. "But I'm…"

The woman at the desk sighed. She could get in trouble for saying anything, she was sure…

"He's in surgery…have a seat." She said seriously and watched Elena trot over to the cold, hard seats. She'd wait there until Damon came. She'd tell herself the world wasn't about to end…

The minute his hand pressed into the glass of the doors to the emergency room, his eyes were on her. She sat small and broken, her head in her hands. Her cheeks were red and tear-stained. She was drained, but she was okay…

He fell to his knees in front of her, pulling her wrists away from her face and holding her hands tightly in his. They were slippery, soaked with tears. Her watery eyes found his easily, but he was blurred. The feeling of his presence only made her cry more. But these were tears of comfort and of love. He was there, not for Elijah, not for anyone but _her_…

"Damon," she sobbed and threw her arms around his neck. It hadn't even been 24 hours since she'd seen him, but it felt like forever. "I'm so glad you're here."

"There's nowhere I'd rather be than here," he hugged her. "I was worried about you. When you didn't answer, I had all these crazy ideas…I thought maybe the baby…" his eyes were watering now, so relieved she was in his arms and not in a hospital bed.

She shook her head. "Everything's fine with me," she nodded. "I remembered what you said…I'm trying to stay calm, but it's so hard…"

"I know," he sighed. "When you were in the hospital, I nearly died waiting to hear what was wrong. I've never been so scared," she moved her arms away from his shoulders and he let his head fall into her lap. "And on the phone…when I heard the fear in your voice, I thought…I can't lose you" he looked up into her eyes again, "I'd do anything to keep you forever…"

Her heart was pounding. She needed to say it…she needed to tell him he _would_ keep her forever… but she couldn't get those words out…not without an interruption…

"Elena…" A familiar, rough voice spoke behind Damon now. Her hands had been in Damon's hair…she'd been focused on _that…_but she looked up reluctantly now. It was just her luck that the man who'd helped corrupt her was also the father of her best friend.

"Michael," she cleared her throat and frowned. He looked just the same as the last time she'd seen him behind the counter of her bar…crazy, twisted… "It's been awhile." Damon moved and stood up as Elena did.

"You look lovely, dear," he scanned her up and down. "Beautiful with clothes on, as well." She was holding Damon's hand and she felt it tighten at Michael's words. This was _her_ battle, he knew. He should not say a word…she was strong. But he'd hold her hand; he' support her without having to step in.

"Shut your mouth. I am _not_ interested in talking to you unless you're going to tell me what is going on with your son," she bit out. "Trust me. You're the last person I want to depend on."

"Oh yes, you do have my Elijah wrapped around your little finger, dear. You always have," he smiled. "But I told him long ago that you weren't the settling down type," his eyes shifted to Damon and his eyebrows rose with cockiness. Damon's lips pressed together, his eyes burned with anger. "I told him that long before he really even knew you…before you'd gotten yourself into that heap of trouble in the parking lot…"

The words were bouncing in her head. She knew Elijah had seen her before her community service, but she'd never really thought he'd given her much thought…

"But he has a stupid heart, that boy. He doesn't listen to a damn warning I give him,"

"With good reason," she frowned. "You're not exactly a good role model, Michael. Now stop doting on it and tell me what you know."

"I know what you know. He's in surgery," he swallowed. "He was shot in the neck."

"The _neck?"_ She nearly doubled over from the shock. Damon's hands flew out to steady her. "Oh my God…that's…"

"Hey…" he furrowed his brows. "Hey…honey…"

"Aren't you sweet," Michael said with a fake puppy dog smile. "Little Elena has such a fan club, doesn't she? You always were my best girl…" he smiled sarcastically.

"Okay that's enough, Michael," he said angrily. "If you're just going to be rude to her we can wait it out and find out the information on our own. She cares about your son...an emotion I hear isn't something you know much about..." he paused. "You should consider her feelings here, if you know she means something to that son. Hell, she's in worse shape than you are and you're his father. You may not have the best relationship with him, from what I'm told, but you're here. So is she…" Elena was shaking in his arms now as he helped her sit down in a chair.

Michael sighed. Damon had a point. "They don't know anything yet," he explained, seeing her concern. "I got the call right away and they said they think it missed a main artery…"

"So his chances?" Elena gasped. "What are his chances?"

"Don't know numbers or chances or anything like that…just know they haven't ruled anything out. It's going to be awhile, Elena. These surgeries are intense. The slightest thing goes wrong and it's over..."

"I know that," she frowned.

"His spinal cord, anything…if he lives, he may be a vegetable. He may be paralyzed…."

"Don't you think I _know_ that? Don't you think I've gone through every possible scenario in my head?"

"I'm simply saying, Elena, dear. "I hope you said what you wanted to the last time you saw him. That Elijah may never be back. If he is, he may never remember…" He sighed. "I'll let you two be. Maybe it's best if you take her out of here…"

"Now you're the hero?" Damon shook his head. "I'll her out of here if she'll let me, but not because you said so. You may be his father but you'll never understand their relationship." He was fighting for her…defending a man who'd been the source of jealousy since she'd come back to him. And he'd do it again, because Elena _loved_ Elijah, he knew. She loved him like a brother. And since he loved Elena and wanted a future with her, maybe he needed to open his eyes and see him that way, too….

Maybe all the hurt and resentment didn't have to exist. If Elijah was so important to her then he'd put it aside. He'd beat it, all of it, because in the end he knew. Elena would be _his_. It was just a matter of time. No person, no force could stop it…

"Here's my number. I expect a phone call when Elijah is in recovery. Don't be a dick. It's what your son would want," Damon handed him a piece of paper.

"Come on," Damon sat down next to her. "I think we should get out of here for a while. He's right, the surgery and everything is going to take a while. He's already been in surgery for 3 hours, right? Why don't we get something to eat or just go somewhere? We can come back in a little while. He'll be in recovery for hours…."

She nodded. He was surprised that she gave in so easily. He thought she'd fight and say she couldn't leave him. But Damon was there for her…she wanted to be with him, just him. Away from the sterile scent of the hospital and the tears of people she didn't even know. She needed to tell him what happened with Elijah before he'd left for the emergency.

"Where can we go? Where can we go that's quiet?" He whispered.

"You're right. I don't want to be here…I thought I did, but I'm not ready. Everything Michael said about how he might never be the same…"

"You name the place and I'll take you there. Anywhere," he stroked her cheek.

"There's a little bridge in Central Park," she swallowed. "I used to go there all the time when I lived here. I'd go there to be alone after I'd been with a guy and it hadn't gone well…" she looked into is eyes. "Under the bridge…there's this little place you can sit. Hardly anyone goes there…and at this time of day. It's dark…peaceful, away…"

He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"The minute they know something we'll come back, okay?" He stroked her hair. "I promise."

* * *

><p>They were under that little bridge half an hour later. The cement was damp and cold, but their backs were pressed against it, holding up their tired bodies. He was disturbed that she'd found comfort in such a damp and dreary place back then instead of in his arms…. But he was here now with her, as he always should've been…<p>

"I found this place accidentally, the first time," her voice shook. "I woke up on a park bench. My dress was ripped and my heels were broken. The world was blurry and twisted when I stood up…I didn't understand where I was. I stumbled under here and pressed against the cold cement and it shook me back to life. It sobered me. I didn't know what was wrong with me…but then I realized I'd been drugged…I might have been raped…I still don't know, Damon. I was so messed up…"

Damon slammed his head back on the wall and looked up at the dripping water falling on their legs. He was angry with himself for a moment. He hated hearing what had happened to her so long ago. "Then how can this comfort you?"

"Because when I woke up, sobered up under this bridge, I realized I couldn't let myself get there again. This place was a symbol. I could've died here…maybe no one would've found me…but I didn't. It was one of the first times I realized I was worth something. Then I got in trouble with the police for all that shit and met Elijah and…"

"Tell me what I can do. What can I _do_ to help you?" he frowned. "I've lost so much time…"

"Just be with me," she squeezed his hand. She heard bird flying under that dark, shadowed bridge. Their wings flapped loudly.

"You know I always will be," he whispered, catching her eyes. They held everything she needed. She'd never imagined she'd be under this bridge with him. Not when he'd been the reason she'd sunk to that level. "If you'll let me, I'll never let you go again. You'll never feel like that again."

She was melting. Her defenses were breaking and she didn't care. There was no point in fighting the feeling. She loved him. She'd said it to her mom, to Elijah, to herself…Ms. Dimples… but she'd never said it to him. There was so much _pain_ in the world. Why should she let herself hurt anymore when there was no point? Keeping it from him wasn't doing anything but hurting…

But before she'd do it, before she'd kiss him, she needed him to know the truth. Not just that she loved him. Not just that she wanted him forever, too. Right now, those seemed like the easiest things to admit. She needed to tell him about Elijah…

"I need to tell you something," she whispered, squeezing his hand again. She stared directly into his eyes. She'd be fearless now, strong. She could be, because she was so much stronger than before. She knew he didn't pity her; he just _loved_ her.

"Anything," he traced the outline of her face with his index finger gently. He needed to hear anything she had to say…

"Elijah kissed me," her eyes were watery, filled with worry. She saw his eyebrows twitch in hurt for a minute, but he bounced back quickly. He didn't move his mouth to say a word. He let her say everything she needed to without judging.

"He kissed me before he left for the shooting," she closed her eyes for a minute and a few tears fell down her cheeks. "I told him I was pregnant. He flipped out on me," she shook her head. "I've never seen him so angry. He actually _yelled_," she paused for effect. "You know he never yells."

He was just happy she was still talking….

"After he told me how badly I screwed up my life and basically called me out for still wanting you," she was explaining the way she felt without actually _saying_ it, he knew. "Out of the blue he decided to tell me he's in love with me," she cried. "He told me he doesn't know when it happened, but he was sure of it. I was completely shocked."

"I'm not surprised," he said sweetly. She wasn't sure how to read his response, but he didn't seem angry or sarcastic, she noticed.

"He kissed me and he told me he loved me and I pushed him away…that's when he snapped, Damon. He completely lost it." She sighed. "He left in a hurry. He got called in and he ran out on me as if I was the worst person on earth. He wasn't in the right state of mind. He wasn't himself…he probably did something stupid, and now…."

"This isn't your fault," he shook his head. "Don't you even_ think_ that for a second."

"I know," she nodded, "But it hurt to be the one to make him feel that way…"

He understood what she meant.

She knew he must've felt terrible the night he broke up with her and all the nights he pushed her away….but she'd just been so unresponsive back then.

She continued, shakily, "He started spewing out the nastiest things, like he was trying to guilt me into loving him back. But I _don't_…I can't_…_" she shook her head and looked at his lips quickly before catching him staring at her again. "I understand now how you must've felt when I acted out on you ten years ago, Damon….Nothing you could've said would've gotten through to me…I was stupid…"

He smiled sadly and tipped her chin upward. He slowly shook his head no and said, "Not even another thought about that."

"Are you angry with me for what happened with Elijah?" She breathed. She easily could've just said _why_ she couldn't love Elijah, but her head was buried in worry about his reaction to the kiss.

"Of course I'm not," he frowned. "Why would I be angry at _you_ for something he did?"

"Well, because I thought you…I mean we're…" she swallowed. Forming a sentence about this particular topic was harder than he'd thought. "You love me…" her voice shook. She was nervous to ask him, but she wanted to hear it. "Right?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I love you," he whispered, stroking her cheek with the backs of his fingers. He said it simply, carefully. He knew she didn't want to be babied, but he wouldn't be the one to push it too far, not that night.

"I have hurt you so much, I've been so ridiculous toward you about the silliest little things in life. I see that now." she exhaled. "But somehow you still forgave me and you love me. I don't even deserve that," she brought her fingers up to hand on her face and held them to her.

"Love isn't about worthiness, Lena," he held her hand in his and folded their fingers together. He was on his knees now, on that damp pavement, giving his soul to her in the most gentle of ways. "But if it was, you'd deserve it. I'm just a _man_, Elena," he pled. "Every time we touch on this topic you always sound so small and insecure,"

She nodded, listening.

"But, baby…" he smiled. "Look at us," he led his hand down to the wet ground, lifting tiny pebbles below them and letting them fall to the ground. "Look where we are right now. We're together. The idea that you aren't good of me is ridculous. I'm _just_ a man, honey. If you weren't _good_ enough for me, I wouldn't be here…on this dirty ground, ready to burst with love for you. If I really thought you were all the terrible things you imagine in your head, I wouldn't _love_ you… you make yourself out to be this monster…but I don't see it. You have _nothing_ to be insecure about…"

No one had done this. Nowhere in any story, in any movie or any book, had two people been like _this_. It wasn't a typical spot to declare everything. It wasn't filled with roses or candles or a big, beautiful bed. It was raw and rough. It was _scary_, when you knew this place's backstory….

But there had never been a more beautiful place than under that leaky bridge. No better place than that bridge to symbolize what her demons used to be. In that symbolic way, he'd followed her to her darkest places. He'd held her hand and cried with her. He wasn't anything like the man she'd thought she'd hated.

How the _hell_ could she hate the idea of love now?

"I'm not angry with you for _anything_ that's happened, especially not for Elijah kissing you. People feel ways they don't want to feel sometimes….people fight off doing the right thing every day because it's easier. Maybe he'd been fighting it without knowing it. He didn't want to lose you. I get that. I know what it's like to love you and have to keep my mouth shut because I thought it was better that way." He sighed. "But now I can't anymore…I don't want to, Lena. I _need_ you…"

"Okay," she nodded, smiling sweetly through her tears. The simple word had given him a new hope. There they were, in a heap of a mess, waiting for her dear friend to recover or _die_…and her heart was fluttering with hope. It was crazy…

"Okay?" He smiled, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip. She hadn't said it back, but she'd let him say it. She'd welcomed it. "You'll let me love you?" He pressed his forehead against hers.

Life was too short, she knew, to wait for anything. Thinking of the future Elijah may never have scared her. She'd been so careless with herself for so long. She'd said she didn't care if she died. But now a little life was growing in her and the future was bright. Damon loved her, really loved _this_ version of her.

Who was she to pretend that it didn't mean the world to her?

But her confession of love couldn't come under that dirty bridge. She loved that place even more now that Damon had shared it with her, but she needed to tell him everything when they could really talk. She didn't have the time to breakdown every single piece of why she loved him or what she wanted. She would tell him, she would show him…but not while her friend was bleeding in a hospital. She wanted that moment to be _clear_ in her head. She needed to share those moments with Damon when all she could think about was him and them and their love….when _nothing_ else had to matter.

So she didn't say those words just then, but his heart didn't break. She raised herself up on her knees and put her hand up to the side of his neck, bringing him closer. She released hot, jagged breathes against him slowly. His lips parted in time for hers to press into them. She kissed him sweetly, each movement full of love. Her lips told him everything she hadn't been able to put into words, and he _got_ it.

She loved him…

The night they'd fought in the bookstore he'd told her she kissed the same as she always had. In different words, he'd said their connection had come out of the need for familiarity. But the way she kissed him now _was_ different. She still felt like the girl he'd kissed when he was sixteen, but she was so much more now. She tasted like the future, like happiness and endless possibilities. She was _always_ meant to do this…just be with him.

His hands cradled her head and he deepened the kiss. He'd found peace in the fact that he'd let her make the first move so he could really believe she wouldn't regret it. If he'd moved first with it, he'd always be afraid she'd use it against him. But it was Elena who'd taken that first step. It made it _real_. It made it perfect.

He wasn't worried about her state of mind. Months ago he may have thought she was doing it to hide other feelings. But her fears about Elijah were separate from this. She'd left the hospital and said she needed to be alone with _him_. These moments were for them, not for anyone else.

"I need this, I want this," she breathed hungrily, her nose pressed against his. her hands dug into his hair. "I want us…I want this…"

He nodded and pressed his lips on hers again. He loved hearing her words, but feeling her kisses were all he could think about now; they were a sweet wine on his lips.

"When we get home, when this is done…all of it…" she swallowed, "I want it to be real."

"Me too," he whispered into her mouth, kissing her again. "Everything else can just go away…you're all that matters…."

She nodded against his lips, tugging his shirt collar to pull him closer. Their knees were wet and sore from digging into the tiny stones under that bridge. It was raining now and water showered down the sides of the bridge as he kissed her breathlessly. The pitter patter of the drops pounding into the earth was a perfect soundtrack to their not so perfect love story.

"No matter what happens tonight, good or bad, happy or sad….nothing will ruin this," she smiled. "Nothing could ever take this feeling away from me again."

"I love you," he whispered again.

"Kiss me until they call..." She whispered back into his ear.

* * *

><p>They stayed under that bridge, whispering and kissing until his phone rang. Michael didn't tell him much on the phone…just that he was in recovery. Damon had promised they'd leave right away and they did. He wasn't worried that seeing Elijah would kill their moment. He wasn't afraid that seeing the man who'd kissed <em>his<em> Elena would somehow send her into a downward spiral of guilt and she'd vanish or close up again. That wasn't going to happen.

He felt her wet head crash down on his shoulder in the cab. He held her hand as they rode in silence back to the hospital. They were Damon and Elena again…they were stronger than _everything_.

She was right; nothing could ruin them now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The last scene came into this chapter without me realizing it would. Elijah's injury has done a number on Elena, but she's so much stronger than she would've been if it would've happened a few months ago. The point is, Elena understand herself better now. Moments like this, when Elijah is dying, show her life is too short to wait around. She has nothing to lose and she knows it.**

**I needed this slow progression to happen for them because it's just more realistic. There is no way she would've been as hurt as she was and just fall into something quickly. But 18 chapters (19 with the prologue) in seems fair enough. **

**Their emotions are out there now, but there are still things to be said and done. Elena needs to tell him how she feels with words. **

**And as for Elijah, what do we think? Will he make it? **


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: I've been needing to write this chapter for a while now. I'm glad I was able to sit down and chip away at it slowly. It turned into so much more than I thought it would. I start writing them and remember how much I love when they share happy moments, and all the sudden there are more than 7,000 words staring back at me.**

**I am happy to share a happy chapter this with you because the last few chapters have been so heavy. This one isn't ALL sunshine and rainbows. There are some sad truths to be read. But I'm so proud of where Elena and Damon have gotten. I love where they are right now. It's terribly fun to write!**

**There is a decent amount of dialogue. I think you'll see why when you're done reading the chapter. **

**Thanks for your time and reviews. Can't wait to read them!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 19**

"Which do you like more, grilled chicken or baked chicken?" Elena sat on the couch with Damon's feet on her lap, her hands working over his tight arches and heels. He'd spent the last twenty minutes fading in and out of sleep, tired from another long day of work. He felt her hands on his bare skin and fought to decipher the dream world from reality. These days, that happened too often.

It had been a week since Elijah's accident and it felt like he hadn't slept since. They'd gotten back to Mystic Falls three days ago, and he'd put in 14 hours of work every day. The stress of the store on top of Elijah, and Elena, and the baby had him days away from keeling over. No matter what he did, it always felt like he couldn't win; he could never help everyone and still help himself.

He'd trusted the store in Kol's hands while he was gone, having no other choice. Elena hadn't taken well to that piece of information at first, but it was over now. What good would it do to complain? He'd done a decent job and Damon had been by her side the entire time. He'd chosen her over everything.

"Don't know," he mumbled. "Too tired." He nuzzled his face into the back of the couch, blocking out the setting sun through her big picture window. "I'll get myself something on my way home tonight. Just need a few more minutes to rest." His statement trailed off in a yawn.

He was a mess, she knew, and it was all for her. He teased her just the same, and acted like he was fine. But she knew better. He was near exhaustion. He'd been by her side at the hospital for days. He'd watched her hold Elijah's, first waiting for him to wake up, then praying he'd be okay after he did. He'd slept in chairs next to her. He'd insisted she get a cot and he'd watched her all night. The stress of waiting was eating away at her, he knew, and he hated it. It was taking a toll on him, watching her sadness and frustration.

When Elijah had woken, his eyes immediately focused on hers. He smiled at first, but after a moment, he looked at her as if she were but a happy memory…

But now Elena let herself fall into Damon, snuggling into his side on her fluffy couch. Her head crashed into his chest and immediately felt his arm wrap around her waist. She smiled. "I'd like to make dinner for you tonight," she closed her eyes. "You haven't eaten real food in weeks, Damon."

"Subs are real food," he muttered, nuzzling his face into her neck. "Mmm. You smell nice."

"Don't change the subject," she arched an eyebrow and smiled. "But thank you," she propped herself up on her elbow. Ms. Dimples crawled up and lay on their bare feet, tangled togther at the end of the couch. "You're leaving here in a few hours right?" she whispered.

He nodded against her neck, memorizing her perfume. He hadn't slept over since they'd gotten home. He'd wanted to. Every night he'd almost broken down and asked to stay…but he hadn't. Yes, they'd kissed under that bridge. He'd said he loved her and he wanted the world to know…but he was happy where they were right now. She was sweet to him, even if she hadn't said those words three words back. She'd been in a world of pain the last few weeks, but she was strong. It was a miracle that she hadn't regressed…

Things had been hectic. There hadn't really been time for them to just talk since they'd gotten back…not about Elijah, not about them. They shared little moments, here and there. She worked five hours a day at the store , then went home to do little things around the house. He'd work 14 hours and stop by her place for an hour or two before he'd turn in for the night at his apartment. They'd fallen into somewhat of a routine just to spend some time together, but they needed more…

She rubbed her hand along his smooth, tired face now, frowning at the dark circles below his beautiful eyes. "You've been going nonstop for me," she swallowed. "You need rest. Solid rest."

"I'm good. I sleep at night, sort of…" his eyes remained closed.

"Sort of?" she sighed sadly. "Damon…" Now who was doing the babying?

"Well, I start to doze, but I keep checking my phone, thinking it's on silent or maybe I slept through your call. One day you're going to call and tell me he remembers you, _really_ remembers you…" his fingers went up to her necklace and played with the clasp absentmindedly.

"I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that he doesn't," she frowned. "He remembers me…he says he does…" she sighed. "He may never really remember. It's sad, but I have to accept it."

"I was concerned you weren't ready to come home when we did," he admitted. "You could've stayed longer. I could've come back to take care of the store. If you would've wanted anything, I would've flown back to New York in a heartbeat. I would've flown back _just_ to fly home with you when you were ready…"

"No, Damon," she let her fingers fall into his hair. "He's my friend and I'm worried about him, but we needed to come home. I want to be home. He has others to take care of him. My life isn't there anymore. My life is here with you. I'm worried about _you_."

"And I'm worried about the store…so I put in all these hours, but then I realize I don't have the energy to even plan anything to help it…I spend hours bitching about how it's failing…"

Elena shook her head. She needed to talk to him about her plan to bring Katherine into the store for an event, but he was too tired, too cranky to even consider letting her help them. She wasn't even sure Katherine would consider it. Damon had described her as shallow enough to want the fame from their book that she'd stayed on the project even when she disagreed with his ending. Maybe the same would go this time around. Maybe the prospect of fame would outweigh her disgust with him…

"You can't keep doing this! You can't put in all these hours and expect to stay healthy. You're wonderful, Damon…but you're not Superman and I don't want you to be. I can't have you losing sleep over me. I told you weeks ago…" Her voice held worry, concern. It was evident, and it warmed him.

"It just happens that way," his voice was sore. "I can't help it. I'm not here to know you're okay every night," he hadn't brought up moving in together since they'd first found out about the baby. "So I worry."

She seemed to ignore his final comment, but he let it go.

"Go lie down in my room for a while," she suggested. "I'll make us a late dinner and wake you when it's done. It's time I do something for you for a change."

He nodded, but pulled her closer, his forehead pressing into her cheek. "Want to come with me?" Sometimes, he took a chance. Ever since their kiss under the bridge, tiny moments like this had seemed so easy between them.

"Dinner won't cook itself," she smiled, poking him in the chest. "Take Ms. Dimples with you. She's a good snuggler when she wants to be," she rubbed her hand across his chest and sat up. "Now go on," she tugged him up and scooted him along toward her room. "I expect to hear snoring."

He walked sleepily to her bedroom. He surrounded himself in her soft blankets and pillows and fell asleep quickly. Sleeping in her bed was _easy_; he knew she was safe. And when he fell into dreams, he only felt happiness…

* * *

><p>Elena stirred the pasta, watching the noodles soften. This felt good…doing something for him, for them. She'd never been the domestic one; in fact, she and Elijah almost never cooked meals for dinner. They found themselves grabbing sandwiches or pizza in between the chaos of their lives. But life was better now that she was with Damon. She wanted to make food for him and let him rest. It didn't feel forced or expected of her. It just felt right.<p>

When she was eleven years old, she would've never thought she'd rather _make_ chicken for him than eat chicken nuggets with him. She never thought she'd actually _want_ him to sleep instead of spend time with her. But time ticked on and things fell into place. The memories of them as little kids didn't hurt her feelings anymore. She could think of him as her little friend without it leading to eventual heartbreak, because now she knew how it all would end.

He'd been her rock through everything. He'd been sweet and supportive while she cried over a man who wasn't him. He hadn't once looked jealous, she knew. He was amazing, and he was hers. If only she had the strength to tell him that.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, he's awake!" Elena breathed, squeezing Elijah's hand. Tears cleared up from her eyes and focused on her sleepy friend. "Elijah…"<p>

"Elena," he smiled slowly, as if he'd just been napping. "Ow…." He went to touch his neck but she pulled his hand away quickly.

"Don't…" she smiled sadly. "You'll make it hurt more. Just lie still," he blinked a few times, trying to get her into focus. "God, you're a miracle, Eli…"

Damon stood in the doorframe of his hospital room, watching from a distance. They'd waited for this moment for 24 hours, but it didn't mean he wasn't worried about it. He knewl what could happen when Elijah woke up. Joe had told him everything about the officer's recklessness that day…

So he watched Elena speak to him with cautious eyes, ready to step in only if he had to. He didn't say a word until he knew it was okay.

"What happened? Why am I here?" Elijah frowned.

"You don't remember…" Elena sighed. "You had an accident, Eli…"

He closed his eyes, trying to remember, but he came up with nothing.

"You were shot," she squeezed his hand. "You were brave…but…" he shook his head in disbelief. "You're okay, you're fine now…" she encouraged.

"Did you see that note about dropping my clothes off at the cleaners?" He whispered. "I put it on your bed while you were in the shower."

"What?" She furrowed her brows and turned to look behind her at Damon.

"The note… it said 'before you go to work today, can you drop off my clothes?' I have that event to go to and…"

"Eli…" tears fell into her lap. "I don't live with you anymore. I don't live in New York."

"What do you mean?" He frowned. "Yes you do, you just had breakfast with me this morning. I just woke you up this morning…" his voice was getting worried now. "We had waffles and…"

"You don't remember," her voice broke.

"Sure I do," he squeezed her hand. "I remember you."

"You might remember me, but you don't remember everything, honey," she whispered.

"You make me happy," he smiled. "I know you make me feel good. I'm glad you're here…"

She gasped, her voice shaking with tears. "Shhh," she whispered, stroking his cheek. "You're okay now…"

"Doctor," Damon walked into the hallway, "We need his doctor. He's awake, but something's wrong…" he told the desk.

Hours later, after much testing, his doctor confirmed what Elena already knew. He was diagnosed with Selective Memory Loss.

"He remembers big picture…people, feelings…but he's completely blocked out the accident and anything that happened right before it," the doctor explained. "So he may know _you_, Elena, but he may not really remember. Any stress, any trauma…he's blocked."

"He doesn't even remember I _moved_, doctor," she cried. "I left New York months ago!"

"The last test I did, he said he knew you moved….but he may be saying that because you told him. Honestly, at this point, we just need to have patience. It's not good to force memories or try to make him remember. He's blocking things for a reason. If you push too hard, the ideas you give him may take over real memories."

"But then we're _lying_ to him," Elena cried.

"So what do we do? What is best for him?" Damon asked the doctor calmly. Elena wasn't thinking clearly, he knew. He'd ask the doctor everything she wanted to know but was afraid to ask.

"It's okay to tell him things," he nodded. "You can explain things to him and tell him the way things are. But don't get angry with him if he doesn't remember. He may start to think he's remembering, but really just have made something up that he _wants_ to have happened. It's not easy on patient or family."

They'd let him rest; visited him for a few hours a day to keep him company. But his twisted memories were starting to get to her. Sometimes he was fine, and other's he was asking her what happened on their favorite tv show the night before. In a way, it was torture…

* * *

><p>Damon left to grab them some coffee and found her sleeping in the chair next to Elijah when he'd returned.<p>

"So…you're Damon," Elijah smiled. He'd seen the man sitting next to Elena. Sometimes he saw him standing in the background for hours…but he'd never tried to talk to him until now.

"I am," he swallowed nervously. "Damon Salvatore."

"I know who you are," he nodded and Damon's face straightened out. His eyes shifted to the sleeping Elena. She was completely out. "You're my little Elena's boyfriend." The details Elijah had forgotten were working in his favor; he couldn't help but feel almost selfish. But he promised her not to push Elijah. That meant not throwing it in his face, either.

"Something like that," his lips turned upward quickly. There weren't really words to describe what he and Elena were to each other. They just _were_.

"But I think you hurt her feelings. Something about you makes me feel angry." He added.

"I did hurt her feelings, a long time ago," he said seriously. "But I love her, and I apologized and everything is going to be okay now." He nodded, sipping his coffee.

"Hmmm," Elijah frowned. "It feels like more than that," he looked down at the sleeping woman.

"It is," he said honestly, "but that's the only part that matters right now," he sighed. "That and that you are her very best friend. Did you know that? Do you know what you mean to her?"

Elijah's eyes scanned her over and he smiled. "Something feels good about her," he nodded. "I remember never feeling sad or alone with her. She's important to me. I just don't know why. I know she was my roommate…but something more…"

"You're like a brother to her. She would _never_ do anything to hurt you. I want you to remember that," Damon encouraged. He needed to reiterate those tiny facts now. Once Elijah remembered everything, if he did, he wanted him to realize she'd still been there to support him. "Do you know she's barely slept since you got hurt? You're that important to her."

"I think you're lucky, Damon," he smiled. "You're lucky she loves you." Damon's heart stopped for a minute. Of course he knew she loved him…but those words, even coming out of a man with amnesia's mouth, were amazing. "I heard her say it once…I remember that, but not much else."

"I am lucky," he brushed a chunk of hair out of her face as she slept. "Thank you. She might get angry with me for telling you this, but she needs her rest, okay? She's pregnant."

"With your baby…" he said slowly. "Maybe I remember that. I hate not remembering. I'm angry that I don't remember," he huffed. "I know I'm a cop…I must not be a very good one," he smiled. He tried to sit up, "Ow."

"Listen man," Damon sighed. "You are a good cop and you are a good guy. I barely know you and I know _that_," he smiled.

"Are we friends?" He asked seriously. It was like a punch to the gut for Damon. How could he explain the way Elijah felt about him? Hatred? Envy? Jealousy….

"You took care of my Lena when I was too weak to. We've had our issues, I won't lie about that. But you know what? You're okay in my book." It was strong of him to say it. He could easily have thrown the bitter facts in his face. But why would he? There was no reason for that. Life was short. Elijah was never leaving Elena's life; he needed to try…

"Okay," he smiled. "That's good. If she loves you, I think we should be friends. If I'm a brother, like you say I am, I have to make sure you don't do anything stupid to her," he winked. "Right?"

"God, I hope you remember this conversation," he patted him on the shoulder gently. Elena slowly stirred, stretching her arms out. She smiled as she saw Damon sitting by Elijah.

"Everything okay here?" She asked, sipping her now room temperature coffee. Her eyes fell to Damon, pleading for answers. He nodded.

"Damon was just helping me remember," he said seriously to Elena.

"Oh dear God," she nearly spit her coffee out and a smile played on Elijah's lips.

"No worries," Damon winked. "I was just reminding him of what a great big brother he was to you," he stared at her, willing her to understand, "and that you'd never hurt him intentionally."

She nodded, grateful that Damon was able to get through to him with words she couldn't bring herself to say. He worked miracles, every day. It made it easy to remember why she never stopped letting herself love him.

* * *

><p>They'd left a few days later, once he was released from the hospital. The doctor said he may never remember the small details he'd chosen to forget. She couldn't wait forever….she had a life to live. It felt wrong, in a way. She'd hurt him and now she was letting him believe she'd been nothing but a blessing in his life. Damon made her out to be some godsend to Elijah. She wasn't angry with him for it, but it would only make it harder <em>if<em> he remembered one day. He'd just say she'd lied again….

Damon was done keeping things from her. On the airplane he'd held her hand and told her everything. She'd cried and cringed and cussed about it, but she needed to hear it. He couldn't lie.

"Joe told me something about that afternoon," he said seriously. "You aren't going to like it, but I think you should know." He breathed.

"It's my fault, like I thought, isn't it?" Her voice shook.

"No," his head shifted back and forth against the plush seat and he looked sideways at her. "Elijah was reckless because of his own decisions. He shouldn't have gone there if he wasn't ready. He didn't obey orders. He shoved himself to the front of the action and bad mouthed the shooter."

"Oh my God, it's like he had a death wish," She whispered, letting the information register in her mind. "He didn't care if he died…he _wanted_ to die…I made him feel that way…"

"I don't want to hear you saying that ever again," he squeezed her hand. "You never blame yourself for his actions. They were _his_ choices."

"I know…it just hurts to know he'd be that way. I get it, you know? I've been there…done things to hurt myself to numb the pain…to hurt others…you. He, of all people, should know better. It's selfish."

"I just needed to tell you. I'm not saying this to make you relive your past, Elena," he sipped his water. "I know you're strong enough to keep this information in check, keep your head on straight."

"I am," she sighed. "But it hurts just the same." She'd stayed silent for the next half an hour and he hadn't said a word to her. But she reached over and squeezed his hand every now and then, just to show him she was okay.

* * *

><p>Now she turned off the burner and lifted the chicken breasts off the small grill in her kitchen. The mixture of so many scents had nearly forced her to the bathroom several times, but she'd overcome the nausea to prepare the meal. It needed to be perfect. She was going to tell him that night. She wanted him to know she loved him.<p>

She set the table nicely, with a white tablecloth and all the appropriate silverware. She'd poured him wine and sparkling juice for herself and put flowers in the middle of the table as if this were some thoroughly planned affair and not a quick attempt at romance. She lit some candles and made sure everything was right before she padded off into the room to get him. Sometimes the most random of ideas served her best.

But when she got there she found him shirtless, curled up in her blankets and holding Ms. Dimples tightly to his chest. She was surprised the cat had taken to him so quickly. She didn't seem too keen on men. She tiptoed to the bed and laid down next to him. "Damon," she whispered, trying not to startle him. "Hey…dinner's…"

"She's crying again," he mumbled. "She's probably hungry." Ms. Dimples took off and Damon's arm went around Elena. "I'll get her this time…"

"Hey," she laughed and shook him lightly, "You're dreaming." Her heart pounded at the thoughts of fatherhood swarming his dreams. He really was so in love with their baby. It was adorable.

Damon's eyes shot open and went immediately to Elena's stomach. He pressed into the small bump and exhaled. He looked up into her eyes. "Sorry…I…." a small blush crept onto his cheeks.

"Were you dreaming about the baby?" She asked with a smile in her voice.

"I do that a lot," he admitted nervously. He was showing such a soft side of himself. "Dream about what she'll be like."

"She, huh?" She smirked. "A baby girl…" She looked up thinking of what it would be like to dress her in pink and buy her dolls and teddy bears.

"Every single time. Every dream I have…she has your beautiful eyes…." He rubbed his thumb over her lower lip. "Those are the best dreams. If I knew I'd dream like that every night, I wouldn't be so afraid to fall asleep."

She nuzzled closer to him now. "Every time I've pictured our baby, _he's_ looked just like you," she admitted. "But with far better sleeping habits," she winked.

"Funny," he pushed in her nose. "You're really funny," his lips went lopsided and his hands went out to tickle her gently on her sides. She rolled around laughing for a minute before she could get her words out.

"You were a zombie an hour ago. A little rest has done you a favor," she smiled when his hands tried to tickle her again, but she snuck away. "A sudden burst of energy and this is how you use it?" She stuck her tongue out. "Men."

"Oh, you want me to use it for other things, maybe?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Um, yeah…" she paused, rolling her eyes. "Like eating the lovely meal I made for us," she winked as he pouted. "But you really are so tempting..."

"I have a gazillion points to use, Elena. You haven't let me use even _one_ of those," he laughed. "And you say things to remind me of that sad fact…"

"It's like that sticker chart kids get," she laughed. "You earn all these stickers for doing great things, but you never quite fill it up enough to actually _earn_ something," she teased and pouted.

"Let's hope it's not like that," he got out of bed and threw a shirt on. Her eyes watched the muscles of his back flex and her heart fluttered.

"Have _I_ earned any points?" She asked, smiling, pulling off her t-shirt to reveal a tank top. She was warm from cooking in the hot kitchen, but Damon didn't mind the view.

"Definitely. That dinner smells amazing, that's at least like five points. Maybe if I give _you_ points for random things, we'll get there faster," he joked. He made it obvious that he was only kidding. The last thing he needed was to cross the line when they'd come so far this week.

"Okay, then I'm using my points right now," she paused for drama, "Shirtless dinner."

"Does that go for you too?" he walked over to her, slipping his fingers to the hem of her tank top.

"Absolutely not," she laughed. "I'm pregnant and I'm self-conscious right now. And I'm a lady. I have better manners than that."

"You look amazing," he frowned. "So amazing."

"I look _fat_ and I'm barely showing," she pointed down.

"I don't see fat at all. I see a baby. _Our_ baby. And she's cute, like her mommy. It _suits_ you, Elena. I don't want that to sound weird, even though I'm sure it does. It's just a daily reminder of the great little life in there."

"You're getting points, but I'm still not taking my shirt off…" she announced loudly. Ms. Dimples ran across the floor in disapproval.

"I'll take what I can get," he walked into the dining room and was surprised to find the meal laid out for him. He'd expected just a quick dinner but she'd gone all out.

"Now I feel underdressed," pointing to his chest. He smiled. "Candles? Elena, how _fancy_. This is sweet, really."

He looked across the table to see her blushing, she stabbed at her salad and smiled, proud of what she'd done. "You've earned a nice meal, Damon. One that doesn't come in a tacky wrapper or out of a box," she smiled when she saw him digging in so quickly. His eyes lit up with the very first bite.

"Dear Lord, have you been able to cook this whole time?" He said after he'd swallowed his first bite. "Elena, honey, this is really good," he took another bite. "I am honestly impressed right now."

"Well I have to use my spare time _somehow_," she smiled. "You kick me out of that bookstore so early in the day. I'm not about to sit on the couch the rest of the afternoon. That's unhealthy and unproductive. I've been taking cooking lessons down the street."

He bit into the chicken. "Is this marinated? When did you have time? Good lord, woman…"

"I may have sort of planned this out?" She shrugged. "Wasn't sure you'd bite on my bait, though." She passed him the butter.

"You've succeeded," he nodded. "Cooking lessons? I'm surprised."

"I may as well learn how to be a mom," she blinked. It got serious for a moment. He was worried she was about to go on some tangent about how she wasn't good enough. But it didn't turn that way. Instead she just listened.

"If anyone needs to learn how to be a parent, it's me. Your father was more of a dad to me than my own father. I'm going to go off of _his_ parenting. I like his style."

"Okay, but if we have a daughter, please don't threaten her boyfriends like my Dad did you. You weren't even my _boyfriend_ at the time and he was all over you. I think I saw him with a glass pressed up against the door trying to listen in when he thought you were in my room once, Damon. He was crazy!"

"I make absolutely _no_ promises about my parenting," he bit into a roll. "If you're there with me, everything will be _just_ fine. You keep me in line, don't you?"

"Somebody has to. Somebody has to force food down your throat and make you sleep at night, too," she reminded. "What can we do about _that_? Honestly…"

"Baby, you make food like _this_ and you'll never have to tell me twice again," he smiled. "But that makes me sound like I expect you to be the housewife, now doesn't it? That's not what I meant. We arenot your typical family, here," He pointed to his naked chest.

"But I'm not taking it that way at all," she smiled. "I'm an independent person and you know that, but I couldn't help but think about how I would love to do this every day. Take care of you."

"We could, you know," he set his fork down and wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. "We could very easily fall into this life. Do things like this every day."

"Maybe," she smiled, sipping her sparkling juice. "Maybe I'd consider it...moving in together..." Her eyes shimmered with hope and consideration. She was lightening to the idea, he knew.

"Maybe is definitely better than 'no way.'" He smiled. "By the way, I'm picking the dinner theme next time. I'm thinking…sexy pirate…"

"And I'm thinking you should just get more food in your body because you're delusional," she rolled her eyes. "Sexy pirate…" she muttered to herself, laughing. "You sure are full of it when you're overtired, aren't you?" Her heart fluttered.

He paused to take in the moment. It was amazing. He'd never been happier. The woman sitting across from him, sipping that sparkling juice, was the most beautiful sight he'd seen. He never wanted to forget this moment because it was just so _them_. They'd always done crazy, silly things as kids. It felt good to do them now.

"I'm just so proud of you, Elena. I know you don't like talking about this, but its times like this that I need to," he licked his lips. "I don't want to pretend that we didn't know each other before. Nights like these…I just remember being a kid with you. I remember curling up in my bed with you and talking until the sun came up. I remember the feeling of loving you before you even knew I did. Cut out all the bullshit misunderstandings and mistakes in the middle and I'm right back there, Elena. I'm still that kid…"

"I know you are," she smiled sweetly. "It may surprise you to know this, but I never pretended we didn't have a past," she bit her lip. "I'm sorry I was a bitch to you. That's not me."

"You've apologized enough, and I should _never_ have called you that. I was angry and confused that night, Elena. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry, his eyes melted into hers. Silence hung in the air for just a moment before she spoke.

"Then it's done," she smiled brightly through the candle's flame. "No more apologies for anything that happened in the past. It's exactly _that_, the past. If we just keep revisiting the bad things, we'll never get to the good parts. No more thoughts of it. I'm done with it, are you?"

"Absolutely done," he nodded. "Only present and future talk from _these_ lips."

She poured him another glass of wine.

"Heard any more about Elijah while I was asleep?" he asked. He wished he could get the idea of it out of his head and just enjoy being with her, but the sinking thought kept popping up.

"No," she shook her head lightly. "Sometimes I think you're more worried about him than I am."

"It's not that. I'm just concerned he's going to remember things and we're going to go backwards," he admitted. "I'm so thankful you made it through that stress without anything going wrong with the baby. I guess if we're being honest, I'm still secretly worried that something bad _is_ going to happen. The thought of losing her…"

"It won't," she whispered, shaking her head. "I'm through the first trimester. I'm not saying it's absolutely, 100% smooth sailing from here on out, but I do know my stats. I've done a lot of reading. Chances of miscarriage are low now," she smiled. "We're having this baby. It's real, and you're going to be a wonderful Daddy."

* * *

><p>She got up and started cleaning off the table, but he walked up next to her and took her wrists in his hands to stop her. "You've cooked this meal. You are <em>not<em> cleaning up, too." He smiled.

"This is like one of those fantasy movies where a naked guy starts waiting on the woman hand and foot," she smiled, but he shook his head.

But he didn't laugh or make a comment. His face turned serious and loving. "We're a team. We always have been and we always will be. We share responsibilities."

She'd made a fancy dinner and completely clammed up when she wanted to tell him how she felt. But then he went and said things like that and she remembered why she needed to tell him.

"Leave the dishes for now," she knit her eyebrows together. She needed to talk to him. He stared at her for a moment and followed her over to the couch.

* * *

><p>"What's up?" he asked as she lie back in his arms. They stared out the picture window into the darkness now.<p>

"The ultrasound is in six weeks. At that point we'll be just about half way there. We'll find out the sex, if we want to." she smiled. "I haven't really let you talk about the baby or about the future. Earlier, when you said those things about the baby looking like me…I realized how fun it is to think about those things with you."

"I've been afraid to push you," he admitted. "I know we're both okay with this situation, and I know you love the baby, Elena…but I've been afraid to really ask you about _us_." He traced the lines of her neck with his hands. "You kissed me," his thumbs went together and rested on the back of her neck. He waited for her to say something. "You said you want us…" She nodded.

"But we've been so busy since," he continued when she said nothing. "All the sudden we're like _this_," he stroked the side of her neck with the backs of his fingers again. "And I love it, I do, don't get me wrong…but…"

"But you're worried about my feelings now," she turned toward him. "Because I haven't said them out loud," she said, knowingly. "Do you think I've changed my mind? Do you think I did those things out of pain and shock about Elijah?"

"No, of course not," he smiled. "You made it clear that it was just about you and me." She leaned back in his arms again, staring straight ahead at the glass of the window. She could see their reflection.

"You're so much better with words than I am," she sighed. "But the reason I didn't tell you my feelings under that bridge was because I wanted to make _sure_ you understood that Elijah had no part in my decision about us. So I kissed you…." She tangled her fingers in between his, "because I'm better at showing how I feel than actually saying the words. They always come out wrong…"

"You never have to be afraid to talk to me," he smiled. "I love you, remember? Anything you have to say is worth hearing, good or bad. I'm not just in this for the good stuff," one hand found her stomach.

"Good…because chances are, I'll probably end up hurting your feelings again at some point. Nothing like before…never again…but I am an emotional wrecking ball sometimes. You may just get taken down because you're in the room…"

"Let's not, okay?" He kissed her cheek, smiling. "You were trying to tell me something?"

"Yes," she breathed. "I want to be a family…a _real_ family. I want all that stereotypical, puke-worthy stuff that we never had as kids, and I want it with you…and not just for the baby. I want to do this and I want you by my side…for _me_…with me the whole time. I never want to be away from you again…" she swallowed. "You make all of this worth so much more, Damon. You make life, and this baby, and everything so much better. When I came back here, to Mystic Falls, I had a bad attitude, didn't I?"

"Um…" he smiled.

"Yeah, exactly," she lifted her eyebrows. "I was angry that I had to run that bookstore with you. I didn't want to feel anything for you anymore…" she admitted. "And then we had sex and it got even more terrifying to imagine," she admitted, "because the feelings _weren't _gone, Damon. But somewhere along the line, all of that went to the back burner…and then the burner got turned off…and now it's completely gone. My wanting to be with you has nothing to do with winning or finally getting my way. I want to be with you because of how you make me feel," she swallowed nervously. Her hands were sweating. She felt 18 again.

She was good at dancing around the subject. She was great at it. Even now she was talking about him making her feel something, but not really saying what those feelings were.

"And how, exactly, _do_ I make you feel?" He leaned down to kiss the back of her neck and a shiver shot through her. "What am I to you, Elena?" His teeth grazed over her soft skin and she began to melt.

She turned and looked into his eyes again. "You're what you've always been. You're my world," she breathed. It didn't begin to describe how she felt, but it was the best she could do.

She continued. "I know myself better because of you. You show me things about myself that no one else ever could. People _tried, _Damon. Elijah tried... but they couldn't. He taught me that it was important to love myself, even though I'd done so much wrong. He helped me create this new version, a stronger version. But no one could actually make me love _all_ of me again…only you. Somehow," she was getting teary and he wiped away a stream that had made its way down her cheek, "sorry, this has been building inside of me for a while," she explained.

He shook his head and smiled. "Shhh, you're fine," he tipped up her chin and she nodded and continued.

"Somehow, when I'm with you…I love myself. I don't hate even the dark, worst parts of me. They make me sad, but I've embraced them. They are a part of my life. I spent years thinking I had to _beat_ them somehow…but it was never about that. I thought I needed to get past the fact that I was in love with you," she touched his lower lip now with her thumb. "But that was the stupidest idea I ever had," she laughed and his fingers touched the inside of her wrist. "There's nothing to beat, nothing…" her thumb rubbed over his lip again.

Her breath was wild and hot as the words sailed sweetly from her lips. It was coming: the deepest contents of her heart. "I spent all this time talking about how the old me was gone, how I was just this new me…" she breathed inches from his lips. "But it's not true. There doesn't have to be all these different versions of me…," he grin stretched from one side of his face to the other at her words. "There is just _one_ me. I'm _just_ Elena…a woman who's been through a lot, seen and done a lot, but who's never, for one minute, stopped loving you." Her eyebrows twitched in emotions and his breath caught in his throat.

"That," he smiled, and she saw the moisture in his eyes, "is the most _beautiful_ thing I have ever heard in my life." He barely got the words out and her lips were on his. They were soft and gentle, full of love, not hunger.

"In case you didn't get it," she whispered against his warm lips, "What I really meant to say is," she whispered in his ear and sent a cool shiver down his spine. "I love you." She was wrapped in his warm, naked arms in seconds, his hands resting on the small of her back.

"I know," he smiled against the top of her hair. "I love you, and I will never get tired of hearing or saying those words to you and our baby." He paused. "Did you hear that, little baby? I love you, too."

* * *

><p>The dishes lay on the table for the rest of the night. She stayed there, wide awake in his strong arms for an hour before he even made a move.<p>

"Guess it's that time," he sat up, looking at his watch. "Time to head home for the night," he motioned to put on his socks and shoes and pulled his shirt back over his head.

"Don't," she stopped him. "Stay with me..." She'd never asked, but he'd never assumed she wanted him to. Even now, after she'd told him she loved him, he didn't just assume it meant she wanted him in her bed again.

But the thought of him leaving after she'd shared such a deep emotion with him scared her. She needed him to hold her. She needed to let him understand she was meant it. She never wanted him to leave again…

He nodded and slipped his shoes off again, putting them under the coffee table. "Just so you know, I'll never say no to you," he stretched his arms up and her eyes fell to his dragon tattoo.

"I kind of like that you have that tattoo," she smiled. "It's a great reminder of your book."

"Silly girl, I told Katherine that because it was the easy way out. I was in denial. This tattoo was about keeping you with me forever," he kissed her. "Even in my darkest times I needed you."

"You are way too sexy with words," she shook her head. "Come to bed with me."

"And that's the second most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Two in one night…I need to be tired and malnourished more often, I think."

"Don't make me regret what I just said about your sexiness," she stuck her tongue out. "Now, there are _rules_ and you need to abide by them. Seriously, I'm not even kidding right now." Her hands were on her hips and she raised her eyebrows.

He got serious too, expecting her to say he had to stay away from her, not touch her. He was okay with that. He respected her wishes…they didn't have to rush anything. All his talk of points was just in jest. He loved her enough to wait.

"Lay them on me," he smiled. "I'm a great rule follower." He held his hand up as if taking an oath. "Let me guess, I need to stay on my side of the bed, there's an invisible line. If I so much as attempt to use my points," he smiled.

She shook her head and pulled his shirt over his head. "You have to sleep in your underwear."

"God, can you make all the rules?" he smiled, pulling his shirt back off and undoing his belt. "Wait, so do _you_ have to follow these rules, too, this time?"

She nodded, wiggling her eyebrows. "I sleep naked every night," she shrugged, watching him carefully for his reaction.

"Annnnnnnd I'm dead," he teased. He smiled pulling the covers over himself. He pulled her back against him, nuzzling into the back of her neck. "You are so soft. I love this."

"Ms. Dimples is _so_ jealous of me right now," she smiled. "If she had claws, they'd be in my leg right about now."

"It's official," he smiled as his lips pressed against her hair. "This is going to be the best night of sleep ever." She turned in his arms and laid her head on his pillow, watching his lips. "Peaceful, uninterrupted, blissful sleep."

He saw something in her eyes he hadn't seen before; a calm. She was there, all of her. Any versions she'd temporarily used to make things easier were blended into one, breathtaking woman before him. He'd never let her go again; she'd be his wife one day, he vowed to himself in that moment.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetie," her voice lifted in a tease, "But I get up to pee every few hours," she kissed him on the forehead. "If you're going to sleep with _me_, you're going to be waking up a _lot_."

His lips turned up into a smile and he loved at her lovingly. "Okay," he whispered,"I think I can handle that."

"Night," she kissed his lips and turned around, scooting herself back up against him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there we have it: 20 chapters with the prologue and Elena has finally admitted it. It has taken a reasonable amount of time for her to get here. I took this small jump in time after a little consideration. This chapter did _not_ go this way at first. I intended to spend more time waiting for Elijah to wake up…and suddenly, it hit me. I needed him to be conscious for that conversation with Damon. It's an important one. Damon has come so far where Elijah is concerned. He's not a threat even though he should logically be a bigger threat than ever…**

**Damon is the man for Elena and he knows it. There is nothing that could change his mind. He will be supportive of her through the entire Elijah debacle because he loves her and that's what she needs.**

**It is just so fun to write the pieces coming into place. I like to write the drama and angst as much as most of you like to read it. But I think we're all in agreement on the fact that we love the pain because it makes the love so much sweeter when it comes….**

**Thank you, readers!**


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: We are cruising along in time a little. It's not a major jump, just enough to let us see how things have been going for DE with the pregnancy and the store. Many of you have said you love where they are in their relationship right now. I appreciate that. I've worked hard to make this crazy build up, and hearing that you see it the way I do makes me feel like I've done my job. **

**We'll see even more development in this one. Damon will have a breakthrough. **

**But first we'll start off with a fun little flashback that just hit me one day. It connects in a tiny way that may not be entirely obvious, but I'm throwing it in because it keeps that link between past and present DE. It's fun to see more of what things were like back then, and we've seen so few happy scenes from when they were 18. I just had to do it ;)**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 20**

"Woah, woah, there's a wet mop right there," Damon breathed, dodging his head out of the way as Elena pushed him roughly against the wall in the janitor's closet of their high school. They were eighteen…they'd been dating for just two weeks. Finding places to be together could be hard, but Elena was always up for a challenge.

"Sorry," she panted, pulling his shirt open and kissing his chest breathlessly. "We can't miss another class today. We have exactly three minutes until the bell rings. I'm not exactly watching what I'm doing here…" It was almost pitch black inside the closet, but the feeling of her bare skin against his told him her clothes were coming off, too.

"You're crazy!" he laughed as he heard cleaning supplies crashing down around them. "You… are crazy."

"Two minutes," she whispered again and her hands went to his belt. He smiled as her hands slipped under his the waistband of his boxers, grabbing him roughly.

"Dear. God," he moaned. She nodded and he lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He walked her backwards in the tiny closet, pushing her into what he thought was the opposite wall. But his feet kept shuffling further than they should have. She'd not only bumped broom; the back of her leg had unlatched the door….

But he didn't notice. His eyes were closed and he was lost in her bare skin.

"Excuse ME!" a voice said loudly and Damon's eyes shot open. It was too bright…too fluorescent. They were in the almost empty hallway now, partially exposed. Panic set in as he set Elena down and pulled her shirt back around her shoulders, covering her back. She hid her face against his bare chest. Her eyes scanned over the scratches and marks she'd left on him in moment's time and she couldn't help but smile for a second.

She'd always known they could get caught. It was part of the thrill, after all. But she wasn't sure she was prepared to explain if they ever _did_ get caught.

"Mr. Saltzman," Damon cleared his throat. He looked at the clock ticking on the wall. They had one minute. One minute before that bell would ring and classes would let out. Kids would be rushing through the halls and they'd be there, naked. It was supposed to be a secret…now they were screwed… "I…"

"You have thirty seconds to go in the bathroom, _separately_, and get your clothes on. You will _not_ be going to your next class….I want to see your faces in my office immediately following," he gritted his teeth. Damon's hand stroked over the back of her head quickly, hiding her face. There was still a chance he'd let her off easily…

"Miss Gilbert," he said with a sort of crazy soft authority in his voice. "I know it's you…." She nodded. Her head was still against Damon.

"Go…" he said seriously. "Just….just go…." He pointed. He watched them scatter and muttered "unbelievable."

They made it to the bathroom in time. No one else had seen. But when they reappeared to Alaric Saltzman moments later, it felt like the whole world knew. They sat side by side as he stared in disappointment from behind his large oak desk.

"What were you thinking?" He cleared his throat. "Do you have any idea…" he scrunched up his nose, "_Really_? In the janitor's closet? At _school_? Come on guys…" Elena's head fell into her hands. She was not an exhibitionist, but Damon made her want to do crazy things.

They were lucky _he_ was the one to find them. Damon's guidance counselor had become almost a friend over the last year. Things with has Dad had gotten worse and Damon needed someone to talk to. Alaric didn't make him feel like a kid…

"I'm sorry, Ric," he frowned, leaning forward in his seat.

"Mr. Saltzman. Right now, I'm Mr. Saltzman and you two are completely out of line. I didn't even know you two were…"

"No one does," Elena managed out. "Please, don't say anything."

Alaric sighed. "Elena…I know that you're both 18 and all that…but this is a school. This is not your bedroom. I can't tell you what to do at home but you may _not_ do this here. Do you even know what would've happened if someone else had found you?" He put his head in his hands. "You skipped class so you could…!" he trailed off. He slammed his fist on the desk. "You're putting me in a bad position here. I'm the cool guy, I get it…but I'm _still_ an authority figure, here…"

"Then do what you have to," Damon said seriously. "Go ahead." Elena shot him a worried glance and he shrugged. He knew Alaric better than she did. He knew he'd go easy on them.

"What, Elena? They're going to find out soon enough," he explained, touching her cheek. But she just closed her eyes and moved her head away.

"Not like _this_," she whispered. "This is mortifying! I'm supposed to be the good girl. And my Dad will kill you. Seriously…you _will_ be dead, Damon…"

Damon smiled and shook his head, imagining John's reaction.

"Look, I get it, okay? You're young. You're in love…but please be in love somewhere _else_ from now on. You're getting detention," he said calmly. "One week's worth of detention."

"So you won't say anything to…" Damon smiled.

"You _skipped classes_…you earned detention. Tell your parents that…it's bad enough." He stared at them seriously and opened the door for them to leave his office. His eyes told them they were lucky. "And don't screw this up. I need my job."

When the door clicked closed, Damon tipped his head backwards against the cold, white walls of the hallway. His head turned to see her laughing.

"We were almost in serious trouble. Almost," her eyes flashed in wickedness.

"It's what we do," he smiled. "We cause trouble together. You're a wildcat, Lena." he said smiling. "I like it."

"No…" she let her fingers walk up his chest quickly before rubbing his lower lip. "You _love_ it," she whispered back.

"I just love _you_," he said, smiling. "Now, it's time to be on our best behavior. See you in detention _Le_na," he emphasized her name and waggled his eyebrows.

* * *

><p>Damon's eyes widened as Elena at her breakfast on the counter of their bookstore. "Ugh, <em>baby<em>..." he frowned. "Teriyaki beef jerky in peanut butter? That is not breakfast, that's just freaky."

"Deliciously freaky," she smiled, biting into it. "Come on, try it," she walked around to the other side of the counter and held it by his face. He jerked his head backward. The smell was enough to do him in.

"No thanks," he waved his hand. "You two enjoy," he winked, pointing to the baby.

"Oh come on, try it!" she tickled his side with her free hand. "You don't know what you're missing..." She bit into it.

"You eat some of the most batshit crazy food I have ever seen right now," he said seriously. "If this store fails we should turn this place into a weird food craving restaurant, because..." he furrowed his brow.

"So you're admitting some of it looks appealing?" She held it out. "Would I lead you astray?" She batted her eyelashes.

He sighed. "Fine. I will try this one time. One time. But bring the garbage can over because you might see it again in a minute," he pointed to the can behind the counter.

He took a bite and thought it over. It wasn't...terrible...

"Okay, I'm not going to throw up. But I long for the days when you just want pancakes again," he admitted. "Is this craving thing just going to go away after the baby is born?"

But Elena ignored his comment when her eyes caught on a box on the floor behind the counter. She lifted it and carried it over to one of the bookcases. It rested on her stomach now, as most things did these days. She was 18 weeks and her nausea had subsided considerably. The baby was growing nicely, the doctor said. Her stomach stretched and grew to accommodate, but her insecurities about her body were fading now. The baby had always been real, but now she could _feel_ it. She wasn't sure at first, but now she was certain. Flutters turned into kicks, and Elena found herself stopping throughout the day, waiting to feel the next one.

"The books I ordered are here," she smiled, touching her stomach. "I'm excited."

"She's at it again, isn't she?" He smiled when Elena nodded sweetly. He ran over to her and put his hand on her round stomach. He waited for a moment but felt nothing. The usual disappointment spread across his face when he felt nothing.

"It's okay," Elena touched his hand, smiling encouragingly. She'd been feeling the kicks for almost two weeks and he'd never felt it. "It's random, really. It's not like the baby doesn't want you to feel it, Damon…"

"I know," he shook his head, trying to wave off the obvious fact that it bothered him. It was written all over his face. He exhaled. "But do you think she feels me?"

She nodded. "Of course the baby feels you there, somehow," she said gently.

She hadn't bothered to correct him on unknown the gender of their baby anymore. He was so convinced it was a girl. When she'd mentioned it the first time he'd responded sadly, "It's better than saying _it_."

He was a serious Daddy. She wanted to hang onto how it felt…excitement of the unknown was amazing when she got to share it with him…

"Maybe I'm doing something wrong," he frowned. "You said she's been able to hear for weeks. She should _know_ my voice by now, Elena. But I haven't been around. I've been so busy…"

"Stop this silliness now," she arched an eyebrow. "You have too much going on to be worrying about this. The baby knows you, okay?" She smiled. "Maybe she just wants you to relax a little…maybe she senses you're stressed."

"You think?" He sighed, staring at her stomach. She had a point, he knew.

"Yes. I think," she touched his cheek. She sighed and opened the box on the counter. "Check these out! I did some research and picked out books of other authors from Virginia…people we legitimately have a shot at bringing in for a reading or signing," she handed him a few. "I could call a few later, maybe."

"You're a charmer, you know," he said honestly. "You're good with this. You have people skills."

"Really? I would've thought the opposite," she laughed. "Like I said, you're the wordsmith."

"I can write, but when it comes to actually winning people over, that's all you. I have to work hard at it, but you flash your pretty eyes and they're sunk, Lena. And I don't blame them…" he squeezed her hand and continued,

"I've always been sort of in the shadows. Even with my book. It did okay…but Kat is the one who actually fueled all of that. I was happy to write it…happy to publish it…but Kat handled most of it…" he sighed and his sad face turned up into a smile. "But I can't wait to hear what else you've come up with. We should sit down and figure this all out…" His eyes went up to the clock. It was 6:30 a.m. The store would be open in an hour and a half.

Guilt crept up into Elena's stomach now. She'd kept it to herself for too long. She'd told herself things were too crazy with Elijah's amnesia to stir up more trouble. But she couldn't avoid it anymore. He'd just talked about Katherine and his book…this was the perfect time to bring up her idea…

"Meet me at the beanbags," she tipped her head toward the corner, motioning to their familiar space. Big things always happened there…

"This sounds serious," he teased but his smile faded when she didn't laugh.

She lowered herself down carefully and Damon smiled at her insistence. He dare not tell her 'no.' In another month or two, there was no way she was getting back up on her own. She pulled out her phone and scrolled to a bookmarked page on her browser.

"I've been working on something for a while," she breathed. "You may not think so at first, but it's a really great idea, Damon."

"I'm sure it is," he listened. "Most of yours are," he winked.

"Ugh…" she closed her eyes. "Hold off on the sweet comments until you hear what I have to say, please," she requested. He was making this so much more difficult than if she'd just come out with it.

"I feel like I need a disclaimer here," she sighed. "I need to preface this with, 'I didn't want to keep this from you, but…'" His face turned down into a gradual frown and his eyebrows knit together in concern.

"Okay, I'm thinking up all kinds of crazy ideas here, so please, just tell me now."

"I think we should have Katherine come in and do a joint signing with you," the words rushed out of her mouth. Once her sentence was out, she held her breath, waiting…

He stared at her in a frown. He was absolutely flabbergasted. This wasn't even an option. There was no way in _hell_ he was bringing that woman into their store. He didn't need her help. He didn't want her help. He wanted nothing to do with her. There was nothing but poison and pain between them. His brain knew what he wanted to say, but his lips couldn't form the words. He was in shock. Elena shouldn't even want Katherine there. Nothing worked out when those two shared the same air…

"Okay, you're really pale right now. Are you breathing?" her eyes widened. "Damon..." but he said nothing. He simply stared at her like she was absolutely nuts. "I need you to say something. Please…" she scrunched her eyebrows downward.

He shook his head angrily. "No," he laughed crazily, bitterly. "No."

"No…as in?" she fished for answers.

"No, as in, that woman is _not_ welcome here," he stood up and paced in front of the beanbags. "How can you even suggest something this ridiculous?"

She pushed her hands down on the mushy chair, trying to get herself quickly. Her arms went out to steady him in place. "This is exactly why I was afraid to tell you," she swallowed. "Because I knew this is how you'd react. You're overworked and overtired and…"

"But you did anyway," he frowned, cutting her off. Tension tightened his shoulders…

"Because I'm not going to lie to you, and this is a _good_ idea," the words punched out of her mouth and he shook his head in anger. He didn't say a word, but his feelings were written all over his beautiful face. He closed his eyes.

"Please stop," she fought the tears off. "I don't want to argue about this. Stay with me here. _Look_ at me, Damon…"

He exhaled and reopened his eyes, waiting for her to finish. His fists were balled.

"I have my reasons. I've done research, Damon. Do you know what she's been up to since you two stopped talking?" She was gentle now. Neither one of them needed any more stress in their lives. It would be ridiculous to think Katherine wouldn't bring at least a little stress, but the benefits would outweigh the minor setbacks, she believed.

"She's drawn for more kid's books. Her work has been at the Metropolitan Museum of Art," she wasn't saying these things as a compliment. Katherine was anything but admirable on the personal level…but when it came to business, she had it down. She was the 'it girl'.

She saw a flash of surprise shoot through his eyes and she continued, "But you were her first book…" a brilliant smile crossed her lips. "She got her start with you. Do you see where I'm going with this? Every big name, every well-known person has a backstory. Your book is hers."

"You're thinking like a businesswoman here," he frowned.

"Isn't that what I should be doing?" she breathed.

"Right now I need you to think of how this makes me feel, Elena. Think of it as if you were my wi…" he broke off. This was not the time to accidentally call her that. "Just think of how it makes me feel…" His eyes looked sad, confused.

He wasn't sure if she didn't hear his almost flub or if she'd chosen to ignore it for the better. But her eyes filled with a momentary fire. She was desperate to get him to understand…

"I _have_," she smiled sadly. "And I know this can't be easy for you. I know that it's personal…"

"Easy? Elena…I never wanted to see that woman again and she's already been in here once! We hurt each other, a _lot_…" He huffed. "Now you're suggesting she help us? I do _not_ want her help!" he walked to the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry to say this, but we need help. Everybody _needs_ help sometimes," she said seriously. "I did…" her voice broke.

"Not from her. She made me feel like a fool. She made me feel _guilty_ about something I worked hard on for years. That book meant something to me and she called it stupid."

"I don't understand," she shook her head. "That was her book too," she frowned.

"You'd _think_ that, wouldn't you? But it didn't have any meaning to her beyond the fact that it got her name out there," he shook his head. "And I see it _did_ get her name out there. It was her first project, yes…but Katherine isn't sentimental like that, Elena. She loved me…she said she did…but she didn't love that part of me…"

"I don't know much about her," she frowned, "aside from the fact that I'm public enemy number one in her eyes."

"Trust me. It's probably better that you're in the dark about her regarding some things," he leaned against the counter. "She handled the business side of everything," he started. "My book was published…it did okay…but it wasn't some huge international success. It wasn't even a national success," he frowned.

"Well it _should_ be," she walked up to him. "That is a damn good book and you deserve more recognition for it." She felt genuinely bad about it. She'd done so much research about Katherine but hadn't taken any time to actually read up on the book's sales. "Aren't you _angry_ about that?"

"It was personal growth for me. It started out as just a way to get out my hurt," he took her hands in his. "I felt like I was with you when I wrote," he smiled. His anger wasn't toward her, she knew. He was frustrated with the entire situation. He had a right to be upset with her suggestion; even she thought she was out of her mind for it. But as he explained his deepest fears about his book, she found greater reason to feel good about her suggestion. He deserved the world and more for what he'd done. "Yes, I published it because I wanted to share it with people. I love sharing it with the kids here," he swallowed. "But I never let the fact that it didn't hit bestselling charts change what it meant to me."

"But that is _your_ book," she smiled. "Be proud of it. No matter how it started out…you _finished_ it. You accomplished that. No one can take that away from you. Not Katherine, not book critics…"

"If Katherine comes here to do a signing, people _won't_ be coming because they recognize her work from The Little Red Dragon. It may have put her name on bookshelves, but she's done more than just that to get herself out there. I haven't done anything,"

"Then we're going to change that," she smiled. "Let's ask her to come here. It's a good opportunity for her, too. She'll see that."

"Ugh…" he looked sick. "_Lena_…"

"No, Damon. You should _own_ this. She'd have no fame if you didn't write that story. You gave her that. Don't you dare let her take that from you," she'd put her whole heart into that, he knew. His frown worked into a grin when he saw the passion in her eyes.

"You are so _sexy_ when you're determined," he smirked, but she was too worked up to take a compliment.

"Don't you see why I'm doing this? Yes, our business is rocky. But suddenly this has turned into more than that," she swallowed. "I will not sit here idly while that woman takes all the credit for everything. You say she took care of all the publishing details? Do you think it's possible she discredited you? Do you think she lied about anything?"

"I don't know…I just signed the papers…at that point I needed to be done with it to keep her…."

"Ugh, Damon…." She shook her head, her voice groaning in aggravation.

"Well, we were going to get married… She was better with business than I was so I let her do all the work on it. She had a degree. I didn't. I didn't think I was smart enough with all of that, and I didn't think I had a reason not to trust her with it," he bit out. "She got it published. I'll give her credit for that. But I should've been more proactive. I got my royalties and all that…but once it was published it was done. I didn't try to do anything else for it because she made me feel like I'd be stupid to…" he swallowed. "I could've forced myself out there. I could've tried to promote my stuff at libraries or talked to the publisher about working out signings…I would've paid money to set that stuff up…"

It was spilling out now…all of it…

"But the second I changed the ending she closed off. She was angry with me. She claimed it was just a book, but she nearly bit my head off when I brought it up at dinner or any other time. She changed her drawings and submitted it without another word. I had to choose her or the book, Elena…but in the long run…I chose _neither_," he laughed. "I didn't want her and it was too late for my book, I thought. It felt like I lost….but being back here with you in this place made me happy to share it again…."

"But it isn't too late," she smiled. "We're unique here. This store isn't just a chain bookstore in a big city that people pass by every day without a second glance. It doesn't blend into the background like those other stores. We own this place…you own it: the author of that amazing book. This is an amazing opportunity…" she was full of ideas. It was hard for him to deny that she was amazing at this. "But I don't have to tell you that because you already know it. _You_ came up with the idea to make this store just for kids. You were so excited about it, Damon."

"And now it's tanking," he said seriously. "My ideas weren't good enough…"

She shook her head seriously. "So we hit a rough patch," she smiled sadly and reached out to touch his face. "And you're just _tired_, honey," she paused, giving the words a moment to sink in before she continued,

"I know I'm annoying you with this because I keep saying it. It's okay to be tired. But I'm afraid you're working so much that this isn't fun for you anymore." She saw tears forming in his eyes and it startled her. He tried to be so tough but he was falling apart. "You can only be _so_ brave, Damon. You can only do so much. What can I do to really convince you that you don't have to do this alone?"

She was right. She said everything he needed to hear. She _always_ did. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the line she'd figured him out. She was practically in his head. His fears and doubts were obvious to her but she didn't point them out. She supported him…she let him know she understood his feelings but she didn't make him feel guilty about it. She wanted to _help_ him figure it out. He'd relive that moment every day; he'd fall in love with her for a new reason every single day.

"I love you," he smiled. "I love that you do this to me."

"Make you cry?" She smiled sweetly and winked. She knew he was on the upswing now. She'd seen the shift in his blue eyes.

"You figure things out inside of my head that even I didn't understand or know. How do you do it?" He asked in wonderment.

"It's simple. I love you," she smiled. "And while you're here working your ass off every day, I'm sitting at home thinking about how you must feel. You feel pressured, I think. You carry the world on your shoulders, and that's amazing…but sweetheart…"

"I'm the _father_," his voice shook, but he willed his tears to dry up. "This is my family, Elena. I need to take care of you. It's not because you aren't able to. It's because I want to. I need to. This is my role. This store is just a means to support you."

"It doesn't have to be. You _can_ have a little of everything. But you won't if you burn out…and _I'm_ not going anywhere, so stop worrying about doing everything to hang onto me. I'm _yours_." She nodded.

She was right again. He did take everything upon himself. Surely something would get less attention one day. And if he had to choose, he knew in an instant what it would be.

"I'm not failing _us_. I am not losing every dime we have on this place. We need that money for our family, Elena," her eyes widened at his reaction. She was absolutely shocked. "We'll sell the store if we have to…" he said quickly, slamming his hand down on the counter.

"What?" her mouth fell open in shock. She didn't expect that to ever come out of his mouth. He didn't give up on things so easily. But he was _tired_…so tired…

He hadn't even seen his passion slipping away. What had once been a dream had simply turned into work…a place that took him _away_ from Elena; a place that didn't make him feel good about himself because he only saw red…

"I don't think you mean that," she shook her head. "Is that what you really want?" The thought of giving up the store, a symbol of their childhood, terrified her. But He was more important to her than it would ever be. It may have brought them together, but it sure as hell wasn't going to tear them apart again….

"If that's what it takes… then I'm with you on your decision," she offered up when he said nothing. Tears filled her eyes. "But I think this place means more to you than you can remember right now. When this is all over…when our baby is born and you hold _her_," she winked, "you'll wish you could bring her here and read to her. You can put in fewer hours and still do a good job. Hire someone. Be here _less_…it's _okay_ to spend some of our money if it means you'll be happier." She sighed, but worked up the courage to continue,

"Putting in less time doesn't mean you care any less about this place. If you're here 14 hours or 8 hours a day, every single minute of time will be worth it to know that it'll be hers someday, right? Everything our parents did with this place was for us. We always knew it would be ours." She smiled. "You're not afraid because you think you're doing a bad job here, Damon," she paused, "You're afraid because you think our baby won't get this chance…aren't you?"

"Yes," he admitted, exhaling. She hit it right on the head again. He hadn't been able to narrow down his biggest fear, but it was out of her lips and obvious in a moment's time. "My family will always come first. _You_ two will _always_ come first," he swallowed. "That's something our parents got wrong. We're going to do it right."

"I think we already are," she squeezed his hand.

"I want to keep this place, but you're right. I don't love it right now…not like I did. Something's got to give, Elena, or I _will_ really consider selling it. And the second it starts to come between you and me…it's gone." He snapped his fingers. "Not another thought."

She nodded, afraid to ask what he was really saying. Was the Katherine topic just out of the question now? He'd been so vulnerable with her and she hated to ruin it their connection.

"And you're right, I can't do it all," he sighed, "As much as I'd like to think I can, I can understand why my father came home from work crabby most days. I need your help," he paused. "You're _good_ at this…." He squeezed his eyes closed. "I love you, and I know you have our best interests in mind when you suggest Katherine…"

"I do, but I get your hesitation. If you really don't want to, I respect it. We'll find another way. I just want you to be happy. I think you deserve so much more than what you've gotten out of that whole situation."

"Do you really think you could work that out? Do you really think if she came we could make a big enough event out of it? People would see me…I'm not that public of a person, especially with this…"

"You gave that amazing speech at the dinner. You went to that city council meeting. You are a strong, handsome man. People respect you, Damon…"

"But none of that was from my heart," he smiled. "The store is important, but that book is an emotional piece of my life. Can I face that? They may want to know the history of it, how I got the inspiration…If this gets big, can I face that all again? Can I face that _pain_ again?"

"I'm your dragon, right?" She kissed him on the forehead. "You wrote that ending before it ever seemed possible that it could come true. But you were right; I _did_ come home. And I'm here, by your side. I'm not leaving again. I love you," she whispered. "There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing to beat or overcome anymore…you can face it because you know the ending. We're living proof of our favorite fairytale,"

He blinked back the tears that threated to fall again. Every day she meant more and more to him…if that was even possible. For years he'd had to be brave and strong without her, but he'd never let her go completely. She'd been like a security blanket to him so long ago. He got older, and he didn't think he should still want that comfort, need that comfort…but he couldn't help it. He just _did_. And as an adult he could see why. She'd never gone away, not really. She'd just been tucked away for a while, waiting for him to realize it was okay to need something to badly again….

He needed her that way. He needed her in ways he didn't even know yet…

"And you said you aren't good with words," he pulled her into his arms. She tipped her head up to look into his eyes as he held her. "But I love you so much that somehow it all ends up making sense in the end." He paused. "So…okay."

"Okay? So you want to do this? You want to try to get yourself out there? This could do so many things for us. Maybe one day you'll have time to write another book."

"We'll _ask_ her," he said simply. "But you have to remember…you and I are the last people on the face of the earth she'd ever want to help. The odds of her agreeing…"

"She showed up here a few months ago of her own accord," she reminded him. "That had nothing to do with her success as an artist. She was checking _up_ on you…" She frowned.

"Pft," he waved his hand. "No she wasn't. She doesn't care. She wanted to throw my shit at me and rub her little 'I told you so' in my face. But that's okay. She can rub it in as much as she wants. She's only hurting herself there. I knew she was right that I still wanted you, it's not a shock. But I have to admit…I don't think I really want to be the one to call her about this…."

"I don't expect you to," her words were gentle. "I can call. She already hates me; I don't think I could do much else to make it worse. And if she doesn't agree, we'll figure something else out. I have a whole boxful of books from people who'd probably kill to do a signing at a place like this. Come on, Damon, let's _do_ this. Let's get this fire going…let's start some trouble…it's what we do, right?"

He smiled, thinking back to easier times….

"I know we need to get going on this, but can we at least wait to set it up until after the ultrasound?" he requested. "I just want to be able to clear my head for a bit before it gets all nasty and hazy in there again. I want to be carefree when I see how much she's grown. It'll be an amazing reminder of why I can make sacrifices like this and be okay with them."

"Four days," she smiled. "And then we can start picking out names if you want," she held up a baby naming book. "Start decorating the nursery…"

"That all sounds amazing…but can I ask you something without you getting angry or feeling like I'm pushing you?" She nodded. She knew what was coming. "We've spent the last five weeks together in your bed, every night. My apartment has just become a place to keep my crap, basically. I don't think any of the food in the fridge is even any good anymore," he laughed. "I don't even ask you if it's okay to sleep over anymore…I just end up in your bed, eating your food…"

"Oh, Damon," she rolled her eyes. "As if I mind! I want you there with me! You keep me warm at night…"

"Then let's stop pretending and make it real," he pled. "I don't want to go back to my apartment. My place doesn't even feel like home anymore. It's empty and lonely because you're not there…" he slid some books onto a shelf. "You asked what you can do to help me, so I need to be honest with you about what I want."

"Of course. I want you to be honest, always."

"Do you know that I can't even come up with a word to describe what you are to me? You're not my girlfriend, and we're not even _going_ the baby mama route," he laughed. "But I _do_ know what I want you to be someday…" his voice went uneven now. "Is it silly of me to want to take these little steps to get there?"

"No. You're not forcing me into anything. I'm already in this, I'm already there. We'll decorate the baby's nursery in _our_ home. I want you to move in with me. And before you start up again, I'm not just doing you a favor. I want it, too. Let's really start out lives together…"

"Good," he looked at his watch and frowned. It was almost time to open.

"But let's wait until after the ultrasound to do all that, too. For now, you can just keep doing what you're doing. Keep coming over…" they hadn't had sex yet…not since that crazy night after the burial. It would happen, he knew…when it was right. For now, he showed her his love in so many other ways.

"I just remembered something," he flipped to the front of his book and looked at the publishing notes. "Kat went through a relatively small, new publishing company for this. She knew someone from college who worked there…Sage, I think it was. She had an in…who knows what she did to get this out there? I don't know much about what the company has done since…but I bet you're right…I bet this would be golden now that Kat's hit it so big…"

"Stay positive," she smiled. "That's my Damon. Now, we open in an hour. How about we take a quick snooze on the beanbags?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"_Snooze,_ or…"

"Oh, I meant sleeping, for sure," she laughed. "It's not easy getting up at the crack of dawn but my body just doesn't let me sleep in anymore. It's awful."

"You do roll around a lot," he considered.

"Yeah well," she shrugged. "You might like that eventually," she smiled suggestively.

"You kill me. You know that, right?" She took his hand and led him to the beanbags. The fell asleep quickly, soundly in each other's arms. There was something comforting about those chairs…even if they were so low to the ground….

* * *

><p>He startled awake when he heard the alarm on his phone sounding. "I'm up," he mumbled as he fiddled with it to turn it off. They had 10 minutes to collect themselves before they had to unlock the doors. He was never too concerned; customers rarely came in during the first hour of business…<p>

"Morning again," he whispered to the baby. He leaned into kiss her stomach and put his hand out for a moment. He was just about to move it when it happened. A kick….then another one. His eyes widened as the widest grin she'd ever seen spread across his face. She put her hand onto of his and moved it to another area so he could feel it again. He was speechless as he stared at her bare skin. He pressed his forehead against her stomach and enjoyed the moment. And when he looked up at her in silence after a moment, all she could see in his eyes was absolute wonderment…

"Oh my God," he laughed. "This is… hey, what are you doing in there?" He smiled.

"She's telling you she loves you," she looked into his watery eyes for the second time today. But these weren't tears of exhaustion or worry. These were tears of a man who'd just felt movement of a life he'd created. They were tears of joy, of pride. There was _nothing_ like this in the world. He was sure of it. He'd never feel this way again, he thought.

But he'd shed thousands of tears for his baby over the years. Happy tears, sad tears…tears of a father who really understood what was important in life. This was _just_ the beginning of the wave of emotions that would overcome his soul….

"See, Daddy? She's telling you to stop worrying. The minute you relaxed, the baby knew. There's already a connection," she smiled. "_She_," she smiled, "or he…the baby worries about you too. Maybe it's silly to think that but I believe it. So, do us all a favor and chill out with work, okay? We need to find more time for moments like this."

But Damon heard nothing. He just moved his hand on her stomach, craving the tiny movements. "You're strong in there," he sighed. "Salvatore's are strong so I never doubted it for a second."

He was just so sweet. "Listen, Daddy has to open up the store now," he explained. "Someday, if this goes right, this will all be yours," he said and Elena breathed a sigh of relief. Something as amazing as feeling the baby move had given him a wave of hope. "But thank you for telling me you love me," and he looked up into Elena's tear-filled eyes, "and you, too. Thank you for loving me, for doing this…It makes it all a bit easier to remember why I'm here."

And it was all he needed to give him purpose again. He was filled with new life in a heartbeat…just like _that_. He could breathe a sigh of relief now. His baby loved him, Elena loved him, and soon, kids and parents around the world would know his name. He was Damon Salvatore, the author of a once underappreciated children's book…

But at the end of the day he could forget all that. He didn't have to remember his fears about Katherine's return or about their business…

He'd tuck himself under the covers of her soft bed, pull Elena into his arms, and remember who he really was. He was just Damon; a friend and a lover and a father. His entire life had led up to this moment…when he could close his eyes and feel like the world _wasn't _on his shoulders….it was sleeping in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Can I just say I love vacation? I am really going to miss having this amount of time to sit down and write. It has been wonderful! **

**I'm curious to hear what you think Katherine will bring to the table if she does agree to help them. Her intentions have been fuzzy to us; we've seen her only from Damon's POV. There's a good chance there's more to this story than we know….**

**We'll find out more about Elijah in coming chapters. I needed this one to reach other to other topics, but keep it in the back of your mind, as always. People tend to reappear in my stories! It's not always this way, but I tend to only introduce characters in the past that will have some sort of role in the future. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! I've got so many more fun moments for them to share and I look forward to bringing them to you along the way!**


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: This was a crazy chapter to write! I've been so excited to write the ultrasound chapter because it's time we finally learn the sex of the baby. It moves the story along to a nice place. But there are a few surprises in here that I'm pretty sure no one saw coming. **

**It's another chapter with big waves of emotions for them. Please bear with Damon. I promise his somewhat wussy days are almost over. He needs to conquer his final demons in the next few chapters in order to really be the man and father he wants to be. He has good reason to crack. The clouds will clear and we'll finally understand his biggest insecurities about Elena and their baby. Super excited about this, oddly enough!**

**And the ending…I've been joking that a few of you will slap me for it, but I'm just kidding. It's totally worth it in the long run! Damon is just too damn sweet sometimes. He misses out for it ;-) **

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 21**

Elena sat on the edge of the examination table, bumping her heels into the metal side in a nervous rhythm. She felt cold and jittery as she gripped the sides of the padding below her. Her eyes caught on Damon across the room. He looked giddy and wide-eyed as he stared at the blank monitor. In a matter of minutes, it would light up with the most beautiful image they'd ever seen...

This moment wasn't supposed to feel so heavy. It was monumental; of course it was. The last time they'd seen the baby it had been but a blip on a radar, a tiny, peanut sized shape without a recognizable face. This moment had danced through her mind thousands of times. She'd imagined the swell of her heart when she saw it's tiny toes and hands and fingers for the first time.

She'd thought about the big moments once it was born, too. She could almost feel her baby's warm hand wrapping around her finger and looking up at her in awe. She'd become the smartest, most amazing woman in the world to that little girl. It was a lot to live up to...to teach someone so small how to live in a world so big.

They had been beautiful images, void of fear. Never once had she thought her stomach would feel like _this_ as she waited...weak and twisted and sick...

Minutes had passed as they waited for the nurse to come back in and start the ultrasound.

"How're you doing?" He whispered from a chair across the room. The lighting was low, but he could see that her face was tight and anxious. "Ready to see her?" He grinned widely.

And there it was again...the _reason_ she felt so heavy. She was horrified he'd be heartbroken if it turned out they weren't getting their little princess, after all...

"I need to say something," her fingers rapped on the edge of the table now. His eyes shifted from the sound on the metal up to her eyes. "I've been worried about this all along, but now it's just so real…I haven't exactly discouraged you from getting so excited about a baby girl. I've gone along with it because I was afraid to say anything to upset you. You've been so stressed. But honestly, Damon... I'm worried you're going to be devastated if it turns out we're having a boy…" she frowned.

She wasn't supposed to be worried about anything _but_ the health of their baby, he knew. But once again, there she was, worried about him. He shook his head quickly, dismissing her concerns. He was tired of doing this to her, time and time again.

"Devastated? Elena, no…" he breathed. "I know I've gotten a little carried away lately…."

"Damon, you were reading a princess book to it last night. You can't force this baby to be a girl if it isn't…"

"Hey, boys can learn a thing or two from stories like that," he smiled. "Like how to be a gentleman and how to treat a lady. Books are books. Some are for fun and some teach lessons. You, if anyone, should know that," he sighed. "A Salvatore boy is just fine by me. He'd be my little buddy, for sure…and if I remember correctly, you seemed to be crossing your fingers to paint the nursery blue…"

"I'm happy with whatever we're given," she swallowed. Her throat was tight and dry with nerves.

"Me too, honestly." He walked over to the table and rested his hand on her back. "A healthy baby boy or girl is all I ask for. I just love the idea of a baby girl because..."

The door clicked open slowly and a nurse walked in smiling. "Okay, are we ready?"

Elena inhaled deeply and nodded. Damon kissed her forehead and took his seat back next to her, facing the screen again. Things were happening fast now; the cold jelly was spreading across her stomach and the machine was pressing into her skin.

He stopped breathing for a moment when the tiny body appeared. He scooted to the edge of his seat and stared in wonder. Time froze for those moments; everything was gone, faded…except that screen and Elena. He was sure the nurse was saying something, probably using medical terms he didn't understand. But when his eyes flicked over to Elena, he saw a look he'd never seen before. A breathtaking smile graced her lips, and tiny tears streamed freely down her cheeks. He stood up and walked back over by her as she lie back on the table. Her hand was dangling off the side, but he quickly caught her cold fingers in his and squeezed them reassuringly.

"Our baby is beautiful," her words came out as a deep sigh and a fallen tear soaked into the thin paper on the table. "Better than I even pictured…" they marveled at the movement…the way it flipped around quickly and moved its limbs. It was nice to put an image to tiny hands and feet she'd been feeling press inside her stomach for weeks.

"We need to do some quick measurements of the organs," the nurse explained. Damon nodded, but was quick to ask if everything seemed normal.

Four chambers of the heart, ten fingers and toes…two halves of a brain… all the makings of a healthy baby Salvatore were revealed to them within the hour. It was happening...

"Are you interested in knowing the sex of the baby?" The nurse looked from mother to father, and her lips turned upward as they both nodded eagerly. Elena's hands went from cold to clammy at her words. Now all she could do was stare at _him_ again, as she waited for the news.

"Based on this…I'd say you'll be buying a lot of….pink. I'm about 98% sure you're having a girl," Damon's eyes lit up and his free hand fell down his face from his forehead to his lips. Absolute amazement shot through him. He was _right_. He was right….

It was frightening how much love he felt for something so small. It happened quickly, this new sense of pride and attachment. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his little girl. Although she was skeletal now, he could imagine her grown, in his arms. He was almost shaking as he watched Elena's quickened breathing. She was overcome with emotions, he knew. He knew many mothers and fathers; he'd heard stories of what it felt like to see your baby for the first time...

But none of them had ever shared that feeling with look on her face spoke volumes. There was simply no other woman in the world meant to be the mother of his child. He supposed he always knew that. And though he couldn't say it in so many words to Katherine, it had been the basis for some of their biggest problems...

As his mind raced with wild, free thoughts, his heart filled with excitement about the life waiting for him. Joy; absolute wonder was around the corner...just months away. His heart could burst from it all...

But suddenly the tides changed and he was blindsided with a completely new wave of emotions...

He'd thought he lost everything when he was so young. It took a minute before he connected it, but then he knew. Now that he'd watched her move, seen her little heart sending blood through her tiny body...nothing in the hurt more than the thought of losing his child... He got it, he got _all_ of it...the things he'd hadn't understood months ago...things he'd held against his father...

He had to tell her. She deserved to know. Maybe then she'd understand why he'd been acting so crazy...

Elena saw it, the shift in his eyes. He was somewhere else, for a minute...somewhere distant and unknown to her. He blinked a few times, trying to shake the new feelings...and it worked, for awhile. He exhaled and smiled back at Elena reassuringly. They should enjoy this moment. They'd waited so long, been through so much. Nothing should ruin it. There was _nothing_ to be afraid of, he told himself; Elena _wasn't_ her...

"Congratulations," the nurse said. "Let me get you two a few pictures." She'd done hundreds of these before, but seeing the joy on the faces of the parents never got old. There was nothing more rewarding than sharing the gift of new life with first time parents.

"Thank you," his voice was okay, again, she saw. But something had been wrong with him...it wasn't just her hormones trying to confuse her this time...

His eyes were blissful again, filled with tears of pride and so much more. She sat up quickly and sighed in relief. The jelly sank into her shirt as if slid back over her stomach. She pulled it away at the feeling and smiled. There were a thousand thoughts running through her head. Her heart was so full it could burst. She'd been to monthly appointments. She'd heard the heartbeat and felt the kicks, but there was _nothing_ as real as seeing her baby moving on that screen. They'd created a miracle. Elena had never felt more like a mother…

She shoved aside her worries and just let herself _be. _There were things she wanted to say to Damon, but she couldn't form words. Nothing she could come up with would really express her happiness. But that was the beauty of being with him…she didn't have to say a word for him to understand just how amazing she felt; he felt it, too.

When she'd wiped her stomach clean and they were alone again, the silence ended. She fell into his arms and savored the fresh feeling of knowing. Everything about this baby made sense, everything was clearer now that they'd seen her. It felt like they really knew her, now. She was really theirs. There had always been the three of them, but now they knew…Damon had his two girls. They had a wonderful future to plan...

"You were right," she said happily. "…a healthy baby girl." Her head rested against his pounding heart. And though his arms were wrapped around her tightly, he was silent still. She pulled back to look up at him and frowned. It was there again, that look of fear in his eyes.

"You haven't said a word," she bit her lip. "What's wrong, Damon?"

"Nothing's wrong…I'm just so…" he smiled. "Seeing her…the life we made…it sent me somewhere that I didn't think it would," his heart rate spiked. He'd looked on cloud nine the entire time, but now he just looked lost. Elena couldn't help but be confused again. "I'm happy...I'm so happy," he paused. "But suddenly I'm scared shitless...more than before..." he stopped, not elaborating anymore just then. "Can we talk at home? There's something so impersonal about this place. Thousands of parents have seen their baby in this room. I just want to go home and enjoy this moment…in a place that's just ours."

"You're kind of scaring me right now," she admitted.

"There's nothing to worry about. There's just a lot going on in my head right now. It's not bad for us…I promise, okay? I just need to tell you something."

"Okay…" she whispered. It wasn't the time to jump to crazy conclusions.

* * *

><p>But when they back to her house, Damon disappeared into his drawer of her dresser. He looked nervous and upset as he searched for something among his rolls of socks. After a few moments, he walked over to her slowly and sat next to her. "Now that we know it's a girl, I'd like to share something with you that I've never shared with anyone…" he unfolded an old, little piece of paper. His hands shook and she steadied them.<p>

Never, in her wildest dreams or nightmares, would she have imagined what she saw… an ultrasound picture. Someone _else's_ ultrasound picture. She swallowed as fear shot through her veins. He said he'd always used protection…there was no way he'd gotten another woman pregnant…

Her heart was pounding at the thought of him creating life with another with someone other than her…but then he spoke and the world exploded…

"I know I have been overprotective of you…." He cleared his throat, but when he started speaking again, his voice was shaking as hard as his hands. "I've been paranoid that something's going to happen to either you or the baby this entire time," he handed her the ultrasound picture slowly. "I've been driving you crazy, I know..."

"I was supposed to have a sister, Elena," the words came out quickly, dryly, and Elena's eyes widened in shock as he continued. "I found this picture in my Dad's things after he died."

The image wasn't clear to her, at first. Her eyes couldn't focus on it...not after the terrifying thought shot into her brain...

"When…was it my Mom and your Dad's baby…I..." she could barely breathe. She felt sick. Were they supposed to share a half-sibling? So much would be different now...

"No," he whispered quickly, "No, it wasn't _our_ sister. This was my Mom and Dad…a long time ago."

"But when?" she frowned. "I don't remember your mother being pregnant."

"Before I knew you," he said seriously. "Just before Stefan died Mom was pregnant. I didn't remember...I guess. I was little…just six and a half. They weren't really obvious about it. I knew Mom was getting bigger, but…I never associated that with her being pregnant. They were so secretive, and I was so little when she had Stefan. I never connected the two." Elena frowned and her heart clenched in despair. She let him talk, let him purge everything. Some moments weren't meant to be interrupted…

"Then Stefan died," he swallowed. "It was quick…we only knew about his cancer for a month before he died. . I was so little…all I knew was that I lost my brother. I lost my _family_. I was so sad and wrapped up in everything that I didn't even realize what was happening to the rest of my family. It was hard on all of us, but it weighed heavily on Mom…I remember her crying every night for months. Then one night my Dad said I had to go to my Aunt's house overnight. I thought he and Mom just had errands to run…but now it makes so makes so much sense. Mom was doubled over in pain just before I left. She was screaming…I didn't want to leave her, but Dad told me I had to…he said Mom needed me to be strong and brave." He sat in silence for a few minutes before his head crashed into his hands. "But now I get it…years later, I get it, Elena….when I saw her again...she wasn't so big anymore..." his voice was rough, worn.

"Oh, Damon…." She rubbed the back of his head.

"Mom was under too much stress. She was working too much and when Stefan died, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back, I guess…she miscarried…she miscarried in her sixth month…" he gulped. "And they never had the courage to say it to my face…not even when I was grown. Mom died with that…and Dad had years to tell me, but he never said the words. He hid this picture in his dresser and I had to find it myself after he died."

Elena's eyes scanned over the picture. It read 'SALVATORE GIRL." Then she saw the date. His sister would be 21, she figured. Technology wasn't as reliable, then, she figured. But somehow they must've known...

Everything was falling in line…becoming so clear. All of his insecurities about her pregnancy…the need to protect and preserve what was most precious to him: his family.

"I was angry with him when I found it. I actually felt kind of stupid for not thinking about it much after it happened. I was so stuck on Stefan..." he bit out. "I couldn't understand why Dad would keep that from me. She was my sister, Elena…I already lost a brother for God's sake…and eventually a Mother to the same disease... And then a father…_two_ fathers…" he emphasized. "But now I think I might understand why he wouldn't talk about it…." He exhaled deeply, forcing out hot breath. "I've been a father to this baby since the moment we first thought you were pregnant…even when it was negative I secretly prayed it was wrong…" he pinched his temples. "It's been real this whole time, but now it's…." he stopped.

"You can stop for now, if you want…" she whispered. "It's okay…"

"No," he shook his head. "No, I should've come out with this a long time ago. I shouldn't have kept this from you, I…"

"I'm not angry with you," she assured him. "This isn't easy, I'm sure…and we've had so much going on…" he shook his head, but she stilled his hands. "You're telling me now. I'm listening now and I get it…you don't need to be afraid to tell me anything ever again."

"I hate this…I hate feeling weak and incapable…you shouldn't have to deal with this. We just got through the work drama. Now I'm breaking down about something else. I'm a needy boyfriend now, too."

"You are not. You can tell me everything and more, Damon. I'm not just a girlfriend who is going to think less of you because you have pain in your past. God knows I'd be a hypocrite if I criticized you for that. You said you wanted us to always remember who we were too each other before. So I'm helping you remember. I'm _still_ your best friend."

He nodded strongly. "Thank you," he smiled. "Thank you, Elena." He kissed her forehead. "I need to finish telling you this now. I want you to understand why…"

"Now that I saw her, our baby," he smiled strongly. "I can't imagine losing her. I can't imagine never seeing her again, never getting to hold her. I need to look into her eyes tell her I love her...that she's the world to me. I want to tell her I'll do everything, everyday to protect her." He frowned and continued,

"I can understand why it was hard for my Dad to relive it because if that happened to us…I don't think I'd ever really be okay to talk about it with anyone but you. Dad lost Mom. He lost the only person he shared that with…he lost everything. When Mom died he dried up like a prune. His heart was gone for a long time…until he loved your Mom. I know we don't want to think about that again. We're over it, right?"

She nodded.

"But when I saw the tiniest spark of hope in that man's eyes again, I had to do everything to help him hold onto it. And even though I didn't really know about my mom's pregnancy and the miscarriage and all of that, something inside of me told me there was more going on than I knew. I just figured I was a kid. There are certain things a kid doesn't need to know when they are little…." He took the picture from her and folded it back up. "No use in hanging onto this anymore…she's gone. They all are gone," he breathed. "But _we're_ here. It's our turn now. And I have to remind myself we're different. Yes, I've been afraid this whole time that history was chasing after me. I thought it might catch up with me somehow and repeat itself. Things with us are so good…it almost feels too good to be true sometimes. And when Elijah got hurt...I know how close you two are...all I could think was the stress was going to..."

"It isn't. It _didn't_." she shook her head. "So when I said the chances of miscarriage are low now that I'm through the highest risk point of pregnancy and you didn't really believe me…"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It's because there's always that tiny chance."

"Yes, there is," she sighed."It can happen to anyone at anytime. But we can't let that ruin our joy. You won't let it, right? I saw your eyes when she came up on the screen. Her little nose…it looks just like yours. And her tiny feet…absolutely beautiful, breathtaking the way her little toes looked." She pulled the picture out of her purse. "Just look at her. I know when I look at her, it's enough to heal any pain, any doubt I've ever had about being a mother. She isn't just some random baby...she's ours. She's a Salvatore girl...strong and fearless. I think she's just as excited to meet us as we are to meet her."

"Promise me something," his fingers slipped around her ring finger absentmindedly. He rubbed the spot between her knuckles where he dreamed one day his ring would rest. "If something does happen...it won't ruin us…"

"Promise," she nodded. "I'm sorry, Damon. I'm sorry it happened to your family. We've both lost so much. At times we were hanging by a thread…I'm so glad we realized we loved each other before we really gave up. We were, we _are_ so worth it...all of it... "

"We were always going to happen," he smiled. "Our parents seemed shocked about us back then, but I think they would've been more surprised if we _didn't_ date."

"See, I don't think we fell in love because we were all each other knew," she shook her head. "We might have been given our friendship, but we chose to develop it. Trust me, I didn't date you because I was low on options," she winked. "If I thought you were gross I would've pushed you away the first time you tried to kiss me," she laughed. "I learned what love was because of you. My parents…their love was weak and broken. But somehow, through all of it, I managed to rise above that and love you more," she nodded and paused before she let herself just feel...

"So none of this has ever been about it falling into our laps," she touched his face. "Not our first go around at love, not this one, and not this baby. We've made everything for ourselves. We deserve this…a chance to be happy. I don't know if you're a religious kind of man or what you believe in…but I don't think any power stronger than us would take this away from us…not after how far we've come." She shook her head.

"Do you know why I wanted this baby to be a girl so much?" He smiled.

"Because you wanted the little girl you never knew…you would've been amazing with your sister..." she said softly. "Now I understand…"

"No," he shook his head. "Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind it might have something to do with it, I guess," he shrugged. "But the real reason I wanted a girl is because I want her to be just like you. I want that mini-Elena..." He watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek. They were crying a lot these days.

"Because you're the strongest, most beautiful person I know. I want a baby daughter who will be that too," he continued.

"But I'm…I mean I wasn't good for a really long time…" thoughts of her wild past flashed through her mind, and suddenly she had a moment of understanding, too. She realized what her mother must've felt like when Elena continually pushed her away…when she used her body to hurt her mother…

But she was over it now. She was strong for her baby and for herself.

"We all have our demons. If we're lucky enough to live long and full lives, we'll probably hit a few more bumps in the road. But the fact that we have come so far shows just how strong our love is. Our baby feels that, too, I'm sure. So maybe she wasn't made out of love…but we loved each other when we made her. We just didn't understand how to deal with it. She will always be a symbol of us," he explained, alleviating some of her worry.

"Yes," she smiled. "She will be." She rubbed her stomach. "And by the way, I think her little mouth looks just like yours, too. She's going to be a heartbreaker when she's older. I just know it."

"So you see, I'll always _worry_...but I won't let it take away how much fun this is..." he smiled. "And now that we know she really _is_ a she," he smiled. "We can decorate the nursery. I'm going to let you pick paint colors…I'm not going that route again." He winked and she nudged him playfully.

* * *

><p>Days later, after a long day at the store, she tugged him into the spare room. He hadn't been in there since the week before. He'd been busy arranging to hire a few new employees, but the search had ended quickly. When he saw the face of someone familiar it was done. He just knew. They had always been great together, but he'd never pictured working side-by-side with him one day. He smiled to himself, thinking of the look on Elena's face when she found out.<p>

But he'd save that tidbit for another day...

His eyes brightened at the scene in front of him. The nursery was coming to life, slowly...

"So I haven't painted…I figured you wouldn't let me do that by myself, or be by the fumes, or…" she winked. "But I _did_ buy a few things. I hope you don't mind..." his eyes scanned over the corner to see a big bookshelf filled with colorful books. A stuffed animal net hung from the ceiling in the opposite corner, packed with fuzzy bears and dogs and rabbits. His heart swelled at how tangible this had become. He could touch and feel things that belonged to his daughter now. He could hold something that one day she'd hold… she had personal belongings now. It made it so real…

Elena had simple ways of making everything okay again. A few hours ago he'd hit rock bottom, but now, as his feet carried him to the little 'reading niche' she'd created he could only focus on one thing. A big, bright yellow beanbag rested in the corner and a soft, stuffed red dragon sat in the middle of it. His breath caught in his throat as he plopped down on the chair and lifted the dragon into his lap.

"Damn you're good," he said to Elena, his heart pounding. She really, really was. She knew just what to do, just what to say…every…single…time.

She crawled into the beanbag next to him. "So you like her, huh? The dragon?" she fluffed its tail. A little smile rested on its face; its tail was long.

"She's amazing! But how did you find…she looks so much like…" he watched a smile spread across her lips.

"You see…while you've been doing physical work at the store, I've been doing some behind the scenes work…" he scrunched up his eyebrows and smiled as she continued, "Fortunately my…experiences…while in New York have given me connections. Guess good things come in strange ways sometimes." She sighed before the big reveal. "I know a guy who owns a toy company…"

"Wait, you _made_ this?" he asked loudly, shocked. She nodded quickly."You made my dragon for our little girl…"

"I wanted her to have something that represented us…but there's more to it. It started out as a special gift for her…but then it hit me! It's not _exactly_ your dragon. I know Kat has the rights to her…but it's your book, too. I had them design the dragon to look somewhat like yours would look. I didn't get any special labels or tags or anything like that put on it. It's your book, her drawing…I don't have the rights at _all_…" he stared in shock. "But he said it'd be easy to add, if you agreed to it…if you wanted to launch these in conjunction with the signing and make a brand of your stuff…really get kids into it. It'd be like giving them a piece of the story to take home with them. And maybe, it'd be more than a book to them, too..."

He leaned into her and she fell back into the beanbag. He was on his knees in a second, kissing her wildly, breathlessly. She'd done it again…

"I love you so much…" he smiled, kissing her again. "You are always thinking…."

"I may as well use my connections for some good," she smiled. "And it's just something I wanted to do for our baby. I just had this one sent for now…they haven't manufactured many others. I wanted to make sure you were okay with it, that I wasn't overstepping my boundaries..."

"I'm more than okay with it. You don't have to worry about that," he nodded. "You're really in this, aren't you? You really want my book to get recognition." She nodded.

"I called her, Damon. Katherine. She sounded angry at first. She wondered why the hell I was calling, I'm sure. But she said she'd think about it. That's better than an automatic 'no.' If she doesn't agree to it, we'll still do the signing with you, if you're okay with it. We'll still have an event because we don't _need_ her to save us. It would just help get people in the store. I'm not trying to discredit you by saying that…I don't want you to think that I feel like people won't show just for you…."

"Nothing could kill this feeling right now," he shook his head. "Not even Kat...that _bitch_," he huffed. "I get that I hurt her, but..."

"Let's save that conversation for tomorrow, hm? Too happy to discuss business anymore today." It was getting late...rounding 10 p.m. now. They sat under a bright lamp, their eyes struggling to focus.

"This week has really been amazing," he sighed crawling back up next to her in the beanbag. "I never thought I could talk about the sister I never knew and come out of it feeling amazing. It's cathartic.."

"Like your book," she smiled.

"Exactly," he smiled. "Speaking of…." Suddenly a burst of energy went through him. He rubbed his eyes open and walked over to the bookcase. He slid his hands along the colorful bindings. Some were thick and some were thin. Some were soft and others were cardboard. Black ones, blue ones, purple and yellow…then his index finger found it…the familiar red and white binding of The Little Red Dragon.

* * *

><p>He crept back down in the chair and opened the book. Elena's heart thudded. There was nothing sexier, nothing more amazing than Damon reading their story to their baby girl for the first time. He'd read her at least twenty books since she'd been able to hear, but he'd never read her his. He should have never been made to feel ashamed for a story so beautiful. After all, it wasn't really all fiction. If his story hadn't come true…if it hadn't been real, their baby wouldn't be either…<p>

That day really _was_ a good day...one of the best days…

"_**Long ago in a village, a strong little knight was lonely. Many important people in his life had gone away. He had a hard time making friends…but one day, he met a little red dragon. The dragon was small and kind…and though it tried, it wasn't always brave…" **_he began.

And when he finished the last page he smiled. "You know, it still gets me every time." He sighed. "Still gives me that fuzzy feeling that I had when I first wrote it."

"It should. Books should do that. And even though these people don't know why you wrote it, they'll feel something, too, because it's a great story. Don't ever forget that."

They chatted for a while about simple things. He let her talk paint colors and room themes. She insisted on pink and yellow with baby giraffes and he wasn't about to argue. He didn't care what was on the walls, as long as his baby girl was sleeping safely in that room every night.

"It's probably a good thing we aren't having a boy, though," she said. "We didn't really have any good names that we agreed on."

He nodded, smiling.

"I liked Zane," she sighed. "But I already know your opinion on that one…"

"Zane Salvatore? Not nearly strong enough…" he laughed. "You're right, it's a good thing she's a girl. This could've gotten nasty fast…" he teased.

"But girl names...we've gotten down to two," he held up two fingers.

"So which is it?" Elena asked, rubbing her stomach and feeling the baby kick. "Kick once for Avery or twice for Chloe."

"Actually…" he paused. "I know we've been kind of set on these names for a while now…but I was thinking. Talking about Mom the other day…what would you think about a shortened version of my mom's name? I know it's a lot to ask…you only knew her for a short time. This is our daughter, so I understand if you don't want to..."

"Arianna Salvatore," she smiled. "Your mom's name was beautiful. _She_ was beautiful," he smiled at the memory of the only other woman in his life who'd made him feel so safe. He was certain Elena would be as loving of a mother as his own had once been.

"I'm thinking Aria," he sighed. "It's not exactly it…but it's similar enough to remind me of what she was to me before she left."

"I think I love it," she nodded. "I think it's a great way to remember her."

"You aren't upset that we aren't naming her after someone in your family?"

"No, of course I'm not. I knew your mom well enough in those short years. Everything you've ever told me about her was good. And this is important for you…and healthy. I think it's a pretty name. It may be based on something, but it is still _her _name."

* * *

><p>After awhile he stood up and helped her raise up out of the beanbag chair. He led them to her bedroom and slowly pulled off his clothes for the night.<p>

"I can't wait to move in here," he admitted. "Then it can be our bed, not just yours…"

"It already is _our_ bed," she walked over to him and rubbed his shoulder blades. Her stomach lightly grazed his back and he smiled. "Have I not made that clear to you?"

"Your bed, your rules," he moaned as she squeezed his muscles. "And I'm only allowed to sleep in my underwear, so…"

"I've seen you in the mornings at your apartment. You don't sleep naked. You don't even sleep in your underwear. You were in sweatpants and a t-shirt," she rolled her eyes. "You're just being dramatic so I tell you how much I love it when you sleep like _this_ with me…" her hands went down to his hips. He shivered and she laughed. "Chilly?"

"Nope," he popped the 'p.' "Just doing my best to keep it under control," he grinned and turned around to look at her.

"I never said you couldn't touch me," she raised her eyebrows. "And I never said you couldn't sleep in less than underwear…."'

"Is this an invitation or are you just teasing me? Because see, he," he pointed down, "is hearing a different version of that statement than the rest of me. Help a guy out here, I'm confused."

"I think we both know there's only one way to take that statement," she smiled, sliding down his boxer briefs. She climbed into the bed and he followed, lying next to her. He tugged her soft covers up over them and pressed his hands behind his head, looking to the ceiling.

"Why are you over there? Feeling out of practice?" She wiggled her eyebrows

"Not sure how to answer that," he smirked. "Of course I haven't slept with anyone since you…that much is obvious…but I didn't think I was _that_ bad that night for you to call me out of practice..."

"I'm not even justifying that with an answer," she laughed. "Okay, yes I am. You were really, really good. Like 'holy fuck what's going on?' good. I never felt like that before..." he turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow, arching an eyebrow.

"Really now?" He smiled. "Damn."

"Oh please," she laughed. "You know you're amazing in bed. Four times? Who does that?"

"It hadn't ever been like that for me, either." he laughed. "This is going to creep you out but I'm going to say it anyway. I'd thought of it a thousand times…what it would be like when we finally did…" he looked at her carefully. "But it was better than anything I pictured."

"Imagine _that_ without the angst and grudges," she smiled. "Bliss," her hands snuck under the covers, following the trail…

"Hang on...I'm afraid I'll hurt you, or her," he swallowed.

"You won't, trust me," she smiled. "I've asked the doctor several times."

"Ugh…" his face scrunched up. "Personal..."

"Yes, something like that would scare my OBGYN," she rolled her eyes sarcastically. "If you're too freaked out or turned off because of my stomach…"

"No, no…it's not that," he smiled. "It's just…we're talking too much about this. Way too much…in fact, we _always_ talk too much…" he laughed. "When we make love for the first time I don't want it to be after a conversation about how amazing we are in bed…" he let his finger glide down her face, pushing a little bounce of a curl out of the way. His naked skin was right above hers, not pressing on her stomach but still touching it. Anything could've happened with just the slightest of motions, but it didn't.

"First time," she smiled, shaking her head. "Fifth time honey, _fifth," _she pointed to her stomach, smirking.

"That was needy, desperate sex that was building up for ten years. Like I said before, we loved each other but we weren't on the same page about it at all. We shouldn't have done it like that…do you agree about that now?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"When I make love to you next time, whenever that is, I'll make sure you feel just how much I love you. I'll whisper the words in your ear over and over again. You'll never forget the way it feels..."

His self-control was amazing, she thought. No naked man had ever been on top of her and not caved in eventually…but no one ever cared about her like Damon. She was really lucky, she knew.

"It will be even more amazing because we won't have the insecurities. It won't be rushed or crazy, unless you want it to be. You won't have to beg me because I won't say no..." he whispered. "This time it will be in _our_ bed, in _our_ house, not in some sleazy hotel bed. I'm still not convinced they really wash the sheets as often as they say they do…" he frowned.

"Damon…" she rolled her eyes. He could really go off in strange directions sometimes.

"Sorry," he kissed her quickly on the lips. "I hope you understand what I'm saying though," he smiled. "It's taking a lot of willpower to _not_ just roll you on top of me right now and say fuck it. Literally…" he wiggled the eyebrows again and she lightly pushed up on his shoulders, playfully shoving him off her. She propped herself up on her side next to him.

"You really do believe in all that gentleman shit, don't you?" She smiled, remembering how he'd read the Disney book to their baby. She touched his hair, flattening it from its ruffled state.

"I don't think it's _shit_, but…" he laughed.

"You know what I mean," she smiled. "You are really sweet. You are really honorable. You could've had me in a heartbeat but you want it to be special…."

"Well, any time with you will be special. I just don't think today is the day. We've gone through a lot this week…I want clear minds and an entire _day_ to keep you in bed when the day comes. We'll need it, _trust_ me. Though I'm sure the baby couldn't handle four times..."

"God, tell me you're not going to make me wait until I'm practically on the way to the hospital before you decide it's the right time."

"Of course not! I may be a gentleman but I don't have that kind of patience if you're going to be teasing me like this every night." he laughed. "And I'm not saying I can't be swayed…I'm just saying I don't think tonight's the night. Here we are talking about it again…when it happens, I won't be _talking_…"

"Okay…fair enough," she smiled. "We have had kind of an emotional day as it is. You're right. And I love for you it, I do… but as a naked woman who _really_ loves you, I'm telling you now this is not going to be easy right now. But then I think of Aria and hope her boyfriend will be nice to her like this one day…

He frowned and thought for a moment. "And what I'll do to that little punk if he tries anything…" He looked a world away.

"Oh God," she rolled back on her back. "She's not even out of my body and you're already talking about this. _Now_ I'm not in the mood," she laughed, "nice job, Daddy."

"I'm just saying…" he shrugged. "You say her _boyfriend_, I'm thinking _husband_. Yep, our baby will be a virgin until marriage."

"Okay…she's _our_ kid, Damon. Look at us. Have we _ever_ behaved around each other? We were down each other's pants in a broom closet! Not so funny now to think of that as a parent, is it?" But she laughed anyway. It really _was_ still funny...

She was in such a good place. It didn't even occur that she was referring to _her_ wild past. It wasn't bothering her now. Her daughter would never be made to feel that way. She would be there, every step of the way...making sure she really understood what her body meant to her.

"It's destiny…she's going to break hearts. She'll have your eyes and she's going to use that on guys and…" she sighed and his eyes widened again.

All she felt was happiness and love.

"Alright," he plugged his ears for a moment. "Now _I'm_ not in the mood," he quipped. "If this is our bed, I'm making a new rule." He clicked off the light. "No more talking after midnight. We don't make any sense at this time of night. The only thing _my_ lips are kissing you and showing you how much I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know! What the hell just happened? It was truly an epic week for them, in every way. Lots of emotions, happy and sad. But he is so close to slaying those demons…**

**Next demon: Kat. She's coming…not even going to try and hide this one. It's not a mystery that she'd want to stir up drama. I've hinted at a few problems between them that haven't been revealed, yet, but there are surprises coming regarding her, too. Next chapter is going to be crazy…**

**Thanks for reading, and again, for the reviews! I love reading them all! **


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: This chapter has been crazy! I'm happy with the way it turned out. There are some surprises, including something that starts to build in this chapter. We're in for a wicked road with Katherine. But first, we'll find out some pretty interesting things the two of them. **

**Hope you like it. I'd love to hear thoughts and reactions on this one! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 22**

"So this new employee…does he have a background in sales," Elena set stacks of The Little Red Dragon on two tables at the front of the store. Katherine was set to get into Mystic Falls the next morning, an hour before the signing. Elena chose to minimize their 'personal' time to keep things running smoothly.

"Not exactly," he smiled. "But he's the guy, trust me." The front door to the store opened, sounding the familiar cling of the bell. "And there he is!" He announced loudly. The man was carrying a tall stack of boxes, his face hidden behind them. Elena knit her brows together in confusion at the giddy look on Damon's face.

"First day on the job and I'm already doing more manual labor than you probably _ever_ have," the familiar voice teased. Elena's jaw dropped.

"Mr. Saltzman," she asked, shocked. "_You're_ our new employee?"

"You can call me Alaric…I.." he said without looking at her. He didn't realize, either. But then she appeared before him. "Oh my…" he dropped the stack of boxes. "Damon, you told me you had a business partner but you didn't tell me it was Elena…" he smiled, looking down at her stomach in surprise.

"And he didn't tell me _you _were the new employee," she shook her head and laughed. Her eyes flicked to Damon who was enjoying the scene a little too much.

"Oh, I just wanted to see the look on both your faces," Damon smiled wickedly. "And you know what? I was right. It was _so_ worth it. You're both all 'ahhhhh'" He waved his hands in the air goofily.

"So…" Alaric started curiously, ignoring Damon's comment. "You two are..." he pointed between them and arched an eyebrow.

"Definitely not just business partners," Damon smirked. "We're finally the family we were meant to be," his eyes lit up at his words. He was pleased to share good news about her with his dear friend. Alaric had been a backbone for the last few months of his senior year when everything had fallen out with Elena.

She walked over to him and opened one of the boxes, pulling out a stuffed dragon and smiling. "Mr. Saltzman…"

"Please, Elena," he laughed. "I think you're old enough to call me 'Ric' now. Besides, you're in charge of me now. How things have changed. But I must say… I'm not surprised you're together. I heard what happened to you...Damon and I talked a few times over the years…but I always knew the two of you would end up this way. Now that I'm not your teacher, I can say that."

"We were trouble…" she swallowed. "Sorry about that," she cringed. The odd part of it all was how differently things might have played out if their parents had found out from Alaric instead of walking in on them. She'd never forget the sadness in her father's eyes when she walked through her front door behind Miranda, red faced and teary-eyed….

"You were okay," he shook his head and smiled gently. "I gave you hell because it could've gotten so much worse. You two were my favorite, I can say _that_ now, too. I wanted the best for you." He admitted. "And I'm not even trying to butter up my new bosses," he winked.

"What happened to the school? You don't work there anymore?" she asked sadly.

"Na, cutbacks and all that bad economy stuff," he sighed. "It's a true sign of the times. I left for a while. I moved out to Dallas…did some thinking. I guess I could've stayed there and tried to find a job at another school. But I've got the same problem we all do," he paused. "No matter where I go, Mystic Falls will always be home." Elena's heart swelled at his truth. "I walked by your store the other day. I saw "Salvatore" on the window. I heard about the accident, but I didn't realize you'd taken over the store so quickly. I guess it was like I was meant to see him standing in the window that day."

"He came in as I was interviewing someone and that was that," Damon said. "He cut us a break ten years ago…what better to say 'thank you' than to give an old pal a job?"

"I'm shocked right now, I am," she smiled appreciatively. "But it's wonderful to see you again. It's nice to see a familiar face, even if I am still slightly embarrassed."

"Just do your thing," he smiled. "Forget I'm here. If I hear anything coming from the back room I will _not_ check on you…" he teased. Elena's face reddened for a second but she shook it off. It was no secret; she was pregnant. Whatever was between them now, he wasn't sure… but they'd obviously enjoyed each other's company at _least_ once, he knew.

"Out of line, Ric," Damon deadpanned. But his face turned up into a smile within a matter of moments. Elena shook her head and walked back to the office to finalize some paperwork. She'd contacted the local newspaper to set up an ad for the event and hung posters up around town. She heard the local news station might come down to talk to them before the event started.

* * *

><p>Things were close to being completely set up, but she busied herself. She needed a distraction. It was her suggestion to bring Kat into the event. She wasn't insecure; she wasn't worried Damon was going to be a little too gentle with Katherine. This event wasn't about tearing each other to shreds. It wasn't meant to divide and it wasn't meant to unite. It was a business transaction and that was it…even if Katherine had once been something to Damon that <em>she'd<em> never been: a fiancé. She wouldn't let a title like that bother her. He may have put a ring on Kat's finger, but he'd slid it off _because_ of Elena.

In the beginning stages of taking over the bookstore, she'd acted like he was just a business partner. It was never true, of course. She didn't have a chance once she was with him again. They'd always been more. But he and Katherine…they'd gone from being engaged to this…strictly business. Elena couldn't help but wonder how peaceably this would all go once the three of them were in the same room.

Kat had sounded leery on the phone, but she'd agreed, deciding she wouldn't mind revisiting the book for the sake of feeding her own biography. But something about the way she'd acted like she really _was_ just doing them a favor rubbed Elena the wrong way. She didn't exactly want to rely on Katherine…but Damon's sanity and their bookstore made her do crazy things. She'd sell her soul to save that man another ounce of pain.

So she straightened the office and thought about positive things…she reminded herself what all of this was for: Damon's book. Yes, their business was important to her, too, but she had her mind set on getting him the praise he deserved. Katherine may have _illustrated_ it, but in the end, people would know Damon Salvatore wrote The Little Red Dragon. They would know his name….

Damon smiled as he saw Elena walking from the office to the front tables with little posters she'd made and markers. She'd set up a kid's coloring table and expanded the reading area by adding a few more beanbags. She was strong, he knew, to invite a woman who'd nearly taken her place a year ago. It made him sick to think what life might've been like if he'd gone through with the wedding.

Their parents would've still died. Elena would've _still_ come back into his life. And he would've still loved her. There was no way around it. He would've been stuck in a marriage with a woman who would never be half the woman Elena was. He'd chosen right, he knew. For once, he'd chosen right.

Katherine was coming. She was going to blow in like a storm. She was powerful; she always had been. She'd always worn the pants in their relationship. When it came to the business side of things, Katherine was a mastermind. There was no way she was coming _just_ to help them. Yes, she'd benefit from the profit in sales from the book, too…but from what he could tell, she wasn't in any financial trouble. Her work was already known. She didn't _have_ anything to save...

He'd seen the look in her eyes at the store months ago when she'd brought him his belongings. She'd looked angry, bitter. He'd done her wrong, he knew, but their relationship had never been that clear to him. He'd based everything on desperation for normalcy, and Katherine…well, it was hard to say what she ever really wanted from him. Had she ever really loved him? The nasty things she'd said suggested she _didn't_, but she'd looked lost and heartbroken when he'd called off the wedding. A part of him still wondered, though, was she sad or just embarrassed?

He smiled at her wickedly from across the room. His brain was _not_ where it should be the day before a huge event meant to propel his book. He saw nothing but Elena…the entire reason he even cared about any of it anymore.

It hit him. This was it. Today was the day. Not because of Katherine. Not because he was terrified and needed reassurance. It was simply because he loved her. She was the one…

"Elena," he cut off the path between the table and the office, blocking her way. "I think I'd like to go home with you for a while," he said softly. "I think we're pretty much set up and Ric will be able to close up tonight. It'll be nice to eat lunch and dinner together at a normal time for a change."

"She's coming, Damon. She'll be here in the morning. We'll need to be here early tomorrow. We can't afford to be off relaxing when tomorrow's so big."

"Yes, of course we will come back right away tomorrow. But can't we just take a time out for a little while? You've been going crazy over this for days." he sighed. "We finally have a chance to relax without having to worry about the store. It's in good hands," he smiled. "This is good for us."

"Are you freaking out right now…about Kat?" She asked honestly. "Tell me, are you?" She was afraid he was trying to get away from more than just the store.

"No," he frowned. "I just don't trust her. I know I shouldn't go into this with a bad attitude, but something tells me she's going to try to start something...I'm sorry, Elena, but…"

"We won't let her," she squeezed his hand. "I love you. I don't know her intentions, but it doesn't matter. Try as she may, she will never breakthrough. I trust that."

"She's nasty when she doesn't get what she wants. You're right, if she does try something, she won't win. I have faith in us. You have _nothing_ to worry about. But it doesn't change the fact that she's crazy. I'm sick of her shit and she's not even here yet. I just want to think about _you_…"

"Yeah well she's not getting what she wants," she smiled wickedly. "And I can be nasty, too."

"And you're pregnant so you better _not_ be. Keep those kitty claws to yourself," he kissed her temple. "But the thought is pretty sexy. So…you can use them on me, but just me…" he touched her earlobe. "How about it? How about we go home…" she nearly came undone at his touch.

Alaric smiled from across the room. He admired them, really. He'd never been able to settle down and find someone to share that with. He'd never really loved anyone; not like _that_.

"Let's take the day off," he whispered in her ear. "From everything. The _whole_ day…just a Damon and Elena day…"

"But on the day before the signing? I should be out there handing out flyers or wearing a sandwich board or something…" the thought of the size that sandwich board would have to be to fit over her stomach alarmed her….

He smiled at her enthusiasm but was quick to squash her ideas. "No, we should be celebrating. We're about to do this. Regardless of how much this bumps up sales, we've worked hard for this. _You've_ worked hard. Let's take the day _off_. We need it…we _really_ need it."

He was ready now, if she was. He'd faced his fears concerning her pregnancy. Katherine was nothing. She held _nothing_ over him when it came to Elena. He knew what he wanted, who he wanted, for the rest of his life. And in that moment, he wanted to go home with her and show her just how certain he was.

"Why don't you go home and settle in a little. I'll finish up here pretty quickly and meet you there. I have a few things to go over with him to make sure he's comfortable. We'll come back in the morning for Kat…but right now, all I can think about is _you_. I can't be here right now…" he smiled. "I just want to be with you," his eyes flicked down to her lips and she leaned up to press a soft kiss on his.

"_I_ see," she smirked, teasingly. "We're alone together here for _weeks_ in the mornings and the second we aren't you're dying to get me alone. Beanbags aren't good enough for you anymore?" But she had no idea; none at all. She only knew _half_ of the reason he was dying to get her home.

"Hey, that is a _children's_ corner!" His eyes widened teasingly. "Honestly, Elena" he winked. "I need more room that _that_!"

"O_kay_," she blushed a little and tipped her head toward Alaric. "He's _listening_," she whispered wildly.

"Good!" Damon smiled. "That way I don't need to inform him about how we're leaving for the day," he raised his voice a few notches and waggled his eyebrows. "Go on then, I'll see you soon," he whispered sweetly in her ear before patting her butt. She rolled her eyes and left Alaric and Damon in the store.

* * *

><p>"You got her back," Ric said seriously, leaning against the counter. "All kidding aside, Damon, I always knew you would…" Their friendship was different. They could be complete assholes to each other one minute and the next they were pouring their hearts out to each other.<p>

Alaric remembered the look on his face when Damon had walked through his door after he and Elena had broken up. He'd stayed in there for hours, listening to the young man's anger. He'd seen something in his eyes that he didn't like. He looked like a part of him had _died _back then. But now his eyes were bright and happy again. As his former teacher, he couldn't help but feel proud of where Damon had come.

"You know…I never really lost her," his eyebrows dipped. "A lot of shit happened in between then and now, but damn it, she's _it_ for me. She's always been it for me, Ric."

"You've got a good thing going…with the baby and all."

"Yes, life has a funny way of turning out when you least expect it to," he sighed. "You know…the idea of kids was always just terrifying to me…until Elena. When I was with Kat...I always figured one day we'd have kids by default…but it wasn't something I really _wanted_. I guess I know why, now. I never let myself even get close enough to another woman because I was scared of it. The idea of a planned pregnancy with Katherine scared the shit out of me, but an accidental one with Elena is the best thing that could've ever happened to me," he sighed.

"Damn," he shook his head. "Look at you… all goo-goo eyed and dreamy," he teased. "You're a hot mess, buddy."

"Listen," he fidgeted with something in his pocket. "I need to get out of here for the day. I know it's only your first day on…but can I trust you with this? Can you close everything up tonight and reopen by yourself tomorrow before Kat comes? I know it's a lot to ask…"

"Yeah…" he smiled knowingly. "You're going to be gone _all_ day and _all_ night?"

"I really appreciate it. There's something that I need to do," he smiled. "And it's not just what you're thinking,"

"Who am I to judge? I'm not your teacher anymore," he laughed. "But just for the hell of it…I give you permission to have sex with your pregnant girlfriend."

"Thanks?" He shook his head. "Text me if anything comes up. Don't call…" he smiled. "I won't answer." And if Kat gets here before we get back in the morning _not_ let her start moving stuff around. Elena worked hard on setting it up. I don't want Katherine coming in and rocking any boats. And for the love of God…don't flirt with her. Trust me when I say I regret asking her about her drawings…"

"Yes, Father," he put his hands up and laughed as Damon walked out the door smiling.

* * *

><p>His hand was in his pocket, shaking. It had been a month since the ultrasound…three weeks since he'd decided to do it. He had never been more certain about anything in his life. He knew what he wanted. He knew what <em>she<em> wanted…he just didn't know when…

Now. Right now.

It was 7:30 in the morning and the sun was bright in the cloudless sky. They'd only been at the store for an hour before he'd had this crazy idea to come home. He should've done it this morning…should've stopped overthinking it and asked her at the breakfast table. It wouldn't have been fancy but they really _weren't_ fancy. They were the craziest love story he'd ever heard.

He hadn't; his brain told him not to. But everything was coming to a head quickly now. He regretted not asking her the minute she stepped through the front door of their store without his ring on her finger…

Damon's heart was pounding as he turned the key to their home. It was just that, _theirs_. He'd moved in two weeks ago. It was more of a home than his apartment had ever been. Elena put those little, soft touches on things that only a woman could. He never asked her to, but she folded all his clothes and put them away. She made them dinner at 10 p.m. when he got home. She wasn't needy and she didn't expect anything from him. Their relationship was never as one sided as the one he'd regrettably shared with Kat.

Elena didn't make it feel like he was invading her personal space. She made it easy to feel normal. She made everything easier. He'd done it before…put a ring on a woman's finger…but he'd never been so sure that he was doing it for the right reasons. His engagement to Katherine had been rushed and forced. He'd had to convince himself he was doing it for _them_ and not just for her. He'd never really believed it…that was the problem. It wasn't a solution to his problem…it made it worse.

Kat's mind was elsewhere back then…she'd nearly lost it since he'd changed the ending of his book. She was dreaming up a life that was scaring him by the minute. Her eyes flashed brilliantly when she'd told him she wanted to get pregnant. He didn't believe her. He thought she was forcing a future with him, too. So he took the easy option out…the one he could revoke if he changed his mind. He proposed to take her mind off babies….

He'd proposed to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Every time she'd tried to take the condom off he'd shook his head. Once she had an idea she didn't easily drop it. He'd check her birth control pack to make sure she was taking them, but he never really believed she wasn't just throwing them away every day…

Now he stood in his own home shaking, admittedly afraid to propose to Elena because she _was_ pregnant. The tiniest part of him worried she would think he was trying to do the right thing…marry her before the baby was born. But he knew they didn't need that; not really. He knew, deep down, that she would never question his motives for putting _that_ ring on her finger as soon as she saw it.

He stepped lightly in the house, afraid of scaring her. His hands were sweating…he hadn't opened the little box in years. He was sure seeing the diamond glimmering back up at him would remind him of how it looked on his mother. He'd kept it safe for years. He'd had the opportunity to give it so Katherine, a few years ago, but he'd bought her one instead. Something about them was unsettling; he couldn't give his mother's ring away to her. That ring symbolized an undying love.

The only woman worthy of it was standing in a hot shower a room away from him now. He'd only ever pictured giving it to her. He remembered the first time she'd seen it; her little brown eyes had lit up at the way it sparkled on his mother's finger. It was big; 4 karats. His father had spoiled his mother back then, before it all fell apart. Elena said she'd never seen a more beautiful piece of jewelry; she marveled at it even as a teenager when she'd found it in his drawer one day. It was meant to be hers…only hers. If his dragon had never come back he'd never see it sparkle again.

He opened the box quickly and snapped it shut. He caught a glimpse and the nerves rose in his stomach. This was it…today…Damon and Elena day. No questions, no doubts filled his mind. He wanted her forever. He wanted her to know that she and the baby were his absolutes in life. If he lost everything…their house, their store…if his book completely failed…he would be okay. They would always find a way together. After all the shit they'd been through, they could build a dream from the ground up.

Now he saw the master bathroom door cracked and heard the shower running…

He slid the ring box back into his coat pocket and hung his coat on knob of their bedroom door. He'd find it later…when the time was right. He needed a sign…something to give him the go ahead that the moment was right.

He wasn't rushing into it because he was _afraid_ of Katherine. He'd had the ring forever, he could've asked whenever he wanted. He'd decided weeks ago to propose…but suddenly it was right. Before they had to face the store, before everything went down with his book he wanted her to know what really mattered. And just as he didn't want her to think he felt obligated because of the baby, he also didn't want her to think he was proposing to prove something to Katherine. Nothing she could do would matter. No havoc was more than they could handle.

No, he wanted Elena _just_ for himself. He wanted to be able to give them the life they'd dreamed of. He would marry her one day and he would never leave her again. They'd be that elderly couple they see holding hands and walking down their street every day.

He wouldn't make the mistakes he'd made before. Nerves were nothing; when it came right down to it, he wasn't afraid of anything when it came to forever with her.

But his brain was foggy with thoughts of her under that hot spray of water now. Thoughts of endless showers consumed him and his hand was turning the knob to the bathroom in seconds. How he'd managed to stay away from her in the shower for all this time was beyond him. He'd just respected her so much; he used to be afraid of taking it too far too fast this time around. But now nothing could stop him from sliding the glass shower door open and stepping under the water fully clothed, just to be with her.

Now his desire for her was more than just a primal need. He needed to connect, remind her what she was to him physically, too. The ring, all of it, would come later that day, in a sweeter moment than this.

"What's going on?" she laughed, watching the water soak through his t-shirt. He caught her lips with his and tangled his fingers into her wet hair. She smiled against his lips. "You do know you have your clothes on, right?" He nodded against her, breathless, walking her back against the granite wall. His movements were gentle but certain. He hadn't said a word but he didn't need to. His touch and kisses told her everything he wasn't saying.

"This isn't really going to work that way," she laughed. "One, my stomach is really in the way, and two…" she pulled his leather belt off the loops of his khakis. "These have to come off." But he was in a daze of lust now, seeing only her. He pressed his hands flat against the wall on the sides of her as she unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. His eyes locked with hers as her hands pulled the hem of his shirt up over his head, leaving him naked before her.

His eyes locked with hers and his heart swelled with emotion. He was packed with love and desire as he spoke for the first time. He felt dizzy, almost, from the need. He didn't even try to stop himself; he didn't have to anymore.

"God, you're beautiful," he touched the bottom of her chin and kissed her sensuously. It was slow and knee-weakening on its own, but when his tongue found hers and his hands tightened in her hair she started to unravel. "I just love you so much," he growled in a whisper in her ear over the loud spray of the shower. His voice was wild, sexy. His teeth found her ear after his words, sending a moan from her lips into his shoulder. This man was powerful; he could say such sweet words and do such wild things to her at the same time. It was a new sensation…one that she'd had a taste of months ago in that hotel room. But now she could have her cake and eat it too. She could say the words back and she could be proud of the way she felt for him…

"I love you," she blinked the water away from her eyes, staring into his oceans. She saw things in him she'd never seen before. He was looking at her as if the world would stop turning without her. She saw innocence and love and absolute trust. She saw complete adoration in his eyes. "I'll love you forever," she promised him. It was a message that carried a world of hope that day. She didn't even know the comfort it sent to his heart about proposing.

And the she saw the change in his eyes. They darkened with lust and a wild smirk appeared on his swollen lips.

His hair was dripping now, tiny beads of water pelting hard into the muscles of his bare back when his right hand came out of her hair to work down her stomach and slip inside of her. It was a knee buckling sensation from the start. But her feet were slipping from underneath her from her quick, wild movements under his touch.

In an instant she'd found the tiny bench in the corner of the shower. She rested carefully on it now, pulling his hips closer to her so she could easily slip him in her mouth. His fists pressed into the wall again as she worked him until his moaning got too loud and his movements too jerky. All the while he'd been staring right at her. It had happened many times before, but never like this. There was something so intimate between them that day. He felt crazy and calm at the same time. And when she pulled him out of her mouth and looked up into his wild eyes, his heart nearly stopped. It was her, his _Elena_, doing this to him…he didn't have to close his eyes with another woman and pretend anymore. His dreams were alive before him in that tiny shower.

He turned the shower knob off, stopping the spray of the water and sending a cold shiver at the contact with the air. But their low temperatures wouldn't last long as he was walking her backwards into their room and leaning her back on the edge of the bed. Her wet hair fell around her and his hands folded with hers above her head. "Do you know what you do to me?" his eyes cascaded over her form, falling from her eyes down to her breasts before he took one in her mouth. She shivered at the contact of his tongue. "When I'm with you like this," his head crashed against her forehead, "I can't remember anything but the way it feels inside of you…" Elena closed her eyes and listened. She nodded as he slid inside of her, her jaw locked in an open position. Her mouth was dry from wild breathing but when she swallowed, no saliva came. There was no way she was saying anything to mess it up. There weren't words big enough, great enough to surpass the absolute bliss he was creating in her body. His movements were slow at first, his hands tightening around hers with every pulse.

Somewhere in her lust filled brain she was able to appreciate how beautiful this moment truly was. The man she'd loved for a lifetime was moments away from sending her into a wave of oblivion and she was almost six months pregnant with his child. He was careful, but not overly gentle. He made her feel sexy even though her body was so very different from the last time they'd been this way. But her brain went blank as she looked up into his eyes at the quickening of his thrusts as it sent her over the edge. And when her panting and moaning turned to shallow breaths, his lips fell onto hers in a sweet kiss and he loved the wet hair stuck to her face aside. He smiled in wonder. "You're perfect," he whispered. "Absolutely perfect."

But this time the words didn't scare her. She just smiled.

She moved his hand up to her stomach moment so he could feel the baby's wild motion. Feeling his little girl under his hand made their connection real. It wasn't just random, crazy sex. They had made something together…that little baby reminded him, through his lust, that his want for Elena was so much more than just release. She filled a void in him….

But after a moment, she leaned up and pulled his lips down onto hers again before she pulled worked her way on top of him. His hands held her hips as she cascaded down on him in different frequencies until he couldn't take it anymore. And when she sent him there, over the edge of madness, all he could do was breathe her name over and over again. His brow was coated in sweat and his cheeks were flushed. She kissed his swollen lips again before sliding off of him. He rolled on his side and wrapped her in his arms.

"We're right together," she breathed. "This is the way it should've been our first time. We were right to wait again," his eyes traced the lines of her body sweetly. He didn't look like a man who'd simply gotten what he wanted. He looked like he'd never get enough… "I'm crazy pregnant and I've never been more clumsy…but I've never felt more beautiful than I do right now."

"I've never _seen_ anyone more beautiful in my life," he smiled, giddy. God, how he wanted to just run to his coat and put that ring on her finger…but he waited. "This is the way it will be forever. Sweet or wild or whatever you want…but never desperate and needy. Never again." He rubbed her bottom lip. "I've got the rest of my life to show you just how much you mean to me."

His brain was clearing again and he was picturing his mother's ring on Elena's finger. There'd never been a doubt in his mind that he was ready. He was happy they'd waited until now to have sex again. They'd been physically there for months, but now he was emotionally there, too. There was no way he was letting her go again…

But as he felt the pounding of her heart and saw the shine in her eyes, he was upset that he hadn't come up with a fancy place to take her, or a fancy, cute way to do it. He wanted so badly make her his, but she deserved more than being proposed to in bed after sex. They were _never_ that common couple with the common romance. He was certain when he did propose it wouldn't be so typical…but it would be better than this. He could do so much better than this…

So he tucked the thought into the back of his mind for the time being. They fell asleep for a while, but they'd find their bodies tangled up again once more before Damon's phone buzzed and lit up.

She was wrapped blissfully in his arms when he reached for the phone. His eyes scrunched up as he processed the words of Alaric's text.

"Ah, shit," he sat up, pressing his hands into his hair. "Of course she is!" He laughed bitterly. His plans for the rest of day were ruined now…

"What?" Elena frowned, pulling the phone from his hands and reading the screen.

"**KAT'S HERE…"**Elena's eyes widened in horror. She swallowed dryly.

He crashed his head back into his pillow, "You know she really knows how to ruin a day," he sighed. "But I guess I'm not that surprised. She does things on her own terms…"

His fingers slid along the screen, sending a message back. **"DON'T TALK TO HER…WE'RE ON OUR WAY.." **

"So now what?" Elena asked, worriedly.

"Well she can't be there by herself. She's going to drive Ric crazy and I'm worried about her touching everything. Who knows what she's doing right now. She won't even just let me be with you without screwing something up. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"It's okay," she smiled sadly. "It's not ruined. Today is still special," but she didn't know what Katherine was about to do. She wouldn't wear that ring that night…not anymore…

He shook his head. He couldn't explain what plans Kat had just messed up. She was inadvertently putting his future on hold again…

"Come on, let's get showered up and go in," she smiled. "Don't be angry…"

"Well I am…she's…" he huffed. "She just ruins everything she touches," he frowned. "She's already throwing us off here, Elena. She's already doing things _her_ way. For all I know she'll have…"

"Don't you dare let her walk all over you. This is for our business and your book. She was not invited her to get under your skin and drive you crazy. This is supposed to alleviate some of your stress, not add to it." She squeezed his hand. "The way you're looking makes me think I made a mistake inviting her. Maybe you were right. It's a good idea but…"

But Elena was right the first time around. Kat would _not_ come into his life and make him feel bad about things all over again. If anyone was getting hurt that day, it wouldn't be he or Elena….

"No, Lena. You're right. She's nothing. She has _nothing_ on me," he shook his head. "Let's go. I don't want that bitch rearranging everything before we get there. And we have to save Ric…seriously. That man is too weak and she is too wicked…."

"Hey…" she reached out to him while she he stepped out of the bed and caught his arm. "I love you…" she smiled sweetly and his heart settled.

She was already closer to being a wife than Katherine had ever been….

* * *

><p>The bell of the door clanged loudly as he held it open for Elena. He stayed focused on the back of her head…afraid to look up. Of course he was worried about seeing Katherine. A part of him would always hate her for what she made him feel, but a part of him would always remember what Elena said. He'd hurt Kat's feelings. He'd used her. He was too good of a man <em>not<em> to worry about what he'd done. He feared the damage he'd done to her…if she truly _had _loved him…if she _really_ had been heartbroken over their end. If she was wicked before, with him, she'd be a raving bitch by now, without him…

But he held Elena's hand tightly and straightened his sights.. She needed to know; he wasn't ashamed for what he'd done. He was proud of what he had with Elena. He deserved to be proud. He didn't have to worry about rubbing in Kat's face. This wasn't about that at all. He wasn't interested in making her feel bad. He just wanted to come of this alive…

Maybe it would end alright. Maybe he was wrong about her intentions. This could very well serve as closure with a demon he'd never wanted to face again…

He saw her now, with her curly hair and her beautifully done makeup, as usual. She'd always been pretty but now he internally scoffed at her. She'd never let him see her cry…not really. She'd never had a runny line of mascara cascading down her cheeks. She was picture perfect to most, yes. But he'd take a half-awake, bed- headed Elena over her any day. Elena was gorgeous no matter what. The honesty of her tears was more beautiful than anything Katherine had ever shared with him.

She didn't look at Elena at first. She walked right up to Damon, "My other half," she winked and he shook his head. "Of the book, I mean of course….don't look at me like that…." She laughed.

Alaric's eyes shot to Elena who was biting her lips now. He could see her boiling when Katherine's hands were on Damon. He would say nothing. This was not his battle to fight.

"What part of Saturday morning didn't you understand? Don't even start on me," he said seriously. He was squeezing Elena's had now and brought her temple close to him to kiss. If she was going to play games, she was going to get hurt…even if he hadn't originally intended to play back.

But then she finally saw Elena…._really_ saw her…

Any attempt at having the absolute upper hand over him, making him feel guilty, was falling away quickly. The cocky smile on the lips of his ex-fiancé had faded. Her eyes were stuck on Elena's stomach, her eyebrows fell momentarily and Damon saw hurt flash through her eyes. He wasn't sure how to take it. She was obviously bothered by it….

Was it bad that he almost felt happy to see her squirm?

Katherine's mind was heavy now. She hadn't come to get him back. She wasn't even sure she wanted to hurt him, at first. She really meant to do herself a favor by promoting their book. But now all bets were off. He hadn't just left her… he'd run straight into the arms of the woman he'd been dreaming of through their entire relationship and he'd gotten her pregnant.

She'd begged him for months to consider starting a family with her. It had started as a way to lock him down…as selfish as that was. But suddenly, slowly, she _had_ fallen for him. She never meant to…but soon their sex had turned into more without warning. He was supposed to make her famous…she wasn't supposed to feel _hurt_ when he accidentally said Elena's name in bed. It wasn't supposed to kill her to see him change the ending of that book.

It was just a book at first. It did its job for her, made her famous. But it had never been just a book to him, she knew. And suddenly, when the ending changed, she realized that _book_ was more important to him than her. That book was _Elena_… the sister he wasn't allowed to love…

Suddenly everything changed in her and she snapped. She realized she had to force everything with him to make her love him back. But she chose the wrong way to win his love. Putting down his book, stealing all the fame from it…working out _things_ with the publisher…

It had only pushed him away. She hadn't won at all. And in the end she lost him. Her attempts at trying to have a family with him were squandered immediately. He'd looked absolutely paranoid the first time she'd mentioned it. Days later they were engaged…she was _happy_ and sad about it at the same time. Then he was gone. He'd chosen the unknown…he'd chosen an uncertain future over a planned future with her. He'd chosen anything _but_ her….

Sometimes stories do come true…even silly ones about dragons. She'd masked her hurt with cockiness because it was easier; she was still doing that _now_.

She could relate to Elena on levels she hadn't realized. As it would turn out, it was more common for people to bury their emotions in a fake personality than one would _think_….

Something so terrifying with _her_ had been so easy with Elena and that _hurt_. He looked happy, free. His hand rested on Elena's stomach and he'd never looked more at peace. _That_ hurt, too. But she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't show her pain. She'd wear her "okay" face.

She should've been all Damon needed for the rest of his life. Instead he'd gone off with miss imperfect…he picked a _slut_ over her, she thought. Her brain was aching now, plotting.

She didn't even want him anymore. Now the thought of him just made her sick. But he didn't get to win twice. He'd embarrassed her. He'd walked out on her on the biggest night of her life to date… it was time she show him what it felt like to lose everything. He may have Elena…she may have kept his heart…but there was so much more they stood to lose. And if anyone had the power to wreck it all, it was Katherine. She would strike when they least expected. She _knew_ people…

"Well, this is sweet," she put on her poker face. "Happy endings and all…" Damon frowned in confusion. Something wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to be _nice_ to them. Her quick, initial flirting had turned into sweetness a little too easily. There was no way she was just _okay_ with them...especially considering Elena was pregnant. She was supposed to be through the roof… "Congratulations, Elena. He's a wonderful man," her voice carried a little edge, as if she'd buried something. She's sounded sincere at first, but Elena didn't buy it.

"He is…" she nodded carefully. Kat wasn't going to fly under _her_ radar. She was all over this. She'd seen the way her hands had crept up his chest. She'd be watching her. And if she did anything to hurt him again, she'd be on her in a second. She had a thing or two she wanted to say her anyway, when they were alone and this was all over. She'd intended to wait until the signing was over but she wouldn't bite her tongue if Katherine started anything. He was strong but he wasn't alone. She wasn't afraid to pull out the claws if that's what it took to put Katherine in her place.

"It's a shame we aren't friends," Katherine shrugged, looking at Damon sadly. He frowned and shook his head.

"Don't do that. Don't pretend you're just fine with all of this." He said angrily.

"Why, aren't you?" she smiled. "You're happy, aren't you? You got what you wanted. I got what I wanted…fame. Everything's fine," she nodded. "Don't you believe me?"

Of course he didn't.

"Ask me tomorrow when this is all over and done with, and you're walking out the door," he said honestly.

"I'm here to help you. I'm doing _you_ a favor here," she laughed. "If I was mad, would I really help you?" She raised an eyebrow. "All this anger from you isn't going to look good tomorrow," she warned. "So you better get over your paranoia about me and get your game face on. No one wants to buy a book from a man who looks like he's ready to kill someone."

"Just stick to business," he shook his head and took off his coat, hanging it up on the rack in the back of the store. "Put your stuff for tomorrow over here," he pointed to a hook where she could hang her bag of flyers and markers. "Everything's set. We're not planning on sticking around her long tonight. Hurry up so we can go."

"Of course," she nodded as he walked back up by Elena and Alaric. They were huddled together, their eyes bugging out of their heads. They looked like they'd been muttering to one another but they stopped when he appeared before them.

Kat pushed his coat to the side, her heart pounding. She was stressed, but was she showing it? She slid her bag onto the knob and Damon's coat fell, a tiny black box falling out of the pocket. She picked it slowly, recognizing it. Her heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat when she opened it….Arianna's ring. She wasn't _supposed_ to have ever seen it. She wasn't supposed to know he hadn't picked _that _ring when he'd proposed. It was a secret, she knew. It was a painful secret that had haunted her for years.

* * *

><p>She'd found it in his things one day when she was tucking his socks into his drawer. It was pushed back the end of his dresser drawer. She knew she wasn't supposed to open it, but when her eyes fell on the beautiful diamond, she lost all willpower. Her heart sped up…he was going to propose!<p>

The note inside read,

"**Your mom would've wanted you to have this. I know how much it meant to you. I knew the moment I met her that she was the one. Your mom would've loved to have met the woman who will wear this ring and be **_**your**_** 'one' someday…but since she can't, this is the best we can do. Choose right, son. This ring is for undying love. Be certain." – Dad.**

Her whole world was soaring. She was his one, she thought. Even though he'd showed reservations with her…even though he'd told her he didn't want to start a family just then… he had the ring in his dresser. He was going to give it to her. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he _had_ slayed his dragon and it was just over. Maybe he was ready to share everything with _her_ for a change….

But two days later when he opened a ring box and gotten down on one knee before her in front of the café they'd met at, she _wasn't_ faced with the ring. Instead, a pretty ring with three, sparkling diamonds reflected back up at her.

"So will you? Will you by my wife?" He asked her, the words serious and forced, almost.

But her heart sank a little as she nodded to say 'yes.' He'd had the ring in his dresser…she was certain it was for her. But she understood now. It was all so clear. The dragon, the ending, the hidden ring...it wasn't over. She was just a stand-in; she would never be his _one_….

* * *

><p>Now she held it in her hands again. The note was gone, probably tucked away somewhere. He probably didn't need a reminder of who deserved this ring, she thought. Elena's name was practically written all over it, even two years ago. She stared back at them now, watching the way he pressed his hands on Elena's stomach and smiled. He was a good man…he was supposed to change her life. He was supposed to pull her out of her depths and teach her real love. He was <em>good <em>at love…just not at loving her.

The sadness fell away for a moment and she was filled with anger and jealousy again. She wiped away her stupid tears…she wasn't supposed to be fragile. She was supposed to be the tough one…prove to him he'd lost everything when he'd walked away from her. But now she realized, when she saw the way Damon was looking at Elena…he'd never _really_ loved her…had he? When she'd stopped using him for fame and actually fallen in love with him, she'd gone about it all wrong. Being a bitch to him didn't do anything but hurt his book back then. She couldn't force his love for Elena out of him, even with nasty words.

She tucked the ring box into her purse and slid the strap over her shoulder, ready to leave. If she couldn't have it, Elena couldn't have it either...not so easily. Happy endings weren't supposed to come so easily.

She didn't want him back, but she wasn't going to hand happiness over to him without another thought. He'd hurt her. What could hurt him more than taking his _special_ ring away…ensuring he'd never give properly give it to his _one, _undying love.

"Come on Kat, we're closing up tonight. Be back in the morning," Damon said. His voice was stony and cold. "Don't be late and don't you _dare_ pull any stupid shit tomorrow. If you don't want to be here you can still change your mind."

"Did you not hear what I said?" she smiled sweetly, "I said this is just business. It's good for all of us. Tomorrow's going to clear everything up…don't worry."

It was warm out now; he hadn't realized why he _shouldn't _leave his coat at the store. He'd been so mixed up about Katherine that he'd completely dismissed proposing to Elena that night. He couldn't do it until this bitch was out of town. She he clicked the door closed behind them all and turned the lock.

In the morning he'd remember. In the morning he'd panic when he'd search his pocket to realize it wasn't there….

Katherine could be wild, crazy. She would do horrifying things. She had nothing to lose when it came to Damon; she couldn't lose what she never _had_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *Passes out* I'm dead. I'm just dead now. That was a crazy chapter to write! **

**I wanted to bring Alaric back to the front lines because the relationship he has with Damon is amazing. They are fun on the show, but in this, Alaric serves as a sort of home base for him. He was able to go to him when he could talk to no one else after their break up. And now he's back, helping them again. Maybe it's time for Alaric to finally settle down, too. Who knows who might pop up? **

**And Damon and Elena finally got to share their big moment and it feels to me like Katherine didn't really ruin it. They couldn't let her. **

**We've seen a bit of Kat's issues coming out, but there's more to come. Like I said, she's a powerful woman. The ring is just the start of her undoing. She expected to march in there and get the upper hand. Even if she didn't want him back, she still needed to make her presence known. **

**And Damon and his mother's ring...he saved it for Elena for all these years and now…**

***sigh* There is so much to come for them all. I can't wait to share it with you! Thanks for your time!**


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: Finally! I am so happy I got a chance to update. I have been so, so busy this week. Sorry for the wait. **

**I think we know what we'll see here at the start. Damon's going to panic. We're going to see the signing...and whatever else Kat has up her sleeve. But we'll see some real clarity hit with Katherine and Elena. Expect a long conversation with these two. **

**I am really curious to hear your thoughts on Kat after you read this chapter. :-) By the way, this is a personal record in word count for me. I couldn't help myself!**

**Thanks for reading, as always. And for the reviews. I really appreciate every single one of them. **

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 23**

"Hey, slow down," Elena shouted to Damon, who was about 25 feet in front of her. "It's not as easy for me to power walk these days," but he just waved casually and kept walking quickly. "Damon, what's the matter with you?"

"Take your time, I just need to check on a few things in here," he called back and she frowned. He'd been quiet at breakfast, and he'd hardly said a word on the ride over. She attributed it to his frustrations about Katherine, but enough was enough. As annoying and suspicious as Katherine seemed, she was right about one thing. Damon couldn't show his aggravation toward her during the signing. He needed to think like a businessman, not just a man.

He was inside the store and running to his jacket before she even reached the door. His hands dug wildly in his pockets, searching. Wasn't it the left pocket he'd put it in? Or was it the right? He _did_ put it back in his pocket before he got in the shower with her, right? Everything was such a blur; he should've been more careful.

Now his heart was pounding and his chest was tight. It was gone. He looked around on the ground below him. He walked the path he'd taken from the front of the store to the coat hook, but he'd been met with nothing. He could've dropped it anywhere, he knew. It might have fallen out of his coat when he'd been walking in the store with Elena. He'd been so angry that Katherine had messed up their evening that he'd barely paid attention to anything.

If he lost it outside, someone was sure to have it by now. That was a very big, very expensive ring. If he'd needed to, he could've sold it months ago to help their business. But that was truly out of the question. He would rather close his doors than sell that special piece of his mother. He'd rather live in a tiny house and see that ring on Elena's finger than give her something less than what she deserved. It wasn't even because it was so big and expensive. That was a piece of his mother he could never get back. He wanted to share that part of his family with Elena so desperately.

No, he'd had it. He was _sure_ of it. He remembered reaching in his coat pockets to put his car keys away and he'd felt it. He'd had it inside the store. He'd left his inside all night and there was no evidence of a break in; that really only left one option, and her name started with 'K.' Katherine had lingered by his coat a little too long, he remembered. His fists slammed down on the counter and Elena frowned. She walked up behind him and squeezed his shoulders, feeling just how tense he really was. "We can call this off…" she smiled softly. "It's not worth…"

"Where IS she?" He looked at his watch angrily; Elena pulled her hands off him as he paced around. She couldn't help but feel a little helpless. "She's so fucking quick to show up half a day early…but she can't even get here twenty minutes early the day she's actually _supposed_ to be here?" His head was shaking back and forth again in bitterness and worry. Wild thoughts ran through him. What if she stood them up? The bag she'd left in the store overnight had nothing of significance in it. It was quite possible she'd taken the ring and ditched out on them. That ring was worth more money than she'd ever make from signing a few books.

He had regrets now. He shouldn't have waited. That ring should be on Elena's finger right now, not in that little bitch's hands. Elena should be looking down at her hand every few moments and crying tears of joy.

More than anything, he'd wished he could just _tell_ Elena why he was so upset. Her eyes had been sad and lost all morning, and he hated being the reason for it, but how could he tell her Kat had stolen the ring that he was going to propose with…the ring she'd loved for more than twenty years. The last thing he wanted to do was tell her he'd meant to propose. What would she think when she found out he'd chosen not to? How could he possibly let Kat take something so special away from them?

But now Elena looked up him with worried eyes again. "If she doesn't show, we'll be _fine_," she whispered. "We can cancel if you want, but I think you deserve to do this…" But her words weren't registering. He stopped listening after 'if she doesn't show…'

_If _she didn't show, he'd be on the next plane to New York. He would get Elena's ring back, no matter what it took. And when he did, he wasn't waiting 24 hours to ask her. It didn't matter where they were because he didn't want to wait another minute. If they were on a dirty subway in New York he'd get down on one knee. He'd wanted to make it special, but now he just wanted to make her his forever.

Suddenly, when he _couldn't_ ask her to marry him, he realized just how much he needed to…

"Hey, who's ready to get this started?" Alaric strode into the store, throwing his keys on the counter. He pulled out a box of bagels. "Look, celebratory food. And for Miss Elena here, pickle cream cheese," he smiled proudly, and despite the tension in the room, Elena couldn't help but crack a smile, too. Ric was good for them.

"Thank you, Ric. How sweet of you to appreciate my 'special tastes right now,'" she threw up air quotes, "I knew you were my favorite employee for a reason," she teased, knowingly.

But all the while Damon was seething. He would explode at any moment. Elena swallowed and walked back into the office for a few minutes. Enough really was enough. She couldn't take it anymore. Her emotions were getting the better of her, too. He looked lost and angry but he hadn't said a word to her about it. He was always an open book to her, but now his lips were tight.

* * *

><p>She promised herself Katherine wouldn't do this…she wouldn't get to them. They wouldn't close up. They were supposed to stick together…so what was wrong with him? Had he really forgotten so easily? Didn't he remember he could tell her anything?<p>

Her head fell into her hands at the office desk. They were amazing together…but every amazing couple still had its imperfections, she knew. She just wished their weakness wasn't showing because of someone as petty as Katherine.

* * *

><p>Alaric stared at Damon as paced back and forth, shaking his head. Every ten seconds he looked at his watch and laughed bitterly.<p>

"Okay, I understand that you can't stand Kat, but you really need to get a grip, man," Alaric said. "Look at the amount of time Elena put into this for you," he pointed to the beautiful display before them. "Stop with the whole Katherine thing for just a second and appreciate what your girlfriend has done for you…." He warned. "You're going to walk away from this signing, and she's going to be completely fine with it because she loves you…but is that fair to her? Come on, Damon…"

No one got it; no one understood _why_ he was so angry with Katherine. Of course they didn't. He hadn't told a soul his plans to propose. But it was weighing down on him now. He knew they both assumed he was just mad at Kat for the hell of it…that he just didn't want her there. He had to tell Alaric. He needed one of them to understand, and as much as he wanted it to be Elena, it just _couldn't_ be this time.

"I was going to propose to her!" He whisper yelled after making sure the office door was closed and Elena was out of earshot. "I had the ring, Ric…my mother's ring." He swallowed. I had everything I needed and I blew it because I thought I had all the time in the world to make it perfect. I tried to do something right for her once. Everything has happened in the wrong order or accidentally, and it's not fair." He paused as he saw the office door creaking open. Elena was walking around in the store, straightening books randomly, distracting herself again. She wasn't ready to go back out there and face him. She didn't want to cry that day…

"Just _look_ at her, Ric," he said whispered sadly. "She deserves better than everything she's been through. Just _once_ I wanted something between us to be normal….just _once_. But waiting hurt me in the end. I think Katherine stole it…"he frowned, and Alaric's eyes widened in disbelief. "Don't look at me like that, Ric. I'm _not_ crazy. It's the only thing that makes sense. I had it here and…"

"Why was it here? You were carrying around a ring when Elena could've just as easily found it. And if it's as valuable as you say it is…" he sighed. There was no use scolding now. The damage was already done. "You need to call the police," he whispered, watching Elena at the back of the store. Her movements were slow, delayed.

"No, no police," Damon shook his head wildly. "No she's going to give it back to me. I will _not_ have this coming out to Elena. She will _not_ find out I was going to ask her to marry me because I had to file a police report. This is bullshit. I will get it from her…and if she doesn't show up, I'll find her myself and get it from her."

The clock on the wall told him they'd be opening in fifteen minutes.

"That sounds…" Alaric exhaled.

But right on cue, Katherine's smug face was in front of the door as she knocked on the glass. Damon opened the door slightly with a swift motion and walked outside of the store, his hand holding it shut so no one would follow him. She smiled at him innocently, but her heart was beating a little faster now. She was worried.

"Give it to me, now," he bit out harshly, looking around nervously. Just…just close your mouth before you even say anything and give it back to me. Let's make this quick and painless. The less you say the better."

"I don't know what you mean," she frowned, shrugging. But her eyes danced with something else…wickedness, pleasure.

"Quit the shit, Katherine," he barked and looked through the glass door to see Elena and Alaric talking behind the counter. Every now and then Elena's eyes were on him. This couldn't look good, he knew. But now that Alaric knew what was going on, he'd certainly help calm Elena's worries. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was falling all over the place because of Katherine, that he was choosing her over Elena. "Do you know what kind of trouble you will be in if I go to the police with this?"

"And risk Elena finding out? Please," she laughed. She'd all but admitted it, now.

"So you _do_ have it. You know exactly what I'm talking about, you little..." he yelled, but a strange part of him felt relief. At least it wasn't lost. But Katherine didn't deny or admit a thing. She stayed annoying vague and her eyes flared with danger. He hated when she looked at him like that; as if she held everything _just_ above his head…where he could see but never reach…

He continued, "Why do you have it? It's nothing to you," he furrowed his brow. "It's a ring for Elena."

"Oh I know what it is," she said a little too quickly. "I've known for a year and a half what it is," her heart sank a little. "It was the engagement ring I wasn't good enough for…" her voice was raspy.

But he was too angry to dote on what she'd said for long. The words registered, but guilt over something so long ago would not overtake his frustrations now. He had nothing to feel guilty about, really…just dishonesty.

"Why do you even _care_ anymore? Do you still want me? Is that what this is about?" He frowned. "You're jealous so you have to make her suffer, too? I have news for you, I feel _nothing_ for you aside from anger." Her eyes flicked in pain, but she quickly recovered.

"I never said I _did_ have it," she reminded him. "And no, I don't want you. You're all hers….you always were, right?" She cringed and he closed his eyes. She was impossible to read. She took tiny jabs at him, trying to wear him down, break him, maybe.

"Look, Kat…we don't have time for this right now. The signing is in ten minutes. In a few seconds we need to go in there and sit at those tables and at least be civil toward one another. We don't have to pretend we're friends. Just…let's not make a scene. You were at least right about that, yesterday."

If she hadn't handed it over by now, she wouldn't before the signing. He'd have to resort to getting it later…

Elena walked up to glass and knocked gently. She pointed down to her watch and her eyes went wide. He nodded slowly, knowing he had to wrap it up.

"Yes, your precious, very pregnant Elena was so quick to beg for my help. Turns out you _still_ can't do anything by yourself, can you?" She pouted. "Damon Salvatore still needs a _woman_ to do everything for him."

But he could only laugh at her digs. She was so desperate to hurt him, these days. He chose to move onto the heart of the problem. He didn't need to justify her last statement.

"I don't need help, I _want _Elena's help. I love her. Do us all a favor and stop pretending you're fine. Stop pretending it doesn't bother you to see me with her. I get it, okay. You're pissed and you want to hurt me. You took the ring to hurt me. But we don't' have time for this now…we can scream at each other later. Just…"

But she ignored his pleas and walked past him toward the door. He removed his hand so she could walk back inside. There was no use begging her anymore just then. Ten minutes wasn't enough to convince her. They'd probably end up just bickering while customers were lining up and cameras were rolling.

* * *

><p>As he stepped back through the door Elena looked more confused than ever. And although he could see her trying to hide her sadness, her eyes told him everything. No matter how you spun it, it still ended up with the same results. She'd be sad if he ruined the surprise about his mother's ring. He'd disappoint her, maybe... but would it scare her? He couldn't think about that now. She was too teary-eyed.<p>

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. It was a silent apology at first. Kat's eyes were on them in a second, torturing herself. She felt her hand grip the small box inside her bag and she sighed. She had the power to take that away…that sappy picture in front of her. She could ruin everything for them in a heartbeat. It would be so easy, now.

"I'm sorry…" he breathed into Elena's ear moments before they unlocked their doors. This was supposed to be a happy time. Ric was right; she'd worked hard for this, and now his secrecy and Katherine's presence was ruining everything.

"I thought we were stronger than this," she whispered at him quickly and wiped a sweaty strand of hair away from his forehead. "I don't like that you're keeping something from me,"

"We are strong! I can't explain this right now. Please just trust me. I promise I'll tell you everything when I can. I hate this, too. But…she'll win if…" But he was losing, regardless.

"We're OPEN." Alaric said loudly and Damon kissed Elena's lips quickly one more before sending her a nervous plea with his eyes. She smiled slowly and nodded. She didn't understand, but there was no doubt in her mind that she could trust him. Her fears about him talking to Kat outside were not from jealousy. She was more worried about Damon's stress levels. She knew he'd never go for any flirting attempts Katherine may throw his way, but it didn't mean she wanted to see her try.

She'd put on her brave face and smile. She had an event to throw, and she'd be damned if she let Katherine ruin it. She was supposed to be _helping_ them…

* * *

><p>Katherine took her seat at the table on the right. It had her picture on it and listed her other works and exhibits. Damon walked over to his table and slid out the chair. He sat down slowly, with some hesitation. He was happy about getting a chance to promote his work, but his head was everywhere <em>but<em> where it needed to be. He couldn't concentrate, and there were three, very good reasons for that.

He hated how Katherine was smiling. He knew her very well; he'd seen her smile thousands of times, and the upward twist of her lips just then was not real or genuine. She was wearing her secret smile and it completely unnerved him. She had the ring, he was sure of it. It was what she planned to _do_ with it that scared him. The crazy glimmer in her eyes suggested she was the only laughing at her private joke.

Secondly, he was distracted by the reason he was seated across from her, his book. If this truly did pick up, if the newspaper came and the news station appeared with cameras, he'd have to talk about it. Sure, he could easily pretend it really was fictional. It would be so much easier to say he'd always loved the idea of castles and dragons as a child than to go into the truly adult content behind those pages.

Two women had been greatly affected by his words. One woman sat at the next to him, checking her fake nails with that superficial look on her face. The other one was smiling bravely, brilliantly as she handed out little dragons to the kids who were now bouncing wildly in line. She was ducking down and shaking their little hands. Her eyes were wide and playful and a brilliant smile danced across her lips. She looked happy, comfortable with the children. His heart mended a little as her maternal side shined. She was going to be an amazing mother. And even though she still carried baby Aria, he couldn't help but picture another kid or two, running around her in circles in a few years.

He exhaled. Elena…the third reason his concentration level was beyond repair. There were thousands of reasons why his heart hurt for her, but seeing how wonderfully strong she was being through all of this encouraged him. She was fearless, most days. He'd done everything in his power to prove to her that nothing could break them. He'd slid the weight of the world off of her shoulders and put it on his own. Her eyes were puffy moments ago, but her smile was _real_ and proud as she sent him a tiny wave from the front of the store. In the heat of this all, he had to remember, none of this would exist without Elena. She was the single most important part of this all.

He'd never have dated Katherine if Elena didn't exist. He'd never have written his book. And as hard as he'd tried years ago, he simply couldn't imagine his life if she never existed. She'd been in his soul for 20 years. They spent the first 10 years of their lives saving each other from things big and small it was easy back then. But the last 10 years had been quite the opposite. They spent a decade trying to save themselves _from_ each other.

This day, as he reflected on a time in his life when things were anything _but_ fairytale like, Elena was his strength. She'd always be his little red dragon, but their story together was anything but over.

She still took his breath away in the easiest of ways. As they worked together in their quiet little bookstore, it was easy to remember how things were as kids. Nothing hurt, nothing mattered for more than five minutes, and the only time she cried back then was when the summer ended.

Little Elena was alive again, smiling and laughing in the aisles of their bookstore. His frustrations fled for a moment as fell in love with memories he'd nearly forgotten.

He remembered the first time she'd forgotten her lunch in fourth grade…the lost look in her eyes when everyone sat down to eat and she wasn't sure what to do with herself.

* * *

><p>"Awww, baby Elena forgot her <em>lunch<em>," the nastiest little girl in their class had teased. Elena had tried to ignore her, but the tears were obvious to Damon. The girl had it out for her. Anything she did was a joke. "Gonna cry about it?"

"No, she didn't," he shrugged. "I forgot my lunch. I was just carrying hers for her," he smiled smartly and nodded at Elena. The little blonde girl frowned, straightening her back. Her eyes shifted slightly and she looked embarrassed. That little girl had a crush on him, he knew. Even then he knew how to play his cards. "So, Jessica, if you're going to make fun of anyone, you can make fun of me."

Elena's little heart lifted at her best friend's gesture. Damon felt proud for what he'd done to save her. It was only the beginning of the sweet moments they'd share.

* * *

><p>He'd been saving her for a lifetime. Sometimes he'd failed and sometimes she just hadn't let him. But moments like these, when he was faced with what his book really meant to him, he realized she'd been saving him all along…even when she was shoeless and dirty, walking down dusty roads drugged up and lost…<p>

Even when it was hard to remember his little friend or even sharing a happy moment with her back then, she was saving him. The memory of what he felt for her swept him away from a life of lies and sadness with the woman next to him. Everything began with Elena and everything would one day end with her, when he was old and moved on to a more peaceful place. The only way he was _ever_ leaving Elena again was when his spirit left his body.

* * *

><p>The first little group lined up in front of his table and he exhaled. The little boy on the other side of the table had tousled brown hair and big green eyes. He looked to be about six.<p>

"Hey buddy," he leaned down to shake his hand. "So you ready my book, huh?" He was great at reading to kids but Elena was so much better just _talking_ to them. He never wanted to make them feel smaller than they were. He knew kids were smarter than they looked. The boy nodded and smiled.

"I like the knight," he said happily. "He's a hero. He's brave and strong. He's awesome."

It was an epiphany of sorts. The little boys' honest words touched him. He hadn't written the knight as very heroic, he didn't think. He never actually saved the dragon. He'd failed lots of times, in fact. The dragon saved herself, really…

But this little boy saw the story in a different way. He supposed that could happen when it was only fictional. The children didn't know the complete mental breakdown the knight was having about the dragon…even now….

Once he started signing, his head cleared slightly. He was laughing and talking to them, but he noticed how unfriendly and careless Katherine was with the children. She didn't even acknowledge them as she slid the silver marker across the page as if she were doing them a favor and not the other way around. She really didn't appreciate the small things in life, he realized. He scoffed, remembering just how bitter she'd become over the years.

She wasn't worth his stress; she was just doing anything to take away his happiness, but he wouldn't let her. Once she saw she wasn't winning, she'd give up the ring…right?

* * *

><p>And for a while, everything was fine. He didn't say a word to her. He just talked to the kids about their favorite parts of the story and thanked them for loving it so much. But his heart came undone when he saw a little boy and girl off in the beanbags laughing with each other as they played with their new stuffed dragons. His gaze flashed to Elena whose eyes were brimming with tears of absolute understanding and pride. And even though she was confused and slightly afraid of the hollow look that had been taken residence in his eyes for the greater part of the last 12 hours, she hadn't forgotten how much he loved her.<p>

The Little Red Dragon was so universal…it could mean many things to different people; he realized now, that the basis for their story might not be as unique as he once thought. Best friends fall in love all the time…maybe those two would find themselves happy together in twenty years.

Life was amazing like that; every generation tried to make its own way, do something better than the previous, but it all came down to one, timeless feeling: love.

But then it happened. Television crews were walking through their door. He expected the Mystic Falls news channel, but not _this_.

Business was booming; it was packed with happy, bouncing kids laughing and talking about his book. Elena was right; this was a good idea for their business. He just wished it hadn't ruined his plans for their personal life.

People were lined up at Katherine's table, but when they asked her questions about The Little Red Dragon, she simply tried to talk about her other works. She wasn't promoting his book at all. She was using this to whore herself out to the media for everything else she'd done…

Her eyes caught on a dark haired reporter in the back of the room and she nodded. He came up to her and the cameraman followed, scooting children out of the way. Elena frowned at their carelessness. This was about the children, not about Katherine. They shouldn't be stepping over little kids to get to her table.

"I'm Logan Fell, and we're at _The Book Nook,_ in Mystic Falls, Virginia, where Katherine Pierce is signing copies of her book The Little Red Dragon_,_" Elena was already frowning and walking over to the scene. Her eyes scanned over the side of the camera. "Extra NYC" was in large, bold lettering. Her eyes widened in horror. She'd said _local_ news…

"Tell us, Ms. Pierce, what inspired this great event?" he leaned the mic down toward her and she smiled. She was loving the attention.

"Well," she smiled for the camera, "I spent a great portion of my life in this little town. I find it humbling to come back to my roots. It's important to remember the past; where you come from; what has made you the way you are," she grinned, darting a smarmy look toward Damon. Lies, all lies. "Isn't it, Damon?"

The cameras turned quickly to Damon whose mouth was gaping. He blinked a few times and the camera zoomed out to fit Elena in the shot, as well. "Yes, we have Damon Salvatore, the man who inspired it all."

"_Inspired_ it?" Elena laughed angrily. And the camera focused in on her face. "Try _wrote_ it. Damon is the author of this book. Katherine illustrated it after he asked her to…you should be talking to Damon," she was heating up now.

Logan Fell chuckled. He lived for this kind of thing; the more drama, the better.

"And Elena Gilbert, little miss _dragon, _if I'm not mistaken," the words were flowing slickly out of his thin mouth. "And baby dragon, too, I see." The camera scanned down to her stomach and her heart sped up. She was caught completely off guard. She wasn't embarrassed, but she didn't' expect to be thrown to the wolves at her own event. How _dare_ Katherine! "Is that your little knight's baby?"

But before the camera caught the flush rising in Elena's cheeks, Damon stood up in front of her, sliding her out of the camera's view.

"Turn these off please," he said calmly at first. He didn't want to frighten the children or make a scene. Katherine hadn't come alone; she'd brought her entire posse of gossip talk hosts and paparazzi. She'd planned the entire thing. She knew she was going to hurt him the whole time and then she'd _still_ stolen the ring…

"Is it true, Elena? Is it true that you lost yourself in a sea of alcohol and men when Damon broke your heart as a teenager? Is it true that this 'knight,'" he threw up air quotes, "This strong knight, Damon, tried to save you for years? Is it true you have a criminal record, Miss Gilbert?" She was being blitzed with questions.

"I..." she eeked out.

"Get out of here," Damon bit out angrily. "Shut these cameras _off_," he warned. His fits tightening.

"Mr. Salvatore, you came up with the story of The Little Red Dragon, correct?"

"Yes, now shut them off," hit bit out seriously. Elena's head peaked out from behind his shoulder and she slid herself back in view. She squeezed his hand in hers, sending him silent reassurance that she was by his side, no matter what.

"Is it true that you left Ms. Pierce, your illustrator, the day before your wedding because you were still in love with your sister Elena? Your characters are mere symbols for a life you couldn't lead, aren't they?" the thin man swallowed and the camera's zoomed out to see their hands linked. Damon's top was about to blow, but he kept it in check. "You wrote children's book based on a sick, twisted romance between step-siblings," the camera zoomed from Logan's quirky half smile to open-mouthed, panting Damon and Elena. Elena's eyes immediately shot to Katherine, who the cameras suddenly seemed to forget about. She watched the wicked, knowing smile on her face.

"That's enough, you may leave now," he raised his voice, putting his hand up to the camera.

"So you don't deny that Elena Gilbert is your step-sister and that you wrote about a relationship you so desperately wanted to repair but could not?," camera flashes were blinding him as he stood with a copy of the book in his free hand. "Do you have any idea how very…"

Damon's mind blanked. There were a few more people questioning him now, accusing him.

"Mr. Salvatore…" he heard the words, heard the questions and the cruel truths being laid out before him, but his mouth was dry and words could not form. He could not deny the truth behind his book. Though it would be easy to say they were misinformed, that his characters were silly, fictional little dreams he had that he knew would make a great book. But what progress would it show…what would it prove? He needed to own what he wrote…all of it. The sad part of it all was that it may hurt more than just sales of his book. It may kill the story all together.

"I said _shut them off!" _He yelled once more, but they just kept pushing. "This is my business and I _can_ ask you to leave…." His chest was heavy with despair.

Elena heard a giggle escape from Katherine's lips. When she turned to her, Katherine winked. And that was it…

Elena walked up to her, "Listen, _BITCH_," she said nastily and some moms around the corner gasped. She gave them apologetic looks. Damon's stomach dropped and his eyes flashed to her in worry. The cameras were on them now and Katherine was a victim of her own game. The children were fleeing to the back of the store now, their parents shielding them from the wickedness being revealed to millions of people on cable TV. She grabbed Katherine's arm and pulled her up out of her seat. It wiped the sick smile right off her pretty little face. But just as Elena was about to continue, she heard Damon clear his throat.

Suddenly, he remembered. He could be strong. He wouldn't let Katherine win, and neither would Elena. And while he was concerned that Elena was about to haul off and slap his ex-fiancé, he formed his statement eloquently. He recovered quickly from his minor breakdown.

"Yes…" he said seriously. The cameras went back to him. "Yes, my characters are based on a true story…a story from a long time ago when a lot of mixed up feelings hurt a lot of people," he began. "My personal life is not really any of your concern, but because I know I'm not wrong, I will tell you." He looked at Elena and she nodded in agreement. "Yes, our parents were married…but our relations ended immediately and did not resume until after they were deceased. Miss Gilbert and I have nothing to be ashamed of." he exhaled. "This book is a story about great friends. No one was _meant_ to know the backstory because it was personal. There is not a single word in this book that will harm children. There are no bad messages. It is not a bad story. I'm sure many fictional books are more real than you think."

"But Mr. Salvatore," Logan laughed, ready to pull out another damaging question, but Damon interrupted. "You must understand…"

"I'm asking you to leave, not because I am embarrassed that you will ruin my reputation or hurt my book. The damage may already be done there," he shrugged. "I ask you to leave because you are disturbing a very important, very local event. We did not ask for this type of media and we do not appreciate it. These children do not need to be plastered all over your gossip media."

The cameras turned off and Logan Fell frowned.

"Would you like me to contact the police, or are you leaving now?" Damon smiled proudly.

"Hey man, freedom of the press," he pointed out. "Besides, we got a tip from Kat. She practically begged us to cover the story. The police will get you nowhere. He walked away, tucking his little notebook into his pocket and calling his cameramen off.

He nodded at Alaric, who silently said he'd handle the signing while Damon handled Elena and Katherine.

* * *

><p>Damon frowned and looked toward Katherine but she was already being dragged down the hallway into the back office, practically tripping over her heels. He ran up to the door but it was locked.<p>

"Hey, Elena, come on, unlock this!" his hand slid down the door.

"No, we're having a conversation!" She yelled. "I can handle this. I can handle her."

"Don't be…ugh…_Elena_…" he was aggravated and scared at the same time. He was terrified Katherine was going to show her the ring, but he knew demanding that she open the door would send her into angry-mode quickly. He couldn't step on her toes…

"Please don't listen," she pled. "I promise I'm fine."

"Okay…" he held his hands up and walked away from the door. Ric was handling the signing, getting kids their dragons and apologizing to the parents.

"Damon…" Alaric said, sighing. "You okay? Elena okay?"

"Not sure," he said honestly. "If I'm being truthful, I have absolutely no idea what is happening. She's in that office and she won't let me in. Kat has the ring and who knows what she'll do with it now. Nothing makes sense right now." He watched at the little children ran around the store.

He hadn't scared them off after all….

Damon stood at the front of the store and spoke loudly, above the madness. "I'm sorry for what happened here today. This was meant to be a family event. What happened today should've never happened. I hope you accept my apology and will still shop our store," he frowned. What were they thinking? Did he disgust them now? "I'd like to finish…" he swallowed. "I'd like to read you my story and sign your books, if you'll let me." He said seriously.

Parents looked at each other and slowly nodded for their children to line back up. A half-hearted smile graced his face. He was able to overcome this. Katherine wouldn't beat them _here_. His heart was in that office, hugging Elena…

But in the office, Elena _wasn't_ smiling.

* * *

><p>She cleared her throat. "Listen, <em>bitch<em>," she started again. "You've got a lot of nerve pulling a stunt like that. What makes you think you have the right to bring that kind of media into my business? How _dare _you use his book against him again! How dare you hurt him! You were _invited_ here…you are a guest."

"Yes, I'm so evil to bring TV cameras to your little bookstore. God forbid we cause a stir in this little town!" She waved her arms around. She was certain she had the upper hand, but she'd soon find out she was very wrong. "Ever think that sometimes drama fuels sales? Everyone will want to read this book now," she waggled her eyebrows. "I'm a fucking genius, Elena. You can thank me any time now,"

"I don't believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth," she laughed. "I asked you here on the very wrong assumption that this book really _did_ mean more to you than you made it seem. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Like you said, it's your start. You have the audacity to agree to 'help' us and then you screw us over with celebrity gossip media? Really nice, Katherine. To think I actually felt _bad_ for you…" she laughed.

"Yeah, right, as if you would feel bad for anyone. You march around here all sweet and innocent looking, but I know better. You're gloating. You think you won, but I've got news for you, honey. He could still leave you…there's _no_ ring on your finger…" she smiled, gripping the box in her pocket. "But even if you did have a ring, it doesn't mean you'll really make it to the alter. Don't believe it until you hear him say 'I do,' because… " she shook her head and smiled bitterly. Her voice trailed off and Elena heard the hurt vibrating from her words. She was speechless now as Katherine continued,

"For some reason, Damon acts like you walk on water. He spent years pining after you and you were off fucking random men. Kind of silly, isn't it? Especially since you're the model for a children's story…"

But her words would do nothing. She continued,

"Damon had his head half up his ass over you…and I see that hasn't changed. It's like you're the second coming or something. From the way Damon was so lovesick for you, I half expected the gates of heaven to open and a choir of angels to sing your praises when I saw you the first time I came in the store a few months ago," her words were quick, nasty. "But it turns out you're still just a conniving little slut who never got out of Damon's head. Look at the mistake he made with you." she pointed to her stomach. "Some angel _you_ are," but Kat's heart was hurting as the baby entered her mind. She would be nasty because it was easier than breaking down. "You ruined his future. He didn't _want_ kids…"

Not with her, at least.

Her words were strong, jabbing. But Elena never broke. She saw the start of something unraveling in Kat's brown eyes, but she said it anyway. "I _am_ his future. _We_ are his future," she touched her stomach. There it was again…Kat's glitch. Elena was putting the pieces together quickly now. She remembered Damon telling her he never wanted kids with Katherine…

Katherine was cruel. She'd tried to publically embarrass them in front of millions of viewers simply to get back at Damon for leaving her, Elena was sure. But there was something broken inside of her, too. There had to be for her to still be so riled up. There was more to it than the simple fact that Damon left her the day before their wedding. And if it had anything to do with what she _thought_ it did, she wouldn't push buttons. Katherine's shot at motherhood had been readily dismissed by the same man who'd gotten her pregnant the first night he was with her…

"You think I don't know that?" Katherine shook her head bitterly. "I full understand that Damon is still wrapped tightly around your little finger. He's at your disposal," she swallowed. "But what I _don't_ understand is how you could've ever pushed a man like Damon away? Not that it matters. He's a yo-yo when it comes to you…mindlessly tugged up toward you over and over again."

Elena froze. She was not expecting that to come from Katherine's lips. She figured on angry, bitter cuts and jabs at her. "I.." her brows dipped. Katherine was still angry with Elena for _hurting_ Damon? So it wasn't just jealousy…

"You threw him away, Elena! He kept trying to save you for years and you told him 'no' every time. You wanted what you couldn't have. When he wouldn't give it to you, you had a hissy fit. You were supposed to go away…you were supposed to be gone forever. He was _mine_," she screamed loudly now and Elena blinked back her astonishment. Katherine was having a full on mental-breakdown. "He was mine, but I was never his…." She pinched her temple and looked away. Elena was certain she saw a tear rolling down Katherine's cheek. Katherine continued, "I didn't mean to love him, I…" her breath was wild, angry. "But how could I not? So I did everything I could to show him how important he was to me…I thought. He loved me, I thought. He said he did…but he lied. We saw you at the hospital and suddenly everything started to die between us. Everything I'd worked for. After I'd let myself feel something for someone…" she shook her head. "Any hope I had for us was gone the moment he breathed your name," she was gritting her teeth and tears were welling in her eyes. "I lost him the second he saw you again. All the formalities came after that, but they were forced, fake. I have proof," she winced, feeling the box again. "He closed himself off from me,"

"Because you made him feel like shit for something he was proud of!" Elena yelled. "He asked you to help him with that book and you took more credit for it than he did," she opened it and pointed to the text. "I know what you did. I know you know people just like _I_ do in New York. I know you worked something out…got more royalties than he did. Do you know how much he trusted you? He believed in you and you failed him. You may have let yourself love him, but you didn't know how to love him right. No woman, in her right mind, would intentionally hurt the man she loves just to get him to love her back."

Elena clutched her stomach. She was getting too worked up. Was that fear on Kat's pretty face, or worry?

"Ooh, a smart slut," she bit out. No trace of tears was on her face; they'd welled and dried. Maybe she'd imagined it, Elena thought.

"Just shut up and listen to me," Elena screamed. "I get that he hurt you but you took it _too_ far today," she warned. "As if making him feel guilty about his book the first time around wasn't enough. Now you go and do it all over again, a year later!" She laughed angrily. "And you have the balls to bring our baby into this. Business is one thing, but for God's _sake_, Katherine. Take it up with a lawyer. Don't come in here, pretending to help us and try to ruin our lives and our business. This is none of _your_ business."

"Admit it," she screamed. "Admit that you liked having him at your whim. You _liked_ when he begged you stop what you were doing then years ago. You wanted him to try to save you just so you could still feel special, even though you were dirty and drunk half the time. You wanted to torture him. It made you feel good," Kat yelled.

"Fine!" Elena opened her arms in honesty, flailing them around. "Yes, I wanted him to chase me. I wanted him to love me…of _course_ I did. But I don't owe you this explanation. I don't _have_ to tell you any of this. I'm saying it because I'm okay with it. I get it, he gets it…everyone does. But it's over. It doesn't matter anymore. I get that you hate me. It's fine, I guess, if you're happy living with that for the rest of your life. But what you fail to realize is, I _never_ made a move on him when you were with him. He didn't leave you because I asked him to. He left you a _year_ before I even saw him again…"

"You didn't have to try. You were already between us. Do you know how long it took before he'd look me in the eye when we had sex after he saw you at that hospital? Elena, for a _month_ he kept his eyes closed."

"I don't want…" Elena looked away, uncomfortable. The thought of them in bed was horrifying.

"Do you know he moaned your name when he came, Elena? It happened just months before we were engaged! You think we barely know each other but I know entirely too much about you. More than I _want_ to know. You were on Damon's little pedestal the entire time we were together, I was just too stupid and oblivious to get that at first," she licked her lips before she explained.

"I'm Katherine Pierce. I'm powerful. I get my way. I was supposed to have him. I was supposed to win," She yelled. Elena gulped. Katherine was melting down. She was utterly losing it before her. She was angry with her, but she also felt a little sad for her. It was painfully obvious that she'd been hanging onto this for a long time. What had finally pushed it out of her?

And why, of all people, had she chosen Elena to scream it to? Deep down she knew why; she knew Elena would listen.

She inhaled sharply. She would not feel sympathy for long. This woman was still the devil. She wouldn't her sensitive side overcome her, pregnancy hormones or not.

"So what am I supposed to _do_ about it, Katherine? What the hell do you want me to say now? Do you want me to apologize? I already have, to _him_. He's the only one who deserves an apology from me. And that's between the two of us. Everything I apologized for happened before he even heard your name. Damon has always been a part of my life. I will not apologize for what I share with him," she breathed. "I've apologized to myself. I do not owe you _anything_. I did not _call_ him. I did not text him. I did nothing to make him leave you. I sent him _away_ from me because I couldn't love him right. We were poison to each other," she screamed. Her voice was raw. This conversation was _not_ easy. "I stayed away. I tried to move on with my life, and let him move on with his… but it didn't _work…_for either of us," Elena screamed. "And I'm not sorry that we're back together. I'm not sorry that I'm pregnant."

"You owe _me_ an apology," Katherine bit out quickly.

"For _what?_!" Elena yelled back. "I did not make him love me! I never said a _thing_ to him. I saw you together at the hospital and I kept my mouth shut. Do you know I wanted to tell him I was better? Do you know I wanted him to know I'd stopped doing what I'd been doing with random men…that I might be ready to love him…but I didn't, because he had _you_. He was holding your hand, looking at you and smiling. Not me."

Katherine looked away briefly at Elena's confession. She was supposed to be pushing Elena to her breaking point. She was supposed to make her feel guilty and break her down to her lowest point before she delivered the blow about the ring. But now Elena spoke with borderline compassion. It shocked Katherine to hear her say something almost _nice_ to her. Elena wasn't supposed to make her feel like this…sad and vindicated. She was almost freed by her admissions. She hadn't cried about it in front of anyone, but now the tears were stinging her eyes again.

She hated that Elena was turning out _exactly_ like Damon had said. She was compassionate and strong…she envied her.

"I'm sorry that you ended up getting hurt…I know what it feels like to love him and feel like you mean nothing…but you cannot hold that against me. Damon makes his own decisions."

Damn it. Elena Gilbert really _was_ a nice person. She had to cover this and fast! She needed to be snarky, bitchy. There was still a chance she could keep the upper hand.

"Bullshit," she laughed. "Damon Salvatore has never loved anyone but you."

"As mean as this is going to sound, I hope you're right," she said honestly. "I'm sorry you ended up hurt, I am…but I am not sorry that I love him. I'm not sorry that he wrote his book and changed the ending. I think I _am_ sorry that I invited you here. I'm sorry I trusted you. Damon said not to…but I thought maybe he was just jaded…" she paused, letting her think it over.

"See, it doesn't matter _what_ I felt back then. I'm always the bad guy because I'm not you. No matter what I feel, it's wrong. You completely closed yourself off from him and he went to you like a moth to a flame. I was _engaged_ to him and he walked out the door like he had somewhere better to be."

"So what kind of marriage would you have had if he'd gone through with it? He'd still feel the same way, even if you were wearing his ring. You should be happy he broke it off. You would've been in more pain if he hadn't. Damon and I were always meant to be and that hurts you because you know it's true, doesn't it?"

"Don't talk to me like you understand me," she scoffed. It was unnerving the way Elena looked at her.

"You and I are more alike than you may think," Elena frowned. She didn't want to admit it but it was clearly the truth. "And yet you're so quick to call me out on my past. We both loved him. I hurt Damon. You hurt Damon. We both did it intentionally. He left both of us, Katherine." She said seriously. "We both had a breakdown about it…and from what I gather from this conversation, we both hid the fact that it was killing us," Katherine frowned. Elena was right. She was so very right and she hated it.

"When all is said and done, you blame me because it's easier. But you see the things you hate about yourself when you look at me, don't you? You can find my faults so easily, but you struggle to admit your wrongdoings. But look at me, Kat. This is not the face of a woman who _died_ when Damon Salvatore walked out of my life. I thought I did…but I was better before I was with him again. Give yourself a chance. Apologize to him. You owe him that. What happened between you two is none of my business…I'm _not_ his wife…" she swallowed harshly. "But I expect you to stay out of _our_ lives and our family. You _can't_ win this time, Kat."

"None of that will help me," she shrugged.

"So you're just going to spend your life hating me, hating Damon, hating our baby? You're going to waste your time. Nothing's going to change. You aren't hurting us right now…you're hurting yourself. You have a chance to just let go of this. Do yourself a favor and stop pretending. Yell, scream, whatever you have to do…and then just get over it, okay? You'll never have a chance to really open your heart to someone else if you're wrapped up in my family."

Heartbreak…Kat was a small, heartbroken woman who didn't know how to properly release her emotions. It was that simple. Her anger, nastiness all stemmed from improper release. Elena knew a thing or two about that…

"Stop doing that," Katherine yelled. "Stop being nice to me."

This woman was too pure…too gentle to someone she was supposed to hate…

"Why? Because it makes you realize I'm not the monster you thought I was?" She paused, waiting for a response. But one never came. "Trust me, you make it very difficult to be nice," she smiled crazily, "I'm not your friend. We'll never be friends, I'm sure. I just…" she sighed, "I get it, okay? And as much as you _don't_ deserve any sympathy for what you did to him…I wouldn't want anyone to sink as low as I did. No one deserves to feel like they aren't worthy of love."

Katherine huffed, ignoring her kindness. "You stole my life, Elena…my fiancé, my non-existent baby…" she pointed. She reached her hand into her pocket and felt the ring box. This was it. She couldn't let Elena just sneak under her skin, too. She was supposed to be hurting her, hurting them.

Katherine's lips turned upward, bitterly. "My ring…" she continued. And that was it. A tear forced its way through the thick mascara on her eyelashes and down her cheek, leaving a black trail. Could she really do it? Could she break this woman's heart?

"What?" Elena breathed. The word came out as an exhale and she blinked.

* * *

><p>Damon finally bust through the door. He'd heard the last few minutes of the conversation and he knew it was time. He had to interrupt. He looked tired, worn. He wrapped his arm around Elena and eyed Katherine warily.<p>

Katherine felt sick. Elena had almost _freed_ her. This catfight had turned into words of encouragement and she hated how it made her feel. It made it so much harder to hate Elena.

She didn't want to see good in her. It was easier to be angry with her than it was to be angry with herself for hurting Damon. It was always easy to place the blame elsewhere. But what she'd said about them being similar had really sunk in. Elena understood her.

Sometimes the person you're really angry with, the person you hate the most, is yourself…

"You okay?" He looked in her shaky eyes. They were filled with confusion.

_Ring_. _Ring_. What ring?

"Don't worry, I'm going," Kat wiped her black tear track from her cheek and Damon frowned. He'd never seen her cry, not really. Yet the screaming and yelling he'd heard coming from the room had drawn out tears. She'd cried in front of Elena for the years she couldn't cry in front of him. It struck something in him.

"Wait," Elena said quickly. "Talk," her eyebrows dipped. "Talk to each other. It's okay…"

She was giving him freedom. She trusted him. They were stronger now; they'd beaten this. She wasn't sure she trusted Katherine, but she at least understood her a little more than she used to. She was still angry with her. She would probably always be a little sad that Damon had forced himself into a life with someone simply because she'd hurt him so badly.

But they needed this. The crazy, lost look in Damon's eyes told her so. She wasn't afraid anymore. Damon was hers, forever. A two hour conversation would not change that. Nothing would.

"Lena…" his voice warned. He knew he had to talk to Katherine. He needed to get that ring back, and talking to her was the only way he'd ever have a chance. He didn't her to see how weak he was, but when it came to Elena, he didn't care who saw him cry. If it meant he could put that ring on Elena's finger, he'd do anything….

He had no idea what was running through Elena's mind. It worried him. Was she really okay?

"Please, Damon," she kissed him on the cheek. She was oblivious to what was turning in his mind. She had absolutely _no_ idea that he was ready to rip Katherine into shreds if she didn't produce what he wanted. "I'll meet you back home later,"

But something Katherine had said caught her off guard. She'd mentioned a ring…

He sighed, "Okay…" he nodded and she turned to leave. "Elena…" he called out seriously. "I love you."

"I love you," she smiled. But her eyes turned to Katherine, whose cheek was wet with another honest tear. "Bye, Kat," she gave her a reminding smile, but she only looked away.

It was time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! Okay, now that the drama with this chapter is over, what does everyone think of Katherine and Elena's conversation? A lot happened. I guess we'll see if Damon can get the ring back. The next chapter is very Damon and Katherine heavy. He needs to fight his demon when it comes to her. **

**Elijah will be appearing again soon, so keep your eyes peeled. **

**Thank you for your thoughts and your time. As always, I greatly appreciate it! **


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Prepare yourself for dialogue. There is some serious hashing of emotions that has to take place here. Damon and Elena both have serious conversations with people other than each other in this one. We already knew Damon would be talking to Katherine, but Elena gets a surprise, as well. This is a very important chapter in that it's freeing them from a lot of inner baggage that's been holding them back.**

**Katherine is a mystery to me, as well. She's done enough to make me dislike her, but the reasoning behind her nastiness is heartbreaking. She's one of those people who just is the way she is. You can feel bad for her and dislike her at the same time. **

**Thank you for reading! I was happy to have time to work on this and post it without a big gap in updates. Thanks for the reviews.**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 24**

Elena sat in the cushioned rocking chair in Aria's nursery. Sitting still was not an option; not with the emotions running through her system. The back and forth motion soothed her.

"I wish you were here with me," Elena whispered to the baby as she touched her stomach. "I wish I could really hold you right now and look into your pretty eyes. Are they blue? I hope they are…" her words trailed off as she inhaled shakily. Damon had always been the one to talk to the baby. He'd pour his heart out to her stomach and she'd watch him with loving eyes.

But for the first time since she'd known she was pregnant, she was crying to her baby. It wasn't hysterical, gut-wrenching sobbing. It was two streams of tears falling down her cheeks and landing on her rounded stomach. They fell not out of sorrow, not out of fear. They were tears of a woman knew she was blessed.

"I am sorry if you heard me yelling. I'm not an angry person, really. But I don't like when people are mean to your daddy. He's a good man," she stopped rambling. It was more for herself than Aria, she knew. She smiled again, switching topics. "I am _so_ happy to know you," she swallowed. "We're going to make this life right. I promise you. You will never have to pay for my past mistakes."

She was so lucky to have Damon and Aria. Katherine wasn't the only one who'd had her eyes opened during their disagreement. She'd always known she was lucky. Damon had told her just how much he'd missed her while she was gone all of those years, but hearing it out of the lips of the woman who'd _witnessed_ it made it more real. He hadn't exaggerated. If anything, he'd played it down to her.

Katherine had been in a pretend relationship for two years. Damon had _never_ stopped loving Elena. It was your classic, forced relationship. She almost felt _bad_ for Katherine. It was good to leave when she did. She really didn't want to be a witness to what they had to say or _scream_ to each other.

She was certain the argument with Katherine had been quite enough stress for one day. But she'd stood her ground, and she was proud of that.

She felt Aria kick and a rush of happiness whizzed through her. "You're happy, too? Daddy's off taking care of everything now. In a matter of months, when you're in our arms, looking back at us and smiling, we won't even remember how hard it was to get here," she whispered.

She wiped the happy tears away when she heard a knock at her front door. Who would knock? It wasn't Damon, he'd come right in. It was his house, too. Alaric, maybe?

But when she opened the door with her red cheeks, she was met with a warm embrace that had held her thousands of time. Her face pressed against a cold, metal nameplate that read "Parks." Her breath hitched in her throat. Why was he here? He should be home resting, _not_ wearing his nameplate. He was in jeans and a thick, navy blue coat that his name was pinned on.

"Eli," she breathed, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "What are you doing here?" He smiled and looked down at her stomach. It was a _lot_ bigger than the last time he'd seen her.

"I was checking in on my Mother. She asked me to visit, but I didn't want to bother you so I didn't say anything about being in Virginia. Then I saw you on TV, Elena," he swallowed. "I heard what they said about your past, about you and Damon…his story," he cleared his throat. "_Your_ story."

"And…" she frowned. She hadn't bothered to turn on the TV. Had they really aired it that fast? It had only been a few hours.

"I saw how brave you were, how strong Damon was for you. His words…" he paused. "Elena, I remember. I remember everything. It's been coming back in bits and pieces, but it's time I come forward to you. I started remembering about 3 weeks ago." Her eyes widened. She was horrified and happy at the same time. There was a time they weren't sure he'd ever remember all of the details about his life.

What did this mean, now? And again, why was he wearing his nameplate? He shouldn't be working…

"Oh, Elijah…" heart sank, and then soared. After the day she'd had, it was hard to tell the difference. "Are you still angry with me?" She wasn't blaming herself, just simply checking on his state of mind.

"No," he said simply, effortlessly, but hen didn't elaborate as quickly. He asked if he could come into her house and she stepped aside so he could do so. A part of her was afraid of him. It was an emotion she never thought she'd feel when it came to Eli. But he'd been reckless. If he truly did remember how he felt about her, if he still felt crazy, dangerous, she wasn't sure what he'd do to her.

"Where's Damon?" He sat down on her couch. The cushion sank in easily and he smiled, comfortable to be near her.

"At work, dealing with something," she chose the easy road, afraid anything more might set him off. If Elijah was really back, she was sure he'd have some snarky comment about Damon off talking to Katherine. She bit her lip, frowning. "Eli…" she inhaled, "why are you wearing your nameplate? You aren't back on duty so soon, are you?"

His eyes saddened quickly and he shook his head, "No. No of course not. I'm not...they won't let me. They said I'm not ready," he touched the back of his neck slowly, grazing over the scarred skin. "My mistakes will remain with me forever. I suppose I deserve the reminder," his bottom lip pushed out slowly into a half-pout and his eyes floated from the soft carpet up to her as he waited for her response. When he met her frightened gaze, his fears were confirmed.

"Say something, Elena," he exhaled, sending a hot puff of air into his hands. His index fingers were now pressed into the corners of his eyes. Elena was seated across the room from him, her toes pointing down on the ground. His eyes widened and it was clear. "You're afraid of me," he blinked a few times, worried.

"Not afraid, just a little cautious," she admitted. "We weren't on the best of terms when," she smiled nervously. "I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to us, Elijah," the corner of her lip rose a little in a half-smile. He didn't seem angry, just nostalgic now. "What you said to me just before…and what you did out there scare me," she nodded. "You've never been reckless like that."

"I was completely irresponsible with myself and the crowd. Trust me. I'll never do something that stupid again, if I'm ever given the chance. And as for you…" his lips took their turn at a half-smile, and for the first time in months, Elena saw her friend again. "Well… I hope you aren't too angry with me for being in love with you," his words ended in a forced to swallow, and her eyes squeezed shut. It was the last thing she wanted to hear from him. But did she expect it to just go away? "Yes, I still am," the room was silent except for his stilling words.

"I'm sorry you love me," she said softly, her eyes sad and forgiving. How strange.

"You didn't do anything wrong," his hands came together in his lap; the backs of his forearms rested on his knees. "You don't owe me an apology. I accept what I've been given and what I haven't."

"I guess I don't understand what you mean by that."

"Well, you just kind of fell into my lap eight years ago. Not literally, of course," he smiled. "I didn't overanalyze my feelings for you back then, Elena. I went from having no distractions in college to having _you_, a smart-mouthed, wild and beautiful girl. I had an automatic 'somebody' for everything. You were always there with me, for me…I didn't have a reason to dig deeper and ask myself what you really meant to me. Then you were gone."

"I wasn't emotionally available, Elijah. And I never got the indication that you wanted more," she pressed her lips together firmly. "We were so good as friends. We still could be."

He pushed his hands on his knees and stood. "Can I ask you something without it sounding like I'm begging you or pressuring you?" She nodded and he continued, "if I had realized how I felt back then…do you think you could've loved me, too?"

This wasn't something she was comfortable talking about. The truth was she knew the answer. Her gut-reaction to that question was a sad 'no.' As normal and _sane_ as Elijah looked in that moment, she'd still let him know in a gentle way. There was no sense in leaving 'what if's' dangling in the air. If she wanted to repair things with him she needed to use absolute honesty. Life would've been a lot easier back then if her heart could've just loved someone other than Damon.

But easy wasn't what Elena Gilbert knew; her heart didn't let her off _easily_….

"I think I would've been lucky to let a man like you love me," she began gently. "But I think its better we never went there. I was no good for you, Elijah. Not as more than a best friend. I'd just decided I wanted to learn to love _myself_ again," she looked at him carefully, noting the understanding in his eyes. "But I couldn't have loved you back," the words came out like a sad song. It wasn't easy letting him down, but the fact that he hadn't once raised his voice this go-around eased her worries. "Not the way you would've wanted me to."

The message echoed the same thing she'd said to Katherine about Damon. She and Damon were loveable people, she knew. It wasn't an impossible thought that others would want them; they both could be living very different, very separate lives right now. But anytime she even thought of the word 'love' she could only see blue eyes. How happy she was that life wouldn't let them give up on their chance!

"I know I've been leery of Damon…but I know you were right when you said I blamed him for your behavior back then. Maybe I was in love with you the whole time…that would explain the rose-tinted glasses when it came to your behavior. My Elena could do no more wrong," he smiled knowingly. "But I've been through hell by my own doing. I've caused myself pain as you did to yourself back then. Mine was more reckless, perhaps, but the goal was the same: to be numb. Blaming Damon for your pain is like me blaming _you_ for getting shot in the neck," he nodded. "And that's something I just won't do, because it's not true at all."

Elijah's eyes were stilled, fixated on her.

"This is a nice conversation," she thought aloud. "I'm happy we aren't screaming at each other. It could've gone so many other ways, and frankly, after the day I've had…" she shook her head. It wasn't the time to mention that again.

"I'm not trying to convince you to love me," he assured her. "God knows I'd be a madman to try to come between you two again. But I don't know how to deal with my feelings, either. I miss you. I want so badly to go back to the way things used to be…when I was the only man you depended on. It's selfish, I know. It's hard to know that _he's_ the only reason you ever really got as close to me as you did."

"Come on, Eli. You know that's not true. And no, we can't go back to the way things were before Damon was back in my life," she whispered, seriously. "He is my number one. I'm sorry if that hurts to hear. I get it, I do," she nodded. "I've heard it before and I obviously didn't handle it well. I hope you understand that I really do want our friendship back, Elijah. Just because I love Damon doesn't mean I can't have friends. I just need to know that you respect that. I need you to promise me that you understand and respect that I am with Damon now,"

He nodded slowly.

"I will always be with Damon. So please…" she took his hand, and pulled him back down on the couch to sit next to her. She could hear his shallow breath. She made him nervous, she realized. The thought sent a strange feeling to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't place it at first, the feeling. But slowly she realized; it wasn't a foreign feeling at all. That pain in the bottom of her stomach was closure.

"Please don't ever ask me again. The answer will be the same,"she whispered. She was confident that it was the right thing to say, but her throat still ached. Leading him on in anyway would make it worse. And if he truly was still on edge, she feared what he could do if she broke his heart a second time.

"I won't," his stomach dropped, too, echoing her inner thoughts. "But I think I need some time away from you. I miss you, but seeing you with him makes me miss you more. It reminds me of the things we'll never be. Forgive me for going away for a while…back to New York?"

"That's your home. Of course you'll go back. You have a life there…people to save,"

"Or endanger," he frowned, his lip pulled back into an awkward smile. Maybe it was easier for him to joke about his pain, she thought. But she'd have none of that.

"Is your heart still in it? Your work, I mean," Her breath came out hot. It felt strange; as if they were hanging on by a thread. They were saying the longest goodbye. "You are so good at what you do."

"Joe said I need time off. More than two months. He said it's not uncommon to feel angry when something like this happens. At first I thought it was because I couldn't remember details. I understood that I wouldn't be any good if my mind wasn't clear. But when I started clearing up and connecting point A to point B, I realized there was more to it than that. He thinks I have PTSD…and maybe I do," his voice was faint, very unlike the Elijah she laughed with at her community service. "It'll be a while before I get back into it…maybe I never will. Part of me thinks I won't."

"Then you'll find something else," she encouraged. "_Someone_ else," it came out as a careful whisper. She didn't want to push him, but the thought of her friend being lonely and forever in love with her broke her heart. "Not everyone ends up doing what they always thought they would."

"You did," he smiled, happily. His words were sincere, not sarcastic. "You have Damon and your bookstore. I bet you pictured that life when you were 18. I'm sure the journey there was much different than you thought back then, but the end result seems to be the same."

"He's been the only real life I've ever led. All the rest just brought me back to him. That doesn't mean my time with you wasn't special," she said quickly,"It's not like I couldn't live without him…it's not that way. I just don't want to. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be," he shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I think I do, but you do, too." she furrowed. "You were so angry with me. I felt like I disappointed you. And while I understood your accident wasn't really my fault, I guess I've still felt the weight of it. I was afraid of you, Elijah. I was afraid _for _you when you screamed at me….afraid for my baby," and there it was. "You were angry with me when I told you I'm pregnant. You made me feel like garbage, Eli. You've never hurt me so badly as you did when you told me I 'fucked up.'" But she could say the words calmly because she saw the source of his anger was gone now. It didn't need to be more dramatic than it already was.

"That was my jealousy," he shook his head. "The thought of you carrying his child, being forever tied to the man who I secretly prayed I'd _saved_ you from…that killed me. I wanted the credit for your healing. I encouraged you to 'save yourself' but with each big step you took my heart grew. You were never just a little girl in community service, Elena. Before I realized it you were already a huge part of my life," he paused. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and said those things. No amount of jealousy or envy in the world justifies hurting you. It was just easier than hurting myself…until…"

"No more, unless you need to. I understand and I forgive you. We're fine by me, if we're fine by you," she squeezed his hand. She was so understanding these days, he thought. For years he'd been the brave one, scraping her off the ground and dusting her off. And for the first time in their friendship, he needed _her_ encouragement.

"I never meant to love you," he swallowed. "I never meant to ruin us. And as hard as I want to, no one compares." It was an apology without the real words.

"Maybe if you'd stop comparing," she whispered. Her voice was raspy again. "No woman wants to be compared to anyone, Elijah. It won't do you any good to bring me up."

Maybe he was as much like Damon as Katherine was Elena, she realized. Strong for her for so long, now weak in her arms. She sent a silent wish out that Elijah would accept her new life.

"You look tired. I'm sure you're still recovering. Did you have a good visit with your Mom?" She changed the subject, but he was quickly back on track.

"Always," he smiles. "I owe Damon an apology, too," he admitted. "We aren't best friends, that much is clear," The words came freely from his mouth, as if he hadn't thought about them long before he said them. "But I guess if you love him, I should try." He smiled, calmly. Nothing scary flickered in his eyes this time. "I'll catch him next time."

She nodded, encouraged by his gentleness. The world would fall into a sweet balance if Elijah and Damon really _could_ be friends one day. There was no telling the teasing they'd put her through.

But those dreams were dashed when she remembered he'd said he needed space. Maybe some real distance would allow them to fall back into place again. Voluntary space was brave; he wasn't angrily running from her. That had to be a good sign, didn't it?

"Will you visit me when the baby is born?" She asked, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. It was a long shot. This baby wasn't exactly his idea of a good time, she knew. But if they were being honest, she needed him to know she still wanted him around when he was ready.

"Yes, Elena," He didn't even have to think long on it. Maybe he'd been planning to visit her all along; she wasn't sure.

"Aria would like to meet you," she touched her stomach. "I know it's a lot to ask. Maybe it's unfair of me to ask you to try to be a part of my life, our lives. But just as you can't bear to see me with him, I can't bear the thought of never seeing you again. Yes, I love Damon. It's always been Damon," she smiled. "But for _years_ you were the man I could look up to. I'd like my daughter to know you. I think you'd make a fine _uncle_ to her." He'd always been a brother to Elena…

"Daughter," he breathed. "Aria?" it was so raw. It was like a light turned on within him. She nodded. "It's a pretty name," he continued. "Maybe one day this will all be easy for me, Elena. Only time will tell, I suppose. It's hard to wrap my head around you with a baby. I keep seeing that silly orange jumpsuit thingy on you and…" he winked. His eyes lightened and she sighed, relieved.

"She can hear now, you know. Don't you go telling her Mommy's biggest secrets before she's born," she teased. "Honestly."

"I can see you're in a good place, Elena," he nodded. "I guess that's all I ever really wanted for you. That place is not with me. I need to accept that, and I will. Please just have patience with me. I think I'll always need you, too. I just need to remind myself how."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank You for visiting," she swallowed. "It was so nice seeing you. And even thought it makes it harder, I'm glad you remember everything. Call me when you're ready, okay? In the meantime, I'll be having this baby." She frowned, nervously.

"Pouty mouth," he winked. "Good luck, Elena," he did not kiss her cheek as he used to be in the habit of doing. "We'll just say 'so long,' he walked to the door and clicked it open.

"You never said why you have your nameplate on," she frowned, calling down the sidewalk to her front door. He stopped and turned, slowly.

"I guess I'm just afraid I'll forget who I am again," he admitted. Was it a joke? He'd never really forgotten who _he_ was...

But as his eyes looked almost misty, Elena knew there was _nothing_ funny about his words. "It can happen, you know."

She swallowed…her throat hot and achy. Silence hung in their goodbye. She inhaled sharply and waved with a small nod. "So long Eli."

When he was gone, she resumed sitting in that padded rocking chair, speaking softly to Aria as if the world hadn't just changed again. She needed a vacation, she realized. The amount of drama that had happened in a 24 hour window was just too much, and she didn't know the _half_ of it.

* * *

><p>In the quiet, empty little bookstore, Damon dealt with that other half. The event was cleaned up; despite the crash of tabloid media, they'd done just fine. He wasn't sure what the results would be, but the damage was done, he supposed.<p>

He ran a single hand through his hair and stared at a silent Katherine as that black trail of mascara stained her cheek. His anger was insurmountable; finding the words to approach her with was nearly impossible. He could explode with anger and resentment and maybe even guilt over her. She was the most materialistic, shallow woman he'd ever known, and yet, he'd chosen to be with her at once point…

She wiped the tear from her cheek and turned her head so he wouldn't see the next one sliding down. Her wrist was stained with black mascara, too, as her skin had tried to absorb the tears. When she looked up at him, her face wasn't snarky or conniving. It was sad, hollow.

"Are you happy with yourself?" His throat was rough, raw. It gave no indication of feeling. "Do you feel good that you tried to ruin everything today?" He stared at her and her eyes dipped. "Notice I said _tried_. Your attempt today was ridiculous, Katherine. It was low, even for you. I don't even understand it, really. It's your book, too, if you remember. But I guess you weren't trying to hurt the _book_, were you? You just used that as a way to get to us."

She stayed still. "It didn't work," he smiled. "No matter what you do, it won't work, Katherine. You said you don't want me, but it's hard for me to believe that when you pull stunts like this. How about you grow up and try honesty for a change,"

She scoffed and her tears were drying quickly. She hadn't said a word.

"I see you're _crying_," he said emotionlessly. "That's new to me."

"Of course it is," she finally bit out. "I never let you see my cry for a _reason_. But now it doesn't matter anymore. I could cry for days and you wouldn't blink an eye. If I did, you'd probably laugh. You feel nothing more for me than anger, right?"

"Right," he nodded. "See, you're lying. You say you don't want me back…that this is pure revenge, but your actions here suggest otherwise. Look what you've done today! Tabloid media? Stolen heirlooms? Come on, Kat. That screams bitter ex. Who looked like the bigger fool today? "

"I don't want you!" She yelled. "I'm done wanting a man who doesn't want me back,"

"So you just want to hurt me then," he nodded in understanding. "For absolutely no reason other than the fact that I hurt you," it was clear now. "How much damage can you try to do before you realize it's not going to get you anywhere? You were trying to hurt more than just me today,"

She rolled her eyes. She knew what was coming and frankly, she didn't want to hear it. Especially not after Elena had ripped emotions out of her that she didn't even know she had.

"You were trying to hurt Elena, too, and our baby, weren't you? I can understand your problems with me. We have a lot of issues to talk about here, but first I'd like to say, Elena has _nothing_ to do with this. She didn't deserve to be humiliated out there like that!"

"The fact that you two felt 'humiliated,' as you put it, proves that you actually _did_ have something you were ashamed of," she pointed out.

"We were caught off guard. You came into _our_ place and tried to destroy us. You really don't understand boundaries, Kat," he paused. "And then the whole ring thing. Why are you doing that to her? She hasn't done a thing to you to deserve unhappiness. You need to get over it and realize that. Do you know how much trouble you could get in for what you've done?"

"So turn me in," she dared him. "It'd be perfect, right? I'd really be the fool then. I'd be out of your hair…you and Elena could live your little fairytale without me as a distant villain," she smirked, nastily. "I'd be alone and punished."

"That's what you want? You are the single most confusing woman I have ever met. I thought Elena was bad, but…" he stopped when he saw tears in her eyes again. "I could turn you in. I could call the police right now, they'd search you and this would be over. I'm angry enough to do that."

"But you aren't going to?" she frowned, confused.

"Not if you give me the ring right now," he said seriously. His kindness confused her. Surely there was more to it than that.

"I'm surprised. You finally have the chance to do me in and you don't. Why? I'll just be available to hurt you more if I'm free…" she bit her lip.

"_Will_ you hurt us more?" he frowned. "Will this never end for you? God, Katherine…how did we even get _here?_" he laughed, angrily. "What the hell do you want from me? What will make this stop?"

"An apology; an explanation. Answers." she said sadly. "Tell me why you let it go so far if you never really loved me. You led me on, Damon. I saw a future with you, despite everything I ever believed in. You left me holding a flute of champagne that was supposed to be used to toast to us…" he saw a tear falling down her cheek again.

"And I didn't hear from you again until I saw you a few months ago in your bookstore when I dropped off the rest of your stuff," she swallowed. "Even when you moved out, you did it when I wasn't around. You never said a word to me again. Was I supposed to just understand? Was I supposed to just magically heal from that on my own?" Her tears were still falling. "I get that it was easy for you. It was your decision, so of course it was."

He leaned against the wall and his back slid him down to a seated position. Now the guilt would surface. He'd done her wrong and he knew it. He accused her of misusing her feelings, but he'd acted as if she didn't even _have_ feelings when he'd left her. But his guilt wouldn't allow him to forget _why_ he'd been so cold toward her.

"You were supposed to make me famous, Damon. We were supposed to have random, casual sex and that was it. I didn't want to love you, not really. But I never lied when I said those words. I _did_ love you, very much. I just chose the wrong way to show that. I let my jealousy and insecurity trump the feelings I should've shown. It was easy to love you at first. You're handsome and kind…but you were always a little off, I think. You always seemed to be somewhere else, even when we made love,"

He stared at her, astonished that she was admitting these things. Maybe he needed to hear them as much as she needed to say them. It was okay to feel guilty. He didn't always have to have the upper hand when it came to her, he knew. As long as it didn't hurt his relationship with Elena, he could handle anything.

"Then your parents told me about Elena, your _sister_," she laughed. "What a joke!" But then her eyes softened again. "And everything started to make sense. I couldn't get my mind around the idea that you would still be wrapped up in a woman you'd loved for only a brief time, and as a teenager. I started to think you were in love with the idea that you couldn't have her...at least I wanted to believe that was all it was. But as time went on…as you started to dream of her at night, mumble her name, moan her name…"

"Kat…" his head was in his hands. But he had to let her get it out, he knew. Maybe then she'd give him the ring.

"Let me," she pled. "Let me breakdown, please. I'm not _just_ the bitch you think I am, Damon. You just never let me talk about my feelings. And you so easily dismissed yours, as if I was nothing more than a mistake. Is that what I was to you? Was I just a speed bump on the road to the life you really wanted."

That was a hard one. A big part of him did think Katherine was a mistake. The only good things that came from it were his book and his absolute understanding that he quite simply could never love anyone other than Elena.

"It was a mistake to let it go so far," he settled for the truth in gentler terms. "You were a coping mechanism. It didn't work."

"You used me," she said angrily. "Coping mechanism? That's a fancy, nice term for using someone. And then you told me you loved me. 'Oh don't worry Kat, baby, I love you,' you said. 'You're worried about nothing Kitty Kat…'" she reminded him in a mocking voice. "But _why_ did you say those things? Why just not say _anything_ at all_?_ You made it so much worse, Damon," she shook her head. "You had a choice, too."

She continued, "You promised me she meant nothing, and the innocent, naïve little part of my heart believed you because I'd never been in love before. I let you lead me, blindly, into a pretend future. But my bitterness and usual angry self still bit through. That's why I said those nasty things about your book. I was jealous. I was envious because you started to forget her flaws. I saw the switch flip after we saw Miranda in the hospital. Your dragon was perfect again, she didn't die."

"Yes," he said softly.

"Yet you still proposed to me after that. You gave me a beautiful ring, but not _this_ ring," she pulled it out of her pocket and opened it. His eyes warmed at the way it shined back at his eyes. He heaved a sigh of relief, even though he still didn't have it in his possession. "I should've just said 'no' right away. I read your father's note about the ring when I found it in your drawer. It was painfully obvious once you proposed that I was your second choice," she wiped her tears away and he blinked. "So maybe we were both stupid. But that doesn't change the fact that you ran from me the night of the rehearsal and never looked back. You never even called to explain. I've been drowning myself in my work to forget that the man I so desperately loved walked away from me without a second thought or ounce of regret."

"You're right," he admitted. "I didn't give you a chance to talk. I was angry with myself that it was so easy to leave you, but I knew it was what needed to be done. But I left you without any guarantees, Kat. Elena wasn't waiting in the wings. I'll admit that it was a little _too_ easy to leave you," she gulped at his words. "It's the truth." He stared at her for a moment before he let it out.

"Do you see what I mean? You were stuck on someone who didn't even want you for 10 years, but you could walk away from me, your fiancé, and be completely fine."

"That's exactly why I did it," he swallowed. "I left you because I knew I could be what I would've promised to be at that altar. It was the wrong way to do it, I agree. I should've taken you aside before it got there and talked to you. But I was so hell bent on making it work because it would've been easier to just forget her. But when the moment came, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it to myself…and I'm going to be honest. I _didn't_ think about you when I left that day. I thought about how desperately I needed someone else."

"God…" she was appalled. His admisson sickened her. She'd always wanted to believe he at least felt _something_ that day...

But he was saying the words he needed to say to free them both. He'd never had a more honest, guilty admission in his life.

"Yes," he breathed. "That's exactly right, Katherine. That's exactly the reason why we weren't ever meant to be. We were both too selfish, in different ways. We were stuck on our own issues. I was just as mean to you as you were to me. I just didn't use words to hurt you. I used feelings, or _lack_ of feelings. I'm sorry for that,"

"But you're not sorry for being so cold to me when I was so vulnerable?" she asked, and it lit a fire in him. He was guilty, but he was still angry and confused about how she'd treated him. So he'd let her have it, too. She needed to understand and feel guilty for what she'd done, too.

"I didn't _know_ you were vulnerable…you never let me _in_. We were a day away from marriage and I'd never seen you cry until right now!" His voice was louder now. "So why did you stay with me? You say you loved so much and all I did was break you apart…but why did you use my book to hurt me?"

"Because it was the only thing you'd _talk_ about, Damon! Don't you remember me begging you to come to bed when you'd be up for hours, probably staring at her picture you kept hidden under your keyboard as if I'd never see it," She yelled. "I didn't cry because I was trying to be strong and fight…"

"But you never once came to me with real doubts. You bit my head off about her but you never said I was hurting you. You chose to make me feel like shit about it so you could feel better about yourself. Why didn't you think you could just tell me you were upset instead of lashing out?"

"I shouldn't have _had_ to," she laughed angrily, loudly. "You should've known hiding your emotions for another woman behind a book was going to hurt me. But you were oblivious, weren't you? You only saw me the way you wanted to," his stomach was sick at her honesty. He'd never planned on facing it again.

"And because I didn't want you to think I was needy," she frowned. "I proved to you that I was tough," she reminded him.

"You proved nothing, Katherine," he swallowed. "Admit it. You were cruel to me about my book and you liked it."

"Fine, yes, I was. It felt good," she closed her eyes.

"But look at us _now_. This doesn't feel good for either of us, does it? You're lonely and have chosen to hurt me again by taking the one material thing in this entire world that matters to me. And you tried to make me feel bad about my book a second time. _Why_?"

"I thought if I could destroy the book…I could destroy any connection we still had." her brows dropped. "But instead, we'll forever be known as that couple who wrote a book and broke up. And yes, I wanted to embarrass you as much as you embarrassed me when you walked out of that dining hall that night. I've never been more ashamed and speechless, Damon."

"They'll know us as 'that couple' because of you," he said coldly. "No one would've had to know that, but you opened your mouth to the press. You chose to do that to us…all of us, yourself included. And you dragged Elena into it. You're lucky she's a kind woman. I've seen her angry side, and I see you're still in one piece, so I take it you must've come to some kind of understanding,"

"Whatever," she said softly, not wanting to give herself away regarding Elena.

"Not whatever," he frowned. "You could've very easily shown her that ring, given it to her. She knows what it is. You could've broken her little heart…ruined my surprise…but you didn't. Why?"

"I just didn't, okay?" She blinked.

"I won't say I told you so…" he tipped his head to the side, "actually, I will. I think you saw that Elena is not a monster. You don't have to like her, but don't hurt her when your real problems are with me."

"It's just…it's so easy for you to want everything with Elena," she swallowed. "Kids, a future…but the thoughts horrified you when I wanted them with you. I'll never understand that."

"It's not meant to be understood. It's the way life is. If it made sense, we'd never be here arguing about it today. I love her and I want to be with her forever. Please…I know I've hurt you. I just never thought you'd take a piece of mother away from me. You know how important she was to me," he looked with her with gentle eyes. But he was serious. He wasn't trying to fool her or make her feel guilty. "We've talked…we could've talked for days and we'd never agree on anything because that's just the way you and I are. But maybe if we would've talked openly like this before we were engaged, we wouldn't be in such a bad place." his eyebrows dipped. "We're both at fault for that."

She fell silent again and her eyes dropped to the ring again.

"I'm not going to turn you in to the police if you give me the ring right now," he swallowed. "Like I said, it would be easy. But I've taken your future away from you once. I won't do it again unless I have to. Please…" he smiled sadly. "Just give me Elena's ring. Don't you want to have a chance at happiness, away from me?"

She bit her lip, looking down at the tiny box. She half wondered why he hadn't flown at her and just grabbed it from her. Maybe he'd needed their conversation as much as she had. And now that he'd apologized and explained, could she give him up? Could she let go of her need to have power over him? Could she do as Elena said and free herself?

Why did Elena have to be all the things Damon made her out to be? She wasn't imaginary at all. She really was kind, even to a woman who tried to destroy her.

Katherine swallowed. Her throat was dry and her hands were shaking. She snapped the box shut and handed it to him slowly. She hadn't won, after all. She hadn't really hurt him or destroyed him at all. She was walking away with nothing but a better understanding of what went wrong.

After she'd talked to Elena and heard what Damon had to say, she saw what she was most afraid of: their love really _was _real.

They loved each other without reservations. It wasn't one-sided; wasn't fake. They were equally in love…so much so that they were willing to go to bat against her for the other without a second thought. Elena didn't look jealous at _all_ when she left the two of them together in that office.

It was admirable, and that saddened her. She'd never experienced something as powerful as their love. She was sure very people in this world actually had.

It hurt Katherine, but it also opened her eyes, too. After seeing the way they loved each other, she knew her marriage would've never been that way with him. She would've been cheated…lived a half-life with him because his heart would always be somewhere else. It didn't make it any easier to deal with, but she could accept that he'd at least saved her from even more pain.

She could learn a thing or two from people who loved like _that_…but she wasn't crazy enough to stick around watch their happy little family. She didn't think it would happen for her with anyone, but then again, she became a pessimist before she'd even realized it happened.

Damon breathed heavily and opened the box once more, checking to ensure the ring's safety. He tucked it into his pocket and kept his hand on it. There would be no mistakes with it this time around. "Thank God," he blinked. He wouldn't thank her...why would he? She'd nearly ruined everything.

He never expected to just talk the ring out of her. He'd hoped to, but when it came down to it, he figured on having to hunt her down for it. She was nasty and crazy enough to make him.

But she'd handed it over to him without another tear.

"Yes, well, I have my moments," she replied, zipping her jacket. "Have a nice life with Elena and your baby," she said, stone-faced. He couldn't get a read on her. Were her words sarcastic?

"Just like that?" His eyebrow arched. "Just like that you're giving it up? You're over it?"

"Of course not," she shook her head. "But I got what I wanted from this whole thing. I finally got you to pay enough attention to me to let me cry. You finally heard what I wasn't allowed to say to you for an entire year. I never thought I'd have to steal a ring to get noticed, but…" she trailed off, having nothing more to say, really. "But just so you know, I was always going to give it back to you…I'm mean but I'm not _that _mean."

But she chose not to tell him she really _didn't_ want to hurt Elena over it anymore.

She grabbed her bags and headed out the door. "I think I'll leave my stuffed dragon here. Give it to someone who actually wants to remember…" her lips pressed together in a tight line and she was gone.

* * *

><p>The bookstore was silent. His heart was beating wildly in his chest as he walked out of the office and leaned against the front counter. His eyes fell on the picture of them as children, their eyes wide and smiling. He had it back now; he couldn't chicken out this time.<p>

If he had his way, he'd call her up and tell her to pack her bags for a random vacation. He'd take her somewhere warm and tropical to propose. But their world wasn't that way. They had a struggling store that needed more than just Alaric's undivided attention. And he figured taking Elena on a plane _that_ far away from home at this point in her pregnancy was probably not a good idea. The doctor would probably say it was fine, but…

But he could still make it amazing. He didn't have to get down on knee at the breakfast table over one of her strange morning concoctions. His lips turned upward as the idea floated into his mind. Suddenly, he knew _exactly_ what to do…and it was even better than any destination proposal.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Super curious on this your thoughts on this one. They both sought a sort of closure…and for the most part, I think they found it. Katherine is still a little unnerving to me, but I think Elijah's heart is in the right place.**

**Damon and Katherine's conversation was important because it got us what we needed, but I almost love the Elijah and Elena conversation more. It almost feels bigger to me. There is such a huge difference in their relationship versus the one Katherine and Damon had. It's evident in the way their current conversations went.**

**Thanks for the feedback. You all know what's happening next chapter :D**


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N: I'm happy to announce we finally get an angst free chapter! It was nice to write a happy, sweet moments and memories for them for a change. Things are looking up for my DE. Thank you for sharing these moments with me. I really appreciate your thoughts. They've all been so amazing and supportive. **

**We have about another 5 chapters left of this story. There are milestone we need to hit and I look forward to reaching them. :-) We won't stop until they see their happiness in action! **

**Thanks for your time!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 25**

"They saw us! They saw us this time!" Ten-year old-Elena squealed, ducking behind a chair on the balcony of the bookstore. She crouched down next to the box of filled water balloons, waiting her turn to jump up and throw one down at unsuspecting customers.

"Awww….wittle Ewena is afwaid of getting in twouble," he mocked in a baby voice and she frowned. "Whimp! " he laughed. "If you're gonna _nail_ someone with one of these," he lifted a big, blue balloon up, "own it," he wiggled his eyebrows and sent it down on a group of three kids riding their bikes past the store. His arms flew up in the air in victory and he crouched down next to her to hand her the next balloon. "Okay, Elena. It's your turn. This is the biggest balloon we have. I just saw Sheriff Forbes walking past. Come _on_," his eyes went wide. "Don't fail me now!"

She shook her head, laughing. "No…I am _not_ throwing a water balloon at a cop,"

"Okay, okay," he smiled. "We'll both do it," he grabbed her on the inside of her elbow and yanked her up, setting a balloon in her hand. "On the count of three,"

Her eyes went wide and a big grin spread across his face as he began counting. "One…two…THREE!" He yelled as their balloons sailed down in unison and landed with a splash on the woman below them.

"That was _awesome_," he high-fived her. But their laughter quickly ended when they heard a familiar, screeching voice below.

"DAMON AND ELENA!" Arianna screamed up at them, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand. "I know you're up there! Get down here _right_ now!"

"Crap!" Elena's eyes went wide, "She's serious!"

But when they were met with a soaking wet Arianna Salvatore, they couldn't help but giggle. The woman's hand went up to pull Elena's sunglasses off her face. "I realize I am not your mother, dear. But really, I'm going to treat you both the same right now," she huffed. "You may NOT throw water balloons at customers, especially not police officers. What on _earth_ were you thinking?" Her eyes looked between them and Elena's cheeks darkened.

"Oh, Mom!" He smiled. "We were just having fun. Don't scold Elena. It was my idea."

"Don't '_Mom'_ me, Damon," she rolled her eyes, tugging his sunglasses off, too. Elena's eyes brightened when she caught a closer look of his mother's wedding ring.

"Wow…your ring is amazing!" Elena's small fingers latched onto Ariana's hand and they both smiled. She'd seen it before but never paid much attention to it…never noticed how it sparkled when the sunlight caught it just right. "It's so bright and beautiful…it's like a princess ring!"

"Thank you, dear," she frowned, distracted from their scolding. "But don't change the subject. You two get in the store and get cleaned off, she turned over their filthy hands, covered in dust from crawling through the attic to get to the balcony. "No more of that. You're not even supposed to be _up_ there. Do you see how dirty that attic is? And that balcony…I'm sure it's not sturdy…"

"Yeah, okay," Damon nodded, but as soon as Arianna walked back into the store they were all giggles again. "Troublemaker," he frowned at her in jest.

"What? Me? It was _you_ who gave me that balloon to throw! I just said I wanted to go up to the balcony and see what it was like since we'd never been up there! I never said we had to do _that_!"

"Well what else would we do up there?" He laughed.

"I don't know…have a picnic or something?" She shrugged. "Sandwiches, soda and popsicles," she nodded. "Yep, that would be much better than water balloons."

"Yeah well, we'll never be allowed up there again, so sorry I blew your dream," he swallowed. "Good idea with the ring thing, though. You changed the subject, quickly."

"I was _serious_!" Her cheeks went pink. "I've never seen a ring so beautiful. It's not even because it's so big. It's just beautiful…I want a ring like that one day,"

"Okay," he rolled his eyes. "I'll be sure to tell your future husband when I see him," he elbowed her when her cheeks flamed red. "Just remind me."

"Don't worry. I will," she stuck her tongue out at him and plopped a water balloon on his head before running off to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>He left the store late the night of the signing. His head floated with visions of a teary-eyed Elena, nodding wildly as he slipped the ring on her finger. Everything was aligned, everything perfect. The store was closed Sundays…he didn't have to think about work or the book or Katherine…<p>

The next day it would be _just_ Elena. No TV cameras, no interruptions…just memories and dreams…

His heart thudded with gratefulness. Now that he was alone, driving down lazy, dark roads with dim street lights, his brain could wrap around what proposing to Elena meant. It wasn't an obligation. It wasn't forced as it had been with Katherine. He'd heard so many of his friends say they felt pressured to propose to their girlfriends…that they'd reached that point and it was just the next logical step.

They'd mentioned companionship, the assurance that they wouldn't spend eternity alone. They'd said it was just 'the right thing to do.' When he'd proposed to Katherine, he'd done if for those reasons, too. It was an escape from a life of loneliness, he thought. Luckily he realized how wrong his line of thinking had been. How could he have ever thought he could _force_ himself to love someone other than Elena?

His life _would've_ been lonely, had he married Katherine. Their relationship didn't have the strengths it took to withstand forever. It lacked honesty and dedication; they hurt each other willingly and left no room for any love to grow. His conversation with Katherine at the store had furthered his belief that they were never meant to be. They'd been going through the motions…racing toward the finish line just to say they'd gotten there.

But a wedding _wasn't_ a finish line at all, he knew. It was the beginning of a marathon and he wanted to run side-by-side with Elena. They'd start out strong, energized. The world would be at their fingertips, nothing would slow them down….

But they'd hit bumps in the way, he knew. They'd reach points when they were just tired and thought they couldn't go on. He and Elena were anything but the typical couple, but it was silly to think they'd live happily ever after without any problems. He welcomed the bumps; they'd only help _their_ love grow.

They'd finish their marathon together, Damon knew. His journey with Elena wouldn't end until it had to…until one of them was resting in the ground with their parents.

Life was just different with Elena. Everything just made a little more sense.

The same friends who'd mentioned 'obligations' and 'logical steps' hadn't described feelings that came anywhere _close_ to his for Elena. A lot of people had their own definitions of love. There were examples in books and on television and movies. It was supposed to be a universal feeling…

No one told him he was going to feel this way… this uncontrollable need, urge to share every moment, happy and sad with one woman for the rest of his life. They'd said nothing about _their_ emotions, as men, at all….it had all been about doing what their girlfriends wanted or required.

But Elena made him want to be _more_ than just that 'logical step." She made him feel bigger, braver than what he once thought he was.

Despite the way he felt at times, Damon was really just a man in love. A stranger would see a man who'd gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. They'd see a failing bookstore owner; an author of a children's book that was just exposed on National television. He'd just be a man who was _wrong_ for loving a woman that became his sister by some weird twist of fate...that guy who walked out on his fiancé the night before their wedding _because_ of that sister…

Yes, he _was_ all those things. But when he looked into Elena's eyes, the man reflected back at him was a strong and happy. He was a new father, a lover, a _friend_. Elena looked at him like he was the single most important person in the world. And to her, he was. She made him believe in himself, believe in them. The future wasn't so scary with her by his side, but it didn't have anything to do with selfishness or the need to feel loved. He didn't want just _anyone. _He wasn't settling. She was his forever; she have him that very feeling people spent their whole lives searching for…

Katherine had thought his feelings for Elena were silly at first. She'd said she'd never been in love before, so the idea of him _still_ loving a girlfriend from high school had frightened and astounded her. He'd told himself long ago that there was _nothing_ trivial about his feelings for her back then. But as much as he loved her at eighteen, he loved her _more_ now.

He'd once thought he saw the future with her back then: college degrees, nice cars, fancy jobs in a big city for a while before they'd settle down. He thought they'd have _years_ before they'd take over the business…years before they'd have babies.

How different life would be if they'd never lost their parents.

The minute he and Elena fell out ten years ago, everything changed. In the blink of an eye, he just wanted home and familiarity. He wanted his family, his beat up car, his little small town bookstore… but he _still_ wanted his Elena. His bigger dreams seemed so much smaller without her, even then.

But now the world was in the palm of his hand. He knew what was important to him in life and he was going to keep it forever. No fancy car or big name job would ever come close to the feeling of raising their baby girl together in their bookstore. There was simply no better dream than Aria running through those aisles, laughing with her friends. There was only good in store for them, now.

But their years apart had done them some good, too. Although they'd never discussed it, there had always been a chance they would've broken up as teenagers even if their parents hadn't had an affair. They were young and on very different emotional levels. He'd been through hell and she'd barely scratched the surface. They were in love but showed it in different ways. They'd never really know if they'd have made it if they were given the chance…but it didn't matter now. It had just simply been the two of them, loving each other in the best and worst of ways for a decade.

Pain had done them good, too. It had shown them they were _wrong_ to give up. Their love _was_ worth fighting for, and he was certain they both knew that now.

* * *

><p>The big, square clock on the wall read midnight when he walked through their front door that night. His eyes were heavy and dry. It had been one of the longest, most exhausting days he could remember. It was hard to remember a more emotionally draining day in his life.<p>

Inside he was pounding with happiness and hope, but on the outside he looked worn, rough. He found her laying on the couch in a fetal position. She was hugging a pillow and another one rested between her knees for back support. His lips curved upward quickly. He couldn't help but smile at how innocent she looked…not a crease of worry on her forehead, not a single tear sliding down her face. She deserved to feel at peace and rested. She'd been brave for both of them that day.

He took a moment to just watch her breathing, noting the way her chest rose and fell in a calming rhythm. Tiny snores escaped with each breath and a small pool of drool soaked into the light blue pillowcase. He crouched down beside her and stroked her loose hair behind her ear. She stirred a little, touching her lips and frowning. Her attempt to stay awake when she'd gotten his text at 10 p.m. had failed. The events of the day had caught up with her, too.

She yawned and blinked until his blue eyes became clear before her sleepy, watery eyes. Her throat was rough as she said, "You're finally home," The words came out in a mumble and it made him smile more.

It hit him like a ton of bricks. It was the last night he'd go to bed with his girlfriend. Tomorrow he'd say goodnight to his fiancé, he hoped. That night was the end of an era that had been filled with doubt and confusion. Tomorrow would be the start of something completely new, if she said yes. It would be the beginning of forever.

"Let's get you into bed," he picked her up and carried her to their room, tucking her under the soft blue covers. "I'm sorry I'm home so late. I had a lot to do at the store," he paused, smiling to himself. She had no idea how much work he'd done after Katherine left.

All those boxes…that dusty attic… he'd be sore tomorrow…

"You said on the phone that your conversation with Katherine went well," she whispered, turning on her side. "So I take it she's gone?"

"Yeah, her plane left tonight sometime, I guess. She had all the time in the world to ream me out and then when we were done she flew out of there like she'd missed her flight. My guess is she had it changed," he explained. "But yes, I got what I needed out of her."

"Apologies, I hope" she swallowed, staring at him with hope-filled eyes.

"There were a few apologies buried in there somewhere," he frowned, thinking about how draining it had been to admit that_ she_ wasn't the only one in the wrong back then. "Some yelling…cussing…" he smiled softly, gently. "I'll tell you all about it in a couple days, when all this has settled down. My brain is fried."

"Or tomorrow," she nodded. She was curious, but not jealous. Her concern was more for the fact that he sounded as if he'd had the longest day of his life. "I had a big afternoon, too," she yawned.

He'd been so quick on the phone earlier that she hadn't had the chance to tell him Elijah had dropped by for a visit. "We can talk about it all in the morning, over pancakes?"

"Mmm, pancakes. A _normal_ breakfast for once," he teased. "But how about we take a day off from the drama tomorrow? We'll promise to go over all that on Monday. Tomorrow is Sunday and _Sunday _was meant to be a day of rest," he yawned. "So let us rest," he clicked off the lamp on the nightstand and took her hands in his. She stilled at his movements. She'd never felt more safe in her life. She'd never felt like she could say whatever she was thinking without worrying about what he'd think.

"Elijah came by," she said softly in the dark and Damon's eyes widened. He'd been curious about Elijah's state for months, but it seemed nothing had changed. Elena didn't want to get into it all that night; they'd save_ that_ for Monday, too, but she told him just to be honest. She wasn't interested in keeping anything from him anymore. There was no reason to hide the truth.

"And he still doesn't remember?" He asked.

"He remembers everything," she said softly. She was close enough that she could see his blue eyes even in the dark. They calmed her.

"You should've called me," he frowned, thinking back to how he was in the store, setting up for his surprise while she was there dealing with Elijah and his newly returned memory. "Was he…is he still in love with you?"

"He was fine," she assured him. "But yes, he is. Things are calmer…I told him no, Damon. He knows not to ask again. He wants to stay away for a while," she yawned. "I'm too tired to relive this…" she frowned. "Let's sleep in really late tomorrow," she suggested. "I'll wake up and make pancakes, even if it's noon. I promise."

"Whatever you want," he smiled, knowingly. "We can spend all day here and…oh, oh no," he started, smiling on the inside. But Elena was genuinely concerned. "I _just_ remembered something…crap."

"What?" She propped herself up on one elbow and dipped her eyebrows.

"We have to go to the store tomorrow night," his hand slammed into his forehead. He was playing his part well. She looked genuinely concerned. "I know its Sunday but I only got through with _half_ of what I was working on after Katherine left tonight. I thought it could wait until Monday, but now I remembered why it can't. Remember I told you last week that our inventory got bumped up a week? That means we have to spend more time there…even a _Sunday_…sorry…" he bit back his smile.

"Fine, you can go, I'll stay here. Or I'll go grocery shopping, as lame as that sounds. My coupons are about to expire, anyway, so…"

"No, I need you there with me. We've got to go over the paperwork together. I need input,"

"Ughhhh, I don't want to. I trust you to make the best decisions with the store. You always do." she groaned. "I know, I know. I have a bad attitude about it. But after the kind of day we've had, I just want to keep those doors locked and stay away from the general public. You know they aired it, right? Elijah said he saw us on TV…"

"Let them talk," he waved it off. "We were fine then, we'll be fine now. It's not a secret anyway; all of Mystic Falls already knows our story. That was nothing new to our little town. They hurt the book more than they hurt us, if anything. So yeah…we'll do whatever you want all morning, but we need to spend at least two hours at the store tomorrow night. Sorry. I'm putting my foot down on this,"

"Fine," she said in a huff, rolling over. "But I'm going to be crabby about it. I'm telling you now, so don't be surprised when it happens,"

"Oh…I think you'll be just fine," he smiled to himself. "Good_night_, Lena." He kissed the back of her head. "Don't stay mad at me for too long now."

Oh, he had her. She had _no_ idea what was coming. He was okay with making her slightly angry if it meant she'd be extra surprised tomorrow night.

* * *

><p>Their next morning was filled with chocolate chip pancakes and decaf coffee. They spent some time decorating in Aria's room and discussing godparents.<p>

They were a little _low _in the family department…

They'd decided on one rather quickly, but the second was still in the air. They'd both severed so many ties with friends over the years. It almost saddened them to realize just how alone they'd be without one another, now.

And although Elena had made one last ditch attempt to avoid going to the store that day, Damon had finally convinced her. He'd resorted to lowering their time there to one hour instead of two, but he knew it would be longer once she saw what he had done.

It was seven p.m. and he clicked the lock on the front door of the bookstore closed. He threw his bag up on the counter as Elena started filing through manila folders and envelopes next to him.

"Let's make this quick," she groaned. "I still don't understand why you want to be here today. You never want to work on Sundays. It's like our only day to relax together. I get that its inventory soon, but we really needed to just relax today. Now I'm all flustered and crabby. I'm no fun right now. I feel like Mommyzilla…"

"That's cute," he pinched her cheek and she rolled her eyes. "Mommyzilla…" he pondered, but this he plan began. "Hey, I need to check on something," he walked toward the rarely opened door to the attic and smiled. His heart was pounding. This was it. He was moments away from forever.

"Up _there_?" She frowned. "Ugh, it's a mess up there. I went up there two months ago and I nearly had as asthma attack from all the dust. It was a mistake. I wouldn't do it…," she called out to him, but he was halfway up the stairs. She rushed over, yelling louder. " Did you know all their old junk is still up there? It's been almost six months and we have so much of their stuff to still sort through…it's depressing up there, Damon," she stood on the second to last step.

"Can you come up here a minute?" he called. "Oh, and can you grab my bag off the counter?" His voice echoed from above.

She rolled her eyes but did as he asked. But as she was halfway up the staircase, she noticed the musty smell was gone. It smelled fresh. Her hands ran along a new, smooth oak banister as she made her way to the very top step. Her eyes were watery in a heartbeat.

No boxes, no dust. The floor was polished and open. It was all too much for her to take in at first, but slowly she turned and saw just what he'd done. The walls were bright and colorful with a big, bright "ARIA" in purple lettering. He had to have done it in the last few weeks, she thought; it didn't smell like fresh paint.

There was a crib off to the side with a rocking chair and a changing table next to it.

"I wanted her to have a place here," he smiled. "I thought it would be nice if she could be here with us. I made room for a bed for you, too, so you can rest while she takes her naps those first few months. I know you could just stay home with her…but I thought it might be nice if you two were here by me once in a while,"

She saw a TV off in one corner in front of a large, fluffy familiar couch, and computer in the other. They were his old things from his apartment. He'd made it into a small living space and moved all the old boxes into a storage unit down the block. "I figured we can go through all that old stuff later. This is more important right now. We may as well use this space for some good. We don't have a lot of money so it's all old stuff, but…"

"This is wonderful," she beamed, assuring him his hard work hadn't gone unnoticed. "I never would've pegged you as _this_ thoughtful when we were kids. You always rolled your eyes at me when I mentioned anything too serious. You've definitely Damonized this place," she smiled. "Outlet plugs and door knob protectors already and she's not even born," he smiled as she plopped down on the soft couch. "Hmmm…now that I see how cozy it is, maybe I'm okay with being here tonight. Bring the paperwork up here…"

He lifted a pillow from the couch and walked to the entrance to the balcony. When his hand twisted the childproof door knob lock and they were met with a sweet, cool summer evening breeze. He couldn't have picked a better night. The sky was clear, dotted with thousands of stars. The universe was looking out for them tonight. It was finally their time.

The world was swimming before her now as tears slowly leaked from her big, brown eyes. And once they cleared, she saw the railing of the balcony lit with tiny, white candles. There was music, a band playing at the park a few blocks away…some familiar melody that they'd heard a thousand times but couldn't place. Her heart was thudding in her ears…his mouth was moving but she couldn't hear a word. Suddenly she was in his arms, pressing her forehead against his chest. The pillow was between them but she was too emotional to notice.

"I'm sorry I'm a mess," she apologized, "Hormones and memories…" she laughed when he smiled down at her.

"Don't apologize," he tucked her hair behind her ears and placed his hands on her face, bringing his lips to hers. "But there's more…" He backed up and took the backpack from her shaky hands. He pulled a blanket out of his backpack and laid it down on balcony, covering the couch pillow.

He helped her sit down on the pillow and pulled out two bags of sandwiches and two sodas before assuming his cross-legged position on the blanket. "Your picnic…18 years later," he smiled. "I figured we're adults now. No one can tell us not to come up here…" but her bread was soggy with fallen tears before she even finished her first bite.

"This place…" she sighed. "We have so many good memories here," she smiled. "How did you remember that I loved it up here? We were only up here once and… you just surprise me every day, Damon." she smiled. "Will it always be like this with us?"

"Yes, always," he smiled, knowingly. "If you let it," he nodded.

"So the whole time I was complaining about coming to the store today, you were laughing to yourself…" she smiled, sipping her soda. "You schemer!"

"Oh, yes," he laughed. "Elena…please, I had you convinced we were going to be buried in numbers and decimals. You were genuinely pissed at me. You haven't slept turned away from me in a month," he winked. "I knew this little picnic had to be good tonight so I could make it up to you…" he leaned in and wiped some peanut butter off her lips and pressed his thumb into her mouth for her to lick it off. Her tongue lingered on him a little too long and he reveled in the warm heat on his skin.

"How sturdy are these floorboards?" He winked, crawling to her on his hands and knees.

"Hey, Romeo, this is a public place. People can _hear_," she smiled dangerously.

"Oh, I'm kidding….kind of," he shrugged. "That would be bad for your back right now, anyway."

Once their cans of sodas had been drained and their sandwiches were gone, he helped her up and led her over to the edge of the balcony. His hands went upward, pointing to the stars. "This is what I love about Mystic Falls," he began. "I love these clear, starry nights. You'll never see this clear of a sky in a big city…not with all the smog and bright lights," she nodded at his words. She knew exactly what he was referring to; their time in New York.

He crouched down in his bag again, fishing for something, but Elena's eyes were glued to the moon. "And I love the smell of a summer night here, too. It's familiar…like Mrs. Flower's bakery…her fresh bread all day long…and that coffee…makes me want a cup, even at this time of night. Funny how just being up here stirs up so many memories I thought I'd forgotten…" she sighed.

"Remember last time we were up here?" He asked, still crouched down by his bag, his hand clutching the ring box nervously. Her face exploded into a smile at the thought of water balloons and Sheriff Forbes…and Arianna. Life was so simple back then before she got sick.

Elena bit her lip and frowned as he started to pull something out of his bag. She assumed he'd be handing her a nice, full water balloon… "Oh no… she laughed. "No, I am _not_ throwing balloons at people again. You can just go ahead and put that right back in your little bag. That's a part of that day I could handle forgetting," she winked.

"Oh, okay then," he smiled. There wasn't a balloon in sight but he'd done a good job convincing her. He was reeling her in now...just as he'd planned.

"See…you remember the water balloons from that day. I do, too, I guess. But I seem to remember something else," he shrugged, his lip forming a near pout. "It was the first time my mother reprimanded you, but instead of getting upset, you changed the subject," his hand was shaking on the box. He kept his focus, swallowing before he continued.

She racked her brain, trying to remember. It was so long ago…so many things had happened since then. Did he really think she'd remember a conversation from 18 years ago? She frowned silently and his heart fell for a moment.

"I _see_…" he paused, nervous that it wasn't going to work out the way he wanted it to. She wasn't remembering….she was supposed to remember….

"I asked you to remind me about something, but I never forgot. You're the one who needs the reminder, Lena," he gave her a second to process his words, and a look of complete understanding crossed her face the very same moment he pulled the ring box from his bag. He cracked it open and let her stare at it. A small gasp escaped from her lips and he watched breathlessly.

His voice shook now, but not out of fear of rejection. He was overcome with emotion. The scene had played out in his mind hundreds of times but it had never felt like _this_. Oh, she was teary-eyed, just as he'd always imagined…but he'd never felt the tears in his own eyes that were there now.

"I have had this ring for 17 years," he started. "My father gave it to me when Mom passed, but as you know I kept it hidden for a long time. When we broke up, I didn't open it for years, Elena. I couldn't look at it and know that it wouldn't be yours… I couldn't face that," he swallowed back his tears as he saw hers starting to fall down her cheeks.

"I'll never forget the first time you saw it…._really_ saw it, that day after the water balloons. I've never see you light up like that over anything…except maybe Aria," his lips went lopsided. "And then you found it in my dresser drawer, when were 17 and we were having one of our 'highly illegal' friend sleepovers."

"Yeah…" she breathed.

"Back then it was my Mother's ring…even after she was dead. I couldn't associate it with anything but sadness. But when I got older…when that ring sat in my dresser alone, it hit me. It wasn't just my Mother's ring. It wasn't just an heirloom or an engagement ring to give to a woman I'd only known for a short while. I couldn't give it to Katherine, Elena… it was _yours_. In a heartbeat it was yours. Even if I never got the chance to do this, propose to you, I would've _never_ given it to anyone else," he paused.

"Dad left me that note inside the box. It said to be sure I was doing the right thing…that I should be certain that I was giving it to the right woman. I thought he was overbearing the first time I read it, but then I realized that he was right. There were only two women in this world meant to wear this ring. My mother would want you to wear this. She loved you. _I_ love you…more than I ever have, more than I ever thought I could love another person. I love the little you and the teenage you and the untamed, college you…all of you. I love every layer…happy, sad, wild, and calm. All the versions you thought existed could never compare to the whole package that you are now, Lena,"

"We've been back with each other for almost six months, but this feels right. It doesn't feel too soon for me. In fact, it feels like this has been a long time coming," he took her hand and raised himself up on his knees, so he could place their hands on his heart.

"Twenty years, baby. I've known you for a lifetime and it still won't be long enough," he breathed, and her breath caught in her throat. "I can't get enough of you and I _won't_ get enough of you…" a tear slid down his cheek as he raised it up higher to her and exhaled deeply. "Ever"

It would occur to him later, just how different proposing to Elena felt from his time with Katherine. It had been quick with Kat; he hadn't had much to say. There weren't fancy explanations; he wasn't crying...

"Will you marry me, Elena? Will you let me tease you and love you every day for the rest of our lives?" the knots in his stomach loosened as she nodded her head, but his voice still shook with emotion. "Will you be my other half of that old couple that walks down our street everyday…that 'soccer mom' that drives our mini-van full of kids around and loves it," he smiled. "Will you, baby…" he swallowed, getting choked up now.

He was a wreck. His plan of keeping himself in check was quickly going overboard. The beauty of the moment had him quickly unraveling….

"Yes," she managed out, nodding wildly as he'd imagined her doing. "Yes, of course I will," she watched as he slid the ring onto her finger. It fit snuggly, as her fingers were swollen from the heat of the day, but it worked.

"We'll get it resized," he kissed her knuckles. "God it looks beautiful on you," he beamed. "Just like I always knew it would. It's finally where it belongs…." The happiness he felt surmounted anything he'd ever experienced. He felt giddy, relieved and wild all at once.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips, pressing her hands up to his cheeks. His hand fell on top of hers and pressed into the diamond. It really _was_ big. "This is…you've surprised me again. I can't explain the way I feel. It's all jumbled. I feel like doing something crazy!"

"I have half a mind to call those damn reporters back and declare our engagement on National TV. Take that, Kitty Kat," he rolled his eyes. He'd find time, another day, to explain what he'd gone through with Katherine to get that ring. He'd tell Elena all the reasons he'd been quiet and moody the morning of the signing. He owed that much to her. But he'd promised them a drama-free day. The next morning would bring talks of Elijah and Katherine and everything in between. But for now, nothing could ruin their first hours and a newly engaged couple.

"You've been everything to me for as long as I remember. The second I laid eyes on you I knew you'd always be a part of my life. We've been a lot of things over the years…some things I wish we hadn't been…but I know now that every single thing we did has led up to this. We've ached and cried and gone through hell just to get here. But we made it. We survived something very few people do. All the times we thought we were fighting each other we were wrong. We were fighting _for_ each other," she nodded. "My heart _couldn't_ stop loving you, even when I begged it to. And it won't stop…it'll never stop. _We'll_ never stop," she wiped her eyes.

"Never," he echoed her promise. "You'll finally be a Salvatore, just as you were always meant to be." The words were music to her ears…a sweet symphony that floated to the pit of her stomach and sent chills down her spine. "You say the word, baby, and I am there. If you want to wait a year, I will. If you want to wait 'til Aria's here, that's fine. But so help me, if you asked me to get in the car with you right now and drive to an all-night chapel I would because I'm _that_ ready to be your husband," his heart was pounding.

"Okay," her heart spun into warp speed. "I want to," she nodded and _his_ heart stopped.

"What?" his words were slow, checking for understanding.

"I want to get married soon…I don't to wait anymore. We don't have family…we don't have anything in Mystic Falls except Ric and our store," she swallowed. "There's no reason to throw a big, fancy expensive wedding. Maybe if they were still alive we would have…but they aren't. I don't really have good friends, aside from Elijah and that's…well, we'll get into that tomorrow," she frowned. "I guess the thought of a big wedding makes me sad, in a way. We have no one to share it with."

"We only need each other," he smiled. "And I want to spoil you," he whispered in her ear. "Make sure you get the wedding you want, Elena. We're only doing this one time," he winked. "So make sure it's perfect."

She shook her head quickly. "No, I'm sure of it. I want to be your wife now. I don't need the attention or a long, drawn out wedding,"

"Are you afraid of the cameras since the whole signing thing?" He slid his thumb across her knuckles raising it up against the ring and smiling. "It wouldn't have to be that way."

"No, it's not that. I just…I think we both know what we want. I think it would be worse to wait. We have no reason to wait, do we? I won't change my mind," she smiled. "And I'm not rushing this so that we're married when Aria gets here. We still have a few months before she's born….there is only _one_ reason why I want to get married soon and you already mentioned it," she promised. "I just want to be your wife. I just want to be Elena Salvatore," she looked at the ring. "Maybe a month, tops."

Who was he to deny her that?

"Okay," he smiled, kissing her quickly. "We'll figure this out. We don't need to go far. I'm nervous about you flying long distances," he admitted. She could handle that.

"Sounds fair enough," she smiled. "We'll need witnesses. You have Ric…"

"He's known us forever, and even though he's just recently come back into our lives, he's good for us. He's family…we can make a family out of who we _do_ have left." She nodded at his words. "And we'll work the rest out later. Right now I just want to stare at you and realize just how amazing my future is going to be now that you've promised me forever. You're the most beautiful, amazing woman I have ever known. This is the happiest day of my life,"

"Please remember that when I'm ripping your arm off in the delivery room," she smiled as he blew out the candles and led her back into the attic.

"How about we try out this couch…" he wiggled his eyebrows and sat them down.

"But what about the Popsicles? Our picnic was lovely but..."

"Dessert baby...dessert after _this_ dessert," he mumbled, unbuttoning his shirt.

He wanted to say something suave and witty in that moment like 'I've never had sex with a fiancé before…' but his gut sank in when he realized the pure untruth of that statement….

So instead he wrapped her tightly in his arms and said, "You're the only woman in the world that makes me feel this way. It's remarkable. You make every time feel as amazing and breathtaking as our _real_ first time….the one in your bed," the swallowed. "Will it always be like that with us?"

"Always," she whispered and slipped off his shirt, "Always."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading! Love to hear your thoughts on their engagement and Elena's idea for a quick wedding. **

**The next few chapters we'll see some of our supporting characters again as well as take a small jump in time. I can't wait to get their life and in order. It's going to be an amazing last few chapters to write.**

**Thanks for the feedback! **


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hello! Sorry for the update-less week. Work has been crazy and I've needed the time to sit down and really study this chapter. With only about 4 chapters left, each one is so meaningful that I need to spend significant time with it. These characters have had such build up and such progression. It's been about MORE than just Damon and Elena. Backstories and main stories have blended together and it's important to me that no stone gets left unturned. My slow wrapping up of details needs to be just as focused as the rest of my story, so I appreciate your patience. **

**I picked up a few new readers in the meantime and that's amazing. Thank you so much for your reviews. **

**This chapter falls between the proposal and the wedding. I wanted to hammer out details about D and E's thoughts as well as some of the other characters. The proposal chapter was so fun to write that I didn't want to cloud it with angsty feelings or worries. I needed them to just have time where nothing was in their way. That was the perfect chapter for it. After what they'd gone through, they deserved that. **

**But I also think it's important to get an understanding of their thoughts before the wedding. I want everyone to be clear on where they are, as we have been the whole story. Rushing into the wedding wouldn't fit their journey, so I've chosen to wait until the next chapter for that. This is an important chapter for a lot of reasons. And while it's simple moments and new situations, it begins to lay the foundation for their future. They can't be alone forever.**

**Thank you for your patience, your reviews and your time. I'm proud of what this story has become for me and I have many of you to thank for that.**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 26**

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore…." Elijah breathed the words on the invitation slowly, letting them register. He tucked it nearly back into his linen envelope and placed it on the counter, staring at the fancy script in the corner that said "SALVATORE."

Elena. Elena Salvatore. It sounded so normal, he thought, almost painfully so. She was never meant to stay a Gilbert, never meant to become a Parks. Even in her darkest hour she'd known there'd never be another. He'd known it, too, but couldn't admit it back then.

His best friend's dreams were coming true and he wasn't sure he had the strength to be there for it. While he'd accepted that she'd never be his, it still felt like a swift kick to the stomach. But her eyes had been kind and she'd let him down gently. She didn't push him away or scream at him for still feeling something for her. Slowly, he'd fall out of love with her. Eventually he'd be able to read and say "Elena Salvatore" and not cringe. He just wasn't sure when that would be.

"What's that?" a soft voice asked from behind him. He felt warm lips reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. Her brown hair was twisted up into a messy bun and she had one hand firmly wrapped around a steaming hot coffee mug. She quickly plucked the invitation off the counter, but her eyes widened in horror as they scanned across the fancy text.

"Is that what I think it is?" She asked, unblinking. She sipped her coffee and her gaze shifted to Elijah quickly, whose lips were pulled back in an awkward cringe.

She set her mug down on the granite counter top and slid the thick paper out slowly. He was wordless, alarmed. Her response would certainly be more harsh thank his. Their stories had begun so differently, but ended the same.

"Of course it is," she breathed slowly. "You are cordially invited to…" she trailed off, frowning. They were _just _words…just bold letters written in Elena's beautiful calligraphy. They'd made their own invitations. They only had a few to send out...

Elijah watched her carefully, waiting for the yelling and the screaming and fits of fury. But none of it came. She, too, was speechless for a moment. He took the envelope from her and set it back on the counter in a stack of other mail.

Then it hit her.

"Oh God…you're not going are you?" Her mouth dropped open and froze. The words weren't mocking, just shocked. "Elijah…"

"I don't know…" he admitted. "She told me about their engagement over the phone but I didn't think it would really happen this quickly. She said a month but I couldn't see that actually happening. It's going to be small and private and…." He exhaled. "I don't know if I can be there," he admitted. "But not because of the reasons I originally thought…"

"You're sad. You can't watch her marry someone else…" she said, touching his chest. "I completely understand."

"No," he whispered. "I'm so _selfish_ that I can't even be there for my own best friend on her wedding day. That's why I'm sad. That's why I can't go. I'm afraid I'll mess it up for her. We're okay but we're not where I wish we were, and that's due to me."

Kat huffed and took her seat at the kitchen table. "And they lived happily ever after, finally…" she muttered and he nodded. "Not surprised…but it doesn't make it any easier for me either,"

"Exactly," he nodded, taking her hand from across the table. "I just wish things were different. But things are good with us. You and me…" he kissed her hand gently. What they had was new, fresh. It was unexpected and a little bizarre, but Elijah wasn't one to judge. Watching Elena's transformation had shown him the biggest, strangest love story that was never written, he knew. If anyone could understand unlikely relationships, it was her. She wouldn't judge, he knew, but she might be a little concerned for him at first. Katherine didn't have the best reputation when it came to men's feelings.

"We're new, Kat," he smiled. "I don't think we even understand what we are to each other, or what we're not," he took her hand and walked her over to his table, pulling out a chair for her. "But I know you're not a consolation prize to me. _You_ know that right? I wouldn't be with you…we wouldn't be starting this if I still had those kind of feelings for Elena. I'm sad for the way things have turned out, but I'm not sad that I'm not the one marrying her…"

"And it's like I said, I don't have feelings for Damon," she shook her head. "It's just a final nail in the coffin type thing right now…" she exhaled slowly. "We should be happy…it's all about to be over. We don't have to walk around with the 'will they or won't they' in the back of our minds. The moment I saw them together at that signing I knew they were endgame. I was angry and envious and bitter, but I wasn't blind," she smiled sadly. "But I think what I did may be somewhat unforgivable in a way. Don't you? You may want to repair your relationship with Elena, but I have no desire to be a part of their lives. I've hurt them and they've hurt me and we're just not good together. And I know you and I are barely dating…if we can call it that…but what does that mean for us? You'll love them and I'll just be me, bitchy Katherine who _doesn't_ love them,"

"I hardly think you need to be so worried right now," he smiled. "You're very much ahead of yourself and me. I haven't even decided if I'm going to the wedding, and I absolutely understand if you choose not to come with. I haven't told Elena yet and this might not be the best way to break the news."

"And you thought _you _being there would ruin her day," Katherine smiled. "The last person she wants to see is me, and the last thing I want to see is Damon actually going through with a wedding. My state of mind before my wedding was probably _nothing_ like what Elena's going through right now. She's all roses and rainbows because she knows, without a doubt, that he'll say 'I do.' I thought he would, too, but there were tiny doubts in the back of my mind. I'm sure those are unheard of to her. And Damon…well, he and I will never be friends like you are with Elena,"

"There's a difference about my relationship with Elena. I actually miss being a part of her life. We were so good for each other for so long. I knew her for eight years before she left New York. She's the center of some of my greatest memories. I don't want to drop her forever. I can't. I hope you understand. I don't _want_ her anymore, but I think I'll always love her a little bit…for what she gave me. I'll be honest with you about that. But it's not the kind of love I'd ruin my future over. I tried that once and it didn't go well,"

"You don't owe me explanations. There aren't answers for the way they love each other, Elijah. No one gets it but them. We have to accept that, I guess. But if we're going to do this…try to be together…I need to know that you'll be honest with me. I'm not perfect. I'm nasty sometimes, but I'm _trying_ to change that," she sighed. "If you _want_ to go to this…I won't be angry. I'm just surprised, that's all. You're brave, braver than I am. I'm a coward when it comes to them."

"You're not a coward. You're hurt. I can respect that you're willing to stay away and not ruin this for them. And of course I'll be honest," he leaned his chin down on her hands. "I have nothing to lie about. It's not about bravery, it's about acceptance. If I want to be her friend, I have to accept what she's chosen in life and hope she'll accept who I've chosen," he winked at her. "We're not together because we couldn't have them. It's why we met, but it's not why we're together. We aren't each other's rebound. Maybe this is _our_ story, Kat…" he swallowed. "Everyone is so wrapped up in Damon and Elena's story…how they were kids and fell in love and anger and pain and yaddah yaddah," he paused and smiled. "So that's _their_ history. It's a wild, amazing history, but what about us? What if all that stuff _we_ went through was meant to get us _here_, to each other. That's how I see it. I was always supposed to know you, Katherine. Not every story has to be epic and full of angst," his finger rubbed across her knuckles. "Sometimes things just click."

Her breath was shallow, shaky. Tears welled in her eyes and she let a small one slide down easily. It wasn't a normal feeling for her; being spoken to like that. It didn't scare her that he was so certain. They weren't rushing anything; had only been together for a week. Nothing was set in stone, yet there was something so different about Elijah.

The thought of someone caring enough about her to say those words made her feel whole. She'd always be a little reluctant, maybe a little hurt and bitter…but Elijah...he was good for her. He was sweet and smart and funny. And he was right; they were a very unlikely pair. But their new relationship held more openness than anything she'd ever shared with Damon. There was something to be said about that; she was changing for the better. She was planting new seeds, taking root in a new set of beliefs. She was done looking at the wrong man in life. She was going to give herself a chance at finding her own perfect man.

"You're sweet," she leaned across the table. "If you need to go, go. I won't be jealous. I don't have any right to be. And it's not like I'd have anything to worry about anyway, is there?" he shook his head. "But you're right, I can't go with you. I'm sorry for that."

"I know somewhere in my mind I actually _need_ to go for her, for myself. I should, but I'm not sure I can. I completely understand why you can't go. Elena was mine in my dreams but Damon actually _was_ yours. You were supposed to walk down that aisle with him. It's a very different situation. And the ways you chose to lash out on him, them, were really ridiculous, you know that, right? I care about you but you have to know that it does hurt my feelings that you were so malicious toward my friend,"

"I know I was a fool for all of it. Okay? I'm ashamed of myself. I can admit that to you because you _listen_ to me. You really listen," She smiled. She loved that about him. Even though he'd fallen under the Elena Gilbert spell, he wasn't pinned down like Damon had been.

She'd told Elijah about stealing the ring just a week ago, before they'd shared their first kiss. She wasn't interested in hiding it from him. Keeping that from him was a sure fire way to end things quickly. That wasn't a game she wanted to play anymore. He's shown disappointment but gratefulness that she'd returned it. The cop in him shook his head but the gentle man who liked her just sighed in sadness.

She continued, "What I did with the ring and the gossip show and…I wanted his attention. I just wanted him to be in the same room with Elena and me and for _me_ to get his attention….just _one_ time I wanted it. Now I'm done. We've said what we needed to say, had our closure. I don't want to open the case back up again. I'm finally okay with how it is. It doesn't mean I want to be best friends with them,"

"The wedding is in two weeks. There isn't a response card. It's too small of an ordeal for that. I won't decide just yet. I'll see how I feel in a few days, okay? But thank you," he pinched her nose. "For being honest and not making me feel ridiculous for still caring about her,"

"And thank you for being so pushy at the airport," she pouted teasingly. "You put a smile on my face on one of the saddest, most honest nights in my life. I was afraid of myself. You distracted me."

"Right back at you," he leaned in and kissed her on the nose. He could still remember the crazy look in her eye as she stormed through the airport terminal. She was fuming and feisty on the outside, but he knew the familiar distant look in her eyes…the one that said she really _was_ sorry for what she'd done. He's seen it in his own eyes, as his memories had started trickling back into his mind. It was a look of fear and self-disgust. No one deserved to hate themselves.

She'd been tricky, at first, but he saw that tiny crack in her angry walls. Elijah was no angel himself; he knew a thing or two about self-destruction. She'd chosen the emotional road and he'd chosen the physical one, but they both led to the same, unnervingly painful result. Katherine Pierce was just a woman scorned. Was it crazy of him _not_ to hate her after what she'd done to Elena? He didn't think so. Elena wanted to fight her own battles and he'd let her. He never planned to like Katherine…she'd just fallen into his lap at the very best of times….

* * *

><p>"Yes, I changed my flight but I still need first class seating!" her neatly manicured fingernails rapped impatiently on the airline counter. "Shouldn't it just automatically transfer?"<p>

"No, ma'am. You changed it late and the only seat we had available was in coach. If you'd like to switch it again we can try to work out a seat on the next flight," the thin woman said. "But that doesn't leave until tomorrow."

"No, I need to leave now," she shook her head. "I at least need a window seat," she slid her sunglasses up on the top of her head. "Do you know who I am? I'm Katherine Pierce. I'm an artist! I can't sit in coach!"

"Like I said, we have a full plane. There's not time or room for changes to seating," she cleared her throat. "Is there anything _else_ we can do for you today, Miss Pierce?"

Katherine grabbed her purse off the counter and turned in a huff, her heels clicking loudly on the floor tiles. Seating in the banks of chairs was limited, too. She eyed one seat in front of the large windows and quickly snapped it up.

It was crowded, uncomfortable. Babies were crying and people were stretched out across three seats, fast asleep. She moved around in her seat, unable to find a comfortable position. The seat was sticky and gross.

She was quick to scoff at the ridiculousness of her situation. There she was, being snotty and bitchy to people she didn't even know and it wasn't getting her anywhere. She simply didn't know how _not_ to act that way. The last few hours had really knocked her down a few pegs in her own head. The vision she had of herself was slowly fading. It would take work, but maybe Damon was right about some things. She'd trapped the real, genuine parts of herself inside a hard shell for years. Maybe it was time she came out of it. She didn't _have_ to be anything she didn't want to be. It was time to redefine Katherine Pierce. She loved a challenge.

Yes, she was in the public eye. People _knew_ who she was, but her confidence had never come across as mean at her events…until that day, maybe. But before that, her demeanor had been skewed, admired. She'd known how to play her cards when she was looking for favors. But it was still possible to be confident and nice, she figured. Balancing it would just take a while…

"Ants in the pants?" a strong voice said next to her. Her eyes shifted to a man in a navy blue jacket with a silver nameplate. There was a goofy smirk on his face. She longed to wipe it off. Was he mocking her?

"Excuse me?" her eyebrows arched.

"You're squirming around. You look like a fish out of water. Are we _coach_ people _really_ that bad?" he asked knowingly. Elijah had heard the whole scene up at the counter. His eyes had widened in disbelief when the woman turned toward the seats and he saw her face.

_That_ face…the face of a woman who'd just defamed his beloved Elena on National television. Katherine Pierce played out in real life as wickedly as she'd seemed on television that day, he thought. Others might adore her but he saw the nasty grin she'd shot at Elena. Of _course_ they'd be on the same flight home!

He knew bits and pieces of her…perhaps no more than the gossip snippet the reporter had said on TV and in the article he'd read. But he'd heard enough to know Katherine wasn't an innocent victim. She'd lashed out too, as had he. It had been in different ways, of course. It could be said he'd publicly humiliated Elena, too by his actions. He'd done everything but scream her name just before he was shot…

They were both a mess over Elena Gilbert.

He could find a sick happiness out of having the upper hand with Katherine She had no idea who _he_ was. She was beautiful and sassy and a complete disaster.

"You're nosy, she said slowly. Maybe she'd try to tone it down a little. She was used to attention from men, but not that kind. He _was_ mocking her!

"Nosy? It's not like I was straining to hear you up there. You were screaming. The entire gate heard your little problem. Now anyone that ends up in the window seat of your aisle knows they're in for a _long_ flight," he shrugged. "And I fear for the person next to you. You're so wiggly,"

Katherine frowned, adjusting once more. "I am not wiggly. These damn chairs are uncomfortable. I don't know how those people can sleep on them," she flailed her arms, pointing across the row.

The balancing act was going to be harder than originally planned, especially with mouthy men who didn't even know her and had an opinion.

Elijah flipped the cover over his tablet and shook his head, snickering to himself.

"I don't make a habit of talking to strangers in the airport. I'd like it to keep it that way. Go back to whatever you were reading…" she said quickly, pushing him away.

"Oh, you mean this?" He turned his tablet back on and showed her the screen. It was lit with a colorful, split picture with her on one side and Damon and Elena on the other. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. Was there no escape from it? "Is this why you're in such a rush to leave right now? Fleeing the scene, are you?"

She sat in silence. "You believe everything you read in an online tabloid?" She asked simply, not giving herself away too quickly. "And even if you do…what could it possibly say that's so bad about _me?_"

"Oh, Katherine," he huffed. "You put me in such a little predicament here," he swallowed. "You see, I both hate and understand what you've done here," he pointed to the article. "You're a lonely, bitter woman who wanted to hurt the man who left you…"

"Don't remind me," she said softly. "I act without thinking when it comes to him. And when I do think, I _overthink_ and it gets bad….really bad…."

"Me too," his eyes slid over Elena's image.

"Why do you care?" she ignored his admission.

"Because I know exactly what it's like to be in love with someone you'll never get," he clicked off the tablet once again when second class boarding began. He stood up, slinging the strap of his bag over his shoulder. "It doesn't mean you have to be a bitch about it," he looked at his ticket and got in the line leaving her at her uncomfortable seat.

"Your vagueness doesn't intrigue me," she followed him as she heard her row being called as well. She grabbed his arm and he smiled, knowingly. "Parks…" she read on his nameplate. "What are you, some kind of cop?"

"Maybe," he handed in his ticket and walked down the jetway with Katherine trailing behind him. "I thought you don't talk to strangers in an airport." He stopped at row 4 and opened the overhead compartment to slide in his bag.

"This is some terrible joke," she swallowed, looking at her seat number. "You're the window seat in my row?" he grabbed her bag from her and put it up next to his. She frowned, noticing his kind actions. She swallowed, a little out of her element with him. She wasn't usually so caught off guard by someone.

"I agree…the universe was not looking out for _me_ today," he teased. He sat down and clicked on his seatbelt. "Oh yes, the view is just so lovely out here." His lips curled upward. She rolled her eyes and fastened her own safety belt. "Soon it'll be all the pretty clouds and tiny buildings…" he smiled. "And you'll be watching Aunt Susie over there down Bloody Mary's." He wiggled his eyebrows. He was having fun, for once, and it was coming from the least likely source.

"Damn Elena Gilbert," she mumbled, tucking her curled locks behind her hear and flipping open a magazine that rested in the pouch in front of her seat.

"Damn Damon Salvatore is more like it," he sighed, tipping his head back up against the seat. She turned suddenly and her eyes widened in shock. He knew exactly what he was doing. He could barely keep the smile off his lips. Oh she was on the line and he was reeling her in slowly and painfully. Katherine Pierce was getting the full on Elijah treatment. He'd used it on Elena in community service and he would use it now. This woman was a hot mess and she needed to realize just how ridiculous she really was. He found her pretty and crazy at the very same time. Maybe he was the hot mess.

"What?" she slid her lipstick across her lips and checked her pocket mirror. "You actually know Damon Salvatore? As in, you knew him before you read the article?"

"I know Elena," he shrugged. "I know Damon _because_ of Elena," he paused for dramatic effect. "Sound familiar? Cue the sad, tiny violins," he sighed. "Poor us, stuck griping at each other instead of with _them_."

"The girl you mentioned loving before…" she was putting the pieces together slowly. He nodded and she closed her eyes. "Never even had a chance, did you?"

"Did anyone when it came to them?" He tightened his lips and she felt her lips forming a smile. Suddenly she didn't feel so alone with her feelings. It didn't mean she liked him. Of course he was handsome and witty. She barely knew him but he drove her crazy. "Have a nice flight, Katherine." He popped his ear buds in.

"Yeah, sure...Officer Parks?" she said softly, realizing she didn't know his name.

"Elijah. Elijah Parks," he smiled, pulling out his earphones. "Now we're not strangers anymore."

* * *

><p>"Lay it out for me," Alaric stood behind the counter of the store. "Does this shirt look like I'm trying too hard? I tried to iron, but it went terribly wrong," he ran his hand through his hair.<p>

Elena smiled. It had been two weeks since Damon proposed. Two weeks more and she'd be walking out of a little white gazebo as Elena Salvatore. Her brain had been mush since that ring slid on her finger. Everything was brighter, better. He was right; she _did_ love that ring. It symbolized so much more than just a promise to be together forever. That ring was a promise he'd made them long that they'd always be a family. He'd meant it differently than she had back then, but the results were just the same. They were born to be together, live their lives together. There was no simpler truth in life.

"You look nice, Ric, really," Elena fixed his collar and loosened his tie, pulling it off. "I think the tie is a no-go, though," she bit her lip. "Way too formal."

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're here. I feel like I'm 14 again. Jenna is just so different than anyone else I've met. She's cultured and smart. I need to impress her. I'm happy to have a woman's opinion before I go,"

"This is your fourth date. I'm sure she's plenty impressed. Just be yourself. We love you, she will too," she kissed him on the cheek. "I'm happy for you, Ric,"

Alaric's eyes fell to Elena's ring as her hand rested on his shoulder. He smiled.

"One week and your forever starts," he sighed. "I want what you two have….but something tells me I'll never quite find _that_," he put on his jacket. "I'm ahead of myself…way ahead. I'll settle for a fifth date, for now," he flattened his hair. "I'm about to ask her to your wedding," he wiggled his eyebrows. "I'd be the lamest best man in the world if I didn't have a date,"

"I don't think I've had the chance to thank you for being a part of this for us. As you know, things are kind of slow in the close friend department. You've been a part of our lives for years. It hardly feels like you were gone for so long. You're a part of our business and a part of our strange little family. There isn't a better candidate than you," she squeezed his hand. "You deserve to be happy. I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you've been for Damon. I love to keep him to myself but he needs friends and so do I. We're lucky to have you,"

Damon strolled into the bookstore and swooped down to kiss Elena before looking at Alaric. He touched her stomach and smiled at Aria's kick. "She's so good at responding to my touches now," he beamed. "I hope she listens to me so nicely when she's older," his eyes widened. "Oh God, what if she's mouthy? What if she mouths off to me?" he swallowed. "Would she do that?"

"I'm sure she will," Elena smiled. "We both remember the mouth on me back then…"

"_Do_ I!" He winked and pressed another kiss on her lips. His hands went to her cheeks and he brought her closer to him. "I remember everything about that little mouth of yours…."

Alaric cleared his throat. "Ahem."

"Ric, when'd you get here?" He frowned, a wicked smile spreading across his lips. Elena rolled her eyes, but blushed. He still got under her skin in the best of ways.

"Welcome back to earth, Damon," Alaric laughed, interrupting his friend's rambling. Damon was becoming more of a space cadet with each passing day. The wedding needed to hurry up because focusing was not a strong point for him just then. "We've missed you,"

"Funny. Aren't you fancy! Date with little miss teacher tonight?" He teased. "Number four. Is this the one where you get to get naked? Let's see, the first date I had with Elena, we…" Elena swatted him and rolled her eyes again. "And _then_ we…"

"I didn't realize there was a calendar I was supposed to follow," he laughed. "But really…this is a big one. I'm asking her to be my date for your wedding. I was wondering if you'd like to come with us for dinner first. We could split up after, do our own thing," he smiled.

"I love Jenna. I mean, I've only met her really quickly once, but she was so sweet." Elena chimed in. "A double date sounds so fun! Come to think of it, we don't really go out on dates," she pouted at Damon. "We should! But I'd hate to ruin your plans for tonight. It might be awkward if we're there when you ask her."

"No, no. You wouldn't be in the way of anything. I'd ask her after we'd gone our separate ways. We could even just do appetizers if you want. I'd love to spend time with you guys outside of this place and I'd love for you to spend more time with Jenna. I think you'd be good friends, Elena."

"I'd like to get to know her better," she nodded. "Now I'm excited," she smiled, kissing Damon on the cheek. "See you at home! I knew there was a reason we brought two cars today! You can lock up and I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

As soon as she was out the door Damon heaved a sigh of relief. "Alaric, you have no idea how great of an idea this is. I love Elena to death but she needs girlfriends. She's already signing up for mommy and me classes and Aria isn't even born. Yesterday she was taking to me about pantyhose. She needs friends in general. She has Elijah but that's a whole other story…"

"Is he coming to the wedding?" He asked carefully. Alaric knew Elijah was a sensitive subject for Damon. While his friend was fully aware that Elena would never leave him, the thought of another man having those kind of feelings for her did still bother him to a certain degree.

"No word. She called him to tell him but she didn't ask him. She sent the invitation and now we wait," he shook his head. "She says she's okay with it but I really don't think she is. She's just so determined to have everything go right. I don't think she'll let anything stand in the way of our day. I just wish it wasn't like this. I wish we had more people to celebrate with us. But we have each other and that's all that matters. We don't need a million people to see our wedding to know our love story is real. I tell myself its better this way, more _us_. But I can't help but think she deserves so much more than what we're doing for the ceremony."

"Those are the words of a man who really loves his bride-to-be. I think all she really wants is you," he clapped him on the arm. They stood in silence, thinking about it for a moment. Then Ric inhaled and said, "But seriously, do you think you have enough time to get ready for tonight? We're leaving in three hours. By the time you get home and shower…"

"Showering is _not_ the problem," Damon swallowed. "We conserve water in our household, if you get my drift," he waggled his eyebrows. "It's the post-showering and the _re_-showering that eats up all the time…"

"Just because she's about to be your wife doesn't mean I want those images in my head when I see her walking up down the aisle in a white dress, Damon."

"Oh I'm kidding…right now," he smiled, thinking of the moment he'd climbed into that shower, fully clothed. "And white is pretty on her," he smiled. "It's not symbolic of us at all and you know it. There's a little kicking ball on her stomach to prove it," he pulled out his keys. "So where are we going, anyway?"

"I thought we'd go to Pearl's, that new little restaurant that opened up on the outskirts of town. It's a little more upscale than jeans and a t-shirt, as you can tell," he flattened his shirt. "Be there at around 7? And Damon…please behave tonight. Please don't pull out the embarrassing high school counselor stories. Especially not the one where you kids put honey on my seat and opened the window closest to the tree with the beehive in it…."

"Deal. No closets, no beehives," he smiled.

* * *

><p>But Damon's worries about the wedding were bigger than he let on. He had an image of Elena walking down the aisle, too, as Alaric did. But Damon's was multifaceted. A rush of emotions filled his belly when he thought of that slow, beautiful walk into forever. Happiness, love and hope topped the list, but he couldn't help but feel that familiar pang of sorrow. She'd be smiling as she walked toward him. She'd have no doubt in her pretty brown eyes that she was making the best decision of her life. But she'd be walking <em>alone<em>. The man who was supposed to take her arm and give her away was lying cold in a box six feet underground. Elena was John's entire world. He should _be_ there. He didn't deserve to be dead, and Elena didn't deserve to have to remember that on their wedding day. She'd be left walking with a ghost on her arm.

John would be so proud of them. He'd be happy to finally call Damon a son. And Miranda and Giuseppe…they'd understand it, too, if they actually saw their love…if it hadn't been poison to their own relationship….

Forever with Elena had seemed an eternity away when they were kids, when they still had their parents. But once they'd finally slayed their demons it was too late. Their parents would see them getting married, it would just be from above the clouds.

* * *

><p>Damon found Elena in a light pink dress looking through old photo albums. He undid the buttons of his dress shirt sleeves and rolled them up to his elbows, stretching his arm out around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. They didn't need to rush getting ready. They had time and it appeared she needed it.<p>

His eyes scanned the pages and saw Miranda and John kissing at the altar.

"Things were so easy for them back then," she smiled. "I was born a year later and my grandma told me when I was a little girl that it was the happiest time of their lives," She flipped the page to see her father holding her tightly in his arms at the hospital. John was red-faced and looked completely exhausted, but he was beaming. "I want things to be that way for us, too. That way and better."

They'd spent hours talking about hopes and dreams for their future over the last two weeks. He'd shared his last big secret with her, about Katherine and the ring. Nothing stood between their happiness, now.

The next page showed Elena when she was about two years old. A group of moms stood together at a park with their little ones running around their ankles. She sniffled a little and smiled. "I love to look at these pictures. Lately I've wanted to remember mom like _this_…a happy part of my life."

Damon leaned over closer to her. He slid a piece of hair from her temple and kissed the skin. There were times to talk and times to listen. This was a time to be quiet and let Elena reminisce. He said everything with his kisses. She heard him loud and clear. He loved her.

"Will life be easy for us? Do you believe in karma? Have we suffered enough that the next 50 years will glide by without a hitch?" She sighed. Her questions were rhetorical. Of course she knew it wouldn't be that way. Dreaming was fun until it became more important than reality.

She turned and met his blue eyes. She'd seen his eyes hundreds of thousands of times, but she still found herself gasping at how calming they were. She could stare for days and still never get enough. And every time his smile reached up and met his eyes, she remembered all the things she loved about him. A simple stare did a lot. He was reaching out for her without saying a word but his thoughts were perfectly clear. He needed her as much as she needed him, and he'd do his best to give her the life she deserved. Her doubts melted when he was around. Just a simple look and everything made sense again.

"I'm worried you're unhappy with the wedding," he said slowly, picking her finger up and kissing the ring before entwining their fingers. "I know you said you wanted small, intimate…but a ceremony with you, me, Ric and a witness from the church? Elena…" he shook his head sadly.

"I can't ask him," she said quickly. "He's the only one I want to be my witness and I can't ask him. I'm not even sure he disapproves of you anymore…it's just the basic principle. It's not right to ask a man who is in love with me to be a witness in my wedding. It's only been two weeks. You should've heard the crack in his voice when I told him on the phone that we were engaged. This is the way it has to be. I invited him and that was hard enough…"

"I'm okay with waiting longer, if you want. This ceremony won't be happening again and I don't want you to look back at photo albums like these of _us_…and be sad that your dream didn't happen the way you wanted it to. I'm being honest because I need to make sure. I love you and I'd marry you _today_ if you wanted. I don't need more time but if you do…"

She shook her head wildly. "This is our wedding. In thirty some years when we're looking through our album with Aria and maybe another kid," she smiled. "I'll be proud to show them how happy we were. But something tells me they won't be shocked…I think we'll still be that happy, even years down the line. We'll have a whole album full of happy times to show them, starting h this picture," she got up and walked into the other room. When she returned, she produced a 3x5 picture of them crossing their eyes and eating Popsicles. Damon burst out into laughter and pulled her back down on the couch, wrapping his arms around her. "There will hundreds of pictures like this one and then there'll be nothing for ten years…." She sighed and he squeezed her hand. "We know we're happy, but how do we explain those years to Aria?"

"We'll tell her we were finding our way back to each other. We couldn't be together. It wasn't right. She'll understand," he smiled. He was brave for her. "It's part of our story. We can't leave it out."

She nodded and smiled. "See…nothing can ruin this for us. There are a lot of people I wish could come to the wedding that can't," she breathed. He immediately understood she was referring to their parents. "But things happen. Life happens. It took me a long time to understand that not everything bad was happening to me as a punishment," he smiled at her words. "Maybe Karma isn't real,"

She had come a long way in six months. The complexities that existed between them the night of the burial were untwisted now, flattened out. There were no secrets, no big lies that threatened to ruin them. When he waited at the altar for Elena he'd have a clear mind and an open heart.

His resolution with Katherine had done him some good. It gave him freedom, the ability to purge the poison from his heart so it would be guilt-free and ready to love Elena for the rest of his life. He'd learned his lesson; love with reservations wasn't a forever kind of love. There weren't trenches in his heart when it came to Elena. He didn't want to hide from _anything_ when it came to her.

"I don't want to wait. I want to marry you in two weeks, like we planned. Yes, I hope he comes, but I don't expect him to. I sent him an invitation…how could I not?" she sighed. "He was a lot of things to me before he was that friend that fell in love with me," her head fell onto Damon's shoulder. "I can see past that if he can. But I could wait forever for him to be ready to be my witness Damon. We can't let another person's feelings or decision dictate our lives. I'm ready to be your wife and I will be. Elijah and I will reconcile when the time is right,"

She got up and pulled her shawl around her shoulders. "Do you need to shower before we go or are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he smiled thinly. He wasn't kidding when he said he'd planned to shower with her. But once he'd seen the look on her face and heard the struggle in her voice he knew it wasn't the time. She needed him to hold her a listen, not rip her clothes off. He could be both men: the gentle and the rough. Today Elena needed the gentle and he'd make sure to do his job.

* * *

><p>Hours later, the four of them were seated in at a booth in the corner of Pearl's restaurant. Elena sat across from Jenna and couldn't help but watch Ric's eyes on her. She felt like a little match maker.<p>

"So Jenna, did you know Ric was rated one of the top five counselors in the state of Virginia my senior year of high school?" Elena wiggled her eyebrows, eating a bit of salad. Jenna smiled at him appreciatively and a little color flushed to her face.

"He also has set up two more author signings for our store in the coming two months," she smiled. "Our numbers are on the rise."

"What is this, promote Ric day?" Damon winked and Alaric's eyes widened, but Jenna simply laughed. Elena could appreciate a woman who had a light heart. Ric needed someone to keep the fun in his life. He often looked stressed and worn. But Jenna was a little younger than him and still held the enthusiasm about teaching that had left his veins. She was a good medicine for his soul; she brought his smile to his eyes and that was something Elena had never seen when she'd looked at him.

"I need to use the ladies' room. Come with, Elena?" She smiled. Elena nodded and slid out of her side of the booth. Damon and Alaric watched them happily.

"Ric's a good guy, right?" Jenna bit her lip, washing her hands at the bathroom sink. "He seems nice but he's so nervous all the time. I just wish he'd relax and let go a little,"

"Ric is one of the best guys I know. I know you and I barely know each other, but believe me when I say you can trust me. I've seen how a lot of guys are in life and Ric is definitely top three," Elena chose her words carefully. Exposing her wild past wasn't something you did the first time _really_ meeting someone. "He'll come around if he knows you like him. He's careful to guard his heart because he's been hurt so many times,"

"I'm not planning on hurting him," she dried her hands. "And Damon seems like a good guy. I only know a little about your relationship but it seems like you know a good man when you see one. I get the sense I can trust you." Elena smiled at her words.

"Oh yes," she laughed to herself. "Damon has always been the only one for me. Damon's a forever kind of man,"

"I think Ric could be something like that, down the line. Not for a while of course, but I haven't completely blocked the thought from my mind. He's different than the other men I've dated. He's down –to-earth,"

"I'm glad. He really cares about you. I'll let him tell you the rest, but I at least wanted to tell you that. He's not so eloquent with words but he's honest and good-hearted. He could use some fun in his life. Your dates have done him some good," she pushed the bathroom door open. "Thank you for that,"

"Think they're on to us?" Jenna whispered, tucking a strand behind her ear. "Think they know we were talking about them?" They approached the table slowly, still talking. Both men watched them. Damon and Alaric were in different points in their lives with their women. It was visible to an outsider by the way their gazes fell on them. Damon's eyes were dancing with Elena's, calling her name. And Alaric watched Jenna carefully, with hopeful eyes. Four pairs of eyes told two, very different love stories.

"Oh God yes," Elena laughed. "And I think they love every minute of it." Jenna smiled as they slid back into the booth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes, Elijah and Katherine. I know, some of you are wondering why the hell Elijah would even consider her after what she did to Elena, but it makes a lot of sense when you think about it. After what Elijah has been through he sees that he can't make his decisions based on others, not even Elena. There was nothing malicious about his choice to get together with Katherine. They are in the early stages and it developed out of nothing. There is no external plotting, so don't worry. They just are what they are, as Damon and Elena are what **_**they**_** are. **

**I know this wasn't a purely DE centered chapter, but in the long run, it is. In less obvious ways, they are setting up friendships and trying desperately to hang onto old ones. **

**Next chapter is the wedding! I am thrilled to write it and will be taking my sweet time with it, as it will certainly be one of the biggest chapters of this story. We still have Aria's birth to look forward to, and a few chapters afterward. **

**Thank you so much for your thoughts. **


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N: I've been waiting to write this chapter since the very first time I sat down to write the prologue. The journey they've gone through has finally led them to happiness, and I couldn't be happier than I am right now to be at this point in the story. **

**This chapter is absolutely mushy. There are a few serious moments, but no anger. I don't want that for them, and I'm sure you don't either. We start with a flashback of Elena and John featuring "Tears in Heaven," by Eric Clapton. :D I've chosen to break up the lyrics from the dialogue for clarity...sorry for all the line breaks, but it's best, I think. **

**Without further ado, the wedding! **

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 27**

"You're a good dancer, Daddy," Elena spun around the bookstore on her Dad's feet. It was 1992 and the world was at their fingertips. They twirled around the empty room to the John's Eric Clapton album.

"I've had a lot of practice, of course," he smiled, "But I have to say, you're a much better dancer than your mother. A lot more agreeable, too," he winked. "And you like my music,"

* * *

><p>"<strong>Would you know my name<strong>

**If I saw you in heaven?"**

* * *

><p><strong> "<strong>Oh, Daddy, you're silly," she laughed. "I've never danced with anyone else you know," she beamed. "Just you,"

* * *

><p><strong>"Would you feel the same<strong>  
><strong>If I saw you in heaven?"<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'd love to keep you to myself forever, but unfortunately you won't always want to only dance with your dear old Dad," he kissed he patted the top of her head. Someday we'll be sharing a dance at your wedding "Someday you'll have to dance with someone else, sweetie. You'll be pretty and twirling around with your husband. I want the first picture of that, okay?" he smiled sadly.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>"I must be strong and carry on<strong>  
><strong>'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven"<strong>

* * *

><p>The song ended and he pulled her into a tight hug. He walked over to the stereo and clicked on the radio instead. A slow song started and John smiled, knowingly. He'd heard the clang of the bell on the door when Damon had walked in.<p>

"Okay, but you'll always be my favorite. I love you," she snuggled into him again. "I don't think I'd want to dance with anyone else but you, right now."

"_No_ one else? Not even Damon?" His eyebrows arched as he saw the blue eyed boy behind them, watching her happily. He'd never said it, but John saw the obvious crush Damon had on his little girl One day she would grow up and leave, as he'd always known. He'd give her away, one day, at her wedding. He'd walk her down the aisle and he'd just hand her off to someone. He knew, since the very first moment he held her in his arms as a newborn, that no man would marry his Elena without getting his permission first. But marriage was decades away, he knew. He'd hold onto her as long as he could, in the tiniest of ways. He'd _never_ give up. He'd learn to share her, slowly. It would start with Damon.

It would_ start_ with a dance. He lifted her up off his feet and walk her over to Damon. "I have to go do some work in the back. You're enjoying the music so much, honey, why don't you dance with Damon?"

"I can't dance," Damon's blue eyes widened. "I never have. I'm nine. Why would I?" he shrugged.

"I don't know, because dancing's fun, duh! And if I _have_ to dance with anyone else, it would be you," Her cheeks turned pink as John stepped into the doorframe of the office.

He watched them talking, laughing. He smiled at the way his baby girl looked when she was with Damon. One day Damon would be something more to her, he knew. He could see it in her eyes when she looked at him. She beamed. Even at nine she marveled at the dark haired boy like he was the most important person in the world…next to her Dad, of course.

"Can I stand on your feet?" Elena frowned and looked at his white sneakers.

"I don't think so," he shook his head. "That would hurt! And make my shoes dirty!" He laughed. They were an arm length apart and moving back and forth awkwardly. Damon swallowed and looked at his hands on her waist.

"Your hands are really sweaty," Elena whispered and he pulled them away from her and wiped them on his pants. She giggled.

"Sorry," he said . " So….you like dancing?" He asked her nervously.

"Yes. And it's a good thing you're dancing with me now. Daddy and I were just talking about my wedding. You'll be there, won't you?"

"I guess so," he shrugged. "Why?"

"Well you _have_ to dance with me at my wedding, Damon. You're my friend. It's what you do," He put his hands back on her side, pulling further away from her. "So you better practice,"

"Oh, okay…" he looked at his feet.

"Why do you look sad?" She saw loneliness in his blue eyes. She didn't often see more than silliness and laugher, but every now and then she was reminded of the little boy she'd met a year ago. The boy who'd just lost his brother.

"Elena…we'll always be friends, right?" Damon didn't spend much time being serious with her. They joked and laughed and teased each other a lot, but in the year they'd known each other, they hadn't really _talked_. "You won't leave me?"

"Don't even say that," she shook her head. "Why would I?"

"I've only ever really had one other good friend…my brother…and he died," he swallowed. "I hate being alone..."

"You aren't," she smiled as the song ended and they automatically pulled apart. "We'll always have each other. I promise. You'll always have me," she held out her pinky and linked it with his. "Pinky swear that you'll dance with me at my wedding, no matter what. You'll steal me from my Daddy or my husband or whoever and dance with me," she smiled. "This way we'll _have_ to stay friends. We can't break a pinky swear!"

"Promise!" He smiled, grateful that he had her. Elena Gilbert had slowly found a way to make him smile again. Stefan's death would always hurt, but she made it a little easier. "Now change the song. This slow stuff is boring. Put on something loud that we can really dance to!" He cranked up the dial and she laughed as they jumped around on the beanbag chairs until their stomach's ached and they fell over in laughter.

* * *

><p>Damon's blue eyes stared back at him in the floor length mirror. He'd rarely taken the time to focus on himself in the last seven months. His eyes had been a vessel to Elena; they'd answered a lot of <em>her<em> questions, she'd said. They'd given her the answers he hadn't been able to form into words. But he saw them now, brilliant blue rings of complete happiness. Elena had told him long ago that they were the window to his soul, but he hadn't understood. Now as the raw emotion threatened to spill down his cleanly shaven cheeks, he knew; he'd never seen himself so happy, so certain so absolutely free….

His soul had never felt so tangible.

His hands worked slowly to knot the silk tie Elena had chosen for him. The next time he'd see himself in the mirror he'd be wearing a wedding ring, he realized. He smiled at the thought and buttoned his cufflinks.

The room was silent, bright with sunlight shining through the picture window. It was noon and the sun was high in the sky. The white, wooden gazebo was visible. His eyes floated along the white walkway of fire and ice rose petals, happy with the setup. He couldn't give her the wedding he deserved, but the vows he'd written would make up for it.

They'd been sprinting toward the wedding for weeks. Now he was alone with his thoughts, processing just what saying 'I do' to Elena would mean to _him_. He'd moved heaven and earth to spend eternity with her. Twenty years of Elena Gilbert was hardly enough time. He'd spent nearly a third of his life waiting for her, praying he'd wake up from the nightmare they'd made. He'd failed himself, failed her, he thought back then.

But now he realized he was the one who'd needed saving. He was half a man without her. Against John's words, against everything he knew in his head to be right, he'd never stopped loving her. It was epic and tragic, but it had never been for attention. Elena Gilbert would live and die as his great love, whether she knew it or not. There was no one else for him. There didn't have to be.

His great love had found him and she was in the room next door, tying up her hair and slipping into her white shoes. He blinked a few times, holding back tears at the thought of her. He couldn't _cry._ When she walked down that aisle she didn't need to walk toward a mess of a man.

He wouldn't be alone up there; Alaric would stand next to him as he took those vows. Jenna agreed to be their second witness, and they appreciated it. Everything had been set for a week, then suddenly something _new _came into the picture.

He bit his lip, exasperated at the exchange he'd just had with the _other_ man out in the hallway. Had he done the right thing? Had he made the right choice for her? When he closed his eyes and thought about the hope in her voice a few weeks ago, he knew he had. The love he had for her transcended any jealousy he'd ever had. He longed for her complete happiness; he didn't _have_ to be the only reason she was happy on her wedding day…

Damon was strong enough to know he was it for her. He could share her, if just one more time...

* * *

><p>"Am I too late?" Damon jumped at the familiar voice behind him. He'd just told Ric he needed a minute to himself to get ready when Elijah walked up to him. "Will she be angry I'm here?"<p>

Damon closed his eyes and swallowed, pressing his hand against the cool glass. The things he'd do to make her happy….

He wasn't sure what to say. He knew Elena wanted Elijah there, but as the weeks passed without response, she'd almost gotten bitter. It had started as hopeful and understanding, but the tone in her voice shifted to desperate and despaired by the end of week two. By the middle of last week she'd accepted that Elijah wasn't coming and asked Jenna to be her witness. But he knew the bitterness in her voice hadn't come from anger. It had come from disappointment. Of course she wanted Eli there, Damon knew. He didn't want to push something away that would make her happy…but he needed to be certain that Elijah's intentions were pure…he couldn't have any interruptions in the middle of the happiest days of their lives.

And then there was the crazy text he'd thought he'd imagined last week. He'd nearly choked on his pancakes when she held up her phone for him to see, "I have a confession; I'm seeing Katherine."

But now Elijah was before him alone. He hadn't brought her. He was there for Elena...

"She won't be angry," he sighed. "Unless you're here to stop the wedding, of course," he raised his eyebrows, concerned. Elijah's face stayed serious, his usual smile strayed from his lips. "You aren't here to do that, are you? You're with…" he frowned and waved his hands in the air. "You're absolutely bat shit crazy for that, by the way…but I don't have the time or sanity right now to talk you out of it,"

"Maybe I am a little nuts…but I'm not crazy enough to bring her here and she wasn't crazy enough to come and ruin your day. I don't think today is the day to discuss who I've chosen to spend time with. I needed to be honest with Elena about it. I know text messages aren't that personal, but I was afraid to hear her voice," he admitted. "I needed to tell her before I could come here. I can't lie to her. Please understand. We can't help who we feel something for," he paused. "How did she react? She never texted me back…"

"I won't speak for her, but I will tell you she's not angry with you, But you didn't answer my question. I know you're with Katherine, but you're not going to make goo-goo eyes at Elena during the service and ruin everything, are you?"

"Absolutely not," he held his hands up defensively. "I've realized how selfish I've been when it comes to Elena. For years I've kept her to myself…I said I wanted her to be happy but I see the reasons for it now. I wanted to be the reason for her happiness, and anytime she mentioned you I made her feel silly for it. I wasn't looking out for her happiness, I was looking out for my own," he heaved a sigh. "I almost let my selfishness keep me from this today," he paused. "Being away from her has been hard…you must know that…"

Damon nodded, listening. He would be strong for her. Damon's actions were selfless. No other groom would have a calm, non-threatening conversation with the man who claimed to be in love with his fiancé. But Elijah was different, he knew. Elena did her best to see the good in him because she loved him too, just not the same way he loved her. Damon knew loving Elena meant accepting Elijah. What better day to start than their wedding day. Everything was fresh…

"I do know that," Damon's eyes locked on Elijah's. He was giving him the third degree with the slightest of looks. He was cautious but hopeful that it really was just all over…all the nonsense, all the jealousy. "You need to understand that you've hurt her, Eli," he used her nickname for him and the man smiled. "Elena doesn't need the stress, so if you're here to make her feel guilty for not choosing you…"

"I'm _not_. I'm standing here in front of _you_…one of the things that stood between what I had with Elena for years…and I'm admitting my selfishness. If you can't see that I'm here for her because I miss her, because I don't _want_ to be selfish with her anymore, then maybe she won't see that either. I'm here because I've had time to realize that when it comes to Elena, I just want her to be happy. You make her happy," he swallowed, "I've spent years telling her to make her own decisions about everything except you," he touched his shoulder and Damon's eyes locked on his hand. "It turns out there wasn't a decision to be made when it came to you. She's always known what she wanted. I just needed to accept that. I _do _accept it…but if you think I'll only upset her by being here…."

Damon heaved another sigh. There were reasons why Elena cared for Elijah, he knew. Pushing him away wouldn't be fair to her. "No, if you really mean what you say, I think she'll be happy you're here," he gritted his teeth, about to say the words he never thought he'd hear himself say. "You should be up there, next to her…you should walk her down the aisle," he exhaled. He knew it was best. "She would want that, Elijah… you're a brother to her…the brother I never wanted to be. She's had to be too tough for too long. I want her dreams to come true. I get to be her dream forever…it's only fair you get to be a part it of today…"

Elijah's chest heaved with gratefulness. He'd never thought Damon would suggest something like that. He was hoping to just sit in a folding chair and watch. "Do I even still deserve to be that to her?"

"Yes," Damon answered quickly. "Elena's never been angry with you. She's just been lost. She told me she didn't think she could ask you because she was afraid of hurting you. She's that selfless, Eli. Promise me you'll be selfless, too, when it comes to my wife," it felt so good to say it…

"I promise," he reached his hand out to shake his hand. "You're right. Elena is a sister to me. I know you and I have had our issues but I'm willing to put them behind us for her. I promise you, I love her but I'm not _in_ love with her like that now. I know that changed quickly and you probably don't really believe me, but I'll show you. And if it's not too ridiculous for me to say, we'll learn to be brothers, too, in time. We'll learn for Elena,"

Damon's eyebrows dipped. He was caught off guard by the emotion that came from that sentence….brothers. Damon didn't know how to be a brother anymore. He'd lost Stefan at such a young age…he'd never really been a step brother to Elena. Alaric was the closest thing he had to family. Elijah was right; it would take time to settle in, but if it was what Elena wanted he'd do it. He'd accept Elijah until the very minute he proved him wrong.

"Maybe," he smiled slightly. "Now go on…she's down the hall in that room, getting ready," he pointed. "You have an unconventional role with her, now. Maid of honor…" he frowned, "Man of honor? I don't know," he laughed and shook his head. "And just because we had a little moment just now doesn't mean I'm cool with you barging in on her when she's getting dressed," he raised his eyebrows again. "Wait for her ourside the gate house. Walk her down to me and take your place next to her. If anyone should give her away to me, it's you. It seems right,"

Elijah nodded, shaking his hand again. "Thank you, Damon…for understanding,"

"Thank you for saving her for me," his lip went up in a lopsided smile. "I owed you one for that," he slapped him on the back and pushed him toward the door. "Now go! I have to get ready. Don't screw this up…" he said seriously, "Don't disappoint me," Damon's words were honest. He didn't often let someone else have the chance to hurt Elena. He'd chosen to depend on Elijah to make this an even better day for her. It wouldn't take away from the reason they were there…to unite themselves forever. It would just be right. It was just so _them_…

Now Damon brushed his hands down his white shirt sleeves one more time before his hand found the doorknob to the outside world. He breathed in the cool air and smiled. This was it. This was the day he'd make John Gilbert, _their_ Dad, proud.

* * *

><p>"You look beautiful, Elena," Jenna tied the back of her dress loosely. "You don't look nervous at all," she sighed, surprised. Elena slipped into her flat white shoes and smiled at herself in the mirror.<p>

"I'm not," she shook her head as her eyes scanned over the pure white dress that fell to her knees. "I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I don't want to spend another minute without him," she bit her lip. "And I won't."

"Oh Elena..." she wiped a tear. "I know we barely know each other, but I'm just so happy for you. I'm honored to be your witness. I'm sorry you can't have your best friend here, but I want you to know that this means something to me. The little time we have spent together has been fun and I hope we get the chance to do it some more. You and Damon are like family to Ric. You're so important to him,"

"He _is_ family," she smiled. "He's an older brother and a Dad all rolled into one. We have a lot of expectations when it comes to women for him, and you meet all of them," she smiled. "Thank you for that too, Jenna. Thank you for bringing Ric happiness,"

Jenna nodded simply and smiled. "I'll give you a minute," she felt the tears rising in her own eyes for a future she'd just started to see. One day she hoped to feel even _half_ of what Elena did. From what she gathered, it was an emotion that was rare or often misunderstood. But there was no confusion in Elena's eyes. She knew what she wanted and she'd made strides to get there. Jenna admired that.

When she heard the door click closed behind Jenna, Elena took one final look at herself in the mirror. She watched her brown eyes quiver with tears of happiness and dreams come true. "Twenty minutes and I get to sign my name as Elena Salvatore," she whispered to herself, twirling in a slow, gentle circle. She looked down at her ring and beamed. She felt like a princess. She felt like a little girl again, getting everything she wanted. She raised herself up on her tiptoes in excitement and just breathed. Emotions long buried, long lost were clear and bright now. Damon brought the very best out of her and she knew it. He didn't _make_ her a better person; he reminded her of the beautiful person she'd always been.

She touched her stomach and swallowed. "I'm glad you're here today, Aria. I hope you understand why we couldn't wait for you to be born. You have a lot of growing to do and I want to make sure you get to do that in peace. I love your Daddy so much that I just can't wait anymore. I will be at peace when I'm finally really his…and you will be, too," she sighed. "We're starting all of our lives together, the three of us. This is just one step toward the future of the Salvatore family," she licked her lips as her eyes flicked to the clock on the wall. Fifteen minutes….

Her heart pounded as she pushed the door of the gatehouse and pressed her flat white shoes into the gravel. In just a moment she'd be rounding the corner to walk down a path of petals to Damon, the one thing that made sense in the world. Her hands shook with excitement, not nerves. It was just a legality, maybe, but this wedding was so much more to her. She didn't _need_ a piece of paper to know they'd be together forever. She didn't care about the formalities. The softest parts of her heart knew being Damon's wife was the stuff dreams were made of. Nothing would seem so terrible now that he was hers forever.

* * *

><p>When her feet moved from gravel to grass she saw him. Elijah was leaned up against the brick wall between the gatehouse and the gazebo. They were alone, startled. Her breath hitched in her throat and a small gasp escaped her red, lipstick covered lips. He was there….<p>

She approached him slowly, gently. "Eli…" but he shook his head and reached his arms out to pull her into a hug. She walked into him slowly, wrapping her arms around his back. "I didn't think…"

"_I_ didn't think, Elena," he whispered, resting his chin on the top of her head, careful not to mess up her hair. "I've been selfish with you. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I made you feel you shouldn't love him…I'm sorry I made you feel bad for your daughter…I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I was stupid and reckless and did this to myself," he pointed to the scars on his neck. "I lost control when I thought I'd lost you…but now I see that I don't _have_ to lose you," he smiled, feeling her head shaking 'no' below his chin.

"I love Damon…Elijah, this is my wedding day. You realize that, right? You realize what this means…you won't change my mind," she smile sadly. "You're happy now, right? With Kat…" her words were gentle, understanding. Of course she'd been shocked and a little concerned for Elijah's state of mind when she'd heard. He was still healing, and while Katherine had shown her weakness, she wasn't convinced she'd changed her ways quickly enough to capture the heart of someone as sweet as her dear Elijah. "We can talk about that later, okay? I'm not angry," she assured him and squeezed him a little tighter.

"Yes I know," he pulled away from her slowly, looking into her watery eyes. "You're my best friend, Elena. I just want you to be happy. I want to be happy, too. I want to be there for you, to look at you without hurting. I don't want things to be so tense anymore. I want so very badly to be here for you, but I don't want to just assume you want me here after what I've put you through. I'll leave if you want," but again he saw her head shaking. "But I'd love to be here, however you want, if you'll let me,"

"Does Damon know you're here?" She swallowed, wiping a tear.

"Yes, he suggested this," he held his arm out and Elena's heart pounded again at the thought of Damon's face. He wowed her in different ways, every single day. "If I'm your brother, I should give you away. I want walk you down the aisle to him, if you'll let me,"

Her chest clenched in emotion and she gasped, "I can't ask you to do that…" she frowned. "I'd love you to give me away but isn't that too much? After…"

"No, Elena. I want to. This is _good_…I want to give you to the man you really love...the man you've always loved and needed. I've kept you from that for too long. I accept it. I want to show you that I do. And just because I'm giving you away doesn't mean you're gone forever, right? You'll still be my friend,"

"Always," she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, "Aria needs an uncle," she winked as she slunk her arm through his. "And I need my friend. We won't lose this," she assured him.

* * *

><p>They turned the corner and walked down the aisle slowly, stopping at the edge of the petals. Damon's eyes widened at the sight of her. His bride was walking toward him. She was all pretty eyes, silky white dress and long legs. It didn't even matter that she was on the arm of another man. She was stepping slowly to him...just feet away from the gazebo. Ten years of running in the opposite direction led to this; a slow, certain walk into forever.<p>

His eyes filled with tears as he saw Elijah move his arm and lead her to him. She kissed her friend on the cheek and he stepped back, sending her off. But her hand caught his elbow and she pulled him into the gazebo. She nodded, encouraging the thing he'd wanted but hadn't bet on. She wanted him there, by her side. Jenna motioned to step away down into the seats but Elena shook her head. "No, Jenna. Stay," she smiled. "I want you here, too." Jenna smiled and stepped back in her place. "You're my friend, too,"

* * *

><p>And the wind blew gently through their hair in the little white gazebo as the first words were spoken.<p>

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert, two individuals who have known and _loved_ each other for a lifetime…" the reverend spoke. He wasn't random; he'd been a frequent customer of their bookstore since they were kids. "I have seen their love throughout the years and am pleased to do the honors," he smiled at them.

The rest of the words flowed easily, but Damon and Elena couldn't process them. They were lost in each other. For all they knew, they were alone somewhere, speaking only to each other. He held her hands tightly, as their vows began. She'd never looked so beautiful as he said,

"Elena…." He smiled, "There are a thousand cheesy things I could've put into these vows," he watched her water eyes smile, "because that's what people do on their wedding day, right? They make promises, they exchange rings….they look each other in the eye and honestly _think_ their lives are going to be perfect and carefree…" he reached up and touched her face. "Many people who stand together like this, making those promises haven't had a serious fight. They only know happiness. They promise things without meaning them. They go through the formalities because it's expected of them," His thumb stroked her cheek. "But I stand before you today, up here with our friends and our _family_," he emphasized, "not ashamed to say we've been through hell. I'm _proud_ of what we've done…how far we've come. We rose above it all, Elena. We've beaten the odds. I know in the deepest parts of my heart that we will _never_ fail at this. We have never failed at loving each other. We will fight over stupid little things that don't matter. We will cry and fight because that's what we _do, _Elena. We _feel_ everything…the good the bad…the happiness, the sadness, the pain...everything's extreme with us…it always has been. That's why we thought we failed, baby. We've loved each other with everything for ten years. We've felt every twist and turn of a love we thought couldn't have. It hurt because of how deeply we felt it. We were too stubborn to give in, Lena, because we were afraid. We felt that fear, too. But I'm not afraid anymore," he shook his head as the tears rolled down her pretty cheeks.

"I love that you make me feel everything this much. Happiness with you, love with you is ten times better than it ever was alone. You look into my eyes and I realize that every second of our past has led to this moment. I love every single part of you. I love you wholly, completely. I love you for what you've been to me and what you'll always be. I'm a son and a store owner and a friend, and a father," he smiled. "And now I'm going to be a husband…your husband. We're _not_ like those giddy, normal couples that stand at the altar in front of hundreds of people _thinking_ they know what forever means. We're Damon and Elena. We know all about forever. Forever is a long time, but it won't be nearly long enough to show you just how much you've changed my life for the better. I barely remember life before you..." he heard a little gasp escape from her lips. Her cheeks were pink and she looked completely blissful. "I like it that way..."

"There is so much more I want to say, but I can't form the words. I promise you, Elena, my vows won't end here. I won't walk down that aisle with you and promise you a forever that won't come true. I will make new vows every day we spend together. I will spend the rest of my life telling you and showing you exactly how much I love you and what you mean to me. I promise you, I promise Aria…without a doubt, you will always know I love you. I will _never_ leave you."

"I Damon, take you, Elena to be my wife…to have and to hold, from this day forward until we no longer grace this earth…" she slid the wedding band on her shaking hand and brought it up to his lips.

The reverend looked toward Elena with gentle eyes. After a moment she spoke with a shaky voice. "You always know what to say to me," she smiled, wiping a tear. "You're charming and sweet and you get me every time," she laughed, "I love that about you. I always know how you feel. You've been an open book to me since I've come home. You fought for me…you waited for me. You let me swear at you and blame you and push you away. You never gave up on me. You never gave up on us….you wrote a _book_ about it," her voice caught in her throat. "You never stopped loving me when I made it so easy to do so," he shook his head and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "You held onto me when I'd given up on _myself_..."

"And then you let me in as if I'd done you no wrong. Even after everything that's happened between us, you loved our baby before she was even a reality. You've never changed, Damon," she smiled. "You're still that same little boy I met in the aisle of our store twenty years ago. You didn't change _me. _You quickly realized changing wasn't what I needed. You accepted who I am. _You_ reminded me who I used to be, and made me love who I am now. You are strong…you've made me strong. I can't count the amount of times you've saved me…." She stopped, knowing her words would sink in the right places of his mind. His greatest fears of not being able to be that for her were quashed.

"There aren't words to explain what you've made me feel since the very moment we met. I love you because you let me tease you when we were little. I love you because you made me absolutely _jealous_ of your girlfriend in high school. I love you because you taught me _how_ to love when I thought it was all just a fairytale that would never come true. We won't make our parents' mistakes, Damon. We will love honestly until the day we die," she nodded when she saw a small tear roll down his cheeks, "Because that's who _we_ are,"

"And I've never said this to you, but I'm going to say it now because I need to. I love that you stood up to me all those years ago," a small sob fell from her lips now. "You made me so angry when you just kept after me in college, when you doted on me... you made me angry because I couldn't stop loving you. You were in my face and it was the best and worst thing that could've happened. I pushed you away but I _needed_ you there. You said I'd never lost anything back then, that I didn't understand your pain…but baby…I thought I'd lost _you, _and the fear of that was real enough to count. I thought I would die if I had to endure another day by your side without being able to hold you. My emotions were real, they were just poorly played."

"I was messed up and afraid. I couldn't admit to myself that you had me in your best interests. But I always knew you did, Damon…I just forgot myself in the process. I hurt myself for it. I hurt you. I lost myself, and in turn, I should've completely lost you. But I didn't," she smiled when he wiped another one of her tears. "I never lost you, not even for a second, did I?"

He shook his head and mouthed 'no.'

"I'm saying this today because I embrace it. I embrace my past and what it's made me. I think I love you more because of what you've done to me. You've made me love and embrace _myself. _I love you for making your own decisions. I love you for making the _best_ decisions for us…for you and me and Aria. You are selfless when it comes to us. You look at me as if I've been by your side all along, like we've been together and happy for years. And it feels that way to me. It feels like so much longer than just seven months. Moments like these, when I look into your eyes and let myself just _feel_ everything between us, it feels like we've never hurt each other at all."

"You make me feel like a little kid, Damon. You make me laugh and pout and feel all the emotions so many adults let slip through the cracks. I don't ever want to stop. I will be cheesy because I'm so there right now. I _am_ cheesy when it comes to you. I want to tease you until you're 80 years old and can't hear me anymore. I want to hold your hand and make you feel my love until you can't feel anything anymore. _This_ ," she pointed between them, "This love will never die, even after we do…" she sniffled. "Our great love will live on through your story and through our children…generations will know the story of Damon and Elena Salvatore. There will never be a greater love story than ours; we fell in love, we fell apart, and we fell together. We worked hard for what we have. I love you for making me want to fight for us, wanting to fight _my_ fears to be with you. But now the fighting can just stop. We've _won_," she swallowed. "I, Elena Gilbert, take you Damon Salvatore, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live and an eternity after we've passed. I love you," she slid the ring on his finger and he smiled brilliantly at her. "Forever..."

The reverend carried on for another few moments before they heard "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride…." The very next moment Damon's lips were crashing on his wife's. They moved in a slow, consuming motion, pushing every ounce of emotion and love that he felt for her into her body. She was finally his and he'd never let her go again.

When they turned to walk down the aisle, Elena's eyes lit up. There were guests dotting the little folding chairs in the grass. Mrs. Flowers, Pearl, Sheriff Forbes…

Elena swallowed. She'd been so caught up on the moment when she walked toward Damon that she hadn't noticed. People came for them. She looked at Damon happily and he whispered, "I may have hung up a little wedding invitation on the board outside of the store," he winked. "I thought our little town might want to share our joy, our story," She nodded and he kissed the top of her head. "Many of them have been a part of our story, and a moment like this can't go by without a _little_ attention," he pinched his fingers about an inch apart. "I have to gloat about my beautiful wife, you know,"

They chatted for awhile Elijah and Ric and Jenna. They laughed and ate sandwiches and just enjoyed being in the moment. They didn't need fancy meals or people waiting on them. They'd made their own way their entire lives. Their wedding was no different.

Damon pressed his hand against a tree as he talked to Alaric. The men's eyes were stuck on Jenna and Elena. "Look at that smile, Ric..." he sighed. "I hope she smiles like that forever. I don't expect perfection with us, but I somehow think we're a little closer than a lot of couples. Thank you for today. Thanks for helping me set up and keeping me sane. My intentions to make this perfect nearly did me in," he shook his head. "I didn't get you a gift...I didn't get you anything to thank you for what you've been to us, Ric,"

"Oh I don't need one," he laughed. "A good glass of bourbon with you in a couple of weeks when your honeymoon is over will be good enough. And again in two months when your baby girl is born," he smiled. "You know I'll be there for it. I _am_ one of the godparents, after all," he smiled.

"Sounds good. It's been a while since we've just kicked back," he smiled. "When things settle down we will. The girls can cry over girly movies or something and we can sit around and shoot the shit. Sound good?" Ric slapped him on the shoulder and nodded.

Then it hit him. He'd have to discuss it with Elena first, but he knew the perfect way to say thank you to Ric for the important role he'd played in their lives. He smiled, keeping the secret to himself.

"Okay, Jenna's on her fourth glass of wine. Time to assess the damage," Alaric smiled as he walked away, leaving Damon staring at Elena's joyful smile as she laughed with Elijah and Jenna.

* * *

><p>After a few hours, when the sun had set and the sky had darkened, Elena's eyes became heavy.<p>

They enjoyed cocktails, sparkling juice, and a small wedding cake under the stars that night. Elena looked tired, achy. Her shoes were off and in the grass next to her. Damon's lips turned upward with a thought. He nodded at Ric, who cued up the music,

"You look tired, baby," he stroked her chin softly. They were seated inside the gazebo, away from everyone else. "You look exhausted, actually. I'm sorry…."

"This has been the best day, Damon…every part of it. But I am tired. I'm 7 months pregnant and I've been on my feet all day. I don't want to whine. I don't to be a baby. I want to dance and I want to remember this...I just don't know if I can..."

"Then we'll dance," he smiled, leading her out to the grass, "We'll dance one dance, or until you're too tired," he whispered in her ear. "Hold on to me...you can stand on my feet and I'll carry us both," he saw her eyes glistening with tears under the park lights. His feet creaked on the wooden floor of the little gazebo, but all they could hear was sweet music around them. It was singing to them, for them. They were the center of the universe in that moment.

"We made a pinky swear about this," he smiled, holding her as closely as he could. Her stomach bumped against him and he touched it briefly before he bet her eyes again. "I don't break pinky swears, Lena," he winked. "That's just _asking _for trouble," he raised his eyebrows. "Unless my wife wants to break them…"

She shook her head. "No…" she shifted her bare feet on his shoes and they moved slowly to the music again. "Can we see them tonight? I know it's late, and we're _both _tired…but I promised my Dad something and I need to make good on that. He couldn't be here, but I won't break a promise to him, either,"

"Anything you want," he whispered, bringing her temple to his lips. "Anything for Pa,"

* * *

><p>So when the music had ended and the small crowd dissolved, Elena and Damon found themselves alone with a Polaroid camera. They snapped pictures of them kissing, and of them making silly faces.<p>

She found a burst of energy when they reached the cemetery, running through the grassy field, dodging headstones and crashing into the damp grass in front of John Gilbert's headstone. Damon chased after her, laughing. He crashed down next to her. They were kids again. "We did it, Daddy…" she sniffled, placing the picture in the holder next to the ultrasound. "We finally did it," Damon shifted from his knees to sit on the ground behind her, and pulled her back into his arms.

"Your dress," he pointed to the grass stains on the clean, white fabric, "I'm sorry you got dirty, Lena," He sat with one leg bent beneath him and the other knee up in the air, resting her back against his chest. His one hand pressed into the moist grass and the other stroked the hair that fell onto her neck. He smiled. The moment was so pure, so beautiful. His wife, his _Elena _was in a wedding dress running to her Dad. It was _so _her. It was the little girl he'd never lost. He'd hold onto her forever.

They sat there for half an hour, not saying a word. Elena looked up into the sky and the moonlight bounced off her skin. Damon smiled as he watched the wonder in her eyes, knowing exactly what she was thinking. She was wondering if her Dad could see them now. "He knows," he whispered in her ear, kissing it. "He knows we found forever, baby," and he felt her fall into sobs in his arms.

She cried in grief and happiness and just _because_. She cried because she could be herself with Damon. She didn't have to say a word and he understood what she was thinking, feeling. She never had to hide a single thing about her again. She found peace in that cemetery...in his arms.

Her Daddy was in Heaven, but as hard as she squinted, she couldn't see him in the stars. He was there smiling down on them on their wedding day instead of holding her in his arms as he'd so hoped to do many years ago. Heaven felt so _far_ away sometimes…

But moments like those, when Damon held her and let her just _be, _made her realize heaven wasn't just for those who'd died.

She found heaven the moment she realized she never had to hide from _herself_ again.

Damon smiled as he felt her breathing even out against his chest. They were on the cold, wet ground and Elena was sleeping. He hoped she was dreaming of their day…of the future they'd share. He didn't even care that their first night as husband and wife wouldn't be wild and passionate in their bed.

He'd wake her soon, but not just yet. He'd carry her to their car. He'd take her out of her wedding dress and slip her under the covers and hold her until she woke the next morning in the post-wedding glow. But they'd have this moment...

This moment, this _raw,_ pure moment defined them. They didn't have to be like everyone else. They were Damon and Elena and that was enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for your time and thoughts! I would love to hear what you thought, as this chapter has been a long time coming. We have about three more chapters left. Aria will be here soon and we'll get that look into the future I've been dreaming up since I wrote the prologue two months ago. **

**Thank you for letting me share this with you :D**


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: We're jumping ahead 2 months! You know what that means. **

**This has been a fun chapter to write. I'm so close to the end, but I feel I've really touched everything I needed to to effectively tell their story. You have all been so great with the reviews. I sincerely appreciate it. Love to hear your thoughts on this very big, important chapter.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Chapter 28**

Damon's chest rose and fell in a new rhythm; she was there, sleeping against his heart. His five hour old sweetheart had already become so many things; his daughter, his dream, his tiny heroine. The whole world was in his arms.

Aria's hand was wrapped tightly around his finger. Holding her daddy's hand was her first favorite thing, he hoped. She was soft and fragile. He'd been resting in the same position for hours. His hands and feet had fallen asleep long ago, but he was afraid to move. She'd been sleeping for two solid hours. She'd be awake soon enough to eat; so would Elena.

"Is there anything else your wife needs, Mr. Salvatore?" a nurse asked quietly as she walked into the dimly lit room. His eyes tried to focus on the clock. Damon leaned back on the loveseat couch next to Elena's hospital bed. She was fast asleep; she had been for hours. Her hair was stuck to the side of her face and her cheeks were still pink from hours of exhausting labor. She hadn't gotten short tempered with him once during the whole thing. She'd just held his hand and stared at him as she cried. But her tears weren't angry, they were hopeful. They were the tears of a mother who was just ready to meet her baby.

"Nope, just sleep," he yawned and the nurse grinned as she walked out the door nodding. They all needed sleep. The last ten hours had been exhausting, to say the least.

He'd known something was up with her that morning when she'd been dusting and rearranging dresser drawers at 5:30 a.m. He'd done his best to soothe her but when Elena got something into her head, it stuck.

* * *

><p>"I'm just saying, it might be better if you relaxed today instead of running around the house. I don't think a woman who is 9 months pregnant is supposed to be using a shop vac to get dust out of the corners, Lena," he frowned. It did seem a bit extreme.<p>

"There's no time! I have to do this, right now. And I may be nine months pregnant but I can _do_ whatever I want. I'm not an invalid. I'm not on bedrest," she said, on the brink of tears. "Why won't you just let me do what I want?" her hormones were insane, he'd decided. He didn't often test her patience, but there were some lines that just had to be crossed.

His head crashed into his hands. It had been months since she'd pulled that out on him. He'd worked hard, made a good effort to ensure he wasn't babying her to the point of no return. But here there she was on her hands and knees in the corner of Aria's room, a week and a half from her due date. He could be adamant but nice about something at the same time, he was sure.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do…" he walked toward her, squatting down next to her.

"Just what _not_ to do," she stood up and walked away from him with her hands on her hips. "Just go to work, Damon…" her voice shook.

"Come with me. If you want to clean, you can work on some stuff in the nursery room upstairs there...where I can _hear _what you're doing..."

"Don't do that..." she shook her head. "Don't make me feel like a baby,"

"Come on, I'm not trying to argue," he glanced down at her stomach. "I"m _sorry_," he pled for her understanding. "But you've been having those…you know…Braxton something or another for two weeks. How will you know if it's the real thing or if it's just that again? We've messed up twice now…" They'd been to the hospital twice in the last month, thinking she was in labor.

"Braxton Hicks contractions," she sighed. "And I wasn't the one who got overexcited about it and dragged me to the hospital. You've been sleeping with your shoes on for the last two weeks, Damon. I sit up a few times in the middle of the night and you're practically halfway out the door. After feeling those false alarms, I'm sure I'll know when it's real," she assured him. "In the meantime, I can't sit around worrying about every little pain I have. I need to get up, move around. Some pain is normal at this point, and I'll know when it isn't,"

"There's moving and then there's industrial vacuuming. You're doing too much. Leave it, okay?" he walked back over behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them gently.

"I can't leave it! She's going to be here in less than two weeks and we haven't even put her clothes in her dresser. She's going to have no clothes, Damon," she turned around, flailing her arms around wildly. He swallowed knowingly; he wasn't going to win. "What kind of mother does that make me? I'm already behind on laundry and she isn't even born. They're all in the bags still…"

Damon exhaled. He'd read a thing or two about Elena's 'situation' in a book he'd bought. She was panicking. For months she'd been the calm one. She'd only issued concerns in the beginning but a few months in she was as cool as a cucumber about the mother role. She'd made the future parents thing look easy. But her confidence was wavering now, as it got closer. She was worried; but maybe about the pain and the process than the actual product.

Just last week she'd watched three straight hours of birthing shows on TV and hadn't come out of it well. Slowly but surely she was unraveling; but she hadn't been quick to show it. He could see it in her eyes, however; she projected fear through anger and panic, as she had with so many other things in her life. But he couldn't blame her for being afraid; she was the one who had to go through the pain. He showed comfort and patience in her weakest, mouthiest moments.

"You don't have to worry about any of it. I'll do it when I get home. All of it, okay? I'll stay up until I finish everything you want done…just sit down, please….at least for a little while. I'm not trying to be overbearing. I just don't want anything to happen to you. I have to be at work today. I can't cancel on the author that's coming in for the signing. I would if I could…but we've had three solid months of profitability,"

"I wouldn't ask you to cancel," she sighed, noticing the look in his eyes. He was clearly torn in two about what to do. He wanted to be with her but he needed to be at the store. It was simple. It had nothing to do with choosing either over the other. She knew he'd always choose her. "Ughhh, I'm sorry!" she pouted. "I don't know what's gotten into me. Suddenly it's here. Nine months of waiting and we could've been doing so much…now we'll never get this all ready before she's born. I don't mean to complain. I appreciate everything you've done, but I can't help but worry,"

"I know what's wrong," he smirked, unsure if he should diagnose her or just let it be. But when she bit her lip, he smiled. He slid his hands gently down the length of her arms, "Baby, you're nesting," he looked her right in the eyes.

"Nesting? What am I a bird now?" she crinkled up her nose.

"Oh come on, it's in every good 'expecting' book," he waggled his eyebrows. "Someone's behind on her reading assignment," his lips twisted upward in a smile when she sighed and tried to repress a laugh. "Your making a last ditch effort to be sure everything perfect before she comes. And if you are nesting, you better slow down because that's a sure sign that she's coming soon,"

"She's not," she said seriously. "I mean, she _is_, clearly," she pointed to her rounded belly, "but she's not due for a week and a half and from what the doctor said, first babies tend to be late. And there was no indication at my appointment that anything was starting. I'm not even dialated. I have time, just not enough time to sit around and be lazy. And I appreciate you offering to help, but I'm fine, really. Don't worry about lil' old _me_. Elena Salvatore is a trooper,"

"Music to my ears, even two month later," he kissed her temple. "A wonderful, non-stressful two months. So let's keep that going, okay? You don't have to sit around, just promise me it won't look like a completely different room when I come home. Promise me you won't try to do nine months of work in ten hours?"

"I can deal with that," she leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "Don't let my craziness fool you; you might make me cranky but I love your protectiveness, and I love you,"

"I love you," he kissed her lightly, giving her one last pleading glance before he walked out the door.

* * *

><p>He was right, he knew he was. It was his job as a father and husband to make sure she was safe and cautious. It was hard to balance caution and independence when it came to Elena. The issues between them were healed, mostly, but there were times they still walked that thin line. It didn't define them, but it did still exist. It never snapped, but it still stretched and tightened from time to time. They wouldn't be <em>them<em> without a little indifference.

He had her best interests at heart, always. He often closed his mouth about the things he knew would simply upset her. But he knew every twist and turn her heart had made in life. Some were for the better, others were for the worse. But this time, as she scurried around their house, she was terrified.

But he did as he promised. He went to work and tried to focus as best he could. He wanted to believe she was just proving a point, that she'd settle down once he'd left. But something told him she hadn't relaxed. She could easily drop bouts of worry about things _other_ than Aria; but when it came to her little girl, she'd go the moon and back to make sure everything was perfect. Chances were she hadn't settled down at all, he knew.

A phone call nine hours later proved just how well he knew her. "Hi Damon," Jenna swallowed. Her throat was dry. This wasn't a phone call she'd ever figured on making.

"Ric, your _lady_'s on the phone," he called out loudly to the back of the store, laughing to himself.

"No…no, I'm calling for you," her voice shook and a smile slid up to her lips. Damon strained to listen through her sudden rambling. "I stopped by to see if Elena wanted to go for dinner since I knew you guys were working late tonight and while I was here … it was early release day and..."

"Enough backstory…." He swallowed, "spit it out, Jenna…" he knew her well enough to know she could ramble on for days before she got to the point.

He heard some screaming in the background and felt a kick in _his_ stomach.

"NOW DAMON!" He could hear Elena yelling in the background and his eyes widened. He gulped. He needed no more clarification.

"Elena's water broke," she said quickly. "You need to come home now. She's freaking...and when I say freaking..."

"Oh God, oh God…" he ran his hands through his hair. "Put her on the phone," he walked back to the office to find Ric and scribbled "BABY NOW, GOTTA GO," on a piece of paper. He mouthed the words wildly as he waited for Elena to get on the phone. Ric nodded nervously. Damon and Elena had become like family to him. He was worried about her, too.

"Damon!" He called after him as Damon threw on his coat and grabbed his keys, "Call us when she's born. I'd like to be there for you after the store closes. I _am_ a Godparent, after all. I want to meet that little monster,"

"Of course," Damon smiled before he pushed through the door. After a moment he heard his fragile-voiced wife come on the phone.

"Damon…" he hadn't heard that amount of hurt in her voice since they'd broken up ten years ago. She was weak, desperate.

"Just go to the hospital, Elena. I'll meet you there." He knew it wasn't going to over well but he said it anyway. He had to think of her safety this time. She was stubborn as hell about doing things on her own until it came to going to the doctor or hospital. She hadn't been to one appointment without him.

"No I want to wait for you to come home," she shook her head. "I don't want to go without you. I have time. You're just a few minutes away. I just need to be there within the next hour, right? That's what the doctor said, and…" her voice was shaking now. "Please, Damon…don't make me go without you,"

Against his better judgment he agreed. The pain and need in her voice was enough to change his mind. She _had_ to hurt; he wasn't going to hurt her more by making her angry.

"Sit tight, baby. I love you. I'll stay on the phone the whole time. Make sure Jenna gets that bag I packed for you ready," he sighed but she fell silent.

After a moment he spoke up. "Elena, are you alright?"

"No…." she swallowed. "I'm afraid…." Her voice shook. "I know I wasn't very nice to you earlier. You were right," she paused. "I overdid it to prove a point."

"I don't care about any of that. I just want to make sure you and Aria are okay right now. Everything's going to be fine. We've practiced this hospital thing a lot right?" He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "We got this," he was brave for her, but inside he was just as afraid.

"I'm sorry that I pushed myself…." She ignored his comment, concerned with her own thoughts, "But now I can't go back. She's coming, just like you said she would…and I'm not ready. I'm not ready!"

"It's _okay_," his heart was pounding and his throat was dry. He just wanted to be there with her. He'd come across every red light between the store and their house. "We're ready…we are. We have to be, okay?"

She fell silent for a few minutes at a time to ride out the contraction. When she spoke again, he could hear the tears in her voice,

"Are you almost home?" she asked, bravely. He was right; she had to be ready. She had her jacket on and was standing next to Jenna by the door.

"Almost," he said moments before he pulled into driveway. He was out of the car in a flash, running to the front door. When he opened it he was met with her shaky body, crashing into him.

Jenna rushed around to get everything they need as he held her. She'd become a great friend in the few months they'd known her.

Not five minutes later she was frozen in pain again, a twisted, horrified look on her pretty face. "I'm sorry, Lena," he frowned. "I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm not sorry about Aria but I'm sorry it hurts so much," he was rambling now, and all she really needed was him to hold her. He led her out to the car where she froze up again on the ride to the hospital.

"Tell me what I can do!" He gripped the steering wheel. "There has to be something I can do to distract you from it!"

"There isn't," she shook her head, tears flowing out of her eyes. "I'm excited but I'm afraid, Damon. What if my body isn't strong enough? What if something happens to me?" They were worries she'd kept to herself until the last month, he knew. He'd heard bits and pieces of concerns in her voice after her weekly doctor appointments. Each time the doctor had assured her that everything was fine and on schedule. The baby wasn't _too_ early; there weren't really risks. But she held the fears every expecting mother did. She feared not making it…not being there to raise her child, to be with Damon…

"You'll be fine. We'll all be fine," he held her hand as they drove to the hospital. "We have come so far; nothing's going to happen now. We're going to be brave, you're going to be strong and have our little girl and then we'll finally have everything we've ever wanted," but he wished he was as brave inside as he sounded on the outside. He had worries, too. He couldn't lose her, couldn't lose them. But it was modern times; unless something strange happened this would all be routine, they'd said. But that was so much easier said than done he realized now, as it was _his_ wife who was clutching the car door handle and crying in pain.

The rest of the ride to the hospital was a blur. There were sirens blaring as they pulled through the emergency room.

"Elena Salvatore…" she'd said loudly, leaning on the front desk of the emergency room. "I'm here to have our baby," Damon rubbed her back. She was assertive, even in labor, he thought and smiled.

* * *

><p>Things were cruising along at first. She was checked into a room and hooked up to monitors. But things came to a screeching halt when her dilation slowed at 5 centimeters. She was strong and brave but there was only so much she could take before it was just <em>too<em> much. "I can't, Damon, I can't do it anymore. Just make it stop," she squeezed his hand. "I'll let you save me this time…please…" she was near delirium now. Even the epidural hadn't completely blocked the pain from the medication they'd given her to quicken her labor. "I'm not supposed to _feel_ anything and I do…."

He was pacing around wildly now, memories flashing through his mind. He saw Elena as a little girl, upset that she couldn't do fractions and was terrible at earth science. He saw the fragile look on her face when she'd walked through that door after Kol had pushed her too far in the car….the innocent look in her big brown eyes as he'd kissed her for the very first time…the wild look in her eyes when she'd thrown herself at him in his dorm room…

Elena, his wife, his everything was writhing in pain on a hospital bed and there was absolutely nothing he could do to help her. He felt powerless, crazy.

Nurses were in and out. It had been seventeen hours since her water had broken and still no Aria. They'd been wide awake and stir crazy. They'd simply run out of patience. She was bawling and he was on the edge of hysteria from watching it.

"Oh this is ridiculous," he huffed finally, "I'll be right back. I'm going to there to talk to that damn doctor…" he gripped his fists tightly and marched to the front desk.

"Look, she can't be like this for much longer…there has to be something else we can do. I need to talk to her doctor, now…" he fumed. His hair was mussed and sweaty with aggravation. He was practically in labor with her, it seemed.

But when he got back inside, the nurse told him Aria's heart rate had spiked. "With the heart rate slowing and the slow labor, we may need to do a caesarian section on your wife," the doctor told him fifteen minutes later. "For the safety of both your wife and your baby, it's best. Everyone's still okay…it's not an emergency…but considering she's been stuck on almost 6 centimeters for hours, we aren't getting anywhere fast. If the baby becomes too stressed, it could be an emergency and you wouldn't be able to be in there with her for it..."

"Surgery?" It was all he could hear. His eyes widened and he looked at Elena who'd gone sheet white in a flash. "There must be some other way…" Her eyes were wobbly now, full of tears and desperation. She'd do anything it took, he knew, and so would he. But Elena under the knife was a horrifying thing. He'd _just_ gotten the love of his life back. He couldn't lose her again. Routine _schmoutine_. There was nothing normal about surgery.

But it was for their baby. It was a _good_ surgery, he told himself. The procedure would take all of 25 minutes and Aria would be breathing the same air as them. He loved Elena and he loved his baby; he just wished his two great loves didn't have to go through surgery to meet one another.

"This is safest. You'll have your baby girl an hour from now if we get the paperwork going quickly," she swallowed. And before he knew it, Elena was signing her beautiful new last name to papers, and he was pulling on scrubs. The bumped up her epidural and she was numbed again in moments.

"Before we go in there," he said softly to her by her beside, "I want you to know that I've never been more afraid in my life," he admitted. "I've put on a tough face this entire time. I know I'm supposed to be the brave father and husband, and I _am_ those things…but I'm also just a man who loves you and is afraid for you, too. We're getting our baby, but I'm worried about _you_, Lena…"

"I'm scared, too," she said. "But this hurts so much and we need to just have her, Damon. She doesn't want to hurt us anymore, and she can't be comfortable like this either. This _is_ saving me, and saving her…." She whimpered. "I don't feel anything from my chest down…I won't feel a thing. I can't take the pain anymore, and the look on your face tells me you can't either. So let's do this…" she smiled. "Let's go meet Aria," for the first time that day he saw his strong Elena again. It was enough to get him by.

There'd always been a balance with Damon and Elena. When one of them was up the other was down, it seemed. When one fell, the other one was there to catch them. But on this particular day, they were both falling wildly, out of control. Neither could truly pick the other up because they were just too afraid, but they certainly tried.

They were brave for Aria and for their love, but they were two scared little kids silently begging their parents to ask the angels to watch over them.

* * *

><p>He held her hand the whole time, staying far away from the doctors working on her stomach. But the moment he heard Aria's first cry, his heart nearly stopped.<p>

And time stood still as his eyes flashed to Elena in that first moment before he cut the umbilical cord. He was breathless, wordless as they cleaned her off and wrapped her in a blanket to hand to him for the first time. His face hurt from smiling and he saw his baby girl for the first time through a pair of misty blue oceans.

"She's beautiful," he said as he carried her to a happy, exhausted Elena. "She's perfect, just like we knew she would be," he grinned as the tears released from his eyes.

He'd pictured her so many different ways, but he'd never seen _her_ the way she really was. Her nose was a button. Her eyes were a mystery, squeezed closed and coated in ointment. But her little lips were all Damon. He could swear he saw a lopsided smirk…

Elena would soon be ready for the recovery room, but she'd see Aria first. Their sweet baby's eyes were squeezed closed and her hair was messy, but they'd never seen a more beautiful creature. They'd never been happier.

Everything happened so quickly Damon hadn't had time to actually process what it all meant until later, when she was clean, dry and wrapped up in his arms.

* * *

><p>Now she slept peacefully on him, healthy and absolutely beautiful. Her fuzzy chocolate brown hair stuck up wildly and tickled his neck, it was the softest thing he'd ever felt. And as she rested in the crook of his neck, grasping his finger, he memorized the feeling. Five hours of fatherhood made nine months of anticipation and nearly 20 hours of labor seem easy. Five hours in and he was already picturing her saying "daddy" for the first time.<p>

There'd be dances and tea parties and far too much candy. There'd be slumber parties with tiny girls staying up too late and laughing. There'd be closets of shoes and buckets of tears and _boys_….

Aria Elena Salvatore was alive and kicking; she was an unstoppable force, even at five hours old. She was the sum of two parts, both who loved deeply, wildly and dangerously. She was the product of a lifetime of love. She was hope and joy and bliss. Happiness had never come in such a small package.

She wasn't a mistake; the only mistake they'd made when it came to each other was ten years of complete stubbornness and denial. Aria hadn't brought them together; they'd taken time to start mending their fences before she'd been a reality. Aria was a bonus. She'd come from a whirlwind of passion; she was their destiny. The greatest _bad_ decision they'd ever made had created an angel.

She was the next generation Salvatore and that was a powerful thing, Damon knew. She'd come into the world with a fight and she'd keep that fight, he hoped. She'd be beautiful and strong. If she was anything like him, she'd love too freely, too easily. And if she was anything like her mother, the boys would be tearing down his walls in 15 years. Oh, he hoped she was a little of both of them. Their souls had always wanted to be one; Aria gave them that.

Aria gave a greater purpose to his already wonderful life. He had Elena, he had their store and his book, but nothing was like his little girl. Nothing trumped holding their miracle against his chest, feeling the thrumming of her tiny heart in rhythm with his.

His eyes scooted tiredly to a sleeping Elena, again. Sometimes life was so amazing it wasn't even fair. Her long eyelashes rested peacefully against her cheeks and he marveled at how amazing she'd been that day. They'd made a beautiful life out of what they were given. They'd beaten deaths and a decade of pain to reach this point. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was them.

"You and mommy look the same when you sleep," he said quietly when his eyes scanned his mini-sleeping beauty. "You both have that drool thing going on," his eyes wandered to the wet spot on his t-shirt and he smiled. "Come to think of it, you look _just_ like her in a lot of ways. The nose…" he touched it lightly and she twitched, "but what about those pretty eyes? All babies are born with blue eyes, so yours must be blue for now, right? But I'll bet they turn brown, just like mommy's…" his thumb brushed her cheekbone lightly and her tongue came out when she yawned. Every movement was so new for the both of them. Holding her, rocking her after months of waiting was the greatest feeling he'd ever known.

He listened to her breathing; it was a sweet new song he'd never heard before but he wanted to remember forever. She was warm and small and innocent. And though he'd known her for a short while, he saw nothing but greatness in her future. She had a lifetime of fun and amazing moments ahead of her and he wanted to be there for every single one of them. One day she'd go off on her own, have a mind of her own, he knew. But right now it seemed she was content just sleeping in her Daddy's arms.

She trusted him, completely. It wasn't a feat, he supposed. He and Elena were all she knew. They were her world. Newborn babies have no concept of wrong or logic. But he'd been so worried that she wouldn't recognize his voice; that she'd be scared to be in his arms. As it would turn out, it'd be quite the opposite. She'd slept for longer periods of time with him than with Elena.

"I want you to know something about your mom," his eyes turned to Elena who was shifting in her bed now. "You won't meet a better woman in your life. Your mommy is both the toughest and most gentle woman I've ever known. She keeps me in line, so don't worry about that. Oh, I'll embarrass the heck out of you, I'm sure, but I'll get eye rolls from her for it," his hand gently stroked Aria's fuzzy head. "And she can be a little stubborn sometimes…she proved that earlier," he smirked thinking to her mini-freak out just before she went into labor. "So we have to be patient and listen to her, always,"

He sat for a moment, just thinking, before he continued. He was tired, but there was something so amazing about sharing his feelings with his daughter for the very first time. She'd never remember the moment, but he'd never forget it.

"You're definitely a mini-her. We'll talk when you're older about the rough time you gave her when you were being born," he teased, "You are definitely a Salvatore in mind and body. That's a good thing, by the way," he swallowed, "But back to what I was saying about Mommy…I know your mom better than anyone, I've loved her basically my whole life. That's a long time when you're my age," he said sweetly. He liked explaining things to her, even if she had no clue what he was saying or what it meant. She was the greatest sounding board a Dad could have. "Believe me when I say it doesn't get any better than _her_, Aria."

"My mom, your grandmother was a pretty special lady, too. You won't meet her or any of them," he said sadly, "but I'm sure they see you now. But I'll tell you, baby, your Grandpa Gilbert would've loved you."

He'd learned a lot from the way John Gilbert loved his daughter; he would honor him by being more encouraging than discouraging, by being more loving than harsh, and most of all, by loving unconditionally, even if it seemed she didn't care at times. Elena's father had been a great father. He was proud to call him 'Pa.' He was happy to say John Gilbert was his daughter's grandfather.

He and John had talked about babies in a roundabout way once. They'd never gotten to the nitty gritty, as the discussion turned sour fast, but Damon got the gist of what John meant. He knew now, thinking back, that John was smiling down at the three of them. He remembered the conversation clear as day now, as he gazed down at his tiny girl.

* * *

><p>Damon was nineteen and had come home from NYU two days before. His wounds from Elena were fresh and wide open. He was bitter, sad and about to get drunk with the only other man who understood his pain.<p>

"She's out of control, John," Damon knocked back a beer at the Gilbert bar counter, picking up a dart. He was underage but John watched him carefully. "I swear to God one day she's going to get herself in trouble," he sent the dart zipping through the air into the target, just shy of a bulls eye. "Damn," he slammed his hand down the counter and took another sip of beer.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure she's _in_ trouble already, bud," he shook his head. "You know, I tried to protect her. I tried to be there for her to, be everything she needed….I told myself it was a phase, but it's been a year, Damon."

"I told myself that, too," Damon twisted the patterned dart between his thumb and index finger. The black and white checkers were starting to blend together as the alcohol chased through his veins. "Rose tinted glasses and all that," it was the first time he'd actually talked to John about _them_. He'd left for college shortly after their break up and hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about it until now. Now she was gone and he _had_ to face it. "Listen, I know you and I never really talked about Elena and I after it happened…."

"You mean when she sulked in the house in your clothes and with that 'fuck me' hair?" he arched an eyebrow and Damon gulped. John rarely made him feel awkward, but he was a deer in headlights when it came to Elena. "And he _blushes_!" John winked at a tipsy Damon.

"'Fuck me' hair? John, I can't believe you'd say that….You know we never…." It had been a year since their breakup but it was still hard to discuss with her Dad. John was a father and a best friend rolled into one, but he wasn't the guy you bragged to about that kind of thing. There was a line, and Elena was on the other side of it. "We didn't sleep together... we didn't that day or after that. She wanted to, but…"

"Okay," John exhaled, "Listen, Damon…you two are young. Elena, she's lost right now. She's off doing God knows what…"

"I don't think it's such a mystery," Damon swallowed his last gulp of beer before cracking open another one. John frowned at the man who'd easily become the son he'd never had. "Elena's gone, John. The girl I love is gone. And I know you don't want to hear it, but the 'trouble,'" he threw up air quotes, "she's in isn't just a theory. I've seen it with my own two, _blue_ eyes," two fingers shot up and pointed to his face. "She's a hot mess, emphasis on the _hot_…"

"Damon," he scolded.

"Well sorry," he shrugged. "I'm allowed to say things like that. I get that you're her dad and that you don't want any kind of imagery like that in your head….but if it has to be someone, wouldn't you rather it have been me than those other guys she's with?"

"What's she doing, Damon? What's my little girl actually doing?"

Damon's eyes darkened as he looked to John. Could he break his heart? Could he tell her about the time he'd found her sleeping on the sidewalk outside of her dorm in just a t-shirt? Could he tell her about the time he'd fought with her for twenty minutes about wearing her shoes on a dirty road, or how he'd carried her unconscious body from her car to her dorm room and tucked her in without her ever finding out? Could he tell her how many times he'd tried saving her and failed?

"I want to lie to you, Pa," he sent another dart into the board. It stuck with a loud sound, dead center. "I want to tell you I don't know, that I didn't see what she's been doing, or that she's been ignoring me…but I can't. The truth is I know exactly what she's doing and it's killing me because I'm the reason for it. I broke us up. I broke her," he honestly believed it. She'd made him believe it.

"What's she doing, Damon?" he repeated, gripping his bottle of beer tighter. He looked at Damon as if he was the most knowledgeable man in the world. He was when it came to Elena.

"I pray to God she doesn't get pregnant from some random man who doesn't love her, John. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I can't because I'm not," he swallowed. "I know I'm young but I guess I've spent the last two years thinking seriously about us…I always thought it would be me someday. I always thought we'd be forever…we'd be having a kid in a few years. She was never supposed to be that way with other men who don't care about her, John. Not Elena! I'm mad as hell at her right now but I can't stand the thought of it. She won't be mine, John, ever…I fucking blew it and now she's…." he bit his tongue, refraining from saying the harsh words that would hurt John even more. "She's just gone."

He'd broken the man's heart, he knew. It hurt more because it came from Damon and _Damon_ didn't lie when it came to Elena. He couldn't. His eyes gave him away every time he said her name, and his eyes were screaming now.

John sent his dart into the board carefully, sipping his own beer silently. He and Damon had found an understanding over the years. They had some of the most basic, stupid conversations possible sometimes. Other times they were too much to bear. This was one of _those_ times. Damon would continue, gaining courage to elaborate tastefully. John depended on him, he knew. He had to be honest and real.

"I'm just saying…Elena and I never had sex. I know that makes you happy because you don't want me to be the guy you feel obligated to be angry with for stealing your baby's virtue," he paused, "But if I had been that guy, if I had been her first instead of who she really did choose…well John, we wouldn't be here right now without her. If she got pregnant by me, she'd have a ring on that finger and _not_ because I felt obligated," he was nineteen and just so sure, John thought. "I know we're still kids and we're too messed up to get into anything like that, but I would've…" he took a shot and plopped down clumsily on a barstool before he continued,

"That's all I'm saying." He shook his head and took a sip of his beer. John stared at him slowly, processing the terrifying but honest words that had just left Damon's lips. He had a certain respect for him. Damon's honesty was admirable. He was right; John would've much rather Elena be with someone she loved than whoever and whatever she was doing then.

John said nothing, still. He hurt in ways a father never dreamed of hurting.

"Store's closed tomorrow, the night is young," his eyes flashed to the wall clock. It read 2 a.m. and Damon smirked with sarcasm. It had only been two days since he'd seen her, but it was one of _those_ nights and he was almost completely drunk. "So how about another game of darts," Damon asked, changing the subject swiftly, but obviously. "Loser has to go two days without saying her name," he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and finished his beer, "I dare you."

* * *

><p>"Elena," he whispered walking toward her. "Hey…Lena," he shifted carefully so he could set his feet flat on the floor, and raised himself up off the couch without stirring Aria. Elena's eyes opened slowly but her smile reached them the minute she saw their baby swaddled in his arms. "Sorry to wake you. I know you're tired, but she should probably eat now," he smiled gently, handing her over to her for Elena to feed.<p>

"I still can't believe it," she whispered, stroking Aria's little cheek. "It's nothing like I imagined," she cringed a little as she adjusted up against the back of the hospital bed.

"No?" He smiled, dragging a chair over to the bedside. The room was dark and the nurse would be in to check on Elena's vitals again in a few hours and to give her pain medication.

She shook her head. "It hurt so much and I was so afraid, but I've never been happier. I never thought I would feel like _this_. I know we promised we were done with talking about those ten years…but now that she's here, I feel like I can say this. I am so happy that you're the one I get to share this with. A baby with you could never be a mistake; Aria's a blessing. I don't think I believe in fate…I don't know…but I believe in Aria and I think we got her when we did for a reason. The whole scare of _not_ being pregnant made me realize a lot," she leaned down and kissed the soft top of her fuzzy head and smiled at the smell of the baby shampoo. "Sleeping with all of those guys to hurt you…to hurt _myself_…that was a mistake, Damon."

"It's over," he got up and sat on the edge of her bed. "No more mistakes for either of us," he winked. "Maybe little ones, here and there, but nothing major,"

"These past two months of marriage have been so great," her voice went dry, raspy. She licked her lips, looking at her water bottle. He held it up for her to take a drink and her voice came back. "I could never imagine this with anyone but you. You know that, right? You know that's why I was like that…because the angrier I got about not having you, the more my heart hardened…the less likely I was to ever fall in love with anyone else. I should be dead by now, the careless way I used my body, the drunkenness, the drugs. I'm ashamed of myself,"

"I'm not ashamed of you, Elena. I was never ashamed. I was terrified. I was confused," every time they discussed it they touched on different emotions. They really had come full circle. Their emotions were cloudless, bright as the sun. They were beautiful and free, open for them to feel and others to see and envy.

"You were mad," she pointed out.

"I was mad because I couldn't stop loving you," she scooted over a little, slowly. She hadn't been up to walk; her stomach was bandaged and painful. But she lifted the covers slowly for him to sneak under. He hadn't slept since a day and a half before that, but it felt longer. "And I'm glad for that now. Look at that angel," he smirked, nodding toward her. She made tiny cooing sounds as she drank.

"I wanted to keep you as my only, but I chose the worst ways. I wanted to punish myself for losing you, for pushing you away. I was punishing myself because _I_ blew it, Damon. I thought I'd never get this with you," she admitted. "Once I realized that it was _me_ I wanted to hurt, I stopped. There would never be another love for me. Only you…That is why I'm so blessed to be here with you both today. Because I got my dream even though I didn't deserve it,"

"Dreams aren't about worthiness," he winked, reminding her of the time he'd said the same thing about love. "They don't often come true, but neither do nightmares. It's easy to forget that part." he winked. "We were never just a dream, Elena," he yawned, turning on his side and propping his head up on his hand with his elbow. "You look so beautiful like that,"

"Oh yes, with my plastered down hair and my hot hospital gown," and her snark was back.

"I like the gown. The back's open. The view's great!" he smirked and the eye-rolling began.

"You do know there's a six week rule. I'm off limits, Mr. Salvatore," she pouted. "Doubt you'll even be thinking about that, what with all the incessant crying and diaper changing," she arched an eyebrow. "The laundry and the dishes…."

"That's okay, I'm fine just thinking about it," he wiggled his eyebrows. "You were my favorite fantasy for a decade. What harm can come of a few weeks?"

"Okay then…." She smiled, blushing.

"And incessant crying? From this one?" he pointed to Aria and smiled. "She just slept a solid 2 hours without a peep. Daddy's a great mattress. I got this. I know I'm going to be tired for a while, but that's okay. You're sore and I'm fine doing the diapers and all that. You need to heal. It'll be good for me to get used to doing all this," he tucked a strand of Elena's damp hair behind her ear and his eyes flashed to his wedding ring and he warmed.

"They're angels til they leave the hospital, I hear," Elena chuckled. "Then it starts…pure madess, desperation," she laughed.

"Good thing we have help...Ric and Jenna will be great. And Elijah...have you called him yet?" Damon asked.

"Yes," she smiled. "Well, I texted him. He said he'd be her in the morning so he could be here in time for the baptism. We don't need a Godmother...two Godfathers are fine by me," she smiled. "And if things go well with Jenna and Ric...she could have an Auntie in no time," she breathed, happily.

They watched their little girl peacefully without words for a few moments. Then it hit him. He had to tell her.

"I have a confession to make," Damon swallowed. Aria had finished eating and had fallen asleep. They carefully shifted her to a more comfortable position on Elena. "I took a month off work," he cringed, waiting for her reaction. It was a serious decision, he knew, but he had to tell her. She was going to find out anyway.

"So I'm off for a while and you're off for a while. What, so Ric's just working 12 hour days 6 days a week?" She frowned. "I appreciate that you want to be there for us, but he's got a life, too. Jenna…"

"No, I gave him creative power to hire," he swallowed. "We've had three good months in a row. And Ric's not just an employee anymore," he reminded her. "He's going to sign those papers next week and he'll be part owner," he smiled. "God, we've become our parents, Elena…the good parts of them," he added when she opened her mouth to interrupt, "And I can't think of a better person to share it with than him. This is our legacy and we've done well with it."

"We've pretty much got our life in order now, haven't we?" She smiled. "Old married couple, baby, business that's actually making money…now we just have to wait 30 years and we can retire," she paused, starting to drift asleep. Damon took Aria from her arms and held her safely against his chest.

Then it happened. Her little eyes fluttered open for the very first time and he was met with ocean blue. Not dull blue that would most likely change into something else in time. No, her eyes were clear blue; ocean blue; _Damon_ blue. She blinked in wonder as their eyes locked for the very first time. _His_ eyes were fountains again, sending two streams of tears down his cheeks freely. "You look just like me, too," he kissed her forehead and he tapped Elena. She'd been in a light sleep and easily woken.

"She wants to see you," he whispered to his sleepy wife. "Look at her pretty eyes," he whispered. And when Elena caught sight of them for the first time, her breath lodged in her throat. Her eyes were exactly the way she'd hoped they'd be. She prayed they'd never change, but if they were Damon's blue for even a little while, that was good enough for her.

When she looked into them she saw everything she needed and more. Her blue eyes searched her mother's brown ones, looking for answers and help and promises of love. Damon and Aria were both staring lovingly at her; two sets of beautiful blue oceans were looking at her like she was the single most important person in the world.

Pain, surgery, their decade of nonsense faded into the distance as she looked at their eyes. She could only see forward; there was no use looking back. She knew who she was in that moment; she was Elena Salvatore, a wife, a mother…the woman she was always meant to be.

"She's you and me, baby," Elena said, tears of joy floating in her tired voice, and down her rosy cheeks, "She's us."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *Phew* This chapter was something to write. It was fun and sad at the same time, as we're so close to the end. I've been waiting for what seems forever to bring this chapter to life. I am glad to say I' happy with the way it turned out.**

**Before I even got anywhere close to being to this chapter….way back after the chapter we found she was pregnant, I planned this format for the birth chapter. I wanted to dedicate an entire chapter to Damon talking to Aria and sharing his feelings with her. It's a great window to the man who has waited and worried so long about his daughter. It's nice to give him that peace now. And Elena, too. It has been great to give them pure happiness for the last two chapters after 27 chapters of angst and sorrow.**

**And I very much wanted that last Damon and John scene. I don't think we'll get any more flashbacks of the two of them. It was nice to see them so raw and sad about the woman they were so desperate to hold onto. Damon learned how to be a father from watching John father Elena. He needs those reminders now...**

**I am still deciding if I am going to do one more chapter and then the epilogue or just jump right to the epilogue. I will be thinking about this for a little while to make the best decision, but I would love to hear thoughts on this as well as on this chapter. You guys have really made this whole thing special for me. As always, I truly appreciate it. Thank you for your time and dedication to this story.**


	30. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is it! I can't believe it's over. It has been so fun to write and read your thoughts and reviews. I have enjoyed every minute that I have put into this story, and I have many of you to thank for that. Your feedback has been amazing, so thank you for taking the time. **

**I have a new story going that some of you may know about, "All At Once," so feel free to check into that if you're interested. We're about 13 chapters in so far. **

**Okay, so I won't give this very last chapter away, but I will tell you I've focused a lot on Aria. We'll see flashbacks and current scenes that give a general vibe of how life as a Salvatore has been going. **

**Thank you so much for everything!**

* * *

><p><strong>Somebody I Used to Know<strong>

**Epilogue**

She was in his arms, twisting and turning with the music. Soft, sweet blue eyes stared at him; they mirrored his in color and spark. He swallowed down the hot, achy lump of emotion in his throat. The music stopped and she sent him a gentle, almost apologetic look. Her red lips formed a pout as they had so many times before and his stomach melted. He inhaled slowly. It was all too soon for this.

"What's the matter, Daddy?" her fingers wrapped in his and she tipped her head to the side. He smiled at her wavy chocolate brown hair. It fell loosely over her bare shoulders, the tips touching her silver dress. She was Elena with blue eyes.

_His _eyes found his wife. She was seated across the room at a big round table with their best friends. The lights were low but she radiated, as she always had. He watched her double over in laughter and a smile found his lips easily. Time hadn't changed a thing. She was as stubborn and eye-rolly as she'd been the day he'd married her. Her smile was youthful and energetic; sometimes it was easy to forget just how much time had passed. But his greying hair met him in the mirror that morning, and he had a few more wrinkles than he'd like to admit. In his mind they were 28, falling in love all over again; he didn't feel 53 at all.

When Aria's hand went to his chin, bringing him back to her gaze, she was met with glassy eyes. She frowned in concern as memories of their beautiful life roared through his mind. Day one…week one…year one…two and a half decades later she was still his baby girl. When had she grown up?

Their dream began when she came home from the hospital.

* * *

><p>"So…now what?" He asked, looking at Elena from the other side of Aria's crib. She was staring at the sleeping little girl, swaddled in a warm blanket. She swallowed and met his tired gaze. It was 3 a.m. on that first night, and they'd both just gotten up for her feeding. Elena wasn't strong enough to get everything situated and Damon was more than willing to help. He hadn't taken time off work for nothing.<p>

"Let's hurry up and sneak back to bed for a few hours while she's out…" she yawned, but cringed when her stomach stretched. C-sections were more painful than she'd thought. Her recovery was not going as quickly as she would've liked. "I'm about ready to drop,"

But Aria's tiny feet kicked out of the swaddling and she started to stir. "Or not..." Elena smiled weakly. Without another moment's notice, she their little girl beat red and screaming. Damon's eyes widened. She'd cried in the hospital but this was different. He'd been able to calm her down when there were others around to help, but now Elena's pain pills were wearing off and they were dog tired.

"She can't be hungry. It's only been twenty minutes," she shook her head.

"Maybe she's hot," he furrowed his brows. "Maybe it's her diaper,"

"Just changed that, too," Elena shook her head. "Can't be…" her eyes were red and swollen, brimming with tears of stress and soreness. She'd promised herself it would all be okay, that she'd be the calm one while Damon lost his mind about everything, but she hadn't gotten more than three hours sleep since she'd had her. Any little thing could set her off.

"Maybe she hates this blanket…" he unwrapped her carefully. "Maybe she wants different clothes on. I'd be crying too if I was forced to wear this hideous thing,"

For a moment, Elena's tears dried up before they could fall. The Daddy role suited him well, but he was still a little panicky about the smallest of things; it brought a tiny smile to her lips, even at that hour of the morning.

"Damon, she's five days old. I don't think she cares what she's wearing…." Her eyes bugged as the screaming got louder. She was certain there had never been a louder sound.

"I'm willing to try anything," he swallowed, raising his voice over lamb cries. "Go in her drawer. I put all her clothes in the second one…" he unsnapped the orange and purple onesie and frowned. "Ugh…this is horrible. Ric's got really horrible fashion sense. He needs Jenna more than he knows," he shook his head.

Elena slowly walked to the dresser and slid it open. "What happened to her clothes? They're all pink…"

"Yeah, see, I was hurrying with the laundry so I could get back to you, so I just washed it all together. Didn't think that one red sleeper would really matter. I wash my whites and colors together all the time," he shrugged. "Call it a Daddy epic fail, if you'd like, but it works for her. She's cute in pink."

"I'm too tired to even tease you right now, but I'll keep it in the back of my mind," She dug through the drawer. She appreciated how easily he lightened the moment, even when he didn't mean to.

"Just hurry up with the clothes!" He waved his hands frantically. "Grab anything!" He got her dressed and resituated her, but the crying started again after another minute. He looked to his tired achy wife and sighed. "You look beat, baby…"

Tears floated in her eyes again and his heart sank. "We can do this…" she whispered. "Right?"

"Yes," he inhaled slowly and kissed her on her temple, comfortingly. The truth was, he was ready to cry, too and they'd only gotten home a few hours before. "You go back to sleep. I'll stay up with her,"

They'd been trying times at first. He and Elena had gotten into it quite a bit in the beginning. Exhausted tears had fallen from their eyes as they'd bickered about the stupidest of things. They'd always been passionate about everything when it came to each other; it was only natural they'd blow up about the sum of their two halves. She was their world. When it was quiet and they had time to think things through, the stress melted away and they just saw an angel.

Their fights never lasted more than a few hours, and they learned something new each time. By two months, the middle of the night wake up calls had ended and they fell into a routine.

* * *

><p>Now that little baby was 25, and he'd give the world for one more sleepless night.<p>

"So this is it, then…." He tried the words, but they came out sadder than he'd wished. They _weren'_t tears of sadness. They were tears of pride, of a man who truly knew what he had in life. She wasn't _leaving_ him; no. She was growing up and into the beautiful, smart woman he'd always known she would.

He took her hands again as the music kicked up, and they floated along the dance floor of the reception hall. "You'll be off, twirling in the arms of another man for the rest of your life," his hand reached up and tucked a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and she smiled. "Engaged, Aria…. I still can't believe it." He sighed. There was more to it, but he'd never bring it up. It was her decision….

"I've been engaged for months, Daddy," she reminded him gently. He knew. He'd thought about it every day. It wasn't a _new_ revelation for him. He'd been through it with his son, and…

He stopped his inner thoughts and pushed through. "You're so grown up," his wet eyes went down to her ring finger and he felt himself gulp. Was she happy? Was she _really_ happy or was she hurrying into something, as he almost had? They'd all been there before.

"Daddy, stop. This isn't even _my_ wedding yet! How my _little_ brother managed to beat me to the altar is beyond me…" Her voice perked up and he laughed for a moment, but when he spun her around he saw a blush take over her cheeks. Her eyes locked with the bright blond man across the room and Damon sighed. His little girl _was_ in love.

If only it could be so simple. If only Andrew was the _only_ man she loved. She'd never said it, but she'd never denied it. He'd never flat out asked her, but she was more obvious than she knew…at least to him. She avoided the topic, mostly.

"Are you sure you're ready? It's all happening kind of quickly…" he breathed.

"We've got time, okay? And I won't be far away. You can see me whenever you want. Andrew is a good man," They got along just fine, Damon and Andrew. As hard as he tried, he found only minor things that he didn't like about the man. He just wasn't positive that he really _was_ the one for her. Maybe he was biased, or maybe he just knew his daughter better than she knew herself sometimes. "You've got nothing to worry about, Daddy," she smiled, her stomach lurching, trying to ease the tiniest bit of doubt in her own mind.

"I know," he swallowed, pulling himself together. He didn't want to upset her. She'd had a big, active day. She was strong and brave and confident, but not afraid to show emotions when she needed to. She had weaknesses which she struggled to accept, but who doesn't?

She was so many things to so many people, as he always knew she would be. She wasn't just someone's fiancée, waiting to live happily ever after. She was _more_ than a woman on the arm of the man she loved. She dreamt bigger and brighter for herself than even Damon had imagined. She held herself to higher standards than he'd ever have set for her. They'd raised her well, and that comforted him.

Aria was a medical student at the University of Virginia. She was a sister and a best friend and an occasional employee at the bookstore. She was busy with school and Andrew, but she somehow made time for everyone, especially her family. The Salvatore family was a rock; as solid and unbreakable as the vows Damon and Elena had taken 25 years before. They were truly blessed. Tragedy steered clear; they lived a happy and healthy life, making each day better than the last. Tiny problems stayed tiny, after half a lifetime of too much drama. Aria made sure of it.

"Can I cut in?" Damon heard a familiar, deep voice say from behind them. He smirked and Aria smiled brightly, pulling the sandy haired man into a tight hug. She pulled back and straightened his thick hair as a youthful laugh escaped her lips. He had that Saltzman way about him, with a heart of gold like his mother.

"You're a mess, Ricky!" her lips pouted and his heart leapt into his throat. He'd been staring at her from the wedding lineup. It wasn't hard to remember why he felt the way he did. If he could go back in time he'd say the things he'd been too afraid to say before.

Damon found his way back to the table with the rest of them. It was a big day for everyone there. Damon and Elena were in true parents of the groom fashion, taking notes for Aria's upcoming wedding.

Damon and Alaric were indulging in some bourbon and smirks, while Jenna and Elena were handing each other tissues, full of emotions from the entire day…little John's wedding, seeing the kids so grown, but mostly Aria and Ricky.

"Oh, those two…" Jenna's voice sank. "After everything that's happened, it's so nice to see them this way. Some days it feels like just yesterday the three of them were running around the bookstore, getting into trouble…"

Damon's smile found Alaric's. They were more nostalgic than their wives knew. They'd made a big family out of nothing and they were proud. It was the little moments that made all the crazy, unbearable moments years ago worth everything. They found themselves sharking stories and fatherly theories every year as they celebrated the annual Salvatore-Saltzman Christmas at the bookstore.

* * *

><p>"Come on, you guys!" A small voice shouted from the top of the bookstore's staircase. "Quit messing around and get up here or I'm opening all of your presents…and your stockings, too!"<p>

Damon smiled at his eight-year-old daughter. It was 9 p.m. on Christmas Eve and they were gathered for their annual gift opening. Tiny, twinkling lights lit the otherwise dark attic. Laughter danced in her big blue eyes as she teased her little brother, John, and their sandy haired best friend. She was a little more Damon than Elena. She was witty and bossy when it came to the small boys, but she was the first one to step in when someone else teased them.

"Move it, Ricky," the four-year-old with the floppy black hair whined. "I want my presents,"

"Oh, she won't open them! Your dad wouldn't let her! She's just being mean," he yelled, loud enough for her to hear. Ricky was two years younger than her, but he met her threat for threat. "Santa doesn't like mean girls, Aria!"

She smiled knowingly and she heard Damon snort with laughter in the background.

"Yeah well, I know Santa and if you don't start being nicer to me, I'm going to tell him not to _bring_ you presents next year," she mused. She'd learned the truth about the whole Christmas fable the year before, but John and Ricky were still very much believers.

"No you don't!" Ricky yelled up the stairs. "No one knows the real Santa!"

"Yes I do. Why do you think he brings our presents a day early?" She waggled her eyebrows when the little boys stared in wonder at her words. "See…so you better watch it!"

And that was enough motivation to get them going. They shoved each other, racing up to the attic.

"Guys, someone's gonna trip," Jenna said as the two little boys bounced side to side, blocking the way as they scrambled up wildly. She carried a big platter of cookies above her head as she maneuvered up the stairs around their little feet.

When they reached the top of the stairs, they found Aria peeking in their stockings. "Yep, it's just coal in there anyway. Definitely don't want that!" John's big brown eyes welled up with tears and Aria grinned brightly.

"Alright, that's enough teasing, now," Elena knelt down by the tree. "It's Christmas. Save the teasing for another day," she straightened her daughter's thick ponytail and smiled when she met her bright blue eyes.

"Make sure you tell Santa, the next time you see him, that he put the wrong names on the stockings. You should've gotten the coal, meanie…" Ricky stuck his tongue out at her, taking one last dig and she rolled her eyes.

Damon watched them from across the room happily. Time had gone fast. It didn't seem like almost 9 years ago that he married Elena. He was closer to forty than he was to thirty now, but he didn't feel a day older than 18. Aria and John filled holes in his heart he didn't know existed.

Years ago, as a kid, he'd never have guessed how much time he'd really spend thinking about the way life turned out. He'd been ambitious and he'd gotten what he wanted. The bookstore's success had continued and there were no longer doubts that it would be around for their kids to run when they retired. Life with Elena was wonderful and still so fun. But time had gotten away from him before he'd realized it. Sometimes it was hard to look forward without feeling sad about the wonderful moments that had come and gone.

Alaric appeared next to him and caught the nostalgic look in his eye. "Look at us…a couple of dads, knocking back root beers instead of bourbon. What happened to us?"

"Pretty wives, that's what," he nodded in their direction, smirking.

"Who_ had_ all these kids?" His eyes widened as John and Ricky chased each other around the Christmas tree. "They're little monsters; really…" he laughed. "Remember when they were smaller and just kind of sat there. You know, the days when we had to help them unwrap their presents?"

"Yep," Damon sighed. "God we're getting old," he frowned at his A&W. "And really lame,"

"Yeah, but we love it," Ric added. "What the hell else would we be doing if we didn't have them?"

"Aria's going to be in third grade next year. Elena and I were her age when we met," his eyes flashed to his wife again. "When I think about it like that, it scares the living hell out of me. My life went into overdrive once I met her... I'm not ready for all of that with Aria," he heaved a sigh. "I want her to be little like this forever. I want to protect her from everything bad, forever," he swallowed. "It's like that with John, too, of course, but Aria's different…she's so Elena...but she's also so me. That's good and bad, no matter how you look at it,"

"I don't think you have to worry about all of that right now," Ric reminded him. "You and Elena are a rarity. I love you both to death but you're really kind of ridiculous," he snarked. "Not every childhood friendship has to turn into the hot mess yours did for a while there."

"God I hope you're right. History will _not_ be repeating itself here. Got it?" Damon teased, arching his eyebrows when he saw Ricky yanking on Aria's ponytail, "At least not the bad parts."

He smiled at the thought of how their families had made something out of nothing. They lost their parents just shy of a decade ago, but they hadn't let it stop them from living. Their parents lived on through stories and pictures. They visited their graves, not wanting to shelter their children from what life had given them and what it had taken away.

"I could not agree more…" he smiled. "But it wouldn't be the _worst_ thing in the world if they did date. Years down the line when they are far, far older…." he added. "Like maybe when we're senile and don't realize what's happening…" he set his empty plastic bottle on the table.

"It's best to not think about it," Damon scrunched his eyes and slid off the couch, walking over to the tree. "Okay, who's going first here?"

"Me! Duh, Daddy," Aria jumped around. "I'm the oldest and prettiest!" She squealed and Ricky rolled his eyes.

"And _bossiest_," Ricky mumbled.

"Hey you two," Jenna warned and they giggled.

"I want to go first," John hopped up behind her. "Please!"

"Fine," Aria rolled her eyes. "And then Ricky, and then me, I guess…" she sighed dramatically. "Save the best for last," she wiggled her eyebrows and smiled at Elena.

"After eight years, it's still so startling how alike the two of you are," Elena whispered, elbowing Damon. "She has a way of convincing people she's right," she watched their little girl spin around in the red dress she'd insisted on wearing.

She was quick to tease, but she was a great big sister. She'd been four when John was born, and severely into baby dolls and playing Mommy. They'd had to stop her several times from dragging him around the room, shoving toys and fake bottles in his face as if he, too, was a doll. He was about to start Pre-kindergarten at the same school she and Ricky attended, and she was all ready to show him the ropes about backpacks and listening and recess.

A whirlwind of wrapping paper went flying through the room as they decided to all unwrap their gifts at once. The kids bounced around happily, even though it was past their bedtimes. With each passing year, it became clearer to him what his life really meant.

* * *

><p>But now they were no longer little kids, teasing each other. They'd been many things, but right now, they were just friends again.<p>

"Whether she shows it or not, this is a tough day for Aria," Elena said softly. She smiled, her voice falling a little in emotion when she watched them laugh on the dance floor. "She's happy for her brother. She says she's ready to get married in two months, but personally, I think she's rushing it. I think she's hurrying so she doesn't have time to think about who she isn't marrying," She felt Damon's hand slide over hers. "Maybe it's none of my business, but I think I see what's going on. She's still afraid of losing him," she nodded at their kids.

"She won't," Jenna shook her head. "Aria's the most important woman in Ricky's life. She watched him spin his friend around playfully. They looked happy and healthy, as if nothing had ever happened. "It just didn't work out for them…" there was sadness in her voice; she sounded almost unresolved. He was happy now, but she saw it take a small toll on her son every day.

"I'm just glad they stayed friends…" Elena swallowed, thinking how proud she was of how her daughter had handled the break up. History _hadn't_ repeated itself in that matter. She'd initiated it the end. Elena didn't know the real reasons why they'd broken it off. If she did, she'd have a few things to say to her little girl.

"Well, I've had a few drinks and I'm feeling honest too, so I'm just gonna say it," Alaric set his tumbler down on the table. "Aria's _not_ going to marry Andrew," he shook his head. "They won't make it that far,"

"Excuse me?" Damon's eyebrows rose in shock and he set his own empty glass down. He may have agreed, inside, but he supported his daughter's decision. He'd planned to talk to her after John's wedding had passed. He needed a heart to heart, but when it was all said and done, she'd be the one to go to him. She'd cry in his lap for hours until she made the hardest decision in her life.

"I said she won't go through with it," he shrugged. "Look at them…" he pointed to Ricky pushing hair out of the way and whispering something in her ear. She smiled giddily. "They still love each other…"

"Chill out, Ric…" Damon warned. "Don't push it. I respect her decision until the minute she changes her mind. Not everyone has to end up like Elena and me," he winked at his wife before they turned their attention to the spinning couple on the dance floor once more. He was torn. He'd once been told who to and not to date by his father. She had to make her own decisions, he knew.

"Their eyes are burning a hole in my back," Aria whispered back. "You feel it, too?" she scrunched up her nose and smiled brightly as he spun her around lightly. He nodded calmly, making eye contact with them.

She was one of Anna's bridesmaids, and John had naturally picked Ricky as his best man. She'd stood up there across from him, smiling throughout the whole thing, but it was the first time she'd had a real chance to talk to him since before the wedding.

"You know their talking about us, right?" He said seriously. "As in when we were an '_us'_…" he swallowed. "Your mom's eyes are leaking again," he twisted her around to face them and his heart sank. "And my mom looks like she just found out there's no Santa Claus…"

"They're worried. Mom sees a lot of herself in me," she swallowed. "I don't think she really believes you and I are done..." she looked up into the bright lights for a minute, willing herself not to cry. She was over him, right? She was marrying someone else, so she had to be.

Ricky was her very best friend. That was it, she reminded herself. She inhaled slowly and looked back down into his eyes before she explained,

"It's tough. I can't say to her 'mom, I'm not like you. I would never do the things you did back then…' because that would crush her," she sighed. "But I need her to know that she doesn't have to worry about me sinking to that level. I'm strong. And you and I…well we stopped it before it got to that point…" she touched his smooth cheek. "We're okay, right?" She stared in his eyes and saw them change.

He nodded reassuringly, sending her a sweet smile. He was 23 and smart, serious. His mother was right; Aria really was the most important woman in his life. They'd started dating when he was a sophomore in college, but it had only been a year since they'd ended their relationship.

They'd only been broken up for 6 months when it happened. Ricky couldn't lie to himself. He was shocked and devastated when she'd told him of her quick engagement. She'd picked quite possibly _the_ worst possible time to tell him, but they'd somehow come out of it as friends. He'd closed his mouth and so had she, eventually. But it wasn't going to stay that way forever. Sooner or later one of them would purge it all.

* * *

><p>"I have something to tell you," her eyes were filled with tears as she struggled to say the words. "Andrew proposed," she swallowed the heat that lingered in her tight throat. They were in a loud, dimly lit bar in Manhattan. Although they were broken up, she'd gone out to celebrate his graduation from NYU, without her fiancé.<p>

"What?" He frowned, shaking his head in complete disbelief, "You said no, right?" he laughed. "That's absolutely ridiculous, Ar," he called her by the pet name he'd given her in high school.

It was dark, but he could see she was sheet white and as serious as he'd seen her in a while.

"I'm marrying him, Ricky…" there was heat in her ears. It hurt to say the words and she knew why. She loved Andrew, but she _still_ loved him, too. But things had been teetering on the edge of nothing toward the end, and keeping him as a friend was more important than trying to force something she felt was going down the wrong road. The truth was she was just afraid; afraid of repeating the past, of failing. Her insecurities weren't taught by her parents, but it didn't mean she wasn't conscious of what they'd done….

He set his beer bottle on the counter and frowned as he stood. "You've been dating four months….we've only been done for six months, Aria. That's hardly enough downtime, if you ask me," he swallowed, letting her think on that for a minute. "I don't know how you went from what we had to that so easily…" When she said nothing, he continued. He had plenty to say for both of them.

"We _dated_ for three years. We were _engaged_…." He shook his head. "Yet you're just okay enough to marry someone else already?" He was drunk and there was hurt in his voice. It broke her heart. "You came to my graduation alone. You dressed up in some hot little number" his eyes floated over her figure, encased in a knee length black and white dress. "I thought…I don't know…"

"Ricky, don't…" she pled with furrowed brows and big, too full blue oceans.

"You came here like _this_ to tell me you've moved on…._really_ moved on…on my graduation day," He walked over to her and lifted her left hand, examining the ring on her finger that was no longer his. "Now I'm going to forever associate my graduation with this shit news. How can you do this to me?"

"I love him," her voice sank. "I'm sorry…I don't want to lie. I didn't want you to find out from someone else…" she touched his cheek and he removed her hand gently and held it in his.

"_I love you_…." He admitted. "We should rethink this. We should work out what went wrong. We gave up too easily..." he said everything but the most obvious statement. He pulled out all the stops but 'don't marry him.'

"And I love you, too….but we fight over stupid things and we get jealous and angry too easily. We're better as friends, when we can't fight _and_ be jealous and still come out of it in one piece, Ricky. Trust me…I can't do that for a lot of reasons…I know what it did to them and it took ten years before they got through it. I can't lose you for ten years. We never had problems until we dated…."

"We aren't _them_, Ar!" he laughed bitterly. "How many _times_…?" His eyes bugged out of his head.

"We were getting to be them…toward the end. We're stubborn. We weren't communicating. I started wanting hide things from you because I was afraid of how you'd react. That's not good. I don't like feeling that way. I was so desperate to save us…it was the only way. I thought if we didn't _have_ to be everything to each other…we could relax. It's easier to make mistakes as friends…"

"We were engaged. That meant I wanted to work things out with you forever, but instead you hightailed. You lessened what we were," he shook his head.

"I made us what we used to be, when we were good," she smiled. "And we're good…just not right at this moment. As a whole, we're good…" she reminded him. And they were. They didn't fight. They weren't Damon and Elena during the dark ages. They talked and laughed. They could be in the same room without it being weird, for the most part. They meant too much to each other to throw everything away.

"We're good, but Aria that's not enough…."

"We weren't even happy together at the end of it….and I can't lose you. We don't have to get married because of some crazy expectation. Our parents will get over it and you and I…we'll be okay, right? We ended it mutually. I thought we were in agreement that it was best…"

"We were…but it doesn't mean I can just stop loving you and it doesn't mean you have to go rush off and marry someone else right away. It didn't work for your Dad, Aria. Think of that. Give it more time. What if you change your mind? What if we just needed more _time_…"

"I won't change my mind," she swallowed. "I love Andrew…" her voice buckled. "This is the way it is. Please understand and respect my decision. These are the things friends do, Ricky. They support, no matter what…" she pled.

"Yeah..." his lips turned up into a sad smile. He very obviously _didn't_ understand, but it was as she'd said. Their friendship was more important than his feelings. If he wanted to keep her, he had to accept what happened in her life; even if it meant he wasn't the most important guy in her life anymore.

* * *

><p>But now another six months had passed and things had lightened between them. Their friendship had rebuilt slowly without much drama. She had no interest in repeating her parents' story; that was what had broken them to start.<p>

The fairytale stories of Damon and Elena's life hadn't seemed so glamorous once she'd found out what _really_ happened. That wasn't a route she and Ricky were going to take. They needed each other; they were practically family. Family didn't walk out on each other when the going got tough.

"We're okay," his stomach churned, his stomach churned when he saw Andrew leaving the cake table. That's when _he_ thought of Damon and Elena's story. But while she was focusing on _not_ being her mother, Ricky was focused on how very Damon-esque her engagement seemed. He saw "Katherine" blinking in flashing lights across Andrew's forehead. He saw escapism, everything she was trying so desperately _not_ to be. It made him sick. He was done keeping his mouth closed. She was fighting herself.

"Actually…no…I'm not okay," he admitted quickly. "I don't want you to marry him," he touched her cheek softly and smiled before taking her hands in his. She shook her head and inhaled sharply. Elena watched carefully as her daughter stepped away from him. Andrew's eyes blazed as he stared from across the room. He'd tried to accept their friendship, but he wasn't stupid; he knew Ricky was still in love with her.

"Ricky…we've been through this…" her cheeks flamed and she edged them away from the crowd. Damon's eyes widened when they fell out of sight.

"Oh no," Elena whispered. "They're fighting," the color rose in her cheeks and her stomach dropped. Jenna handed her a Kleenex and the men glared at each other.

They stood outside on that warm summer evening. "Don't marry him," he pled. "Please…"

"Don't do this today. Not at my brother's wedding," she swallowed, but the truth was, her head was spinning as quickly as they had been on the dance floor moments ago. "You're his best man. We can't get into this. I don't want to fight with you,"

"Say you don't love me," he dared her. "You've never once given me a real reason why we ended it. You've always said it was ruining us but honestly…I don't buy it," she watched him silently. "I did it because I wanted to make you happy, because you weren't yourself and I hated that I might've had something to do with it…" he explained through a pounding heart that had reached his ears. "But damn it, I'm running out of time now and I realize that," his hands went up to clasp his forehead between his thumb and index finger. "Please, Aria, just say you don't love me…I just want to hear it so I can get over this…."

"No," She shook her head, tears in her big blue eyes. She was being Elena and she didn't realize it...the grown Elena who was afraid to try love again at first.

But she was both of them. She was Damon, too. He'd once pulled away to save his relationship with Elena, so long ago. It hadn't worked then; it probably wasn't working now. She loved her parents. They'd raised her right. She had absolutely nothing to fear. She and Elena had had a serious discussion about the right and wrong way to react to things and she'd never once seemed to be heading in the wrong direction. She knew she'd never turn to the things her mother had. What she feared the most was losing her best friend; _that _was the reason she'd ended it. It wasn't because she thought she was going to go off the deep end. It wasn't because she didn't love him…

"No you don't love me, or no you won't say it?" he begged.

"Ricky…" she bit her lip as tears welled in her big blue eyes. Some days she was twice as stubborn as her mother, she realized.

"Think about what you're doing, Aria. I gave you a ring. I promised you we'd make it. You backed out because you were afraid we were going to turn into your parents circa 2002 when we started fighting. I don't understand it. You are you, I am me. We are not _my_ parents. We are _not_ your parents. We weren't getting married out of some bookstore ritual or because we feel some obligation to live happily ever after and run the store…why are you running away from me?"

"You said you agreed that it was best," she quickly reminded him. "Were you lying?"

"And at the time, I did agree. We could barely talk without fighting. But that's preventable with some work. I just wanted you to be happy. I didn't think you'd run off and marry someone else before we got a chance to work it through…." He swallowed. "Now that it's settled I've realized that we were fighting about stupid things. We dropped our relationship because we thought it wasn't worth risking our friendship when things got rough. But right now, I can't watch you marry him, Aria. Whether or not you want to be with me or not, I can't let you marry him this quickly. You don't know him like you know me, and he doesn't know you like I know you…"

"Just because we've known each other our whole lives doesn't mean we _have_ to get married. It doesn't mean we automatically fall into something and it's perfect," the words spilled out with two fresh streams of tears.

"Of course it doesn't work that way! I never said it would. I didn't start dating you because I was looking for something easy, Aria. But instead of trying, you just backed out and convinced me it was because we couldn't survive it. But guess what?" He smiled, shaking his head knowing, "We're making it right now. We got our friendship back pretty quickly. We're talking about this right now. If we could work out our problems as friends why the hell can't we as a couple?"

"I was afraid…now it's over. We can't go back. I'm getting married now. I can't change my whole life because of one decision that may have been made hastily…."

"You never told me you were afraid of anything," he shook his head. "Maybe that's the problem. You said you didn't want to be them and that was that. If you would've just dropped your stubbornness and said something I would've tried to understand you a little better…" he paused, "But you're so busy trying _not_ to be your parents," he said quietly. "You need to think about what you want, regardless of what happened with them. Forget them for a minute. If you and I _weren't_ best friends for 23 years…if we didn't grow up in that damn bookstore just like they did…if your parents met in some other way and never had that big blow out…would you have loved me?"

"Yes, of course," her voice broke. How could he even ask that?

"Would you still have _left_ me?" he was serious and she could see it.

She stared at him silently, immediately knowing the answer. No, she wouldn't have. She left out of fear; it was as simple as that. He watched her eyes shift and he knew he had her. He wouldn't say it just then. He'd let her realize it on her own.

"I'm your friend but I'm not done. I've kept quiet for a year. I've kept my mouth shut for far too long. John's been onto me. Your _Dad's_ been on me to say something…"

"What? You told them?" her big eyes went even wider.

"I've never pretended that I don't love you. I never went around saying bad things about you. Everyone knew it but you…but then again, you knew it, too, didn't you? You just decided to ignore it because it would make things more complicated. Now tell me you're really done with me. Say it one more time and I'll never ask you again…Say you don't love me,"

Her breathing hitched. Her eyes shifted through the open door and inside the building. She saw Andrew, patting John on the shoulder congratulating him. He was a good man. He loved her; she didn't doubt they would make a good life together. But Ricky was right. She hadn't addressed her fears. They'd have beaten John to the altar if she hadn't panicked and broken off their engagement.

He was in front of her, saying the things now he should've said months ago, when they were ending it. She respected his honesty and the fact that he was fighting for her. Six months was not ten years, and they _weren't_ her parents.

And she couldn't say she didn't love him, because she did.

"I need time, Ricky…" she swallowed and shook her and wiped her eyes. "Can we leave it alone right now? I'm tired and I don't want to cry and fight through the wedding…" she sent him a pleading smile and he sighed, taken aback.

"Yeah, okay…" he sighed; relieved she hadn't said 'no. ' The fact that she needed time was a good thing, he knew. Their ears filled with loud, happy wedding music again and she sent him a soft smile, assuring him she wasn't angry, just confused and caught off guard by the time he'd chosen to come out with it. At least he hadn't waited until her rehearsal dinner.

Damon's eyes focused on Andrew who was walking back across the room with John. He watched the men find Aria and Ricky.

"Hey, there's half my wedding party," John smiled, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders. Andrew frowned at Aria's pink cheeks; they matched Ricky's. His lips formed a straight line and she removed her brother's arm and walked over to hold Andrew's hand. They had to talk. She needed to really think about what she wanted in life. She loved them both. They both represented something different to her. One could give her more, she was sure of it. She just had to decide who that was and what it would mean about her relationship with the other.

"I need my best man for a second," John tipped his head, gesturing to the other side of the room. Aria stood with Andrew, her eyes on her feet. They needed to talk. She needed time to think about a lot of things. She'd made one hasty decision; she wasn't going to make another.

"Saw you with Ricky," Andrew said slowly, "What's going on with that?"

"I don't know…" she said seriously. "I honestly don't know what's going on with that," she sighed. "We'll talk…maybe later tonight…" she kissed him on the cheek. It was a decision she wished she'd never have to make. How she'd found someone so quickly was strange, but Andrew was sweet and interested in the same things as her. She'd thrown herself back in the dating world quickly, as a defense mechanism. It wasn't forced love. It just maybe wasn't as great as it should've been when she compared it to what she used to have. The fact that she was even comparing was a problem in itself. "Come on, let's dance…" she wrapped her fingers in his and led him to the dance floor. But as they spun around a few times, she was caught in Ricky's blue eyed gaze from across the room. He looked like that little boy she'd been running around the bookstore with and her heart combusted.

* * *

><p>Damon and Elena had it good, they knew. Their daughter was beautiful and smart; she'd figure things out, whatever was going on. They had no doubt in their minds that she'd make the right decision for her. And their son John was so young to be married, just 21. But he was all Damon…all sentimental and soft behind a handsome, cocky exterior. Their children were so very different. John would be the one to run the store one day, with Ricky by his side.<p>

The day Aria had been born, he'd pictured her behind that counter, crunching numbers and organizing children as they ran wildly through the aisle. But she was going to be a doctor now, and he was proud of that. She was truly her own person with her own drive and her own ambitions.

If their parents were still alive, they'd be proud of all four of them. Their story was packed with more emotions than Miranda and John and Giuseppe would ever know. Somewhere up there, though, Elena was sure her father knew that they weren't sad and alone anymore. There were more of them to watch from heaven, now.

The DJ's voice announced that the bride and groom would be leaving soon, and Damon saw his wife's shoulders start to shake in emotion. She was a beautiful person, a beautiful wife and a wonderful mother.

His hand found her knee and he met the beautiful eyes he'd loved for the 45 years he'd known her. And through those cloudy, teary eyes she smiled back at him and they fell into one of their familiar gazes that said about a million things in two seconds: _I love you. I'm still sorry. I'm glad we worked it out. I can't imagine not having you. Our kids are amazing. You're just as fun as the day I met you. I'll __**always **__love you. Everything's going to be okay…._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I want to thank every single person who read, reviewed, favorited and alerted this story, as well as my others. This has been a journey for me, from start to finish. I am sorry this took me so long to write, but I had to get it exactly how I wanted. Some of you may know, if you write, that ending a story is a very difficult thing, emotionally and from a writing standpoint. It has to leave an impression and it's not something I wanted to rush, but I'm happy with the way it turned out, and I hope you are, too.**

**I chose to focus on Aria in this one instead of DE. I wanted to show their emotions, to really reiterate how strong their relationship stayed throughout the years, but I wanted some of that to be reflected through Aria. She really loves her parents, but she recognizes how unhealthy their relationship was before they reconciled. Some of you may have figured on her ending up with Ric and Jenna's kid, because it seems like a logical ending for a future look, but I wanted to twist it up a little, to make it a little more interesting and a little less predictable in that they were already together. They aren't HEA and we don't know if they will ever get there.**

**Thank you again, so very much for everything you've done to contribute to my story's success. Many of you have tweeted, retweeted and posted links on forums about my chapters, and I thank you for that. It means a lot, and you know who you are.**

**Please feel free to find me on Twitter newsgirl1983. It's locked, but I will most likely add you. It's locked because I'm sick of the robots and all that nonsense. Thank you!**


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